Author's Website: http://members.nbci.com/dueSou

Disclaimer: Standard Disclaimer. Warning: Watch out for Mary. Don't take her up on her offer to show you her "basement." But she does have a nice filing cabinet. Wait. That sounds SO wrong. . . . . Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com or visit http://members.nbci.com/dueSou and http://www.learnlink.emory.edu/~sdelcul

Author's Notes: I love Ray Vecchio, but he does have his faults sometimes.

Story Notes:

"You and me gotta talk."

"What?"

"Stay away from him, okay?"

"Excuse me?"

"Look, Frannie, you heard what I said. Just stay away from him, okay?"

"Oh, Ray."

"Frannie, you're in over you head."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning guys like him don't marry girls like you. And girls like you get hurt and guys like him don't even know it. That's life."

"Oh yeah. And you know this."

"Why do you do this? You always do this to yourself."

"Yeah, I do."

"You know what your problem is, Ray?"

"No, Frannie, why don't you tell me?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you. Your problem is that you're so afraid to dream. You are so afraid to reach out for something that you really want. You know what happens to people like you? They get old, they get alone, and they die. And they never know. Well, that's not me."

"Hey, hey, hey. Come here. Come here. Did you sleep with him?"

"Oh, God. Why? Why? Would it matter to you if I did?"

"Yes, it would. You're my sister. I care about you."

[Ray] He wasn't thinking about that conversation three months and several days later. By then, he barely remembered the conversation.

It happened because he was bored, he was lonely, and he was horny. And Fraser must have been equally bored, horny, and lonely, because he didn't protest when Ray kissed him. He just kissed back.

Fraser never did ask him what he thought he was doing, and they didn't talk further. Ray went home that night, and slept like a baby.

It happened again the next day. After a while, Ray stopped thinking about it as unusual, and assumed that Fraser's reasons were the same as his. Still, it was never discussed.

[Fraser] Two weeks later they went to one of the few wooded areas near Lake Michigan. The weather was nice, and they decided to take the path to the shore. Gradually they found themselves on a more deserted part of the trail. Fraser pulled Ray against a tree to kiss him. They kissed deeply until Ray suddenly pulled away.

Breathless and with his lips delicately swollen, Ben was startled.

"It's wet."

"What?"

"The tree. It's wet." Ray adjusted his clothes. "Normally I wouldn't care, but if you're going to be leaning against a tree, you want it to be dry. Let's go back."

Ben couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Ray's fidgeting than a wet tree. "Ray? Is everything okay?" He asked nervously.

The moments before Ray's answer were nerve-racking. "I'm fine, Fraser. What makes you ask?"

[Ray] He hadn't meant to get so angry, but Fraser was risking everything. What they had was good and fun, but if everyone found out they'd be crucified. Most likely literally if his mother ever found out.

Things had been perfect lately. Almost perfect. But Fraser was beginning to want more than he could give. Why couldn't he just be happy with the way things were? Why did everything have to change now?

[Fraser] "Yes, Ray?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I need to tell you something. And I don't want you to think you did anything wrong, okay?"

Ben tried to step closer to Ray, but Ray pulled away and paced. Sighing, he sat down. He'd seen this coming. He only hoped he hadn't ruined everything.

"Talk to me, Ray." His soft words stopped Ray cold.

Ray came a few steps closer, hesitantly. "Benny, I -" He stopped suddenly and cleared his throat. Kneeling in front of him, Ray covered Ben's hands with his own. " I need -" He pulled away. "I'm sorry. This is hard for me."

"Ray, just tell me."

"I need to make sure we're playing from the same deck here. You're my best friend. I love you. But this," he waved his hand in a vague gesture. "this is only- I'm not looking to get married again, Fraser. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Not really."

"Please don't make me be blunt."

"I don't understand, Ray."

"I like the way things were, I really did, but it can't go further." Ray pulled away. "I'm just not in love with you!"

Stunned, Ben was actually glad he couldn't feel anything yet. Ray wasn't in love with him. He needed to pick up some groceries. Ray wasn't in love with him. His uniform needed ironing. Ray wasn't in love with him? He didn't believe that.

"Fraser? Did you hear me?"

"Yes, Ray."

"And?"

"I'm fine, Ray."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Go back to work."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

[Ray]

At work, Ray couldn't focus. Every time he tried, he was back in Fraser's apartment.

"You okay?"

He almost jumped off his chair in surprise. "Geez, Elaine, give a guy a heart attack."

"What's up, Ray? You look like you just lost your best friend."

"I might have." His hand flew over his mouth. Why had he said that? He hadn't intended to say that. He planned to keep his hand over his mouth until his mouth went back to following the directions his brain was trying to send it.

"You and Fraser had a fight?"

First he nodded, then his hand wandered away from his mouth on its own initiative. It seemed his body was staging a coup.

"I'm not in love with him."

"Okay."

"No, really. I mean I care about him and everything; he's my best friend. But I don't love him. Not like that."

"Okay."

"Seriously - I don't."

"Ray, I said okay. Sure. You don't love him. I got it."

Frustrated Ray turned away. He could just see Elaine out of the corner of his traitorous eyes. She was smiling at him. Smiling at him with her arms crossed over her chest and her smile was really a grin - no, a smirk. She didn't believe him!

Finally she left, still smirking at him. He spent the whole rest of the afternoon working on paperwork, trying to avoid looking at Elaine every time she kept smirking at him. The entire afternoon, every time he looked up, she was smirking at him.

When 4:55 rolled around, he stood up. Autopilot got him past Elaine and into the Riv. Once in the Riv, he thought about going straight home, but it didn't feel right.

[Fraser] He opened the door, knowing exactly who would be on the other side. "What do you want, Ray?"

"I know it's late, but I had to see you. I missed you."

Ben nodded. He wasn't going to get his hopes up.

"I didn't expect that. I knew that I'd miss you, but I didn't know that I would MISS you."

"What are you saying Ray?"

"I'm saying that I screwed up earlier. I was trying so hard to be honest with you, that I didn't think about whether you really needed to know. Look, can I come in?"

Stepping aside, he let Ray come in. He still wasn't convinced that Ray meant what he was saying. Ray wouldn't miss him if he didn't love him. Fighting the hope was hopeless. Ironic, wasn't it?

Idiotic though it might be, he couldn't keep Ray out of his life. He didn't want to. If necessary, he would wait until Ray was ready to be in love with him.

[Ray] He went to work the next morning, and the day after and the day after. The world didn't end.

It finally collapsed one day while he was on a stakeout with Detectives Gardino and Huey. Louis was talking about his girlfriend, and how he had a date that night. With someone else. Ray was furious, but didn't say anything.

'How could you do that to someone you love? I'd never do that to Benny, I lo- .' And there, his brain shut down. Lights out, nobody's home. Please try again later.

"What's wrong, Vecchio?"

"Huh? What? I gotta go." Standing up, he didn't even notice the stares that followed him out of the apartment they were watching from. He maneuvered the Riv down one street, through a right, two lefts and two intersections, to the Consulate. Still moving by instinct, he ignored Turnbull's cheery "Good morning," and a startled "Excuse me," from Jasmine as he opened the door to Ben's office. Seeing that Fraser was on the phone didn't bother him in the slightest. He sat at one of the chairs and watched. Simply watched.

Fraser was startled by his entrance, but since he was on the phone with Commissioner Kitchens, and Ray seemed perfectly content to wait for him to finish, which was certainly unusual in and of itself, he waited until his conversation ended before inquiring about Ray's uncharacteristic behavior.

"I'm fine, Benny." Ray answered, although that wasn't what Fraser had asked. "Can you get out of here?"

Still worried about Ray's unusual behavior, Fraser informed Inspector Thatcher of his intentions and she grudgingly agreed to let him leave for the day on condition that he be there early on Thursday to let the Healy Plumbing Company in to deal with the Consulate's leaky basement.

Ray wasn't completely oblivious to Fraser's concern for him during the drive to his apartment. He rubbed a hand along Ben's thigh as the sidelong glances continued, and smiled when Ben intertwined their fingers over his leg.

Inside the apartment, Ray silenced any possible questions with a long, deep kiss. Fraser seemed to get the point then, and if he wasn't completely understanding what was going on, he could accept that Ray needed something from him, and he had no problem doing his best to give Ray whatever he might need.

Being around Ray was perfectly arousing for him, and it wasn't until his heart slowed from its too rapid pace that he understood the difference. Ray was behind him, holding him gently, one hand cupping his genitals in a warm protective embrace similar to the one his other arm had around Ben's waist.

This, then, was being loved. Protected. Needed. And it felt good. Ray would say the words when he could.

"I love you, Ray."

He almost missed Ray's response, whispered into his ear like a sea breeze. "I love you, too."