Disclaimer: I did not write or create Due South but I do so wish I had!

Author's Notes: Thanks muchly to Elanor for kicking me to make this story better.

Story Notes:
This follows on from the episodes Letting go, North and Vault so those eps play a key part.

Ray looked at Fraser, looking for forgiveness. Here they were, two injured guys in wheelchairs, trying to piece together what had happened to them these past few weeks. It was as if they were waking up from a dream or a nightmare except that it had really happened. Fraser was still quiet. It was as if there was something he had to ask but the silence was so comforting Fraser didn't want the question to break it.

Ray just wished he would get on and ask it. Ray needed to make sure the air was clear. To him the silence was a barrier that prevented him getting through to his best friend. Whatever the question was it would break the silence. It was lack of communication that was the only thing that was stopping them putting Victoria behind them. Ray wasn't even sure if Fraser wished to put Victoria behind them or whether he had lost his best friend forever because of what he had done.

"Fraser?" Ray prompted. So much of the time Fraser had simply been staring out of the window, lost in his own thoughts.

Fraser sighed. He knew he had to try to open up. He had known the minute Ray had taken that bullet for him. No, he had known before that. He had known when Victoria admitted she had murdered Jolly. Ray wanted to make things better between them, wanted to move on. He had suggested going up to the cabin. Fraser just didn't know if he could make things better or whether he was lost to his friend and to himself.

"You shot me." Fraser hadn't minced his words. He had come right out with the crux of the problem. It broke the silence like a wrecking ball.

"Yeah," Ray couldn't argue. He had shot Fraser. He had nearly killed his best friend. What could he say? What would heal the rift?

"Why?" Fraser looked intently at Ray. That was the question, the one question on which their friendship would survive or die.

"Why, what? Why did I shoot you?"

Fraser nodded.

Ray could barely look at him. Here they were two cripples, both suffering gunshot wounds. The difference was who had inflicted them. Ray had simply been shot. Fraser had been shot in the back physically but through the heart emotionally. How could Ray explain the truth? Was Fraser ready to hear it? Was Ray himself ready to hear it?

"I saw a gun, Benny. I swear she had a gun. I saw it as I'm seeing you. I was sure."

I saw a gun; Ray had repeated those four words to himself over and over, trying to work out why he had done what he had done. He had seen a gun, he had.

"Maybe you wanted to see a gun," Fraser suggested in a tone that reminded Ray of the Fraser that had come to the surface when `she' had arrived.

"Maybe I did," Ray conceded. Whether he had seen it in reality or in his mind was immaterial. He had seen it and acted accordingly. "But I still saw it. All I could think about was her hurting you. Victoria...she was I don't know...." Ray trailed off and looked out of the window. "She did something to you, Fraser. I don't know what it was but she did. I didn't want to lose you. I couldn't....I couldn't let you go."

"So you shot me to make me stay?" The bitterness was there, below the surface.

"I'm not sure if I did or I didn't, Benny." Ray spoke the simple truth. He didn't know.

"The time it took you to pull the trigger, Ray; you would have seen me try to get on the train. You knew what I was doing yet you still shot me."

There was hint of anger in Fraser's voice and Ray was glad. He needed Fraser to show him how he felt, show him without the silences and faraway looks.

"I guess I couldn't believe you were going with her. I didn't want to believe it."

Fraser understood that. He had betrayed Ray, his duty, himself. He wouldn't blame Ray's actions in this instance he deserved it for what he had done. He had set down upon that path ten years earlier when he had first met Victoria. "Because if I had left, you would have lost your home, your job..."

"No," Ray fought back his tears. "I thought I meant more to you, Fraser."

Ray couldn't stay in the room any longer; it was just too painful to put his soul on the butcher's slab that was Fraser's questions. With great difficulty he managed to wheel himself out. Fraser's mouth had opened but his plea had been silent. Ray couldn't hear it. Let the Mountie try and work it out. Fraser might never know how Ray himself truly felt and why he had pulled the trigger. Ray had done it because he loved Fraser and not any of the brotherly or best-friend stuff. Ray had fallen head over heels in love with the crazy Mountie.

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Back in his own room, staring at the beige walls and beige linoleum, he thought back to when he realised how he felt. It had been months ago, during that kidnapping case. He knew he felt strongly about Fraser, why else would he be doing those crazy things? It had all started with that first case when a Mountie from the frozen armpit of the North asked for a Detective Armani in that holding cell. Ray knew he was falling for the Mountie when he agreed to follow up on one lead and later checked himself out of hospital just to say to Fraser he'd solved the case.

Of course he hadn't realised until Frannie and he had that talk in the interrogation room. He had been so wound up about thinking Fraser had slept with her he missed the real reason why he was so wound up. It was only later, lying in his own bed at home, he really thought about it and part of him asked, `Why Frannie and not me?' Then he remembered his sister's words. He had a dream and was afraid to reach for it. His dream had been him and Fraser, as lovers. He didn't allow himself to dream it even after Francesca's words had hammered themselves into his brain. He didn't want to listen to those voices telling him to make a move.

Then just as he had been getting up the courage to actually act on the feelings he'd had seemingly since the dawn of time, Victoria had happened. Part of Ray was pleased that he hadn't acted on his feelings thinking he would have been burnt even more badly by the aftermath of Victoria and her revenge. He loved Fraser; it was as simple as that. Yet he couldn't tell his best friend he was too scared of his own feelings and too scared about Fraser's reaction. But still he had entertained hopes. The way Fraser was so clueless around women, the fact they spent time together but all his hopes had had their flame extinguished with the arrival of Victoria on the scene. His bright flame of love had been threatened by the blue flame of Victoria. She had been a poison gas.

At first Ray was happy Fraser had found love but then things changed and Ray began to feel second hand again. Fraser had made him feel worth something. When he was with the Mountie he was Ray and more than that he was Ray who was a good friend, a good person. Fraser had thrown all their friendship over for her. Ray felt bitter about that. Fraser had forgotten him. Ray thought he had been more important than that. The Mountie was such a big part of his life and Ray had felt he had been a big part of Fraser's.

He never thought Fraser would try to go with her. He had hoped his friendship, his acts of love, would have been enough to keep Fraser from her clutches. It hadn't been though. Ray felt as if things would never get back to how they had been. He still loved Fraser, deeply. He knew he'd love Fraser until his dying day but it hurt that Fraser wouldn't. Still Ray knew he had already done as much damage as he could. It was time to face that dream he had dreamed long ago.

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He wheeled himself back into Fraser's room. Fraser was starting out of the window, observing nothing other than a reflection of his recent grief over both Ray and Victoria but he had heard Ray approach.

"I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't mean to...that is to say...I understood why you shot me."

Fraser had known all along. He had known that he was guilty of a great many things and hurting Ray was top of the list. Ray hadn't deserved the way Fraser had treated him. He was so wrapped up in his own guilt he had failed to see how much his friend was hurting. He wasn't the one bleeding now, Ray was. Hearing the words brought it home to Fraser. He knew Ray had shot him to save him. He hadn't been aiming for him; he'd been aiming for Victoria. She had had a gun. It might not have been tangible but she had one. The sharpness of her mind was a bullet as real as the one that had killed Jolly.

Ray didn't come in. He just waited in the doorway. "I love you," he said. "I'm in love with you and I shot you. I'm so sorry, Benny but I'm not gonna stop loving you."

With that Ray went away. They could talk later - right now he had said what he had to say. It was up to Fraser to decide what would happen next.

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Fraser was shocked. Ray loved him, still? After everything he had done he still had Ray's love? He was shocked so much over that he didn't know what to feel himself. Truth be told he was trying not feel. Deep down he suspected how he might feel about Ray but he tried not to feel anymore, not after what had happened. He had lost control and betrayed those closest to him, all for the twisted love he thought he had with Victoria. He feared love now.

There was a reason he feared love with Ray and that was because Ray meant forever. Fraser knew that he did love Ray, was in love with Ray. It was a purer love than he had with Victoria but that didn't change anything. He had hurt Ray through love before. He had known Victoria wasn't forever. He had looked at that older couple through the windows of the hospital and he had known he and Victoria could never be that. They were always short term, teetering between life and death, until finally one of them fell over the edge. Fraser didn't trust himself enough to see what love could be like with Ray.

He loved Ray, was in love with him, but could never tell him. Not now, even when he knew the feeling was mutual, because he couldn't hurt Ray. He would help Ray get their friendship back on track, make it as it was and then maybe Fraser might tell Ray the truth. Or he might cage the truth and keep it locked in his heart. In his heart, in his mind, in his soul, he loved Ray deeper than his own being but he would never show it for Fraser felt his love was destructive. He blamed himself for what happened to Victoria, he still carried ten years of guilt and nothing would change that. He couldn't risk Ray like that. He knew he had to have Ray near him, with him, it was the only way to heal his wounds but he couldn't subject Ray to his love; he couldn't do that to his reason for living. He had survived because he knew Ray was there. Ray was everything but Fraser couldn't tell him. Silently he shed a tear but he let it fall. There was hope yet.

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They had nearly died.

They had nearly died out there in the wilderness. Ray couldn't believe the luck the two of them were having these days. This was supposed to be a fresh start, a chance to get over Victoria and those revelations in the hospital. Fraser had never said another word after Ray had told him his true feelings. They had both ignored it as if it hadn't happened. Fraser had still been keen on the idea to go north and rebuild the cabin so Ray played to their strengths. He had Fraser in his life, that was the most important thing.

Except they hadn't made it north. They had crashed in the woods with an escaped felon wandering about. Fraser had received that blow to the head and he wasn't himself. He insisted he be super-Mountie and do everything. It annoyed Ray as Victoria had made it clear that Fraser couldn't do everything. In the end it had been him who had carried an injured, delusional Mountie through the woods. Not that he regretted his actions. Fraser meant more to him than anyone else. No way was he going to let Fraser die. He had to admit even a concussed Fraser knew about his environment.

Then there had been Ray's father. His Pop had never exactly been an understanding guy, the opposite really. He felt his word was final. He knew how Ray felt about the Mountie. All the time he had been whispering in Ray's ear to abandon his best friend. His father was on at him to take care of number one. Ray's father knew how his son felt but he couldn't say anything. The fact he asked Ray to simply abandon Fraser was enough.

Ray had told his father he owed Fraser and he did. It might not have seemed that way but he felt he did. He had someone in his life who believed in him and who at least cared enough to ransack his house to stop him being framed. Fraser had been a light for Ray to follow and Ray, moth that he was, had been drawn toward it. He couldn't turn away, couldn't turn back. This was his path now.

Had his father started telling Ray he wasn't a real man but a queer, Ray would have fought back, hard. The reason for standing up to his father's ghost was Fraser and had been since the Mountie had come into his life. Fraser gave him a reason to ignore the voice that had battered his self esteem for more than thirty years. That was what he owed Fraser too. Without him, Ray might have given into his father's doubts but he didn't. That was what was important and why Ray loved Fraser more. He was the reason Ray was finally able to tell his father's ghost where to go. He had been freed of much of his self doubt in those woods. For that alone maybe the trip was worth it.

They were in a hotel now, recovering after their ordeal. Fraser must have known Ray would never leave him. Ray loved him too much for that. Yeah, maybe the Mountie was ignoring Ray's true intentions and putting it down to friendship or some brotherly crap but that wasn't the point. Fraser still appreciated Ray and had thanked him when they got to the hotel for all he had done. Sure, they had both spent a day in hospital but they had survived. They had survived far more than simply the elements and a plane crash.

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Fraser was showering. He often found water helped order his thoughts and contemplate things. He knew what other uses showers were put to but to him the feel of tepid water droplets hitting his skin and cleansing him was simply a way to reflect and think about the day gone by. As he stood there letting water flow over him he remembered the last few days.

His memory was hazy but there were moments he remembered clearly. The ones that stayed uppermost in his mind were of Ray taking care of him. Why had he acted as if he had no weaknesses when Ray was near? He just couldn't indicate how much he needed Ray, relied on Ray. At least that was what he supposed.

Whenever his father had appeared though, Fraser had always defended Ray. He had often thought that if his father was indeed in his head then in this case he was part of the persona he had communicated to Ray. Yet in the privacy of his own thoughts he was much more vocal about how he felt. He had known that despite his bravado and despite his knowledge, it had been Ray who had saved them. Fraser himself had been blind to many things in the past, his feelings, his emotions, his true thoughts. This time he really had been blind and had had Ray to guide him.

In fact Ray had guided him when he had been blind before. When he was in Chicago with no idea about the realities of city life, Ray had been his eyes showing him how to cope in what was to Fraser a far more barren land than the snow and rocks of his life up to that point. Ray had shown him more than that. Ray had shown him how to feel. Fraser felt things he had never felt before simply by being in Ray's presence, such as love. He had been blinded by Victoria but Ray had guided him back from the edge with a bullet. That bullet had made him see.

Fraser felt responsible for how they had crashed. He had known what he should do. He had known. His father had told him what he should have done. If the ghost of his father knew, if indeed he was a ghost, Fraser failed to see what had stopped him. If his father's ghost was just a figment of his imagination then he was even more puzzled as to why the knowledge hadn't surfaced.

Then there was Ray carrying him through the wilderness. Despite all Fraser had done, Ray still loved him and showed it time and time again. Ray was a giver. Fraser recalled Ray had given him the water, all the water. Fraser was puzzled by this; Ray had risked dehydration himself to help him. Then Fraser realised he would have done the same. He knew why too. He and Ray had a bond which was based on love and respect. Ray was in love with him and Fraser in love with Ray but he decided that after the disaster he had got Ray involved in, it was not a good idea to admit his feelings - even though the events of the last couple of days had shown how much he needed Ray. He had thanked him and hoped it was enough for a man who had been to hell and back over the last few months for him.

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Not long ago it had been a plane crash. Now it had been drowning on dry land. Ray had almost cursed himself for getting involved in another near death situation, but then it didn't matter when it came to the person he was with. For Fraser he'd go to the moon and bring back a sample of moon rock if Fraser believed it would help them solve the case. Fraser had risked their lives many times over but Ray had somehow always known they'd survive, together they could survive anything.

He winced at the anger he had expressed in the vault. Sure he shouldn't have made a phoney insurance claim but he was still hurting over the whole incident. He was just angry. He didn't know if he was angry at himself or if he was angry at Fraser. He'd taken his anger out on Fraser though and regretted it. It was just that since he had admitted his love for the Mountie, Fraser hadn't changed at all. While Ray knew that was a better reaction than Fraser cutting Ray out of his life but that wasn't the point. Ray just felt Fraser was still ambivalent.

Ray just wished the object of his affections would act like a normal human being. So much of the time he tried to shut himself out of emotion and it hurt Ray. Ray knew there was so much more to Fraser than simply being a Mountie. He felt privileged to see behind the red uniform to the man that wore it, the man he had fallen in love with. He knew Fraser as a person, a real person. But Ray wanted to know how Fraser felt most of all. Happy, sad, angry, Ray needed to see it all. Victoria had shown him his best friend had many layers and Ray hadn't yet seen them all. He wanted to though.

Maybe that was why he acted angrily in the hope that he would get a rise out of Fraser. He knew it was unfair of him but it was hard when the person you loved more than life itself didn't seem to want to confront that fact. Ray didn't know how Fraser felt about how Ray felt. That was perhaps the problem. He had neither a closed door nor an open one. He had simply a door. It was up to Fraser to decide what to do with it. Ray sighed as they headed back to Fraser's apartment. He had been quiet the whole way there and Fraser had too. Had this been too much of a strain on them? Was he losing Fraser because of his own feelings of inadequacy?

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Fraser stood in his damp clothes in his apartment and looked at Ray. Ray was also damp. The dampness spoke of yet another occasion where Fraser had risked their lives. He felt guilty about what he had done. Everyone he loved he hurt and he was pretty sure he had hurt Ray. Ray had been so angry in the vault, but he had had a point. He spoke a truth that Fraser never could. Ray had made him say sometimes he felt unappreciated and he did. Fraser wondered if Ray felt unappreciated too, was that why he had forced Fraser to say it?

Fraser felt guilty. Guilty that he couldn't tell Ray how he felt; guilty he had risked Ray despite all he meant to him; guilty that he had said Ray had failed him once. Ray had never failed him when it mattered. How many times had he failed Ray? Many, many times, in big ways too. It was he who was inadequate, not Ray.

Fraser wished he could take his feelings of love and be rid of them but he couldn't. He loved too much for that. He had not admitted to Ray how he felt but the feelings remained. Perhaps he it was time to make it clear. But Fraser was scared; he didn't want to risk Ray. The truth was Ray was already risked. Ray loved him and that was risk enough. Ray had never failed Fraser when it counted and it was about time Fraser stopped failing Ray.

"I'm sorry, Ray," he said.

"Sorry for what?"

"For risking your life again. For not appreciating you."

"Yeah."

"Ray I'm sorry if you're angry but..."

Ray couldn't stand this; he had to let what he was feeling out. "Yeah, I'm angry. Do you know why I'm angry?"

"Because I jeopardised your life again? Because I let you down? It's very understandable Ray."

"No! It's not that, Fraser. I still don't get to see you."

"Ray?"

"You cry, Fraser I know you do. I know you get really happy and really sad and I know you get angry but you never show me. I never get to see you. I thought I did but then she came along and I realised I don't really know you."

Fraser was shocked but Ray was right. "You do see me, Ray."

Ray ran his hand over his head. "No I don't, you're the same with me as you are with everyone else. I don't get anything more, I don't get anything extra - I just get to hear more Inuit tales. I'm in love with you and I don't know how you feel. I don't know if you think I'm nuts...maybe I am for loving someone like you. I mean I love you, knowing so little about you. Think about how much more I would if I could see more."

"You wouldn't like it, Ray. I can't....." For once words failed Fraser. Ray was right. Ray was in love with him and the truth was Ray had been at his side throughout the whole Victoria incident. Ray was the one person on the planet who wanted to know all of him. Who would be able to love all of him. Fraser couldn't deny Ray or himself any longer. He wouldn't let them down.

He went up to Ray slowly and Ray didn't say a word. Fraser grabbed Ray and kissed him gently on the lips. It wasn't a kiss with finesse nor was it deep and passionate. It was the presentation of the open door Ray had sought since the shooting.

"Benny," Ray whispered. Ray was shocked. The kiss hadn't really registered nor had its meaning.

"Ray, in the woods you saved my life, in the vault and after Victoria. I appreciated it, Ray I don't know if I ever made it clear. You did save my life."

"It was nothing, Benny," Ray shifted uncomfortably.

"But it was."

"You would have done the same."

"Yes, but I know it would have seemed that I wouldn't have done it because it was you."

Ray looked puzzled.

"I would have done it for anyone and I would have treated them in exactly the same way. You did it for me. That's not to say you wouldn't have helped someone else in that situation but all the time you were thinking specifically of me." Fraser had tried his best to explain. "It might have looked like I was doing it out of duty but you did it out of love, love for me."

Ray smiled a little. "Yeah. I guess I did." Ray's voice was a bit shyer now.

"But I would've done it out of love." Fraser whispered.

"What?"

"Ray I've tried for so long to ignore how I feel. I'm used to taking my emotions and closing them off. Ever since I was a child I've found that to be the best way of dealing with things. So I did the same with how I felt about you. I closed it off. When Vic...." Fraser paused. Saying her name would rid him of the fear he had for her. "When Victoria came I saw a way out, a way out of what I felt. She would've given me a short time when I didn't have to worry, when I could forget about everything else."

Ray felt the need to speak. "But you loved her!"

"I loved an image, Ray. I loved a person I created on lonely nights when there was nothing else. You've heard myths about sirens luring sailors to their doom with their singing? She did the same to me with her voice. I never saw her, I never saw her like I'm seeing you now."

Fraser reached out and grabbed Ray's hand.

"What are you saying, Benny?"

"I love you, Ray, I've always....loved." Fraser smiled a little.

"I love you too."

"I don't want to hurt you, Ray."

"Hurt me?"

"I always seem to do that, hurt the ones I love. I hurt them and lose them. I love you but I need you to accept that this love is more powerful than anything I've ever felt."

Fraser had never expressed himself so clearly but he had never had so much so much at stake as both Ray and his own happiness all rolled into one. For Ray was his happiness and his happiness was Ray. They were bound up together and if Fraser lost one, he would have lost the other. This was his future.

Ray as always knew how much this meant. "It's okay, Benny, I figure we've got forever together."

Ray knew by Fraser's reaction he had said just the right word, forever.

"Ray," Fraser licked his lower lip. "Can we... that is... could we....I want to kiss you again."

It had been hard for Fraser to admit that but it was just part of his coming to terms with his love. He had needs and wants that centred around Ray. Ray had the same. By realising this they were taking a big step forward.

Ray's mouth was but a breath away from Fraser's "I do too."

And then it happened, their first real kiss. Before it had been a fumbling attempt by Fraser to show Ray his feelings but it had overwhelmed him. That was why he had felt the need to ask. He didn't want to force his love on Ray despite the fact he knew it was returned just as strongly. That was why it was Ray who gently pressed his lips against Fraser's.

It was just a simple contact. Fraser felt Ray's arms go around him and he did the same. He never wanted it to end, this feeling of connection but it did, briefly. Then they came together again and enjoyed a deeper kiss. Fraser tasted Ray's mouth and found he was addicted. Ray had a taste and it was a taste of love. Fraser only hoped Ray tasted the same in his mouth. Ray did. It was the sweetest kiss he had ever had. It was just the two of them.

Gently they stopped and smiled shyly at each other. A few more kisses were shared before Fraser's stomach rumbled and broke the mood.

"I think we need dinner," Ray said.

Fraser agreed. "Yes, you will stay for dinner?"

Ray nodded. "I'll stay all night but, Benny, we're going to take this slow, okay?"

Fraser nodded.

"I mean we're gonna...you know...make love but we're going to work up to it, okay? `Cos we are not gonna be stuck in here for three days and forget about the world."

"Thank you, Ray," he whispered as they embraced.

"I think I'll cook, Benny if that's okay."

"That's fine," Fraser smiled as Ray got pots and pans out.

While Ray was preparing a simple pasta and sauce dish he said, "My cooking isn't exactly fancy, Benny."

Fraser stood nearby. There were occasional touches, caresses, the odd kiss. It might not have been spectacular fireworks but that was the point. Passion and fireworks consumed Fraser from within. This gentleness created a rock, a strong foundation where Fraser could place his love without fear, it would be safe there. It would be safe and last.

They ate quietly, looking at each the way new lovers did, shyly and with shining love. Now and then Ray lifted his fork to Fraser's mouth and Fraser eagerly took what Ray had to offer. He repeated the gesture to Ray so by the end they had each eaten about half of each plate. Diefenbaker had eaten a whole plate to himself fascinated over his pack mates sharing. It must be true love if they were willing to do that! The wolf was very canny.

Fraser insisted he do the dishes. Ray was going to protest but Fraser wasn't going to take no for an answer. In return Ray spent the whole time holding onto Fraser and resting his head on his shoulder, occasionally kissing him and whispering in his ear so much it made Fraser laugh, really laugh. The first time he had done so in years. Maybe it was because he felt safe; there was no pressure here just a gentle exploration of feelings that were new and exciting. He was happy to explore this new territory with Ray as his guide.

Once they had finished the dishes they just held each other on the bed. This then led onto a rather extended session of kissing but Ray held the line.

"Soon, Benny, real soon."

Fraser was content with that. He knew Ray was doing this for the right reasons; he was taking care of him.

Ray insisted he stay the night and Fraser wasn't going to argue. He needed Ray next to him tonight. He felt he would need and want Ray next to him every night but that was something that could wait to be discussed. However that didn't mean that Fraser wasn't concerned for Ray's wellbeing.

"Ray, won't your mother be worried?"

Ray grabbed his phone. "I'll just call her and tell her I'm staying here. She'll probably be more worried about you, thinking you're sick or something," Ray said wistfully.

Fraser listened to the phone call Ray was making and couldn't help but feel love, his love for Ray and feeling loved, at the way Ray explained it to his mother.

"Yeah Ma...no things are fine...no he's not sick...yes I'll take good care of him..."

Ray finished the call and out the phone away in his coat pocket. He sat on the bed and took Fraser in his arms.

"Geez, Benny I thought she was gonna come `round with several gallons of chicken soup. Ma's got herself convinced you must have flu or something." Ray smiled and kissed Fraser.

They held each other and slowly dropped off to sleep. Fraser didn't feel ill in the slightest. He felt better than he had in years. In fact he felt better than he ever felt. It was all thanks to Ray. Tomorrow was another day but it was another day of being with Ray. For that reason alone he would get up. Unfortunately they would both have to go to work tomorrow. Fraser hoped he could cope but with Ray, how could he not?

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It was after noon, to be precise it was 12.37 pm. Fraser was beginning to feel lost sitting in his office staring at the sheets of paper that had to be ordered alphabetically. Ray said he would pick him up for lunch before 1pm and Fraser was starting to worry. Yes Ray had plenty of time and was probably on his way at that very moment but that didn't change the fact time was moving forward. He was having Ray withdrawal symptoms, even though he knew Ray wouldn't let him down. He had never failed Fraser and certainly wouldn't now.

Fraser held onto the memories of the morning. It had been nice to wake up next to Ray, to have another body in bed, a body that Fraser loved, really loved. He had never got used to how beautiful Ray was. After a good morning kiss he had commented on this to Ray who had laughed. "Me? Beautiful? First thing in the morning? Geez, Benny what do I look like when I've shaved?" Fraser understood why Ray had said this but it hadn't changed anything. Ray was still beautiful in the morning. The rest of the day he was simply more beautiful.

Fraser felt like sighing, he felt like a lovesick teenager and knew it wasn't becoming of a Mountie though he wouldn't let anyone take away what he was feeling. He touched his lips remembering the feeling he had when Ray had kissed him goodbye when they left the apartment, they obviously weren't able to do that in public. Ray had given his hand a squeeze as he had exited the Riv and that touch had stayed with Fraser all day. Fraser had heard about ghosts of touches before but never thought that the adage was true. He did feel the ghost of Ray's touch and it was like carrying a bit of love in the air surrounding where Ray had touched him. Now only if Ray himself would appear. Fraser looked at his watch, 12.39 pm.

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Ray looked at his watch. It was twenty to one already. Ray was worried. He was missing Fraser they hadn't been able to see each other all morning due to their respective duties. Fraser had had such a sad look in eyes when he left the Riv despite the fact Ray had squeezed his hand. Ray had felt a bit lost too. They had their goodbye kiss in Fraser's apartment as they couldn't afford such a public display of affection. It was shame but Ray cherished what they had even if for the most part their love was out of view of the rest of the world. His world was Fraser, that's all that mattered.

He remembered how nice it was to wake in the same bed as someone else. It was something he hadn't done for a long time but this morning made up for all the time he'd spent alone. He had Fraser, Benny, next to him in bed and Fraser really was beautiful in the morning. He'd said the same thing about Ray. At the time Ray had laughed it off but he realised that Fraser was being serious. Of course Fraser was as honest as they come so there would be no way he would lie. Ray just had never seen himself as beautiful, even in the morning. The way Fraser had said it made him smile. He was seriously missing him now. Fortunately he pulled up outside the consulate and literally raced up the stairs to Fraser's office.

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Fraser was about to give up hope that Ray would be on time and began to compile a list of excuses. He could have been delayed on a case, paperwork or interviewing a suspect. Fraser barely noticed when Diefenbaker got up and wagged his tail. He woofed and Fraser looked at the door just as Ray Vecchio came bounding in.

"Ray," Fraser said as he got up and embraced his lover. His lover. He was slightly startled by the words had come into his head but trusted in their sincerity.

"Hey, Benny," Ray said as he returned his lover's hug. His lover. Ray was surprised he thought about Fraser in such clear terms but went with the flow.

Kissing in Fraser's office may not have been the smartest idea, especially as Fraser's new superior officer seemed of the opinion he should be fired but they couldn't help themselves.

When they parted Ray smiled. "Come on I'm starved and fur face looks like he could use something to eat." T

hey managed to gain some deportment walking down the stairs but once in the Riv they smiled at each other. Ray held Fraser's hand all the way to the diner and all the way back. Fraser had to leave Ray again but not before another kiss was sneaked inside his office. Five o'clock couldn't come around fast enough. When it did they travelled back to Fraser's apartment and spent a pleasant evening in each other's company, talking and learning about each other. Nothing was rushed as they quietly courted.

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The next week passed. Fraser went to work, Ray went to work but whenever they could they would meet up and spend time with each other. Ray was still pretty much living with Fraser but Fraser knew Ray wasn't happy with the building. Ray himself couldn't leave Fraser there were many reasons and one was he just didn't want to be apart from him. He knew Fraser felt the same way. Ray had to admit that while leaving Fraser wasn't something that appealed living in Fraser's apartment permanently didn't appeal either. What he didn't know was that Fraser, feeling guilty about monopolising Ray so much, was already looking into other apartments.

For now though they remained at apartment 3J West Racine and Ray was coping if nothing else. But a week had passed and Ray felt it was finally time to make love with Fraser. Neither had wanted to rush into the sexual side of their relationship but Ray now felt that Fraser really wanted it it, needed it even. And Ray himself needed it, badly; but Ray would not be so cavalier to presume Fraser's thoughts on the matter so brought it up in discussion.

"Benny?" Ray said quietly over dinner.

"Yes, Ray?" Fraser looked up with hopeful eyes. He wanted to speak with Ray about the physical side of their relationship. He desperately wanted to make love with Ray but he had trusted Ray's judgement on the matter more than his own.

Ray took hold of Fraser's hand. "Look we haven't actually made love yet but if you want to...I mean I want to but I don't want to force you. So if you feel you want to and that you're ready let me know."

Fraser had to smile at Ray's babble. His heart soared. Finally. The last week had seemed like an eternity. They had slept next to each other every night, kissed, made out, embraced and both had got aroused but they had never actually made love.

"I'm ready, Ray and I want this," Fraser had to repeat the words. "I want this, I want you."

Ray grinned. It was finally time.

Still there was no sense rushing things, they'd waited this long. So they cleared away the plates, washed up, made sure Dief wouldn't disturb them and wedged a chair under the door so they wouldn't be disturbed by the neighbours either. Finally everything was ready.

They started off slowly, a simple kiss and a caress. The continued, each eager but wanting to savour each moment. Ray gently deepened the kiss and Fraser definitely moaned as Ray explored his mouth. Ray would have smiled had he been able. Then Ray shifted his lower body to Fraser's and each felt the erection of the other. Fraser pulled back slightly. He searched Ray's eyes and easily found the love in them. This time it was Fraser would explored Ray's mouth and delighted in the texture and feel, there was an extra something there tonight, something Fraser couldn't place but it was a source of much pleasure.

Ray got them to the bed and then they pulled apart and undressed in front of each other. It would be quicker and it was nice to finally take the time to appreciate each other naked. A naked Fraser came behind Ray and nuzzled near his ear whispering "You're beautiful."

Ray turned around to face Fraser, taking in the sight before him, "Not as beautiful as you."

Before Fraser could answer Ray captured his mouth in a kiss and they stumbled to the bed, allowing their passion to take over like an ember becoming a flame. Neither had done this kind of thing before but Ray had an idea. He pushed his now naked erection against Fraser's and knew he had done something right when the Mountie bucked against him. Gently Ray kissed his lover and as their tongues found a rhythm so did their groins. Ray pushed himself against his lover and Fraser did the same. Ray brought his hand down to their cocks, still kissing Fraser and gently stroked them together. He knew they were both close.

Finally the rhythm speeded up as they moaned into each other's mouths. There were words of love whispered. Then with a cry as first Fraser and then Ray let go. Ray collapsed fully on top of Fraser as their seed mingled together. After a few moments Ray lifted himself up slightly. Fraser's arms tightened around him so Ray gave him a kiss.

"I love you, Ray," Fraser said finding his words inadequate even though he spoke the truth.

"I love you, too, Benny," Ray smiled.

Fraser got up and left the bed squeezing Ray's hand as he did so. He brought two damp cloths and they wiped each down gently caressing as they went but they were too tired to go further. Than they simply folded the cloths and Fraser out them beside the bed to be dealt with in the morning. Then they settled themselves for sleep.

Fraser felt safe and secure. Finally it had happened. It seemed a shame to sleep but they were both tired. Ray would never leave him; he knew that, he'd known that all along. They were bound together now. Fraser smiled as he had an image of a walrus pelt in his mind. With Ray by his side he could felt he could do anything.

Ray fell asleep knowing he could never leave Fraser they were bound to each other now. Ray had made a commitment to Fraser a long time ago and now it was affirmed. This was it now for both of them. That knowledge warmed Ray as he fell asleep clutching the person he would be with for the rest of his life.

They lay entwined together on the bed fast asleep. A picture of love and caring. Whatever happened in the future they would have each other and in each other they each had their home. It had been a rocky road but they had traversed it successfully. They had finally been brought together, come together. Whatever the future they would be together.