Disclaimer: I don't own them more's the pity. Alliance do and aren't they lucky?

Author's Notes: Thanks to all those who prodded me in the direction of this bunny.

Story Notes: I'm always fascinated about when people put first times between the boys. I usually put them as getting together after Victoria but I can believe they were together in a slash sense earlier. I was fascinated by how touchy feely Fraser was in the episode 'Free Willie' Ray had started calling him Benny in this episode too. Which started me on a what if? of events between the pilot and that ep.

Fraser stared at the ceiling in his hotel room. He sighed. It was 2AM and he was still awake. Part of that could be the new surroundings. The room he was in wasn't much like home. The only wood was furniture made of cheap particle board. The paint was faded and peeling in certain areas. The paintings that were on the wall had long ceased to give him any interest: standard hotel art, tepid and seemingly uninspired.

He could hear the banging of the couple in the room above and he shifted uncomfortably on his bed. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea but the noise of lovemaking brought back memories which Fraser couldn't help but visualise. Memories of the night he and Ray had spent in the cabin together.

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They had delivered Gerard to the authorities and they had arranged his medical care. Of course Fraser himself needed some treatment for the wound he had received on his upper arm. Once that was done, he and Ray had gone to check on Dief who was still critical at the vet's. He had had surgery but the vet was less than optimistic. In an effort to take Fraser's mind off it Ray had suggested they give their reports and fill out paperwork.

That had taken most of the day and they had ended up sleeping at the small medical centre. The next day Diefenbaker had improved. He had made it through the night. But the vet still wanted the wolf to stay a few more days. Fraser knew he should really clean up the cabin and Ray offered to come with him and help.

Fraser was touched by this concern. He had wondered if Ray was alright staying but as Ray was injured and thus on sick leave he said he hadn't minded. He made a phone call and told his mother he'd be staying a couple of days longer. While she was worried Ray assured her he'd take it he just needed to sort out a few things.

So he and Ray had made their way back to the cabin. Once there Fraser was hurt by how much had been destroyed. Tears welled up as he saw his father's possessions strewn and broken about the floor but he fought the tears back. He was safe; Ray was safe they had much to be thankful for. Gently Ray had bent down and started picking up the pieces of the shattered mirror. And wordlessly Fraser had joined him.

Time passed quickly. They enjoyed each other's company and talked about many things. Fraser found it cathartic to finally talk to someone about what had happened even in the halting way men do. Ray was there to listen, to give him a pat on the shoulder and cheering him up by sharing stories of the antics of his family. Fraser hadn't felt so glad to have another human being around in years.

Soon it had got dark and cold. Ray had visibly started to shiver. He wasn't use to the drop in temperature. Fraser had lit the fire but Ray would also benefit from close body contact. It was only right then that they shared the bed. They collapsed onto it together and just lay there, holding each other. It was nice, pleasant. Ray stopped shivering and snuggled closer. They feel asleep together and in the morning woke up and started the cleaning process again. So it was they fell into that routine.

That night they had slept again in the same bed, holding each other. This time there were gentle touches and caresses. Ray's body was still battered from the explosion and Fraser's arm was sore from his own injury. It was somehow no surprise when Ray kissed the hurt on Fraser's arm and Fraser returned the gesture, kissing the scar on Ray's shoulder. Gently their lips had come together and they kissed. Then smiling they had simply fallen asleep.

The third night had been Ray's night last night at the cabin. They had kissed a lot longer this time. Petting and stroking and caressing but it went no further. Both men knew it was the last night and that truth be told it might be the last time they'd see each other. It hurt inside to feel that; Fraser felt something had been ripped from him but they belonged thousands of miles apart. Much as he loved Ray - and he did love him even after such a short time - in the long run this would stop them both getting their hearts broken.

And so Ray had kissed him the next morning, got up and by the mid-afternoon he had left once Fraser had given him a lift into town and picked up Dief. Funnily Ray had asked to borrow Fraser's shirt, he had had no luggage. As a result he had left his own shirt behind. Fraser returned to an empty cabin and picked up that shirt, holding it and smelling it to remind himself what he had almost had, what he would love to have had.

Then he had got orders to come to Chicago. He was an outcast in his homeland, cast adrift from the place he had called home all his life. He wore Ray's shirt on the journey to Chicago and checked into the hotel he had previously occupied. And now he lay there in the dark, alone. The barren rocks and snow of his home having been replaced by concrete and asphalt.

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Ray was uppermost in his mind. He was in Chicago now. Ray was here too. Could they rekindle what they had almost had back in the cabin in the cold, long nights when it was just the two of them? What could he say to Ray, `hi I want to be your lover'? No it wasn't right. He wouldn't use Ray's generosity like that. In just a few days the man had become a close friend. If that was all he could get from Ray, who may not be comfortable with the idea now they were in Chicago, he would be grateful, just as long as he could see him again.

He looked at his father's watch in the dim light blaring in from the streets, it was 2.30AM. He couldn't sleep in this alien environment. Too many thoughts were going around his head. Diefenbaker was still in quarantine so he didn't have the wolf to keep him company. As he turned over for the seventh time he heard a gentle tap on the door to his room.

Throwing back the covers he climbed out of bed. He could use some sort of distraction whatever it might be. He was not nervous about opening the door. In this strange place he was confident he could cope with what ever lay on the other side.

As he opened it he saw what lay on the other side, a slightly rumpled Ray Vecchio who seemed to have been lacking sleep for several days. He did look better than he had in Canada though, for the neck brace and sling were gone.

"Ray?"

"Hey, Fraser," Ray's voice was quiet. "I know it's late but can I come in?"

Fraser stepped aside and allowed Ray to enter. "Of course, Ray. I must admit I'm surprised to see you."

Ray went over the window before turning to face Fraser. "Yeah, I heard you were back in Chicago."

"I'm sorry I didn't call, Ray."

Ray smiled. "It's okay."

There was a silence of words that needed to be said but neither man had the courage to make the first move. Finally Fraser spoke up.

"Why are you here, Ray?"

Ray rubbed his eyes. "I couldn't sleep, Fraser. Haven't been able to sleep much since I knew you were coming back."

Fraser remembered he had actually made a brief phone call to Ray or more Ray had made a call to him asking how the trial went and Fraser had mentioned being transferred back.

"I'm sorry if I caused you a lack of sleep, Ray."

Ray smothered a snicker. "It wasn't just you," he said. "It was me too."

"You?"

"Yeah. You remember what happened in the cabin?"

For a moment Fraser was tempted to ask specifically which incident Ray was referring to. Such a lot had happened there but he knew Ray wasn't referring to the men in white suits, the dogsled chase or the clearing up. He was referring to what had happened afterward when they had found there was so much between them and had made the painful decision to keep things restrained.

Fraser's answer was a simple, "Yes."

Ray moved closer. "Me too." He reached up and touched Fraser's cheek.

"It's been driving me crazy," Ray said. "What might have happened, what we could have had. I mean I've never fallen for anybody like that so quickly ever."

"Nor I," Fraser whispered. He wanted to pull away stop this now. But he couldn't. This was something he wanted with every fibre of his being.

Yet he voiced his concern. "At the time, Ray, we didn't know. I had no idea what would happen after the trial. We made the right decision."

Fraser felt his words almost echo against the cold stark walls. He didn't believe they had. All he knew was he wanted Ray. He felt love for Ray. He wanted back what they had had at the cabin.

Ray had expected the answer and began to cast away Fraser's doubts. "Yeah, I mean we lived thousands of miles away from each and a relationship wouldn't last over the distance and I wanted more from you than a quick night of sex. I know that. But you're here, I'm here now and we have a chance."

Fraser clasped one of Ray's hands and held it tightly. "I know, Ray but one day I expect to go home and...." He couldn't finish that sentiment. He had just made excuses for running away and that would never do. Ray deserved more. They deserved more.

"Please, Fraser don't write us off. Give us a chance."

Ray was right. He was right. How often do you get a connection between a person that you just click together? How often do you find yourself wishing for them when you lie half a world away? It was a rare thing. It was worth it. They were worth it.

Fraser gently moved forward. "Yes, Ray," he whispered as he pressed his lips to Ray's.

This was far different from the kisses they had shared at the cabin. This was love, commitment, the future. Whatever happened they would have this now. They would have more than this.

Clothes were flung across the room with no heed given to the state of the carpet. They fell to the bed together unable to break apart. They were kissing. Fraser rolled them over so Ray was on top and he felt Ray's skin warm against his and drew him into another kiss. He didn't care what happened now. All that mattered was them. They were together.

They kissed whatever skin they could reach as their hands both drew the other one to them. Fraser was now on top and nuzzling Ray's chest. He made a thorough exploration of Ray's chest, nipples and lower down to his navel. Ray watched the light playing on Fraser's body as Fraser took Ray's erection into his mouth and suckled. Ray arched up and came.

Fraser made his way back to Ray mouth. Ray's beautiful hands drew Fraser's mouth to him and they kissed deeply. Then it was Ray's turn to explore. He was not as confident as Fraser had been but still he was gentle and Fraser could feel goosebumps all over his skin as he moaned in pleasure. Ray repeated the action Fraser had on him but added fondling and stroking beforehand, driving Fraser mad until finally he was engulfed in warm wetness and came.

Ray then lay down and kissed Fraser's chest. "Love you, Benny," he mumbled as he fell asleep wrapped in strong arms.

Fraser smiled; Benny. He had never been called that before. It sounded nice, right coming from Ray as if he had called him love. Fraser tightened his grip and stroked his skin. He couldn't stop touching Ray. He stroked Ray's surprisingly soft hair with the back of his hands and squeezed Ray's shoulder. As he followed his lover into sleep, his last thought was perhaps Chicago wouldn't be so bad after all.