Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Alliance. But once in a while they like to come out and play with my head.

Author's Notes: Not beta'd, all errors are mine.

Story Notes: PG for mild language.

I'm dying and no one even noticed. Fraser left on Monday. He went home to Canada. The RCMP finally got their collective heads out of their asses and realized what a good cop he is. He was transferred home without notice. We didn't even have time to say goodbye. The new inspector at the consulate just called Welsh and told him Fraser was no longer available. They didn't even let him come to the station. Frannie is a total basket case. Everyone is being so damn careful around her. What about me damn it? I'm his partner.

I just poke my head into Welsh's office and tell him I'm clocking out for the day. He just looked at me, nodded and reminded me I still have to cover for Vecchio, not to go traipsing after the Mountie. I think he knows me better than I do. I stop for some take-out and go strait home.

I am sitting here wondering when my happiness became so wrapped up in Fraser. I suddenly get this feeling that my life is really turning to shit. I try to remember what I used to do before we started hanging out together. Can't come up with one fucking thing. I know I'm a good undercover cop, but it doesn't seem important now. I'm covering for a guy who I'd love to kick in the head, but I've still got to keep the cover intact. I could never understand how Vecchio could just take off on Fraser like that, and what happens? He turns around and does it to me. We all three of us are slaves to duty in one way or another.

Seems my life went from depending on Stella to define me, to depending on Fraser. The difference is Stella only defined my life. Ben Fraser has somehow come to define my soul, and he doesn't have a clue. I am so lost right now I don't even think I have the energy to get undressed for bed, I'm just going to lay here on the couch for eternity.

I hate the phone. Tuesday Frannie called and woke me up. I walked into the bullpen to Welsh yelling at me for not being there. Day just went down the crapper from there. I got stuck doing paperwork all damn day. God I miss Fraser so much, he would have had us in and out of there in half the time. Drove past the consulate on the way home and got pissed off that someone else was standing guard duty. Stupid because I always got mad when they made him do it. Still can't figure out what the hell they're supposed to be protecting anyway. Went to the gym for a work out. Shit, I can't even be honest with myself, I got my ass beat. I just couldn't concentrate on the other guy. He kept knocking me around until the gym owner called it off and sent me home. Just looked at myself in the mirror and it looks bad. If Fraser were here he'd put some of that smelly shit on me. Going to just take a shower and get some sleep, nothing else to stay up for.

At least I made it to the precinct on my own today. Welsh called me into his office to discuss my new partner. Told him I didn't need one, didn't want one, and wasn't going to work with one. He was expecting that. I now have a choice, Get a new partner and continue my cover of Vecchio, or get transferred and get my own name back. At least he gave me a couple of days to think about it. I took me only a few minutes thinking of what Fraser would want me to do. So I start a new partner Monday morning. Great at least it gives me the weekend to get my head together. I go to the park after work and just sit looking at the trees swaying in the wind. It's kind of pretty. Makes me think of all that open space Fraser has now, he must be in seventh heaven. I know he missed being home so much, even though he never said it. I sat in the park until about 10:00 o'clock, then drove to the Chinese take out place for dinner and headed home. I was surprised that I had a message from Stella on my machine, no details just wanted me to call her back. I'll do it tomorrow, I'm not in the mood to play any games tonight.

This time it was Stella calling to wake me up. I told her I'd meet her for a "breakfast date" at the diner. She was already there when I came in. She says she's worried about me, that everyone at the station has noticed that I haven't been normal. That's a laugh, I've never been normal. I snapped, I asked her what right she has to check up on me. That she never seems to care before, why the hell now. She got this sad look and just said, "Fraser asked me to." That stopped me in my tracks. Fraser was in touch with Stella but not me? Why? What did I do wrong? They didn't like each other before, but now their friends? I was confused to say the least. Seems Stella had to call Fraser about a case she has that he was a witness on, and he asked her to check on me. I told her I just didn't understand what the hell is wrong with me that no one can stay with me. She left, my parents left, and now Fraser. I must really be damaged. Stella just looked at me and said "Ray I have only one question for you. "Are you in love with him?" Whoa! Backtrack. What the hell is she thinking, Fraser was only my partner and friend. Right? I had to leave before she saw how hurt I am. I just looked at her and said I had to go. I took a long walk to think it out, and realized that she was right. I have to fix this. First things first I got to the station and cleaned up my desk. Welsh came over and jokingly asked if I was cleaning up to impress the new partner? I didn't think, just said "Got a partner, just have to find him and convince him I'm worth it" Welsh just starred at me and said I should stop and think about what I'm doing. "Nope Lieu. I got to get this done, Ben is out there alone, and I've got to get to him before it's too late." He asked me to come into his office, not told, asked. He says he was afraid this might happen, so it seems I now have all my vacation and sick time to find Fraser and make a decision. You could have knocked me over with that damned proverbial feather. He even called the consulate for me and found out where Fraser is, and how to get there. I leave tomorrow. I guess I won't have to worry about breaking in a new partner after all. Just have to find the real one.

Fin?

End Abandoned by Victoria D.: godoy58@att.net

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