Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/callinuk

Disclaimer: Due South and all of its characters belong to Alliance Communications

Author's Notes:

Story Notes:

The sound of the apartment door closing awakens me from my light slumber. I rub the sleepiness from my eyes as I roll onto my side to squint at the clock on the night stand. I blink twice forcing my eyes to acclimatize to the darkness of the room. The clock reads midnight, and I can't help sighing to myself knowing that Ray has been driving the streets of the city trying to calm himself before coming back to the apartment we have made our home.

I close my eyes again as I listen to him moving quietly around the living room. I smile to myself as I hear him whispering to Diefenbaker. My mind absently conjures up a picture of the two of them - Ray kneeling his arms wrapped around the white furry neck as Diefenbaker licks at his face. I smile again as I hear the clanking of a kitchen cupboard and I know Ray is spoiling Diefenbaker with cookies.

I lay still, my eyes closed, as I hear him enter our bedroom. He moves quietly around the room, and I know he is trying not to wake me. I hear two thumps as his boots hit the floor, and I smile as he curses under his breath. The rustling sound of Ray removing his clothes, dropping them where he stands, seems to echo around the silence of the room.

He's close - I can feel his eyes looking up and down my body, watching me as I lay in our bed. He is sad - I can sense his mood as it washes over and through his body. Keeping my eyes closed and my breathing even, I pretend to be asleep. It won't fool him, but I know, deep within me, that he doesn't want me to look at him, doesn't want me to see the hurt and pain on his face. It's a sixth sense we possess - somehow we know instinctively when the other needs comfort or a hug or space. Ray says it's because we are a duet, but the romantic in me likes to think it's because we are soul mates, that we are meant to be together forever. Ray teases me mercilessly, but it warms me to the core because I know, despite his teasing, that Ray secretly agrees with the sentiment.

As he stands still, I listen to his soft breathing in the silence of the room, and my body reacts to the thought of Ray naked and beautiful three feet away from me. "No," I chastise myself biting the inside of my mouth as I turn my thoughts to icebergs resisting the temptation to reach out and comfort him.

With a small sigh, Ray creeps towards the small adjoining bathroom. Opening my eyes, I turn lifting my head as I look towards the light. The door is slightly ajar, and I can hear the sound of water running as Ray splashes it onto his face. The running water stops, the bathroom light clicks out, the door opens and I hear his bare feet pad across the room towards our bed.

The bed dips as Ray slides under the comforter. I lay still as he sidles up to my back and nuzzles my neck. "Love you Ben," he whispers softly as he presses his lips to my shoulder.

I can't resist anymore, and I turn to face him drawing him into my arms. Ray sighs into my chest as he snuggles closer, his soft spikes tickling my chin. He's cold, and he shivers slightly as his cool skin touches my sleep warm body.

"Sorry," he murmurs into my chest. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," I murmur back as I stroke my hand down his back. "I can't sleep when you're not here with me."

"Must be love," he laughs lightly as he nuzzles my chest with his nose.

"Guilty as charged," I tease still stroking his back. He laughs again, but it sounds sad to my ears. He cuddles closer to me, and I take a deep breath. "So how were your parents?" I ask managing to keep the squeak out of my voice.

Ray loves his parents. But Damien and Barbara Kowalski don't understand our relationship, and have made their feelings towards me and our relationship quite clear. Ray is their son, and is invited every month to a family Sunday dinner, but there's a silent understanding that I do not accompany him, and he mustn't speak of me or our relationship. And he hates it.

And I hate myself for insisting that he go to visit them every month. Perhaps it has something to do with my own lack of parents - that I didn't get to visit them for a monthly Sunday dinner. And I don't want Ray to miss out on a relationship with his parents, after so long away from them. But every time he comes home from a visit, Ray is melancholy and quiet for days after. And it breaks my heart to see him so sad.

I can feel him shrug his shoulders against me. "OK," he lies. His voice is soft, and he cuddles even closer to me as if trying to re-assure me with his body that he is here, that he won't be going anywhere. I think he knows that I am afraid that one day his parents will make him choose - them or me.

"Ray," I say softly moving my hand up into his hair. "It's alright."

"I hate it," he chokes as he buries his head into my chest. I feel him shuddering against me trying to hold back the tears. "It totally..... sucks."

"Sshhh," I murmur into his hair trying to bite back my own tears. "I know." I caress his back again trying to soothe him with touch. "I know," I croon again.

"Why?" he wriggles out of my embrace squinting up at my face in the darkness. "Why can't they see that we love each other? We're not hurting anyone," he buries his head back in my chest. "All they see is two guys in.... in bed having sex," he says bitterly. "And they think..... think it's dirty and disgusting. And don't say I'm wrong.... because I see the look on... on their faces."

"Ray," I repeat softly. "Don't. Don't let them hurt you.... or us with their short sightedness."

"Oh Ben," Ray looks up at me again and I can just make out the wetness in his beautiful pale eyes. "I love you."

My eyes have become accustomed to the dark, and I can see that his eyes are red-rimmed. My heart constricts with a sudden pain as I realise that Ray has probably been sitting alone somewhere in the GTO crying. "I love you too," I say pulling him closer. I smile down at him as I stroke my hand up his face wiping away a stray tear that has fallen from the corner of one eye. "I love you too," I repeat as I kiss him lightly on the forehead.

Ray returns the kiss, his cool lips making me start slightly. Shifting, he wipes at his own eyes. "Why don't they see this?" he mimics my caress with a slender hand. "Why don't they see the love? Why can't they accept that we love each other?"

I am at a loss at how to answer his questions. "I don't know," I finally admit softly. "Perhaps they don't want to see it. Perhaps they think it will go away if they ignore it. And I suppose it must be hard for them to believe that their son is in love with a man." I can feel Ray nodding his head, but he remains silent.

We lay in silence, wrapped in each other's arm, our legs entwined. We are so content and happy with our life together, and I wish with all my heart that Ray's parents would understand how we feel - not for me, but for Ray. I count myself lucky every day that he is with me - he is quite simply my whole life, and I know I couldn't live without him.

I smile to myself as Ray begins to fidget in my embrace. I guessed that he had something else on his mind - all I had to do was be patient, and I knew he would tell me. Ray lets out another long sigh. "Promise you won't be mad at me?" he finally says.

"I promise," I say as I kiss the top of his head. "I never get mad at you."

Ray snorts. "Except when I leave my stuff all over the floor," he giggles. "And then there's when I feed Dief cookies and pizza behind your back. And then..."

"Well alright then," I silence him with a finger on his lips. "Let me put it another way, I don't get mad at you all the time."

Ray smiles at me before sighing again. I squeeze him in encouragement smiling back at him. "I chose today," Ray says cryptically.

"Chose what?" I ask confused.

Ray shifts in the embrace to stare up at me. "You," he smiles softly at me.

"I don't understand," I stutter, still confused. "What do you....," I start to say.

"Ssshh," he silences me using his finger on my lips. "I chose you today. Well I chose you over a year ago.... but today," he babbles.

"Ray," I say more sharply than I intended. "You're blithering worse than I do," I soften my tone, and add a smile.

"Sorry," he grins up at me. "What I was trying to say was that today I decided that next month, either you and me go to dinner at my parents' house or I don't go at all. And.... and I told them all today."

"Oh dear," I murmur. "Do you think that was wise?"

"Nah probably not," Ray replies. "I think it kinda put them off the cherry pie my Mum had made."

"Oh Ray," I pull him closer. He's trying to be light-hearted, but I know that this is hurting him, deep inside. I know that behind the constant motion, noise and brashness, there is a kind, loving and sensitive man, who is easily hurt.

"I'm OK Ben. Really," Ray insists as he senses my anxiety. He runs a hand along my arm making me shiver. "But I just couldn't stand it any longer," he murmurs. "Mum and Dad sit there talking all about what they have been doing. Listening to what my brother and his wife have done," he takes a deep breath. "But they never ask or wanna hear what we've been doing." He looks into my eyes, his expression earnest. "You know I ..... we had such a great time last weekend. And I wanted to tell them all about it. Show them the photos we took, but I knew they wouldn't be interested." Ray caresses my arm again. "And I hate it. It sucks big time. So I told them no more."

"I see," I mutter. My mind is in turmoil and I can feel my body tensing - what if Ray's parents refuse to talk or see him again because of me. I couldn't bear to be the cause of more pain for Ray.

"Ben. Are you OK?" Ray asks, his voice anxious. "Because I don't want you to worry about anything. We're cool. OK?" He's done it again - he sensed my rising panic. He's kissing me - soft gentle kisses, loving and re-assuring kisses, and I relax my body. God, I am so lucky to have him in my life. He's saying something, and I clear my mind of my silly worries to concentrate on him and his words.

"It's just that you and me are important," Ray whispers. "I can live without my parents, but I can't live without you." He taps my chest lightly with a finger. "You and me. Forever. And to hell with everyone else. OK?"

"Oh Ray," I pull him closer crushing him to my body. "Yes. Forever. I love you. I love you," I chant happily.

"Love you too Ben," I can hear a smile in his voice. "But kinda crushing me here."

"I know," I reply with a smile relaxing my arms slightly, but still holding him close to me.

"Oh," Ray laughs. "OK then." He yawns as he snuggles closer resting his head on my shoulder - his favourite place. I can hear his breathing evening out as he starts to descend towards sleep.

"Ray," I can't help myself from worrying. "What if your parents don't call?"

"Then they don't call," he mumbles, but his voice sounds determined. "And I'll make you a cherry pie myself. OK?"

"Understood," I chuckle at the thought of Ray in the kitchen battling with a cherry pie. I shift slightly looking down at Ray. He is fast asleep, his head on my shoulder, an arm slung across my stomach.

Ray looks so peaceful, all his cares and worries stolen away by sleep. I pull him closer, and he murmurs my name in his sleep. I frown into the darkness knowing that the situation with his parents is far from over. I look down and he is smiling slightly as he dreams. I know that I will do everything in my power to keep him from being hurt. I smile knowing that he would do no less for me.

I close my eyes listening to his soft breathing, and the feel of his chest rising and falling against me. It soothes me, and I feel myself drift towards sleep.

THE END

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End After Dark by Callie: callinuk@yahoo.com

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