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Author's Notes:

Story Notes:

He missed.

He missed the shot and the train sped away in the night, taking away Victoria and Benny. He was left alone in the platform, Welsh, Huey and Louis right behind him. Welsh was shouting something he could not hear past the rush of blood in his ears.

Benny had left him to take the fall.

Ray began to run, run as fast as he could, jumping through the platforms, and then towards the train. His mind was running faster than the train, faster than his legs, faster than his racing heart. Please Benny, please Benny. Instead of feeling hot as he ran, Ray felt cold, the freezing Chicago wind tearing his skin, as if there was snow falling, ice penetrating his faces, threatening to tear his nose apart. He'd have welcomed a blizzard, one that would instantly bury him so he wouldn't have to face what would happen next.

Needless to say, he didn't catch the train. The convoy finally disappeared in the night, its lights fading away. Ray stopped running and stood there, panting, his mind numb for a minute, and he felt a pat on his shoulder and heard Welsh's voice, "Let's go, Vecchio."

Famous last words.

Ray was taken into custody and he passed through his ordeal as if it wasn't real. His family would lose the house, he was about to be thrown in jail and his life was basically over. But what hurt him the most was that Benny was the one who had done it to him. The only person Ray had trusted with his eyes closed, the last one Ray's ever think would do such a thing to him had betrayed his faith and kicked him in the groin when he was down. His best friend, someone whom he had feelings, had run off with a bitch and ruined his life.

Huey looked at him and sighed, "Ray, you need a lawyer. Even if you don't want one, you have to say you don't want one."

Ray shrugged. He really didn't care so much about himself. But how could he lose his family's home? It was the only thing his father had left, the only comfort and guarantee his mother had for her old age, and the only roof for his sisters, nieces and nephews. Who'd be taking care of them while he was in jail? Images of the whole Vecchio clan dressed in shoddy clothes trembling in the street on a rainy day crossed his mind.

Suddenly, he asked Huey, "Would you please take care of Diefenbaker?"

"Ray, please," said the detective. "Welsh is about to come, and he's gonna bring the IA people. You know what that means."

Ray looked at the double-faced mirror, guessing that maybe Welsh was on the other side. The IA people probably were there, too. The vultures didn't lose time to gather for the feast, waiting for the last minute of his downfall.

So, let the games begin.

"I'm not so sure I'll want a lawyer."

"Ray, the charges against you and your Miranda rights were explained to you. You said you understood them. Do you waive the right to an attorney?"

Ray opened his mouth to answer, but he never did. Welsh stormed in, "Damn you, Vecchio. Why didn't you tell us the Mountie went there to arrest the woman?"

Ray's eyes went wide. His heart raced.

"We're picking them up at the nearest train station. Let's go."

In a little more than an hour, they were on a small train station. Benny was waiting for them, a police officer helping him taking care of a seething Victoria cuffed by their side.

Welsh told the uniforms who had followed them, "Take her in and book her."

As she was taken, her eyes shot daggers at Ray, and he could just feel the hatred towards him. Benny apologised, "I should have told you the plan sooner, Ray, but I would lose the chance to arrest her if I didn't jump in the train."

"It's OK, pal," said Ray, his voice slightly pitched. "I knew you would see this through."

All the way back to Chicago, Ray didn't say another word, and Welsh made conversation to Benny. Ray was feeling a mix of relief, guilt and emotional exhaustion. How could he face Benny after all he thought about his friend? Benny's silence didn't help either.

Welsh felt the tension between the partners and as soon as they reached the precinct, he ordered, "Vecchio, you look like crap. Go home. You too, Constable. You can work on the report tomorrow. In the afternoon."

"Thank you, Lieu". Welsh nodded, and went inside the building.

Both men stood uncomfortably in the parking lot, and the black and blue with Victoria pulled in. Ray and Benny watched as she paraded in front of them defiantly, her chin up, her hair cascading, as beautiful as ever. Yes, she was a pretty woman, thought Ray. No wonder Benny fell for her. So why did he arrest her?

"You wanna a ride home?"

Benny blushed. "Maybe we should go to your house, Ray. It needs... cleaning. Extensive cleaning."

"You can crash there, then." Ray gestured, indicating where the Riv was parked. "But no cleaning until tomorrow."

"Ray, you'll find that it's better to start as soon as we get there."

They got inside the Riv and Benny stammered, "I- I vandalised your house.,"

Ray nodded and drove out of the parking lot. The Riv glided through the busy Chicago streets. "I know. I've been there."

"I was going with her." It was nothing more than a whisper.

Ray blanched and stayed in silence, trying to pay attention to the traffic.

"Through a window, she saw you running in the platform towards the train. She saw your face. She laughed at you. She laughed at your despair. At your suffering, Ray. She mocked your misery. It made me feel so bad, and I began to see her in a different light. Maybe in her real light."

"Look, Benny, you don't have to - "

"I understand it if you don't want to see me again. You must be mad at me right now, or resentful that I almost jumped bail on you. But I... I saw she laughing at you and it almost made me sick. I realised at that precise moment what she was and what I was doing to you. And I realised what I felt for her... and for you."

Ray tensed. "I don't need your pity, thank you."

"I didn't arrest her out of pity for you, Ray. I realised that I had been manipulated and that I didn't love her. And I also realised all the things that I would be doing to you, the betrayal. All the things were written on your face as you ran in that platform. She saw them and she laughed at you, at what she was doing to you, to us. She was laughing at your feelings. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't let it happen."

Ray pulled the Riv at his house's parkway and killed the engine off. Neither man moved to get out of the car. Neither man looked at each other. They just stayed inside the Riv: Ray staring outside, Benny staring at his lap, each looking at his own thoughts.

"I couldn't stand it because I love you, Ray," said Benny, quietly. "I know it's the last thing you want to hear now and that you don't feel the same way. You must have felt I abandoned you when you most needed me, and when the train left the platform I can't even imagine what you must have - "

"I almost got booked, Benny."

Guilt pierced like a spear in Benny's chest. "I'm sorry, Ray,"

"My family almost lost the house my father left me."

"I'm - "

"I was almost framed for murder and accessory to bank robbing."

"Ray, I - "

"I almost hated you, Benny. And that would have been the worst part of it all."

Finally Ray looked at Benny, his eyes all misty and huge, "Because you're the best friend I have ever had and because I think I'm in love with you."

Benny's eyes were also filled with water, but Ray suddenly said, "So you mind if we talk inside? It's getting cold in here."

"No, I don't mind."

They went inside the house that had been trashed by Benny when he had tried to find the key to the locker when Victoria had blackmailed him. It hurt him to see what he had done, the shame eating his guts.

Ray noticed the pained looked in his eyes. "Benny, we work this out together." He wasn't sure if he was talking about the house or the two of them.

"I... this is all my fault, Ray. I can hardly look at the damage I've done to your house without being reminded of all the damage I've done to your life. And that letter I left you..."

"Stop beating yourself about this, and let's not talk about that letter. Let's move on and deal with the knowledge that we're not perfect. We can survive this. We can survive her."

Benny looked at him. "How can you even talk to me after all I've done to you?"

"You didn't do anything. You almost did. You came back. I forgive you."

"Why? How can you?"

"I'm not saying it didn't hurt like hell." Ray came closer. "But I think I'm in love with you. Love forgives, and I have already forgiven you."

They were close, very close. Ray whispered, "I want to kiss you, Benny. May I?"

"I'd like that very much, Ray."

Their lips met shyly, as many first kisses are. Ray put a finger on Benny's chin to guide him and suddenly assaulted him in a fierce, possessive kiss, his arms going around the Mountie and pulling him closer. Benny responded eagerly and they didn't let go of each other, stumbling to the couch on the Vecchio's living room.

When their lips parted, both were panting. Ray whispered, "Oh, God. I never thought it would be so... so good... Just a kiss."

Benny backed up a little, Ray's arms on his waist. He traced a finger on Ray's lower lip. "Oh, Ray." He threw himself on Ray's arms again, his voice faltering. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry."

Ray stood up and took Benny by the hand. "Come with me." He led him up stairs, both of them avoiding the results of the destruction Benny had made prompted by Victoria's threats.

They went inside Ray's bedroom, and they kept the lights turned off. The streetlamps provided the light they needed. Benny turned to Ray and said, "Ray, are you sure of this?"

"Benny, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you feel it's too soon, or if you have any doubt, it's OK. Because all I want right now is you by my side. I need to feel you beside my. I need to touch you."

Benny's heart clenched at these words. His eyes filled with tears and he held on to Ray, burying his head on Ray's chest, shaking, his voice muffled, "Oh, Ray, I don't deserve you...!"

Ray felt tears on his own rising. "We can work this out together, Benny. Together. Just don't leave me, all right?"

Benny raised his head and looked deep in the jade eyes before solemnly vowing, "No, Ray. Never."

"Do you really love me, Benny?"

"I know I'm not worthy, Ray, but I love you, Ray, yes, I do."

A pause.

"I never thought I'd hear you say those words, Benny," Ray's voice faltered a little. A tear fell down Ray's face. "Specially after I saw you with... you know, with her. You looked so happy. I knew she was bad news, but you seemed to like her, so I figured I'd have to get along with her, too. So I took her in, protected her, and all. More than that, I'd have to bury all my feelings for you forever, and go through life knowing you'd never love me back. I'd go through life alone."

"I was afraid to be alone. I thought she was my only chance, Ray."

"When you left on that train, Benny, it hurt. I saw a gun in her hand, I thought she was going to shoot you, and I shot her, but I missed. And she didn't shoot you." His voice cracked and he wept, "You had just left me, and for a moment, I just wanted to kill you, but I was already dead, Benny. Dead inside."

"Oh, Ray..."

Ray caressed his wet face with the back of his elegant hand. "I am not saying this to make you feel guilty. I am telling you just to let you know why I need to hold you tonight. I want to sleep with you by my side. We can just sleep, if you don't feel you can handle anything else."

Benny had his head cast downwards and nodded, his muscles aching, his body complaining. Both men were at the limit of their physical resistance.

They parted so Ray could settle the bed ready for their night of rest. When all was set, they undressed to their T-shirts and boxers (or briefs, in Ray's case), and settled under covers. Then Ray spooned himself on Benny's back sneaked his arm around his waist.

The sensation was unlike any Benny had in his life. He couldn't help the comparison. Her body was smooth and soft, cozy and pliable. Ray's body was muscular and lean, strong and dependable. This was the body of a man that loved him and trusted in him no matter what, through thick and thin.

Ray sighed and kissed his shoulder, whispering, "Good night, Benny."

Ray never expected Benny to turn around and almost roll him over with a long, possessive kiss, one that threatened to dislocate his tonsils and left him breathless, flat on his back. He spread out Ray's arms and took his wrist, immobilizing him. When they surfaced for air, both were panting. Ray could feel Benny's erection poking him in the thigh.

"Benny..."

"Yes, Ray?"

"Have you something in your boxers or are you happy to see me?"

"I'm happy to see you, Ray, but if you're not happy to see me, I'm sure I can... arrange things to take carmphmm" His lips were covered and possessed by a hungry man who fumbled the waistband of his shorts and tried to shed them out.

They had to break apart to get each other naked, and then they were at it again. Benny rolled them over gently once more, and Ray was on top, settled between Benny's pale thighs, their erections meeting, causing gasps from Benny. The sensations were just too much for each eager man to hold on and it only took a few movements for both of them to climax and cling to each other as they really wanted to: totally, completely, fully.

Ray took his t-shirt and cleaned them rapidly, then snuggled with Benny, holding him tightly, making sure he was there, and he was with him. Benny felt Ray's body close to him, and it felt familiar, as if he had known him through many lifetimes. Their wound was fresh and open, and it hurt like hell, but they had each other now, and plenty of healing to do.

In the morning, they had plenty of things to do: they had some objects to mend, others to get cleaned, to put away, some to straighten out.

In the morning, they would start to pick up the pieces.

End Missed by Pita Patter: pitapattr@yahoo.com

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