Author's website: http://unhinged.0catch.com

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, but they have more fun when they play at my house.

Author's Notes:

Story Notes:

sex

There are nights when you wanna do it soft and slow and easy. Maybe you've had a good day, made a collar, actually took some scum sucker off the street and put him someplace he can't hurt anyone for a good long time. So you're hyped, you're pumped up, and everything's fine and good, and you wanna play and have fun and laugh.

Then there are nights when things get dark and heavy. Shit happens, busts go bad, DA's harass your ass for not having sufficient evidence, improper search and seizure, violation of Miranda, on and on and on till you just wanna hit someone, pound on something till you've gotten all the anger out've your system. You want things rough and fast, you don't wanna bother with foreplay and kissing cause you need it now. You need to feel that connection, to know that your partner's still there for you, good or bad.

One of the advantages of being in love with a guy (there's a lot of'em, but right now this is the most important) is that if you want it hard and rough you can get it hard and rough and not have to worry about anyone getting hurt. I could've never done with Stell what I do with Ben, because I was always afraid that I'd hurt her without meaning to. So even when all I wanted to do was pound the walls and scream, I had to do the whole seduction routine, with the words and the right moves at the right time, cause that's what she expected.

Ben though...Ben understands. He's been there, done that, and got the scars to prove it. He's not afraid of hurting me, though he was in the beginning. After a while he figured out what a tough little sonofabitch I was, and that pretty much removed any inhibitions he had. So now, when we've had a bad day and things get shitty, he knows that I need.

And he loves it too, though he'll try to tell you he's just doin' it for my sake. I saw through that pretty much right off. He enjoys getting it on with someone who's resilient and can take what he dishes out. So we end up with a few bumps and bruises, maybe a skinned knee. That's not important.

What's important is that he can do this for me because I need it, because I need that connection, that physicality, the sheer adrenaline rush you get from totally trusting someone you love. I know he'd never hurt me deliberately, that he knows my limits like I know his, so we get can get rough and rumble and shake things up, knowing the other person will be there in the aftermath, when the anger and crud's all cleaned out and you feel like kissing and laughing and maybe just taking it slow and easy.

I think this's probably the best gift he's ever given me, being there when I really need him. You know how many people live their whole lives and never get that sort've love and trust? Way too damn many. Me? I've got it in spades and aces, man. I've got someone I really love (something I thought I'd never have again after Stella and I broke up) who loves me back just as much. Someone who's there with me all the time, on the job and at home. Someone who puts up with my stupid shit. A total freak that licks things no sane human would consider touching, never mind putting in their mouth.

I've got everything I ever wanted. My only regret is that it took me 30-some years to realize what was missing, and another two or three dancing around the issue before I finally got the balls to ask him the $62,000 question.

"Ray?" Fraser's head appears around the bedroom doorway, dark hair tousled. "Are you coming to bed any time soon?"

"What? Once wasn't enough for you?"

"Oh no. I'm definitely looking forward to round two. Very much so." And he gives me his best evil Mountie grin.

It was his idea I start keeping a journal, writing down what's happened, my thoughts, that sort've stuff. Good way to clear your head, he said. I thought it was pretty much a crock in the beginning, but damned if he wasn't right.

So here's to Benton Fraser and Ray Kowalski. It took them a while to get up to speed, but now that they've got the basics down, they'll still be going at it when they're old and gray.

Wanna know something weird? I've seen pictures of his old man, and he was one damn good-looking guy. Wonder if that's what Ben'll look like in another 20 years?

Guess I'll have to hang around and find out, huh?

FIN

End Sex by MR: psykaos42@yahoo.com

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