Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/a_kite_fic/

Disclaimer: Neither the characters nor the song lyrics and/or song titles that I borrowed belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended, and there's no money being made.

Author's Notes: Thanks go to BJ Cochran, who introduced me to this fandom. Please don't judge this first effort too harshly.

Story Notes: None

PART ONE I BREATHE IN

"I breathe in, I breathe out
Put one foot in front of the other"

Not his usual fare at all. Flipping through radio stations, he'd come across this song. The all rock was playing a song he couldn't stand. Hated it. Country music, yech! Even worse, so he thought, but the lyrics grabbed him. Grabbed him right by the heart, and he started to listen. *Yeah, one day at a time, that's right. Just passing through life. Life without Fraser. It sucked.*

Yeah, acquaintances always asked, "Where's your Mountie friend?" He was sick of explaining it. Fraser was back home in the land that he loved and Ray Kowalski, he was existing. They'd had their big adventure and still he hadn't been able to do it. Not able to actually tell the man that he loved him, wanted to be with him always. Forever.

So now, I breathe in and breathe out. The job he'd loved, the job he'd fought his father about, no longer interested him. Not here. Chicago without Fraser...maybe he should just move on. *Cops are needed everywhere. No need to stay here, but he couldn't pick up and leave. What if Fraser needed him? What if he came back looking for him? What if, indeed.* He snorted. * Now I'm even thinking in Fraserspeak. You've got it bad, man.*

He'd been through it all a million times in his head. What if he'd had plucked his courage up and said what his heart told him to? Stuck in Canada freezing your ass off, that's where. Was it such a bad thing? What if Fraser had said yes? *Don't go there,* Ray cautioned himself.

The light changed, and Ray found himself flipping through the radio dial again. Seeking country stations now, maybe one of them would be playing that song.

...Take one day at a time
'Til you find
I'm that someone you can't live without Until then
I breathe in and breathe out

PART TWO BLUE MOON

He looked up at the sky. *The second full moon of the month. They call it a blue moon. I wonder if you can see it? Is the sky in Chicago as clear as it is here? Would you even notice the moon if you did look up? Probably not, but I can wish, can't I?*

*No. Wishing gets you nothing. Action gets you what you want, want you need. How did Ray put it? Wish in one hand and piss in the other and see which gets full faster. Crude, but true, it seems.* Fraser sighed. Time to get moving.

Instead of calling to the dogs, he looked up at the sky again. The moon did cast a certain blueish glow onto the snow tonight. As blue as he was feeling. No sense dwelling on it. He'd been a coward and now he was alone. Things were as they should be. He told himself that every day. He sighed again and called to the dogs.

After a week's patrolling, Benton Fraser was tired, in body and spirit. The sled moved quickly over the blue tinted snow toward a cold, empty cabin with a cold, empty bed. Tomorrow would bring another day. Without Ray.

PART THREE NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON

As the sled drew nearer his cabin, Fraser realized things weren't right. There was light at the windows, and smoke coming from the stove flue. Someone was in the cabin. He stopped a short distance away. There were snowmobile tracks by the porch and footprints in the snow. Who might it be? Maggie? Sgt. Frobisher?

Hopping off the back of the sled and moving toward the door, he heard music coming from within. Fraser opened the door to a sight that he never thought he'd see. Ray Kowalski was standing, well not standing, more like dancing in place in front of the stove, stirring a large pot of...he sniffed the air. Some kind of stew. Whatever it was, it smelled wonderful.

Ray turned toward him with all the casualness in the world and said, "Hey, Fraser. Shut the door, will ya? You're letting all the heat out."

A frantic bark and scrabbling from outside claimed their attention before Fraser could even form a reply. "Hey, is that Dief out there?" In a flash, Ray was donning a parka and was out the door. When he could move again, he turned and saw Ray kneeling in the snow with his arms around Diefenbaker.

"Yeah, yeah, I missed you too," he was saying. "Come on, let's get you outta this thing." Fraser could only stand and stare as Ray led the dogs around to the shed and kennels in back. It had to be some kind of dream, but reality showed him when he actually got his feet to move that Ray was really there. He was unharnessing the dogs. Ben moved to get the food and water that the animals would need.

Fraser did note that Ray wouldn't meet his eyes. They didn't speak at all until the dogs, save Diefenbaker were settled in. Then Ray calmly turned to go back into the cabin, Dief on his heels. Over his shoulder, he threw, "Come on, Frase, dinner's ready."

Outside, Fraser almost bowled over when the Ray stopped suddenly and looked up. Ray reached out to steady him. Arms pulling him close, closer still. Before he could even register what he was doing, Fraser leaned in further and locked his lips to Ray's.

Ray did not push him away. In fact, Ray greeted his kiss with enthusiasm. When they parted to catch ragged breaths, Fraser gusted the questions that demanded an answer, "Ray. How? Why?"

"Chicago. Couldn't breathe there no more. Couldn't see the moon. Started listening to country."

Fraser almost laughed at the total non sequiturs, but instead replied, "Understood," and he did in a way. Later he could get full elucidation, but for now it was enough. As he leaned in for another kiss, he thought, more than enough.

End Trilogy Vignettes by A. Kite: AKite68163@aol.com

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