Disclaimer: I don't even own the long narrow cake tin.

Author's Notes: ds_flashfiction. The best a man can get.

Story Notes:

• Remember to purchase prophylactics and lubricant.
• Consider alternate brands of lubricant based on Internet research.
• Begin Diefenbaker's diet. Again.
• Speak with Ray about not feeding snacks to Diefenbaker.
• Check Turnbull's 814-stroke-11. He always mangles his social insurance number and Inspector Thatcher will be upset should we again receive inquiries into why we have either an imprisoned prostitute or the Prime Minister's 3-year-old grandson on our staff.
• Speak with Ray about proper use of lubricant; current method seems somewhat wasteful, though thoughtful.
• Purchase birthday present for Ray; perhaps something auto-related.
• Find some way to distract Turnbull from Ray's birthday; last year's debacle not to be repeated.
• Remember to replace Turnbull's cake mold; current shape not only distracting but upsetting, given accompaniment of burning candles.
• Consider surreptitious measurement; Ray seems to be relatively well-endowed.
• Reschedule fitness routine so as not to wake Ray.
• Add new exercises to routine, focusing on flexibility.
• As above, focusing on upper arms.
• And legs.
• And pectoral muscles.
• Pick up Inspector at dry cleaner's.
• Make above "Inspector's dry cleaning" rather than "Inspector".
• Consider possibility of either soundproofing bedroom or gagging Ray.
• Note idea of gag for further consideration.
• Fill out 207-slash-814b. c. 815c. 205-slash...
• Remind Diefenbaker to walk Francesca.
• Suggest family-of-alcoholics support group to Leftenant Elaine. Leftenant Huey. Left...
• Inventory infrequently used equipment: bolo, fabric softener, handcuffs.
• Consider concept of recreational bondage with self as bondee. Gags, blindfolds, possibly restraints so unable to exert control over any aspect of sexual encounter.
• Wash... wolf. The impolite one. With pizza.
• Reprimand... tall blond person regarding... thing. Bad thing. Strong reprimand. Not to do that. Bad...
• Consider concept of bondage with self as bonder. As above, with Ray restrained and....

"Ah!"

"Pretty good, Fraser, you made it a whole 20 seconds longer than last time."

"I think the verbal inducement was an unfair tactic, Ray. We never discussed your talking."

"Hey, I use what I got. And I got the mouth. And looks like I got you."

"Mmm. Arrogant..."

"Arrogant, yes, but I can make you come in five minutes."

"Apparently so."

"Hey, don't feel bad, you beat my time!"

"Would you like a rematch?"

"I thought you didn't like blowing me."

"Oh I do like it, Ray, very much, only given your physical response to orgasm, it's somewhat dangerous."

"Yeah, sorry about clocking you last time."

"We shall simply have to find some way to occupy your hands."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Brain?"

"Almost certainly not."

"Well, I'm thinking handcuffs."

"Ah. Then perhaps I am after all."

End To Do by Hel Virago: lorelei_fic@hotmail.com

Author and story notes above.