By: Amethyst

         Ray could feel the warm arms comforting him from the vestiges of his heavy sleep but could not make out the garbled words being said to him. He hurt and his mind wasn't working properly and it hurt to breathe, but the gentle hands caressing his back seemed to make things better until he felt the hardy tug of sleep beckoning him once again.
         Just as he would have surrendered to it, a terrible spasm in his throat and chest hit him full force and the painful, ragged coughing started for the second time that evening. The person holding him helped him to sit up, but his vision was blurred from the tears caused by the incessant hacking so he still could not tell who was beside him. He dimly heard Fraser's soothing voice from far away asking him to try and open his mouth and he managed to do as he was asked. The blessedly cool water slid down his worn throat along with what might have been another pill.
         Finally he was eased back and he felt hands wiping his brow, familiar hands that he knew but couldn't place. He felt safe under the care of those strong hands and he assumed it was Fraser again, his partner and friend who always took the best care of him when he was sick. He managed to open his eyes, his vision clearing slightly, and stare up at the face of the man who was tending to him.  He blinked several times, thinking he was either dreaming or that was a seriously freaky drug that he just swallowed. Sure enough, despite his own disbelief he was staring into the worried expression of Damien Kowalski.
         "D...Dad?" he wheezed in shock and his father offered him a small, hesitant smile.
         "Just you relax, son." Damien assured him softly as he handed the moist cloth that he had been using to James and tugged the covers up around Ray.       "You get some sleep, Dad's here, Boy. You just rest now." Ray closed his eyes reluctantly; unable to fight the effects of the sedative that he had been given any longer.
         "Daddy's here." He murmured hoarsely. " 'S'kay now, Frase don't gotta lie ta me." Damien blinked back the tears that had rushed to his eyes at his son's amazed and slightly drowsy reply to his presence.  He glanced up at James and Fraser who were still standing just inside the room looking over the pair with sadness in his eyes that forced both men to turn away.
         Damien Kowalski stared regretfully at the darkening bruises on his youngest son's pale face, the burdensome cast and brace attached to Raymond's arm and the terrible, wheezing sound of his boy's unsteady breathing. The Mountie claimed the harsh sound was just due to the injuries to Raymond's throat, because the blond usually breathed through his mouth slightly when sleeping. Damien had wanted to ask Fraser how the hell he could know what Raymond sounded like or what way he breathed in his sleep, but he'd left it alone.
         Fraser was a thorn in Damien's side, had been since the moment they'd dropped by the station to see Raymond their first day back to Chicago, and he really didn't appreciate that the meddlesome Canadian seemed to know more about his son than his own Father. The conversation from the hospital started to replay in his mind for the hundredth time that day since Fraser and James had hustled Raymond out of the waiting room.
        "The stupid shit has us all out here worried out of our minds..." Damien allowed his normally hushed muttering to reach across the room. "...and he asks to see the damn Mountie."
        "Dad! Just stop. Ray saved lives today...Mine and Matt's included...."
        Sure Raymond had saved their lives and of course he was grateful that his eldest son and grandson were not injured, but that didn't make up for what happened to Raymond.
        "First time in years that this family had a chance to get together and leave it ta that stupid idiot to try and get himself killed." Damien accented each word with a finger poke into his son's chest.
        Well, that was true. Raymond took that risk and was seriously hurt, and Damien couldn't understand that kind of thinking. What makes a man risk his life like that? Why didn't Raymond just follow them out of the video store and call someone else to come take care of it, he was off duty.
        James' barely controlled rage finally broke. Grabbing his father by the collar of his jacket he walked him backwards until he was not too gently jammed against the wall.
        He hadn't been prepared for his own son's show of aggression and James had actually scared him, for much longer than Damien would ever care to admit.
        "My brother is not stupid and he is not an idiot, and I love him. He is a good and caring man who has more courage in his little finger than you or I have put together." James continued.
        That wasn't courage, Damien had decided, it was lunacy! His son had a death wish and James wanted him to just sit back and watch Raymond destroy himself? How could a Father be expected to do that?
         "I've stood by and let you run him down and hurt him over and over, and today it stops. I should have stopped it years ago.... If I was half the man Ray is, I would have.... But today it stops."
        Damien hadn't realized he had been the reason for Raymond's torment. He saw how uncomfortable his son was around the family, how he always made excuses to not come by for dinner or Church or whatever Barbara invited him for. Damien just chalked up Raymond's behavior to he and Raymond not relating to one another as closely as a Father and son should, but that happened in families, people drifted a part as they got older to become their own individual.
        "No one in this family has ever stood up for Ray and by God today I am. You two say that you love him, but you haven't even bothered to get to know him."
        That wasn't entirely true, Damien had considered, it was Raymond's choice to drop out of college and become, of all things, a cop. There was no reason he should expect his parents to stick around and wait for that awful call so many families of Policemen receive, or that ominous knock on the door in the middle of the night. Besides, he and Barbara had wanted to travel, it didn't mean that he didn't still love his sons.
        James turned his angry gaze back towards his dad. "Ray had the nerve ta do with his life what he wanted to do and your response was to cut and run. For eight years the only time you even bothered to talk to him was to give him hell for saving a kid....a kid like Matt for Chris'sakes...What kind of father would do that?"
        A man would only take so much, especially from his son and he wasn't going to allow James to run roughshod over him. He knew he loved Raymond, he loved Raymond more than anything or anyone else. Okay, so maybe he felt a little guilty about that, a father shouldn't favor their sons against the other, but he never showed it. If anything he was always harder on Raymond then on James.
        "He could have died that day...and don't you say I don't love him...cause I do!" Damien grabbed James' wrists and pulled himself loose.
        "Did ya ever tell Ray that?
        Well of course he had! What sort of Father did James think he was anyway? He told Raymond he loved him plenty of times. Why when Ray brought home that great chrome fender that he had found digging at the junkyard for six and half-hours, it had been perfect for the GTO. Damien had hugged his son and told him...well...he was sure he'd told Raymond he'd loved him, he'd been thinking it. Surely Raymond knew, why it was obvious, wasn't it?
        ...Hell no!...Ya ain't got the nerve to admit what a jack-ass you've been." James straightened his stance, lowered his voice and placed a warning finger in his father's face. "I will tell you two things Dad...You better get the nerve or it's gonna cost ya two sons....and if I ever hear you say a word against my brother again I will kick your ass all over the state of Illinois. When I get done with you...you will have to work your zipper ta spit...Do you understand?"
        Damien had stared deep into James' eyes and found the idea that his eldest son might indeed carry out his threat disturbed him greatly. He'd had enough; he could only be pushed so far and was about to give James the ass chewing of his life when he heard the quiet, painful whisper of his youngest boy across the room.
        "Jimmy!?"
        Christ in Heaven! Was that his son, his beautiful sparkling boy, wearing an arm brace and looking so despondently anguished that Damien felt it hard to even meet his gaze? He had turned to go too his son, the need to see that Raymond was okay outweighing everything else, but James had pushed both him and Barbara away.
        "No! Ray's been through enough today. He doesn't need your phony platitudes." James lowered his voice even further as he continued. "I want you two to go back to your little hide-a-way trailer and give some good hard thought to what I've said. If you can't love him for who he is...just stay there." James again directed his gaze towards his startled Father. "But if you mean it when you say you love him, you better find the nerve ta tell him. You almost lost any chance of it today."
        Damien had stared after them in shock, had even started to follow but hearing the words James was saying to Raymond stopped him in his tracks.
.         "Come on little brother....We'll worry about all this stuff tomorrow....Everything's gonna to be alright....I promise."
        Damien saw the love reflected in his son's gaze toward Raymond and his younger son's stunned reaction to that love. Damien was sure that Raymond was on the verge of crying and he realized, perhaps for the first time, how pitifully in the dark Raymond truly was about how his family felt about him. Raymond had cast a glance back toward them and Damien had tried to smile and take another step forward toward him, but his sons expression was one of incomprehension and guilt and Damien released a shaky breath as he stopped once more and lowered his eyes. He only scarcely heard the large man in the corner, Raymond's superior comment as he walked out past them.
        "You blow this chance?...and you're a damn fool!"

        "Sun's up, Dad." James commented entering the room quietly, still slightly surprised that his father had indeed stayed up all night with Ray. "How about some breakfast?" Damien shook his head.
         "He might wake up and I won't be here." He protested.
         "Dad, he's gonna be out fer at least another couple of hours." James assured placing a hesitant hand on his Father's shoulders. "Ben gave him a tranquilizer at three this morning, he's going to be out awhile."
        After a long, reluctant pause the older man finally rose from his chair. James could tell that Damien was feeling the effects of sitting in that same position for so long, as he watched the elder Kowalski struggle not to hobble as he made his way out to the tiny kitchen of Ray's apartment.
         "Good morning, Sir." Fraser greeted politely as he cracked some eggs into a frying pan. "Would you care for some breakfast?"
          Damien looked at him, slightly confused for a moment as though he had forgotten who the Mountie was, then slowly shook his head. He walked over and dropped down on the sofa where Diefenbaker was settled awaiting his breakfast. The older man dropped his head into his hands woefully as James approached him with a fresh cup of coffee.
         "Are you okay, Dad?" he asked quietly when Damien didn't even attempt to take the cup from his son. James set it on the table and exchanged a worried frown with Fraser, who remained in the kitchen, then settled next to his father after gently shooing the wolf from the cushions. "Dad?"
         "What have I done, Jimmy Boy?" Damien asked, his voice filled with a barely hidden anguish, though he continued to hide his face in his large shaking hands.
         "What do you mean, Dad?" James inquired slowly. Never had he seen his Father in such obvious turmoil. Perhaps their fight had been worth it; it seemed Damien Kowalski was finally seeing the light.
         "My sweet baby boy, Jimmy." His Father choked. "My Stanny, what did I do to him?" Finally he looked up and James tried to hide his shock at the tears that streamed down the older man's face.
          James didn't know how to answer him, he couldn't coddle him and say it was a mistake and that it wasn't Damien's fault; James had been trying to get through his Father's thick head for years and it had never worked. He refused to place blame elsewhere, he was still to angry at all that Damien had caused in their family to let him off the hook so easily, but he was sorry that it seemed his Dad was finally suffering the consequences of his actions. Instead, he tried to excuse Ray's behavior, just for now he'd let it pass.
         "He's drugged up and hurting, Dad." He offered. "He didn't know what he was saying. He probably didn't even know you were there."
         "I swear I didn't realize..." Damien muttered and James shook his head, he was not willing to get into this right now, they would just end up in another fight.
         "Dad, you're tired, take a nap, we'll wake you in an hour or so."
         "What about Raymond?"
         "He'll be out until noon at least." James reasoned. "I called Beth and Mum ealier and told them you were here so dey wouldn't worry."
        Damien nodded gratefully and finally the emotional stress and exhaustion took its toll and he stretched out on the sofa for a quick nap. James moved back toward the kitchen and gripped the counter next to him, his knuckles growing white with the effort of keeping his temper in check.
         "Would you care for some eggs?' Fraser suggested calmly. "Or perhaps I could just break them over your forehead, they may fry a little faster." James smirked and shot him a weary look. Did his little brother have to put up with the Mounties dry humor at odd situations as well? No wonder Ray went berserk occasionally.
         "I am trying, Ben." He muttered as Fraser handed him some bread to put in the toaster, more than anything just to give the volatile man something to do, other than crush the tile counter beneath his grip.
         "I know you are James." Fraser assured as he put two more eggs into the pan. "I am sure Ray would appreciate all you are trying to do for him." James sighed, pushed the lever down on the four-slice toaster and hoped up on the counter.
         "I should have done it years ago, Ben." He stated bitterly. "It never should have gotten this bad." He shook his head and ran a weary hand over his face. "Did you hear what Ray said, he assumed he was being lied to, rather than believe his own Father was there beside him while he was sick."
         "As you pointed out just a moment ago, James." Fraser insisted as he pulled the eggs from the pan and placed them on the plates that James handed him, after reaching behind him to retrieve the dishes from the cupboard. "Ray is still heavily sedated and not quite himself, he has no way of knowing what he is saying."
         "Yah, but dat was fer de old man, Ben." James reminded, again dropping back into his old slang, making him sound so much like his brother that Fraser had to force himself not to do a double take.
         "It still applies." Fraser decided as he gave the plates back to James to bring to the table as he retrieved the toast and butter. James shrugged and poured them each a glass of juice.
         "You always right, Ben?" he teased as they settled at the table and Fraser smiled sheepishly.
         "Almost always." He replied without a trace of arrogance. "At least your brother seems to believe that, it is a great source of irritation with him." James laughed.
         "I'll bet!"
        Damien awoke a few hours later to find Fraser and Diefenbaker gone and James just walking out of his brother's bedroom. The older man dropped his feet to the floor and quickly sat up.
        "How's Raymond?" he demanded gruffly, as James moved toward the kitchen and began fixing himself a cup of coffee.
        "He's sleeping, Dad." he replied pouring the dark brew into a cup, Fraser had made the coffee earlier that morning and it was quite good, even hours later; but then James liked it strong. "Coffee?" Damien nodded absently and slowly rose, his body creaking and cracking with the sounds of age.
        "Should he be sleepin' dis long?" he asked concerned. "Doesn't he have a cuncision or somethin'?"
        "Ben and I have been waking him every couple of hours Dad." James assured as he dropped four sugars into his father's cup and handed it to him as the elder Kowalski joined him in the kitchen.
        "You and Ben." he grumbled. "Is dat so, yer gettin' all chummy wit da Mountie now too I suppose?" James gave him a barely tolerant glance and moved over to settle on the sofa, noticing the way his Father automaticaly followed.
        "Ben Fraser is a great guy and a terrific friend to Ray, dad." Jamses insisted. "I don't see any reason why I shouldn't like him too."
        "You seem more friendly wit da Canadian then you do yer own brother." Damien muttered sipping his coffee.
        "Who's fault is dat?" James accused quietly, refusing to make eye contact with his Father for fear that would fuel his temper even more.
        "Why do you blame me fer everything, Jimmy?" Damien demanded. "Is it my fault yer brother over reacts to situtions? Is it my fault Ray is entirely too sensative fer his own good, no, it's not. If it's anyone's fault it's yer mother fer coddlin' him all deese years." Damien continued to mutter under his breath. "Dance lessons, art, encouraging him wit dat Stella and always huggin' an' kissin' him whenever he had a bit of a bad day." James stared at his father as a grin started to tug at his lips.
        "Gee, Dad." he commented. "You make it sound like you were jealous of Mum's affection fer Ray."
        "Don't be an idiot!" Damien blustered. "Yer mother just tended to pamper him too much, made him a sissy."
        "Dad, have you ever really looked at Ray, I mean just stepped back and saw him not as yer son but as another man?" James questioned annoyed. "I never really did until dis trip. I always just saw him as my little brother, but y'know what? I saw him as a man in dat video store, I see him as a man in da way he treats Matt and da way he and Fraser communicate. I see him as a man I'd like ta be."
        "I know he's a man, Jimmy..." Damien dismissed.
        "Do you?" James provoked. "Do you see the way he stands, how he holds himself with dat air of nonchalance and just enough attitude dat y' know you'd be in trouble if ya crossed him? Do ya see how capeable he is at his job? Do you see the fire in his eyes and da danger in his smile when he looks at others?"
        "Yer talkin' nonsense, boy...he ain't some caracter in a movie or book ta make women swoon y'know." Damine protested but James wasn't finshed, he wanted his Father to see Ray the way he had started to.
        "Dad, I'm serious! I know ya named him 'cause ya liked James Dean, but did ya ever notice how close he is to dat character Dean played? How rebelious and competent he is? Yah, he get's emotional, so what? I wish I could be that open wit my feelings." James took a sip of his coffee then continued. "He and Ben have da kind of relationship I wish I had wit him, Dad. Dey're always sparin' or playin' around, dey spend time together and enjoy each others company. Ben told me himself he has difficulty showing his feelings, except around Ray. Around my little brother he feels comfortable to hug or slap him on da back or cry or laugh because Ray won't have it any other way."
        "So what?" Damien grummbled. "Looks damn suspicious if ya ask me."
        "Dad, why do you have to be dat way?" James sighed exasperated. "Why can't you just except Ray the way he is? You keep tryin' to condem him, turn him into a sissy or a weakiling, now yer insuiting he and Ben are gay."
        "Men don't...real men don't go around huggin other men, damnit-it ain't right!" Damien insisted and James bothed to his feet angrily.
        "No wonder Ray's so screwed up!" he exclaimed, then remembering his brother sleeping in the other room he lowered his voice. "Between Mum showerin' him wit affection, as you claim, and you tellin' him it's wrong to be affectionate and me, practically ignoring him most of da time and being projected as the prodical son, I'm surprised Ray's not in da freakin' nut house!"
        "I suggest you continue this discussion at a later date." Fraser suggested as he closed the door behind him and tossed his Stetson on the counter as Dief trotted further into the apartment. "Forgive me for intruding, but I could hear you both clearly down the hall, so I am sure Ray will be able to understand you as well."
        "Raymond's asleep." Damien stated, irked over the Mountie's continued interference.
        "Is he?" Fraser returned as he moved to the closed door of his partner's bedroom and crooked his finger toward them. Both men moved toward him then stopped as the sounds of quiet sobbing could be heard in their newly aquired silence.
        "Oh Christ!" James muttered regretfully and started to move toward the door, then stopped, holding his Father back as well. "You go in, Ben. It will probably be easier for him." Fraser nodded and ignored the scowl Damien Kowalski gave his oldest son.
        "I'm his...." he started and James shot him a warning look.
        "Shut up dad." He ordered quietly. "We've both done enough, let Ben take care of him until he calms down." James was surprised when Damien hesitated only a moment before nodding and moving back to drop dejectedly on the sofa.
        "Ray?" Fraser inquired as he entered the darkened room and firmly closed the door behind him. "Are you in pain?" Fraser didn't care if it was phycial or emotioanl anguish that Ray admitted to, he only wanted his friend to feel better. Ray shook his head and turned away as Fraser moved to settled on the bed beside him.
        "Make 'em stop." Ray pleaded in a painfrul whisper.
        "They've stopped, Ray." the Mountie assured and soothingly started to rub Ray's un injured arm and shoulder. "It is all going to work out Ray."
        "D..don't want 'em fightin 'cause a me..ain't worth it."
        "Don't try to talk Ray." Fraser scolded gently, seeing how painful it was for the detectvie to force the words past his swollen throat. "You will make yourself worse. I can read your lips just fine, now settle down please."
        Ray made a gesture of frustration and his hand flew out, grabbed the first thing his fingers came in contact, which was a book on his nightstand, and threw it across the room. Fraser didn't even flinch, but he did grab hold of his partner, who was now slappping at himself, and firmly held him to the mattress.
        "All my fault!" Ray wheezeed, not listening to Fraser's advice, too upset to do more than squirm under the Mountie's grip. He had to hit something, throw something, DO something to get this beast of his back that was picking away at his heart. Understanding the way Ray needed to release his fury and pain, but not wanting the detective to injure himself further, he continued to hold Ray, and lay his head on Ray's chest, murring soft words of encouragement.
        He noticed the way his friend automatically stoped his self inflicted assault, once the Mountie was in the path of that destruction, but his body was still strung as tight as a bow string. Fraseer did the first thing that came to his mind to calm his friend further, he sat up and began to sing.
"I was born up north a great slave 1898 and I rode near all my life on a ranch near devil's gate and I've seen this world about me, bend and flip and change hey it feels like rain, that's a thunder cloud
I've been called a coward but I've seen two world wars and I lost my son Virgial a cory and reward and my Lucy died last sumer and you ask me if I've cried hey I'll show you tears, thery're all over this ground there falling from these blue Alberta skies"
        Ray's stared at Fraser and teh Canadian saw no trace of the amusement or dubousiness  he expected to find in his partner's expression, only awe and, if Fraser wasn't mistaken a small amount of relief. He smiled and continued.
"We're gonna ride forever you can't keep horsemen in a cage should the angels call, well its only then, that I'll pull in the reins
 Now they tell me I'm an old man they tell me I am blind they took my driver's licence this house ain't far behind I said jump back all you big suits you've got something wrong, Cause I ain't gone-no I ain't gone
I am still breathing and I still have my pride I have my memories a life that never dies like the wind that blows in thunder like a stalian on the fly I've got it all and I'm standing tall underneath these blue Alberta skies."
        Ray's body started to relax under the  combined effects of the soft seranade and the comforting motions Fraser was still making on Ray's arm and shoulders, but the detective's eyes remained locked with the Mountie's, making Fraser only slightly embareseed at their intensesity.
"We're gonna ride forever you can't keep horsemen in a cage should the angels call, well its only then, that I might pull in the reins
So I say to all you old men, don't let yourselves get broke If you think the worlds gone crazy and they're scratchin' at your throat it's time to dust off that old saddle get it on a horse kick up your spurs your gonna run like stink we're gonna tear across these blue Alberta skies
We're gonna ride forever you can't keep horsemen in a cage should the angels call, well its only then, I might pull in the reins. We're gonna ride forever you can't keep horsemen in a cage should the angels call, well its only then, I might pull in the reins."
       "You are not ready to talk to your Father, are you, Ray?" Fraser supplied softly as he pulled the covers back over his friend as gently as he might a frightened child.  Ray shook his head and looked away as Fraser picked up the book Ray had tossed aside in his struggles and placed it back on the nightstand. "Understood."
        "F...Frase?" Ray whispered and the Mountie paused at the door and turned back toward him. "T...thanks buddy." Fraser nodded and offered him a small smile.
        "Try to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning." Ray nodded and allowed his eyes to close as Fraser left the room, immediately coming face to face with Damien Kowalski.
        "Well?' he demanded. "How's my boy? Move aside and let me go talk to him."
        "Ray does not wish to speak with you at this time, Mr. Kowalski." Fraser informed quietly, his eyes meeting James' over the older man's head.
         "What does dat mean?" he questioned angrily. "He won't see me? He's my boy! I got a right...." His words were interrupted as he watched Fraser close the door firmly behind him and place himself in front of it in his best sentry position.  "What are you doin' ?"
         "Ray has been through a terrible ordeal the past few days." Fraser informed coolly, his Mountie mask firmly in place and James was immediately impressed by the change. "He is mentally and physically exhausted and has injuries to deal with as well. I feel it best at the moment that we keep him from becoming upset."
         "I'm his father for God's sake!" Damien declared angrily. "I don't want to upset him I just..." his words broke off as Diefenbaker growled menacingly and stationed himself next to Fraser, the wolf wasn't about to allow his favorite blond to be upset any further either aparently.
         "Dad." James warned. "You can't have been dat blind that you never noticed da way Ray tenses up around you. It isn't good for him to be worked up right now."
         "But I...."
         "I appreciate your effort." James reasoned. "He may feel up to it later on, but right now it's probably better for you to go home and get yer thoughts together."
         "Yer takin' his side!" Damien accused pointing his finger at the Mountie, retracting it quickly when he recieved another growl from Diefenbaker, who didn't tolerate anyone being rude to his two favoriate people.  Damien continued hesitantly. "Just like Raymond. Yer always listen' to him, an outsider."
         "Ben loves Ray, Dad." James stated trying again to curb his temper; he'd about had it with this topic. "He respects Ray and cares for Ray and Ray knows he can trust and depend on Ben, so why wouldn't Ray listen to him?"
         "I'm his father!" Damien warned.
         "Then act like one." Fraser commented suddenly, surprising them both. "Do what is best for your son, Mr. Kowalski." Damien pondered his words carefully then nodded determined.
         "All right...all right then." He decided. "I...I know I've caused Raymond to be...a little suspicious of my intentions. I...I never meant to cause him not to trust me, his Dad, but I'll...I'll fix dat." He moved over and grabbed his coat from the chair. "I'll fix it. I'll earn his trust and...." He cast a meaningful look at the Mountie. "If dat means trustin' you to know what is best fer my boy, den dat's what I'll do. Raymond trusts you I will too, my boy's a good judge of character." He looked at James, who was fighting shock at the moment. "You call me when he wakes up, y'hear? You ask him if he'll let me talk to him and I'll be right here. You ask him boy, I'm trustin' you to make him understand I just wanna talk to him."
         "Yes Sir." James agreed quietly as he exchanged a surprised look with Fraser. Damien Kowalski nodded, continued to mumble to himself as he left.     "W...was that my Father?" he asked Fraser as the Mountie moved away from the door and opened it again so they could keep an eye on Ray.
         "So it would seem." Fraser returned as Diefenbaker trotted inside and hopped gently up on the end of Ray's bed, his eyes on the door to prevent any further interuption.
        Damien Kowalski walked out of the 27th precint in somewhat of a daze, and absently pulled his coat on over his chilled shoulders. He had left his son's apartment and went directly to where Ray worked. He spoke privately with Lieutenant Welsh and requested to see his son's file and arrest record. Welsh had been hesitant to comply, obviously he did not hold the elder Kowalski in very high regard and the larger man seemed adamently protective of his detectives, especially Ray it seemed. Finally however he agreed, perhaps he thought a healthy dose of reality regarding the kind of things his son had been through and acomplished as an officer would shake the old man up. Welsh had been correct in his assumption.
        He had offered one of the interviewing rooms to Damien and then had fetched the handful of files himself to deliever. Most of them had the name Ray Vecchio on them, obviously since Ray Kowalski was undercover as that detective, but there were a few that Welsh had offered from his personal collection, ones the other precinct had sent over. Included was Ray's arrest record as well as his hopspital records and injuries sustained on the job. His awards, certificates and comendations and of course to turn the scres just a little farther, Welsh had managed to obtain a copy of Ray's Police Academy scores.
        Damien continued to read through the numerous files in privacy, appaled at the number of injuries his son had been treated for in just the past two years alone, not to mention the ones he was sure Raymond didn't report because of his fear of hospitals. He read over the situations that constituded Ray's recieving of three bravery citations and shook his head. There were also several references to plaques  and letters of commendation Ray received including one for outstanding service above and beyond the call of duty.
        At the Police Academy Ray scored in the top five percent in his school, receiving merits for marksmanship, aprehension, investigative deduction and a few others that were lost on Damien. He now regretted not going to Raymond's graduation and seeing such a proud moment for his son to have achieved so much. It appearded that Ray had worked hard at becoming a cop and had acomplished more that Damien had considered possible in the few short years it seemed he had been on the force.
        Still, as he glanced once again over Ray's medical injuries and the reasons for his citations, he couldn't help thinking his son was foolish to put himself in harms way so often.
        "It's what I want to do, Dad." his son's words haunted him from many years before, when Ray first told him about going into the police academy. "It's what I want to be."
        "Den yer a fool!" Damien  retailated, angry at the news of Ray's dropping out of college. "I haven' t worked my ass of all deese years in a stinkin' meat factory just so you could get in da same line of work! You need somethin' better."
        "Police work is nothin' like working in a slauter house, Dad." Ray protested.
        "The hell it's not!" Damien screamed furious. "Ya still come home wit da stink of yer work, only yers will be da stink of da low lifes and da druggies and all da trash you haveta associate wit bein' a cop."
        "Dad!" Ray returned exasperated. "Dat's not all dere is to bein' a cop. It's about helpin' people, makin' a differnce. I want to make a differnece Dad."
        "Den go to school and get a proper education like yer brother did." Damien suggested earnestly. "Ya can be a doctor or a lawyer or a business fellow like yer brother." Ray growled fristrated as he tried to make his father see what eh was really trying to say.
        "Dad, I hate hospitals, Stella's gonna be the lawyer in da family and I don't have da brains to be a business major."
        "You just think you don't...." Damien denied and Ray shook his head vehmentanly.
        "No dad." he concluded. "I'm stupid, just like you always said I was.I'm no good at dat kinda schoolin'. I am gonna be a cop, you can accept it or not, but dats the way it's gonna be."
        "Fine, you be a cop." Damien shot angrily. "But you won't be my son no more, I'll tell you dat!" The look of horror and then defeat on Ray's face almost broke Damien's heart, but he would be firm, he was doing what was best for his son. Ray would thank him later, once he got this nonsense of being a cop out of his system.
            "Then I guess dere'll be one less fer da holidays, Dad." Ray informed quietly. "I wil be a cop, even if it kills me. even if it means you disowning me, I will be a cop."
        "Yer talkin' crazy son!" Damien berated, shocked that Raymond had called his bluff. "Yer doin' dis just to spite me. What about yer mum? Ya gonna break her heart too?"
        "I'm not doing dis to hurt you Dad." ray denied. "It's what I want. Mum knows dat, she understands, why can't you?" Damien turned toward Barbara who had been watching the heated exchange anxiously from the kitchen.
        "You knew?" he accused. "You encouraged him fer dis...dis insanity?" Barbara nodded.
        "Stanley has to follow his own path, Damien." she stated. "I respect that."
        "Will you still respect it when we get a call late one night sayin' some criminal has shot Stanley dead Barbara?" Damien inquired and heard his wife's gasp.
        "Dad, stop it yer just tryin' ta scare her!" Ray rebuked irritated as he turned to his mother. 'It won't be like dat, Mum. I'm more careful dan dat."
        "You have no control over some fool pullin' a gun an' shootin' you in da head, Raymond." his father informed, using his advantage to get Barbara back on his side and make his son see the stupidy of what he was thinking of doing.
        "No dad, the accademy will teach me to be in control of those situations, it's not going to be as bad as you think." Ray ran his hands through his hair. "You wouldn't care if I was entering the army or the Navy."
        "Dat's different!" Damien retorted. "Dat's servin' yer country an..."
        "It's still a type of service, damnit!" Ray excalimed finally loosing control of his volitile temper.. "I'm serving the people of dis city, helpin' to keep people like you and mum and little kids safe, why can't you just accept my decesion? Why can't you support me just once in yer freakin' life like ya do James?"
        "Yer helpin' strangers..." Damien argued.
        "Strangers dat may some day need my help, Dad." Ray enforced. "I want my kids to grow up a little less afraid of the place dey live. I don't want to have to worry constantly when Mum and you are out on yer own and if I help get da trash of da street it will help me breathe easier knowin' you and Mum are okay for another day, can't you understand?"
        "If you do dis, I will no longer be yer father, Raymond." Damien threatened as Ray reached for his jacket. "Me and yer Mum will have no further contact with you, you understand? We will not support yer decision."
        "Well, dere's a surprise." Ray grumbled shrugging into his jacket. "Support it or not, I'm gonna be a cop." He paused a moment to look away thoughtfully then returned his gaze to them. " I love you both too much not to do dis, someday, maybe you'll understand why."
        Damien shook his head and wiped at a stray tear. Raymond really was doing all of this, had suffered through all of this for them, to help make the city a better place for them to live in. Why hadn't Damien been able to see it before? Why had he allowed his anger and frustration to come between him and his youngest boy? He glanced over the files a final time and felt a strange emotion stiring in him. He knew what that feeling was, knew he should have felt it much sooner and he also knew exactly how big of a fool he had been.
        He gathered the files and returned them to Lieutenant Welsh, thanking him gruffly before quickly walking out of the station. Welsh glanced after him for a long moment then slowly rose to put the papers away. He couldn't stop the small knowing grin that pulled at his lips from surfacing as he stared down at the picture of Ray Kowalski attached to Vecchio's file.
        "Looks like hell just froze over detective," he murmmered. "Good luck to you son."
 

          Later that evening, Fraser and James were watching a base ball game when they heard a loud thump coming from Ray's bedroom. Both were out of their chairs and across the living area in seconds to check on the injured detective. Ray had knocked over one of his bedside lamps, having attempted to get up on his own, he lay half on and half off the large bed, with Dief whinning beside him to keep him from moving further until help could arrive.
         "Ray!" both men scolded rushing to his aid. Ray worked his mouth, no sound coming out as he tried to tell them what he needed, but luckily Fraser picked up his problem immediately and helped his friend to stand.
         "I'll take you, Ray." He assured as James disengaged the sheets that tried to cling to the groggy blond. Ray nodded gratefully as Fraser led him into the bathroom and closed the door. After making sure Ray was able to stand on his own for a few minutes, he turned his back to give the detective privacy to take care of his need.
         When he heard the toilet flush he turned back and steadied his partner who had tried to turn too quickly. Fraser turned the water on in the sink and helped Ray wash his hand, and then he took a moist cloth and gently wiped down his face and torso. Ray mouthed something and Fraser smiled.
         "I am aware you are not a child, Ray." He assured; checking the brace on Ray's arm to make sure it was still secure. "You are however feeling the effects of the drugs in your system, not to mention the pains I am sure you are experiencing due to your recent injuries, so please allow me to coddle you a bit and don't argue."
        Ray sighed and leaned his head against Fraser's shoulder and the Mountie gave him a brief but gentle hug of encouragement. Poor baby, he couldn't help thinking but refrained from voicing the comment, Ray would truly get irritated then. When he turned Ray back around so he could wipe down his back, he watched the detective mouth something else to him in the mirror.
        "Your hair is fine, Ray." Ray shook his head frustrated and Fraser bit back another smile as James rapped on the door.
         "You guys okay in dere?"
         "Just done." Fraser assured as he pulled the door open. "Ray is feeling ashamed of the state of his hair at the moment." James chuckled as he stared at his little brother's mulish expression.
         "Looks about the same as it ever does." James teased and received a mild glare from the injured Kowalski. "How about I wash it fer ya, make ya feel better?" Ray lowered his gaze shyly, then a thought hit him and he picked up the soap and started to write on the mirror. James frowned at the message.    "I promised I would talk to Dad and I will, later." Ray shook his head too quickly and fell backwards into the hard body of Fraser, who automatically caught him.
         "Perhaps you should lay down another while longer, Ray?" Fraser suggested softly as he steadied his partner. Ray grabbed the soap again, wiped the message off the mirror with the cloth and wrote the words NOW across it, underlining it twice. Then below he wrote YOU PROMISED.
         "Ray, Dad's already been here." James told him and was not surprised by the worried look of fear his younger brother sent him. "He came by last night. He feels bad you were hurt, little brother. I...I think he's trying to make it up to you. He stayed up with you all last night." Ray shook his head and pushed past both of them, almost stumbling before he managed to make it to the bed.
         Ray shook his head and turned away from them, as much as his brace and cast would allow.
         "It's okay, buddy." James assured quickly as he set the lamp back up on the table. "I understand. You sleep awhile longer, you'll fell better in da mornin' okay?" Ray nodded and allowed his eyes to drift closed as James caressed his brow tenderly. "Everything will be better in da mornin' Ray. I promise."

         Ray was doing much better the following day, he could talk in a loud whisper, though Fraser gave him stern looks each time that he tried and Ray could only smile back innocently, but it usually turned into a smirk because smiling hurt his face at the moment. He continued to try and talk James into making good on his promise and going to talk to their Father. Ray was still seriously worried he had caused a rift between them and would not be happy until James ironed things out and returned to his good relationship with Damien Kowalski.
         James had tried to tell him that he'd already talked some to their Father, that it didn't matter anymore, that Damien had come to see him and wanted to talk things out with Ray. Their Father had called three or four times to see if he could speak with his youngest son, but the detective continued to refuse. Ray seemed convinced those things his Father wished to talk about were more disappointments of having Ray for his son. He knew he had put Matt and Jimmy in danger, he had tried to do what was right, but he only ended up screwing things up again. He was sure his Father was furious for his actions at the video store and Ray couldn't see past his own fear and disillusionment to think anything his Father wanted to say to him would be beneficial to his state of mind at the moment.
         "How about I wash yer hair, Ray?" James offered and Ray shook his head, again his shyness over coming him and he was filled with disbelief that his brother wanted to spend so much time with him.
         James frowned and cast Fraser a frustrated glance; it almost seemed like the small amount of closeness the pair had managed to gather had disappeared in the light of the new day. Ray was just as edgy and flighty as the first day James and his family arrived in Chicago, only his depleted energy and injuries made it unable for him to bounce of the walls in his usual outlet. So, instead he was constantly flipping channels on the television at a ferociously erratic pace.
          Fraser offered James a sympathetic glance, unable to understand his partner's turn around either. The only thing he could think of was that Ray was still distraught over his brother and Father's argument at the hospital and here at the apartment and was taking it out by punishing himself and remaining outside James' good graces and affection.  Finally James murmured something about getting some air and going to check on Beth and the kids and Fraser invited him to return.
         "Ray?" Fraser began walking over to his friend and pulling the remote away from his partner's fingers to turn the set off. "What is the matter?" Ray glared at him, now that his other distraction had been taken away and reached for the remote of his stereo. Fraser was a step ahead and managed to remove it from his reach before he could catch a hold of it. "You are being childish, Ray." Ray stuck his tongue out at him and Fraser forced himself not to smile at the gesture. In a totally un-Fraser like move, he tossed both remotes over his shoulder into the chair opposite.
         "Lemmie alone." Ray croaked belligerently, but Fraser continued to give him his best scolding stare and the detective couldn't keep up his mulish posture. A grin slid across his features and he slid lower in the seat, careful of the brace, and propped his feet up on the table. "Don't you got someone ya can go arrest fer jay walkin'?"
         "I am not permitted to arrest anyone, Ray." Fraser reminded calmly. "You are fully aware that my jurisdiction does not extend to Chicago, unless of course the person perpetrating the crime was on Canadian soil at the time, or if the victim was a Canadian citizen. Then I would be awarded temporary jurisdiction for..." Ray tossed a couch pillow at him and Fraser caught it easily. Ray winced in pain shortly after.
         "I'm hurtin' Frase." He wheezed and Fraser was immediately moving for the bottle of painkillers on the counter and a glass of water.
         Fraser could see the amount of pain that his friend must be going through simply from the slow dilation of his pupils, but he wanted to wait until the sedatives he had given Ray earlier had sufficient time to wear off. He helped Ray swallow the pills then suggested the detective try and lay down. Ray refused, he was not tired and he felt like he had been on his back for a full week instead of just a couple of days. Dief was curled up next to his favorite American and Ray was petting him with his good arm. The phone rang and Fraser rose to answer it.
         "Hello Mr. Kowalski." Fraser greeted trying not to notice the cringe from his partner and the way Ray pulled Dief that much closer. "He is doing much better today but I am afraid he is not up to speaking, his throat is still very sore." Ray cast him a grateful glance as Fraser responded to the questions being fired at him. "A visit?" Ray shook his head frantically, again that unmistakable anxiousness in his eyes. "I...I do not believe today would be a good day, Sir." Fraser frowned and kept his eyes on his partner, knowing any falsehoods he may be about to commit was for the perserverive of Ray's mental health. "I understand he is your son, Sir. No Sir, I do not have children. I am certain child rearing is very much the same in Canada as it is here, yes, Sir. No I cannot..."
         Ray rose and was beside Fraser faster that the Mountie had assumed he could move in his present condition. He grabbed the receiver from Fraser's hand and slammed it on the counter, effectively ending the conversation. Then he picked it up again and tossed it angrily across the room, throwing himself off balance enough that Fraser had to catch him and settle him on a stool by the breakfast bar.
         "That was unnecessary don't you think, Ray?" Fraser admonished, fetching the cordless phone from the floor and returning it to its cradle.
         Ray shook his head and Fraser realized his partner was very close to tears. He immediately stepped up and put his arms around Ray in a comforting hug, still amazed how easy it had become to show such usually restricted affection toward this one man. He could never fathom doing it to another living soul, but then no one else had ever accepted him so unconditionally before, Ray was, in many ways, his savior.
          He let his partner cry on his shoulder, his soft wrenching sobs stabbing into Fraser's heart with each breath, then guided him back over toward the bedroom. Ray started to protest but he was too weak and too confused by his own tidal wave of emotions to make more than a minimal effort, as Fraser helped him into his bed and pulled the covers over him.
         "Not tired." Ray whispered miserably and Fraser simply smiled and nodded as he settled on the bed next to him.
         "Well, I am." Fraser lied stretching out beside Ray's good side, the one without the bulky brace and cast. He was far enough to give the detective breathing room, so he wouldn't feel coddled, but close enough that if Ray wanted him he need only reach out. "You've worn me out completely." Ray hid a smile as Diefenbaker joined them, walking in circles at the foot of the bed two or three times before he decided he had the perfect spot, then dropping down with a relieved huff. "So is Dief apparently, so let's all take a nap then."
         "Not foolin' me, Benton Fraser." Ray mumbled even as his eyes closed against his wishes. "I know you." Fraser smiled and resisted the urge to reach over and push a stray lock of hair from his partner's pale forehead.
         "Indeed you do, my friend." Fraser whispered softly. "As I know you."

         Fraser was awoken by a soft tapping at the apartment door and was shocked that he had indeed fallen asleep next to his friend. He had only intended to lie there until he was sure Ray had gone to sleep, but he must have been more tired than he was aware of. Then again, the past few days had been eventfully trying. He rose carefully from the bed, trying not to awaken the softly snoring detective as Diefenbaker gave him a mild glare for disturbing his sleep then moved up into the warm spot Fraser had just vacated and cuddled into Ray. Fraser shook his head at the pair and went to answer the door.
         "How is he?" James asked as Fraser allowed Ray's older brother and his son Matthew inside the apartment, the aroma of fresh oven baked pineapple and Canadian bacon pizza caused his mouth to water and his stomach to growl embarrassingly.
         "Please excuse me!" he declared blushing as their company smiled and Matt set the pie on the counter. "I had not realized I was hungry either." He glanced at James chagrined. "I just woke up from a nap that I had no intention of taking as well."
         "It's been dat kinda week, Ben." James excused easily as Fraser hung up their jackets and Diefenbaker trotted out to greet them, his sensitive nose no doubt picking up the delicious smells of dinner.
         "Can I go tell Uncle Ray we have pizza for supper?" Matt asked his father, who refereed the question to the Mountie beside him.
         "I think Ray would be pleased to see you Matthew." Fraser concurred. "He's been in low spirits today, but I am sure you will help him feel better." Matthew grinned and hurried over to the bedroom.
        Matthew grinned and hurried over to the bedroom, entering quietly in case his uncle was asleep. Sure enough, Ray was still unconcious, looking very uncomfortable streached out on his back, the only position the bulky brace would allow him. Matt adored his uncle, he had been upset that Ray had been hurt but at the same time the excitement and pride of what his uncle had done had been overwheming to a boy of his age.
         He had gotten to see Uncle Ray in action and simply couldn't get over it. Matt loved his father and mother dearly, and of course he treasured his new baby sister. He would be a good brother and take care of Abby and play with her and lavish her with plenty of love. Their family wouldn't be like his Dad's family, Matt wanted to be everything Damien Kowalski wasn't and everything Stanley Raymond Kowalski was. He'd already decided he was going to be a cop, just like his uncle Ray, though he hadn't told his folks yet. Plenty of time for that later and he was sure they would support him.
         Matthew carefully crawled onto the bed and cuddled up to his uncle, torn between waking him and wanting him to sleep so he would feel better later on. Matthew was a very affectionate boy, especially around his folks and his uncle, so it was no big thing for him to just lean down and rest his head on Ray's chest and listen to his breathing, as he tossed a small arm around him. He felt his uncle's hand come up and pull him closer, the tell tale sensation of a soft kiss being dropped in his hair and he raised his head to smile at Ray.
        "Hi." he offered quietly.
        "Hey." Ray returned in a soft whisper. "Where'd you come from?"
        "My mother and Father of course!" Matthew teased.
        "Ha ha, real funny." Ray rasped "My nephew da wiseguy." Matthew grinned and carefully sat up.
        "Are you up to eating some pizza, Dad and I brought some with us."
        "Sure." Ray sighed as Matthew helped him lever himself into a sitting position and then pull his fet to the floor so he could stand. "Hand me a clean shirt will ya please?" Matthew hurried over to the dresser and retrieved a Bulls T-Shirt, then hellped his uncle pull it on over him, after removing the previous shirt.
        "I'm gladd you're feeling better, Uncle Ray." he offered kindly and Ray smiled down at him. "I love you."
        "Love ya too little buddy" Ray returned genuinely. "Let's go eat."

        "Been bad today?" James sighed as he pulled four plates down from the cupboard as Fraser pulled two sodas and two waters from the refrigerator. "I thought if I left fer awhile he'd calm down."
         "I believe Ray is still very much upset over the quarrel he witnessed between you and your father at the hospital." The Canadian informed quietly. "He believes it is his fault and I think perhaps that is why he has been pulling away from you again. In Ray's terms, he sees it as a screw up on his part."
         "It wasn't his fault, Ben!" James exclaimed angrily then lowered his voice as he cast an anxious glance toward the bedroom, as he ran his fingers through his hair, another Kowalski family trait it seemed. "Jesus why do things have to be so f**ked up in dis family?" Fraser poured the drinks into glasses and remained silent, allowing the older man to vent. He offered the Mountie an embarrassed glance. "Sorry fer swearin', Ray's told me ya don't stand fer swearin', not even from him." Fraser smiled.
         "Only because I feel he is above such displays of ostentatious rhetoric." Fraser replied calmly. "Also because I know he expects me to correct him, just as I know he does it to annoy me." James laughed his mood lifting.
         "Yer somethin' else, Ben Fraser." He decided tossing his arm over Fraser's shoulder in a brotherly slap on the back. Fraser smiled at him as Ray and Matthew emerged from the bedroom. It seemed that his nephew had assisted Ray in changing into a clean shirt and combing his hair into some sort of order, if there was such a notion with the detective's wildly stubborn locks.
         "Do you think you could eat some pizza, Ray?" Fraser inquired kindly. "Or shall I drop it in the blender and serve it to you through a straw?" Fraser had only been partially joking, for he didn't know if his partner's throat could handle anything as solid as pizza just yet, but the look of complete shock Ray shot him was so seriously horrified it was comical. James and Matthew chuckled as Fraser dropped a piece of the pie on the plate he held and remained straight-faced. "I'll take that as a no, then shall I?"
         "Freak." Ray muttered hoarsely as he snatched the plate from Fraser's hands with his good hand and tried at the same time to reach for a glass of soda. Fraser handed the sodas to James and Matthew and offered the detective a glass of water.
         "It is better for your throat, Ray." He reasoned ignoring the glare he received for his efforts. "The carbonation in the soft drink will only serve to agitate your injuries further."
        Ray sighed, ignored the drink and went to settle on the sofa next to Matthew, who was firing questions at his uncle about how he was feeling, did it hurt much, had he been scared, but not really giving Ray the chance to answer before starting on another topic. Ray listened indulgently, it seemed the only people he did have patience with were his mother and his nephew.
         Fraser hid a grin and brought the water out to him, defiantly setting it on the coffee table before the blond, knowing he would drink it when he got thirsty enough, then he retrieved his own drink and plate of food and joined them. He would have settled in the chair but James had elected to give his brother space so Fraser settled on the opposite side of Matthew. Diefenbaker was hungrily chowing down on his slice of pizza in the kitchen as the humans made short work of their own food, then rose for more.
          Ray was still working on his first piece, as the other two men made small talk, but Fraser suspected the detective wasn't very hungry with all the medication he was on and pain he might possibly feeling. Either that or his throat was making eating difficult and he was putting up a brave front. Fraser returned from the kitchen and handed Ray and Matthew each a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Both gave him identical grins of pleasure and he couldn't help smiling back as he retrieved a bowl for himself and James. Ray had given up on his half eaten piece of pizza and was enjoying the cool softness of the treat, which Matthew was feeding him between bites of his own ice cream, because his uncle was having trouble holding the bowl and eating with just one hand.
         "Feeling better, Ray?" Fraser inquired calmly as he nibbled his desert and ignored the hungry pleas of the wolf beside him. Diefenbaker knew he couldn't have chocolate, Fraser didn't know why the wolf even bothered to try. Even Ray knew not to give the animal something that could be so dangerous to a canine, whether he was part wolf or not.
         "Yah." Ray managed. "Thanks, Buddy."
        "You call Fraser and me Buddy, "Matthew observed. "Which of us is your real and true Buddy, Uncle Ray?" Fraser glanced at his friend, realizing Ray had just been put on the spot, but the detective just winked at him and answered his nephew.
        "Frase is my..er...Big Buddy, my grown up buddy." he explained. "Yer my little Buddy, my favorite kid kinda like."
        "What about when I'm full grown and an adult too?" Matthew pressed and Ray thought a moment longer before answering.
        "Um...will, I hate ta break it to ya, Matt, but no matter how old ya are or how tall ya get, you'll still be my favorite kid and my little buddy." Surprisingly this didn't bother Matthew very much, the for he offered Ray a wide grin.
        "What about dad?" he continued. "Is he your buddy?" Fraser glanced at James who was watching his brother and son with almost a wistful longing.
         Fraser understood the older man's wish to have Ray be that comfortable with him, but it would all take time. They would just have to be patient with the skittish detective, Ray was very hard to convince at times. He often reminded Fraser of a wild gelding, always standing off in a field, suffering incredible heat, storms, wind and cold as he looked down at a ranch in the valley below, where the horses were well groomed, well fed and well loved.
         Always straying close to the fence but never near enough to be caught, his fear preventing him from having the thing he wanted most, a real home. Ray was starved for love and understanding, he was ruled by his desire to be more than he was and to give the appearance of a successful and well-educated person like his brother. He longed to be touched, for any reason, just to be close to another individual.
        "Um...yer dad is my brother, dat's a little differnt den Buddies, Matt." Ray finally answered, slightly uncomfortable about the change in topic.
        "But dat doesn't mean Ray and I aren't buddies, Matt." James put in quickly, willing Ray to meet his gaze which the blond did hesitantly. "It just means we're both family and friends, dat we'll be dere for each other. Right Ray?"
        "Yah, sure James." Ray returnend quietly.
         "Maybe when yer better we can go to a ball game, little brother?" James suddenly suggested, wanting to keep his brother talking.
         "Yah, maybe." Ray replied hesitantly, the hope in his voice over ruled by his uncertainty and again James Kowalski felt rage at what his father had done to him, to them all. Fraser shared another sympathetic glance with James, who nodded firmly. He'd make it work, he'd have the relationship he always wanted with Ray, should have had from the beginning, and no one, not even Damien Kowalski would stand in his way.

        The next few days were a little easier for Ray; due largely to the amount of time he spent with his nephew, who seemed to have an almost calming affect on the detective, and the presence of Fraser, his partner and friend. James and Beth dropped by each night and they would all sit down to a board game or watch a movie, while the Kowalski's watched their grand daughter. Sometimes Beth would bring Abby and Fraser and Ray monopolized the kid's time like two proud parents. Fraser would be caught singing to her, Ray would be telling her stories and bouncing her on his knee while making her laugh.
        Today, however,  Ray was a mess. He had tried on three different outfits, washed his hair twice because he decided he didn't like the way he had styled it with his styling gel and lost his keys numerous times in just the last hour. His brace had come off the day before and now he just wore the cast, which was making him itch something terrible, he almost preferred the brace, but at least now he could move without toppling over onto someone.
         He had tried to avoid most contact with his family, other then letting Matthew come by while he and Fraser babysat as the older adults went to dinner or some fancy shindig, but apparanty his brother James was intent on spenting time with him. Ray was trying not to intrude on the time James had left to spend with his folks. He felt terrible that James had extended his trip because of Ray's injuries and he was sure his Father was ready to blow a gasket at all the trouble Ray had caused during this visit.
        Barbara Kowalski ahd called and requested her son and Fraser join them for church, since the whole family was there. Unable to say no to his Mother's persistance Ray had agreed, now he was trying to think of every possible reason why he couldn't go. Fraser was holding him to his commitment, damn Mountie, and so they were both piled in the GTO moments later and headed for the church that the Kowalski's frequented.
        Ray hadn't been to church since he was a teen ager and part of him wondered if the building might not fall down around his ears for stepping foot inside. Fraser wore a soft blue collared shirt and a pair of gray dress slacks, Ray thought he looked quite sharp. The conversation he had over heard his Brother and Father having at his apartment came back to him and he frowned. So, his Father was worried he and Fraser were gay? Maybe he shouldtry and watch how often he touched the Mountie while they were in church, he didn't want other's to get the same idea his Father had.
        Waitaminute! Why should he change the way he acted around Frser, they were both strictly hetrosexual, so they enjoyed the ocasioal hug or slap on the back, big deal? That was being supportive, showing how much you cared for someone, why should it make a difference if others thought something funny was going on? He rememebred the time on the Henry Allen, after Fraser had given hims some of his precious air to save Ray from drowining. Ray had automatically been outraged at first and found himself asking the Mountie if anything had changed.
        He started to grin, as he wondered what his father would do if he walked in to the church, arm and arm with Fraser and planted a big kiss on the Mountie in front of everyone. He could explain it was buddy breathing practice. Boy would everyone pitch a fit then!
        "Ray?'' Fraser inquired from beside him and Ray glanced over at him, still grinning. "You seem in better spirits."
        "Just thinkin' about somethin', buddy." Ray replied as they pulled into the church lot.
        "Are you going to tell me what you were thinking or do I have to guess?" Fraser asked as they exited the vehicle.
        "I'm thinkin' yer lookin' real sharp, Frase." Ray offered and the Mountie brightened with pleasure.
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." he returned. "You look quite handsome yourself."
        Ray chuckled and shook his head. If any other man had said that to him, he probably would have thought the guy was making a pass, but Fraser was simply Fraser; genuine and uncompromising. No games, no double meanings, just a straight forward compliment. Of course, Ray had started it by asking that day in the crypt if the Mountie found him attractive. Fraser could admit he had, without concern of being judged for his comment and Ray could too, at least he could now thanks to Fraser.
        "Yer somethin' else Benton Fraser." he decided as they headed toward the church.
        "What else am I, Ray?" Fraser asked curious and Ray waved a hand at him.
           "Tell ya later." Ray replied, his smile and good mood vanishing as Damien, Barbara and the others headed toward them.
        "Raymond." Damien greeted gruffly as Barbara automatically reached up to pull her son down for a kiss.
        "Dad." Ray returned quietly.
        "Uncle Ray!" Matthew called hurrying up almost breathlessly. "I was...we were...around back...there's..."
        "Breathe Matthew." Ray demanded as he bent to meet the boy's gaze. "What's wrong?"
        "There's someone trying to break into a car on the other side of the church!" Matthew exclaimed.
        "Oh my goodness!" Barbara exclaimed as Ray rose to his feet and indicated Fraser follow him.
        "Call the police, Beth." Ray instructed as he and Fraser set out across the parkinglot. "Tell them two officers are already on the scene." Beth nodded and pulled out her cell phone, grabbing the collar of her son's shirt as he made to follow.
        "Stay here Matthew." Damien ordered his grandson as he and James followed him in case Ray needed help. He watched curious as Ray stopped beside the preacher and asked to burrow his bible, then took hurried off.
        Fraser and Ray ran around to the back of the church, the detective had already retrieved his boot gun and they split up to surround the theif and was hiding it under the bible he had aquired. He didn't want to start a panic or indanger anyone by supllying hostages for their suspect,you never knew the kkind of creep you were going uo against until you confronted them.
        "Do you know yer commandmants, my son?" Ray called out as he approached the thief, who had just gotten into the vehicle. The boy looked like he was about to crawl in and take off, espeically now that he had been caught, but Ray pushed on, hoping Fraser would get in place quickly. "Thou shall not steal."
        "Screw off preacher man." The thief tossed and reached inside for the ignition, but Fraser had already crawled around the car while Ray had the other man's attetion and was waiting on the other side.
        "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house or belongings." Fraser instructed as the youth stumbled back out of the car away from him.
        "Thou will get shot if you don't kiss da ground." Ray confirmed as he raised the bible enough that the suspect could see the gun pointed at him. Unforuanatley, as with most crooks, this man was not bright enough to lay down and take his medicine, for he suddenly thew the tool he held behind his back at Ray, who barely dodged it and took off running.
        "Ray!" Fraser warned too late, but then both men were off after their suspect. ray had tossed the bible in the seat of the car and Damien had grabbed it up as they hurried after them. The youth grabbed a young woman who was getting out of her car and put a knife to her throat.
        "Back off!" he screamed at Fraser, glancing around for the other one. "Where's da preacher?"
        "He comes he goes." Fraser admitted calmly, inching closer. Never a word." Fraser forced himself not to glance over the boy's shoulder, where Ray ahd hopped the fence to go around him. The Mountie's job was to keep the man talking and from getting the hostage hurt. "You really should think about what you are doing. You don't really want to hurt anyone. Aren't you ashamed of commiting such attrocities in a church area?"
        "Shut up!" the boy screamed as the woman wimpered in fear and started to cry. "Back off or I'll kill her right now!"
        "Ah, yes, but if you hurt her then you shall go to jail for murder, most likely for the rest of your life. Now wouldn't that be a waste?"
        "Hey, fish face." a voice said from behind and the boy turned startled, only to meet the detective's fist. Fraser swiftly grabbed hold of the woman and pulled her free as the boy screamed in frustration and took a swing at Ray. Ray blocked it and heard the crunch as the thief's knuckles bounced of his arm cast, then Ray took the advantage of the man's pain and gave him an upercut to the chin, landing him unconcious.
        "Well done, Ray." Fraser remarked impressed as Damien and James approached. "Looks like that cast is a good thing after all." Ray chuckled as two uniformed police officers hurried over.
        "He's all yers guys." he offered.
         They had another barbecue to attend, since the other one had been postponed due to Ray's injuries and so Fraser and Ray found themselves once more at the Kowalski's RV. Ray was a little less edgy, but Fraser sensed the detective was still quite apprehensive about the visit. It seemed every time he tried to visit his folks lately something terrible happened and naturally Ray blamed himself for it.
         His father still called and wanted to see him, but Ray was convinced that either James or their mother was pressuring the old man to make nice with his youngest son. Ray did not want his pretend affection and he could not handle his Father's added guilt, he had enough of his own to deal with.
         He still had nightmares of that day at the hospital, terrible dreams of James yelling at their Father and Damien Kowalski having a heart attack and everyone blaming Ray for causing it. He dreamed he died and everyone had been so relieved that he was no longer around to screw up, now they could go back to being a happy family. He had dreams of everyone accusing him of being a screw up, even Fraser and sometimes Ray would be chased by his friends and family off a pier or a cliff and fall to the rocks and water below.
         Now he had yet another family gathering to attend and he was scared to death he'd do or say something to mess things up again. He didn't want to go, he had tried seven ways from Sunday to convince Fraser to tell them he wasn't up to it, but the Mountie refused to lie for him. Now, he was stuck, he had to go, but he didn't have to stay. If he just kept telling himself that he would be okay.
         "Are you ready, Ray?" Fraser asked as the detective emerged from his bedroom, dressed finally in his best pair of blue jeans, a soft blue collared cotton shirt and his black boots. Ray felt naked without his shoulder holster on, but he had managed to secure his boot gun, so that made him feel a little less vulnerable. Fraser was dressed casually as well in jeans and his red flannel and Stetson.
         "I...I guess." Ray muttered glad his voice had at least returned to normal, though it still sounded a little too soft for his liking. Beth had commented it made him sound sexy on her last visit and Ray had blushed bright red and spilled the drink he had been holding all over the kitchen floor. James had worked hard not to laugh, only because he knew Ray would see it as a criticism as Fraser quickly came to his partner's rescue with a towel. Most of the bruising on his face and throat had almost disappeared, much to the detective's relief.
         "Shall I drive?" Fraser offered as he and Dief followed Ray out of the apartment and waited for the detective to turn and lock up.
         "Nah, I wanna get dere in dis life time, Fraser." The blond teased and Fraser offered him a tolerant look, secretly pleased that at least Ray was making the effort to be play despite his inner turmoil.
         "Just because I adhere to the speed limit is no need to insult my driving, Ray." Fraser tossed back as they both lightly jogged down the steps that led outside.
         "Yah, but we drive miles, here, Frase." Ray reminded as they stepped out into the warm sunshine. "Not Kill...kol...not dose udder ones."
         "Kilometers, Ray." Fraser supplied as they settled into the GTO. "And I am fully aware of the difference in the American and Canadian metric system." Fraser waited for another stinging retort but when none came he turned his head to observe his friend, who was having trouble getting the key in the ignition because his hands were shaking so badly. Fraser reached over and placed his hand over Ray's fingers, and guided them to proper place.
         "M...maybe you should drive, Buddy." Ray suggested and Fraser frowned; now he knew Ray was incredibly nervous.
         "Certainly, Ray." Fraser assured quickly as the two exchanged places, Ray going under Fraser's body as the Mountie slid over him into the driver's seat, mindful of the detective's injured arm. Fraser turned the key and the smooth sound of the GTO's engine purred to life. "Now, which gear is drive again?" Ray shot him a worried look and the Mountie giggled as he easily pulled out of the lot. "Just kidding, Ray." Fraser was rewarded with a small smile from his partner as they eased into traffic.
         They pulled into the Kowalski's RV area a few minutes later and Fraser noticed the odd look James shot them when he realized Ray was not driving. He refrained from comment as he and Matthew hurried over to greet them.
         "About time you guys showed up!" James teased as Matthew greeted his father then automatically moved back a few paces to play with Diefenbaker, who had immerged from the vehicle as well. "Hey, Bro." He offered tossing his arm affectionately over Ray's shoulders and giving him a gentle squeeze, while he offered his other one to Fraser. "Hi, Ben. Glad you guys could make it. Mum's been fixin' three or four different side dishes and Dad's workin' hard on da grill. We're just tryin' ta stay outta the way."
           "I can't do this Frase.' Ray murmured quietly to the Mountie beside him, as he slowly pulled away from his brother and Abby and Barbara headed their way.
         "You can, Ray." Fraser insisted just as quietly as James squeezed his brother's shoulder before reluctantly releasing him.
          "Remember what ya promised, Ray. Today's just fer us, you and me." He winked at Matt and Fraser. "I guess we can include you guys too."
         "Thank you kindly, James." Fraser returned raising an eyebrow.
         "Yah, gee, thanks Dad." Matt followed in mock annoyance as he teased Diefenbaker with a frisbee he had brought for him.
         "Dat was before, James." Ray reminded shaking his head. "I screwed dat day up I..."
         "Stanley!" Barbara Kowalski greeted warmly as she carefully enfolded her son into her embrace. "I'm so glad you came, Honey. How are you feeling?"
         "Um...I'm fine, Mum." Ray assured quickly, missing his brother's hurt expression that he had gone back to the more formal use of his name. Barbara smiled and reached up to kiss Ray's cheek.
         "I made all your favorites, sweetie, come and see."
         "I...in a bit Mum." Ray promised and Barbara hid her disappointment as she turned to hug Fraser.
         "Thank you for bringing him Benton." She whispered in the Mounties's ear, her voice trembling slightly. Fraser returned her embrace and nodded as Beth wrapped her arms around her brother in law.
         "How ya doin' handsome?" she greeted smiling and Ray blushed.
         "Good." He murmured shyly.
         "Hey!" James protested, grinning. "You never call me handsome."
         "That's because you're not." She retorted playfully and winked at Ray as she snuggled against him. "I may have married the wrong brother, Ray's got that incredibly sexy voice now women could die for and those eyes, that smile, that hair..." She sighed dramatically.
         "All right, Bro." James sighed regretfully. "You win, I can't fight perfection. You can have her, but da kids gotta go too, which means you get to stay up late changing diapers and bottle feeding Abby."
         "Gladly." Ray returned shyly surprising them both and Beth giggled delighted as she looped her arm through his.
         "You're on lover." She smiled affectionately as she led him away from the car. "Let's get you properly introduced to your new brood."
         Abby Kowalski was simply fascinated by Ray and Beth had propped her in her swing next to where Ray and Fraser sat in a couple of lawn chairs, the child's eyes never wandered from her uncle's face. Ray seemed just as enamored of his niece as he, Fraser and Matt played with her, and finally they had found something to put the anxious detective at ease.
         "We definitely may have to go to Canada to find your brother a girl." Beth told her husband as she watched the kids and their older playmates play  with blocks and squeaky toys. Even the wolf got into the act, nudging a block closer to Abby's chubby little fingers from his position next to Matthew.
         "He does seem more amiable around foreigners, doesn't he?" James agreed grinning as Fraser cast them a startled look. "No offence, Ben."
         "None taken." He assured and turned back to help Matthew finish his pyramid.
           "What do you say, Ray?' Beth suggested smiling. 'Shall we try and find you a girlfriend?"
         "No thanks." Ray returned curling his good arm around Abby. "I already found one."
         "A little young for you isn't she, Ray?" Fraser teased and his friend shrugged as he winked at his sister in law.
         "Easier to train dat way." He remarked and turned his head away from the swat Beth fired at him. They both laughed and James glanced over at his father who was standing at the grill.
         Damien Kowalski had yet to greet his son; he remained at the grill cooking the steaks, only stopping to make trips into the RV. James had fetched sodas for Ray and Fraser, since, the Mountie didn't drink and Ray couldn't due to the medication he was on. James was getting more and more angry with his Father's intentional omission of his youngest son, but he was trying hard to keep things light so Ray would enjoy himself.
        He hadn't been able to stop smiling for the last few days; he and Ray seemed to finally be becoming what real brother's should be. He couldn't believe the change in his brother's behavior and he wished Ray had always felt comfortable enough to be this way around him. Ray still became shy or edgy whenever James complimented him on something, but either Matt or Fraser would say something to make the detective smile and then he was okay again. James was grateful to them both for showing him what a great brother he really had.
         He and his father spoke some the day James had returned to check on his family and then had taken Matt with him back to Ray's apartment, both apologizing for what was done but not what was said. They came to a stalemate and James was to tired at that point to press further against his thick headed father, so he turned his attentions to Ray. He only had two days left and he wanted to make the most of them, though Ray could hardly seem to belief James wanted to spend his last days with him.
        "Food's ready!" Damien announced finally and the others moved to get their plates, accept for Ray and Fraser who stood beside him. Ray had become apprehensive again, his fear switch had been triggered by his father's voice it seemed and the detective's nerves were already coming to a fast boil.
         "I... I...it's time ta go, Frase." Ray muttered. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
         "My cookin' ain't dat bad, Son." Damien announced, startling them both at his nearness. He handed Ray and Fraser each a plate with a thick juicy steak.   "Just da way you like it, Raymond, medium well. Mum's got the veggies and salad, so pitter patter before it's all gone." With that he turned around and returned to the grill. Fraser had to remove Ray's plate from his partner's shaking fingers as the blond stared after his father in shock.
         "Ray? Ray? Ray!" Fraser chanted until finally the detective answered him.
         "What?"
         "Let's get the rest of our food, you will feel better." He suggested and Ray nodded dazed.
         "Thanks Frase."
         "For what, Ray?" Fraser asked handing Ray back his plate as they stepped up to the picnic table that was loaded with assorted dishes.
         "Fer bein' my friend." Ray replied quietly and Fraser smiled.
         "It is an honor I cherish, Ray." He assured and Ray smiled and lowered his eyes as he spooned some potatoes on to his plate. Suddenly they turned toward a commotion by the trailer, James and his father were arguing again.
         "You have Dad!" They heard James exclaime. "Don't you see how unsettled he is around you? Around all of us? He acts like he's not even a part of dis family, like he's an outsider just waiting to outstay his welcome."
         "That's ridiculous!" Damien insisted. "Raymond is a part of this family and he's an idiot if he..."
          "See?" James jumped in. "You keep referring to him with such derogatory terms, is it any wonder he really thinks he's an idiot? You tell someone long enough they believe it." Damien stared at his son furiously, the tension around them thick enough to cut with a knife, yet neither was about to back down. Damien was not about to let his son try and tell him he was the main cause for Ray's erratic behavior at times.
         "Yer out of line, James." He warned. "I'm still your father and I won't take no more of yer lip, y'hear?"
         "Well yer gettin' it anyway!" James retorted defiantly. "It's time someone stood up fer Ray, and it's gonna be me, by Christ!"
         "You think yer brother can't stand up on his own?" Damien hissed. "You think yer brother's a cowardly piss ant, do ya? Well I know Raymond can take care of himself..."
         "Not against you." James denied hotly even as Beth placed a warning hand on his arm. "No one can last against you. You destroy everything you touch, Ray, me, Mum...why do you think I left? So you couldn't work yer evil on my family!" James had been unprepared for the slap that knocked him backwards.
          Ray had dropped his own plate and was across the lawn in seconds followed by Fraser and they helped James to his feet, as Beth cried out and tried to comfort her husband. James wiped the blood from his lip and shrugged them both off as he cast a deadly stare toward his father. He had told Fraser he had always been afraid to protect Ray because he worried his Father would turn on him, now he had, but James was a man now not a cowardly boy.
        Fraser knew he should intervene, but he couldn't make himself hold James Kowalski back, instead he stepped aside, gently pulling Beth with him. This was something they both had to work out. Before James could even make a full swing however, he suddenly found Ray between him and their father.
         "Jimmy no!" he protested holding up his good hand.
        "He's has it comin', Ray." James reasoned angrily. "Look'it all da times he belted you around."
         "I probably deserved it." Ray replied quietly, standing his ground as James looked around him to glare at his Father.
         "Y'see?" he exclaimed fiercely.  "Dat's what you did! He thinks he deserved ta get hit! You slimy son of a ..."
         "Jimmy, please." Ray requested, his eyes filling with tears. "Don't be like him. Please Jimmy, just...just let it go." Both brothers gazed each other, searching for the understanding that would sooth their individual guilt.
Matthew  suddenly threw his dinner plate at his grandfather in fury.
         "You leave my Dad alone!" Matthew suddenly cried and flew at his grandfather enraged, perhaps afraid another altercation was about to happen.
         Although Damien had only been trying to protect himself against the young man's assault, he did catch the youngster's hands and shove him away, causing Matthew to land hard on his bottom. Everyone was shocked, even Damien, but what happened next floored all of them. Ray turned suddenly with a firece growl and grabbing the front of his Father's shirt with his good hand he threw the older man up against the outside of the RV, holding him there with a strength that surprised everyone.
         "You. Will. Not. Lay hands on my nephew in violence again, you hear me?" Ray hissed, his remaining composure lost, his earlier fear met with rage as he finally found the one thing that would make him take a stand. "You can hit me, you can tell me I'm stupid, you can deny me as yer son, whatever butters yer muffin, but if you EVER touch any kid like dat again I will personally break both yer arms, you got me!"
         Damien Kowalski could not even stammer a reply, nor could he look away from the fury in his son's penetrating blue eyes. He hadn't meant to hurt Matt, he would never hurt his grandchildren, why did everyone try to paint him as such an ogre? First James and now Raymond. But he also saw the tears forming in his son's eyes and he realized how tortured Ray was feeling, despite his anger. They were tears of love for his father and anguish for his actions.
         Fraser and James pulled Ray away from his father as Barbara, who had been startled by the sounds outside the RV had rushed out. She hurried over to check on her husband then shot both her son's a surprisingly angry glare.
         "How dare you!" she screamed at them. "He is your Father! You will not disrespect him, not like this." She wiped at the tears in her eyes. "I am so damn tired of everyone in this family fighting! I'm sick of the name-calling and the guilt trips and the whole stinkin' lot of you! You're all a bunch of mule headed Polocks and I wish to Christ you would all just grow up!"
         "Mum!" Ray called after her as she covered her face with her hands and ran back inside the RV. Ray tried to open the door but she had locked it and he leaned against it heavily. "Mum, please let me talk to you. "I'm sorry." Barbara did not respond but he could hear her quiet sobbing inside and it was tearing him apart. He'd never meant to hurt them, why couldn't he do anything right? Why was he such a screw up?
         "Barbara, honey?" Damien tried as Ray backed away, shaking his head mournfully. "Sweetheart, com'on now, open the door, baby."
         "Shit!" Ray hissed as he continued to back up until he was leaning against the GTO. "I'm such a screw up! Christ I can't do anything right."
         "Ray, this is hardly your fault." Fraser reasoned following his skittish friend. "It was bound to happen sooner or later it just..."
         "Shut up!" Ray screamed at him startling the Mountie. "You don't know...you don't know about dis, not dis!"
         "Ray..." James had joined Fraser; his expression filled with concern for his little brother. "You gotta stop running away from dis little brother. It's time we faced up to what's really goin' on here, all of us."
         "Lemmie alone, Jimmy." Ray shook his head miserably. "Just...just go home to yer perfect life and yer perfect family and lemmie alone!" James could not hide his hurt at the harsh words.
        Ray was backing toward the GTO, James and Fraser were still talking to him, but their words seemed to be making little sense to him, for his head was swimming and he had this terrible all over ache building from his heart and stretching outwards. Maybe it was just being around his family, or it could be the guilt over what he had just done or maybe..."
         "F...Fraser!" he cried as his knees buckled and he grabbed for the hood of the car to steady himself. Something was wrong, something was very wrong but he didn't know what. The Mountie was beside him instantly; helping him up as the others fretted about him worried. "Oh God! Fraser, get me outta here, please, I really am gonna be sick."
         Fraser nodded without hesitation and putting a supporting arm around his friend started to help Ray straighten up, as James quickly took in his brother's sickly state and frowned.
         "He's running a fever." Fraser informed as James opened the passenger side door. "I think he may be having a reaction to his medication, the doctor gave him a different prescription when we went in and it hasn't seemed to mix well with him."
         "Should we take him to the hospital?" James suggested anxiously as the others gathered.
         "What's wrong with Uncle Ray?" Matt asked.
         "Are you okay, Ray?" Beth asked as she repositioned Abby on her hip.
         "Raymond, son?" Damien implored as Ray's eyes started to roll to the back of his head and he started to make a gurgling song low in his throat as though he was starting to choke on his own saliva.
         "What did the doctor give him?" Damien suddenly demanded and Fraser handed him the pills he retrieved from his pocket. "Jesus H. Christ!" Everyone jumped at his sudden outburst as he tossed the pills into the seat. "Barbara! Barbara Ann! Get the Ipicac, now." Barbara Kowalski, who had put asside her fury and opened the RV door at his urgent call, did not question her husband's order and was hurrying back inside the vehicle for the medicine. Damien pulled ray from the seat of the GTO and bent him over as he started rubbing his back.
        "D...Dad?" Ray managed weakly as hid Father and Fraser held him. "S...Sorry dad...didn't..."
        "Hush Son." Damien soothed in such a paternal tone that James found himself doing a double take to stare at him.
         "What is it, Dad?" He demanded as Ray's legs buckled and his entire body started to jerk in fast uncontrollable motions. "Oh God! Is he having a seizure?"
         "Matthew, take Abby and go sit over there, honey." Beth ordered handing her youngest child to her son. Matthew was too scared to argue as Barbara rushed out and Damien grabbed the bottle from her.
         "He's allergic to aspirin." Damien stated grimly as Fraser helped hold Ray down enough that they could get the Ipicac in his mouth. "Those pills have aspirin in them." Ray was turning his head away, either not wanting to take the expectorant or unable to control his head enough to do so. "Sweet Jesus, Raymond drink it! If you never do another thing I ask do this."
         James watched helplessly as he watched the two men force the nasty liquid down his little brother's throat, while Ray tried to quell his uncontrolled jerking enough to help them accomplish their task. When Ray started to spit the liquid back out, the jerking stopped and Damien and Fraser moved him onto his sitting position to try and get the remainder of the medicine in him. Just when James thought his brother was going to drown in the foul liquid, he watched his Father force even more Ipicac down Ray's throat.
         "Dad, stop it!" he demanded angrily, unable to see Ray in such agony.
         "Shut up!" Damien ordered as Ray pushed away yet again. "We have to get as much of it out as we can, I know what I'm doing I've had to do it twice before."
         "...nuff." Ray croaked pushing the bottle away. "No...no more."
         "Just another few swallows, son." Damien encouraged gently. "It's better than having to go to the hospital to get yer stomach pumped, right, just a bit more." Ray was too weak to argue as he swallowed more of the foul medicine and moments later finally began vomiting.
          In all it took almost an hour and a half to get the drug out of Ray's system. Fraser had picked his partner up and carried him into the RV as James had watched his younder brother curl into the Mountie's comfort automatically as Damien followed close behind. He watched from the door of the RV as his mother told Fraser where to lay her son on the  made up the bed for him, then the older woman methodologically removed Ray's shirt and boots then loosened his jeans before pulling the quilt over her son's shivering form. Fraser moved back out of the way, colser to where James was standing.
          Barbara retrieved the bowl of warm water and cloth she had set out earlier and gently began wiping the perspiration from Ray's face and torso in sure smooth strokes as Damien began rustling through a small leather bag he had pulled from the cupboard. He retrieved a syringe and prepared it carefully, then handed it to his wife, who quickly administered it directly into Ray's stomach, no doubt trying to counter act the other drug that had caused him such difficulty. Ray had long ago lost consciousness, but Barbara insisted that was good because it slowed the effects of the aspirin remaining in his system. Fraser realized both parents had apparently been through this with Ray before, so he encouraged James that they leave them to it, and the pair quietly left the trailer.
         "Is he okay?" Beth asked worriedly the moment they stepped outside.
         "Ray appears to be in good hands." Fraser assured kindly as James continued to shake his head in disbelief.
         "He could have died." He continued to say. "Ray coulda died and I would have never known what was wrong wit him? I never woulda thought he'd be allergic to his medicine, hell I didn't even know he was allergic to anything!"
         "It isn't your fault, Jimmy." Beth soothed but her husband was not to be pacified.
         "I shoulda known, Beth!" he declared, both anger and fear evident in his trembling voice. "He's my brother. How could I not know something so important?"
         "For heaven's sake Jimmy!" Beth exclaimed. Angrily. "You're getting as nurotic as Ray, blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong." James glared at her as Fraser stepped in.
         "You were uninformed because Ray did not tell you." he reminded firmly. "Nor did he tell me or the doctor of his allergy, though I am sure that it would be on his charts if nothing else and they should have checked before issuing a new prescription."
         "You...you don't think he did it on purpose, Ben?" James suddenly asked worried. "Oh Christ! If he did I'll..."
         "I believe it was a simple mistake, James." Fraser assured quickly. "Ray has had a lot on his mind lately and he was still slightly groggy from sleep when I took him to the doctor to have his brace removed. He may have just forgotten to mention his allergy to aspirin."
         "How do you forget something that could kill you, Ben?" James demanded and Fraser smirked.
         "James, as much as I care for your brother, he does tend to get mixed up and forgetful at times, especially if his mind is trained elsewhere." He offered kindly. "And you must admit he has had a lot to deal with recently." James nodded reluctantly.
         "Dis isn't fair!" he breathed frustrated. "Everything seems to happen to my little brother."
         "He is a calamity waiting to happen." Teased Beth, trying to lighten her husband's mood. "He'll be okay, Honey. Your Mom says Ray's a strong person, he's made it through some amazing things, he'll make it through this one too."
         "I...I know, but it's...I don't know." James sighed and wandered off toward the trees to gather his thoughts.
"Raymond is better." Damien Kowalski announced, relief edging his usually disapproving features, as he stepped out of the RV. "Your mother got him to eat some broth she cooked up, it will help settle his stomach, and he's sleepin' now."
         "Dad..." James stepped up to his father. "I...I understand now what you said about always fightin' fer Ray, and I appreciate ya keepin' my little brother round, but you gotta understand too. Savin' his life just so you can destroy his mental health is crazy."
`         "I never destroyed..."Damien started to protest but James interrupted, his fear of loosing Ray twice in one week turning to anger in the face of his thick headed parent. He opened his mouth as the door of the RV opened and they were both suddenly doused with cold water. Both men sputtered and stared at Barbara Kowalski in shock.
        "Mum!"
        "Barbara!"
        "Shut it, both of you." she warned firmly as Fraser and Beth, who had stepped  back just in time to avoid getting soaked, struggled to keep a straight face.  "If you are going to continue going at each other like two animals in heat then by God you'll get cooled off."
        "But I..." James began bewildered and Barbara pointed her finger toward the trees.
        "Get out of my sight," she demanded as Damien Kowalski smirked and gave his supportive wife a smug look, but faltered when he met her stormy expression. "Both of you. And don't come back until you can behave properly. Now get!" Fraser moved quickly out of their way as the men stormed off in opposite directions and Beth allowed her self a small giggle.
        "I...oh Mum!" she laughed. "You are too much!" Barbra Kowalski smiled a little.
        "They want to act like children they'll get treated acordingly." she decided then offered Fraser a small smile, noticing the caustious way the Mountie was watching her, for this was no doubt he had ever seen the usually mild mannered and soft spoken woman in a fury.
        "How is Ray, Mrs. Kowalski?" he inquired, when he realized there was no more water in the pitcher, not that she would ever throw it at him, but still, an angry woman can be unpredictable.
        "He's resting." she told him calmly. "Would you be a dear and go back to his apartment and get him a change of clothes and some over night things. I think he should stay here tonight, just in case, so we can watch him."
        "Certainly." Fraser agreed readily. "I will drop Diefenbaker back at the consulate and..."
        "Can't uncle Ben and Dief stay too Nana?" Matthew asked quickly returning his little sister to his mother's arms, now that the situation with Ray seemed under control. "We could have a camp out. I have my tent, him and Uncle Ray can sleep with me. Please, Nana?" Barbara smiled indulgently at her grandson.
        "If Benton wishes to stay he is very welcome." she assured and Matt grinned eargerly.
        "I'll go with you, Sir." he informed the Mountie pleased. "I can help bring Uncle Ray's things back and if you wouldn't mind we can stop for ice cream, it will make Uncle Ray feel better, like last time."
        "I think that is a commendable idea, Matthew." Fraser agreed. "I would appreciate your assistance and we can purchase the ice cream on the way back."
        "I have my own money, Nana." Matthew informed as his grandmother started to look through her purse, which she had pulled from the RV, after putting the pitcher back on the counter. "I'd like to buy it myself, thank you anyway." Barbara nodded impressed and watched Fraser follow the excited boy and wolf to the GTO. Beth smiled at her mother-in-law.
        "He's something else isn't he?" she sighed glancing back at her son as she settled Abby in her swing.
        "So much like Stanley." Barbara agreed warmly.
 
         Barbara Kowalski glanced over at her youngest son as he slept peacefully on the fold out bed beside her. She shook her head at the events of the previous week as she returned her attention to her knitting. Knit one pearl two. How had she ever ended up with such completely opposite sons? James was the award winning scholar and family man, it was easy to be proud of the life he had made for he and his family and of course as a mother Barbara was proud. She loved Beth and her grandchildren devotedly, it was a family any mother would cherish.
         However, if she were to be completely honest with herself, she had to admit her heart truly belonged to Stanley. They say a parent shouldn't choose favorites, but Barbara had be unable to keep from doing so, from the moment the nurse had placed the squirming boy with a wild tuft of platinum hair and mischievous blue eyes she knew she was helplessly in love with her youngest son.
         Stanley had been difficult to care for, and it seemed the youngest Kowalski had to fight hard for what came so easily to everyone else. But she and Damien had made it through all the illnesses and mishaps that seemed to batter their baby boy, determined that he would live and get the chance to explore that rebellious side they could see lurking beneath his sweet smile. Stanley could charm the birds out of the trees Barbara's sister used to say, but he was so incredibly shy around girls that he had no idea the devastating effect he had on them.
         Until Stella of course, then somehow he found the courage to express himself to the girl that had so easily won his precious heart. Barbara adored Stella, still considered her a daughter, despite her and Stanley's divorce, but again if Barbara was to be totally honest with herself, she would have to admit that she held a good deal of bitterness and anger toward her ex-daughter in law. Stella had hurt Stanley terribly and Barbara, as much as she cared for Stella and could get along with her, would never be able to forgive her for crushing her baby's heart so severely.
         She remembered at Stanley's high school prom, she and Damien had offered to be chaperones, and they had the last dance dedicated to the most important person in your life. The majority of the young men and women selected their accompanying date for the dance, but Stanley had walked over and offered a graceful bow to his mother and a charming smile as he pulled her out onto the dance floor instead of Stella.
          The younger woman didn't seem to mind, offering too dance with Damien and patiently understanding that there would always be just one woman ahead of her in Stanley's heart. Barbara had blushed and fretted but she had been deliriously proud and happy when her son had asked her to dance the last dance with him, as the other couples smiled at them; it was a memory she would always treasure.
         Now Stanley had come close to death twice in just the last week and it was almost more than Barbara could handle. James had told them about Stanley's other citations of bravery and she was so proud of him she could burst. Naturally she worried over him, he was her baby, and she hatted that he chose a career that constantly put him in danger. Yet at the same time she couldn't help praising to her bridge club, neighbors and any who would listen that the streets were a little safer each night because of her Stanley.
         She leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, her darling boy. She wished he could find a little piece of happiness to help remove the frown lines from his face, though she suspected his friendship with the Mountie had done wonders for him and she was grateful to Fraser. Sighing, she returned to her knitting. Knit one pearl two.
 

        Ray awoke about an hour later alone in the mini travel home but he could hear laughter and talking outside. Other than a little dizziness and some quisiness in his stomcah he felt better. He could not believe he had forgotten to ask the doctor about asprin in his medication, he hadn't been that stupid since he was in highschool and he automatically accepted a pill from one of the guys for a headache he had. He wound up in the hospital for three days.
        One of the few times he had briefly woke up, never long enough to really be awake, but enough that he could make out some of what was going on, he had overheard his mother talking about everyone staying and have a camp out, but Ray didn't want to stay, he wanted to go home. He still couldn't believe what he had done to his father. He slowly stepped out of the RV and glanced around. Barbara and Beth were seated drinking iced tea and chatting quietly, while Abby dozed in her swing beside them. James was located next to Ray's  favorite Mountie, who was helping Matthew errect a tent on the lawn that had been cleared of chairs and tables. Fraser glanced up at his friend's approach.
        "Are you feeling better, Ray?" he offered and Ray nodded.
        "Fraser," he began quietly, so only the Mountie's keen ears would pick up his words. "Can you take me home, please Buddy?"
        "Matthew suggested a sleep over, Ray." Fraser explained indicating the two tents. "Your mother wanted to keep an eye on you over night and decided we all should stay."
        "It will be fun, Uncle Ray." Matthew promised. "Me and Dad an' you and Fraser. The girls can sleep inside, it'll be just us men." Ray forced himself not to smirk then suddenly tensed as a voice sounded behind him.
        "Raymond?" Damien inquired suddenly, stepping up to his son hesitantly. Fraser discretely turned back to his task of staking the fence, but he noticed Matthew was watching them carefully, perhaps ready to break in again if the need arose. "I...I never meant ta hit Jimmy, you know dat, never meant ta hit none of you kids."
         "I know dat, Dad." Ray acknowledged as he moved back slightly and closer to the Mountie. He was still weak from the earlier events and he was grateful Fraser remained close.
         "Raymond...why...why not stay awhile?" his father requested in a tone Ray had never heard him use, one of uncertainty and hope. "All dat stuff's done wit now, let's just finish visitin' and..."
         "I...I gotta go, Dad." Ray refused, unable to meet his father's gaze. "Thanks fer...helpin' me earlier. Go visit with James and da kids, Ill be okay now, Fraser will take care a me." Damien Kowalski became angry.
         "Fraser ain't yer family, Godammit!" he exclaimed. "We are."
         "Fraser's my partner and my friend, Dad." Ray insisted firmly as Fraser forced himself not to turn and give Damien Kowalsk a smug look. "He's part of my family, so deal wit it."
         "Uncle Ray!" Matthew cut in. "Please stay? We bought ice cream and Fraser went and brought you some clothes and everything."
        "So, are you gonna stick around or break Matt's little heart, bro?" James asked walking up.
        "Dat's playin' dirty." Ray grumbled, fighting the grin that twitched at his lips. He gave his Father a final hesitant look, then nodded finally. "Yah I'll stay." Damien Kowalski patted his shoulder pleased then wandered off toward his wife.  Ray stared after him wistfully, then jumped startled as James touched his arm to get his attention. Matthew started to giggle.
        "Dad got you, Uncle, Ray." the boy informed, his eyes twinkling merrily and Ray was forced to grin and playfully shoved his brother.
        "Did not." he denied, lowering his eyes shyly.
        "Did too." James whispered close to his ear. There was more in that whisper than just defiance of Ray's comment, there was a plea. Play with me Ray, the voice said. Lets be brother's again, like we used to be. He turned and met his brother's hopeful gaze and could not refuse, despite the doubts he still held.
        "I didn't say you could talk." he shot back and James grinned.
        "Don't have to, I'm older dan you."
        "But I'm prettier'." Ray retorted in a game they had not played since they were both just barely teenagers. James surprised him by tossing an affectionate arm around his shoulders.
        "Only because of that damn hair!" he decided and Ray laughed. James smiled anad moved close to his ear again. "I love you little brother." Ray blinked back the tears that flooded his eyes at the gentle confession, but hid his distress behind sarcasm.
        "You keep whisperin' in my ear an' we're gonna have ta get married, Mum'll really be mad den."
    "Beth might be a tad upset to." James commented laughing and Ray shook his head.
           "Nah, we can share her." James roared with laughter as Ray shook his head and moved away with a shy smile.
        "I don't want to sleep with Fraser." he decided playfully. "He snores!"
        "How could you possibly hear me over the noise you make, Ray?" Fraser retorted easily.
        "It's the...um...the...."
        "Principle of the thing?" Fraser supplied readily and received a glare from the detective.
           "Did I ask you to help?" he demanded. "Is dere some contract I don't remember signin' when I became yer partner dat lets you finish my sentences?"
        "That's just silly, Ray." Fraser returned mildly as he bent to drive the final stake into the ground, anchoring the tent securely.
        "Don't fight!" Matthew suddenly implored and all three men turned to him startled. Ray realized the boy had seen enough arguing this trip and knelt down on one knee before him, placing his hand on Matthew's shoulders.
        "We're not fightin'." he assured gently. "We're just playin', Matt. Fraser an me are partners and best buddies, we always talk like dis, but we don't mean nothin' by it." Matthew wrapped his arms around his uncle in a ferocious hug.
        "I just don't want anymore fighting." he murrmered as Ray held him and James crouched next to them, their gazes met in silent understanding. Enough was enough.
        "No more fighting, Matt." James promised.
        "Not even play fightin', okay?" Ray assured. Matthew nodded slowly and pushed back slightly to see the truth in their eyes. He quickly moved closer to kiss his uncle's cheek, then fled inside the tent before Ray could react. Ray smiled after him fondly, his heart so full of love for the young boy as he wished, not for the first time, for one of his own.
        "Gentlemen?" Fraser offered extending a hand to them both. He used a little more effort to haul James up, the older man was not good at kneeling it seemed and he held back a smile.
        "Thanks Ben." he returned with a sheepish smile, then to Ray. James grinned again and enveloped his little brother in a warm hug, pleased when Ray returned it.
        "Cool, family group hug!" Matthew exclaimed darting out of his tent and throwing his smaller arms around the two men's waists. James chuckled and squeezed his son as Ray grinned and pulled Fraser into the embrace.
        "He said, family hug, Frase." the detective reminded tossing an arm around the Mountie's shoulders, watching James do the same. "Yer part of my family so get in here."
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." Fraser returnd beaming with pleasure, moving his legs slightly so Dief could join in as well. "He wasn't talking to you." he scolded and Ray laughed.

        Later that evening, while James and Matthew roasted marshemellows, and Fraser aided the women in clearing away the supplies from the dinner they all finally managed to eat, Ray sat against a large tree and stared out at over the water of the small pond the Kowalski's had camped beside.
         They used to go up to a lake to fish every other weekend when Ray was little. Boy's day out, just him, Dad and James, their mother would fix them a big picnic lunch of treats to nibble throughout the day. Of course James was always a better fishermen that Ray, who had little patience for sitting quiet and still for such a long length of time. Ray would get frustrated at his older brother's aptitude, hauling in one fish after another, all to the praise of Damien Kowalski.
         Ray shook his head sadly, he never meant to grow up jealous of his older brother, it wasn't Jimmy's fault he was simply better at most things than Ray. Better at schoolwork, better at fishing, better at crafts, definitely better with the ladies. Ray smirked, the only thing Ray had ever found he was better at than James was cars, Jimmy could hardly change a tire, but Ray...well Ray had loved anything automotive and that was what he found to be his trade. If he hadn't have become a cop, Ray imagined he might have been a mechanic, maybe that would have been a career that his father could have approved of, since they both had spent such long hours on the GTO.
         That seemed to become the only thing that he and his father had in common, as Ray grew older. Sure he'd praise Ray's skill on an engine or detailing job of the hull of the vehicle, but it was James' trophies that were displayed for everyone to see when the first entered the Kowalski home. James had his very own photo book of all his accomplishments, automatically shown to all visitors as everyone flooded the older Kowalski with praise. My how fast you must be to win first in track so many years in a row, James. Goodness are all these academic awards yours, Jimmy, you must be genius. Valedictorian of your class James, how simply marvy!
         Ray grunted and skipped another rock across the water. Yes, his brother was an over achiever; he was good at just about everything, which seemed to leave very little for Ray to accel at, even if he had found something. Ray could probably have dealt with James's accomplishments, he would admit to being proud of his sibling, if he didn't have to listen to his father's praises of James over and over until he was so sick of hearing his brother's name he might physically be ill. Dad loved Jimmy, Mum loved Jimmy, and everyone loved Jimmy. Hell, for all Ray knew, Stella really did settle for second best when she married him instead of his older brother.
         He couldn't blame his Father for reciting his son's achievements; he had a right to be proud. Ray felt he had never done anything for his folks to be proud of, so how could he ever expect praise from them? He'd never done anything worth talking about, despite what Fraser has told him before. So he got three lousy bravery citations, big deal. He was just doing his job; he didn't want a stupid award for it. His Father certainly had not been impressed when he had told them of the first one, so why bother telling him anything else?
         Now, he'd lost his temper and screwed up yet again and ruined James visit. God why couldn't he get anything right? First the video store and now...now he looked like the total idiot his father always told him he was. He bit back a sob and tossed another rock. He sucked. His life sucked. Vecchio sucked. He smiled a little, that made him feel slightly better thinking that.
         "Raymond?" a voice behind him inquired and he turned slightly to cast a glance behind him.
         "D...Dad?" he questioned surprised to see his father next to him for the second time that evening, especially after all that had happened, he still couldn't believe that he had lifted the older man off the ground and tossed him like a rag doll against their trailer, after telling James to let it go. Then of course his Father had saved his life by recognizing his allergic reaction. He was too ashamed to even meet his Father's gaze so he looked back out at the water and tossed another rock from the small pile he had gathered beside him.
         "Mind if I sit?" Damien asked and Ray shrugged, refusing to watch as the elder Kowalski carefully positioned himself next to his son in a way that would do the least damage to his aging muscles.
         "I'm sorry, Sir." Ray murmured contritely, thinking that was why his father was here, to receive the apology Ray rightly owed him.
         "Yer brother seems to think I don't know you at all." Damien insisted almost proudly. "But I know you, better than you know yerself I'll bet. You think I never knew it was  the lake you ran off to all those times we had a fight, Raymond?" Ray stared at him in shock, then quickly lowered his eyes.
         "Why didn't you ever come get me den?" he couldn't help asking, for Ray had spent hours and hours on the dock after a bad episode at home, sometimes he even spend the night there. Damien shrugged, selected a rock from his son's pile and tossed watching it skip four times before being claimed by the water below..
         "I figured ya'd come back when yer were ready." He replied calmly. "You never were one to do things da easy way-always had a set to yer mind that ya meant ta keep an' no one could change it 'till yer were willin' ta let them."
         "What about Mum?" Ray asked quietly, aware that both he and his father were now staring ahead and tossing rocks, each lost in their own thoughts.
         "She would send me out after ya." Damien allowed. "I'd drive up dere check ta see ya were doin' okay and go home." He sighed and ran his thumb thoughtfully over the small rock he now held. "Sometimes I'd sit dere in da trees all night until mornin', make sure ya weren't gonna come ta no harm."
         "I...I never knew dat." Ray stammered glancing sideways at him briefly.
         "Ya weren't meant to, Raymond." His father stated gruffly. "Y'see, just because I always let ya do yer own thing, didn't mean I didn't worry about ya son." Ray blinked back the rush of tears and lowered his eyes. "I...I know I been hard on ya, boy, I never meant to, not really. Jimmy's right about me, I couldn't see what I was doin' ta ya by da things I said an...well....I never meant no harm, Son. I...I only wanted ya to try yer best."
         "I know dat Dad." Ray acknowledged quietly. "I'm sorry I never became the kinda son you could be proud of, not like James." For a moment the two men sat in a tense silence, with only distant sounds of the family puttering around a few feet away, breaking the quiet around them. When Damien Kowalski finally spoke, there were tears in his voice that Ray was astounded by.
         "I never said I weren't proud of ya, Boy." His father grumbled frustrated. "I never once said I weren't proud of ya." He turned and reached out a callused hand to caress his son's cheek, lifting Ray's surprised gaze to meet his own sadder one. "Yer my darlin' baby boy, how could I not be proud of ya? I held you in my arms when you were cryin' and rocked ya to sleep. I tended to ya when you were sick, I bronzed yer damn baby boots fer Christsake!" Damien sniffed; wiped at his eyes a moment then reached back and pulled a small shoebox from behind him. "You an' yer brother think I don't care about you, but I'm gonna prove how much I do right now, Stanny."
         Ray swallowed hard, his father hadn't called him that since he was a kid and he was speechless as he watched Damien open the box and begin pulling various objects from it.
         "Dad you don't..." he began half-afraid of what was about to happen between them.
         "Hush, now." His father ordered and Ray shut his mouth. "Dis here's a cast of yer hand when you was five, brought it home from kindergarten yer first week." He chuckled. "Yer teachers said dey also had casts of yer nose, lips, hair, toes and behind because ya wouldn't stay outta da clay." Ray bit his lip shyly, and lowered his eyes away from the ornament. "Dis is hair from yer very first hair cut, Raymond. Yer Mum thought I was a fool fer keepin' it, but after all a man only has one first hair cut."
         He pulled out a black and white crinkled photo of the pair of them when Ray was thirteen, beside the GTO when they had first brought it home. He and his father were grinning like fools beside the beat up, rusted classic that would become the car they both cherished and Ray eventually was given. Ray took the photo as Damien handed it to him, staring at it as memories of that summer flooded his mind. He'd almost forgotten how good that year had been he'd also met Stella the woman of his dreams that summer. Regardless of how things had turned out, he would always remember how wonderful that had been and their time together.
         "Dis here's da Father's day card ya made me when ya were eight." Damien continued handing Ray the well worn piece of construction paper that had a picture of a father and son hand and hand on the front and a small poem about Fathers inside.
         "I traced it." Ray confided sadly. "And Mum wrote the words."
         "I know dat." Damien chuckled, surprising Ray yet again. "You never could draw worth a damn, and yer brain was never good wit rhyming."
         Ray could have taken the comment as a criticism, which would have been par for the course form his father, but instead, he just took it in the context in which it was meant, the truth. Ray had never been very creatively inclined; his father was just acknowledging that, not necessarily putting him down for it. Ray realized for the first time, that perhaps he had been too hard on his father.  Although Damien had pitted him and James against each other, all the comments he had made may not have been just a way of judging Ray as the lesser son, but of admitting he knew his Ray's limitations and he was okay with it.
         "Dad?" he questioned hesitantly. "I...I know you wanted me to go to school and...and be like James, but I would have just been a bigger disappointment to you in the end, you know dat right? Dat's why I quit, I...I couldn't live with taking your hard earned money and turning it into more disappointment in me." His father released a heavy breath and shook his head, causing Ray to think he had just made another mistake.
         "Raymond, why did you become a cop?" Damien asked, completely throwing Ray off track by the question.
         "Huh?"
         "Did you do it just ta cause me grief, or to make yer mother worry?"
         "What?" Ray exclaimed surprised. "No! Dad, no, of course not. I...I never meant fer you guys to be so upset, it...it was just somethin' I wanted to do, somethin' I thought I could be good at, since I bombed at everything else."
         "Are you den?" Damien demanded.
         "Am I what?"
         "Are you a good cop?"
         "I..." Ray stammered, unsure how to answer.
          Somehow he felt his response was extremely important to his Father and his relationship, though he didn't see how. Fraser had sung his praises and the Mountie wouldn't lie to him, he'd had a lot of the people he helped thank him, whether he felt he deserved it or not. Even Stella never said he was anything but great at his job, despite their other disagreements, but did he think he was a good cop? Hell, no, Ray didn't think he was much good at anything, especially when he lost to the system, but something in the way his Father was watching him made him change his answer.
         "Yes." He finally replied. "I...I am a good cop, I'm good at what I do and...and I really like helpin' people Dad. It...it gives me a..."
         "Purpose?" Damien supplied quietly and Ray nodded.
         "Yah, a purpose. It's...it's not just what I do, Dad it's part of who I am now and I can't change it, can't stop being a cop, not even fer you and Mum."
         "You proud of the work you do, Son?"
         "I...yah, I guess I am, proud of the work we all do, not just me but other cops too." Ray ran his hand through his hair and stared out at the darkening sky. "I...there are times I hate it too. Sometimes da things I see turn my stomach and all I can think is how unfair life can be, but every now and then we score one for the good guys Dad and dat more than makes up fer all da bad days." For a long time Damien remained silent as he stared down at the contents of his little box of momentos.
         "Raymond, I worked hard so you kids would have a better life dan me and yer mother." He said finally. "Don't misunderstand now, I wouldn't trade the years with yer Mum and da family fer anything, but a man's got a right to expect an easier life fer his boys den what he had. James, he done us all proud, but he was always so damned smart I...he made yer old man feel pretty stupid at times."
         "Dad, yer not..." Ray protested and Damien raised his hands to cut him off.
         "I didn't have much schoolin' Raymond, I dropped out in high school and I always regretted it." He admitted. "I...I guess dat's why I was so upset when you dropped outta college, I didn't want you to end up another dump Polock like yer old man."
         "Dad, dere's nothing wrong with being like you, you did great by us kids, even when times were hard." Ray reminded. "At least you managed to stay married and have a family, I couldn't even do dat right."
         "Stella is a fool, Son." Damien decided firmly, again surprising his Ray.
         "I thought you liked Stella." He protested.
         "I like her fine, love her even." Damien confirmed. "But she was never da one fer you, Son. You couldn't see dat but da rest of us could."
         "I know." Ray sighed. "I was never good enough."
         "No Son." Damien interceded, placing a gentle hand on Ray's shoulder. "She was never good enough fer you." Ray cast him a look of disbelief. "She was, too uppity and high class. She only ever thought about herself. You need you a gal dat's down to earth, honest and ready fer all da love you can give her, not some society dame with only her looks goin' fer her."
         "Dad, Stella is plenty smart." Ray protested automatically. "She went to law school and..."
         "So what?" Damien sniffed. "But can she cook? No. Can she fish? No. Does she know the fender from the tire on a car? No. You need you a gal dat's more complementary of yer talents, son. Like dat little brunette in yer office."
         "Frannie!" Ray croaked in shock. "I can't date Frannie, Dad, she's supposed ta be my sister! I'm undercover as her brother remember? Besides she's hot fer Fraser."
         "So, change her mind, but be discrete son." Damien returned. "Don't require a lot of plannin' just ta play hide da salami a few times a week."
         "Dad!"
         "Well, it don't!"
         "I do not want to discuss my sex life wit you!" Ray rose, almost stumbling to his feet, as Damien stood as well.
         "For God sake Raymond, what do you think me and yer mother have been doin' fer the past..."
         "Eeewww!" Ray exclaimed and covered his ears turning away. "Dat is disgusting! I definitely do not want to hear about you and Mum doin... doin...dat!"
         "How da hell you think you and yer brother were made if not fer...dat?" Damien chuckled and Ray shook his head.
         "I just don't wanna hear da details okay!" Ray couldn't help grinning at the absurdly of the conversation. Suddenly he sobered. "Is Mum still pretty pissed at me?"
         "Mum's pissed at all of us, Son." Damien replied. "She got a right ta be, but she'll settle down, she always does."
          They stood there in silence for a moment, Damien staring out at the water and Ray with his hands in his pockets and shuffling his feet. Finally Damien offered his hand to Ray much like the day he and Barbara had returned to Chicago with the GTO for their son. Ray stared at it for a moment, then put his hand forward and folded it around his Father's. Unlike the first one, there was no uncomfortable shifting at the contact, instead Damien Kowalski gave a gentle tug and pulled his son into his arms.
         "I love you Raymond." He whispered softly and Ray fought the tears that flooded his eyes in that instant as he hugged his father for the first time in years.
         "I love you too Dad." He croaked emotionally as his Father squeezed him closer.
         James Kowalski stood a short distance away and watched the pair embrace. He wiped a tear from his cheek and smiled. It was a beginning.

        "Mum?" Ray approached his Mother seated in the lawn chair knitting, Beth and James were putting Abby to bed and Fraser was giving Matthew an astrology lesson, using the darkened and twinkling sky above as their reference guide.
        "Yes, my darling?" Barbara returned glancing up at her son, even as he knelt beside her.
        "I'm sorry fer...fer..."
        "Being so much like yer father?" suggested smirking and Ray blinked surprised.
        "I'm not..." he began to protest.
        "Oh yes you are, Stanley." she determined. "Yer two peas from the same pod, both of you." Ray didn't know why, but the idea that he was like his father somehow pleased him. He lay his head in Barbara's lap and she automatically put her knitting aside and dropped her hands to caress him.
        "I'm still sorry."
        "I know love." she murmered softly. "You're always sorry, Stanley, it's time to stop being sorry and just start accepting things as they are."
        "Yes ma'am." he agreed quietly, pulling his legs out from under him slightly, so he was seated directly on the ground, though his head never moved from her touch. "I love you Mum."
        "Show me." she replied and he raised his eyes to meet hers.
        "How?"
        "Forget Stella."
        "I...I thought you liked Stella?" he protested confused. What was this first his father and now his Mother, he was sure she'd champion Stella if anyone did, thy always got on so well.
        "I love Stella, sweetheart." Barbara admitted.  "But you and she just aren't meant to be. You need to move on, find you a nice lady friend, get married and give me some grandchildren."
        "You have two grandchildren, Mum." he reminded.
        "I want your children around me as well, Stanley." she insisted gently. "I want to see you being a father to some of your own. You'll make a wonderful Father, some day."
        "Yah, I just suck as a husband." Ray muttered and received a smack on his head for the remark.
        "Stop putting yerself down, Stanley." she ordered, moving to caress the spot she had just slapped. "You were a wonderful husband to Stella, she just couldn't deal with your affection, honey. She thought you were suffocating her, which is simply ridiculous if you ask me."
        "I can't love anyone but Stella, Mum." Ray declared regretfully. "We're soul mates, like you and Dad. "We're meant to be, I...I just screwed it up!"
        "Stanley." Barbara said lifting her son's head so he would meet her gaze. "Your father and I were never soul mates. That's a bunch of poppy cock and if you are trying to base yers and Stella's marriage on ours you are wasting yer time."
        "But you guys have been together forever! You love each other and...."
        "Stanley, I do love yer father, of course I do. He's half responsible for you and yer brother, so that alone is reason enough to love him." Barbara insisted. "But it wasn't destiny or kismet, we weren't fated to meet, it was a misunderstanding."
        "I...I don't understand." Ray stammered confused.
        "I was going to elope with a man named Harry Thomas, an American GI that had been stationed in the town where I grew up. He was charming and debonair and swept me off my feet. He wanted me to meet him at the docking ports, had arranged for us to catch a steamer to America and get married there." She sighed. " But he never showed and I learned later that he was also already married and had two children. He left me standing on the ship that was sailing to America, waiting for hours. I learned that he had left on a ship right before the one I was to meet him on."
        "Oh, Mum." Ray murmured sadly.
        "I had turned my back on my family to go away with him, they had not wanted me to marry an American. So, there I was on a ship sailing to America, with only a little bit of money in my pocket and no husband to support me when I reached the new country. I met your father on that ship. He was going to America to find work and he could not see the point in going alone and leaving me to fend for myself. The captain of the ship married us then and there, we had known each other for only twenty four hours by that time."
        "But it worked out." Ray returned. "You're still together."
        "Yes, it worked out, darling, but not because we were fated to be together. We work hard in our marriage and some times people simply don't want that heavy a burden."
         "But I really tried wit Stella Mum." Ray insisted. "I tried to do everything she wanted me to, tried to change to be who she wanted me to be and give her all she asked for. I didn't mind the fights or the arguments on occasion, as long as we were together."
        "Stanley, didn't you just listen to what you said?" his mother asked. "You tried to change, you gave her what she wanted, you didn't mind the fights. What did Stella do to save your marriage? Nothing, she blamed you for everything that went wrong but she was not willing to compromise anything on her own behalf. No one can live totally for another person and that is what you always tried to do with her, trying to please her and give up all of who you are to do it."
        "But dat's marriage, Mum. Sacrifice for the other, love one another. Isn't dat how it should be?"
        "No my darling, marriage should be a compromise between two people with a willingness to change or adapt from both partners. Stella never wanted to change and she couldn't adapt to not having her way all the time. You spoiled her Stanley and then she felt guilty for letting you and tried to explain away your love by saying you were smothering her."
        "I'll never love anyone like Stella, Mum." Ray confirmed and Barbara nodded.
        "I know, but you might learn to love another just as much if you allow yourself to try, my darling." Ray sighed as Fraser and James came up to them.
        "Ready for a game of football, bro?" James asked hopefully and Ray only hesitated for a moment as he lifted his head to look at his mother who smiled encouragingly. It would take him time to adjust to this new relationship he seemed to be having with his family, and there was a chance that it wouldn't last once James left, but for now Ray decided he would enjoy it.
        "Yer on!" He confirmed and went to make some new memories with his brother and partner, ones he would surely cherish for a long time to come.
 

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