Well last night I was bored and I wrote two entire stories (well short ones) and started the next one in this series (the CAT series). This one is the Epilogue to *CAT - The Epic* which I believe is on the archives (*in* the archives?) as "Cat". I think in order to understand the, er, mentality, behind this story you should read that one as well, because I don't exaclt summerize anything here, it's..well just read it and you'll understand :)
DISCLAIMERS::
ok, disclaimers... All characters from Due South belong to Alliance,
those that aren't in Due South belong to me (like Cat :)). I promise
I will play nice, not hurt any one and put them all back when I'm done
(at this rate could be the year 2000
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Catherine Healy
chealy@PO-Box.McGill.CA
October 20, 1996
Dear Fraser,
By the time you read this, I will be long gone.
I seriously thought about starting this letter 'Dear John', but after
some thought I decided against it. Actually I put a lot of thought into
this entire letter. I thought all morning about what I wanted to say
and tried to find the right words to express what I felt.
For some reason I feel like I owe you an explanation for why I am leaving,
even though normally I wouldn't even care.
But you make me care.
I would like you to know that you have done nothing wrong, except maybe
just being possibly the nicest person in the universe. And this is wrong
because I find myself letting my guard down around you. I know you know
how much I still hurt after the loss of my family, and I have not felt
safe with, trusted or depended on any one since that loss. Not for three
years.
Not until I met you.
For some reason, Fraser, I feel some sort of connection with you. A
part of me wanted to let you in and trust you. I know that if anyone
could be trusted it would be you.
But I can't.
My leaving has nothing to do with the fact that you called my Uncle,
because I know that you were only trying to help me out and that to you
this was the best way. But you didn't make me go with him, and you protected
me after he hit me, and I thank you for that.
I am leaving because I cannot let myself feel for anyone what I felt
for my family. Because every time I let myself love or care for some
one I have been badly hurt. And, Fraser, I cannot go through the pain
of losing anyone I care about again.
I just can't.
So, rather than sticking around and letting myself trust you and being
to feel safe around you and letting you help me, I have to leave. And
I ask you with all my soul to please do not try to come after me. I
know this is best for everyone. Think seriously about this for a moment,
you can't go on living with a teenager in your apartment. I would only
get in the way, and you might just end up hating me.
I couldn't take it if you hated me, Fraser.
I have no idea where I will go, or where I will end up. But I will be
okay, Fraser.
I *promise* you.
Please tell Dief I am sorry to leave without saying good bye. I left
him a jelly filled donut in the fridge - cherry - his favorite. I know
Ray will probably be happy that I finally left, but don't let him say
'I told you so', because he doesn't know all the reasons why I am leaving.
Try not to work too hard, *Dudley*. You know, they say that sleep is
helpful to your body these days. Perhaps you should think about trying
that some time? :) Take good care of Dief and yourself. Thanks for giving
me a little bit of brightness in my otherwise dark and gloomy life.
You truly are a great man....
A great *friend*.
Cat
(Catherine)
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Benton Fraser rubbed his eyes with the palm of his right hand. He looked
down at Dief who was resting his little wolf head on the Mountie's leg.
Shutting his red and swollen eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath
Fraser thought out loud, "I really don't think there is anything I can
do." His voice was thick and low.
*Whine*
"Nothing *we* can do, Diefenbaker."
Fraser stood up and walked slowly over to his father's old wooden trunk.
He crouched down opened it. Pausing for a moment he then folded the
letter in his hands and placed it carefully between the pages of one
of his father's old journals. He just stared absently at nothing for
a long while before letting his head drop in despair. He pressed both
his palms against his eyes then ran his fingers through his hair at the
same time letting out a deep breath.
The Mountie stood up and closed the wooden chest in one swift fluid motion
the headed over to his bed. Sitting down he spoke out loud to no one
is particular, "It's best we just sleep this off. We'll be able to think
more clearly in the morning."
He blew out the flame in the old lantern next to his bed and was left
in darkness.
FIN
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CAT - EPILOGUE