Author's webpage: http://victoria.tc.ca/~wy236/fic.html

<PRE>

For The First Time

Benton Fraser was at the 27th Precinct visiting his friends, Detectives Ray Vecchio and Stanley "Ray" Kowalski, when Lt. Harding Welsh called him in to his office.

"Constable," said the Lieutenant, "I understand there is to be a joint Canada - U.S. conference on law enforcement next week,in Winnipeg."

"Yes, sir," replied the Mountie. "It is about how Canadian and American police can work together when offenders commit crimes on both sides of the border."

"I would like both you and Detective Vecchio to attend this conference," said Welsh. "I already spoke to your Inspector and he agreed."

Fraser's previous commanding officer at the Canadian Consulate, Inspector Meg Thatcher, had accepted a position with the Canadian Security Intelligence Service at the same time Fraser had taken a leave of absence from the Consulate to go on an "adventure" with Ray Kowalski. Fraser and Kowalski had returned to Chicago, but Thatcher had not, and Fraser had a new superior.

"Certainly I would be happy to attend, sir," replied Fraser. "But why Detective Vecchio? Winnipeg is quite cold at this time of year. Detective Kowalski is more accustomed to the climate."

Fraser had been happy that Ray Vecchio had returned to his old job in Chicago after a temporary 'relocation' to Florida. However, he had sensed a distance between himself and his Italian friend since his return from Canada.

"Because, Constable, there is a seniority list when it comes to sending detectives to conferences. Most of them are eager to spend a few days out of the city, away from chasing bad guys. It happens to be Detective Vecchio's turn. Though I admit, he doesn't know yet that he's going to Manitoba."

Fraser tried to imagine his friend, who hated cold weather, standing on the corner of Portage and Main, known as the "Coldest Corner in Canada." He knew, of course, that the Arctic was colder, but Ray wouldn't know the difference. He'd just know it was cold. Still, they'd be spending most of their time indoors, and this was a chance to spend some time with Ray. He hadn't had much of a chance to do that lately. Ray hadn't been back from his undercover assignment for more than a few days before he had been shot, spent time in the hospital, then taken off to Florida with Assistant States' Attorney Stella Kowalski. Fraser had been in Canada, first chasing his mother's killer, Holloway Muldoon, then searching for the Franklin expedition with Kowalski. Now they were all back in Chicago but Ray Vecchio had been spending most of his time at home with his family.

Ray and Benny had seen each other a few times since Ray's return, but Vecchio had seemed uncomfortable around the Mountie. Ben spent most of his time with Ray Kowalski. Vecchio and Kowalski did not get along. Sometimes Ben wondered if the two Rays were jealous of each other. Fraser and Kowalski had been lovers for a short time while they were up North, but had come to the mutual realization that a relationship of that kind was not for them. Fortunately, they had been able to remain friends. After ending their search for Franklin's hand, the two men had spent some time in Inuvik with Ben's half-sister, Maggie Mackenzie. There was definitely some 'chemistry' between Ray Kowalski and Maggie, and the two were carrying on a long-distance romance.

"Winnipeg?" exclaimed Vecchio when the Lieutenant told him of the conference. "Where the hell is Winnipeg?"

"It's the capital of Manitoba, Ray," answered Fraser.

"What's a 'Manitoba' ?" asked the detective.

Fraser frowned. Surely Ray wasn't completely ignorant of Canadian geography. "It's a Canadian province," he replied.

"You're sending me to Canada in the middle of winter?" Ray asked Welsh.

"The conference does take place indoors, Ray," Benny pointed out.

Ray sighed. He was outnumbered. He had asked to be placed on the list of detectives willing to attend conferences, and not all conferences took place in Florida. Not that he wanted to go back to Florida any time soon. There were too many bad memories there. He'd wanted things to work with Stella, he really had, but they both knew that their relationship was a mistake almost from the start. Ray was a cop, and he couldn't stop being a cop. Stella had already been through a failed marriage with a cop. And Ray had hated to be so far away from his family and friends. And he'd missed Benny. Somehow, though, when he got back from Florida and Benny had come back from Canada, he'd realized things had changed between the two of them. Maybe it was because he'd left his friend without telling him he was going undercover, and then left again to move to Florida with Stella. Maybe it was because he'd taken another bullet for Fraser. Or maybe it was because he was jealous of Benny's relationship with Stanley Kowalski, whom the Mountie called "Ray." He wondered if Kowalski called Fraser "Benny."

"Let's hope the plane doesn't crash this time, Benny," Vecchio muttered.

Ironically, it was Ray Kowalski who drove them to the airport. The blonde man was cheerful, chattering to Fraser about his latest letter from Maggie. He ignored Vecchio for the most part, which was fine with him. When their flight was announced, Kowalski hugged the Mountie and told him to have a good time.

"I'm not going in order to have a good time, Ray," Ben said with a smile. "This conference is for learning and sharing information, not for having fun."

"Yeah, but I know you, just bein' in Canada counts as a good time for ya," laughed Ray Kowalski. "Hey, Vecchio, try to keep Fraser out of trouble, will ya?"

Ray Vecchio glared at the other detective. "Did you ever keep him out of trouble, Stanley?" he asked sarcastically. "I seem to recall something about Frasier getting beaten up by Warfield's goons because you weren't around." Vecchio could hardly believe that Benny had hugged Kowalski. Benny seldom hugged people, except Ray's Ma. He couldn't even recall ever having hugged his partner himself, except with an arm around his shoulders, never a real 'bear hug.'

"Ray," said Fraser, putting his hand on Vecchio's shoulder and steering him to the departure gate, "that was uncalled for. My encounter with those men was not at all Ray's fault, any more than it was your fault the time that Zuko's men beat me in the bus station."

"At least I didn't shoot him," Kowalski said as the two men headed to their plane. Ben tightened his grip on Vecchio's shoulder to keep the Italian from turning back. "That wasn't your fault either, Ray," he said.

Fraser wished his two friends would get along, but he was beginning to believe it was hopeless. He wished that Kowalski hadn't brought up the shooting. Benny knew that Ray blamed himself for having shot him, and no matter how many times he tried to reassure him that he didn't blame him for it, he knew his friend would always feel guilty. He wondered if that was why Ray had taken another bullet for him when they were chasing Muldoon.

As their flight took off, Ray turned to Benny. "Benny," he said, "are you sleeping with Kowalski?"

Startled, Ben answered, "That is really none of your business, Ray."

Ray shrugged, pretending not to care. Somehow, though, he figured that if Benny refused to answer, it meant that he *was* sleeping with Kowalski. "Of course," he said. "Just wondered. You and Stanley are pretty tight."

"Ray is my friend," Benny replied. "Just like you're my friend."

//There he goes, calling the other guy 'Ray' again. His name is Stanley. My name is Ray.//

"I guess you had to pretend to be pals with him when he was pretending to be me," Ray commented.

"Yes, I did at first, but Ray and I did become true friends. I didn't have to pretend for very long."

"Why do you call him 'Ray' when his name is Stanley?"

"Because Ray is his middle name, and it is what he prefers to be called," replied Ben.

//Boy, Kowalski got everything, didn't he? My job, my family, my name, my best friend. What did I get? Stella and a bowling alley.//

"Ray, is everything all right?"

"Of course everything's all right, Benny. Why are you asking?"

"I haven't seen you very much since I came back from Canada. You've seemed a bit distant. Perhaps I'm seeing things that aren't there."

"I've been busy, Frasier. I didn't get to see my family for over a year, and I'm trying to make up for it. Not to mention that I'm still getting used to being a cop again, instead of the Bookman. Besides, you're always with Stanley."

Fraser opened his mouth to argue, but reconsidered. The subject of Ray Kowalski seemed to be a sore spot with Ray Vecchio, and Ben didn't want to argue. "I understand, Ray. I know you missed your family when you were away."

"I missed you too, Benny," said Ray softly.

"And I missed you, Ray," replied Ben.

//Yeah, sure you did, Benny. You were running around with Stanley all the time I was away. // Ray wished he could suppress the jealousy he felt whenever Stanley Kowalski was around, or even when Benny mentioned his name. He hated the way he felt. He had long assumed Benny to be heterosexual, but the way the Mountie acted around Kowalski made him change his mind. He had repressed his own feelings of attraction for his friend, and now that he had a reason to believe Benny could be gay or at least bisexual, Benny already had a lover.

Fraser wished that he knew what was causing the wall between himself and Ray. But Ray was denying that anything was wrong. The only clue he had was Ray's anger whenever Ray Kowalski was mentioned. Perhaps it was something to do with Stella Kowalski, Ray's ex-wife? Perhaps she had broken off her relationship with Ray Vecchio because she still had feelings for her ex-husband?

"Ray," said Fraser cautiously, "you never told me what happened between you and Stella. Why did you and she break up?"

Ray shrugged. "We had different goals. I wanted to keep being a cop, not run a bowling alley. She didn't want to be married to a cop. I wanted to live closer to my family, and Stella wanted to live in Florida. I thought I might want to have kids one day, and Stella doesn't like kids. That's all."

Fraser nodded but didn't say anything. //Ray wants to have children// he thought to himself. //He wouldn't want to be part of a same sex relationship, then. Two men can't have children.// That was part of the reason that his relationship with Ray Kowalski hadn't succeeded. Kowalski wanted to be a father.

"I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you, Ray," Benny finally said.

Ray smiled. "Don't be, Benny. I'm a lot happier in Chicago than I would've been in Florida with Stella. Even though I liked the weather there. A lot."

"I'm afraid you won't like the weather in Winnipeg. It gets very cold there in February."

"I'll survive," replied Ray. //As long as I'm with you, Benny.//

They finally arrived in Winnipeg - "Winterpeg" as it had been nicknamed - and a car was waiting to pick them up. They were soon occupied with details of registering, getting a schedule of lectures and workshops to attend, and finding their rooms. Benny was disappointed that he and Ray were booked in to separate hotel rooms, but he supposed that was to be expected. He and Ray weren't a couple, no matter how much Ben wished they were. He loved Ray, but if Ray loved him it was in a strictly platonic fashion. Friends, buddies, partners - yes. Lovers, no.

There was a social taking place in the hotel ballroom for the conference participants. Fraser changed in to his uniform - the brown one, not the red serge - and he and Ray headed downstairs. Benton was surprised and pleased to discover that he was welcomed as an equal by the other Mounties - not that long ago he hadn't been popular in the RCMP. But apparently his role in stopping Muldoon and his fellow terrorists had raised his stature. For his part, Ray was happy to discover some old friends at the
conference. Then he laid eyes on one person he had *not* expected to see. "Agent Chapin," he said politely to the woman approaching him. "Long time no see. What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Detective," smiled Agent Suzanne Chapin. "Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms is participating in a panel discussion of tobacco smuggling across the border. Cigarettes are heavily taxed in Canada, and smuggling is a popular activity in border communities. But let's not talk shop. How have you been?"

"I've been okay," Ray said with a smile. "I was undercover for a year with the Lagostini family. When I got back I was thrown right in to a case involving some terrorists smuggling nuclear weapons in to Canada."

"The Muldoon/Bolt case," said Chapin. "I heard about that one."

"Well, I got shot while we were pursuing Muldoon, so I had to stay behind while my - " he hesitated slightly, "while my former partner and his new partner went up to Canada."

"Your partner? You mean the Mountie?" asked Agent Chapin.

"Yeah, the Mountie. Turns out Muldoon killed his mother, years ago, in Canada." Ray decided to change the subject. "So, you hit anyone over the head recently?"

Fraser, meanwhile, had decided to look for his friend and tell him that he was planning to go up to bed. Then he saw who Ray was talking to, and his heart skipped a few beats. //Suzanne Chapin// he said to himself. //Is he still in love with her?// Ray had had a very brief but intense infatuation with Special Agent Chapin while working on a case involving some stolen automatic weapons. Chapin had been undercover on the same case, and had, over the course of two days, both kissed Ray and tried to kill him, several times. Heart pounding, Fraser approached.

"Oh, Benny, there you are. Do you remember Special Agent Suzanne Chapin, Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms? Suzanne, this is Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP."

"Nice to see you again, Constable," said Chapin pleasantly, though she was irritated by the interruption.

"You, too, Agent Chapin, " said Benny politely. "Ray, I am heading up to my room. I'm tired and I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning." He nodded poitely at Suzanne. "It was nice to see you again, Ms Chapin."

"I'll join you soon, Benny," Ray said, not realizing what his words sounded like.

//Oh shit, he and the Mountie are lovers!// thought Suzanne to herself. //I didn't think he was gay before. But it's so obvious how he feels about Fraser. Don't know how I missed it last time.//

"Well, it was nice seeing you again, Detective Vecchio," Suzanne said dismissively. "I see some of my colleagues over there. They'll be expecting me to join them. See you around." And she left.

Ray stared after Chapin in confusion. //What just happened?// he wondered. //Women. I will never understand women.// He headed up to his room. As he passed Benny's door, he paused. //No, you are not going to go in there// he told himself. //Benny would never cheat on a lover. He's in love with Kowalski. You lost. It's too late to change that.// He went into his own room and fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next day was full of conferences, meetings, workshops. All of which Ray found extremely dull, but which Fraser seemed to enjoy. He did admit that there was a lot he hadn't known about illegal activities going on along the border, everything from smuggling cigarettes to smuggling humans. Illegal aliens found it easier to enter the US from Canada than from any other country. And there was also increased attention to possible terrorist activity, especially after an Algerian had been stopped with a car full of explosives after getting off a ferry from Canada.

That night there was a formal banquet and another reception. This time Fraser did wear the red serge. Ray decided to try to find Suzanne Chapin again. While he was looking for her, he saw another familiar face. So, apparently, did Benny. The Mountie paled slightly. "Hello, Fraser," said Meg Thatcher.

"Hello, uh, Inspector - um, I mean, sir, I mean - "

"At ease, Constable! You don't work for me anymore," Thatcher laughed.

Fraser swallowed. "It's good to see you, sir. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Fraser. How have you been?"

"Fine. How is your job at CSIS?"

"Dull as ditchwater. But at least I'm not losing any files at hockey games," Meg said, referring to a recent incident in which a CSIS agent had left some files in her car while attending a hockey game, only to have them stolen along with her car. "Is your partner here as well?"

"Detective Vecchio is over there," replied Ben, nodding toward Ray.

Thatcher frowned. "What about the other one, the blonde?"

"Detective Kowalski is in Chicago," said Fraser.

"In that case..." murmured Meg. She put her arms around Fraser's neck and kissed him.

Ray saw the Dragon Lady kiss Benny. He turned and ran out of the ball room.

Ben disentangled himself from his former boss. "Excuse me," he said, and took off after Ray.

He found his partner around back of the hotel, sitting on the loading dock. "Ray," he said softly. Ray didn't look up.

"Ray," he said again, this time more loudly. "Ray!"

"Go away, Benny. Go back to the Dragon lady."

"What's wrong, Ray?"

"What's wrong?" Ray laughed humourlessly. "Nothing's wrong. If you're going to screw the Dragon Lady, that's none of my business. Even if you're screwing around on Stanley. But I didn't think you were that kind of guy, to cheat on your lover."

"Ray, first of all, Meg Thatcher kissed me. I didn't invite it, I didn't want it. She is obviously intoxicated. Second, I don't plan on "screwing" her. And Ray Kowalski and I are not lovers."

Ray cocked his head and looked at Benny. "You're not? You sure looked awfully close for two guys who are just friends."

"He and I were lovers for a short time when we were in Canada. We came together out of loneliness, need, call it what you will. But we both realized that we were not meant to be together in that way. We care about each other, and always will. I love him - as a friend. Why is my relationship with Ray Kowalski so important to you?"

"I care about you, Benny. When you're with someone I worry that they're going to hurt you like Victoria did. You're my partner, my best friend, my brother. And when I see you with someone who isn't right for you - it hurts. And with Kowalski - I admit it, I was jealous. When I came back and found that he was your partner, it was like you'd forgotten all about me."

Ben put his arm around Ray's shoulders. "Ray, listen to me. I am going to say this once, and then you need never hear it again if you don't want to. I love you, Ray."

With a sob, Ray threw his arms around Benny and pulled him close. He held on to him like that for a few moments, then kissed his love, gently at first, then more demandingly.

They were interrupted by a sarcastic voice. "Well, isn't that cozy. What have we here? A cop and a Mountie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

Benny and Ray turned to see a heavily armed man watching them. "Who the hell are you?" asked Ray.

"Name's Eugene Bolt. You're acquainted with some other members of my family."

"You must have a very large family," commented Fraser.

"That I do, Constable." He glanced at the name tag on Fraser's uniform. "Fraser! I hit the jackpot! I have Constable Fraser!"

Ray stepped in front of his partner. "What do you want?" he asked.

"Oh, I'll tell your government what I want, cop. In the meantime, I want you and your boyfriend to go back in to the ballroom with all the other good little boys and girls that my men are holding."

Ray and Fraser stood and put their arms out in front of them, then walked back to the ballroom with Bolt's gun at their backs. Ray turned so that his partner could see his face. 'I love you, Benny,' he mouthed.

'I love you, Ray,' Benny responded silently.

Ray and Fraser were escorted into the ballroom, which was surrounded by more armed men. "How could this happen?" Ray asked his partner. "How could a room full of cops be taken hostage?"

"Perhaps because they are cops, they were not anticipating any trouble," suggested Ben. "No one expects criminals to attack a hotel full of police officers and federal agents. We may have been too complacent."

"And because this is Canada, nobody's carrying a gun," moaned Ray.

"Police do carry guns in Canada, Ray, but we don't usually carry them when we go to dinner."

"Yeah, well, in America we carry guns all the time," muttered Ray.

"Are you carrying one right now, Ray?" asked Benny.

"No, I had to give up my gun when I crossed the border."

"Ray, I'm surprised. I thought you always carried at least one weapon with you, even when you crossed the border."

"Yeah, well, the border guards are getting more paranoid every day, what with Algerian terrorists and everything. No way I could get a gun past them."

Bolt motioned for them to sit at a table, and the two complied. Ray reached for Fraser's hand and held it tightly. Benny smiled. "Don't worry, Ray, I'm not going anywhere. Not without you."

Ray surveyed the guards that stood at every corner of the room. Then he turned to his partner. "Benny, look. There's an unguarded fire door over there. Think we can get to it?"

Fraser thought for a moment. Then he broke out in a grin. "I have an idea, Ray. But it's going to mean doing something you may find embarrassing."

"Benny, I'll do anything if it means getting out of this mess in one piece."

"Very well, Ray," said Fraser. He called to Bolt. "Mister Bolt, would you come here, please?"

"Yeah, what do you want?" grumbled Bolt.

"I want to dance with my partner," said Fraser.

"You want to *what* ?" asked Bolt and Ray at the same time.

"I want to dance with Ray. I assume that you are planning to kill us; before I die, I want to have one chance to dance with the man that I love."

"Benny, you know I love you, but I don't think this is the time for sentimental gestures," said Ray.

"Oh, but I have been *planning* this for some time," stated the Mountie, emphasizing the word plan.

Bolt laughed. "Sure, go ahead, dance with your boyfriend. There's a jukebox over there and everything. Hey fellas," the terrorist shouted to his comrades, "the Mountie and his lover are gonna put on a little show for us!"

Fraser rose and went to the jukebox. Pulling a loonie from his pocket, he selected a song, then returned to his partner's side. "May I have this dance, Ray?" he asked.

"Sure, Benny," answered Ray with a smile. "Who leads?"

"I will, if you don't mind," replied Ben. "I assume you know how to waltz?"

"P.E. class, Benny, remember?"

"Of course," said Benny, leading Ray into the waltz as the music began.

The title of the song was "For The First Time."

Are those your eyes?
Is that your smile?
I've been looking at you forever
But I never saw you before
Are these your hands
Holding mine?
Now I wonder how I could have been so blind For the first time
I am looking in your eyes
For the first time
I've seen who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're looking back at me
Now I understand what love is
Love is
For the first time
Can this be real?
Can this be true?
Am I the person I was this morning?
And are you the same you?
It's all so strange
How can it be?
All along this love was right in front of me For the first time
I am looking in your eyes
For the first time
I've seen who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're looking back at me
Now I understand what love is
Love is
For the first time
Such a long time ago
I had given up on finding some emotion Ever again
But you're here with me now
Yes, I found you somehow
And I've never been so sure
And for the first time
I am looking in your eyes
For the first time
I've seen who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're looking back at me
Now I understand what love is
Love is
For the first time

As the song went on, Fraser carefully led Ray toward the fire door. When it ended, he whispered, "Now!" and before anyone could stop them, they dove through and were running down the stairs. The fire alarm was started automatically by the door's opening.

"GET THEM!" screamed Bolt when he saw the Mountie and the detective escape through the fire door. But the other terrorists were occupied by the police and agents of the US and Canadian governments who took advantage of the distraction to overpower their assailants. Soon all of the gunmen were disarmed save Bolt, who took off himself when he saw what was happening. Unfortunately he chose the same door that Ben and Ray had taken, and soon found himself in the lobby, surrounded by members of the Winnipeg city police and RCMP, who had been summoned by the clerk at the hotel's front desk at Fraser's request.

Many hours and endless questions and interviews later, the terrorists were in custody and Ray and Ben were finally able to return to their rooms. Benny began to unlock the door to his room and saw Ray about to go to his own. "Ray," he said uncertainly.

"What is it, Benny?" asked his friend.

"Would you...do you want to come in?"

A relieved smile appeared on Vecchio's face. "I was afraid you wouldn't ask, and I was too scared to ask you to come to my room." He followed Benny in to the room.

The two men sat on the bed, suddenly feeling awkward and self-conscious. Finally Ray spoke. "How...how long, Benny?" he asked.

"How long what, Ray?"

"How long have you loved me? Been in love with me? You are, aren't you - in love with me?"

Ben took hold of his partner's hand. "Yes, Ray, I am in love with you. As for how long, I don't know. I can't remember ever *not* being in love with you. What about you?"

"I think the same...I think I've been in love with you since the day we met and you called me Detective Armani. I just didn't realize until I came back from being undercover. And when I saw you with Kowalski, I jumped to - well, to all the wrong conclusions. So I ran away."

"With Stella."

"Yeah, with Stella."

"But you came back," Ben reminded him.

"Like I said, I missed my family. And you. At least if I was in Chicago I could see you, even though I didn't think I could be with you, you know, like this."

Benny leaned back on to the pillows and pulled Ray into an embrace. They lay together, content to just be close, not doing anything else. Eventually Fraser started to talk again.

"Ray, you said that one of the reasons it didn't work with Stella is that she didn't want children and you do. I'm sure you realize, two men can't have children."

Ray shrugged. "So we'll adopt. And we'll have plenty of godchildren with Maria's and Frannie's kids." He didn't say anything for awhile, then he said, "That song you chose on the jukebox, Benny...it said everything I've been thinking since you told me you love me. How did you know to choose it? I didn't think you were in to popular music."

"Ray heard it and got Francesca to look up the words for him. He wanted to send them to my sister in his next letter to her."

"You mean Stanley has a thing for your sister?" asked Ray incredulously.

"Yes, he and Maggie have been carrying on a long-distance relationship for several months."

Ray groaned. "I am so dense," he said. "All this time I thought you and Kowalski were lovers. I have some apologizing to do when we get back to Chicago."

"I hope that you and Ray can be friends," said Ben.

"I'll try," said Vecchio. "It's kind of hard to call him by my name, though."

"He really doesn't like to be called Stanley."

"Maybe I'll just call him Kowalski." Ray yawned.

"It's getting very late, Ray. I think we should go to bed. To sleep," he added.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," sighed Ray. He started to get up. Benny grabbed his hand again.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"To bed, you said...oh, you mean go to bed *with you.*" The detective grinned. "I like that idea."

"Good," said his lover. "I have several more ideas to demonstrate to you in the morning when we're more rested. I hope you like them as well."

"I'm sure I will, Benny. I have the feeling I'm going to like any ideas you come up with from now on."

END

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