Disclaimer: Alliance thinks they belong to them. We'll let them have their delusions.

This is pretty mild slash. If you're looking for smut this isn't it. Sorry, maybe next time. Rated PG since it's m/m. There are no spoilers. Feedback appreciated at bcb@hamilton.net.

Thanks to Andre, Audra and Kellie for beta, but also for just being good friends. You're the best!!

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Play

By Betty Burch 1999

Ray's fork was frozen in place halfway between his plate and his mouth; which was standing open. His light blue eyes were wide in amazement. As if coming out of a trance the blond man blinked several times before putting his fork down. "Fraser, you mean to tell me you've never been on a swing or a jungle gym?"

"Yes, Ray, that is exactly what I'm telling you. As you know, I was home schooled, so I didn't have access to a playground."

Ray shook his head again. "Didn't you have a swing at home? Why am I asking that? Of course you didn't. Jeez, Frase, you sure missed out on being a kid, didn't you?"

"My childhood was just fine," Fraser answered, surprising himself with the coolness he heard in his voice. "Just because I didn't play on manufactured equipment doesn't mean I lacked physical exercise, or somehow 'missed out' on something."

Ray smiled at him, while holding up his hands, palms facing Fraser. "Whoa, sorry, Frase. I know you had plenty of exercise. It's just that...," he paused as if searching for the right words. "...you didn't have a normal childhood, Frase. I'm not saying that's bad, but you just missed out on a lot of play. That's sorta the whole point to bein' a kid."

The Mountie sighed deeply. If he had known that his admission would lead to a discussion of his childhood he never would have mentioned it.

"I had many opportunities for play," he said defensively. For a few moments Fraser felt like a bug under Ray's microscope as the other man watched him intently.

"No, Fraser, you didn't. You told me yourself, every time you asked for a toy you got a book. Did you ever play cowboys and Indians? Or build a tree house? Did you ever pretend to be a super hero and make a cape out of a bath towel?"

"Well that's just silly, Ray."

Fraser saw a flash of anger cross his partners face; watched his jaw tense before finally relaxing. "It's not silly, Fraser. It's called using your imagination. It's called play. Something you've never really done...and before you say I'm wrong you tell me just one time where you played that there wasn't some kind of 'learning experience' thing going on."

He searched his memory...and was surprised when nothing came to mind. Ray was right. Oddly, that realization made his chest hurt and his eyes burn. He stared at his plate, unable to look at the man sitting across from him. After a moment he felt a hand touch his. He looked up to see Ray smiling at him softly.

"Sorry, Frase. Didn't mean to go on about it. We can change the subject, okay?"

"Thank you," was all he could say.

Ray patted his hand and then picked up his fork and continued to eat. "So, you wanna come back to my place and watch the hockey game?"

"Yes, that would be fine," he replied. His chest still hurt and he had to resist the impulse to rub his hand over the ache.

"Eat up. You've barely touched your dinner."

Looking at his plate he knew he couldn't eat any more. "I'm not very hungry. I'm ready to go any time you are."

Again, Ray gave him a long look before responding. "Okay, I'm done. Let's get out of here. If your appetite comes back later I've got stuff for sandwiches at the apartment." Ray stood, throwing some bills on the table.

"I'll be sure to remember that. Thank you, Ray."

As the two men left the diner Ray threw his arm around Fraser's shoulder and left it there as they walked to the car.

*****

Ray sat at his desk staring at the file he had in his hands. Instead of reading it, as he should be doing, he was thinking about the night before. Fraser had been pretty quiet after dinner; and Ray couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. His friend had been fine until he'd opened his mouth and started yapping about play and imagination. Maybe the old saying is true...what you don't know won't hurt you. Fraser didn't seem to feel anything was missing until Ray pointed it out. He sucked. Rather than helping him Ray decided he had probably made things worse.

Not for the first time he wished he didn't just say everything that came into his mind. It had just made him mad that Fraser had gotten such a raw deal. The Mountie had a sense of play...Ray had seen it a few times; but he'd never had a chance to develop that part of himself. To Fraser's father and grandparents play had been a four letter word.

Fraser was always saying that you can't change the past; which was true. Ray knew he couldn't do anything about his partner's shortage of play as a child. Still, he felt like there should be something he could do to give the man a sense of what being a kid was all about. On some intuitive level he felt that this was something important. Something that only he could give.

He felt himself smile. Yeah, that made sense. Stella'd always told him he acted like a big kid. Who better to show Fraser? But how? He sat and pondered until the answer came to him. It was so simple. He knew just what to do; it made perfect sense. Now all he had to do was a little planning. This could be fun...

*****

Benton Fraser sat behind his desk, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. He had a constant headache from a week of doing nothing but fill out paperwork. He had thought he finished last night; but this morning the Inspector had handed him another stack of reports to be filled out in triplicate.

Turnbull was on vacation and his superior expected him to not only do his own work, but Turnbull's as well. It was repetitive and mind numbing, making Fraser wonder if Turnbull had always been like...well, like Turnbull; or if it was the job that had dulled his senses so.

The phone rang, startling him out of his contemplation. He cleared his throat and picked up the receiver...another job he had inherited since the other Mountie had been gone.

"Canadian Consulate, Constable Benton Fraser, deputy liaison officer, speaking."

He was answered by a familiar voice. "Hey Frase, Ice Queen keepin' ya chained to the desk?"

Despite himself, he had to smile. "Now, Ray, you know the Inspector would do no such thing. However I have been rather inundated with paperwork."

There was a pause before he heard Ray speak. "You sound tired. What you need is a pizza and some documentary on the mating rituals of polar bears. Why don't I pick you up after work?"

It was a tempting offer. "I wish I could, Ray, but I'm going to have to work for most of the evening."

He heard his partner sigh; could almost picture the look on his face. "Okay, I'm not sayin' a thing. When's Turnbull comin' back?"

"He's scheduled to work again Monday morning."

"So, you planning on working all weekend, too?" There was a hint of disappointment in Ray's voice.

"No, I was hoping to finish everything so I wouldn't have to work all weekend."

The voice on the other end of the line sounded almost happy. "Cool! So why don't I pick you up tomorrow about six? Give ya a little extra time to wrap things up, then you and me will have some fun."

He had missed seeing Ray this week. He knew he probably wouldn't get all of his work done by six; but he suddenly didn't care. "Six will be fine, Ray. Dief and I will be waiting."

"Okay, I'll see ya then. Talk to you tomorrow."

"All right, Ray; and thank you for calling."

"You're more than welcome, Frase."

*****

Fraser was waiting for him when he pulled the GTO in front of the Consulate. Even from a distance Ray could see the little lines of fatigue around the other man's eyes. He held the seat forward for Dief and then deposited himself in the front seat. Up close, the Mountie looked like he had a headache. Ray wondered if maybe this wasn't the best time for what he had planned...then realized it was the absolute best time. If he could get Fraser to go along, which wasn't necessarily a sure thing.

"You look beat, Frase." That's good, state the obvious. "You up for this?"

The dark head shook in the affirmative. "Yes, it's what got me through the day."

Ray could feel himself smile from ear to ear. "Glad to be of service. Ya wanna go for Chinese or Italian?"

"We're not going back to your place and order pizza?" There was genuine surprise in Fraser's voice.

"Nah! You been cooped up all week. I thought we'd eat out and then I've got something I wanna show ya."

The Mountie cocked his head to the side. "What is it that you want to show me?"

"It's a surprise, Fraser. You'll just have to wait and see." He put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb. "So, ya wanna go for Chinese?"

"That's fine, Ray."

By the time dinner was over Ray could tell that Fraser was beginning to unwind. His eyes looked less strained than they had, and the lines had started to smooth out. The wolf had eaten like a pig and was currently stretched out beside the booth while Fraser lectured him about over-eating. It was the opening Ray had been waiting for.

"Why don't we take him for a run? There's an older park not too far from here that we could give a try. It'd at least give him a chance to run off some of that princess beef."

"That would be nice, Ray, but why not go to the park down the street?"

"Because, Fraser." Yeah, there was an intelligent come back.

"Because why, Ray?" The Mountie again tilted his head to the side.

"Just because. Because there's something at that particular park that I wanna show you, okay?"

He was rewarded with a big Mountie grin. "Ah! The surprise. I must say I'm rather curious."

Returning the grin, Ray responded, "Well, then, pitter patter there, Frase."

*****

Fraser listened to the sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet. It was October and most of the leaves had fallen, creating a multi-hued blanket that stretched out before them. The air was brisk, their breath barely visible as they conversed while walking through the park. He still wasn't sure why Ray had wanted to come to this particular park, but it was nice, if somewhat unkempt. They were rounding a corner of the path when Ray suddenly put his hand on his arm to stop him from going forward.

"Okay, Frase, I want you to close your eyes for me."

He thought about arguing, but sensed that this was something important to the other man. He simply nodded and closed his eyes. He could feel Ray's hand on his elbow steering him forward.

"No peeking."

He stifled a chuckle. "I promise, Ray. No peeking."

Ray led him for awhile and then placed his hands on Fraser's shoulders, turning him slightly.

"You can open your eyes now."

Fraser wasn't sure what he'd expected to see; but a playground full of swings, slides and jungle gyms hadn't been at the top of his list...hadn't even been on the list. He felt his mouth drop open and all he could do was stare.

He heard Ray begin to speak. "I searched all over for just the right equipment. This is the kind of stuff I played on when I was a kid. Now everything's padded and protected. In my day it wasn't fun unless you risked serious bodily injury in the process."

He didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure what the other man wanted him to say. Ray was right, the equipment did look somewhat menacing. Cold steel piping bolted into concrete with only the hard earth beneath. He could feel Ray watching him; waiting for some sign of approval or understanding. As often happened with his partner he didn't understand, so he looked to him for an explanation.

Ray was wearing a big grin...the one that lit up his face. It quickly dimmed when Fraser just looked at him; unable to come up with the right response. "Okay, so I obviously goofed. I just thought, well...umm, no one should go through life without swingin' on a swing, Frase. I thought it might be fun for ya, that's all. You don't have to if you don't wanna." He turned and started back towards the car. "Come on, we can go back to my place and watch TV or something."

Fraser knew he needed to do something. He hated it when Ray got that 'I suck' tone of voice. He hated it even more when it was accompanied by the slouched shoulders, as if he were trying to pull into himself. He didn't understand everything, but he understood enough to know that Ray was trying to do something for him. Somehow he broke out of his physical lethargy and went after his friend.

"Ray! Ray, please stop." The other man had a head start and was walking quickly. At first he only hesitated, but then he finally turned around and waited for Fraser to catch up to him.

"I'm sorry, Ray. I'm simply a bit confused as to why you brought me here. That's not your fault, it's mine. Please explain to me why you wanted to show me this." He felt inadequate having to ask. Anyone else would have known the why instinctively...Ray would have known.

Ray expelled a gray mist as he exhaled heavily. "I didn't want to just *show* it to you, Fraser. I wanted you...us...but mainly you, to play on the swings and climb the jungle gym. I just thought you might enjoy it." His gaze failed to reach beyond his own hands.

Only then did Fraser remember the earlier conversation. It had been over a week since they had sat in the diner talking. He had forgotten all about it, but Ray hadn't. Ray had remembered. Not only remembered, but had obviously spent time trying to come up with some way of rectifying what he saw as a wrong that had been done to his friend. What had he said? 'I searched all over...' It made Fraser's chest ache again, but this time in a good way. Not that that made any sense; but he was learning that making sense and Ray didn't always go hand in hand. It was time to stop thinking and start talking.

"I'm sorry that I didn't understand. It's a thoughtful gesture on your part; but as you yourself pointed out, I'm not all that familiar with the concept of playing for play's sake."

Ray looked at him then; an almost pleading look in his eyes. "I know that, Frase. It's something I wanted to be able to give you. At least an idea of what it's like to do something just for fun. You don't have to...but I think you should."

He didn't really want to. The very idea seemed somewhat silly. Still, Ray wanted him to do it. Ray gave so much and asked so little. This time even his asking was in actuality a gift he was trying to give. He smiled, grateful to see it mirrored back at him.

"All right then. Shall we start on the swings then?"

He was surprised when his partner shook his head no. "We'd better work up to that. Let's try the jungle gym first. It's easy...you just climb around."

"Lead the way then."

*****

Ray watched the Mountie as they climbed around on the jungle gym. He was quite obviously not having fun. He followed Ray's lead, but he did it in a very workman-like way. He followed where Ray had been; never once just climbing wherever he wanted. The Mountie was acting like this was a task to be performed; another duty to be done. Obviously this wasn't going the way Ray had hoped.

"Fraser, you're not playing, you're working. Try and pretend you're climbing Mount Everest or something...make it adventurous and fun."

Big blue eyes looked up at him. "Climbing Mount Everest would indeed be a challenge, Ray. However I'm not sure it would exactly be fun."

Ray shook his head in defeat. "This really was a dumb idea. I'm sorry for dragging you out here. Let's go," he added as he jumped off the top rung down to the ground.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Ray. I am trying."

"That's the problem, Frase. You shouldn't have to try. The point is.. .I'm not sure what the point is. Come on, let's go somewhere warm."

Fraser dutifully got down. There's that word again. Ray started walking; hearing Fraser following behind him. He had gone only a little way when he realized his were the only footsteps he heard. Turning around he saw the dark haired man studying a piece of equipment. He turned and walked back to his friend.

"What's up?"

"I've never seen this before," Fraser commented, as he walked around the object. "What is it? What does it do?"

Ray was amused at the intensity of Fraser's expression. "It's called a roundabout. You get on it and then someone spins it around." He proceeded to demonstrate by pushing on one of the handles.

"Is it fun?" Again, Ray was struck by the almost wide-eyed look of wonderment on his friend's face.

"Hell yeah, it's fun. It makes you all dizzy and more than one kid has lost their lunch on this thing; but yeah it's fun."

"Would you push me?" Fraser asked almost eagerly as he stepped onto the roundabout.

"Sure, Frase; but move in towards the middle. It's less disorienting that way." The look on the Mountie's face caused him to quickly add, "Just until you get the hang of it." That brought a smile, as he moved further towards the center.

"Hang on," was all Ray said as he started pushing. He started off slowly; wanting to let the other man get the hang of it first.

After a few moments he slowly began to build up speed. He was going about as fast as he thought was safe when he was surprised to hear Fraser yell at him.

"Faster, Ray. Can't you make it go any faster?"

The look on Fraser's face was almost...childlike was the only word that came to mind. His hair was mussed from whipping around and his eyes were wide and bright. He had a wonderfully lopsided grin on his face and his cheeks were red from the cold. He had moved from the center out closer to the edge.

"Please, Ray," the Mountie asked again.

"Hold on," he repeated and then grabbed on and started to run along side the roundabout, making it go faster and faster. Fraser had moved out almost to the edge and his hair moved and rippled in the wind.

After he got it going as fast as he could Ray jumped on, hanging on for dear life as they were both whipped around in circle after circle. He couldn't take his eyes off the man across from him. Ray had never seen Fraser look so carefree...so happy. Man, I gotta get him on a tilt-a-whirl. As they began to slow Ray jumped off and again ran with the handle is his hand; making it go faster and faster and faster. It was going so fast he didn't even try to jump back on; he just stood back and watched his friend spin around.

After several more minutes the roundabout began to slow; eventually slowing enough that Fraser turned and jumped off next to Ray; at which point he began to weave around. Ray knew that movement well; recognized the look on the other man's face.

"Whoa, there, Frase. Little dizzy, are we? Come on, let's sit down." He put his arm around Fraser's shoulder to give support. He was unprepared for the larger man's knees buckling; pulling them both to the ground in a heap. Ray suddenly worried that the Mountie was having convulsions; his entire body was shaking. Only when he heard the accompanying sound did he realize that he was convulsed in laughter. It was contagious and he joined in.

After awhile Fraser sputtered, "As you said, Ray; it's not fun if it doesn't involve a little danger," and then he promptly started laughing again. He quickly regained some of his composure as he continued. "Thank you for that, Ray. I guess I didn't know I needed that."

They were still sitting side by side on the ground, and Ray once again threw an arm around his friend. "You're welcome, Fraser. I knew you'd have fun if you'd give yourself half a chance."

Suddenly Fraser got a more serious look on his face. "Would you call me Ben? You don't have to. It's just that...," he suddenly looked embarrassed and at a loss for words.

Ray was barely aware of his hand rubbing the other man's shoulder. Ray had often wondered about the other man's name. Everyone in Chicago called him Fraser...or Frase. Benton seemed too formal; especially for a child. "Sure, Ben, if that makes you happy."

He was rewarded with a look of gratitude; and another smile. "Thank you. You only have to do it for tonight," he added before changing the subject. "Didn't you mention swinging earlier? Do you think we should go swing next?"

Ray wanted to talk about the name thing, but realized now was not the time. So he filed that for a later discussion and got to his feet; putting his hand out to help his partner stand. "They've got a pretty high slide over there," he said pointing in the general direction. "Why don't we go try that out first. We'll save the swings for last."

"Okay," was all Ben said as he headed that direction. Ray followed behind him; amazed at what almost looked like a skip in the Mountie's step. I've created a monster, he suddenly thought to himself. But a good kind of monster.

*****

The slide had been exhilarating; but not nearly as much fun as the roundabout. He wasn't sure why, but Fraser had liked the speed. In a strange way it was somewhat reminiscent of being on a dog sled. Except on a sled you hopefully went straight, rather than going around in circles.

Fraser was getting a drink from the water fountain while Ray took one more ride down the slide on his stomach. He had to laugh when Ray landed in the dirt, thus covering his entire front in dust and grime. His own attire was somewhat the worse for wear; and he was glad he had changed out of his uniform.

"Hey Ben," Ray called out to him, "let's go try out the swings now, okay?"

"That's fine, I'm right behind you," he answered. Ever since he had impulsively asked Ray to call him Ben the other man had used the name frequently. He couldn't believe he had been so forward. It pushed the boundaries of their friendship; and Ray wasn't someone to say no, even if it made him uncomfortable. Of course, he had to admit that Ray didn't act uncomfortable with the request; or with actually using the name. In fact it felt as if he had always called him Ben. Secretly he hoped that he would keep using the name...even though he had belatedly given him an out by adding 'just for tonight.'

"Ben, would you get your butt over here? You're gonna drown if you drink much more water," came drifting over from the swings.

"Yes, Ray, I'm coming," he answered as he broke out in a trot to reach his friend. Ray was half standing with the seat of a swing wrapped around the back of his upper thighs.

"Saved you a seat," he said, grinning, as he shook the chain on the swing next to him.

Fraser wordlessly sat down, situating himself in the seat as best he could. These swings had obviously not been designed with adults in mind. Ray raised his feet up and began to swing. Fraser just watched him for a few moments, reminded yet again of his partner's grace. There was something mesmerizing about watching Ray's rhythmic movements.

Shaking himself slightly, Fraser followed his partner's example and was soon swinging back and forth. Ray was going increasingly higher; but he couldn't quite get the movements in the right order to get very high. Still, it was a pleasant sensation.

After a few minutes of silent swinging Ray took a huge swing forward and then jumped to the ground while the swing was at it's highest point. Fraser was duly impressed.

"Very nice technique, Ray."

The blond smiled at him. "Thanks Ben. I've had years of practice. Although I have to admit it's also been years since I've actually tried that." There was a slight pause before he continued. "Swinging can be a little like flying once you get going. If you don't mind, I thought I might push you, just to help you along. That way you can go really high."

"I don't mind, Ray. I'd be happy for any help you'd care to give."

"Great," was all he said as he moved behind him and put his hands on his back, pushing him forward. For the next few minutes Ray pushed Fraser while at the same time giving him instructions on how to push and pull his legs and the chain to get himself even higher. It took some practice, but eventually he got the hang of it. It felt really good to swing high into the air. It felt even better to swing back to earth...to Ray. When he swung close enough his partner would put both hands on his back, the last few times it had actually been lower than his back, to push him once again towards the sky.

It was heady and exhilarating. His skin tingled and he could feel his blood pumping through his veins. The rush of air as he flew upwards. The feeling in his stomach as he made his descent. It all combined to make him feel as giddy as he was on the roundabout, without the accompanying dizziness. He was aware that Ray continued to talk to him; but he couldn't really make out what he was saying.

Suddenly, he realized that he wanted to feel what Ray had felt as he flew out of the swing to the ground. That would truly be the closest he would ever get to flying. Without thinking he called out, "I'm going to jump, Ray!" He could hear words of protest from behind him; but it was too late. He waited until he was as high as we would get, and then he thrust himself forward...and for a brief moment he flew before falling like a stone to the ground. He landed on his feet, but pitched forward, landing hard on his knees.

He heard Ray running towards him; felt strong arms pull him into a seated position. "Fraser! Ben, are you hurt? Let me see." Ray moved around until he was in front of him. Fraser tried to straighten out his legs, and winced at the sharp pain.

"My knee," was all he could spit out through gritted teeth. Looking down he could see that his jeans were torn and his knee was covered in a thin layer of blood.

Ray bent closer, pulling off his gloves so he could gently move the torn fabric out of the way. "Looks like ya skinned it real good. Doesn't look like any serious damage." Looking up at him, the blond smiled. "Hurts like hell, though, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it certainly does." He paused, feeling embarrassed at his rashness in jumping from the swing. "I'm sorry, Ray. I don't know what possessed me." He was taken aback by the smile he received.

"I know what possessed you. The kid in you is what made ya do it. I gotta admit it, Ben, I didn't know if you had it in you. That was great! A little practice and you could get really good at this. Next time, though, maybe you should start a little lower. You need to work up to jumping from as high as you just did."

Fraser could feel himself grin. "It was rather...fun." Ray had found a tissue in his pocket and was dabbing at his injured knee. He was surprised to hear himself say, "Ow!"

"I know it hurts. Since I'm not a mom I can't do what they do to make it feel better, so we'll just have to go back to my place. I've got some antibiotic ointment and bandages that should take care of it."

He had been so young when his mother died; he didn't remember all the things a mother should do. He was curious...so he asked. "What does a mom do, Ray?" He felt the other man hesitate briefly before he answered.

"It's sort of a joke. My mom always used to ask me if I wanted her to kiss it and make it better. Funny thing is when I was little it really seemed like it did make it better. Power of suggestion, I guess." He looked up and gave a small smile.

For some reason the idea of Ray kissing his knee sent a small shiver through him. More than likely the shiver was from sitting on the cold ground. The temperature had dropped several more degrees since they'd arrived at the park.

"Come on, Ben, let's get you up and head for home. I think you've had enough play for one day." Ray helped brace him to his feet. He experimentally put weight on his knee and found that it hurt, but was tolerable. He would definitely be limping for a day or two.

"For today, yes. However I think we may have to try this again sometime."

The smile his partner gave him seemed to light up the darkness. "Yeah, that'd be fun. I mean, this was fun. Maybe some time I'll take you to the amusement park. Now that's what I call fun. But we'll work up to that."

As they walked they found they were very near a street light. Ray suddenly reached up and touched the corner of Fraser's mouth. "You're bleeding."

Touching his own fingers to his mouth he felt a slight pain. There was indeed blood on his fingers. "I must have bitten my lip when I fell. Thank you," he added as Ray handed him a tissue. He wiped the blood from his lip.

Ray was watching him...watching his mouth. Something, some instinct, told him to ask. So he did. "Would you kiss it and make it better, Ray?"

Without saying a word his partner leaned in and gently placed his lips against Fraser's, leaving them there for a few moments before pulling away. It wasn't much of a kiss, but it sent more shivers running up and down his spine. Ray was looking at him; obviously trying to gauge his reaction. He smiled.

"Thank you kindly, Ray. You're right. It does indeed feel better." He felt hesitant and emboldened at the same time. "Perhaps a second kiss would make it feel even better?"

That made him the recipient of Ray's highest voltage smile. "Yeah. It just might at that. But not here, Ben. Let's go back to my place and I'll take care of your knee and your lip good and proper."

"All right, Ray. That sounds like a good plan." Ray extended his elbow so he could lean on it, taking some of the pressure off his sore knee. Slowly but surely they made their way to the car.

*****

As they approached the car Ray could see Dief sleeping nearby. He sighed heavily; realizing they'd both forgotten all about the wolf. He's gonna make us both pay for this one, he thought to himself. Then he remembered that he had a couple of doughnuts at home. That should mollify the furry beast long enough for Ray to take care of Ben. Even if that took all night. Oh yeah, he was gonna kiss all of Ben's hurts and make them better. This could be fun...

The End