Alliance owns them I am borrowing them with no intent of harm...

Title: Red Serge Blues

Rated: PG 13

No Spoilers

No Pairings

Red Serge Blues

The RIV rounded the corner onto West Racine with a smiling Ray Vecchio behind the wheel. He pulled up and quickly parked the car against the curb. He frowned, no Mountie in sight. Ray swiveled in his chair and peered through his car window at the entry door of the building. Diefenbaker stood in the door, rising up on his hind feet and pawing at the door. Ray climbed out of the car quickly and ran to the door.

"Hey Dief, what's up ...Where's Fraser?"

Diefenbaker woofed in the air and turned to run up the narrow stairs. He turned back to beckon Ray to follow him. Ray trudged up the stairs, "Dang stairs, too dark in here." He muttered.

At the second floor landing Ray stopped short, Benton Fraser sat on the bottom step looking at the inside of the Stetson he held in his hands. His hair was perfectly groomed and he wore his dress red serge uniform, Ray noticed the neck opening was not secured on the uniform coat. Ben's arms were extended and resting on his knees, his pale wrists exposed in the dim lighting of the hallway. Ray noticed the red, raw cuts left behind from handcuffs still marring Ben's wrists. Ray lowered himself down to the steps and sat beside the Mountie. He noticed the large bruise on Ben's neck just below his right ear was still livid and red.

"Hey Ben." Ray said softly as Dief tried licking Ben's face only to be pushed gently away. Ray watched as Dief lowered himself to the floor and lay with his nose almost brushing Ben's boots.

Ben didn't answer Ray; he kept his eyes turned down to his hat. He opened his mouth as if to talk and shut it tightly again. He sunk his head down lower towards his knees and barely moved.

"Sentry duty today?" Ray asked quietly tho he didn't really expect an answer.

Ben just nodded his head before slipping his hat onto his head. He rubbed his left wrist with his right hand before using his fingers to rub at his eyebrow.

"I can't do it anymore." Ben whispered, agony rippling through his voice.

"What can't you do, Benny?"

"I don't think I can," Ben began softly. He began unbuttoning the red serge coat with trembling fingers.

"Benny, talk to me here. What can't you do?"

"I can't wear serge anymore." Ben finally gasped out and looked at Ray with the saddest look in his eyes Ray had ever seen.

"You can't wear serge anymore. Why?" Ray laid a gentle hand on Ben's shoulder. "Why?"

"I'm can't. I just can't."

"Ben, there has to be a reason. You love that uniform. It's part of you, everybody knows that."

"Don't you want to be a Mountie anymore?" Ray asked in disbelief.

"I am a Mountie Ray, I think I'll die a Mountie. I just can't wear the serge anymore."

"This isn't making any sense." Ray dropped his hand to his own knee and watched Dief watching Ben.

"Well, if you don't wear the serge, you can't stand sentry duty, and if you don't stand sentry duty..." he let the thought of Ben's boss run through his mind. He shivered and said nothing.

Ben nodded his head and pulled himself to his feet. He jammed the Stetson down tightly over his head and moved towards the stairs leading to the first floor.

Ray watched his best friend moving away from him in surprise. Ben wasn't even buttoning the red serge coat. He was definitely planning on going out into the street in non-regulation tidiness. Ray followed behind Dief down the stairs and out the door. Ben was standing beside the RIV, his hands leaning on the top of the car, his eyes riveted on passing traffic.

Ray unlocked his door and climbed into the driver's seat. Ben finally opened the door and lowered himself into the passenger seat after letting Dief into the rear of the vehicle.

"You gonna tell me what's going on in that head of yours Fraser?"

"I want to. I just don't know if you will understand." Ben leaned back into his seat and with a fumbling hand reached for his seatbelt.

Ray looked at his watch, "I've got an hour before I have to be on duty. Spill. Now."

Ben sighed and drawing in a breath started talking.

"Red kills Ray." Ben said. "Wearing red serge is like taunting a bull with a red flag Ray. Wearing red serge is like wearing a hair shirt Ray. It itches and rubs your skin raw, but you wear it because you are proud to be singled out to wear it. You wear it as a symbol of loyalty. You wear it as a symbol of your country. You wear it to let others know you are there to protect them. You wear it as a talisman against lawlessness. You wear it is a symbol of who you are. I can't do it anymore. Red kills Ray."

Ray watched Ben's lips form that brooding look he wore when he felt inadequate, when he felt overwhelmed. "Ben, the coat doesn't kill, people kill. You know that."

"This coat kills Ray. How can you not admit that? You were there."

Ray fell back into his chair. Now he knew what this was all about. Guilt. Ben was feeling guilty. Guilty for surviving. Guilty for living.

"Ben, you weren't the one at fault. It was just one of those things. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Ray, I've gone over it in my mind, until I can't think anymore. Red kills."

"You haven't sleep much since it happened have you?"

"No Ray. I can't"

Ray pulled out his cell phone and dialed the consulate. "Turnbull, put me through to Thatcher." He watched Ben's incredulous look at him as he talked.

"Morning to you too. Listen I just picked Fraser up and there's no way he's going to work today." Ray listened and watched Ben beginning to splutter whispered words at him. "No, he's not sick exactly." He needs to talk and someone needs to listen Ray thought. "Find someone else to play toy soldier out front today." Ray paused as he listened to words yelled into the phone. "I happen to know Ben has a large number of sick days on hold. He's using one." He snapped his phone shut and turned the key in the RIV's ignition.

With a glance out his window to watch traffic, Ray pulled out and drove down the street ignoring the seething Mountie seated next to him.

Ray drove the RIV weaving in and out of traffic, for once hitting every green light between his house and Fraser's. He drove steadily and smoothly once he realized Ben was falling asleep next to him in the passenger seat.

Ben slumped into the seat and leaned his head minus its Stetson against the car window. There were deep shadows under his eyes and his sleep was fitful. His lips moved in his sleep but nothing came out loud enough for Ray to hear and understand.

Ray thought back over the last 37 hours. He hated to think what a jelly donut had cost them. The sun had been shinning and it had been a wonderful spring day. The three of them, Ray, Ben and Dief and wandered away from the precinct during their lunch hour. Ben had been wearing his red serge and seemed to be basking in the sunlight as they walked along. Neither man noticed as they area they were walking in seemed to become devoid of passers by on the sidewalks. They were just two men with a wolf out to enjoy the sun and maybe find a jelly donut or two.

Several crowd control policemen passed them riding large chestnut horses in full padding. And Ben and Ray never noticed. Dief ran on ahead and stopped still as he peered into an alley. He dropped to his stomach and waited for Ben and Ray with his nose into the wind.

Ben walked forward to stand near Dief right near the alleys' opening. He glanced up when he heard voices coming out of the shadows. Just as Ray caught up with him the two men took note of all the policemen on horseback as well as policemen wearing riot gear wandering the area.

Ray was the first to notice the huge, dark limousine coming down the street. They both stood and watched as the police moved in and around the street keeping everyone clear of the limo.

So intent on watching the finely tuned performance of the police around the limo that neither man heard or noticed anything until a very large man had grabbed Benton and dragged him forcefully over to the dark shadowed brick wall. Another man covered the large man as handcuffs were quickly pulled out and forced onto Ben. The large man put his huge maw of a hand around Benton's neck and digging his fingers in pulled Ben back out and into the sunshine. Ray had only been able to stand and stare as his friend was used as a shield by the large man who waited to be noticed as one of his companions looped a chain through the cuffs that bound Fraser and wrapped it around his waist and looped it quickly again so that Ben was effectively on a leash and unable to move his arms.

One of the horse patrol noticed what was going on because he saw the flash of Ben's red uniform near the alley. He yelled, "Hey you in the Red. What are you doing there?"

Ray had been appalled that the rider couldn't see the chain holding Ben to his captor. He had watched the large man's strong fingers dig into Ben's neck as he told him to remain quiet.

Diefenbaker had risen to his feet and stood ready to leap. Ray had whispered his name and coaxed the wolf back to him.

Out of the shadows, another large, blond haired man strode with sure steps and quick darting eyes. He had looked at Ray and quietly demanded the Ray ask the horse patrol to back off.

Ray had told the man he would try but he couldn't guarantee anything. He had asked to be allowed to remove his shield from his wallet and once he had done that he carefully approached the closest horse officer.

"I don't know who that guy is, but he is using the Mountie for a shield." Ray had nervously looked around then added, "I don't know what is going on. But you're going to have to listen or I think there could be a lot of trouble here."

"That's just it, this is just a practice run." The officer replied in a whisper. "We're just practicing crowd control."

"Then what do these jerks want?" Ray remembered spitting the words out quickly.

Ray realized he had better get to his house quickly. He was having a hard time concentrating on his driving. God, and he thought Fraser had problems.

Ray gently shook Fraser awake after he brought the RIV to a halt in his own driveway. He glanced at his watch. Geesh. He'd only been gone a little over a half hour and he felt like it was a whole nother day.

Ben woke slowly and sat up, picking up his Stetson from the dashboard. He climbed out and stretched then let Dief exit the car as well. The three friends strode up to the front porch, where Ray put a gentle hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Let's go in and sit in the kitchen. We'll make some of that tea you like Ma keeps in the house. I'm gonna put lots of honey in yours, I think you're still in shock."

Ray led the way to the door and opened it with his key. He watched Dief fly down the hallway and heard his mother's laughing exclamation of welcome to the wolf.

"Furball sure knows the ladies." Ray sighed and moved on down the hall followed by a chastened Benton.

Rosa Vecchio lifted her head from petting the wolf and watched the two men carefully as they entered the kitchen. "I'm going over to cousin Catrina's. There's enough pasta in the fridge for lunch. You boys enjoy it." She took off her apron and walked over to them. She smiled up at them from her diminutive height and reaching up gave Benton a kiss on the check. "You should come by more often."

Ben grinned sheepishly at her and tucked his head down and dropped a kiss on her check.

She patted Ray on the shoulder as she passed out of the kitchen. Ray pulled a chair out from the table and pushed Ben into it. When Ray found the tea box, he pulled out what he needed and started making tea. While the water got hot, Ray settled into a chair next Fraser. Their eyes met across the expanse of the table. Ray read guilt so thick in Ben's eyes he could almost feel the intangible emotion.

Ben watched Ray fixing their tea. Dief lay at his feet in a companionable huddle. Ben looked down at the table only to become aware once again of the raw handcuff cuts on his wrists. He quickly pulled his hands back and laid them in his lap. He hated those marks; they were signs of his inactivity when he should have been moving, when he should have been doing his job.

Ray noticed Ben's quick movement and tried to remain impassive. He placed their tea on the table, with Fraser's heavily laden with honey. Taking a sip of his, Ray settled comfortable into his chair.

"Ok, Spill. What makes you think you are more to blame than anyone else in that whole situation?"

"The large one told me. Told me quite joyfully, that if he hadn't seen my red serge coat, they would have stayed in the shadows. Nothing would have happened. No one would have died."

"You believe that piece of shit." Ray shook his head.

"I know what you are trying to say. But the facts remain Ray, if I hadn't been there for them to take as a hostage, perhaps they would have stayed in the shadows."

"You are making what if statements here Benny. You know what if statements are not logic in its best form in these situations." Ray watched his friend agonizing over his feelings. Ray knew how sensitive Ben was, knew that each death he was around truly diminished him.

"Ray, but what if it was the truth. What if they only acted because they saw the red serge as a talisman."

"Benny, you are talking about crazies here. They were watching a police riot control drill, trying to figure out how to use it to their advantage. They would probably have taken me instead of you if I had been the one with my back to the alley."

"I don't think so Ray. The larger one kept repeating the poem, "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Pick a rose for the dead ...." He paused, "I know it's not logical Ray, but the man was fixated on red."

"Ben, come on here. The guy was nuts, hell they were all nuts. All four of them."

Ben's eyes filled with tears. He remembered being forced to turn around and walk down the pitch-black alley. It had been one of those alleys in Chicago that never seemed to see any sunlight. He remembered walking and walking until they came to the end. He remembered being pulled up short on his chain leash as two of the men exited the alley first leaving him in the control of the man holding the chain.

Dropping his head on his hands, Ben could still hear the words leaving his captors mouth. "Make sure no sees us leaving, No witnesses." He was pulled back against the man and told to shut up and look down not up. He was ordered not to look in either direction as they moved foreword. He saw the open car door in front of him and was forced inside as he heard several gunshots coming from in front of the car. The men had all jumped in the vehicle quickly each one buckling up for safety. The man sitting in the back next to Fraser pulled the shoulder strap belt down across Fraser and secured him in the seat. Then the man had jammed the Stetson down over Fraser's eyes. Ben had tried moving to settle into a more comfortable position only to have the man reach down to tie his feet together and wrap the remaining cord around Ben's legs up to his knees. While the car raced down the street, Ben could hear the man tumbling metal leash over and over in his hands.

Ray watched Ben crying into his hands on the table and reached over to comfort him. "It wasn't your fault Ben. It wasn't."

"But those kids died Ray. They shot those kids. They shot those kids because they saw my red serge as a catalyst." Ben began unbuttoning his red serge and dragged it off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. His white Henley framed his pale skin eloquently as he looked with despair. "They shot those kids because they saw me."

"They shot those kids cause they were witnesses to a kidnapping. Yours." Ray held back a moment. "No matter who had been the hostage, those jerks would have killed anyone in their way to protect themselves. You got that."

"But would they have taken anyone else hostage Ray? Would they. The largest man kept saying, Red, Red, you're dead. While they drove down that street. It was all I could hear Ray. Red, Red, your dead."

"Ok so the guy was fixated on the color red. It's still not your fault. You didn't kill anyone. You can't be superman every time Ben. You can't."

"Ray, I just want to forget this but I can't. Life is supposed to go on Ray. But it won't for those kids Ray."

"No Benny, it won't. And maybe if you hadn't been by that alley those creeps wouldn't have taken a chance on taking a hostage. But you were there, they were there. You still did nothing wrong. Not you Benny."

Ray watched his friend sitting in his kitchen agonizing over the death of two young teenagers who like Ben had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. One thing Ray was sure of, someone less sensitive than Ben would not be sitting here filled with remorse for something he didn't do. Ray glanced at red serge lying on the floor near Dief. Just what was it going to take to make Benny understand. Sometimes bad things happened to good people. Sometimes you just had no choice...

Standing up slowly Ray took his empty teacup over to the sink and set it down. He placed his hands on the sinks edge and leaned into the counter for a moment before turning around to face Fraser. "I don't think we should talk about this right now. You're way too punchy from lack of sleep and you just aren't thinking right. No one's going to bother you if you slip upstairs to the guest room and try napping."

Ben shook his head. "I can't sleep Ray. I've tried." He looked at his best friend through heavy lidded eyes, his eyes downcast to avoid Ray's searching gaze.

"Yea, well I think you're gonna try. Humor me OK. Come on, I'll take you up and make sure you get settled in quietly. Dief will be OK down here."

"I really don't..." Ben tried to force reasonable words out his mouth only to be cut off by Ray.

"Listen, you know Ma isn't going to be home for a while and the house will be ours all morning. You get some shut eye and then we'll try talking again."

Ben reluctantly shoved his chair back pooling the red serge lying on the floor into a puddle of red cloth and shook his shoulders back. He turned towards the hallway and moved silently through the house with Ray right behind him. The two men went upstairs to the top floor of the house where the guestroom was located. Ray opened the door and ushered Ben inside glad to note that the room had that just cleaned look. Flinging the covers on the bed back, Ray patted the pillow and stood back. He crossed to the window and pulled it open slightly to let fresh air inside. He heard the rustling of the sheets as Ben dropped down wearily and began unlacing his boots. It didn't take long for the Mountie to lie back on the bed and cross his arms over his face. Ray flipped the covers over Ben and left the room quietly.

Ray took Ben's red serge coat and hung it on the coat rack by the front door. He went into the kitchen and put away the tea things and washed the cups he and Ben had used. Then he picked up the phone and called his boss, Lt. Welsh.

"Hey Franny, put me through to the Lieutenant will ya. Thanks." Ray tapped the toe of his shoe against the floor as he waited. "Yea, it's me. Listen, I went to pick Ben up this morning and he's in bad shape." He listened for a minute. "I don't think they debrief their officers sir. Ben is not dealing with this well at all." He listened again with a slight smile on his face. "Thanks, I've got him here at the house." Ray hung the phone up glad he had Welsh for a boss.

Ray wandered into the living room and picked up the TV remote. The last person to use the TV had left it set to the 24 hour Chicago news station. When the picture came on there was Ben's picture on the screen. Ben surrounded by several firemen as they pulled open the car door so they could pull Ben out of the car. There for the entire city to see was Ben seat belted in the car and unable to move. The camera man made sure he got in nice and tight, the rope around Ben's ankles was visible as was the chain around his waist and the fact that Ben's arms were pinned behind him was quite clear in the video image.

Sitting slack jawed from shock; Ray listened to the newscaster describing Ben's kidnapping, the death of the two teens and Ben's rescue by police after a three-block car chase. The cameraman pulled back to show the audience the resulting wreck that had halted the kidnappers getaway. The driver had been killed on impact; the other three men were badly shaken up. Only Ben seemed to have escaped minus any injuries. Ray watched fascinated as Ben was lifted from the vehicle and placed on a gurney. He watched as they removed the rope from his ankles and legs and used huge metal cutters to remove the chain and cuffs. Ray had been there but at the time all he had been able to do was answer questions and repeat over and over what had happened to the investigating officers. Now he sat too stunned to move as he watched Ben handled like a puppet and carefully put in the back of the Emergency Vehicle. He remembered how the dazed Ben had refused a ride to the hospital seeking escape from authorities quickly. It was more than obvious to Ray now that Ben shouldn't have been allowed to escape treatment that easily. God he hoped Ben would find some sleep upstairs.

Ben's body betrayed him shortly after Ray closed the door. He fell into a deep sleep and hardly moved for a couple of hours.

The front door of the Vecchio home slammed shut as Maria and Tony's children trooped in from school. The oldest one noticed Uncle Ray sleeping on the sofa and motioned the other kids to be quiet. Dief trotted up to them and with a little wolf dance begged them to go outside with him.

The middle child, usually left out of major decisions by the group noticed Uncle Ben's red serge coat hanging in the hall. The little boy reverently ran his hand over and over the material. Uncle Ben was the man he most admired in the world. Carefully he lifted the coat down held on to it. He watched the others running quietly down the hall with Dief and his decision was quickly made. Uncle Ben wouldn't mind. The boy put the red serge on and carefully rolled the sleeves back before buttoning it right up to his neck.

Glancing at himself in the hall mirror, the boy smiled. Emboldened by his reflection in the mirror, he ran down the hall to join the other kids in the backyard. Everyone stopped to stare at him. The littlest child ran up and touched the red serge lightly before asking if Uncle Ben knew about the coat.

"I'm sure he won't mind." The boy responded. "Come on lets go walking around the house. I'm the leader." And he marched out towards the front of the house where the yard was much smaller.

The littlest child carried her large soccer ball and ran delightedly after the group. Dief ran beside her enjoying the sound of the children as they ran or skipped towards the front of the house.

As they ran, the children followed the red serge coat without question. A game of follow the leader began amongst the giggling children. This was followed by a game of statues. The little child with the soccer ball placed her ball on the ground and joined merrily in with the group activity. Red Serge was the swinger and he swung each child with great gusto. The oldest child landed in a huddle on the ground, his right foot connecting with the soccer ball which began rolling towards the street. Its little owner shrieked, "MY ball, a car will get it." She began to move out of frozen position to chase it.

"I'll get it, you know you can't go into the street." Red Serge yelled and he proceeded to dash towards the ball rolling towards the street. He yelled over his shoulder, "Don't worry, I'll get it for you."

The ball rolled out into the middle of the street and swirled there as if it was making a decision where to roll next. The boy ran out to grab it forgetting to look both ways for approaching cars.

Screeching brakes filled the air as a car slid to a halt inches from the child as he bent over the ball to pick it up. A woman screamed and then could be heard crying as she sat behind the wheel of the car. With shaking hands she opened her car door and ran up to the red serge clad boy. She knelt down and carefully looked him over, "Thank God." She dropped to the ground to sit there crying.

The sound of the screeching brakes woke Ben from the first sound sleep he had had in days. Then he heard the sounds of the woman crying drifted in through the window, He rushed to the bedroom window to look out. He was flying out of the room in seconds and nearly riding the stair railings on his way to the first floor. He ran out the front door letting it slam behind him, which finally woke Ray, as he lay sprawled on the sofa.

Ben flew out into to the street to kneel by Maria's son and with shaking hands pulled the boy to him. He turned to the woman who was still crying as she sat in the road. Ben gently put the shaking boy from him and reached his hand out to the woman.

"I'm so sorry. Are you OK?"

Dazed hazel eyes looked at him and smiled. "Yes. Thank God the child had red on or I wouldn't have seen him. Is he OK?"

"Yes, Mam, tho I doubt he will feel OK after his family gets done talking to him." Ben remarked wryly. "May I help you up?"

She gave Ben her hand and let him pull her to her feet. "I live just down the block. I'll be OK. I'm just so glad I didn't hit the boy."

By this time, Ray was watching his nephew as he stood crying next to Ben. "I'll drive you and car down the street, Mrs. Ponte." She smiled graciously and moved towards her car. Ray climbed in the drivers seat and drove her home but not before he cast a very serious look towards the child wearing the red serge.

Ben put his arm around the boy and led the group back to the Vecchio living room. He sat down and pulled the boy into his lap. The small child collapsed into tears in Ben's arms where he was held firmly but lovingly.

Ray walked back into the house to hear Ben talking to his nephew. "Why were you in the street?"

"I had to get Tessa's ball. She's too little to go after it."

"Um perhaps next time you should get an adult to retrieve the ball."

"OK Uncle Ben. I'm sorry about your coat. I didn't hurt it or anything."

"I know you didn't."

"The lady said if she hadn't seen the red coat on you she may have hit you." Ray said as he walked into the room. He gave a pointed look at Ben who nodded back. "But you shouldn't have taken Uncle Ben's coat without permission."

"Yes, Uncle Ray. I won't do it again." The boy slid off Ben's lap and began unbuttoning the red serge. "Uncle Ben needs it, I just wanted to borrow it."

"Why?" Ray asked.

"Because red is Uncle Ben and I want to be just like him." The boy answered. "I know when Uncle Ben wears it I feel safe." The boy hugged Ben. "Don't you Uncle Ray?"

The two men looked at each other over the boy's head as he handed Ben the red serge. "I told you red serge doesn't kill." Ray remarked. They watched the children rush from the room towards the kitchen. "You're just going to have to accept that sometimes things just happen."

Ben held the red serge gently. He knew that without the coat Ray's nephew might be dead or in the hospital. Maybe Ray was right. He would have to do some more thinking about this. But he wouldn't do it by himself anymore. He'd discuss it with Ray and bring his fears out into the light of day.

Ray watched the changing emotions on Ben's face and knew the change had already begun. Ben the lone internalizer was beginning to change. Ray smiled down at the red serge coat in Ben's hands. Sometimes things just happened.