The Thin Line

By Shaz Ibbitson

PG

None of the characters belong to me etc etc

Mary Ann you probably won't like this!!!

Feedback appreciated shaz_kowalski@yahoo.com

The Thin Line

People say that there is a very thin line between love and hate, and I am only now beginning to realise the truth in the statement. Only now after half a bottle of scotch and another tongue lashing has the truth finally struck me. I never saw it before but now I realise. One minute she could look at me with such love and passion, and the next her eyes reflected such animosity, of course I never noticed it before, after all love is blind.

I can't believe what I let her do to me. All those years I put up with it, of course everyone else must have noticed, probably all laughing at me behind my back, or worse pitying me. Oh yeah, I bet Fraser felt sorry for me, well guess what I don't want the pity of the Mountie. I wish that I could say I hate her, but even I know that that isn't true, I still love her even after all that she has done and said to me, but I also know that she's a bitch, and we're over.

I walk around the consulate, but I just can't settle I know why, but I can't do anything about it. I am very worried about my best friend. Ray Kowalski's ex wife can be rather cruel and has got an extremely sharp tongue, which she isn't afraid to use. I can tell that it hurts Ray terribly by the instant pain that he tries to hide, but reflects so clearly in his so blue eyes. I don't know what to say to comfort him, are there any words that can truly mend a broken heart? Ray's has been trampled on for so many years it may even be too late.

I've always prided myself in giving people second chances, and forgiving people their wrongs, but what Stella has done is unforgivable, I could even say that I honestly hate the woman. I know that Ray can't bring himself to hate her, he'll never have any feelings towards her but love, I accept that but I also realise how much more hurt that will bring him. All I can do is be here time and time again and perhaps help pick up the pieces.

Nobody realises how much I love her, ya see we've been together since I was twelve, she was the only woman I have ever loved, in more ways than one.

The worst thing is, the thing that I have only just accepted, I can't live with her, it just brings us both pain and hurt, but I can't live without her. I just keep imaging myself with her, I can't even have contact with other women cos in my mind I'm comparing them to the Stella. How can I go on in life with no chance of happiness? Even Fraser must hate me now he realises how pathetic I am, my gun is within a few feet of me, how easy it would be for me to just lean across and end it all. What have I got to live for, I mean I'm not even me anymore. Before I know it the weapon is in my hands with one up the spout.

I'm overly worried about Ray now, I mean what if he does something stupid? Mind made up I usher Dief out of the consulate and we hail a cab over to Ray's place. I really don't think he'll do anything stupid, but he might appreciate the company anyway. We run up the stairs and when there is no answer at the door I use the spare key that Ray had given me. I open the door and gasp at the sight before me, I guess I was wrong after all.