Title: A Most Peculiar Feeling

Author: necessary angel

Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski

Category: Post Episode Fic

Rating: PG-13 for rude words and slashy m/m implications

Spoilers: For Eclipse and minor ones for Burning Down the House

Author's notes: Kowalski's perspective on some of the events of Eclipse. This is a sort of sequel to "Sunburn in the Evening" though it can probably stand-alone quite well. I used to say I didn't write sequels but I guess the rules are changing <g>.

Disclaimer: All of Due South belongs to Alliance and I am just playing. The title again comes from "Don't need the Sunshine" by Catatonia the song has nothing to do with the story but the line just seemed appropriate for this.

A Most Peculiar Feeling

The Mountie has done it again, thrown me off-balance. I can almost understand the party, if Vecchio always had a party then it makes a weird kinda sense to carry on with that. Even if it is the weirdest party I have ever, well maybe not the weirdest but it is definitely up there amongst the top five. It's the dream catcher thingy that bothers me. It's not that it is a weird gift, although it is one of fucking strangest things I have ever been given. It is a very Fraser gift, not that I have known the guy long but I saw the stuff he brought back from his vacation. The dream catcher looks almost normal compared to that thing he gave Huey. It's beautiful actually. I just can't work out why he gave it to me. It feels off somehow, not part of the game we're playing.

Fraser's enjoying this party. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He is watching Welsh bob for trout and he is smiling, a real smile, not the killer Mountie smile. Welsh raises his dripping head out of the tank and I move away before I give way to the laughter that is seconds away from escaping. Fraser follows me.

"You're very quiet Ray? Is everything alright?" His voice is low and warm near my ear.

"Yeah, yeah. Just thinking ya know." I move away slightly and rub my hand over the back of my neck, trying to smooth the hairs that have risen there.

"About Ellery, you know Ray..."

"Na, well yeah about today really." I didn't wanna talk about this here, in the middle of the squad room. "Do ya wanna get outta here?"

"It's your party, Ray." He is staring at me, a slight frown creasing his brow.

"Not really." I catch a glimpse of pain in those blue eyes before Fraser blinks and the Mountie mask slips back into place. I put my hand on his broad shoulder and squeeze slightly. "I just need to get some stuff straight in my head. Ya stay."

I drop my hand and sneak away from the party. I can feel Fraser's eyes on my back as I leave but I keep moving.

I am half way to Lake before I realise that the dream catcher is still on my desk. "Aw, shit!" I bite my lip, it will be safe enough till tomorrow. At last I reach the lake, I need to be outside and moving. I come up here when I can't face my apartment or the gym or a bar. It was the last place Stella ever thought to look for me when the rows and bitching got too much and I needed to breathe. I find somewhere to park the car and start walking.

I can't get that fucking dream catcher outta my head. It's all I can think about as I walk, not Ellery or anything else that happened today, just that stupid dream catcher. Well not just the dream catcher but what Fraser had said about it as we dodged the bullets in the graveyard. It just didn't make any sense, why give me the dream catcher. He had obviously gone to a lot of trouble and effort to make the thing and it was more than obvious it was intended for the real Ray Vecchio not me. So why? Why give a gift intended for a close friend to the person pretending to be that friend? It is carrying protecting Vecchio's cover to an extreme. Just what was between the Mountie and the man I was supposed to be. I don't think I have ever had a friendship as close as those two seemed to be, even Stella and I.... Don't go there, Kowalski. Sighing I look at my watch and I am stunned to find I have been walking for over an hour, luckily at some point I turned back on myself and I am almost back at the car.

I drive home, pushing the dream catcher to the back of my mind and slamming the door on it firmly. Not a bad day's work, Kowalski, you got the IA bastards off the division's back, ya came face to face with Ellery and let him go. Never woulda thought that would have happened but it was right, weird but right. And Fraser, Fraser had surprised him today, first by tracking him down and then sticking with him while he waited for Ellery. Oh and then by listening to him babble on about Stella. Even more than that Fraser had understood listened and understood. Yeah Fraser and I are gonna be okay. I am grinning foolishly as I park outside my building.

Shower, food and beer, Kowalski. I am trying to remember what if anything I have in the fridge or freezer as I open my apartment door. The lights are on and my hand goes instinctively to my gun before I realise Fraser is sitting on my sofa.

"What the hell? Fraser what ya doing here?" I push the door shut, my voice sharper than I intended.

"Hello, Ray. I hope you don't mind. Your landlady let me in."

"Making a habit of it isn't she?" He's pushed me on to the wrong foot again and I am sick of it.

He looks startled at the edge in my voice. "Ray, it's just that." He stops talking as he catches my eye. "Oh, dear." He stands up and starts walking towards the door.

I take a couple of deep breaths. "Frazuh, Fraze. You scared the life outta me. Sit down." He searches my face and moves back to the sofa.

"Are you okay Ray?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just wasn't expecting to see ya. Do ya wanna a drink or something? Beer, vodka, scotch or something else."

"I don't drink Ray so something else, water or tea?"

"I can do tea." His eyebrows shoot up and he blushes as I grin at him. "I'm not a complete slob ya know."

I make tea for Fraser and pour myself a large scotch. Fraser is flicking through my CD collection when I bring the drinks over. "See anything ya like?"

"I'm not sure, Ray. I haven't heard of a lot of these."

"Just pick one that seems right." I sprawl in my chair and take a long mouthful of scotch.

Fraser closes his eyes and picks a CD at random. He fiddles with the player for a moment and soft bluesy guitar music starts playing.

"So Fraze, what ya doing here?"

"You left this on your desk." He fishes the dream catcher out of his tunic and throws it across to me. "And I was worried about the way you left the party."

"Thanks for this Fraze." I smooth my finger along the rim of the dream catcher. "It's beautiful, ya know." I sip my scotch, trying to work out what to say next, how to say what's been almost jumping off my tongue for the last few hours.

Fraser is watching me over the rim of his mug. I stand up and start pacing. I can't sit still under the gaze of those sharp blue eyes.

"Fraze, can I ask ya something?" I fling myself back into the chair, moving isn't helping.

"Yes, anything Ray." He puts his tea down and looks over, his eyes wide and curious.

I scrub a hand through my hair. "Ya made this for Vecchio didn't ya? The dream catcher I mean."

Fraser sighs, "Yes I did Ray, but..."

I hold up a hand, "So why did ya give it to me?" Ya didn't need to do that to keep the cover going." I hold out the dream catcher to him. "Take it back, Fraze keep it for the real Vecchio. Both you and I know I am not him and this isn't mine."

He shakes his head, "No Ray. I can't do that." He rubs a knuckle over his eyebrow. "It's yours, please keep it."

I stare at him but he refuses to meet my gaze. "Frazuh, I... oh hell. At least tell me why?" I place the dream catcher on the coffee table and pick up my drink.

Fraser stares down his hands for so long that I am almost sure he's forgotten I am there. I finish my scotch and run my finger round the edge of the glass. Just as I am about to speak he raises his head.

"Ray, I want you to have it. To seal our partnership, I meant what I said today, that I would be proud to call you my partner and my friend. I would and I am, and it would mean a lot to me if you would accept the dream catcher."

I can only stare at him, his eyes are dark with old pain but he is smiling. I move across and squat down beside him. I place my hand over his, he jumps but turns his hand to grasp mine.

"Fraze, I... thank you, it's beautiful." I squeeze the broad palm of his hand and swallow past the rock in my throat. I can feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up and tension coiling in my stomach. I stand, sliding my hand from his. He stares up me for a moment, his eyes swirling from dark to light before settling to their usual vivid shade. I smile down at him before I move away, breathing deeply.

I pour myself another scotch, "Have ya eaten yet? I am gonna order pizza."

"Yes, that would be nice. Very nice, Ray."

I smile at him and pick up the phone, Fraser and I are gonna be okay. This is going to work.