Author's disclaimer: Not mine . . . blah-blah-blah.

Author's notes: Comments are always welcomed.

She Knows Benny
by: Jenny Hill

Ray walked away from his cousin's garage shaking his head in disbelief over the realization of what he had done. He still couldn't believe it. The fact that he blew up his original Riv, his baby, the first time Ray could easily explain away as being a necessity. It was done in the line of duty. He did it to save his ass along with the asses of Fraser and that crazy psychopath Ian McDonald. But never before had he placed anyone in front of the Riv like that - as being more important. Not even Angie had been treated as such and she had been married to him. Of course, his ex-wife never caused their lives to be in danger as Fraser did but that was another issue.

This time, Ray didn't need explanations or excuses as to why he put Fraser in front of the Riv in the line of importance in his life. The simple truth to the matter was that he loved the man he did this for, end of subject. He not only loved him but he owed Fraser that much and more for the wrong he did to him.

Fraser had given himself to Ray full-heatedly and Ray had betrayed that bond of trust. He hadn't trusted his best friend and lover enough to believe the truth. He was so full of hate and anger over one man that he couldn't see anything else through the darkness but that hate. He hated Frank Zuko for the hold he had over Irene and all Ray wanted to do was free her from the prison her own brother created. In the end, she was freed but in the end, she was also dead.

Ray knew he had so much to make up to Fraser but in the same breath he also knew Fraser had already forgiven him without even being asked. It was just the same as when Ray had forgiven Fraser for nearly running off with Victoria without even being asked for that forgiveness. There was no choice in the matter of forgiveness. It was as if they forgave each other before the betrayal had even been committed.

The thousands of dollars spent this evening couldn't even cover the damage done but Ray was willing to give it all away if it made the Mountie - his Mountie happy. Ray ruefully shook his head again at the thought of Fraser belonging to anyone, least of all him. Fraser didn't belong to Ray, nor did he belong to Diefenbaker. Not even Victoria had total control over his life but she had been awfully close. If it hadn't been for that bullet . . . Shaking his head for a third time to rid his mind of that dreadful night, Ray approached his car and climbed in. It really wasn't his car but more the car he was currently driving from the motor pool until his new Riv was ready to be driven. He couldn't wait to bring home his third baby. Okay, so she wasn't perfect but she fit the bill and at least the next time she met an untimely demise, it wouldn't hurt so much.

It had been a long day and all Ray wanted to do was go home, take a long, hot shower and crawl under the covers to sleep until his body woke up on its own natural accord. After everything that had happened: flirting with Irene to irritate her brother, Louis Gardino's death, alienating his best friend and Irene's own death, facing Fraser was the last thing he felt like doing - even when he knew it was inevitable to happen - the confrontation. He couldn't ignore his own lover forever.

When he arrived at home, everyone present in the house were too busy with various chores that they didn't even notice the exhausted detective enter his own home and sneak upstairs to his bedroom. Shucking off his coat, hat, jacket, shirt and trousers, Ray grabbed his robe and headed to the bathroom for the long awaited shower but the nice relaxing shower was not to be had in a house full of Vecchios.

First there was Maria who came in looking for her eldest daughter's brush. Ray's next visit was from Francesca who needed to finish her hair and make-up for a date with some guy she had met in the meat section of the local grocery store. Following Francesca was his brother-in-law Tony who for some reason or another had decided at that very moment that a good flossing was required. He seemed to think a flossing was required after drinking a can of pop.

The final Vecchio chose to make her appearance the minute Ray stepped out of the shower and the fact that she was his mother was the only thing that saved her from a severe tongue lashing but it didn't keep him from voicing his protest in the matter. "Ma, I'm naked here!" Ray shouted as he quickly wrapped a towel around his waste.

"Caro, I can see that. I use to put diapers on that bottom so I don't believe there is a problem here. Anyway, I have more pressing matters to speak to you about," Mrs. Vecchio retorted as she closed the door behind her and just stood staring at her son.

"Now? We have to discuss whatever here and now. Can't it wait until I'm dressed and out of the bathroom?"

"No Caro, now," his mother insisted and there was determination in her eyes.

Hesitantly, Ray agreed. "Okay . . ." Ray stood across the room from his mother with his arms crossed against his chest.

Mrs. Vecchio was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke in an effort to build up her courage to confront her son. When she did speak, there was no hiding the disapproving tone in her voice. "Why have you done this Raymondo? Why?"

Clueless, Ray asked, "Done what Ma? What have I done?"

"Don't think me a fool Raymondo. I am your mother," Mrs. Vecchio scolded. "Why did I have to hear about this second hand, hmmm? I denied it at first, thinking you would never do such a thing but when Martha Campanaro told me her son saw you and Benton . . . there was not denying it anymore. Do you know what kind of fool I looked to be, not knowing what my own son was up to?"

"Ma . . . I can explain." The light bulb finally registered in his tired brain as being on but Ray didn't really know what he could say to explain to his mother about what he and Fraser had done. At least not in a way she would understand, he was certain of that. His mother gave him a look that told him she was waiting for said explanation. "Ah . . . Ma . . . Benny and I love each other . . ." That was all he could come up with.

"And this excuses it?"

Ray shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not trying to make excuses here, Ma. I'm not ashamed of what we've done. There is no reason for us to be."

"What are the neighbors going to say when they find out? Because they will, you know that, don't you? You know that once Martha knows it, the whole neighborhood knows it. What do I tell my friends?"

Ray was shaking his head, not understanding why he had to defend his actions to the people in his own neighborhood, half of them he didn't even know. It was his life and he could do with it as he pleased. Anyway, what he had done didn't effect anyone else in the slightest. "Why do you have to tell them anything? It's none of their business, Ma."

She saw her son didn't understand that this was just not something a good, Catholic boy went out and did - to taint his body like that. "Because they will ask and they will want to know why my son has done this. That is why."

Ray rolled his eyes, a gesture he knew his mother hated but he was exasperated. "I don't care what you tell them, Ma. They are your friends, not mine." Ray hated the tone he was using with his mother but he was angry and she was the person he was angry with. Well, it wasn't so much her but the definition society placed in her head as to what being good meant. "I don't care what anyone else thinks. Tell them the truth. Tell them that Benny and I love each other and this is what we've chosen to do to express our love for one another. Tell them it's none of their business. Or, if you choose, you can tell them I lost my mind and the devil made me do it. Would that make it all better? That I didn't do it out of my own free will? Because I really don't care." Ray was breathing hard with the escalated tone he was using and took a deep breath before continuing in a quieter tone. "I just hope that you, my mother, will understand."

Mrs. Vecchio looked at her son whom she could see was tired. She knew as much when she first walking into the bathroom but this conversation seemed to drain his remaining energy. "You are not helping your mother very much here," she stated as she crossed the room. "I can't promise you anything." She looked into her son's eyes. "I love you very much Caro. You are my son and nothing can ever change that. I love Benton too. He is like a son to me as well. I just don't understand why you've done this but I will try to understand." She leaned in and placed a kiss on her son's cheek. "Now, get dressed," she admonished. "Before you catch your death of cold."

Ray smiled to himself as he watched his mother turn and leave the bathroom. He followed directly behind her and when the door was closed, he locked it, resting his head on its flat surface. Not only had his relaxing shower been interrupted but his relaxing evening was shot now too and to boot, he didn't want to be in that house anymore. Ray wanted to be with the person he loved and he only hoped Fraser wanted him there too.

Ray climbed the stairs as he always did but it was a much more peaceful ascent. All occupants of the apartment building were quiet that evening and Ray couldn't help but think that all were safe, too. Fraser made certain of that. All it took was one good man and a willingness to fight the system and the rest just fell into place. It all made Ray certain that he did the right thing but right or wrong, if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't have changed a thing.

Reaching the third floor landing, Ray turned the corner and began heading towards Fraser's apartment. The feeling of being watched caused Ray to look up from his fixed stare on the floor and when he did, his eyes locked with the warm amber ones of his friend's wolf. Diefenbaker's nose was sticking out through a hole in the temporary make shift door. Ray still couldn't believe what developer John Taylor did to ensure the quick purchase of this building but he was grateful no one, especially Benny, was seriously injured.

"Hey, Dief," Ray greeted as he brushed the wolf's head through the hole in the door. Diefenbaker accepted the touch and then backed away from the door to allow Ray entrance.

Seeing the latch was broken and the use of the doorknob being pointless, Ray pushed the door open. The sight he beheld amazed him. The apartment was clean. If Ray hadn't seen the door, he would never have been any the wiser as to what John Taylor's goons had done to the apartment. "Benny?" Ray called out but there was no response and panning the small apartment, there was no Fraser to be found. Ray could only assume he was somewhere in the tenancy thanking who ever for what ever or trying to borrow some appliance to only end up repairing it before he returned it.

Diefenbaker stood next to Ray, looking up, waiting to see what he was going to do next: stay, leave, sneak him a treat. Diefenbaker was hoping for the latter of the options - especially before his Alpha pack mate returned (or at least he let Fraser think he was the Alpha of this pack). "Dief, where'd Benny go?" Ray asked the deaf wolf as he moved to the kitchen window not waiting for any kind of response. He took up a position looking out of the window overlooking the darkened city. It was late and way beyond the Mountie's usual bedtime. Ray stood in silence at the window and just waited.

He hadn't expected nor wanted his mother to find out this way for he knew she wouldn't be pleased with him or understand his thinking for that matter and she didn't. He was 35 years old and still she treated him like a child. He knew she loved him and Fraser both, there was no denying it but they had done something that she was totally against and it was going to take her a great deal of time to warm up to the idea. Ray breathed a heavy sigh that was accompanied by one from Diefenbaker who sat at his feet, in vigilant guard.

The charity Fraser had received was unexpected. All of his fellow neighbors had pitched in, without being asked, to help clean up his apartment and within an hour they had it looking as good as the day he had moved in. Sure he needed to buy a few replacement items, a new bowl for Diefenbaker being the number one priority on that list first thing in the morning. Fraser knew he was the Alpha but some days he had to question the order of seniority as the wolf perceived it.

After thanking each and every one of his neighbors personally, Fraser was on his way back to his apartment. His apartment, thank God, he could still say that. "His apartment." It wasn't looking too promising for a while there. No one seemed to care. Well, there was one person who did care. Receiving charity from his neighbors was one thing but to receive charity from Ray, the person who gave so much of himself already, was a hard pill to swallow.

Ray had given so much of himself to Fraser already that the money he used to fill the City Counsel meeting was more than Fraser felt he deserved. He didn't deserve the gifts he received daily - love, support, family, friendship but he could never turn these gifts away because even though he felt he didn't deserve them he also knew he couldn't live without them either.

Entering his apartment, Fraser was surprised not to be met by his wolf but when he saw the still figure of his lover at the window and Diefenbaker's position at his feet, he understood. Ray didn't even flinch when Fraser entered the apartment. He was oblivious to his presence.

Diefenbaker's attention moved from Ray to Fraser as Fraser approached from behind, wrapping his arms around Ray and resting his chin of his shoulder. "This is a surprise Ray. I wasn't expecting to see you tonight." Fraser commented giving Ray a gentle squeeze.

Ray closed his eyes, luxuriating in the love he received from this man without asking, without effort. Fraser gave him love freely. It was an act just recently learned by the Mountie and yet it wasn't a hard lesson for him to learn when it was Ray he loved. He had loved Ray even before he truly knew what love was. Ray placed his arms around Fraser's. "It's okay that I'm here . . . Isn't it Benny?"

The fact he even had to ask told Fraser there was something wrong. "Of course Ray. You are always welcome here. I don't even know why you ask. Truthfully, I'd prefer it if you never left." Fraser placed a kiss on the side of Ray's neck then asked, "What's wrong?"

Ray dropped his head as he quietly responded, "She knows, Benny."

Fraser's embrace on Ray stiffened as he asked for clarification. "Who knows what Ray?"

Ray turned around in Fraser's loosening hold to face him and looking Fraser directly in the eye he said, "Ma knows."

"Your mother knows?"

Ray nodded his head in confirmation. "Yeah, she knows."

"Oh dear." Fraser stood there for a few seconds, letting the information filter through his brain in an effort to understand the full meaning of the words. "How does she know? I thought we weren't going to tell her?"

Ray gently pulled out of Fraser's hold, moving away and he began pacing. "We weren't."

"What happened Ray?"

Ray stopped his pacing at a position facing Fraser, took a deep breath and began the small explanation. "A friend of hers told her."

"What?" Fraser questioned not understanding how someone he didn't know would know before Ray's own mother.

"Ya see, her son must have seen us and . . ."

"Oh," Fraser stopped the further explanation. "He saw us where?"

Ray shrugged his shoulders and threw up his hands. "I don't know. I will assume at the parlor."

Nodding his head, Fraser then understood. "What did your mother say?"

"She's not happy Benny, what did you think her reaction would be? That was the reason we weren't gonna tell her, remember?" Ray's voice was a little terse and he didn't want it to be but he was angry. He was angry that someone else had taken the reigns of his life and was steering it in a direction he wasn't ready to go.

"Ray . . ."

"I think I better go," Ray said as he turned to leave. He didn't want to go but it was all he knew to do at the time.

Ray's departure was halted when Fraser came up behind him, wrapping an arm around his waste, pulling him near. "Don't go."

The request was like all the other requests Fraser ever made. It was a request Ray couldn't refuse. Ray stood there, being held against Fraser and the reassurance he felt made him begin to believe all was not lost. "I want to stay here tonight." The words were whispered as if Fraser would refuse the request but as much as Ray could never refuse Fraser of anything, Fraser could never refuse any of Ray's requests either.

"I would like that very much, Ray." Fraser brought his other arm around Ray and held him closer. "What ever troubles you, troubles me as well. Please don't shut me out."

That statement startled Ray. It was usually the other way around and now he knew how Fraser felt when he got this way. Ray turned around and took Fraser's face in his hands. "I'm sorry Benny," he said before he leaned in and kissed Fraser gently on the lips. "I'm so sorry."

Fraser looked at Ray questioningly and said, "There is nothing to feel sorry for Ray."

Shaking his head Ray countered Fraser's comment. "Yes there is. There is a mess of things I need forgiveness for and I shouldn't be afraid to ask for it but I am. I fear there is nothing I can say that will grant me that forgiveness. I'm sorry for everything; for Irene and Frankie and Louis; I'm sorry for the way I treated you then and I'm sorry for not trusting you." Ray couldn't stand being that close to Fraser so he pulled away from the embrace but he remained near.

"Ray, there is nothing I need to forgive you for. If anyone truly needs forgiveness here, it is me."

Ray knew where this was going and he was shaking his head again in denial of the request being asked. "No Benny . . . no. Don't ask it."

"What Ray? You don't think I need to ask this of you? You think I don't need you to forgive me for nearly ruining your life? I don't deserve all you do for me. You have given me more than I have the capability of returning and yet you keep on giving. Why?" Fraser wasn't expecting such a discussion now but here it was and it seemed best to get it out in the open finally instead of continuing to push it under the rug, hoping never to see it again.

Ray's eyes softened as he replied, nearly whispering, "I would give you the world Benny, if I could but I can't. I can only give what I have and that isn't nearly enough."

"I don't want the world Ray. All I want is you."

"But you already have me, Benny."

Fraser smiled at the knowledge of that being the truth. "I know Ray. I know." He moved closer to Ray before he continued, placing a hand on Ray's shoulder. "Ray, if you must hear the words, I do forgive you. I forgave you before I even knew you needed forgiveness. I never held you accountable for the circumstances revolving around Irene and Frank Zuko. I understood what you were going through and what you were trying to do."

"But I hurt you . . . I didn't mean to but I did."

"And I've hurt you too. So, where does that leave us?"

Ray reached up and took hold of Fraser's hand, bringing it down between them, holding it in both of his. "I love you Benny." They were the only words Ray could say that wouldn't have him sobbing like a fool in from of his lover.

Fraser smiled again, loving being able to hear those words come from Ray. He would never tire of them. Taking his free hand, Fraser took hold of Ray's chin and kissed him tenderly on the mouth. "I love you too Ray, never forget that." There was no mistaking Ray's fatigue and if he did miss the unwritten signs, the yawn that followed was a dead give away. Tugging gently on the hands that held his own, Fraser said, "Come on Ray, I think it's your bedtime."

Ray let himself be led to Fraser's bed and once he was standing next to it, Fraser slipped his hands up the front of Ray's chest and over his shoulders, removing his wool, winter coat. Once he had it off, Fraser delicately laid the coat across the bottom of his bed.

Next came the green sweater that made Ray's eyes shine even more with the color than they normally did. Taking hold on the bottom of the sweater, Fraser began pulling it up. Ray lifted his arms to assist in its removal and once Ray was free of the sweater, Fraser folded it properly and placed it next to the coat.

When Fraser brought his attention back to Ray, he was already removing his own T-shirt and Fraser suppressed a laugh at how impatient his lover could be. Ray tossed his T-shirt on the floor and began moving to his belt but Fraser's hands halted him. "Please." Ray relinquished the hold on his belt and let Fraser continue with his task.

Before moving to his pants, Fraser knelt down in front of Ray to remove his shoes and sox. Ray's belt buckle was a cinch to unbuckle. Nothing compared to the difficulty of the Sam Browne. Leaving the belt in the belt loops, Fraser moved to the pant's button and zipper. And once again, there was little difficulty in unfastening and unzipping Ray's slacks. Fraser's own jodhpurs had given him plenty of practice and were far more difficult.

The loosened pants slid easily down Ray's slender hips and before Fraser could retrieve them from the floor to fold them as well, Ray stepped out of them and kicked them aside. The action took Fraser by surprise and when he stood straight up, he and Ray were locked in a stare that spoke volumes. Their eyes shined with the love each man felt for one another. Ray was the first to break their silence. "You want to see it, don't you?"
Fraser's breath caught at the fact that Ray knew what he wanted and he nodded his head as he watched Ray remove his own briefs. Standing back up at full attention, Ray watched as Fraser's eyes wandered slowly from his own, down to the place in question. It was the reason he was here and the reason his mother was not happy with him but one look at Fraser and all that didn't matter anymore. This made Fraser happy and that was all that mattered.

"You belong to me," Fraser said as he knelt down in front of Ray for the second time, staring at the mark on Ray's navel.

Ray ran his hands through the thick brown hair and chuckled at the words Fraser chose to use but agreed with him. "I will always belong to you Benny, always."

Fraser leaned forward and placed a kiss on the tattoo marking Ray as Fraser's. It was in the likeness of an Inukshuk and across one of the larger rocks, the name, "Benny" was spelled out across. It was a design Fraser had created at Ray's request and it was beautiful. There were still days Ray couldn't believe he had actually gone through with it but when all was said and done, he knew he had made the right decision no matter what the neighborhood thought.

Against his own will, Ray yawned for the second time that night and that brought Fraser's attention away from the tattoo to focus on Ray himself. His exhaustion over weighed any arousal he could be feeling at that moment. "Lay down Ray." And as always, Ray complied with the request. Though this time, it wasn't just because Fraser had asked but also because he was extremely tired.

Ray pulled the neatly tucked covers back and climbed in the bed while Fraser moved to pick up the discarded clothing and move the coat and sweater he had placed on the bed previously. Ray watched as Fraser did these chores, waiting for Fraser to join him but it didn't look like that was going to happen any time soon at the rate he was going. "Hey Benny?"

Fraser turned his head to look at Ray. "Yes?"

Ray propped himself up on his elbows and asked, "Are you gonna join me here or what?"

"Yes, Ray, I just wanted to straighten a few things up first, that is all." Fraser returned to his chores.

Ray sighed. "Benny, if you don't join me now, I may not be awake when you do and I would like to enjoy a few moments with you before I conk out here, if you know what I mean. And anyway, I believe it is way past your bedtime."

Fraser blushed at the comment as he set Ray's neatly folded clothes on the table in the kitchen and turned to join Ray. On his way, Fraser began undressing, as it was customary for them to sleep together with no barriers separating them. Once he was standing next to the bed in his boxers alone, Ray stared at him, waiting for the final curtain to be dropped.

Slowly, Fraser pushed his boxers down and when he stood before Ray with nothing to hide behind, there was nothing for him to fear for he loved this man with his entire soul and Ray loved him back just as much if not even more.

Ray reached up and placed a hand over Fraser's hip, over his name, over his own marking and smiled. "Do you belong to me Benny?" It was a question he hadn't dared to ask before. He never wanted to know the answer to it before in fear the answer was no. For as much as Ray dedicated himself to this man, he never expected anything in return.

Releasing his breath, Fraser replied, "Only you, Ray."

Fraser proceeded to crawl into bed next to Ray and they both seemed to come together with very little fuss. Their bodies knowing where each part belonged. Once they were settled, Ray with his back against Fraser's chest and a protective arm around Ray's waste, both men relaxed into a sleep that their bodies craved, knowing they were safe, secure and loved. Knowing they were where they belonged.

The End