Why
By Postcard
Rating: - R. Episode Related. Death. Drama. H/C. Romance. Humour. Violence.
Pairings: - Caroline Pinsent-Fraser/Robert (Bob) Fraser. Bob Fraser/Ellen Stern. Slight Caroline/Buck Frobisher. Buck Frobisher/Anna Frobisher.
Teaser: - Why do events happen in life? Are they all a chain reaction for a greater event? Is there a purpose to everything that happens?
Disclaimer: - The Due South characters in this story are not mine and anything else Due South isn't mine either. I do not mean to infringe on copyrights held by any copyright holders for Due South. The story however is mine (copyright February/March 2001 by Postcard on all original story content.) The songs in this story are not mine and I do not mean to infringe on any copyrights. Please do not reproduce for anything other than personal reading without the written consent of author. This story is not written for profit and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.
Author's note: - This story is basically about Caroline and Bob. It is part (a big chunk) of their life and death story. Why did all of the events happen to them? Did they happen in order for other things to happen? I pondered this and ended up writing this story.
The fact that Benton's mother died, he grew up with his grandparents, his father died, he was betrayed by Gerrard whom he had known all of his life and trusted…Did all of the things in this story shape his character and push him to do the good that he has done in the show?
I have sat for hours trying to put the series in some sort of order for this story and I have tried to stick to the facts as best I can, however, I have adapted some parts to fit into the story. You will find a lot of the actual programme events and dialogue in my story---I do not make any claim that those parts are my own, because they are not, as I am sure you will notice. I needed to put them into the story so that in would make sense to the reader.
I would like to say TYK to Jamie, Kiki, Blink, zzzaney, Tanya Reed and Marybeth. Hope you all enjoy reading this and any constructive comments are welcome at postcard@manutd.com
1956
Yukon, Canada
The crisp white air was bitterly cold even for the Yukon. Icicles hung like shimmering Christmas decorations from the wooden buildings of the small town. Though wrapped up as warmly as she could achieve in her furs, Caroline was still frozen through to the core. Picking her way across the snow packed ground, Caroline tried to skilfully balance her grocery's in her shivering arms. Crossing the street towards her home, Caroline lost her footing and, falling, she followed her groceries towards the ground.
Before she hit the snow, a pair of strong arms caught her from behind. At the same time, another pair of arms quickly caught her falling groceries. Caroline gripped the pair of arms that were around her in an effort to steady herself. Regaining her balance, Caroline started to turn around to look at the owner of the arms that had stopped her fall. While she turned around, holding onto him, the arms continued to hold her tightly. Standing nose to nose, Caroline looked into his face.
The handsome face looked back at her with genuine concern. "Are you all right, ma'am?" His blue eyes looked into hers, holding her gaze. She could see strands of sandy brown hair escaping out from under the rim of his brown fur hat. "Yes. Thank you---for…for halting my fall." She smiled at him. He smiled back, a cute boyish smile that melted her heart. "You're most welcome." They remained holding one another, looking into each other's eyes for several moments, as if there were just the two of them in the universe, before another male voice broke the spell. "Arhem! Your groceries ma'am." As if for the first time they realised their close position and letting go of each other, both blushed.
Turning to the new voice, Caroline smiled at the man holding her groceries. This man was taller than the first, with blond hair protruding out from under an identical fur hat. He also had blue eyes, but his blue eyes were lacking something that the other man's eyes had. He handed them back to her. "Thank you. The groceries would have been ruined if I had dropped them, so you have saved me another trip to the store." She brought some humour into her voice and giving a little shrug, smiled light heartedly. The blond man nodded at her and gave her back one of his goofy smiles. "I'm glad to have helped."
"Erm, here, let me carry those for you!" The young man with the sandy brown hair politely offered. Caroline shook her head. "That's very kind of you, but I can manage." He seemed unsure, but noticing her stubborn look, he nodded in gentlemanly defeat anyway. "At least let me…" "Arhem!" "Erm, I mean us, walk you home! These streets are treacherous." "Yes. All right." Both men smiled in relief.
The man with the sandy brown hair introduced himself; "I'm Bob. Well, actually Robert, but most people call me Bob. Bob Fraser." He tilted his head to one side and back again. "Constable Bob Fraser, with the RCMP." He held his hand out to her, then realising she couldn't shake it because of the groceries, awkwardly he quickly withdrew it. Caroline smiled, amused. "Pleased to meet you Constable Fraser." "Oh, Bob, please."
She nodded. "I'm Caroline. Caroline Pinsent." She looked from one man to the other as she spoke, so that the introduction was politely directed at both of them. "Caroline!" Bob mused out loud. "That's a nice name." "Thank you." Politely turning from Bob to the other man, she inquired, "And are you in the police too?" "Er, yes. Yes. Constable Buck Frobisher at your service." He nodded courteously at her and smiled; she returned it. "Duncan really, but I'm nicknamed Buck. I'm told it's a pet name, but I'm not so sure…but that's another story!"
Caroline forced back a laugh at Buck's rambling and at his creased puzzled expression on his face. Bob smirked at Buck's query about his nickname. For Bob knew Duncan had been christened 'Buck' due to being repeatedly bucked of his temperamental horse 'Bucket.' The image brought an amused smile to Bob's face. "Won't you gentlemen join me for dinner?" Caroline asked. Both men exchanged hopeful glances at each other. "We, er, wouldn't want to impose!" Buck said.
"It's no imposition."
"In that case, we'd be delighted," Bob said.
Just as she had started to fall that day, both men fell in love with the beautiful young woman with the long auburn hair.
* * * * *
April 23rd 1957
60 Miles North of Destruction Bay, Yukon, Canada.
Twenty year old Bob Fraser stood beside his partner Buck Frobisher, at the edge of the deep gorge known as 'The Black Hole." A rope bridge spanned the large canyon. On the opposite side of the bridge, between two Douglas Firs, a deviant was holding Caroline hostage. He was clutching her closely to him, pressing a knife against her throat, unabling her to get away from his grip. Neither Bob nor Buck could stand to see this 'animal' touching Caroline. Over the past few weeks the deviant had been making advances towards her and Caroline had refused. The deviant had seen Caroline being friendly with Bob and Buck, and subsequently in a jealous rage, he had kidnapped her. Screeching that "She was his! And if he couldn't have her, nobody could!" Bob and Buck had chased him to this stand off at the edge of the Canyon. They were determined to rescue Caroline before any hurt came to her. It was now or never though, because at any second they knew that the deviant was going to cut the bridge so that they would have no way across. There was one problem though---they only had two cartridges and one rifle between them.
The deviant moved the knife away from Caroline's neck, and still holding her in front of him as a shield; he bent to cut the rope.
They needed to shoot the man's arm so that he would drop the knife, and Caroline could get it. It was now or never to make the shot and rescue Caroline.
The shot was a tricky shot too---'a near impossible shot' Buck thought, 'fifty-fifty either way that they pull it off.' Bob was more of the positive frame of mind that 'no angle was impossible.' But still, it was a difficult one. Over the past year each man had been vying for the attention and heart of Caroline, and each knew that whoever made this shot would secure the love of Caroline.
Buck knew that Bob was really the one that Caroline loved. It hurt like crazy, but Buck knew what he must do, he was a good man at heart. Placing a cartridge in the rifle, Buck aimed the gun and took the first shot---his shot. It was a difficult shot, and Buck's heart wasn't in it because Caroline's heart belonged to Bob, his friend. Buck knew he must let Bob make the shot. Subsequently, Buck missed. The shot hit the tree to the left of the deviant.
The deviant's temper was angered. He started to rise, to put the knife once more against Caroline's slender throat.
Before he could get the knife to her throat, Bob quickly took the rifle from Buck and loaded the last cartridge. Aiming, Bob then closed his eyes and fired what would be from that day on, referred to as "The Great Yukon Double Douglas Fir Telescoping Bank Shot."
Opening his eyes, Bob saw the deviant collapse onto the floor. His shot had hit the target---right in the man's knife shoulder. Bob had won the shooting match and most importantly---Caroline. For she had grabbed the knife and after throwing it over the edge of the canyon, she was running across the bridge to him.
Bob dropped the rifle on the ground and ran onto the bridge to meet her half way. In the middle of the bridge they embraced one another. Shaking, Caroline buried her head in the crook of his neck. She started to cry. Bob soothingly stroked her hair. "It's all right now, Caroline. It's all right. You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you." He kissed the top of her head. Caroline stopped sobbing. "You love me?" "Yes. Yes, I do." Caroline smiled through her wet eyes. "I love you too, Bob." Bob grinned happily at her and then hugged her tightly to him. Pulling back, he looked her in the eyes. "Will you marry me Caroline?" Without hesitation Caroline replied, "Yes. Of course I'll marry you." They smiled. Holding Caroline safely in his arms, Bob kissed her lips for the first time.
Stood on the bank, Buck's heart surged with a mixture of emotions. He was both painfully sad and joyfully happy. Sad, for seeing Caroline kissing Bob and knowing she'd never be with him. Happy, that Caroline was safe and for the love each of his friends had for one another.
You can't choose who you love, love chooses you. Shaking his head, Buck thought---
Why?
Why did he have to fall in love with a woman who didn't love him, but loved his friend?
Shrugging his shoulders, he thought---between men and women there are things which arise---feelings. Nuff said!
August 1957
The Rat, Northwest Territories, Canada
Their honeymoon was spent not on an exotic island with a warm climate and a romantic feel in the air, as Caroline had always dreamed off. But of all the destinations in the world, it was spent at "The Rat," Bob's new posting in the frozen wilderness of the far north of Canada. No palm trees, no sand, no warm breeze and no exotic culture---just a snow blizzard and, ice and snow for miles upon miles.
Approaching their new home---their first home, Caroline didn't feel the exhilaration she imagined she would. She had a terrible sinking feeling, as though someone had cut a hole in the bottom of a boat and it was sinking further and further below the water. But instead of a boat, the nearer they got to their home and Bob kept saying, "Not much farther now," the more she was engulfed in snow and ice. A cultured woman used to the theatre and the hustle and bustle of a town, arriving at their home, Caroline felt thoroughly depressed---there was nothing. Nothing. Just their cabin, barn and snow.
Dismounting, they settled the horses into the barn. Carrying their belongings to the cabin door, Bob placed the bag he was carrying on the floor, before taking the bag from her hand and doing the same. He opened the door. Then, scooping Caroline up into his arms, he carried a giggling Caroline over the threshold.
After bringing their belongings into the cabin, they sat on the floor together in front of the newly made roaring log fire. Caroline leaned her head back against her husband's chest. Arms around her waist, he hugged her. "So, what do you think of our home?" Bob asked. Caroline looked around the cabin. It wasn't much, but it was their home and she loved it. All as it needed was a woman's touch and it would look a million times better. Now, the area…! So far, she hated it. "I think the cabin is---quaint. I like it. It needs a bit of sprucing up of course, but non-the less it's homely. I feel comfortable here." Caroline took a deep breath. "The landscape though Bob…it's so desolate. It will take a lot of getting used to." "That's natural honey. But, give it time and you'll settle in!"
Turning in his arms to look him in the face, she smiled. Her sweet smile always warmed his heart and happily, he smiled back. Slowly, he brought his lips towards hers and softly kissed her. Responding in kind, she put her arms around his neck, pulling him closer into the kiss. Slipping his strong, but gentle arms underneath her, he lifted her up and carried her to their bed, where they made love for the first time.
Some weeks later…
Huddled beside the log fire together, Bob tried his hardest to comfort her. All he wanted to do was to make her happy, but everything he said seemed to irritate her. He wasn't perturbed. He knew it wasn't him she was angry at, it was the unknown. Underneath she was apprehensive of being in the middle of nowhere. It was understandable; she was used to town life. He reasoned it would take a while for her to settle in. All as he could do was to hold her in his arms and reassure her.
Caroline couldn't stand the isolation and snow; it was nearly driving her batty. Bob didn't seem to mind "The Rat" at all. When Caroline complained, he kept pointing out of the cabin window and saying they had "A marvellous view of the strip-mine!" The strip-mine!!! Who bloody cares? The name alone, "The Rat," didn't exactly conjure up a romantic atmosphere! Caroline wondered 'what in the name of sanity had she let herself in for!' But feeling her husband's arms around her, and quickly turning her head to look at her husband, her heart skipped a beat and she couldn't hide a smile. No, she didn't really regret marrying him. His optimism alone was intoxicating. And she supposed 'at least I'm with the man I love! They do say, "home is where the heart is!"'
* * * * *
January 1958
Ft. Nelson, British Columbia, Canada
During their first year of marriage, Bob was transferred to Ft. Nelson. Caroline was more than relieved to get away from "The Rat." Upon arrival at Ft. Nelson though, she soon found out that the sparten barracks weren't much better than their first home. At Ft. Nelson the names alone nearly drove her 'around the bend.' It wasn't as desolate though. She prayed that Bob would eventually be posted somewhere decent---and soon!
Caroline spent most of her days reading Shakespeare. Sometimes at night they would both sit together beside the log fire and take on parts, they had their own little play. She was constantly surprised and pleased at the amount of knowledge Bob had. That was another thing she loved about him, the fact that he was not only handsome, but clever too.
Other nights they would dance together. They had no music, but that didn't matter. Instead they danced to the sweet music inside their heads and to the rhythm of each other's heart. Both were skilful dancers. Caroline loved to be in Bob's arms, with her head rested lightly against his and gliding slowly across their own private dance floor---the wooden cabin floor. Dancing could be extremely sensual. Bob revelled in the feel of Caroline's sturdy, but attractive body brushing against his. The way her hair bounced as it cascaded down her back and the scent---purely tantalising.
Bob was away a lot, sometimes for weeks on end and it could get really lonely. She didn't even have the dogs for company as when he left he took them with him to pull the sled. The only people she had the company of were other RCMP officers. Caroline missed the sisterly friendship of other women.
Gerrard, Bob's best friend on the force, came around frequently. Bob thought the world of him, but Caroline never felt completely comfortable with him. There was a ratness about his eyes that she didn't like. She got a feeling---a bad feeling about this man---something she couldn't shake off. She had chosen her words carefully and discussed it with Bob, only she hadn't chosen her words carefully enough as they had got into an argument over it. He had accused her of being "nervy" because of the isolate surroundings. And he had scoffed at her "woman's intuition." Both had caused Caroline great offence and subsequently, she had made him sleep outside with the dogs until he had apologised.
Buck also would come around from time to time, and Caroline always liked to see him---he was sweet. Bob didn't seem to get along with Buck too good. They seemed friendly enough on the surface, but there was always an undercurrent lurking between them. Caroline was a very perceptive woman, she knew that the reason for the slight rift was her---both men loved her. Sometimes she felt guilty for the void between the two men and for hurting Buck, he was such a kind and gentle man. But love is love, and she loved Bob.
Over the top of her book, she looked at the man she loved and smiled. Bob sat behind his large wooden desk, the shirt of his brown uniform unbuttoned at the top showing his white Henley. As per usual, when he was writing up his paperwork, his left arm was stretched out across the table. Brow creased in concentration. And to Caroline's amusement or irritation, depending on her mood and whether she was reading or not, he always subconsciously hummed and sang while he wrote. While some people chewed the top of their pen, instead, Bob hummed a tune. He was rather a good singer too. Occasionally, if he were trying to think a serious problem through, she would watch him pick up the snow-dome on his desk that she had bought him as a birthday gift.
Caroline was very proud of her husband. Robert Fraser was already a legend in the north. Stories of how he pursued criminals anywhere, through any kind of mess circulated the country. And furthermore, he always brought them back alive. It continually amazed Caroline how he could persuade even the most harden criminal to give himself up. She knew he could look after himself, but still…she worried that something would happen to him. She wouldn't let herself dwell on that though. Worrying, what good did it ever do!
Closing her book, she stood up, placed it on her rocking chair and walked over to him. Standing behind him, she put her hands on his shoulders and kneaded them. He groaned in pleasure. She kissed the side of his face, near to his ear. She spoke in between kisses, "Bob!" "Hmm?" She wrapped her arms lovingly around him. "Bob, why don't we have a child! I really want to start a family!"
She felt his body tense up. Cracking his neck, he said, "Now Caroline, now is not the time to get broody." "Broody! Only you could put it like that. I want a child Bob. I'm ready for a child." "I really don't have time for this now, Caroline." He literally jumped up out of his chair and nervously started to stack his paperwork. "Why?" Caroline put her hands on her hips and pulled 'the face'---a long stare, with her eyebrows raised. It always broke Bob's armour.
"W-why? Bob stuttered. "Yes. Why?" "Why? Er…I…I have to feed the dogs. Yes, that's it, I have to feed the dogs." He nodded, pleased with himself for coming up with an answer. "And after that?" Caroline prodded. She was not being put off that easily. "I have to get this paperwork off." "Oh, don't be selfish Bob. Or is it that you're scared?" Caroline goaded him. "Scared! No, of course I'm not scared. I just don't have the time, that's all," Bob said defensively. "So, when are we going to find some spare time of yours for you to give us a child?" "Another time." Bob stated the obvious and dashed out of the cabin.
It wasn't that he didn't want a child, but---come on---a child!!! The cost! The time! The responsibility! Not that he was one for shirking his responsibilities, but---well, they'd only just been married a year. There was plenty of time for children. And knowing Caroline, whom he believed he did very well, once they'd had one child, she'd want another, and another and another…
Arrrgh!
The thought made Bob's eyes nearly pop out of his head, and he shook his head repeatedly in an attempt to shake the image.
* * * * *
1959
Clyde River, Yukon, Canada
Just north of Clyde River, Caroline stared in shocked disbelief at what was left of their home---ashes. Everything that they owned was destroyed. The cabin had been burnt right down to the ground. She felt like crying. Hearing Bob's "Oh dear!" pushed her over the edge and she let the tears flow freely. Bob's arms encircled her and pulled her to him. Angrily she pushed him away. "Don't even touch me, you moron!" "Please don't be like that Caroline! I'm sorry. I really am." Caroline looked at him with contempt. "SORRY! So you should be. You've just burned our home to the ground." Bob looked sheepish and cracked his neck. "I-it was a…a kerosene error. I didn't deliberately intend to do this!" Clenching her fists, Caroline glared at him. Fearing she might thump him, Bob took a few steps back. "I'll build us a new one," Bob said and gave her an apologetic look. "And where are we going to sleep until you do?" "Oh, that should be no problem! I'll build us an igloo. We should be as warm as a bug in a rug." "You what! In an igloo!" Caroline shouted at him. Bob shrugged his shoulders. "I'll get on to it right away." Watching him set to work, she shook her head in dismay.
Hunched inside the igloo together, Bob tried to clear the air so to speak, and start up a conversation with his wife. Caroline just scowled at him and pouting, turned away. She didn't feel like talking to him right now. And so she took a vow of silence that lasted for two days and to his distress wouldn't talk to him or look at him.
The close proximity of each other thawed the ice of their relationship. With only having the clothes they stood up in, they had no choice when they were drying them after being washed in the nearby river, but to cuddle up to each other, naked, underneath the furs Bob had managed to skin for them. It was either---freeze to death, or---cuddle up to each other for warmth. Both chose the latter.
They slept in the igloo together for four months while Bob rebuilt the cabin. It was the longest time they ever spent together. In fact, all of that time spent together in that igloo started the ball rolling for conception.
During that time, making love was the best way of keeping warm that Bob could possibly think of. Bob loved to run his hands along Caroline's soft body and he watched in blissful fascination as her back arched and she moaned in pleasure. Her nails always dug into his shoulders as she pulled him tighter to her, wanting more. And more he gave her.
After making love, Caroline regularly lay in Bob's arms and relaxingly stroked his hair. She smiled happily at him and he at her. Sighing contentedly, she would snuggle down and rest her head against his chest, and only then would she close her eyes to go to sleep. Before she drifted off, she always felt a soft kiss in her hair, as Bob lovingly kissed her goodnight.
For the past few days, Caroline had felt different. She had started to be sick in the mornings and had a strong craving for butter tarts and baked beans together. Bob believed it was a fair guess that she had conceived! And Caroline herself knew that she too had conceived, she had wanted to be sure before telling her husband, and since her period hadn't come, she was now positive. Resting her head against Bob's shoulder, Caroline broached the subject. "Bob!" "Yes, my love?" "I'm pregnant." "Oh, that's wonderful news Caroline." Bob gave her a big hug and kissed her. "You know, I thought you were though." "You did?" "Yes, honey. Either that or you'd finally cracked up, you know with your craving for butter tarts and baked beans together. Purely revolting!" He smiled at her and chuckled to show he was joking. Caroline playfully smacked his arm. "Very funny Bob. When will we be able move into the cabin? I am not having our child in an igloo." He kissed her forehead. "You won't have to. I've nearly finished it. We should be able to move in soon." Caroline let out a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness!" "Well, at least something good came out of my, erm, 'accident' with the kerosene! I'm going to be a father!" Bob beamed.
That night, they had a visitor. Bob and Caroline awoke to the dogs barking outside the igloo. Pulling his clothes on, Bob picked his gun up and motioned for Caroline to stay where she was. Moving to the entrance of the igloo, Bob cocked the trigger. Spying a figure just outside the entrance, Bob pointed the gun at the chest of Durk Magirk. "Well, what do you know! Hello Durk! Come to give yourself up?" Bob mocked. The shocked expression on Durk's face told Bob that Durk hadn't come to give himself up and that he was as surprised to see Bob as Bob was to see him. Bob shook his head in wonder and with a large smile on his face, he arrested Durk. Bob had been chasing the rat for years. What luck that the criminal had walked right up to the igloo Bob was in, not thinking there was a Mountie inside! It was the easiest arrest Bob had ever made.
Finally after four months of hard grafting the cabin was finished and Bob and Caroline moved in to their newly built home and awaited the arrival of their child.
* * * * *
1960
Clyde River, Yukon, Canada
Heavily pregnant, Caroline sat in the rocking chair knitting some more baby clothes. Bob had ribbed her about the amount of knitting she had been doing recently, he swore that he couldn't find anything for piles of baby clothes. Looking around the simple cabin, Caroline had to agree with him. There were baby clothes on all of the sparse furniture---his desk, beside her rocking chair, on the bed…She couldn't help herself though. Knitting had become somewhat of an obsession. To her, it was a way of passing the time until her baby arrived.
A sharp twinge hit her in the abdomen. She stopped knitting and placed it on the pile beside her rocking chair. Another twinge. Was it time? Was the baby coming? When a third twinge doubled Caroline over, she knew she had her answer---the baby was coming. Right on time too. This baby was punctual.
Slowly, Caroline heaved herself from the rocking chair and went to get Bob, who was in the barn. Walking into the barn, a sharp pain gripped her and grabbing hold of the barn door, she cried out. Bob spun around and instantly realising the situation, he ran over to her. Putting his arms around her for support he said, "It's all right honey. It's just the baby coming." "Just the baby coming! You should try it! Arggggggh!" "It's all right. It's all right," Bob soothed. "Do you think you can make it to the cabin?" Another wave of pain hit Caroline and her water broke, giving them both their answer.
Bob stepped to action straight away and helped Caroline to the ground, where for comfort, he propped her up against some bales of hay. "I won't be a moment, honey. I just need to go and get some hot water." "What? You're leaving me on my own?" Caroline looked at him frightened. "I'm not leaving you, I'll be back in a flash." He quickly kissed her on the forehead and ran out of the barn.
By the time Bob came back with some hot water and a towel and blanket, Caroline's labour was in full swing. Holding her hand, he told her to push. Caroline gripped his hand so tightly that he cried out in pain. "Ouch!" Caroline grinned wickedly at him. "Serves you right for getting me like this!" Another wave of pain made Caroline cry out and Bob lovingly put his spare arm around her and hugged her. "It's all right. It'll all be over soon. That's my girl, you're doing great." Caroline smiled at him, her face flushed. "I love you Bob. You're the best husband in the world." Bob smiled and kissed her. "Thank you darling. Now push again. That's it." "Urrrrrgh," Caroline cried out in pain. Panting, Caroline glared at Bob. With the pain, her mood had swung. "I hate you. I hate all men; they have it soooo easy. But most of all, I hate you the most. You got me into this…arghhhhhhh! I thought you loved me! How could you!"
Bob ignored Caroline's outburst and instead told her, "Push one more time Caroline. Come on, you're nearly there." "I can't!" Caroline moaned. "Yes, you can. One more time and it'll all be over with." Caroline pushed for the last time, and out came her baby.
"Great Scott!" Bob exclaimed, as he held the tiny child carefully in his hands, wrapped warmly in the blanket. Tears were in his eyes as he looked down at the beautiful little bundle of joy. "What is it? What have we got?" Caroline asked, exhausted but excited.
"A baby," Bob said proudly.
Caroline rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know that. What sex is it? Here, let me see!"
"It's a boy. We've got a son," Bob told her. Smiling, Bob placed the baby into Caroline's arms and kissed her affectionately on the forehead. "Well done darling."
Caroline looked down at her son and hugged him protectively to her breast. She was smiling, and looked very pleased with herself. Bob had never seen her look this happy before. In turn, Caroline had never seen Bob look this happy either. "He's beautiful, Bob." Caroline softly kissed her son's head.
"Yes. Yes he is." Bob kissed his wife and then their son. "And Caroline?"
"Hmmm?"
"I do love you."
She looked up at her husband and smiled. "I love you too." Looking back at her son, she said, "And I love you, little one." She kissed her son's tiny cheek. "So, what are we going to call you, little fella?" Her son curled his hand around one of her fingers. "Aw, his hands are so tiny. He's so cute!"
"How about we call him Robert?" Bob suggested.
Caroline shook her head. "No. It would be too confusing having you both called that. How about---Benton? I think he looks like a Benton!"
Thinking of everything she had just been through, Bob said, "If that's what you want to call him, then Benton it is." Peering at their Benton, Bob said, "You know, you're right, he does look like a Benton."
* * * * *
1966
Northwest Territories, Canada
Night-time fell over the snowy landscape and by the light of the oil lanterns; Caroline sat on the love seat reading to a six year old chubby legged Benton, who was sat comfortably on her lap in his tiny red longjohns. The cabin door opened, letting in a gust of wind. Bob entered, dressed in his RCMP issue brown fur hat, matching fur coat with white collar. Holloway Muldoon, the legend trapper and gifted guide, was with him. "Hello, honey!" Bob smiled warmly at Caroline. "Nice to have you home, Bob," Caroline said with a double edge. She and Benton only saw Bob about once every sixteen weeks these days and Caroline was none to pleased about it. Caroline couldn't even remember the last time they had all had a family meal together!
Muldoon smiled at Caroline and tilted his hat. Caroline did not smile at Muldoon, but with effort she managed a polite nod. Caroline liked Holloway Muldoon about as much as she liked Gerrard---very little. Caroline prided herself on her instinct about people and her instinct told her that like Gerrard, underneath Muldoon was a nasty piece of work! She didn't know why she thought this, she had no evidence of either of them doing anything unscrupulous and so there was no real reason for her to feel this way! But there was a very good reason---she just had a strong feeling something wasn't right about them. And that feeling was good enough for her. She didn't know where the feeling came from! She didn't know whether it was a sixth sense! Whether it was God telling her! Or whether it was something else! She just knew that neither man could be trusted.
"How's my boy doing? Have you been keeping out of mischief while I've been away?" Bob asked in a stern but mocking manner. Moving over to Caroline, he kissed her briefly on the lips. Affectionately, he ruffled his son's brown curly mop. "He's been as good as gold, haven't you Ben!" Caroline praised. Ben nodded his head. "I've been learning how to ride a horse," Ben told his father proudly. "Well, good on you son." Bob smiled at Ben. "Come on sleepy head, let's get you to bed," Caroline told Ben.
Knowing that both men wanted to speak business, Caroline stayed in Ben's tiny room, stroking her son's dark brown hair as he slept. Finally hearing Muldoon leave, Caroline went into the main room to join her husband. "So! Where have you been this time?" Caroline demanded. "I've been trying to track whomever has been killing endangered species for their furs. Muldoon has been helping me," Bob explained. "Has he now!" "What's that supposed to mean, Caroline?" "You know what I think of him Bob! You should stay well clear of him." "Caroline, let's not get into that again! I've had a long few weeks, I'm tired." Bob walked over to Caroline and put his hands on her shoulders. "I've missed you Caroline." "I've missed you too, and so has Ben. You've missed so much of him growing." Bob nodded gravely and shrugged his shoulders. "I know. I wish I could spend more time with him, and you---but, well---my job!" "I understand. I knew that when I married you. It's just, well, it's not easy sometimes." Bob nodded again. "Let's make the most of our being together!" Caroline smiled. They kissed.
"Bob?" "Yes honey?" "You know about our, 'making the most of the time we have together?'" "Yes?" "Well, how about we, you know…? Ben's so beautiful, why don't we try for another?" Bob cleared his throat and cracked his neck. "Er, Caroline…do we have to discuss this now? I'm tired. Can't we just…? You know…!" He cleared his throat again. "Er, enjoy each other?" Bob said. Caroline put her hands on her hips and pulled 'the face.' "Oh, you want to have sex with me, but not a child, is that it?" Bob visibly gulped. "I…er…well…erm…" Bob faltered and cleared his throat again. "I…erm, wouldn't put it quite like that!" "You wouldn't! So how would you word it?" Bob tilted his head to the side and nervously fiddled with his fur coat. "Like that," he all but whispered. Caroline shook her head. "Well, don't think you'll be sleeping in our bed tonight! You can't be gone for weeks upon weeks and just expect everything to be fine when you get home! I'm not a sex toy Bob. I'm a human being. I'm a woman. I have needs. I have feelings. So NO we can't just enjoy one another tonight. I'm not in the mood now. Go and fuck yourself!" Bob drew back in shock. Caroline spun around, stamped out of the room and entering their bedroom, she slammed the door behind her with such force that the cabin shook.
Bob sighed. He wondered whether he should go after her or not! But he didn't know what to say! No, better leave her to cool off a bit! "Dad!" Bob turned around to see Ben stood in the doorway of his bedroom, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "Yes, son?" "Dad, is everything all right?" "Erm, yes. Yes, everything's fine son. Go on, go back to bed." "We've not had an earthquake have we?" "Er, no son, we've not. It was just your mother sl….shutting the door. It's nothing to worry about. We don't have earthquakes here Benton. Come on, back to bed." Bob ushered Ben into bed and tucked him in. Saying "Goodnight," Bob quietly closed the bedroom door. Picking his bedroll up, Bob went outside to sleep with the dogs.
Some weeks later after making up with each other…
How could he have been so blind! Bob was furious with himself. Why hadn't he seen earlier that it was Muldoon who was the one killing wolves and other endangered species for their fur?
Why?
He consoled himself that at least he knew now and could do something about it! Finding Muldoon though, would be no easy task! The area spread for miles. He could be anywhere! Bob's mind was deep in concentration, trying to work the problem out. Subconsciously his feet made their way from the crime-scene to Buck's cabin. Bob and Buck's territory stretched for thousands of miles, and sometimes they wouldn't see each other for months. But no matter how far apart they were, they always knew that they were partners. And a partner was what Bob needed right now to help in tracking Muldoon down. In a way, both Bob and Buck were rivals---mostly because of Caroline. But in the end they forged ahead and pulled together no matter what. They made a good team.
Arriving at Buck's cabin, Bob politely knocked on the wooden door. Anna, Buck's wife, opened the door to him. "Bob! How wonderful to see you! Come in, come in." Bob entered the cabin to find Buck sat behind his desk. Little Julie, Buck and Anna's daughter, was playing with a doll on the floor beside the log fire. "Hello Julie!" Bob smiled at her. Shouting "Uncle Bob," she stood up, ran over to him, and taking Bob by surprise, she gave him a hug.
"Bob! How nice to see you," Buck greeted him. He rose from his seat behind his desk. "What brings you here? Business or pleasure?" "I wish I could say it was pleasure, but…" he shrugged, "Unfortunately it's business." Bob filled Buck in on what he'd found out about Muldoon. "Great Scott! I see! Right, let's go and find the filthy animal!" Buck said. He pulled his brown fur coat on and put on his matching fur hat. "Now, the question is, 'where to start looking for him?'" Buck pondered.
"You might want to try your cabin Bob!" Anna helpfully suggested. "He was here not long ago before Buck got home today. I made him a hot drink as I always do and he told me he was going to stop by your place."
Both men exchanged glances. "Thank you Anna," Bob said. "Right, come on Buck, we've no time to lose!" After kissing his daughter on the forehead and his wife on the cheek, Buck followed Bob out into the bitter cold.
* * * * *
Cautiously, Caroline let Muldoon into the cabin. "Bob isn't here," Caroline hesitantly told Muldoon. She didn't like being alone with him. "That's all right. You won't mind if I have a warm beside the fire will you?" Caroline looked at him hard, weighing him up. "Well, as a matter of fact I was planning on taking Ben horse-riding." Muldoon smiled at her. She hated that smile. It was more of a leer than a smile. "I won't be long. Please?" Caroline considered this for a few moments. "All right." Muldoon sat beside the fire, holding his shotgun across his knees. The position of his shotgun made Caroline uncomfortable. Even though she wasn't, she felt like a prisoner---a hostage. Wanting to put her body between Muldoon and Benton, Caroline sat back down in her rocking chair, positioned so that she blocked her son from Muldoon's view. Ben at the side of the chair, beside her feet; she listened to her son reading.
An hour later Muldoon was still there. He kept starting up a conversation with Caroline. Each time she quickly ended it, hoping he would get the message and go. After a while it became apparent that Muldoon was plugging her for information. He kept asking her about the case Bob was working on, the case with the endangered animals being killed. At first Caroline had thought nothing of it as Muldoon was a trapper and so it didn't seem odd. But as time went on, that 'feeling' about him started to get stronger and stronger and she started to get suspicious of him.
Just as she was about to ask him to leave, Bob and Buck entered the cabin. Caroline was relived. The relief didn't last long though as she saw the looks on both of their faces---something was wrong. "Caroline, would you please take Ben to the barn!" Bob requested. She looked at him enquiringly, but he didn't elaborate, he just said, "Please, Caroline!" She nodded and picking Ben up, she left the cabin.
Ten minutes elapsed and still no word from Bob. She was more than concerned and a little pissed off at having been told to leave the cabin without an explanation. Telling Benton to 'stay in the barn,' she left her son stroking the horses and went to the cabin. What she didn't know, was that a stand off had happened in the cabin. At one side of the door Muldoon stood pointing his shotgun at Bob and Buck. At the other side of the door, Bob and Buck were pointing their guns at Muldoon.
Opening the door, Caroline stepped into the cabin for the last time.
It all happened as if in slow motion…
Unknowingly, Caroline fatefully stepped in-between the two sides of the stand off. Bob and Buck were on one side of her; Muldoon was on the other. The first people she noticed were Bob and Buck with their guns pointed her way. A surprised expression appeared on her face. Their expressions showed equal surprise and worry. She was about to say, 'why are you pointing your guns at me' when, closing the door she heard a laugh behind her. Turning around, she saw Muldoon, and realised that it was he who their guns were aimed at. It was too late to get out of the way. She looked into Muldoon's eyes and saw evil. She had been right all along. Oh, how she wished she had been wrong! Caroline's last image was off Muldoon pulling the trigger. Her vision clouded… she died instantly.
She fell back…dropped to the floor.
Buck was in shock.
"NO!!!" Bob shouted.
Muldoon laughed in his face and ran out of the door.
Diving to his knees, Bob took hold of Caroline. Laying her out on the floor, Bob desperately tried to revive her. It was too late. She was gone. He knew it, but still he tried and tried to bring her back to life.
Buck sank to his knees beside them. He was devastated. He knew he should go after Muldoon but he couldn't---his legs wouldn't move. He didn't want to leave Caroline's side. Or Bob's---his friend needed him.
Finally, Bob gave up. Pulling Caroline into his arms, Bob held Caroline's dead body to him. Soothing her hair back, he kissed her lips for the last time. He---cried.
Buck cried.
Both men sat there in the puddle of blood. They didn't know how long they say there. Neither spoke.
Bob seemed to die with Caroline. A part of Buck died also. Even though he loved Anna, Buck had never stopped loving Caroline. Neither man ever would.
Suddenly, Buck remembered Ben. Buck squeezed Caroline's hand for the last time and staggering to his feet; Buck went outside to the barn. Bob didn't even realise Buck had gone.
Buck opened the barn door and---he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Benton feeding the horses. Ben looked up as Buck went over to him. "Why are you crying?" Ben asked concerned. Buck couldn't speak, he just hugged Benton. Benton was all both Buck and Bob had now of Caroline. Benton and memories. "Uncle Buck, what's wrong?" Buck still couldn't speak; he was choked up with tears. What could he say to the boy? How could he tell a six-year-old boy that his mother was dead? He couldn't. It was Bob's place to tell him.
Finding his voice, Buck said, "Let's feed the dogs!"
* * * * *
Tell me…
Why
Tell me…
Why
This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears…
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel?
'Cause I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know how I feel
You don't know what I feel.
(Why, by Annie Lennox.)
* * * * *
Unshaven and unwashed, Bob sat by the window of the cabin, staring out at the wilderness landscape but not seeing it. Since Caroline had died he saw nothing, felt nothing---except grief. A grief that was so strong it tore at his insides, pulling them out and wrapping them around him so that sometimes it was hard to breath. He was half-mad with grief. Bob felt that he was a flawed individual. That he had failed Caroline, the woman he loved and their son. He was cold inside. He wished he had been killed instead of Caroline. Without her---life was empty. 'Dying is easy it's living that scares me to death. I could be so content hearing the sound of your breath. Cold is the colour of crystal the snowlight that falls from the heavenly skies.'(Cold, by Annie Lennox.)
I want to be with you Caroline. I've loved you from the first moment I saw you.
It was as if his life had stopped with her death. 'Winter has frozen us, let love take hold of us. Cold, cold, cold. Now we are shivering, blue ice is glittering. Cold, cold, cold.' (Cold, by Annie Lennox.)
His head was spinning; he was in a daze. He felt isolated. He didn't want to communicate, not to his son, not to Gerrard, not to Buck, not to anyone. It was as though nobody existed. He had to try to find peace of mind, his happy mind he used to own---but he didn't know if he deserved it! His conscience was beating him up, harder than any thump he had received or given. It physically hurt. He had never felt so low, so sad in his entire life. He wished Caroline would come back and take him out of this black hole. His heart ached for her. He was bleeding, the wound was Caroline, but he couldn't see the blood. He had cried so much he feared he would drown in his tears if he cried anymore.
He had prided himself in being a fighter, but since Caroline had died he had given up. "I guess I'm not so good at my job anymore Caroline! There's no point in going to work! If I couldn't defend you, then I'm useless! I'm sorry Caroline. I'm so sorry. I should have protected you better. Please come back Caroline! Give me another chance!" As he said it, Bob knew it was a waste of time. She couldn't come back. She was dead. He'd lost her and it was all his fault! "I'll always love you Caroline. Forever. No one can ever replace you. I'll love you till the Northern Lights no longer shine. Till my dying day and after."
All that he had of her now were pictures and memories---and Benton. He looked at his son. So young, so pure, so Caroline. Tears welled up in Bob's eyes again. How could he ever explain to their son how he had failed to protect his mother? That her death had been his fault? He didn't think he could!
Bob's eyes fell on the love seat. Looking at it, he remembered how Caroline used to sit there with Ben on her lap and read to him. Tears streamed down his face. Everywhere he looked his eyes played tricks on him, he saw Caroline, only when he went to reach for her and take her into his arms, she wasn't there. What he'd give to hold her near now! To run his fingers lovingly through her long auburn hair! To touch her lips, to hold her hand! There was no price he wouldn't pay and nothing he wouldn't do, to have her here with him and Ben.
In the three weeks since she had died, he had hardly eaten; he was getting thinner and thinner. Normally clean-shaven and smartly dressed, he no longer took interest in his appearance. And he had subsequently grown a beard, which kept getting longer and longer as he got thinner. He hadn't even written in his diary. He had stopped living. When Caroline had died, he had died with her.
You were the sweetest thing I ever knew
But I don't care for sugar honey if I can't have you
Since you've abandoned me
My whole life has crashed
Won't you pick the pieces up
'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
The sun's still shining in the big blue sky
But it don't mean nothing to me
Oh let the rain fall down
Let the wind blow through me
I'm living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I've got so little left to lose
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Now every one of us was made to suffer
Every one of us was made to weep
And now the pain has cut too deep…
So take me from the wreckage
Save me from the blast
Life me up and take me back
Don't let me keep on walking…
Walking on broken glass.
(Walking on broken glass, by Annie Lennox.)
One morning the mist cleared, the glass was swept away. Bob woke up and realised he had a son to live for and a murderer to catch. Getting up, he washed, shaved off the beard and put on his uniform for the first time since Caroline's death. Going into the kitchen area of the cabin, crying, he set the table for breakfast and lay out oatmeal with a sliced banana. When Benton got up, the little boy was obviously surprised to see the scene that lay before him. "I just woke up this morning and the wind was from the south, and I found out that I still know the difference between hawk and a handsaw," Bob said to his son. (quote from Hamlet.)
Smiling through his tears, Bob walked over to his son and hugged him fiercely. "Sit down son and eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."
* * * * *
Mid 1967
Entrusting Benton into the care of George and Martha, Bob's parents, Bob set off in search of Muldoon. Trekking over the tundra, with the wind nipping at him and swirling the snow around him obscuring his vision, the thought of Caroline kept Bob going---trudging on through the treacherous north. Every second he felt lonely without her. No matter how long it took, he was determined to find Muldoon---for Caroline. Muldoon was an expert on the terrain of the north; he wasn't going to be easy to find. But Bob would have rearranged the landscape, torn down the mountains and diverted the rivers to catch Muldoon. He only had the slimmest of clues. Muldoon always managed to be where no one expected him to be. And usually that was where he had just been.
Muldoon is truly evil. He is one of the foulest scum that ever walked the earth. I just didn't see it.
Why?
I do now though and he'll pay for what he did. I trusted him. I invited him into our home. I called him my friend. Our friendship placed him above suspicion. How could he deceive me so? I should have listened to Caroline!
He was near. Bob could feel it in his bones. And so for eight days and eight nights, he went all out after Muldoon. He never stopped to rest once. He slept on his feet. He was a man on an important mission, and he wasn't about to fail.
* * * * *
1969
Six Mile Canyon, Northwest Territories, Canada
Finally, after a year and a half, Bob tracked Muldoon to an ice field. By the time he caught up with him, Bob wasn't thinking, he was full of rage. To Bob's perverse pleasure, Muldoon was standing at the edge of a crevice---the six mile canyon---contemplating how to cross it.
"Muldoon!" Bob hollered with venom across the ice.
Muldoon spun around to see Bob Fraser. "So, you finally caught up with me," he sneered. "You're never going to arrest me Bob. You didn't succeed in arresting me then and you won't now. I'll have the pleasure of killing you just like I killed Caroline. She was pretty, but when I shot her she fell like a sack of old potatoes." He laughed. "Prepare to join Caroline."
While Muldoon had been speaking, Bob had been advancing on him. Only one pace separated the two men. "Not until you get what you deserve. Then I'll gladly join Caroline. But first, I'm going to get revenge for her."
Both men glared at one another. Before Muldoon knew what had hit him, Bob stepped forward clearing the space between them. With a hard shove, Bob pushed Muldoon over the edge of the crevice and into the deep canyon in the tip of the iceberg. Muldoon's wails could be heard as he fell further and further to his death. "A Mountie always gets his man," Bob uttered.
* * * * *
September 1969
On the way back to report Muldoon's 'accident,' Bob stopped by at a nearby cabin to warm himself and hopefully get something to eat and drink. While he warmed his hands and feet beside her log fire, he studied the woman who was hospitably offering him shelter. Ellen Stern was in her late twenties, a few years younger than Bob. For the first time since Caroline, he was looking at a woman with masculine interest. Ellen was beautiful. Not beautiful like Caroline---nobody could be as beautiful as Caroline in his eyes. Ellen was the opposite kind of beauty. Ellen's waist length blond hair and turquoise eyes were a contrast to Caroline. Bob found out that Ellen was alone too. Her husband 'Matt' had been killed a few months ago, April, when a mine he was working in collapsed. She knew the pain of grief. The loneliness.
Sipping soup and talking to her, he discovered that she was a wonderful woman. Very resourceful. She was a trapper. It was nice to share the company of a woman again. They were both grief stricken and offered each other an understanding sympathetic ear and comfort. Gently wiping away tears and hugging one another. Before they realised what was happening, one thing led to another and they were making love on the cabin floor. They were gentle with each other, carefully soothing away the grief. Both man and woman tried to kiss and caress away the wound of loss. Neither regretted the contact. Each found a momentary release from their pain.
After making love, Bob gently attempted to lift Ellen from the floor and place her into the bed. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Putting you into bed. Why?" "I never sleep in bed. The bed was for when Matt was here. I prefer sleeping outside on the ground." "You sleep outside on the ground?" Bob was shocked. Caroline would never have dreamed of doing such a thing. "Yes. Why? What's wrong with that?" "But you're a woman!" "I think we've already established that! Surely you're not one of those sexists! I didn't have you down for that!" "Er, no. No, I'm not a…er, a---sexist." Bob cleared his throat. "Why don't you, erm, sleep inside! You'll be much more comfortable!" Bob suggested, trying to be persuasive. It wasn't a question, more of a request. Ellen shook her head stubbornly. ""No. I like it outside." Bob opened his mouth to protest and Ellen raised her hand in a gesture to silence him. "You're not going to change my mind. And I don't want to argue with you." "All right." Bob grudgingly gave in and nodded his head. 'Women!'
* * * * *
February 13th 1971
Yukon, Canada
Ten years ago I would never have walked into something like this. A bear trap so poorly camouflaged a child would have seen it---but I didn't. The spikes ate into my leg like shark's teeth. The pain was excruciating. Prying it open, I got my leg out. But my leg was so badly gnarled that I knew there was no way I could make it back. I was prepared to die out here. And to be honest, I felt I deserved it! When a man gets too old for a job, he should know it, and stop. Sitting down in the snow, I wrote in my diary as I awaited my fate.
Why?
Why die out here? And of all things, as the result of being stupid enough to walk into a bear trap? How embarrassing?
Why couldn't I have had a decent hero's death? Or at least something more dignified?
Another thought struck him---his son was going to lose another parent! The thought made Bob nearly cry. Life and death could be cruel! Even though he didn't see Benton very often, he was still around for the boy. He loved him. He wanted so much to see his son grow up.
As if sent by God, a figure appeared in the distance---Buck. Buck had found me. And here was me thinking my number was up! I don't know how he found me! No one knew where I was going, but he found me and carried me back. Three days over terrain a mule couldn't navigate. Laughing his ass off the entire way. Riding like that, completely helpless, slung over Buck's shoulder and staring down his back, I came to understand two things. One---at a certain point in life a man's hips spread and there is nothing you can do about it. And two---there's a very easy way to define friendship. A friend is someone who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home.
At the hospital, Bob realised that he had lost the wallet that Benton had stitched for him. He started to panic. The wallet meant a great deal to Bob. He carried it on his person at all times. Benton had made it for Bob for his birthday. Ben had done a very good job of it too. Bob wasn't so sure if stitching was such a good idea for a boy! But at least he was making manly things like wallets and not frilly dresses! His son had made it, and for that reason, Bob treasured it and was proud to use it. He had shown the wallet to everyone. The wallet had started to fall apart, but Bob still used it. He wouldn't be without it. He had to find it!
Where had he lost it?
When Buck had brought him back, the wallet must have fallen out of his pocket and got lost in the snow!
When Bob got out of the hospital the first thing he did was to go back up there, where the bear trap was and to find it. Bob searched for days up in the snow. The searching eventually paid off and Bob found the wallet.
The next thing he did was to go and see his son. Every time Bob saw Ben, he was amazed at how much the boy had grown. Bob's mother, Martha, gave Bob a good dressing down about not seeing Benton enough. She was right, he knew she was. He never intended to stay away as much, it was just that everywhere he looked, he saw Caroline. It didn't matter that his mother's home was not the home he had shared with Caroline, he still saw his dead wife everywhere. It was the homely atmosphere. The smell of baking. The fact that Caroline had stayed at this cabin with Bob when they had visited. He could remember her helping his mother in the kitchen and collecting the eggs from the chickens. And most importantly, Benton reminded him so much of Caroline. It was too painful.
After playing a game of ice hockey with his son, Bob said 'goodbye' and took his leave. It was no use, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't stay for long there.
Bob went straight to Ellen's cabin. When the pain of missing Caroline tore at his heart and got too unbearable, Bob sought solace with Ellen. She understood his pain. She took his mind off it. Arriving at Ellen's, Bob was more than surprised to find not just Ellen in the cabin, but a little girl. A girl not more than one year old.
"Erm…arhem!" Bob cracked his neck. "Er, Ellen! She's, not…erm, I mean, is she? Is she mine?"
Ellen seemed to tense up at the question. She contemplated telling Bob the truth. She decided against it. It was no use telling him! He wasn't a man to stay around in one place for very long and she didn't want him to feel tied down. And besides, she could manage on her own. She had given birth to Maggie in May of 1970 on her own, with no one to help. Yes, she could raise Maggie without anyone's help. She didn't need a man. She was an independent woman. "No. No, she's not yours. She's Matt's."
"She is! Are you, erm, sure?"
"Yes." Ellen sounded adamant.
"Oh, well, congratulations. She's very pretty. What's she called?"
"Maggie."
Bob looked at the little girl with mixed emotions. He wasn't sure if he was happy that she wasn't his or not! Well, at least he didn't have any more responsibilities! It was hard enough being a father to Benton. He didn't see his son even half enough and another child would make it even less time! Bob was later to find out (after his death) that Maggie was his daughter!
* * * * *
1981
Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada
This was one of the most proud days of Sergeant Robert Fraser's life. He was down at Regina, where the RCMP training academy was, to see his son Benton graduate. It was such an honour to see his son all dressed up in the RCMP traditional red serge uniform. Patting his son on the back, Bob gave his son some advice. "If I can give you one piece of advice son, it's, 'never chase a man over a cliff.' Remember that son, it could save your life one day!"
Benton looked at his father and shook his head. Trust him to state the obvious! "Yes, dad. I'll remember that. Thank you kindly."
* * * * *
1994
Northwest Territories
Bob nearly died numerous times bringing a low life to justice. He'd give them his food. He'd carry them on his back. Men who had done unspeakable things, men he detested. Men who had tried to kill him. But he never brought one back dead. Because the moment they were his responsibility he'd sacrifice himself before letting them die. That's what finally got him killed. He was trying to bring Gerrard in and he walked into a trap…
Bob had discovered flooding from a hydroelectric dam. The dam had been built wrongly, and to correct the error, the dam's administrators were releasing excess water at night causing massive flooding and killing caribou. After thoroughly snooping around, Bob discovered the flooding and was going to blow the whistle on them.
The problem was that there was police corruption. The authorities were being paid off. A little more delving and Bob discover something that crushed all of his faith in his best friend. Gerrard was working for the criminals. He was receiving hush money.
Why hadn't he listened to Caroline? She had been right about Muldoon and she had been right about Gerrard. How he had mocked her at the time! What a fool he had been!
Before Bob found out about Gerrard's involvement, Bob had consulted his 'friend' about the case as it fell into Gerrard's jurisdiction. Upon telling Gerrard of his discovery, Bob had signed his own death warrant.
When Bob found out about Gerrard, he was gutted. Gerrard was his friend. Bob and Gerrard had gone to the academy together. Bob had no choice; he had to bring him in himself. Bob owed it to him! Bob put duty above everything else. His greatest strength was his greatest weakness.
In an isolated valley in the Northwest Territories, Bob was working on another case with Ben. They were both in woods tracking a killer. What neither knew at the time was that Gerrard was setting them up. For Gerrard had hired the killer 'Drake' whom they were in the bush tracking, to kill Bob.
Walking through the woods together, Ben could tell that something was bothering his father. He never asked though. Years later he wished he had. At the time, he told himself that the reason he didn't ask was 'out of respect.' The truth was 'he was afraid.'
Bob also knew that his son could tell something was worrying him. He was relieved that Ben never asked. He wouldn't have told him if he had. A father asking his son for help was not an easy thing to do. It was like admitting you are old. And Bob wasn't ready to admit that just yet.
Suddenly one set of prints became two, split right and split left. Both men hunkered down to examine them. "The killer's gone left and retraced his steps," Bob said. He knew where the trail led to---the valley of the dam. Ben shook his head. "I disagree. I think you'll find he's gone right and retraced his steps!" Bob shook his head at his son. "You can believe that if you want, but I'm going left. Are you coming?" Ben looked towards the right hand trail. "No. I'll go right." "Suit yourself, son. Suit yourself. When you find out you're wrong, hook left and join me!" Bob teased. And so both men set off in different directions.
As it turned out, both men were right. There were two killers. Ben said later "Both men were right and wrong, and you can never lose sight of that distinction because if you do you're beaten." Gerrard had played a calculated trick on them both. He had hired two killers to go two separate ways. He wanted Bob to be on his own. The plan had worked, and Drake shot and killed Bob.
The bullet hit Bob in the chest. Instantly he blacked out. He was dead. His soul felt relieved. His time had come and at least now he would be with Caroline! Only to his despair, that did not happen---Bob was stranded in limbo. He was a ghost.
Why?
Ah, to ponder one of deaths mysteries! Bob could not even begin to comprehend why!
He was dispirited. He had imagined that when he died he would be with Caroline. Finding that was not so, he dreaded spending eternity floating around in nowhere!
Ben was devastated. Both parents dead.
Why?
He blamed himself for his father's death. If only he had asked what was bothering him! If only he had taken the same trail as his father! If only, if only…! Thinking that never got anyone anywhere!
There was an inquest into Bob's death. After the investigation, the shooting of Robert Fraser was ruled as a 'hunting accident.' Ben was not convinced. He decided to put his police skills to the ultimate test and solve how his father was really killed.
Benton went to the valley where his father had been killed. There, he found that the valley contained bodies of several caribou. Bizarre! Ben then went in search of answers as to 'how the caribou had died!' According to a local Inuit hunter the caribou had died because they had "drank too much." Ben was not convinced. He didn't believe anyone could possibly be convinced by that answer! Only an imbecile and Ben was not one.
Back at the nearest settlement, Ben checked with a local Charter company to see if anyone had been out there recently. His queries proved fruitful. He found out that a group of dentists from Chicago had been in the area recently for a hunting trip. Off to Chicago…
* * * * *
Chicago, Il, USA
His investigations in Chicago were more than beneficial. Benton solved his father's death. It was murder. Ben also found out the truth surrounding the reason his father was killed. Ben felt totally deceived and betrayed by Gerrard, he had known him all his life. Putting Gerrard in jail, and in the process clearing his father's name, which Gerrard had blackened, Ben could lay his father to rest!
Or could he!
Bob also believed that with the case of his murder being solved, and Gerrard serving a life sentence, he could finally go on to the after world and join Caroline! Alas, for some reason, Bob remained in limbo.
Why?
A question neither Bob, nor his son (whom Bob had shown himself to, and nearly caused him to have a coronary and believe he was insane and seeing things that weren't there) could answer.
I look up to the little bird
That glides across the sky
He sings the clearest melody
It makes me want to cry
It makes me want to sit right down and cry, cry, cry.
I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And I…
I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here.
But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go?
My my what do I know?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So I've just got to put these wings to test.
For I am just a troubled soul
Who's weighted…
Weighted to the ground
Give me the strength to carry on
Till I can lay this burden down
Give me the strength to lay this burden down down down yea
Give me the strength to lay it down.
But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go?
My my what do I know?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So I've just got to put these wings to test.
(Little Bird, by Annie Lennox.)
* * * * *
1995
Chicago, Il, USA
Just when they thought Gerrard was out of their hair for good---while in Chicago to offer his testimony to more crimes he'd been involved in---Gerrard escaped…
During the course of the case, Benton came face to face again with his father's killer and had the pleasure of thumping him. 'Thwack.'
Bob kept urging his son to 'do away with him.' "Shoot him son. Shoot him between his rat like little eyes!" He even offered Ben his own gun so that it couldn't be traced. Ben pointed out that Bob's gun 'wasn't real!' And refused to shoot Gerrard. "He's sitting in there and bragging about how he had me killed and all I'm asking is for you to do one thing for me! Shoot him in the stomach and let him bleed to death!" Ben shook his head. Bob suggested another plan for 'offing' Gerrard, "Grab the lamp and crack his skull with it. Make it look like a freak lighting accident!" Ben wouldn't do that either. He would have liked to, but Ben was a Mountie and he knew it was wrong to kill someone---even someone has horrible as Gerrard.
Gerrard being around again, seemed an ideal time for Ben to talk to his father about things he had been keeping bottled up inside surrounding his father's death. To Ben, it seemed as though Bob was so afraid to open up, it was as though he chose to be killed rather than expose his true feelings! And he told him as much.
Bob cringed at talking about 'feelings' and responded, "Shouldn't have left you with your grandmother all of that time. You've no idea what a woman can do to you! For years you're living a perfectly normal life and then out of the blue you start thinking about feelings and emotions!"
Bob got his satisfaction though when agent MacFadden of the ATF shot Gerrard---"Finally, somebody shoots him," Bob said pleased.
Bob was also perversely pleased with himself when Gerrard was slipping off the building… "Take my hand!" Bob offered. Gerrard's eyes went wide; "You're dead!" "No time to be choosy!" Gerrard reached for Bob's outstretched hand and grasping thin air, he fell. "Oh, my mistake!" Bob uttered.
Gerrard back in custody, Bob and Ben hoped they had heard the last of him!
* * * * *
11th March, 1998
Diamond Rock, Yukon, Canada
Buck stood on the snowy floor of the great outdoors, a number of emotions running through him. Muldoon wasn't dead.
How?
Why?
This case was important to him, the most important case he'd ever been on. With Benton, he was tracking Muldoon. There were others helping too, but it was only a case to them. It was far more than just a case to Ben and Buck---it was personal. "Buck!" Bob appeared beside him. "Bob! Wondering where you'd been. You look a little pale!" "I'm still dead!" "Yes, well, I'm having a hard time believing that." "Well, there you are then!" "Er, well, it's another story. With my regrets. We'll get Muldoon for Caroline." Both men nodded. "For Caroline," Bob said determined.
Buck walked away to join the others. When he was alone Bob said, "We're gonna get him Caroline. I promise you!"
11th March, 1998
In the Mineshaft, Franklin Bay, Yukon, Canada
Bob appeared in the shadows in time to hear Muldoon threaten to kill Benton.
"You won't be doing anymore killing!" Bob spoke from the shadows.
"Who said that?" Muldoon asked, surprised.
"Remember back twenty nine years, six mile canyon!" Bob told him and walked out from the shadows.
"Bob Fraser! Y-you were shot. You're dead!"
"So are you!" Bob pointed his gun at Muldoon.
"Um, this can't be real!" Bob shot at Muldoon, just above his head. Muldoon jumped. He was frightened.
"It's real enough!"
"How can he see you?" Ben asked his father.
"Because I want him to. You can't cross a Mountie. He'll hunt you to the grave." Bob walked up to Muldoon pointing his gun at him. "He'll hunt you from beyond the grave." Bob cocked the trigger. Muldoon was scared.
"Dad, stop! This was wrong twenty nine years ago. And it's wrong now!"
"Then what am I doing here son?"
"I think you've been given a chance to try and get it right!" Ben said.
Bob's hand shook. "Will you take him in?"
"Oh, yes."
Bob uncocked the trigger and moved the gun from Muldoon. He then gave the gun to Ben. "There is one thing I'd like to do!" Bob said.
"And what would that be?" Muldoon sneered.
In answer, Bob swung around and thumped Muldoon in the face. 'THWACK.' The force of the thump knocked Muldoon to the floor like the sack of spuds Muldoon had said he'd done to Caroline.
"I've solved my last crime. I caught my last man. No reason to hang around!" Bob said.
A moment later, Caroline appeared and walked towards Bob and Benton. She looked at Bob. "Caroline!" "Mom!" Caroline turned to Ben and, lovingly and as if in awe, she stroked her son's face. She smiled. Turning to Bob, she took her husband's hand. They walked off together and---
vanished.