Chris Lark's
DUE SOUTH TOP TEN LISTS

Just a few lists I thought I'd whip up that I hope everybody will enjoy
to the fullest. Lemme know how you like 'em!

RAY'S TEN FAVOURITE BUMPER STICKERS FOR THE RIV
10. My Other Car Got Blown Up
9. One Car Chase Can Ruin Your Whole Day--Think About It
8. Honk If You've Asked The Mountie Out!
7. Caution--I've Got An Itchy Trigger Finger, So Don't Force Me To
Scratch It!
6. 0 to 60 In 5.6 Seconds!
5. I Brake For Bank Robbers
4. Mountie On Board!
3. If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're Tailgating Me And You're
Under Arrest
2. On The Riviera...Sounds Nice, Doesn't It?
And Ray's favourite bumper sticker for the Riv:
1. Have You Hugged A Mountie Today?

FRASER'S TOP TEN REASONS FOR JUMPING OUT THE WINDOW
10. The hospitals are losing money
9. It makes for some really cool background music
8. He's testing a new brand of superglue on his hat
7. Dief stole somebody's doughnut down on the sidewalk
6. He secretly enjoys it when women swoon over him because of it
5. Ray's head temperature is down to 106 degrees
4. He just got his boots repaired and wants to test their integrity
3. He wants to get away from Fraser Sr.
2. It's a new shift and he wants to get a great start on it
And Fraser's number one reason for jumping out the window:
1. Francesca is at the door

TOP TEN THINGS THAT KEEP PAUL GROSS AWAKE AT NIGHT
10. David Marciano's voice in his head, saying, "You don't have a ray of
hope without me" (Sorry for the awful pun.)
9. His kids asking him what the next episode will be about
8. His fans at the door asking him what the next episode will be about
7. Trying to think up new songs for the next episode he writes
6. Constant worry that his wife really is a Russian spy
5. Drive-by shootings from the ghosts of both Rivs he's destroyed
4. His wife telling him he's sexiest in red serge
3. Concern that the Mob really does think he's trying to infiltrate it
2. Crank calls from Melina Kanakaredes and Camilla Scott (possibly
Ramona Milano, too)
And the number one thing that keeps Paul Gross awake at night:
1. Gordon Pinsent sneaking into his house, calling him "Son" and
claiming to be dead

TOP TEN PRANKS AT THE CHICAGO P.D.
10. Fraser--doesn't even know what a prank is.
9. Ray--put foot powder on a jelly doughnut and then let Dief steal it
8. Kowalski--put glue in Francesca's nail polish
7. Diefenbaker--make Fraser and Ray/Kowalski think there's an emergency,
then lead them at top stride to the doughnut stand
6. Welsh--make up a case for Ray/Kowalski that involves Zuko
5. Huey--pour a bottle of vinegar over Dewey's bacon bits and fish
4. Elaine--crash her computer before Ray can demand information from her
3. Francesca--put her gluey nail polish on Kowalski's typewriter
2. Mort--plant one of his stiffs under Kowalski's desk
And the number one prank at the Chicago P.D.:
1. Fraser Sr.--bring all of Fraser's ghosts around for a visit, making
Fraser think he's dead

TOP TEN REASONS TO KEEP WATCHING DUE SOUTH
(that is, if you don't like the third season)
10. Maybe there'll be a spoiler about Ray
9. To see if that janitor we've been noticing really is a mob guy, as
you suspect
8. To see how Francesca alters her uniform this week
7. Maybe Kowalski will try and find a new Riv
6. If you wonder what kind of mile-high sandwich Welsh will concoct this
time
5. See how Turnbull goofs up this time
4. Try and identify the improbabilities in Paul Gross-written episodes
3. Maybe Diefenbaker will actually listen to Fraser this time
2. To see if you can sing-along with Mort
And the number one reason to keep watching Due South:
1. To see if the creators comply with your deepest wishes, and finally
transfer that bitch Thatcher back to Ottawa where she belongs

Whaddya think?
Chris
cql@hopper.unh.edu

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