Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; Green Eggs and Ham belong to the estate of Theodore Geisel. No infringement of any copyrights held by said estate or by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Rated G

Green Eggs and Ben

(with apologies to Dr. Suess)

By Cassandra Hope

(Copyright September 2000)

I am Stan

Stan-I-am

<sounds of Thatcher's tapping foot>

That Stan-I-am!

That Stan-I-am!

I do not like that Stan-I-am!

Do you like that Mountie Ben?

I do not like him,

Stan-I-am.

I do not like that Mountie Ben.

Would you like him here or there?

I would not like him here or there.

I would not like him anywhere.

I do not like that Mountie Ben.

I do not like him, Stan-I-am.

Would you like him on the loose?

Would you like him with a moose?

I do not like him on the loose.

I do not like him with a moose.

I do not like him here or there.

I do not like him anywhere.

I do not like that Mountie Ben.

I do not like him, Stan-I-am.

Would you kiss him in a cab?

Would you kiss him with a crab?

Not in a cab.

Not with a crab.

Not on the loose.

Not with a moose.

I would not kiss him here or there.

I would not kiss him anywhere.

I would not kiss that Mountie Ben.

I do not like him, Stan-I-am.

Would you? Could you?

In the Riv?

Kiss him! Kiss him!

Here he is!

I would not, could not, in the Riv.

You might like him,

It's the truth.

You might like him,

With a wolf!

I would not, could not with a wolf.

Not in the Riv! And THAT'S the truth.

I do not like him in a cab.

I do not like him with a crab.

I do not like him on the loose.

I do not like him with a moose.

I do not like him here or there.

I do not like him anywhere.

I do not like that Mountie Ben.

I do not like him, Stan-I-am.

A train! A train!

A train! A train!

Could you, would you,

On a train?

Not on a train! Not with a wolf!

Not in the Riv! Stan! THAT'S the truth!

I would not, could not, in a cab.

I could not, would not, with a crab.

I will not kiss him with a moose.

I will not kiss him on the loose.

I will not kiss him here or there.

I will not kiss him anywhere.

I do not like that Mountie Ben.

I do not like him, Stan-I-am.

Say!

In the dark?

Here in the dark?

Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.

Not in the dark. Not on a train.

Not in the Riv. Not with a wolf.

I do not like him. THAT'S the truth.

Not on the loose, Not in a cab.

Not with a moose. Not with a crab.

I do not like him here or there.

I do not like him anywhere!

You do not like that Mountie Ben?

I do not like him Stan-I-am.

Could you, would you on a trip?

I would not, could not, on a trip.

Would you, could you, on a ship?

I could not, would not, on a ship.

I will not, will not, on a trip.

I will not kiss him in the rain.

I will not kiss him on a train.

Not in the dark! Not with a wolf!

Not in the Riv! THAT'S the truth!

I do not like him in a cab.

I do not like him with a crab.

I will not kiss him on the loose.

I do not like him with a moose.

I do not like him here or there.

I do not like him ANYWHERE!

I do not like that Mountie Ben!

I do not like him, Stan-I-am.

You do not like him.

So you say.

Kiss him! Kiss him!

And you may.

Kiss him and you may, I say!

Stan!

If you will let me be,

I will kiss him.

You will see.

<sounds of kissing>

Say!

I like that Mountie Ben!

I do! I like him, Stan-I-am!

And I would kiss him on a ship.

And I would kiss him on a trip...

<sounds of kissing>

And I will kiss him in the rain.

And in the dark. And on a train.

And in the Riv. And with a wolf.

His is so good, it IS the truth!

<more kissing>

So I will kiss him in a cab.

And I will kiss him with a crab.

And I will kiss him on the loose.

And I will kiss him with a moose.

And I will kiss him here or there.

Say! I will kiss him ANYWHERE!

I do so like

That Mountie Ben!

Thank you!

Thank you,

Stan-I-am!

<sounds of a door being slammed and clothing being quickly removed...>

THE END

(I said this was rated G <g>)