Originally posted at RedSuitsYou@yahoogroups.com - January 2001

This ficlett is a result of Jen's post yesterday about the Canadian penis size averaging 4.3". It was a reminder of a chat last year with VB about doing a fic like this. So here it is.

Standard Disclaimer: due South and it's characters belong to Alliance. I just use them for fun. Hopefully they will return to their world unharmed and ready for other people to play with them.
 

    Elaine sat at her desk, staring across the room at Fraser and Ray who were in a deep discussion. Well, not exactly deep, because she saw Fraser smiling which was something he rarely did. Her thoughts were interrupted by Francesca as she pushed her small cart of sandwiches and drinks into the bullpen. "Hey Elaine." Without taking her eyes off Fraser, she answered her. "Hi Frannie." Francesca looked to where Elaine was staring and smiled. Crossing her arms, she sat down on the edge of Elaine's desk.
    "Fraser is one hot looking specimen of a man." Elaine leaned back in her chair and smiled up at her. "Yeah." *And you're brother ain't so bad either.* Sure she had a thing for Fraser. Didn't every woman who saw him? But for some reason she found herself attracted to Ray. There was something about him that set her nerves on edge. When she was looking at the two men, she always found herself ogling the balding Italian for some odd reason. Francesca's voice brought her back out of the clouds again.
    "Ya know, I read this thing the other day that said most Canadian men have little ones." Elaine snorted and leaned back in her chair. Leave it to Francesca to bring up a topic like that at work. Well...she didn't really work there, but that was another story. "Do they Frannie? I mean you did get to see Fraser's." Gesturing over at Fraser, she smirked. "So how big is he?" Francesca coughed and slid off the edge of the desk, nervously rubbing her hands together.
    "I...uh...I can't tell you that." "Oh come on. Just between you and me, how big is he?" Another voice joined in their conversation. "I bet he has a big one. Haven't you ever taken a good look at 'him' when he wears those skin tight jeans of his?" Elaine looked over her shoulder at Kassie. "Kassie, you naughty girl. So...how big do you think he is? Frannie won't say." Kassie smiled at Francesca. "Why not? I thought you and he did it."
    Francesca felt sick to her stomach and her palms began to sweat. She lowered her voice. "Oh all right! I'll tell you." Looking around she frowned. Both women leaned in close to her as she lowered her voice. "I...Frase and I...we...slept together, but..." Elaine gave her a sharp look. "But what Frannie." Francesca felt like an idiot. "We never did 'it'." Elaine snorted again and Kassie rolled her eyes. "Yeah right. You slept with him, but you didn't do anything."
    Francesca felt dumber than ever. She goes and tells the truth and no one would listen to her. "Look, we didn't do anything, but I do kinda know...ya know. I mean we cuddled together and he kinda...ya know when a guy's sleepin and then get a woody?" Elaine snickered and Kassie chuckled. Francesca smiled. "Okay, so ya both know what I'm talkin about then?" Both women nodded their heads yes.
    "Well...Frase kinda had one and I kinda let my hand roam a bit. He's not the Canadian average." All three women began laughing. Elaine smiled brightly. "And how much 'above' average would you say he is?" "Oh...about an additional two inches." "Get out!" Kassie laughed and nodded over at Fraser and Ray. "What about your brother, Frannie?" Francesca looked blankly back at Kassie. Elaine leaned even closer, her eyes growing wide. She was finally going to get some information on Ray and she didn't even have to ask. Francesca narrowed her eyes. "What about him?"
    Elaine sighed, then brightened up immediately as Kassie kept the pressure on Frannie. "Oh come on, you have to have seen your brother wandering around the house one time or another. How big is he?" "You are so gross!" "Oh come on Frannie, spill the beans. If you don't, I'm going right over to them and tell them what you just told us." "You wouldn't dare!" Kassie crossed her arms and smiled. "Oh yes I would."
    Francesca stuck her tongue out in distaste. She couldn't believe she was talking about her brothers size. "He's...average I guess. I didn't really get a good look 'cause that's somethin I really didn't want to see." "Size Frannie." Elaine grinned. "Yeah. Just how 'big' is Ray?" Francesca gave Elaine a funny look and then smirked. "I'd say Ray is around five inches. Is that good enough for 'you', Elaine?" A slight blush colored Elaine's cheeks and Kassie laughed. "Yeah, Elaine. Is that big enough for you?" "Shut up you guys!"
    Francesca looked across the room and smiled a cat like smile. "Yeah, Elaine. You can have my brother if you want to. He is single ya know." "Very funny Frannie." Kassie snickered. "Look, I gotta go, talk to you two later." As Kassie walked away, Francesca sat back down on the edge of Elaine's desk. "Ya know Elaine, I'll make a deal with you. If you help get me a date with Fraser, I'll get you a date with Ray." Elaine chewed at her lower lip. "Frannie..." "Oh come on. You know you want him."
    Sliding closer to Elaine, she snickered. "Come on. Help me okay. I know what Fraser has and I want to make sure he doesn't waste it. And Ray...he hasn't gotten laid any more than Fraser has, so you know he'd be easy pickins." Elaine smiled in spite of herself. "You're gross Frannie." "No, I want Fraser and that is definitely 'not' gross."
    Francesca snickered again. "He is kinda big." Licking her lower lip, she grinned seductively. "Plus I've always wondered what he would be like if he got all excited." Elaine slapped her playfully on the leg. "Frannie, you are bad!" "Uh huh. I may be bad, but I bet he's good." The two women moved closer together, laughing as they conspired. "Okay...here's what I want ya to do."

    "So I said to Dewey, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna pop ya one and he...Benny. Benny. Benny!" Fraser jumped slightly and focused his eyes on Ray. Ray gave him a funny look. Fraser's face was flushed a deep red. "What's wrong with you? Why're you all red?" "Um...nothing's the matter with me. What did you say about Detective Dewey?" "Forget it. You're zonin out again. When you really want to listen to me, let me know okay?" Ray leaned over the typewriter on his desk and began punching irritably at the keys. He hated it when Fraser ignored him like that. Why waste his breath talking if Fraser wasn't going to listen?

    Fraser sat ram rod straight in the chair next to Ray's desk. He couldn't believe everything he had heard. Some times it was a curse having hearing as good as he did. Having to sit there and listen to Francesca, Elaine and Kassie talking about him and Ray in that way. And then Francesca! She had...fondled him? How come he didn't feel something like that? All he could do is reason with himself that he had been so exhausted from his beating by Zuko's men that he was dead to the world.
    She knew how big he was. She also let Elaine and Kassie know it. And Ray...he had no idea that Kassie and Elaine were now privy to his personal measurements. The worst part of it all was Francesca and Elaine had lowered their voices to a level that he couldn't hear them plotting what they were going to do. Casting a look at Ray, he nervously ran a hand over a jean clad thigh. Looking down at  himself, he frowned. *My jeans are 'not' skin tight. They are comfortable.* Taking a deep breath, he leaned toward Ray.
    "Ray? Have you ever thought of Elaine in a romantic fashion?" Ray's hands stilled on the keys of the typewriter. He looked up at Fraser and then over to Elaine's desk where Elaine and Francesca were in deep discussion. Well, it couldn't have been too deep because they were both laughing. "Yeah...kinda. She's not bad lookin and she's fun to talk to." "Have you ever thought about...asking her out? On a date?" Ray lowered his hands from the typewriter and sat back. "Yeah. I thought about it before. Why?" Fraser blushed again as he caught another piece of Francesca and Elaine's conversation. Ray looked at Fraser and then back at Elaine's desk.
    "Okay Benny, what's goin on?" Ray snapped his fingers. "You dog. You were listenin to them talkin instead of listenin to me." Fraser gave Ray a guilty look. "I didn't do it on purpose. I can't help that I have good hearing." "You're nibby. So what were they talkin about?" Fraser rubbed at an eyebrow. "You...and me." "And what did they say?" There was no way he would tell Ray all of what they said, so he opted for a portion of their conversation.
    "Elaine wants Francesca to help her get a date with you and Francesca wants Elaine to help her get a date with me." Ray looked back over at his sister and Elaine. "You're for real?" "Yes Ray." Ray stared at Elaine, watching her dark curly head bobbing as she talked and gestured with her hands. He always did like Elaine, but dating? He snapped his fingers again. "I got it. Double date Benny. It's safe and we don't have to worry about doin anything stupid the first time." Fraser stared at Ray in shock. Ray was suggesting that they go on a date together. He actually suggested that 'he' date Francesca.
    "Are you certain about this Ray?" "Yeah, what the hell. We'll take 'em out to dinner and dancin. That's safe. What do you think?" Ray looked expectantly at Fraser. Fraser nodded his head slowly in agreement. "You wouldn't mind my dancing with Francesca?" "It's only dinner and dancin Benny. Other than that...keep your hands to yourself. Capish?" "Yes Ray. "Good. Let's go and ask em."
    As they stood to walk over and ask Francesca and Elaine out on a double dancing date, Fraser could feel his heart racing. Ray said he should keep his hands to himself, but he highly doubted Francesca would follow those exact instructions. And if Ray knew what Francesca and Elaine had been talking about, he didn't think that Ray would have been so eager to set them up together. Swallowing down his nervousness, he walked behind Ray, wondering just what kind of evening the four of them would have.