Author's webpage: http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/land/4191

This one is for Mitch Hudson, who is an Angel in more ways than one. Mitch, darling, I owe you big time; and I thought this might be a good way to pay the debt.

When I think of Mitch, my thoughts naturally turn to Ray/Ray; and I was listening to my Jimmy Buffet CD this afternoon, and the evil voice in my head took over...

Rated NC17 for m/m sex.

WHY DON'T WE GET DRUNK?

Ray Vecchio entered the bar and walked over to the bartender. "Thanks for calling me, Sean. Where is he?"

"Over there." The bartender pointed to a table in the darkened corner. A very disheveled looking detective was sitting there with a nearly empty pitcher of beer on the table in front of him.

Ray grinned. "Did he drink all that himself?"

"Sure did."

Ray sighed and walked over to the table and sat down. Ray Kowalski looked up at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Gee, Stanley, it's nice to see you too. Sean called me."

"He shouldna done that."

"Well, it's a good thing he did. If you're going to go off and get piss-faced drunk all by yourself you should at least have the good sense to do it in a bar out of your own district."

Kowalski was not at all chastised. "Why'd he call you?"

Vecchio shrugged. "I guess he thought you were my partner."

"Well I'm not!" Ray said defiantly. He then gave a heavy, heartbroken sigh. "I'm not anybody's partner." He drained his beer mug.

Vecchio sighed. "Come on, Stanley, I'll take you home."

"Don' call me Stanley, goddammit. My name's Ray, same as yours. And I can't go yet. More beer's on the way."

"You're going to drink another pitcher of beer all by yourself?"

"God, Vecchio, don' be such a stick in the mud. You're going to drink it wid me."

"No I'm not."

"Christ on a crutch! My grandmother is more fun to party with, and she's dead!" Kowalski burst into peals of laughter, as if this were the most clever joke he had ever told.

Ray sighed and rolled his eyes. Kowalski looked at him, still laughing, and Ray paused. Stan had a very nice smile. And the way his eyes were crinkling up could be described as nothing less than adorable.

At that moment, the waitress appeared with another pitcher of beer and two clean mugs. Ray sighed deeply. "You know, Stanley Ray, I think I will drink with you after all."

Sean looked over at the corner table nervously. The second pitcher of beer had been consumed rather quickly. Mostly by Vecchio. It was now almost closing time, and only a few tables were full; one of them the table occupied by the two detectives named Ray. Sean sighed. He hoped they would leave quietly. He hated it when cops gave him trouble. He rolled his eyes as the two men at the corner table burst into raucous laughter.

"... And so," Vecchio gasped out through his laughter, "he says 'I can't help it...'

Kowalski joined in for the punchline. "I'm Canadian!" The two Rays laughed hysterically.

Stan calmed down suddenly and pronounced: "I hate Canadians."

"Me too." Agreed Ray, thumping his beer glass on the table for emphasis.

"You know what I hate most of all? They're so stupid! Just dense and stupid and..." Kowalski trailed off into mumbling.

"And they pretend to be SO innocent." Ray said, with the air of one who has been deeply wronged. "It's all 'Oh, let me parade around in front of you with my cute little face and my tight little ass'. Not that we can really see their tight little asses through those baggy Mountie pants."

"What is up with those pants?" Asked Stan. "Why are they so goddamned baggy? Is it so when they finally get their man they'll have a place to put him?"

"I sure as hell have never been in a Mountie's pants. Have you?"

"Never! Stupid dense fucking Canadians."

Just then Sean appeared at the table. "Gentlemen, it's closing time. You'll have to leave now."

"That could be a bit of a problem." Vecchio said. "I'm kinda drunk, and my friend Ray here is wayyyy drunk."

"Uck foo, Vecchio. You're way drunker than me."

The bartender hastily interrupted. "That doesn't matter, boys. I've already called a cab for you."

"You did?!" Vecchio's face lit up with a smile. "Oh my God, that is soooo nice of you!"

"You are the best bartender ever!" Stan said with a sappy grin.

"Yup. I'm a prince. But your cab is here, folks; so good night."

The two men rose very unsteadily from the table and walked from the bar.

Ray and Ray walked into Kowalski's bedroom, Ray leaning heavily on Ray. They staggered over to the bed, and Vecchio pushed Kowalski onto the bed as gently as he could.

Kowalski, though, still had his arm wrapped around Ray's shoulder, so he wound up falling on top of him.

"Sorry." He said, starting to move off. Stan's other arm came up around Vecchio's shoulders, halting him.

"That's OK." He smiled. He looked at Ray for several long moments, and his smile deepened. "You know, Vecchio, you're not as horribly ugly as I used to think you were."

"Yeah, well..." Ray tried desperately to think of a comeback for that one, but he couldn't.

"As a matter of fact, you're actually pretty cute." Stan smiled delightedly and ran a finger down Ray's nose.

"Stanley, you're drunk."

"No'm not."

"Are too."

"You're still cute." To prevent any further argument, Stan pulled Ray down for a kiss.

With a great deal of reluctance, Ray broke away. "Kowalski, you are drunk, and I don't take advantage of someone when they're drunk."

"Well, you're drunk, too. Maybe I'm taking advantage of you. Didja ever think of that?"

Ray tried to follow the logic in that argument, but it only made his head spin more than it already was.

Stan was starting to look upset again. "Don't you want to have sex with me?"

"That's not the point."

"Goddammit! Do you want to have sex with me or not?!"

"Yes. All right? I want to have sex with you! God, how could I not? I see you every damn day, parading your tight little ass around in front of me. And believe me, Stanley, there's nothing baggy about your pants."

Stan grinned up at him. "I know."

Ray returned the grin full force. "And I've even seen more than your ass, if you know what I mean. Especially after we've been to the Consulate and a certain Constable has been on duty..."

"Vecchio?"

"Yes?"

"Do you see any Mounties in this room?"

"No."

"Then shut up and fuck me."

Ray hesitated.

Kowalski heaved a very impatient sigh. "Look, Vecchio, I am drunk, but I still know what I'm doing, OK? And I'm not going to regret this in the morning. Will you?"

"No."

Stan smiled and without another word pulled Ray down for a kiss. Any lingering desire to argue left Ray, and he returned the kiss; parting Stan's lips and entering his mouth with his tongue.

Stan sighed and wriggled happily beneath Ray, then reached up and began unbuttoning the other man's shirt.

In return, Ray reached down and tugged Stan's t-shirt from the waistband of his jeans, and pulled it as far up his chest as he could. The shirt's progress was halted at the shoulders, though, so Ray pulled away. "Get up." He gasped, rising to his knees.

Stan was confused at the sudden interruption. "What?"

Vecchio knelt above him and pulled Kowalski to his knees. "Come here." He said, and pulled the t-shirt over Kowalski's head.

"Oh." Stan smiled, then removed Vecchio's shirt and tossed it to the floor. Next the two men were fumbling with each other's belts, finally managing to remove them and toss them on the floor as well. Their pants were unzipped and pushed down to the ankles.

The two men knelt, breathing rather harshly and eyeing each other's bodies. Vecchio ran a hand lightly down Ray's ribs. "You need to eat more." He told his partner.

Stan gave him a huge grin. "Is that an invitation?"

Ray laughed. "Oh, shut up." He removed Kowalski's underwear, pushing them down to pool at Stan's ankles with his pants. He stared for a long moment, then smiled up at Stan. "Very nice."

"Thank you. I've always thought so."

Before he knew what was happening, Vecchio's boxers were down at his feet.

"And might I compliment you as well." Said Stan, without removing his eyes from Ray's cock.

"Oh, you like it?"

"Yes."

"Good." Vecchio grabbed Kowalski and rolled them both to the bed, with Stan winding up on top of him.

Stan shifted slightly, and the men's cocks rubbed together. Both Rays gasped and Kowalski pulled back slightly. "You OK?"

"Never better." Vecchio smiled happily. "You?"

"I'm great." He leaned back down and kissed Ray again, and this time he was the one exploring Ray's mouth with his tongue. He became aware that Vecchio's very nimble hands were doing incredible things to his ass, and he sighed and moaned with pleasure.

Vecchio lifted his hips off the bed slightly and began rubbing his cock back and forth against Stan's.

Kowalski gasped and broke the kiss, then moved to bury his face in Ray's neck. He began nibbling and licking Ray there, all the while thrusting eagerly and urgently against the other man's cock.

Soon- all too soon- Vecchio felt himself nearing completion, and he groaned. "Stan, I'm going to-" His words broke off abruptly and he cried out with pleasure as he came against the other man's body.

Kowalski gasped and began thrusting even harder against his partner. "Oh, God! Oh yes!!" He gave another strangled gasp, and then he too came, spilling his seed over Ray. He collapsed forward to lay on top of Ray for a few moments, then rolled off to lay next to him; both men breathing harshly.

After a few minutes, Vecchio rolled over to his side and raised himself up onto one elbow. He ran his fingers gently through Stan's hair, then leaned down for a lingering kiss.

The two men just smiled at each other for a while, and then Vecchio broke the silence. "Stanley Raymond, if this is what you do when you're drunk, what must you be like sober?"

Kowalski grinned up at him happily. "Why don't we get a few hours sleep; and I'll show you?"

The End