Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV, or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.
Rated PG (adult situations, some swearing)
An Acquired Taste
By SL Haas
(Copyright November 1996, Revised May 1999)
July 1984
T
he day had been enjoyable. Benton Fraser had experienced many things in his life but nothing like today. He shook his head. Honestly, rock-tasting...who would have thought it? Phil was certainly...what was it Rob had called her? Daft! That was the word. Phil was certainly daft and a little off-center. That was just one of the reasons he loved her. She continually surprised him. He didn't want the day to end, but it was late and he knew the time wasn't right to...his mind shied away from that thought. He was getting tired of cold showers.He stepped away from the Blazer, but put a hand on the door before Phil could drive away. "I almost forgot." He smiled then hurriedly said, "I have tickets for the symphony for next weekend. I know you have off and I know how much you love classical music. And I thought I would ask you before you had a chance to make other plans. Would you accompany me to the symphony?" It all came out in a rush. He hoped she would accept. If she didn't...he knew he wouldn't go without her. "I could wear my dress 'reds'..." He hoped she didn't already have plans. As much as he had enjoyed this day in the field, it was not a real date.
Phil heard the plea in his voice as it trailed off. He really wanted to take her? Why did he want to spend time with her? It amazed her that Ben wanted to be with her and not some other woman. The symphony? She had just the dress. She looked at Ben's face, saw disappointment beginning to settle on his face.
‘She's not going to accept,’ Ben thought. ‘She already has plans for next weekend.’ He watched Phil's eyes and saw her lopsided smile light her face.
"I'd love to go with you, Ben."
Did he hear that right?
It must have shown on his face because she grasped his arms and shook him. "Ben, I said I would go to the symphony with you." She laughed and squeezed his hand. Then she pushed him away from the car door, "Now let me go...before I lose all sense of propriety."
He definitely would like to see that but...he smiled at her and watched the Blazer drive away. It stopped and backed up. She called to him, "T, what day and what time? I need to know."
He shook himself and gave her the required information, then surprised himself by asking, "What color dress will you be wearing?"
"Black," her husky voice turned that one word into a caress. Much like the way she said 'Ben.' Just the way she smiled at him with her crooked smile and the way she said his name could generate such heat inside him that...
'Oh dear,' he signed deeply, 'another cold shower night. One of these days, Phil, I'll be done with cold showers forever. That's a promise I've made myself, Philippe Henry Sheridan McKenzie.' He waved at the silhouette in the Blazer as she drove away.
* * *
Phil dug in the back of her closet for the cocktail dress TJ had given her for her birthday two years ago. The dress was a beautiful black lace affair, low cut, falling to just above her knees in body clinging lines. She had never owned anything so beautiful or so revealing. When she tried it on for the first time, her brothers serenaded her with wolf whistles.
"See, Rob! I told you underneath the jeans and sweats was a woman!"
"I never doubted that. I just never realized how much of a woman!"
By this time Phil was blushing a deep scarlet that accentuated the delicate blackness of the dress. "If you two don't let up on me, I'll never wear this dress again. Or anything remotely resembling it!" The good-natured jesting continued but she still felt uncomfortable. She carefully stored the gown in a dress bag and hung it in the back of her closet. It hadn't seen the light of day since.
But, here she was digging through her closet to find it. That is if she dared to wear the dress. There it was! All it needed was a quick trip to the cleaners to remove the wrinkles. She could wear the opal necklace Rob had given her with it.
* * *
The hot water sluicing across his body from the showerhead felt good. He massaged a tight spot in his neck and leaned forward to let the water beat on his back. It felt so good. The only thing that could possibly feel better would be Phil's hands massaging his back, running across his chest, down his stomach to...
The desire for Phil ran rampant. His whole body shook. "Phil..." slipped from his lips. He had never desired anyone the way he wanted Phil; even his desire for Cat was not like this. When he was with Phil, he wanted her, but when he was away from her, he wanted her even more. He couldn't get enough of her. The prospect of never seeing her after October created a panic that threatened to overpower him. He had only felt this way about one other person but the love he had for Cat was nothing like what he felt for Phil. He had acquired a taste for Phil McKenzie. It was almost like an addiction.
There were times when he wished he had never applied for the training program. Then he would never have come to Colorado, never have known Phil McKenzie, never have experienced the emotions that claimed him. He would have never known what it meant to find his soul mate. He would never have agonized over going home. But...he had come to Colorado, had met Phil, had fallen in love with her. What was he going to do?
He ran his fingers through his hair noting that it was getting a little long. A slight smile curved his mouth. He loved the way Phil ran her fingers through it. She liked the curls that resulted when she threaded her fingers through his hair. He sometimes wished that her hair were longer. He closed his eyes and imagined the feel of her hair on him, flowing around her body like a cloak...he felt his desire rising once more. "Oh dear!" He reached for the faucet and turned the cold water on full blast. The shock of the cold after the warmth of the hot water had the desired result.
He quickly left the shower and dried himself. He pulled on his freshly starched boxers and turned to the small mirror. He rubbed his chin and decided to shave again, even though he had shaved that morning.
He dressed slowly and carefully. He didn't own a suit and his dress uniform seemed the most appropriate thing to wear. He hadn't worn it in almost three months. It seemed strange to be putting it on now. He took special care in making sure the seams of his jodhpurs were straight, the belts lay flat, and his boots were laced uniformly. They gleamed from the polishing they had undergone. He wanted to look his best for Phil. He tugged at the collar of his tunic. Damn, but he hated the scratchy wool...especially in summer. But for Phil, he would gladly suffer the discomfort.
Phil...he wondered what she would be wearing. He had never seen her in anything except flannels, T-shirts, jeans, or shorts and...he had seen her in considerably less. His thoughts flashed back to Blue Cabin. His eyes closed and the feel of her skin, the scent of her hair, the loveliness of her body stirred his desires once more. He reluctantly pulled his thoughts away from Blue. He didn't have the time for another cold shower.
He removed the corsage from the tiny refrigerator and retrieved his Stetson from the bed. Maybe tonight would see the collapse of Phil's fears and her denial of what existed between them. Maybe tonight they could discuss the future. Maybe tonight he wouldn't return to his motel room to spend the night alone.
* * *
Phil was dressed a good half-hour before Ben was to arrive. She struggled to fasten the clasp of the necklace, but her hands shook. 'Dammit, Phil, get a hold of yourself!' Every time she thought the necklace was fastened it slid off her neck and settled into the cleavage revealed by the dress.
"Dammit!" Phil's courage faltered and she headed for the stairway and the closet in her bedroom. Maybe there was something else she could wear--something less revealing--something that didn't need a necklace or at least one she could fasten. She gave the opal necklace one last try. As before, it slid down to where it didn't belong. "Dammit!"
Ben removed his hat and knocked on the door. He carefully brushed at an imagined piece of lint on his dress 'reds' and smiled. What would Phil be wearing? Surely she had something appropriate. She had said black. He hoped the wrist corsage of red rosebuds was appropriate. He knocked again. Where was she? The door finally opened. His eyes roved up and down, drinking in the vision before him. He was stunned. He could feel his eyes widen and his mouth drop open. Surely this...this wasn't Phil?
A hand was clutched to the bodice of a low-cut black lace gown, revealing the rounded mounds of breasts, lightly tanned shoulders and a neck rising to a face framed by curls and wisps of hair. The vision smiled at him with Phil's crooked smile.
"Phil, is that...I mean, you look...that is..." He was stammering. He had never stammered in her presence before. But this...this couldn't be his Phil.
Phil blushed as Ben's frankly approving gaze moved over her figure. The hand she held to the bodice of her gown to keep the necklace from settling further now spread out in a futile effort to cover some of the exposed flesh. "Ben, you're early! I'm not quite ready. Come on in. You can wait while I finish up." She turned away from him and moved toward the great room.
Ben could see she was struggling with something in front of her. "Is there something I can help you with?"
"No...that is, yes, maybe you can help me. I can't seem to get my necklace fastened."
He tossed his Stetson and the corsage on a table. He came up behind her and saw her fingers delving into her cleavage. His fingers curled as an image of his fingers replacing hers ran through his mind. He remembered Blue Cabin and Phil's soft skin, her body...
"There it is!" Phil's fingers extracted a necklace from her cleavage. She turned around and surprised the strangest expression on Ben's face. His eyes were fastened on her cleavage and the curve of her breasts above the bodice of the dress. ‘Dammit! I should have changed!’ she thought as her hands moved to cover herself. "T, if you don't stop looking at me like that, I'll...I'll..."
Ben’s eyes remained riveted to the 'hands' in front of her dress.
"That does it. I'm changing. I will not have you looking at me like I was a...a side of beef and you were a ravenous wolf!" She made to move past him.
Ben wrenched his eyes away from Phil's 'hands'. "I'm sorry...I just...I've never...You see..." He stopped and smiled sheepishly at Phil. He took a deep breath and began again, "You've taken me by surprise, Phil." He paused and reached for her, "Gosh, Phil, you're beautiful!" There was a strange quality to his voice that sent chills up and down her spine.
'Beautiful?' she questioned herself as she allowed him to draw her close to his body. Beautiful? No, Ben was the beautiful one. He was incredibly handsome in his red uniform. ‘When they passed out the good looks, he must have gone back for seconds,’ she thought. What am I doing here? Her arms crept around his shoulders; she threaded her fingers in his thick hair, and pulled his face down for a kiss. Just as quickly she stepped back and handed her necklace to Ben. She then turned her back on him.
The necklace was a series of opal cabochons in a filigree setting. Ben placed it around Phil's neck and secured the clasp. The view over her shoulder did nothing to help restore his composure. ‘Damn, not another cold shower?’ he complained to himself.
"Thank you, T. I've struggled with that necklace for over 10 minutes. It was a gift from Rob." She was babbling; she couldn't help it. Just the nearness of Ben could turn her insides to Jell-O. How could this man possibly be interested in her? She shook her head in bewilderment. If she wasn't careful, she'd fall head-over-heels in love with him. She fingered her necklace and glanced at the man who had turned her world upside down. A pang of prescient despair gently squeezed her heart as a little voice inside her said, ‘Who are you kidding, you've already done that and come October...he'll leave you.’ A slight movement in the periphery of her vision caught her eye. It drew her upwards out of her despair. She watched Ben stride to the table and turn to her.
Ben retrieved the corsage, removed it from its box, and approached Phil. "I have very little experience buying flowers for a date. I hope you like these..." He fastened it around Phil's wrist.
Phil lifted the rosebuds to her nose and inhaled their fragrance. "It's lovely, Ben. It is perfect with this dress. Thank you."
His toes curled at the sound of his name on her lips. He was in bad shape if the mere sound of his name spoken by her low voice could so affect him. He knew he loved her. He was only beginning to realize just how powerful that emotion could be. What was he going to do when he had to return to Canada? What were they both going to do? This was something they needed to talk about. He knew how much his return home would affect him...how much it would affect Phil. He could remember her fever-delirious pleas to stay with her. He remembered them, did she? Somehow, he didn't think she did.
Phil reached for her wrap but Ben's hands were there first. He draped the wrap around her shoulders, his fingers lingering on the bare flesh. His lips planted a gentle caress on the back of her neck. Phil turned in his arms. Her hands came up to cup his face. She stared long into his glacier blue eyes. Satisfied with what she saw there she gently pulled his face down and returned his gentle kiss.
Ben smiled at her. Almost...this time she had almost opened her lips to him. Almost, but not quite. Soon though, he would gain access to her mouth. Soon...
He retrieved his Stetson and together they left for the concert.
* * *
"I have reservations at Damien's. I thought we could eat before the concert?" His eyes sought Phil's. "I've heard it's a good restaurant."
"I've heard it's one of the best. I've also heard you have to make reservations weeks in advance. How did you manage that?"
Ben coughed then replied, "I made the reservations several weeks ago--just after you got out of the hospital. That's when I got the concert tickets as well."
"So, you've been planning this date for several weeks now?" Ben nodded his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was afraid you might decline. I almost didn't ask you last week but..."
"I'm glad you did, T. I guess this is our first official date? It somehow seems strange to think of it as such. We have done so many things together. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I think I do, Phil."
The dinner was enjoyable. The food was well prepared and the conversation that flowed around the eating was satisfying to both parties. Humor was shared, family discussed, reminisces of the past entwined with recollections of the day. More than one head turned to watch the couple who were so obviously in love.
The concert was exceptional--the music superb. Phil's favorite was Ravel's 'Bolero' and the orchestra performed it with such feeling. It stirred her blood and she unconsciously reached for Ben's hand. When he took hers, she smiled at him letting a little of the love she felt show in her eyes.
The look in Phil's eyes when she glanced at him would haunt Ben for years. He could actually see love there. He could still see the shutters, but, at least, he had seen a glimpse of love there. An inexpressible feeling of contentment pervaded his heart.
* * *
Of all the things he had to do when it came to Phil, the hardest thing was saying goodbye. He took the wrap from her shoulders and draped it across the back of a chair. He followed Phil out onto the deck and stared at the night sky with her. He took her into his arms and held her as she leaned against his chest. He smiled. She was listening to his heartbeat. She had told him it brought her peace to hear the steady beat of his heart. Just holding her in his arms, burying his face in her hair, and breathing the lavender scent of her shampoo did the same for him.
He bent his head and placed a kiss on her neck. He inhaled deeply. The lavender scent he associated with Phil was masked by another subtler scent. "Phil, are you wearing perfume?"
"Yes. Why?" She turned a puzzled look on him. "Don't you like it?"
"Yes, very much." He inhaled again closing his eyes. The scent was delicate, yet stimulating. No, that wasn't the right word. It was more than stimulating. It was arousing. That's what it was! It was arousing! He drew back from Phil and took several deep breaths of non-scented air. He needed them to clear his head.
"T, are you all right?" Ben noted the concern in Phil's voice. His arms dropped to his sides.
"Yes, I'm fine. You've never worn perfume before. Why now?"
He watched the tip of her tongue slowly glide across her lips. Its movement mesmerized him. "I don't usually wear the stuff, but this is a special occasion so I thought..." Her voice trailed off as she caught a glimpse of the flames burning in Ben's eyes. Naked desire poured from him. She had rarely seen that look in a man's eyes before Ben. She could usually read his emotions as they played across his face or in his eyes, but this one was one she didn't know how to handle. If it had been any other man she would have cut off the relationship immediately the moment she first saw 'that look.' But this was Ben. He had never treated her with anything but respect and kindness and gentleness and... She stared at him wide-eyed with confusion. She swallowed several times and took a step back away from him.
Ben saw the 'deer-in-the-spotlight' look in Phil's eyes before he realized what had happened. He reached for her even as she backed away from him. He felt a twinge of fear in his heart. He had scared her again. But, dammit! He was tired of hiding his growing desire for her. He was surprised when Phil's voice reached him in a whisper.
"Ben, can I ask you a stupid question?"
He stared into her eyes reading confusion, doubt, and a small tinge of apprehension. He smiled and replied, "One of my favorite teachers once told me there were no such things as stupid questions, only stupid answers." He paused then continued, "Ask and I'll try not to give you a stupid answer."
Phil drew in a shaky breath. How could she phrase the question that burned in her?
Ben wasn't helping any by looking at her the way he was. He watched her moisten her lips with her tongue--felt his desire rekindle.
Phil saw the flames in his eyes once more. "What are you thinking right at this moment, Ben? You're eyes say something that I need you to clarify. I've seen this look before and I need to know what it is you want from me." She turned away and stared across the darkened meadow. Did she really want to know what he wanted from her? What if it wasn't love but only sex? Could she handle that? Did she want to handle that? She turned back to him.
"I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't mean to frighten you. But ..." He drew in a deep breath, "...that's all I'm sorry for. I will not apologize for the fact that I want you...desire you..." He held his hand out to her. "Phil, you have no idea what you do to me."
Phil stared at Ben as he reached for her then drew his hand back. He wanted her. Plain and simple. At least he hadn't pretended that he loved her. He had answered her question.
Her heart turned to stone in that instant. She lowered her head and closed her eyes. He didn't love her. Well, she had expected this all along. Why was she upset, now that it had happened? After all, he was a man.
She wanted Ben to leave so she could crawl back inside her shell and isolate herself from everyone. She knew when she first saw him that he was trouble. Why had she let him get to her? Why couldn't she forget him and go on with her life? Why did it hurt so much to finally know where she stood with him? Why? Because she loved him, that's why. Her thoughts returned to the here and now as his rich voice continued.
"Phil, I cannot envision a life without you. Every time I think of leaving in October, I..." He looked at her and Phil saw the pain darken his glacier blue eyes. He reached for her and drew his hand back again--almost as if he was afraid to touch her. Instead he ran his hand through his hair. "I promise you, Phil, I will never force myself on you or take something you're not willing to give. No matter how much I want you. And Phil...it's not just sex I want...I want you...all of you. The desire for sex is just a natural part of what I feel for you."
Phil felt her heart beat again. As he raked his fingers through his hair and made his confession, she smiled. It was her turn to reach out to him. She did so, using her fingers to smooth down the hair he had mussed. Capturing her hand, he brought it to his lips. He kissed her palm before letting it go. The look he turned on her asked for her forgiveness. Phil used both her hands to cup his face and draw it down to meet hers in a kiss.
"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Phil smiled and nodded. "Good. And Phil..." He made sure he had her attention, "...get used to seeing that look in my eyes. I can't help it and I'm tired of hiding it from you. Just, please, don't be frightened of it or of me. Okay?"
Phil searched Ben's eyes and read the sincerity there. She nodded again. It was Ben's turn to smile.
* * *
Ben lay on his bed in his motel room. His thoughts took their familiar path to Phil. Over the past two weeks, he had seen two completely different sides of her. Spending a day with her as she prepared for her field course he had seen Phil in casual mode. He was impressed with her abilities as a teacher. He had actually learned something, not that he would be chewing on rocks much in his line of work. But using his sense of taste as an investigative technique was something he was definitely going to pursue. And he had seen her...his mind's eye saw Phil in that dress and his pulse began to race. He had seen a side to her that he knew few had seen. He doubted that any of their friends had ever seen Phil in a dress like the one she had worn for him.
That familiar feeling began to build in his groin. Soon he was going to break through her resistance and she would admit her feelings for him. Phil was stubborn, but he had grown up in the wilds of northern Canada. He was patient--patient and persistent. Phil didn't stand a chance. Sooner or later, she would admit what she felt for him. He knew that with a certainty. He smiled in anticipation. He could wait.
To be continued (?)
Copyright November 1996 by SL Haas
Revised May 1999
Comments are welcome at
durango@ionet.netFraser’s Secret
(Book 1)