This is part of a series regarding the adventures of Thatcher and Fraser at Disney World. The due South characters belong to Alliance, not me. Disney World belongs to some huge publicly owned conglomerate, not me. This is not an advertisement for the "Mens Warehouse" - I am merely a victim of exposure to too many radio commercials. As with the other parts of this series, brand names and logos are used with self-indulgent abandon, but for no commercial benefit by me.

RATING: G

The past week had been a whirlwind of preparations, between finishing the work at the consulate and preparing for the trip. Fraser had read the information packet several times, as well as reviewing the material available on the Internet, before finally accepting that he was going to need Ray's assistance in preparing. A shopping expedition was required. Having survived the morning's session on the seminar accommodations, Fraser hoped that Ray would have fulfilled his need to torture his friend about the upcoming trip.

Hope may spring eternal, but some wells never run dry. Ray had more than adequate opportunities to continue his campaign. On the way home that evening, Fraser finally summoned the courage to broach the subject with his friend.

"Ah, Ray, I've been reviewing the seminar literature, particularly the schedule of events . . . . " He got no further.

"Yeah Benny, so when do you and the Inspector have your breakfast with Mickey and Donald Duck. Hey, I want a picture of you with Huey, Dewey, and Louie. It would make the Duck Boys die of envy!" This trip was providing unlimited fodder for Ray's imagination, the products of which he was more than willing to share. He hadn't even started on the idea that the two most serious people he knew were staying in the Gorilla Compound. That was going to take a little time to fully develop.

"Yes, well, there is no indication on the schedule of breakfast with Disney Characters, although there are several unnamed special event blocks, particularly in the evenings."

~ Oh Dear. ~ Fraser knew he had stepped in that one. Here was a man who could navigate his way through the thickest Canadian forest with nothing more than a compass and his finger stuck in the wind, but who could not avoid the conversational minefields of discussing this trip.

"Special Evening Events! Well I can sure think of several events for you and the lovely Inspector. I have to ask you, something. I know you guys don't carry guns here, but what about handcuffs?" The Vice Pool tickled the back of his mind and he couldn't' resist.

Fraser looked at him quizzically for a moment and then put the two images together. Zingo! But still only 8.5 on the Mountie Blush-o-meter. What Fraser recalled with full sensory load was being handcuffed to the Inspector and then fishing for a hairpin in her bosom. He had somehow failed to relay any of these events to Ray. By some serendipitous turn of events, his survival instincts had kicked in before his inclinations toward candor could become suicidal.

"Ray! Inspector Thatcher and I would never use police equipment in such an unprofessional manner." Fraser could effect such a tone of shock that it tickled Ray to even hear it. In some ways, Ray knew he shouldn't be giving Benny such a hard time, but it had been so long since he'd had the opportunity. Fraser was such a straight up guy. This was just too good to pass up and he couldn't resist.

"Okay, Okay Benny, don't get all hot and bothered, at least not until you are with the Dragon Lady. What's the problem?"

"Well. We have been directed to wear only civilian clothes, and it appears that there is at least one dinner requiring . . . "

"CLOTHES! Oh, God, Benny, does this mean that I am finally going to be able to take you shopping for CLOTHES! Oh, this trip is an answer to more than one of my prayers. Get ready Dief, we are going SHOPPING!!!" Making a U-turn in the middle of the block, Ray careened down the street toward the biggest shopping mall in Chicago."

 "Okay Benny, gimme the list. We don't have a lot of time and this is the wrong season for even trying to get some of the things you'll need." Ray grabbed the list from Fraser's wilting hand.

They had arrived unscathed at the shopping mall, but Fraser knew that his time in the barrel was far from over. Until now, he had been able to ward off Ray's many previous attempts to get him to expand his wardrobe. He couldn't see the need. He had his uniforms for all work-related events, and blue jeans and flannel shirts or tee shirts seemed to have sufficed for everything else. Ray, the die-hard clotheshorse had been mightily frustrated at not being able to convince him to break into new areas sartorial of splendor. Clearly, this had resulted in a pent-up demand for shopping, which suddenly had the possibility of being purged. Ray was in Nirvana; Fraser suspected that he was on the boat dock for the River Stix.

"Okay, Benny it looks to me like you need something to wear for at least one group dinner, as wells as stuff to wear during the day, and probably at least one swim suit. My God, do you even own a pair of trunks? I mean, do you guys go swimming in Canada, or do you just jump fully clothed into ice floes when the mood strikes?" Sometimes Ray's ignorance about Canada could be quite stupendous. Ray appeared to have forgotten that Fraser had managed to save both of them when they had gone over the waterfall after their plane was hijacked that time.

"Ray, of course I did own swimming trunks, all recruits are issued swimming gear as part of their uniforms. Unfortunately, they went up with most of the rest of my belongings when the apartment was burned. So, unfortunately, no, I no longer own swimming trunks." The destruction of his apartment was still something of a sore point with Fraser, which Ray didn't like to poke at too much.

"Okay Benny, so you need shorts, trunks and something to wear at night. Oops, something to wear to dinner. Who knows what you will wear at night, what with the lovely Inspector just in the next room." Chuckle, chuckle, Ray was having tremendous fun. Fraser was hoping it would all go away.

"So, Benny you got any ideas about this evening stuff? I was thinking that you really can't swing some of the more innovative styles that I kinda like. I just don't think they'll work for you. You need a certain 'something' to make them really cook. I'm thinking that you should go with the classic, tried and true, 'Joe College' look." Fraser had absolutely no idea of what Ray was talking about. He only hoped that Ray would not suggest something that would be so bizarre that Fraser would think that it would be more appropriate for Halloween.

"Yeah, I think for you we are talking blue and beige - blue blazer and khaki slacks. You'll see; it will look good. Of course, you are going to have to accept the idea that the only red you may be wearing will be little stripes in your tie. " Patting his buddy on the back, he led him to the "Men's Warehouse" where he knew he could get just the right stuff, and have it tailored and ready to go in time. Ray handed Fraser over to the salesman with the list and then sat back. They were even able to find some shorts on sale in their Atlanta store and get them shipped to Chicago in time.

 "Now Benny, we gotta talk about The Hat." Ray had to be careful here, since he knew that Fraser and the Stetson was right up there with Fraser and Diefenbaker in terms of special attachments. Messing with 'The Hat' was real dangerous territory. On the other hand . . . .

"What about my hat, Ray?" Fraser was not comfortable with Ray even mentioning his Stetson, since deep down, he thought he knew where this conversation was going. Fraser might have experience gaps, but nobody said he was stupid. Well, they only rarely said it to his face.

"Fraser, let me ask you something - is your Stetson part of the RCMP uniform?" Ah, Ray was going to attempt logic, the rational approach - unfortunately this was not a rational situation.

"Why yes, Ray, the Stetson is part of the Mounted Officer's uniform." Fraser was at least two steps ahead on this one, he hoped. Although, you never could tell with Ray, he had a capacity for trickiness that could have unexpected results.

"So tell me Benny, what other kinds of headgear do the Mounties wear. I've always been curious. I mean it seems to me that there have to be some kinds of situations in which 'The Hat' might not work too well."

"Why Ray, I don't recall any situation in which my Stetson was not more than adequate to meet the challenge." Fraser said with utmost gravity.

Ray could come up with at least 16 situations that flashed through his mind, at least 4 of which fulfilled the Vice Pool criteria. He fought with all the strength he could muster to not give into the hysterics dancing like bumblebees on his tongue. While he thought he might burst a blood vessel, he triumphed!

"However, in addition to the Stetson, approved head gear includes the fur hat, which we do not have to discuss, and a baseball cap." OOPs! Ray could barely contain his glee, a viable alternative.

"Now Benny, this presents some options that you might want to consider, given the Florida environment. . . ." Ray knew that this argument was going to take a while. He knew it was going to be a big issue when Fraser mentioned that the Stetson would act as the perfect sun protection. Big Trouble!

And they hadn't even gotten to the issue of shoes, sunglasses. Yee Gods, what Ray did for his best friend. He better be getting brownie points for heaven on this one.

By the time Fraser boarded the plane, he was at least ready with the right clothes and accessories.

Of course that was the only facet of the trip that he had a prayer of being ready for; and it was pretty much the least important part, too.

This just covered more of the background details. The adventure has hardly begun.