By: Amethyst FEEDBACK

         It was almost three months into the quest, when they reached the point that Fraser had calculated the Hand of Franklin might be, though he had been quick to warn Ray at the beginning that no one had ever found the hand and that their quest might be in vain. Ray had been off the sled before Fraser had the team completely stopped and was running toward something -though Fraser didn't know what. He settled the dogs, unhitched Diefenbaker and went to stand beside his friend, who was shaking and staring out at the vast wilderness of ice before them.
         He had thought perhaps that Ray was cold or perhaps the exhaustion had finally gotten to him, but he was astounded to find the detective laughing almost hysterically, as he dropped to his knees in the snow. Worried that the man he secretly adored was loosing his mind, Fraser dropped next to him and reached out a hand to calm him, only to have Ray throw his arms around the him and kiss him roughly, passionately on the lips. To say that Fraser had been shocked was an understatement, the very action had caused them both to topple backwards into the snow. Ray raised his head and stared down at him, as though realizing what he had done, then grinned sheepishly and climbed off the Mountie-offering him a hand up.
         Fraser neither took the hand offered or attempted to rise, he kept staring at Ray standing above him, remembering the feel of the other man's lips on his, his tongue in his mouth, like it had been a dream and he was not fully awake.
         "I'm sorry,  ya okay?" Ray offered quietly as Fraser finally took his hand and allowed himself to be hauled upwards. "I...I just got a little excited."
         "But Ray..." Fraser finally started, glad to have his voice back again under his control, since Ray's kiss had robbed him of it earlier. "I...I don't understand? We...there is nothing here. We haven't found the hand of Franklin, Ray."
         "Yah, I know." Ray replied easily as he moved away from Fraser and started to play with Dief, who was romping delightedly in the snow. "I never thought we would." Fraser stared at him-okay; perhaps he could be shocked a  little bit more. Ray never believed they would find the hand of Franklin? Then why had they come? Why had they embarked on the quest? Why did Ray put himself through the torture of staying with him and the harsh environment of the North?
         "You...you mean you didn't want to find the hand of Franklin?" Fraser gasped confused, as Ray finally turned back to him again and grinned.
         "Nah, I mean...it would have been cool if we did-but it's no big deal that we didn't." Fraser tugged on his ear and caressed his brow with his thumb nail
         "I...I am confused, Ray." He admitted. "If you do not care whether we find the hand or not, then why are we here looking for it?"
         "Because lookin' is half the fun, Fraser." Ray opted calmly as he made his way back to the sled and prepared to climb in. "Now we can go to yer cabin." Fraser stared at him, his confusion giving way to anger. Fun! Ray had done this for fun! Had suffered near phenomena, frost bite, sleepless nights, exhaustion, for fun! It wasn't possible, why would the detective subject himself to such....
         "Why, Ray?" Fraser found himself asking and Ray turned back and walked over to him. He reached up a gloved hand and brushed some snow from Fraser's face where they had fallen.
         "It was never about the hand of Franklin, Frase." He revealed softly. "It was a test, fer me, ta see if I could survive up here. I can survive, Fraser, ya showed me how, I'm even startin' ta like it-cept for da cold and I'll get used ta dat." Fraser shook his head, not comprehending his friend's words and Ray stilled his confusion by placing his hand on either side of Fraser's face.
         "I...I don't understand, Ray." Fraser stated quietly and Ray nodded.
         "I know ya don't buddy, but you will." He patted Fraser's shoulder then stepped back. "You will." Fraser watched him harness Dief back in line then climb into the sled and cover himself with the blanket. He glanced back at the still unmoving Mountie. "Pitter patter, Benton. Daylight's waistin'."
 

        "How much farther, Frase?" Ray asked as he and the Canadian built their shelter for the night and spread the sleeping bags out under it next to the fire Fraser had prepared, while the sled dogs snuggled against one another for warmth and nearby Diefenbaker curled up next to the fire. They had been headed for Fraser's Father's cabin, when they had received a telegram from one of the locals announcing that Stella had wanted to talk to Ray urgently. Worried for his ex-wife and child, Fraser and Ray had headed back to civilization. Although, Ray had told his friend about his impending fatherhood, Stella still had made no decision about the baby, so Ray had not told Fraser that he might need help raising his daughter.
         "We'll be there tomorrow, Ray." Fraser answered quietly. "Arnold will meet us and fly us back too Chicago." Ray nodded, as he watched his friend. The Mountie had become sullen and quiet after Ray received his telegram, which Buck Frobisher had sent via one of his men to find the trio and deliver. Whenever he asked Fraser if something was on his mind, the Canadian was evasive and tight-lipped, but Ray was determined to find out what was bothering the man before they returned to Chicago.
         "Good." Ray replied as he lay back on his cloth bed under the lean-to and watched Fraser start to strip his heavier outer layers. "So, are ya gonna tell me what's been eatin' ya the past few days or what?"
         "I don't know what you mean, Ray." Fraser evaded once again, not looking at him, as he settled on his bed and unlaced his boots.
         "You've been all quiet and moody-if I didn't know better I'd think ya were pouting. Come on, Fraser, give up, what's wrong?"
         "Nothing is wrong, Ray."
        "Fraser, I swear if ya don't talk ta me I'll pop ya."  Ray threatened frustrated. When Fraser didn't respond, Ray rose up on his knees, leaned over and grabbed the Mounties's shoulders. "Tell me what is wrong! Did I do somethin' ta piss ya off or what?"
         "No, Ray." Fraser assured quietly. "You have done nothing wrong."
         "Then why ya actin' like ya lost yer best friend?" Ray demanded. "Are ya missin' Vecchio? Are ya mad cause we're postponin our trip to da cabin, what?"
         "It's nothing, Ray." Fraser repeated as he moved away from him and started to slide into his sleeping bag, turning his back to Ray. Ray glared at him and rose to his feet.
         "Fine, Fraser." He hissed angrily. "Don't tell me. I don't give a shit anyway- I was just tryin' ta be yer friend, I thought we were buddies but I guess I was wrong." He stomped off, away from the shelter and over to where Dief lay curled by the fire. He dropped down and petted the wolf, which leaned into his lap appreciatively; "At least you still like me, Dief." He heard the rustling behind him of Fraser putting his boots back on, then saw the shadow as the Canadian cast as he came to stand behind him.
         "I am not mad at you, Ray." Fraser sighed and settled next to him as Ray stared into the fire. "And we are friends, please don't ever doubt that."
         "Friend's tell each other what's eatin' em Fraser." Ray insisted, keeping his gaze on the flames before him.
         "Ray I..."
         "Unless yer gonna tell me what's buggin' ya, Fraser- don't bother talkin' ta me." Ray warned. "Ya pissed me off now."  Fraser sighed and stared into the fire as well.
         "I...I'm not very good at this Ray." He muttered.
         "Good at what Fraser?" Ray demanded. 'I tell you everything, why can't you..."
         "You don't tell me everything!" Fraser suddenly exclaimed rising to his feet as Ray glanced at him surprised. "You didn't tell me you'd be...."
         "I'd be what?" Ray asked, also standing.
         "You're going back to be with Stella." Fraser accused suddenly, then blushed either in anger or embarrassment as Ray started at him shocked.
         "No I'm not!" he denied. "Stella's marryin' Vecchio-remember?" Fraser stared at him confused.
         "But you..you said she was having your child." He reminded. "And..and the telegram, she wants you to come back to be with her, you said something about a decision."
         "Yah, but that's not me and her getting' back together, Fraser." Ray implied calmly. "I realized me and Stella just ain't gonna work, no matter what we feel."
         "Then...then what is the decision?"
         "I asked her before we left Chicago, months ago, if she was intent on giving up the kid that she'd give it ta me. Maybe she decided she will, or maybe her and Vecchio are gonna raise it-I dunno. That's why she wanted me to come home."
         "You...you were..are...might..." Fraser paused and cleared his throat. "You'll raise the child alone?"
         "I hope not!" Ray laughed. "I was countin' on yer bein' dere ta help, buddy."
         "Me? You want me to help you raise your child, Ray?"
         "I wouldn't want anyone else, Frase." Ray assured with a grin. "I figure we can make it work-figure it out as we go, ya know?"
         "But...but Ray, wouldn't that involve...I mean, wouldn't it mean we would have to...to live together?"
         "Shit, we're together all the time now, Fraser-what's the difference?" Fraser blushed.
         "What..what about a mother for the child, Ray?" he asked quietly. 'You could get married again and..."
         "The kid'll have plenty of female influence." Ray assured easily. "But you and me would be its caregivers-we'd both be its dad." Fraser stared at him, a look of confusion and hope in his eyes. "I...I know I never asked ya before, Ben, but...well, I...I'd really like ya to be a part of my family. I...I love ya man and I know it probably ain't what ya were hopin fer but..."
         "Ray!"
         "What?"
         "You called me, Ben!"
         "Is that a problem?"
         "No I...I just...Oh Ray!" Fraser was suddenly pulling him to him in a warm embrace. "I...I never dreamed...I thought...."
         "Complete a sentence, Fraser!" Ray laughed, slightly baffled by his friend's sudden stammering.
         "I love you as well, Ray." Fraser admitted and Ray felt a warm glow fill his insides. "I never told you because...well you loved Stella and I assumed only...well women were your interest. I never thought you would...that is feel about me...I would be honored to help you raise your child, Ray."
         "Well, I don't know if that's Stell's decision yet, but I appreciate yer willingness Frase." He grinned and placed his hands on Fraser's shoulders. "I...I ain't da greatest catch, Frase. I know dat-but..well, we don' t gotta do anything you don't want to. If you still wanna, ya know,...with women, it's cool to-we'll figure it out somehow."
         "Ray, have you ever...I mean..."
         "With a guy? No, but I'll try anything once." Fraser blushed. "Have you?" Fraser also shook his head and Ray grinned.   "We're a pair aren't we?" The Mountie nodded shyly and Ray gave him a gentle hug. "No pushin' needed, Frase. We'll play it by ear. Besides, I want to se how things go with Stella before...we'll it's on my mind and I...when I..when we're together I don't want anything between us-y'know?"
         "Understood, Ray." Fraser agreed smiling, touched that the detective wanted things to be perfect for them their first time.
 

         Ray slid to a halt by the nurse's station, breathless and wide eyed as he asked for the room of Stella Kowalski. He briefly remembered that Fraser was behind him, as the nurse informed him where to go and he took off down the hall. They had stepped off the plane and Francesca had been waiting for them-Stella had gone into early labor and immediately Ray worried something was wrong. He was ready to kill Francesca for driving the speed limit all the way to the hospital-his need to see Stella was okay driving him crazy.
         "Stanley!" Ray Vecchio called out as Ray ran past the room he was looking for in his haste. He grabbed the wall to stop himself and turned around, offering the other detective a glare before hurrying into the preparation room. Stella was on the bed, a nurse tending to her, she was perspiring heavily and looked to be in pain, her feet were held high in two stirrups, with a sheet covering her modestly. Her skin was flushed and pale at the same time, her eyes watery and she was shaking slightly.
         "Ray!" she breathed as she saw her ex-husband, reaching her hand out to him with a shaky smile as Vecchio pulled a pale green gown over Kowalski's clothing. Not that the blond noticed, he was smiling down at his ex-wife and holding her hand. "I...I waited." She managed and he nodded.
         "I love you." He told her softly, leaning down to kiss her as the doctor drifted in and informed them only one of the men could stay. Kowalski had started to move away, but Stella held him and he felt a reassuring pat from Vecchio on his shoulder, which was when he noticed his new attire.
         "Your kid, Stanley." Vecchio told him calmly as he bent to give his fiancée a kiss. "You stay."
         "Are...are you sure?" he asked Vecchio, grateful but confused. He did want to stay, but on the other hand there would be a lot of...well, he was getting nauseous at the thought. Vecchio pointed to a window above them, where Francesca and Fraser stood watching.
         "I'll be up there, Stella asked for an observation room so we could all be a part of it-but yer the dad, so you stay here." Kowalski nodded and waved at Fraser, who offered a thumbs up.
         "Thanks Vecchio, yer not..." Ray placed another hand on his shoulder.
         "Before you say something we'll both regret I'm outta here." Kowalski nodded and watched the man leave, then turned back to the mother of his child.
         "How ya doin' sweetheart?"
         "I've been better, Ray." She teased as a contraction hit her. Shit! Ray didn't now what to do. Vecchio had probably gone to those class things with her for breathing and stuff, Kowalski didn't have a clue how to help.
         "W...what do I do, Stell?" he asked concerned and she could sense the fear in his voice.
         "Just help me breath." She managed as she settled again for a moment and the Doctor said it was time. "K..keep me occupied and...don't let go." Ray grinned, the vice grip she had on his hand would prevent any thought of escape anyway. The doctor told her to push and she reared up to do so, letting out a low cry of agony and frustration that this was taking so long.
         "I'm sorry." Ray found himself saying-he knew childbirth was painful but he never realized how painful. She smiled weakly as he wiped her brow with a cloth.
         "Who's idea was this anyway?" she demanded wryly as another contraction hit. After she settled once again, she glared up at him, but Ray could see the teasing in her eyes. "You're gonna pay for this one Kowalski!" He smiled and kissed her, then helped her push once more.
 

        Fraser couldn't remove his eyes from the scene below, even though he had seen a child being born before, had even delivered one himself, but this was Ray's child and he was entranced at the way the blond was interacting with his ex-wife. There was no room for jealously-this was a special moment for them, though he did see Vecchio grimace a few times when Kowalski smiled or made Stella laugh through her pain.
         Kowalski had been her choice and Vecchio was content with that. He would have Stella in the end and that was all that counted. He hadn't been thrilled when Stella had told him she wanted Stanley there, but he couldn't blame her-it was Kowalski's kid after all. However, he did notice the rapt way Fraser was watching the scene and was sure he saw a few flickers of jealousy in the Mountie's usually passive features, but he must have imagined them. Why would Fraser be jealous-he didn't even care much for Stella. Vecchio glanced at him again and a thought struck him. No! He couldn't be? Was the Mountie in love with Stanley? That wasn't possible! If Benny was like that he would know, he had been the Canadian's partner much longer than this other kid had. If Benny was into guys it would have shown, wouldn't it? Of course after that Metcalf chick, Ray couldn't blame Fraser for switching sides, but still-Kowalski? He shook his head, he had to be imagining it.

         At 11:15pm, just three hours after Fraser and Kowalski returned to Chicago, Rose Annabelle Kowalski was born. The nurse placed the girl in Stella's waiting arms as Ray looked on proudly, tears shining in his eyes as Stella counted her fingers and toes.
         "She's beautiful." Ray managed, his emotions threatened to strangle him but he didn't are. He had a daughter, a beautiful blond haired-blue eyed perfectly wonderful daughter of his own.
         "Would you like to hold her?" Stella asked him smiling and Ray stared at her for a long time.
         "I...I can't, Stella." He admitted quietly, surprising her. "I...if I do I won't be able to give her back." Stella relaxed and smiled again.
         "You won't have to, Ray." She promised. "I've decided you will take care of her, but I do want visitation." The shocked grateful look her ex-husband gave her told her she had made the right decision, as she placed the baby in his arms and watched Ray stare down at his daughter adoringly.
         "I love you." He whispered to the peaceful girl in his hands. "Oh God yer beautiful, Rose Annabelle." Stella felt a tear slip down her cheek as she studied them quietly. It had been a difficult decision, especially after Vecchio had proposed to her and insisted they could raise the child-but somehow she had to give this final gift to her Ray, to the man she will always love and could never have. He deserved it, it felt right, and perhaps her and Vecchio would have their own children later on. This was something she was doing for Ray and Ray only, though she adored the bundle that had been placed into her arms moments before and intended to be a large part of her daughter's life, Rose would be cherished and loved in Ray's care and that was important.
         "Have you...did you and Fraser work out..." she tried to ask, finally pulling Ray's attention away from his daughter as the nurse stepped up to take the child. Ray handed Rose to the woman reluctantly, pulling a smile from her, as he turned to address Stella.
         "I think so." He finally told her.
         "Do you love him, Ray?"
         "Yah, Stella." He admitted shyly. "I really do. Ya disgusted or freaked?" She laughed and pulled him down for warm hug.
         "I'm glad you found someone, Ray." She whispered kissing his cheek. She felt his body relax against her, as though he had been holding his breath. "I'm sure you will both be wonderful parents for Rose." Ray blinked back his tears and kissed Stella's lips softly, wistfully.
         "Thank you Stella." He murmured. "For everything."
 

         Fraser and Francesca had moved down to the waiting room when Kowalski finally emerged, Vecchio had gone to visit with Stella. Ray threw his arms around Francesca in delight.
        "Did'ja see, Frannie!" he exclaimed as he spun her around and she laughed. "I got a daughter! Did ya see her? Isn't she perfect? Isn't she the most beautiful little girl ya ever saw? An' she came from my genes-is that somethin'? I'm glad she looks like Stella an' not me." Francesca laughed again, her pretend brother was talking a mile a minute, his eyes flashing excitedly.
         "Of course I saw." She smiled as he finally set her on her feet. "And she is beautiful Ray- though I think she looks more like you than Stella."
         "Oh God! Don't say dat!" Ray chuckled, though his eyes shown proudly at her words. "Poor kid!" Francesca hugged him again.
         "My sentiments exactly. "Francesca teased and Ray pretended to look hurt.
         "Don't be mean, ya scamp." He warned with a smile. "I just had a baby."
         "Actually Stella just had a baby." She corrected wryly.
         "We just had a baby den.' He emphasized as he met Fraser's quiet gaze over Francesca's shoulder. "Go call yer ma and tell her." Francesca's hand flew to her mouth.
         "I almost forgot!" she squealed. "They'll be waintin' by the phone." She hurried off and Ray rested his gaze on Fraser.
         "Come with me, Frase." He asked quietly and Fraser followed, sensing something was wrong. Perhaps Ray decided he was going to stay and try and win back Stella's affections. Perhaps Stella had decided to keep the child for her and Ray Vecchio to raise and Ray was needing to vent. A million different worse case scenarios floated through the Mountie's head as he followed his friend and partner down the corridor to an empty waiting room. He hadn't considered that Ray might change his mind once back in Chicago and perhaps the detective decided he wanted to stay here to be close to his daughter and ex-wife.
         Fraser was shocked when the door closed behind them and Ray pushed him against it aggressively as he pressed his lips to the Canadians in a fierce kiss. After only a moment's hesitation Fraser returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around the American, pulling him tight against him as Ray's tongue explored his mouth feverishly. This was what he had wanted for so long, what he had dreamed of and now he had it. Ray's lips were soft and tasted of chocolate and peppermint gum, an intoxicating combination for Fraser. When they finally broke apart they were both panting for breath and wore startled expressions at their unleashed passion.
         "We got her, Ben." Ray whispered as he folded his arms tighter around the Mountie and rested his face against a strong, broad shoulder. "Rose is ours." Fraser squeezed his partner affectionately, knowing how much it had meant to the detective to get custody of his daughter.
         "I'm very happy for you, Ray." He offered softly and Ray puled back to meet his gaze.
         "Fer us, Ben." He corrected. "She's ours-yers and mine." Fraser flushed as a feeling of happiness and pride flooded him. Ray still wanted him, he and Ray were going to be a family. He pressed his lips to Ray's once more eagerly, words failing him as he sought to convey his feelings. After a few minutes Ray broke the kiss and stepped back, flushed and grinning. "Yer gonna get us arrested dere, Ben." He teased as he threw an arm around his friend and now lover. "Let me go introduce ya to our daughter, Benton love."
 

         "Ray? Ray. Ray. Ray!" Fraser finally shook the detective awake with a heavy reluctance. He knew his partner had been up most of the night with their new four-month-old baby girl and would be exhausted, but Fraser had to get to work.
         "Wa...Ben?" Kowalski muttered sleepily, burying his head deeper into the pillow, as Fraser settled on the bed beside him, already dressed in his red serge.
         "Ray? I have to go to work." He informed, as Ray finally managed the energy to roll over and stare up at him. Dark circles shadowed his usually vibrant eyes. "I've already fed Rose, she is in her swing. I'll be home around five thirty." Ray nodded and struggled into a sitting position as Fraser handed him the cup of coffee he had prepared, knowing Ray could not fully wake up without his caffeine fix.
         " 'Kay, Fraser." He murmured sleepily taking a few quick gulps of the hot liquid then wincing when it burned his tongue and throat going down. He released a jaw-cracking yawn then shook his head a few times to clear the fuzziness from his brain. "Be careful wit dem mad trapper's now, buddy." Fraser offered him a small smile and gently leaned in to give him a quick kiss, having no time for anything more.
         "I really wish you would reconsider hiring one of the women in the village, Ray." He sighed, gently caressing the tired lines creasing the usually exhaustless face of the energetic blond. "You are exhausted and..." Ray shook his head, even as he turned into Fraser's touch, then set his cup on the night stand and threw the covers back.
         "My...our kid, Ben." He amended. "We're doin' okay-it'll get better. She'll start sleepin' through the night soon and..."
         "Ray, you have been saying that since we moved back here." Fraser reminded as his partner rose and pulled a clean T-shirt from his dresser drawer, to pull on.
         "She's still settlin' in, Frase." Ray protested. "Y'know getting the feel for things." Fraser shook his head and the former detective's stubbornness as they headed out into the living room.
         "One more week, Ray." He decided as he pulled on his long blue coat and Stetson. "If Rose still isn't...settled by then we hire some help, agreed?"
     "Yer gonna be late fer work if ya don't go now, Fraser." Ray evaded as he bent to check on their wide-eyed daughter, full of  her father's spirit and unfortunately his energy as well. "We'll talk about it later." Fraser scowled.
         "Ray..." he began, but his partner just walked up, gave him a quick peck on the cheek then gave him a gentle push toward the door.
         "Get outta here, Blue Eyes-can't be late." Fraser sighed and again shook his head.
         "I will see you around supper time, Ray." He said as he opened the door and let the arctic air blow inside.
         "Sure." Ray agreed and Fraser closed the door. He could walk to work, he always did, and it was one of the nice things about their new home. It was close to the consulate, but far enough from the rest of the village to afford them some privacy. It was perfect for them with room to spare should they decide they needed it and it was rent free, since it set on the RCMP office property, a perk offered with Fraser's position.
          It was much larger than Fraser's cabin further north, which had been to far a distance to travel daily and would have meant he would have had to spend long hours away from the man he loved. So, they had moved to a more suburban area of the territories, though nothing close to Chicago-it had a general store, a few clothing and trading posts, a small movie house and of course the RCMP office where Fraser was stationed as Inspector for the surrounding areas. It also a great view  of the mountains from their living room window.
          Fraser had only gone a few steps when the door opened again and he turned back, to see Ray hurrying toward him, having only pulled on his boots to trudge down the path,  still quite slippery from fresh snow fall.
         "Yes, Ray?" he asked curious and was surprised when the American wrapped his arms around him in a brief hug and kissed him full on the mouth.
         "Love Ya, Ben." He murmured shyly and Fraser kissed him back.
         "And I you, Ray." He returned. "Now go back inside before you catch your death." Ray nodded, already hugging himself in the freezing temperatures. Fraser watched until he had made it safely inside without slipping, then headed back down the hillside.

         Fraser stepped into the house a little after four, having finished his work early enough that he could take the extra time off. He had picked up some steaks at the village for supper, as a treat for Ray, and he set them on the counter by the stovetop in the kitchen, after removing his hat, coat and boots. Ray was asleep on the large area rug, his arm curled protectively around Rose, who was making her best effort to scoot out from under his grip and get into mischief. She looked up at Fraser wide eyes and alert and offered him a sly smile that said, darn it, foiled again. Fraser tsked and plucked her  from th floor and into his arms, careful not to wake Ray, automatically checking to see if she needed to be changed. She was dry so he set her in her swing.
         "Have you kept your Daddy busy all day, Miss Rose?" he scolded gently as he wound the toy and Rose kicked and clapped her hands delighted.
         Fraser plopped some of her toys on the tray beneath her arms for her to amuse herself with, then headed for the bedroom. He quickly changed into jeans and a sweater then pulled the covers back, surprised that Ray had found time to make the bed, which he usually didn't do. He returned to the living room and Rose squealed at the sight of him.
         "Ssshhh." He whispered gently with a finger to his lips. "Lets not wake him up." Rose shoved a toy rattle into her mouth in happy compliance as Fraser carefully pulled Ray into his arms, distressed to find that the blond had at some point lost weight, something he couldn't really afford to do. Grateful that his lover was a sound sleeper, he carried Ray into the bedroom and settled him on the bed, then gently pulled the covers over him. He wanted nothing better then to climb into the bed with him, but Ray needed to rest, so he returned to the kitchen to set the steaks in a marinade.
         He still couldn't believe he and Ray were a couple, the very idea that he would fall so deeply in love with another man had originally scared Fraser witless-chalking it up to loneliness and the disaster that was Victoria Metcalf. He shivered slightly-that would probably turn any man off women, he thought bitterly, but he realized what he felt for the blond detective that had become his partner in Vecchio's absence, was more than just the need to feel love for someone or his own terrible loneliness. He realized how much he was in love with Ray during the case on the Robert Mackenzie and had been dealing with it privately until the Real Ray Vecchio showed up and all hell broke loose. He had been a mess between tracking down Muldoon, trying to contain both his joy at Vecchio's return and his grief when, Muldoon had shot Vecchio. The rage that threatened to consume him when he realized Muldoon had killed his mother and then the fear and anxiety that he witnessed in Ray Kowalski's eyes whenever he glanced his way.
         He still remembered how uncertain Ray looked outside Vecchio's hospital door, when he asked Fraser if they were still partners. When Fraser had said if he would have him, he hadn't meant just as a partner or as a friend, he meant forever as his life mate-and somehow, he suspected Kowalski understood that, for after only a brief hesitation he had nodded and they had gone to track down Muldoon. Later Ray had tried to talk to him, but Thatcher had interrupted and Fraser had been pressed hard not to show his annoyance at the woman's ill timing. Ray had been about to say something important, but as was the way of the nonchalant detective he made a joke at Thatcher's presence. Things had gone too fast from there to discuss anything further.
         It wasn't until many weeks later, when they had been searching for the Hand of Franklin that another opportunity to tell Ray how he felt came up. Granted they had been alone for weeks, just them, the dogs and the Great Canadian wildness, but Fraser had been busy keeping Ray from injury, teaching him survival skills that the man would need out here, and they were both exhausted when it came time to sleep. Although the excited charge of energy that was Ray Kowalski never seemed to dim in the American's steel blue eyes, Fraser knew the detective was not coping well with his environment and when Fraser suggested they head toward his Father's cabin for a rest, Ray had refused adamantly. He wanted to finish their quest, was intent on it and would not stop for anything.
         But, of course, he later found out that the Ray had been on a different quest, one for himself only, to see if he could stand the Canadian wilderness. It was Ray's way of understanding Fraser's home and deciding if he could stay there with his partner and the man he had grown to love. Now, he had Ray and they had Rose, a delightfully adorable child that seemed to exude the same energy as the detective that was her father. Fraser sighed again, he couldn't be happier.
         Well, actually that was a lie, and he shouldn't lie to himself. He suspected Ray felt restless at not working any longer, and was therefore taking his role of father entirely too seriously. It was almost as if Ray figured that since Fraser was bringing home the bacon, he should keep the house and the child, but Ray is a man, just like Fraser, and not the most patient and domesticated of people in any circumstances. He was trying very hard, Fraser could see that, but he was afraid the blond was over doing it and set for burn out.
         There was also the fact he and Ray had never even officially consummated their relationship, deciding to take it slow at first, then when Rose came, the detective never seemed to have a spare moment for the Mountie. Fraser hated to bother him when he did get to bed, because he always looked so damned tired, and so he just suffered in silence and tried to be patient, but even the most patient of men have their limits.
         He was going to fix steak dinners for them, his sister Maggie had offered to come and take Rose for the night, when he had spoke to her about it at the Consulate this after noon. They both needed a break and Maggie adored Rose, so he hoped ray wouldn't be to upset that Fraser had taken the liberty to arrange a baby sitter. He glanced at the clock and scowled. He was spending too much time day dreaming, Maggie would be here soon and he had dinner to prepare.
 

        Ray awoke entirely too warm and kicked back the heavy quilted coverlet and sat up to remove his sweater with relief, smoothing his T-shirt back down over his torso. How had he gotten into bed? He'd been playing with Rose Bud and....Rose! He bolted from the bedroom and hurried into the outer room to find Fraser just setting the table.
         "Good evening, Ray." He offered mildly. "Did you have a good nap?" Ray glanced around frantically, searching for his daughter.
         "Where's Rose?" he demanded, ignoring Fraser's question.
         "Maggie came by and took her to stay for the evening." The Mountie informed calmly as he returned to the stove and checked the simmering vegetables. Ray stared at him in shock.
         "Why'd ya give her to Maggie?" he questioned anxiously. "I coulda taken care of her Ben, she's..."
         "I thought we deserved some time alone, Ray." Fraser stated quietly. "And Maggie wanted to spend time with her, I didn't think you would mind." Ray caught himself, knowing he was getting upset over nothing. So, okay, Rose was on a sleep over at Maggie's.
         "But what if she runs out of formula?" Ray asked him. "What if Rose wakes up in the middle of the night and gets scared? What if...." Fraser walked over to him and placed his hands on Ray's shoulders.
         "Ray, Maggie has everything she needs and whatever problems might occur she can deal with it, I assure you." Ray's shoulder's slumped dejectedly.
         "I..I know yer right, Frase, I just..." he shook his head. "I dunno." He started to move away but Fraser tightened his grip, willing him to meet his eyes, which ray finally was bound to do.
         "Talk to me, Ray." He requested gently. "Tell me what is going on?" Ray shook his head. "Are you...are you having second thoughts about...about us, Ray? Have...have I done something wrong?" Ray's eyes widened and he shook his head adamantly.
         "No, buddy, yer great. Da best, really."
         "Then what is wrong, Ray?" the Mountie demanded, finally allowing Ray to move toward the living room and drop onto the sofa, his head in his hands.
         "Nothin's wrong, Ben." He said quietly. "I...I just gotta get a system, y'know a rhythm...a...plan of action to handle things better. I can do dis I can, really."
         "Ray, why don't we just hire..." Fraser started and was cut off by the blazing fury in his partner's eyes.
        "I can take care a my own kid, Fraser!" he snapped, then lowered his eyes from the Mounties's hurt expression. When he spoke again, Fraser had to strain to hear him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I did not mean that." Fraser settled beside him and placed a hand on his arm.
         "Tell me what you did mean, Ray." He asked. "Please, talk to me."
         "I...I just...I can do it, Ben." He insisted. "I'm not so incompetent...I can be a good dad to Rose."
         "Of course you will be a good father, Ray." Fraser assured him softly. "You already are a wonderful father." Ray finally raised his eyes to stare at him. "But no one can do everything, Ray. We need help. You are exhausted, you're loosing weight and you won't let me help hardly at all."
         "I...I know I just..." Ray sighed, fighting to find the words to express himself. "I don't wanna put pressure on you, Ben."
         "Pressure, Ray?" Fraser asked puzzled. "In what way?"
         "I...I don't want ya getting'...y'know, fed up wit us." Ray explained quietly.
         "Us, Ray?"
         "Me an' Rose." He supplied. "I know she cries a lot, but my mum said I did too until I was almost a year old, she'll grow out of it. I'm tryin' really hard ta keep her happy and occupied so she won't bother ya but...."
         "Ray. Ray. Ray!" Fraser exclaimed and finally the detective stopped talking and looked at him.
         "What?"
         "I don't mind Rose crying, Ray." He insisted. "She is a baby, she is going to cry, it doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that you don't trust me enough to help you take care of her." Ray shook his head.
         "No!" he denied. "No, I trust ya buddy, of course I do, but..."
         "There is no but, Ray." Fraser decided firmly. "You asked me to help you raise your daughter..."
         "Our daughter." Ray interceded.
         "Our daughter." Fraser agreed. "But you won't let me get up with her in the night time and I am not here in the day until..."
         "You have to work, Fraser." Ray reminded. "I don't. You shouldn't have to..." Fraser cut him off.
         "Ray! You are exhausted and you are not going to help Rose if you make yourself sick. You haven't had a full night's sleep since we got here and neither have I really because I wake up every time you get up..."
         "I'll sleep in da other room den." He offered quickly and watched Fraser's expression grow angry.
         "No, Ray." He refused. "I don't want you to sleep in the other room I want you to sleep in our room, in our bed, with me." He pulled Ray hard against him, surprising the wirery American. "I want you in our bed, Ray, it's where you belong." He lowered his head and claimed Ray's mouth in a fury of hunger that would no longer be contained and left them both gasping.
         "Ben!" Ray rasped when the Mountie had finally let him breath, but only to turn his attentions to Ray's sensitive neck. "Ahhh! Oh God, Ben!"
         "Tell me now, Ray." Fraser demanded as he suckled the lower lobe of Ray's ear. "If you want to stop. If you don't feel...the same about me anymore, if you don't want this, tell me now, Ray." Ray shook his head, his partner's tongue was wreaking havoc on his nervous system and he was having trouble piecing coherent thought together.
         "I...Don't stop." He managed as Fraser practically tore off his T-shirt and started licking and nipping his chest. "Just...want you...Ben." The words spurned the Mountie into action and somehow Ray's shirt was suddenly off and Fraser was practically lying atop him on the large sofa. Their bodies pressed sweetly together creating an intense friction that was driving Kowalski crazy, as he once more claimed Ray's mouth, his tongue exploring every inch of the moist heat offered to him, leaving Ray breathless once more. Ray's hands wound up raking through the Mounties's thick raven locks as he writhed under his lover's weight. Fraser's hand managed to unsnap his jeans and before Ray could blink the Mountie had enveloped the warm, hard flesh that waited inside. Ray's hips bucked toward that searching hand as Fraser continued the assault on his mouth.
         He didn't know what had happened to his stoic, restrained partner and he didn't care, he had never been so turned on before in his life, especially with another man doing the turning. But this wasn't just another man this was Fraser and Fraser was more than just a mere man, he was an entity that Ray had formed in his mind-a power of good and righteousness that made all other mere humans pale in comparison. So he was a bit of a freak, that was allowed, Ray was a bit of a freak himself. Suddenly Fraser pushed off of him and sat up, running an unsteady hand through his hair and Ray blinked disoriented, and already missing the warmth and pressure the other man had been providing.
         "Christ Fraser!" he gasped as he struggled to get the oxygen flowing through his brain again. "What da hell was dat?" He couldn't resist teasing the usually shy Mountie but Fraser remained silent, his eyes lowered. "W..what's wrong?"
        "I...forgive me, Ray." Fraser murmured. "That...my behaviour is inexcusable." Ray stared at him in shock. Ray managed to compose himself and get his bearings as he regarded the brooding Canadian.
         "What? What da hell are ya talkin' about, Fraser?" he demanded, moving to place a hand on Fraser's shoulder and watching his partner flinch and move away to stand by the picture window.
         "I...I shouldn't have..." Fraser began tightly, his expression closed even as he stared out at the darkening sky. "You...you wanted to go slow and I...I should not have...you're tired Ray and..." Ray rose and moved to stand behind his friend and lover, ignoring Fraser's stiffening spine as he snaked his arms around him and rested his cheek against a broad shoulder blade.
         "I ain't dat tired, Ben." He sighed. "Yah, I wanted ta go slow, ya know just fool around a little until...well, I didn't want to push you, Buddy." Fraser said nothing. "You said you never been with a guy Ben and neither have I, but I got an idea what it involves and da...well da mechanics of it. I didn't wanna scare ya away Ben." Fraser continued to stare out the window unmoving and silent. Ray squeezed him a little tighter, perhaps more for his own sake then for Fraser's, he need courage to say what was on his mind. "I...I didn't realize ya wanted....more, buddy. Ya never told me or showed dat ya were...y'know, frustrated. I been achin' too buddy but I just...kept it to myself." Finally Fraser turned in his arms, his expression grim.
         "That does not excuse my actions, Ray." He insisted stubbornly. "I just finished telling you how tired you were and that you were going to make yourself sick and then I turn around and try to force my intentions on you." Ray shook his head.
         "Ya weren't forcin' Ben." He assured quickly. "Did ya hear me complainin'?"
         "I didn't give you a chance to, Ray." Fraser reminded determined and Ray raised his hands to cup the Mounties's face, forcing him to meet his gaze.
         "Look at me, Fraser." He demanded when his lover lowered his eyes once more. "Ben please?'" Fraser raised his eyes reluctantly. "Don't...do not do dis. Don't blame yerself fer bein' human like da rest of us, okay?' Fraser blinked but said nothing. "We should've done dis months ago, buddy an' I'm real sorry I got caught up in Rose and everything." Fraser shook his head.
         "I should have waited, Ray." He protested. "You have been under a lot of stress, there has been a lot of changes in your life recently; Stella marrying Ray Vecchio, the move to Canada, a new baby, unemployment..."
         "Fallin' in love wit a guy." Ray teased trying to pull a smile from his friend. "Getting' frost bit in place's I didn't know I had, forced ta eat Moose burgers,  bein' da only other white guy in da whole village, da neighbors thinkin' I'm an albino freak, no Twinkies..." Fraser's lips twitched but he pressed them to keep the smile from forming.
         "Ray, I am serious." He stated firmly and Ray's eyes grew solemn
         "I know." He agreed. "Very."
         "Ray ..." Fraser scolded and Ray immediately interrupted.
         "Dat's me."
         "You don't..."
         "Sure I do."
         "Will you let me finish, please?"
         "Nope." Ray refused with a grin. "Cause I know yer just gonna spout more nonsense about waitin' and your unforgivable behavior and all dat stuff." Ray's eyes twinkled merrily. "We're guy's Frase-neither of us are virgins, we've had sex before-it's no big thing." He glanced down at the bulge in Fraser's jeans. "Hmm, let me rephrase dat, could be big...could be very..."
          "Ray!" Fraser exclaimed and flushed, causing Ray to chuckle. Oh, now he gets shy again.
         "Don't think so much, Ben." He warned as he trailed hot, moist kisses down Fraser's throat. "Go wit da flow." Fraser inhaled sharply.
         "Ray, please!" he exclaimed, he was trying to talk sense to the other man, trying to apologize for his behavior and Ray wasn't letting him. Instead he seemed bent on seducing him, which in itself should be something Fraser would welcome, but his guilt wouldn't allow it. Ray was tired, he wasn't eating right, he...he...he was driving Fraser crazy with those talented lips.
         "Ya don't gotta, beg, buddy." Ray teased. "I'm all over dat." Ray licked his ear and Fraser started. "All over you."
         "Ray I am trying to apologize..." Fraser began again even as Ray's body pressed up against him, creating some of their earlier friction.
         "So ya lost control." He replied as he continued to taste Fraser, while his hands roamed the Mounties's hard body. "Happens ta da best of us. I kinda liked it-made me know ya really wanted me." Fraser's composure was slipping rapidly as Ray's hand rubbed against his arousal through the tight denim.
         "I...I do want you, Ray." He admitted, surprised to find his entire body was trembling with excitement at what the blond was doing to him, envisioning what the blond would do to him if this continued. "I...I just..."
         "Just love me, Ben." Ray demanded huskily as he claimed Fraser's mouth, then grabbed his hand and guided him to their bedroom. Both men had their clothes off in record time and were soon laying under the cool sheets of the bed. Ray was paying tender homage to Fraser's body, leaving trails of fire everywhere his mouth connected with the Canadian's flushed skin. "Mmmm, so beautiful, Ben love." He paused as he saw a tear slip from Fraser's eye and roll down his cheek. "Don't!" Ray scolded gently catching the tear with his mouth then pressing his lips to Fraser's to share the salty taste. "Don't be sad, baby-never be sad."
         "I..I'm not sad, Ray." Fraser managed as another tear escape, closing his moist eyes as Ray caught that one as well. "I..I just cannot believe..." He couldn't believe he had finally found love, true love. That someone could love him, completely for who he was, though he could not find the words to express these feelings to Ray, to explain why he was crying. His lover didn't need an explanation it seemed, for he smiled and lowered his mouth to Fraser's once more. Everything he needed to say, everything he needed to hear was in that one fantastic kiss and Fraser was grateful beyond comprehension as he turned into his lover's arms.
         "Can I ask ya somethin' Benton?' Ray inquired softly and Fraser nodded. "Will ya marry me, love?" Fraser's eyes widened and then more tears came.
         "If you'll have me." He managed, his throat almost swollen shut with the tide of emotions rushing through him. Ray smiled and pulled him into his arms again.
         "Always, Frase-buddies and partners forever."
 

        Ray awoke to Rose's cries and automatically moved as quietly as he could from the bed, trying not to waken the sleeping Mountie beside him. they had made love until the wee hours last night and since it was Saturday, they had both decided to take another nap once Maggie had returned Rose to them earlier that morning. Ray pulled on his robe to cover his nakedness and headd for the nursery. Rose was screaming now, as he plucked her from her crib. He checked her diaper, but she didn't need to be changed, tried to get her to eat, but she didn't want that either, so he tried to dance her to sleep as he had been doing. She continued to scream and cry and he started to worry she would wake Fraser, but also because this was not normal for the little girl. Usually she went right back to sleep when Ray danced her around the room in his arms, but this time something was wrong. He touched her face and was surprised to find her so hot.
        "What is it, Ray?' Fraser asked suddenly appearing in the doorway, also dressed in his robe.
        "I think she's runnin' a fever, Ben." Ray frowned as his lover approached and inspected their daughter, also placing a cool hand to her face.
        "I'll get the children'd tylonel, Ray." he offered. "Maggie brought some by and said it was good for a fever." Ray nodded and continued to try and placitate his little girl.
        "Shhush, Rose Bud." he cooed gently. "Yer gonna be okay. Yer daddy's here, both of us. Hush darlin'." Com'ahn Fraser-how long did it take to walk to the bathroom? Suddenly Rose stopped crying and Ray almost smiled, feeling her lean closer into the warmth of his body. His smile slipped away though as he realized that she was no longer moving at all and he quickly pulled her forward.
        "Ray I can't..." Fraser began, then stopped at the stricken look on his lover's face.
        "She's not breathin' Fraser!" he cried as he jostled the baby in an attempt to snap her out of it. "Fraser make her breathe!" Fraser carefully pried Ray;s trembling hands away from the girl's body and set her on the changing table, she was already turning blue, as he began CPR. "You'll hurt her!" Ray exclaimed as Fraser breathed tiny breaths of air into the childs mouth and using only three fingers gently pushed downward on her front. "She's too liitle, you can't..." Ray was getting hysterical and Fraser had to push him away to keep the CPR going.
        "I know what I am doing, Ray." he assured as Ray stared at the scene in horror. Oh God! Please don't take our baby away! Please don't let Rose die, he thought over and over. Just when he thought there was no hope for the infant, Rose let out a startling cry that grew louder and louder as she gained her strength back. Fraser was still bent over her, but his shoulders were shaking with relief as he lifted her into his arms.
        "Thank God!" Ray prayed gratefully as he wrapped both of them in his embrace, wiping away the tears on Fraser's face. "Thank you, Ben. Thank you for saving our daughter." Fraser could only lean into his partner as they held Rose between them, the idea that they had almost lost her was mind numbing.
        "I..I couldn't find the Tylonol Ray." he finally managed to whisper. "P..perhaps we should all the doctor?" Ray nodded and moved away to make the call.
        The doctor arrived a short time later and examined Rose thouroughly. He pronounced her fit, but for her fever, which was common among children. Ray told him about her non-breething eppisode and the doctor tried to asured him that that too was common among babies, which was why it was important to keep an eye on them until the reached a certain age.
        Fraser and Ray thanked the doctor, accepted some mediine for Rose's fever then in a joint effort they decided to move their daughters crib into their room, just in case, where it would remain under the watchful eyes and ears of the men who loved her, for the next few weeks.
 

         "Fraser!" Ray called out from the kitchen. "Food, com'ahn or we'll be late!" The Mountie walked out of the bedroom, dressed in his civilian clothes and offered Ray a hearty kiss, as his lover placed a plate of pancakes before him on the table. Fraser couldn't help admire the thin silver and turquoise band that now adorned Ray's left ring finger and automatically he fingered the matching band on his own hand.
         They had found a tribal elder to perform a marriage ceremony for them, though it was not legal in Canada for same sex marriages, it was very much real to himself and Ray. The people in the village considered them married, even the officers Fraser worked for accepted Ray's status as his spouse, only a few prejudiced ones did they run into and those people did not matter to them. Buck Frobisher and his sister Maggie were their witnesses and Mrs. Blackfeather had even arranged a small reception for them afterwards. It was still hard to believe at times that he was married, in their hearts, in their minds and to those around them, Ray and Fraser were a couple.
         "Thank you kindly, Ray." He finally returned politely as Ray pulled Rose closer to the table in her high chair, then set his own plate on the table. He fed the girl cereal in between bites of his own breakfast.
         "Have you packed everything, Ray?' Fraser asked eating quickly, they did have to hurry.
         "Everything ya told me to, Frase." Ray promised as he too finished his plate, then took a moment to play airplane with the last few bites of Rose's cereal. She giggled delighted and slapped her hands together as he used a moist cloth to wash her face and hands, which despite his efforts were still covered in the soft food. "Who's a good girl?" he smiled at her and she puckered her lips toward him, blowing him a kiss, as a knocking came at their door.
         "Come along, Rose." Fraser offered plucking her from her chair, as Ray put their dishes in the sink. "Time to say bye bye." He balanced her in his arms, smiling as she immediately curled her fingers into his thick hair, as he walked over to answer the door.
         "There's my girl!" exclaimed a small, round Inuit woman, holding out her arms for Rose.
         "Hello, Mrs. Blackfeather." Fraser greeted the older woman warmly and closed the door as Ray came over with their knapsacks and parka's. "We should be back by Sunday at the latest."
         "Sooner if we catch da guy we're after before Friday." Ray offered giving the older woman an affectionate peck on the cheek. "Rose had her breakfast already an' she's got a bit of an inner ear infection but da medicine's by her crib."
         "Two drops, twice a day, Mrs. Blackfeather." Fraser informed dutifully and the woman nodded, issuing them out the door.
         "We'll be fine. Be off with you." She insisted as each man gave his daughter a good bye kiss, Ray lingering longer because it was always harder for him to leave her. Fraser hated to go a week or more without Rose, but they had a job to do; the sooner it got done the sooner they returned.
         Buck Frobisher had managed to get a work visa for Ray and signed him up, unofficially, to be Fraser's partner whenever they had a fugitive to hunt down. Ray was eager for the chance to work with Fraser again and enjoyed the excitement of the hunt once more, though he had no real jurisdiction here, the American was considered a great asset to the RCMP. Buck had even managed to push through the legalities to allow Ray to carry and use a firearm, which made things even better because now that they were back in Canada, Fraser could use his weapon as well, when needed. The only down side was their time away from Rose, but Belinda Blackfeather had become a good friend and part time nanny for the child, so the men felt better about leaving her for long periods.
 

         Fraser added more wood to the fire and glanced back at his partner, who was once again scribbling away in the little notebook he carried with him. He hadn't wanted to invade Ray's privacy, but he had been watching the detective work in the book for a few months now and he couldn't help but be curious. Finally he asked, as he settled back on their bedroll, where Ray was seated by the fire.
         "May I ask what you are writing, Ray?" he inquired curious and was surprised when the detective stopped writing and handed the book to him. Fraser looked to him for approval and Ray nodded encouragingly, so he flipped through the pages that detailed their adventure on the Henry Allen.
         "I know dere's stuff I've forgot, but I figured you'd remember and I can fill it I later." Ray stated eagerly watching Fraser closely. "What'd ya think? I'm gonna make us a scrap book for when Rose Bud gets older."
         "I think it's a wonderful idea, Ray." Fraser assured impressed. "And I would be happy to help you with it." He continued to read, occasionally chuckling at some of the passages. He was amazed at how well Ray had managed to capture the scenes and the majority of the dialogue, the humor and suspense made Fraser relieve it all over again. Finally he handed the book back to his partner.
         "I figure I can get yer scope on it den it will kinda have two perspectives, y'know?" Ray commented as Dief settled at his feet and he reached down to scratch him behind his ears.
         "Your writing style is extraordinary, Ray." Fraser offered sincerely. "I never knew you could write so..well believably. I feel as though I lived it through your words." Ray chuckled and gave him a playful shove.
         "Ya were dere, ya dope!" he reminded and Fraser smiled, as Ray continued sheepishly. "Besides, I always kept, y'know a journal, so a lot of it was in dere and I just had ta go back to it."
         "I never knew you kept a journal, Ray." Fraser said softly, thinking of his Father's journals, who had kept one every day of his adult life. "When did you start?" Ray shrugged.
         "I was eight I think," he recalled with a shrug. "I had a rotten memory, so Mum suggested I start writin things down to help me remember, well, that turned into me wantin' to remember all da cool things happened to me when I was a kid. A notebook turned into a book, a book into a few books. My Mum gave me a journal every year fer Christmas after." Fraser nodded.
         "Do you still have them all?" Ray shrugged and poked at the fire with a stick.
         "I don't know if Mum kept da ones I had when I was younger, cause I had em stored in a box at our old house, or she tossed 'em when they bought dat trailer." Fraser frowned disappointed, he would have like to read them, if Ray had permitted it, to see how Ray was as a child. "I've got some in a box at our house, don't know which ones I kept and which ones I tossed, when Stella an' me split."
         "Would...perhaps I could..." Fraser hesitated. Granted they were lovers, but that didn't give him to read Ray's most private thoughts, although he had shared his Father's journals with the detective. They had gotten into a routine of when they had some quiet time before bed, Fraser would read from them and Ray would listen quietly. The blond seemed to enjoy the stories, or perhaps he merely liked listening to Fraser's voice, it didn't mater, it was something personal they shared together.  Besides, they weren't Fraser's journals, they were his Father's, Fraser didn't keep a journal, and he remembered everything anyway so did not see the need.
         "Ya wanna read 'em Frase?' Ray asked and Fraser realized he had been lost in thought and never finished speaking.
         "I don't want to intrude, Ray." He countered and again there was that wonderful smile that had won Fraser's heart from the first day. He did want to read them, he wanted to know everything he could about the man he loved, as strange as that seemed to him.
         "I don't mind."  Ray replied easily. "I'll dig em out when we get back."
         "I would be honored to read them then, Ray." Fraser smiled. "Thank you kindly."
         "I'm ready fer bed." Ray decided with a jaw-cracking yawn. "We got an early start tomorrow."
         "It is barely seven Ray." Fraser protested, usually the detective preferred to be awake longer. "We still have plenty of time to..." Ray leaned into him with a gentle kiss, silencing his protests.
         "I said I was ready fer bed, Ben" he reminded. "Never said anythin' about goin' ta sleep, buddy." Fraser blushed but gave him a wide smile as well and pulled the man into his arms.
         "Right you are, Ray." He agreed before claiming his lover's mouth.
 

         "Hmmm." Fraser sighed as he watched his lover put the finishing touches on the birthday cake he had made for Maggie Mackenzie, who would be arriving later in the evening for dinner. Stanley Raymond Kowalski had become quite good at baking since they had returned to Canada, but then his craving for sweets had demanded it since he could find few of the confections he used to live on in Chicago. His sister Maggie only lived two villages away and they had invited her for dinner, Fraser would cook and Ray would prepare the desert.
         "Yer doin' dat hmm thing again, Ben." Ray warned as he looked away from the cake he was decorating and glared at  the Mountie. "Now, we agreed ya either gotta tell me what dat means or get me one of dem Canadian dictionaries that'll show what all Hmmm's mean." Fraser smiled and stood to wrap his arms around Ray affectionately.
         "That's just silly, Ray." He replied calmly. "There is no dictionary that will tell you what a Hmm means."
         "Den you tell me." Ray demanded, as he tried to put down the knife he held in one hand and the icing gun that was held in the other, but Fraser seemed intent that his hands remain full as he pulled him lightly away from the table.
         "I was just thinking Ray." Fraser countered as Ray again tried to rid himself of the utensils so he could reciprocate his lover's embrace.
         "What were ya thinkin'?" Ray glared at him as Fraser again moved him from the counter and table area. "Will ya let me put this stuff down, fer cryin' out loud?"
         "No." Fraser refused smiling. "I like it when you are helpless, Ray." Ray's eyes narrowed.
         "I'm never helpless, Ben." He warned, raising his hand up enough to squirt Fraser's neck with a thick gob of pink icing. Fraser yelped and backed off, trying to catch the sweet, sticky confection before it slipped inside his collar and down his shirt. Ray chuckled, tossed the utensils on the counter and stepped back up behind Fraser. He caught the sliding icing with his tongue and watched Fraser shiver involuntarily as Ray slowly licked the icing off the back off his neck. He wrapped his arms around the Mountie and continued to nibble and suck on his tender flesh just above the collar. Fraser moaned and leaned back into his lover, eager for the pleasure the blonde's mouth could bestow.
         "Ray." He sighed and again his partner chuckled.
         "Who's helpless now?" he teased. Fraser suddenly turned and swept Ray's legs out from under him, pinning him to the floor with the weight of his body.
         "You are, Ray." Fraser grinned wickedly. Ray gasped trying to reclaim his breath that had been knocked out of him when he hit the floor.
         "Ya don't play fair, Frase." He muttered, knowing he couldn't move the larger man without a whole lot more effort than he was willing to exude at the moment. He was thoroughly enjoying the feel of the other man's body against him, his arousal evident. Although it still surprised Ray at times that he could have that effect on the usually controlled Mountie it did give him a spark of pride and excitement to know he, Ray Kowalski had been the cause of Fraser's passion.
         "Knock knock!" came Maggie's voice from the doorway, three-year-old Rose was cradled lovingly in her arms as both men disengaged themselves sheepishly. "I did knock, but I guess you didn't hear me." She smiled at Fraser's blush as Ray rinsed his hands in the sink and walked over to kiss Maggie's cheek and collect his daughter.
     "Yer getting' so big, Rose Bud." He sighed as she stared at him adoringly. "We're gonna have'ta start beatin' the fellas away with a stick pretty soon."
         "She will be a charmer." Agreed Maggie as Fraser helped her off with her coat. "Just like her Fathers." Both men grinned and after a tender hug and kiss from Fraser, Rose was set on her feet to wander about the room and search for her toys.
         "Hope you're hungry." Ray commented as he returned to stir the fresh pasta simmering on the stove.
         "Starved." She laughed, then remembered something and retrieved a letter from her jacket to give to Ray. "I almost forgot, I picked this up at the post in town, I figured you guys didn't get a chance to check the mail yet." Ray accepted the envelope and thanked her, then glanced at the address and frowned.
         "Who is it from, Ray?" Fraser inquired curious as he and Maggie set the table and his lover used his pocketknife to open the large envelope.
         "Dunno." He admitted. "I don't recognize the..." Fraser glanced over at his friend as Ray's words fell silent while he read the letter.
         "Is it bad news, Ray?" he asked, concerned with the suddenly shocked look on Ray's face. Ray shook his head, as he continued to grip the letter, but seemed unable to speak. Fraser finally took the letter from his partner's trembling hands, and scanned it quickly.
         "Oh my!" Fraser exclaimed excitedly. "Ray! They are going to publish your novel!" Maggie cried out in delighted surprise, happy for the American.
         "How exciting!" she declared eagerly. "I want an autograph copy, Ray." Fraser and Maggie continued to comment on their delight at Ray's achievement, unaware that the detective had dropped into a kitchen chair and was staring off into space.
         "What's wrong, love?" Fraser asked finally noticing him. "Aren't you excited?" Ray nodded.
         "I..I think so." He murmured and Maggie knelt beside him, he was shaking.
         "I think he's in shock." She stated amused as Fraser joined her beside Ray.
         "I am very proud of you, Ray." He offered kindly and Ray blinked.
         "I...I'm really gonna be published." He remarked in disbelief and wonder. "How...how can someone like me write a story dat gets published, Frase?"
         "Because someone like you is wonderful, Ray." Fraser explained softly, squeezing his partner's hand encouragingly. "Soon, the world will read Fallen Mountie and love it as much as I love you, Ray." Ray blinked back his tears and accepted the embrace that he was immediately offered from both Canadians.
         "Luv ya, Ben." He whispered. "Thanks fer believing in me." When they pulled back, both Mounties's blue eyes were shining brightly.
         "Always Ray." He assured. "Forever and ever."
 

The end?

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