Rating/Warning: G. Slash.
Pairing: Fraser/Vecchio
Disclaimer: Well, they *feel* like they could be mine...
Summary: Benny's thoughts in an oxygen-deprived moment.
Spoilers: Not a single one.

BREATHE - by Ashinae

It's one of those things that just come naturally. In, out--in, out. One, two--one, two.

Steady, constant. You don't have to remind yourself. Or at least, you *shouldn't* have to remind yourself. When you do, you focus on it, worry at it; it becomes odd, unnatural and forced.

Breathe.

One, two.

It is forced, now. I have to remind myself. In, out. In, out. Don't forget. Calm down.

Breathe.

Shudder, tremble. At the thought, at the words that have escaped my mouth.

I wasn't going to let him know.

And now, I can't let him know how terrified I am; terrified of him, of me, of us, the two of us now. The fear makes my legs heavy, and my heart is pounding, and I feel light-headed. From the fear, from exhaustion, from how cold I suddenly feel, straight to the bones--freezing.

Breathe.

*Go ahead. Just take a deep breath--no one is watching.*

I think the world is spinning. Or maybe it's me, or maybe it's him, the two of us, now, tumbling down into the darkness together. Into the darkness, and the insanity--together.

We often say, "I need" when really, we just mean, "I want."

I need air. Need to breathe, maintain control, can't lose myself.

I want him. Want him so badly, it hurts, deep inside, like nothing has hurt in a long time. A different kind of hurt than what I am used to. It's an ache, deep inside, that is begging to be eased. A thirst, waiting to be quenched.

Desires waiting to be fulfilled.

The first touch is electric, simply incredible, and steals my breath again. It's almost over right then, but I have to hold back. We are so close now, sharing space, sharing the air I need so desperately. I am drowning in his eyes, drowning in my desire, and I am never going to be able to look back now. I can't change my mind anymore.

Breathe.

*No one is looking.*

Except for his eyes, those green depths, holding me hostage.

His hand is resting on my chest, over my rapidly beating heart, and it feels so hot, burning through my shirt. It is frightening and soothing all at once.

I've spoken so hastily, said the things I never intended to say, and yet he seems to understand. He understands my fear and hesitations, and how I feel.

His arms wrap around me, and he smiles, just a bit. His lips move close, so close, but just out of my reach.

"Breathe," he whispers.