Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just playing with them. They'll be fine when I'm finished, don't worry. I won't make any profit from this story, and there's no point in suing me - everyone recite my usual lament over the currency exchange rate.
Comments are always appreciated. What do I mean, appreciated?? More like craved! :)
By T'Mar
"You want me to what, Ray?" Benton Fraser asked, not too sure if he'd heard right.
Ray Vecchio sighed rather overdramatically. "You heard me, Benny. I just got tired of living at home. My sisters nag me, Tony has no respect for me, and my mother... Well, Ma is Ma. I love my family, Benny, but they can be too much sometimes. Now that Maria is pregnant again... I just want out."
Fraser looked confused. "But I thought it was your house, Ray."
"It is my house. Doesn't mean I can't get an apartment."
Fraser tried another tack. "Why are you including me in this plan of yours, though?"
"Because, Benny, it'll get you out of that fleabag apartment of yours! And because it'll make it easier for me to keep dropping you off at the Consulate. And because..." Ray ran out of steam. "Because you're my friend, Benny. I'd like to be able to relax with a friend sometimes."
"Don't we do that already?"
"Sure, but..." Ray trailed off. He wasn't sure exactly why he had asked Benny to come in on this apartment idea of his, he'd just felt that it was the right thing to do. "Aah, Benny, I dunno. I mean, we spend like all our off-duty time together anyhow - this'll cut down on travelling expenses!"
Fraser smiled a little. He was certainly tempted.
"Tony already agreed that he, Ma, Maria and Frannie would handle the expenses on the house. So I won't have that to worry about, only the rent on the apartment. And if you come in with me, that'll be halved anyhow."
"You don't think we'll end up killing each other or anything, do you?" Fraser asked Ray, smiling rather shyly. He knew he had this knack for annoying Ray a lot at times.
Ray laughed out loud. "I dunno, Benny. Maybe."
Fraser took a deep breath. He wanted to do it. He wasn't quite sure why, but it felt like the right thing to do. "All right. I'll come in with you. As long as Dief agrees."
"I'll bribe him with doughnuts, Benny."
"Ray!"
"Just kidding."
When Frannie heard that Fraser was going to share Ray's new apartment, she immediately volunteered to come and help them move. Ray had his mother, Tony, Maria and the small Vecchio's to help him; Fraser had a wolf, Mrs Gamez, Huey, and Frannie. They had planned to move all of Ray's things first, and then to go over to Fraser's place and move his few possessions. It hadn't worked out that way, though. Thatcher had needed Fraser to go up to Ottawa for her on the weekend of the move, and when he got back on the Sunday night, Ray had been called in for a double homicide.
So when Fraser finally arrived at the apartment in the pickup Ray had hired, Frannie in tow, it had been a long weekend and the two of them didn't even have the inclination to eat or do much of anything except fling blankets over their respective beds and fall asleep.
Ray woke up Monday morning to rather odd sounds... whining, humming, and cooking. Okay, the humming and cooking sounds were normal, but... Then he remembered, and smiled at Dief where he sat next to the bed, looking hopefully at him.
"Don't look at me, boy. Seems like Benny decided to cook today." Ray made a face. He wondered if Fraser *could* cook. Ray himself should have been a very able one, having an Italian mother and all, but apparently the cooking gene had not been passed on. Ray's attempts were edible, but nothing sterling. When he'd been married Angie had cooked, and living at home there was always someone to cook, so he hardly ever had to.
Ray got up, grabbed a robe, and wandered into the kitchen, where Fraser was making eggs and toast.
"Good morning, Ray. I'm almost finished. I hope you like your eggs with a few spices added." Fraser smiled as he placed the toast on one of his metal plates on the table.
"Benny, why are you using that? Where's the stuff Ma sent with me?"
"I don't know, Ray, and I didn't want to unpack these boxes without asking you."
"Ah, geez." Ray went to the counter and began pulling out dishes, cutlery and pots wrapped in newspaper. "Benny, if we are gonna share this apartment, we have to think of this stuff as 'ours'. Otherwise we'll never get anywhere. Okay?"
Fraser got that trapped animal look on his face, one that Ray knew well.
"Don't gimme that look, Benny. I'll wash this stuff, and we'll put it all in the closet together. No arguments."
"Yes, Ray."
Fraser spooned off a large helping of egg onto a plate for Ray, then sat at the table and waited, staring at Ray's back as he washed dishes.
Ray could feel the eyes on him and turned around, still with a dish in his hand. "What now?"
"Breakfast, Ray."
Ray dried his hands and sat. "Ya know, Benny, you could have said something." He began to eat without really noticing what he was eating. Finally, on the fourth bite it occurred to him to taste the food instead of - sorry, Dief - wolfing it down so quickly. "Hey, this is actually good!"
"Thank you, Ray."
"Where'd you learn to cook?" Ray plunged on without waiting for an answer. "No, wait, I know. Your grandmother had books on the subject."
"Not books, Ray. My grandmother taught me to cook."
"I thought your grandmother's cooking wasn't so good?"
"It wasn't. I was forced to become a better cook so that I could enjoy eating." Fraser had a strange gleam in his eye, and it took about half a minute before Ray realised he was making a joke.
"Oh, I get it, Benny. Yeah, that's funny."
Fraser just smiled happily at him and they finished the breakfast in silence.
When they got back to the apartment after work, it was a bit of a shock to see what it looked like. There were boxes everywhere, and Fraser's bed was still standing in the middle of the living room.
"Geez, Benny, it didn't seem so bad this morning," Ray said as he stepped over boxes which Frannie had thoughtfully left in the doorway.
"That's because we were too tired to notice," Fraser reminded him.
"Well, we'd better unpack all this stuff and get your bed moved into the actual bedroom." There was a pause. "Which bedroom do you want, Benny?"
Fraser frowned. "I thought you said there were only two bedrooms?"
"There are. But Tony put my bed in that one. If you want it we could switch."
Fraser's eyes widened. "I'll take whichever one you don't want, Ray."
"Benny, Benny, Benny," his friend sighed. "I'm trying to be nice here. I really would like you to choose."
"I don't have a preference, Ray."
"Well, neither do I!"
They looked at each other, hazel eyes on blue, and then Ray started laughing. "Maybe you weren't so far off about us killing each other."
Fraser grinned with him, then said, "What if we let Dief choose?"
"Choose your bedroom?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
Fraser turned to his wolf, who was sitting in amongst the chaos looking impassive. "Dief. Choose my bedroom."
Diefenbaker got up, jumping over a rather large box, and went into each bedroom, sniffing intently. Finally he came out, gave Fraser a knowing look, and trotted into the empty bedroom where he promptly lay under the window.
"Okay." Ray went to one side of Fraser's bed. "Let's do it."
Fraser took hold of the other side, and they maneuvered the bed into position.
"How's that, Benny?"
"Perfect, Ray."
Ray sat down on Fraser's bed, then lay down, and finally groaned loudly.
"How can you sleep on this thing?" Without waiting for an answer he continued, "You should save some money for a decent bed, Benny."
"This bed is fine, Ray, really."
"Oh yeah? Well, come and lie down and say that again."
Fraser lay down next to him. "It's..."
Ray leaned up on one elbow and looked at him. "No lying, Benny."
"It's fine, Ray."
"Oh, all right! Kill yourself on the bed from hell if you like!"
They looked at each other, and started laughing. For some unknown reason what Ray had said seemed hysterically funny. Fraser stopped laughing first, as he looked at Ray, lounging on his bed as if he belonged there. It was that thought that made him stop cold. 'As if he belonged there??' What kind of a thought was that? Fraser shook his head, getting up. Ray came from a big family; they were probably used to lounging around on one another's beds all the time.
Ray got up when Fraser did. "Want some help making the bed?"
For some reason Fraser didn't want Ray near him right now. "No, thank you, Ray."
"Okay. I'll be in the other room, unpacking."
By the time they each had to report to work for their shifts, the apartment actually looked livable. Ray had packed all the dishes and kitchen utensils away, stocked the closets with food that he said Americans could actually eat, and put out towels in the bathroom.
Fraser had tidied the living room, set out the furniture, and finished organising his bedroom. He looked around, still a bit startled to realise that for the first time since he'd joined the RCMP, he was living in close quarters with someone. He only hoped that he and Ray wouldn't kill each other before... Before what? He didn't know, but he felt as if this was a
step towards something, something important.
When their shifts were over - they had had the same shift, completely by coincidence - Fraser offered to cook dinner, and Ray accepted. He still found it amusing that Benny could actually cook. He would never have thought that. But a delicious casserole later, Ray had to admit that Benny's cooking was pretty damn good.
"We'll take turns with this, okay, Benny?" he asked around a mouthful of dessert, which was just plain vanilla ice-cream.
"You mean the cooking?"
Ray only nodded since he was busy swallowing.
"That seems fair." And it did.
"Yeah, and every third day we'll get take-out, whaddaya say? That way my mother will be happy and I'll still be able to eat pizza or Chinese whenever I want to."
"I'm not sure we should have take-out *that* often, Ray..." Fraser began, thinking about nutrition.
"Okay, okay, we'll go eat at Ma's once a week, like you used to. How's that?"
"That's a good idea."
"Great." Ray paused, having finished the dessert. But he didn't rise to put the dishes in the sink. "Benny... what about women?"
"I don't follow you."
Ray felt silly, but all they'd discussed *before* the move was what to bring, how to get it there, and how much rent they'd each pay. "What I mean is, if one of us gets a date and wants to bring the woman back here to... you know... what will the rules be?"
Fraser, for some reason, felt hurt at that statement, but he didn't show it, he just looked at Ray with what Ray called the 'big-eyed Mountie look'.
"Oh, come on, Benny, it could happen!"
"Well, of course it could, Ray. The unattached party will simply retire to his room for the evening, so that the lady can be entertained in the living room and... elsewhere."
The red serge which Fraser had not yet removed made it hard to tell, but Ray could have sworn that Benny was blushing. "Fraser... are you blushing?"
Fraser looked down at his food and didn't say anything, and Ray became alarmed. "Benny?"
When Benny looked back up, his face was set in his 'determined' expression. "I like to think that women are more than just... evening companions," he finally said.
But Ray got the idea that he'd missed something. He wasn't sure what, though, so he figured he'd better leave it alone.
They finished the dinner in silence, and after that Fraser decided to read a book while Ray watched TV.
Things went smoothly for a while, although Fraser wasn't used to Ray's casual attitude when it came to privacy. Much like his family - although he was a little more discreet - he thought nothing of barging into the bathroom when Fraser was taking a shower, or going into Fraser's bedroom when he got insights about cases.
Normally this wouldn't have bothered the Mountie, but ever since that day when Ray had lounged on his bed and called it the 'bed from hell', something had changed. He didn't feel comfortable in Ray's company anymore, especially not when he was naked and taking a shower!
Ray was oblivious to this, of course, until one day when he had to work a double shift and rushed home to shower and change.
Fraser was in the bathroom.
"Benny, are you nearly finished?" Ray yelled over the noise of water.
"Yes, Ray."
"Don't use all the hot water, okay? I have to be back at the precinct in about ten minutes."
As soon as Ray said that, the water ceased. Fraser stuck a hand out. "Ray. Towel."
"Oh. Here." He handed Fraser one and began shedding his rather grimy clothes. For once he'd gotten filthy on a case that hadn't involved Benny! He had everything off except his briefs when Fraser stepped out of the shower.
Benny's voice when he spoke sounded a little... odd. "Ray! What are you doing?"
"Saving time," Ray replied, reaching into the stall and turning the water back on.
Fraser turned away, suddenly terrified at the lump in his throat and the fact that he seemed to be having trouble breathing.
Ray sensed a change in his friend, and turned to see what the problem was. And he saw... the scar. Not just any scar, this was the scar caused by him. It was the scar from the time he had shot Fraser. Without realising what he was doing, Ray found himself lifting one hand, wanting to sooth it away, make it disappear, so that he and Benny could both forget about that period in their lives.
Then Fraser saw the movement in the mirror, and turned around, sounding... panicked. "Ray?!"
Ray pulled his hand down as fast as he could. "Geez, I'm sorry, Benny." He saw Benny swallow: once, twice, and then speak.
"Sorry?" was all he managed to get out.
"Yeah. For shooting you."
And then a smile came onto the Mountie's face as he relaxed. "You apologised long ago. I forgave you. That's all in the past, Ray. It isn't healthy to keep dwelling on it."
"I'm not, Benny, I just saw..." The scar. The scar, marring the skin
covering that beautiful back. Then he seemed to realise what he was thinking, and shook his head to clear it. "Listen, I gotta get to work."
Fraser didn't say anything, merely nodded once and left the bathroom.
Ray stood under the rapidly cooling spray, wondering what the hell had just happened. He had been about to touch that scar, and soothe away the hurt, and feel Benny's skin under his hands...
Ray dropped the soap as that thought came into his head, but he didn't bother to try and retrieve it, he just stood there under water which was really getting cold now. What was he thinking?! *Wanting* to touch Benny? No, that was impossible! So why did he keep seeing Benny in his mind, keep seeing the scar, keep wanting to... He didn't know. Ray turned the water off, picked the soap up, and got out of the shower. He really did have to get to work.
Fraser took a walk in their new neighbourhood after Ray went to work, and then went back to the apartment. He'd gotten a new book from the library just that morning, and figured that he'd have plenty of time to read it. But as he stood in the bathroom washing up, all he could remember was Ray, standing there behind him in nothing but his underwear, lifting his hand to... what? All Fraser knew was that he wished Ray had finished the motion, touched him. He didn't know what would have happened next, but he did know that it would have ended the state of limbo that he seemed to find himself in. One way or another, it would have ended it.
Fraser gave up on the book after half an hour. He'd been reading the first page that long, and still had no idea what it said. He kept seeing Ray's movement in the mirror, he kept getting that... longing. Yes, that was the word. Longing. 'I don't long for Ray, do I?' he thought. But the more he thought about it, the more he knew that he did, in fact, long for Ray. But was it just Ray's company and friendship he longed for, or... something more? Something physical?
Fraser wasn't the most physical man in the universe. But, he didn't mind it when people hugged or kissed him, and he certainly didn't mind changing babies, or feeding them... Maybe being in the company of another human in his off-hours had made him need some sort of physical contact. A hug now and then wouldn't be too much to ask, would it? And yet Fraser instinctively knew that he couldn't ask such a thing of Ray. So he'd either have to get *rid* of this longing somehow, or learn to live with it.
So Fraser didn't say anything when Ray got back after his shift. He didn't say anything the next day, or the next week. He did notice, however, that Ray no longer came into the bathroom when he was taking a shower, or washing up. Obviously, that incident in the bathroom had scared Ray. Fraser could understand that. This whole thing scared him, too. He thought about telling Ray that he preferred to live on his own, and he really did consider moving back to his old place, but in the end he knew he wouldn't be able to. Because it would hurt Ray.
The night when he'd almost touched Fraser, Ray had spent his entire shift concentrating on the incident and not on his work. He'd had much the same thoughts as Fraser, but finally he'd dismissed them. No. He'd lived in close quarters with people before, and not had this urge to touch them. This was something else. This was attraction. Maybe platonic, maybe not. Probably not, he ended up thinking. But there was no way he would ever act on such a thing. For one thing, it would freak Benny out completely, and for another, having to admit that he was attracted to another man was right out.
Ray also considered moving out, going home, but he knew he wouldn't be able to. Because it would hurt Benny.
Things were a little more tense than they had been, but both men tried to be normal, to act normal, and it was working. "Good morning, Ray," Fraser would say when it was his turn to make breakfast.
"Hey, Benny," Ray would reply, and they'd sit and eat and discuss whatever case they were working on.
That pattern was repeated at night, and whenever they were alone together. At one time Ray had tried to get Fraser to talk about his feelings, to open up, but he no longer did that. He was scared of what he might hear, and how he might respond.
Then one day, Fraser got a phone call at the Consulate. It was Elaine. "Listen, Fraser, Ray just killed somebody."
"I'm sorry?" he asked, a bit startled.
"Yeah, in the line of duty. He shot a guy."
Fraser asked for details.
"Seems he was out on a different case and some guy decided to rob a convenience store just as he passed. The guy shot at him first," she added. "He asked me to call you and tell you that he'll be a little late because I.A. wants to see him this afternoon."
"Will it be all right?" Fraser asked. I.A. wasn't the most sympathetic branch of the Chicago P.D. he'd ever encountered.
"It should be," Elaine replied, sounding quite sure of her facts. "There were witnesses. But they do need his statement. And..." She trailed off, not sure of whether to say anything. But Fraser kept quiet, so Elaine continued. "With a lot of cops, sometimes they go to pieces. Either they want to discuss it and they tell everyone, or they keep quiet, pretend everything's fine, and get an ulcer."
"What do you think Ray will do?"
"He'll probably tell you about it. But he'll tell you he's fine. He's not, Fraser. I saw him afterwards, and he had that *look*, you know? The one where his eyes go all big and scared?"
Fraser did indeed know that look. "Yes, Elaine, I know."
"Just thought I'd tell you. You're his best friend, maybe you can help him get through it."
"I'll certainly try," Fraser said.
"I suppose Elaine told you," Ray said when he picked Fraser up from the consulate forty minutes later than he usually did.
"Yes, Ray. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, thanks, Benny. It was him or me."
"Ray..."
"I'm fine!" Ray yelled, a lot louder than he meant to.
"I didn't say you weren't, Ray. But it might help if you told me what happened."
Ray calmed down, knowing that Benny meant well. "Ah, geez, Benny. I was walking past the store on my way to interview the witness in the DeCarlo homicide. And I hear a scream. This guy has the woman and two customers on the floor, and he's about to start cleaning out the register. So I yelled at him to freeze, and he starts shooting." Ray went very quiet then.
"And that's when..." Fraser said.
"Yeah, that's when. He's dead, Benny. It's over."
"What did I.A. say?"
"They're cool about it. My statement was corroborated by the two other people in the store. It won't be a problem." A slight pause. "Now can we talk about something else, please?"
Fraser didn't push. "Of course, Ray. You know, I think Diefenbaker should go on a diet. The way people spoil him..." Fraser talked of inconsequential things (inconsequential to Ray, anyway) until they got back to the apartment.
It was Fraser's turn to make dinner. He cooked a very simple pasta dish which he'd learned from Ray's mother, who'd said it was one of Ray's favourites. But even though Ray said it was delicious, he only picked at it. Fraser estimated that Ray ate three mouthfuls, but he didn't say anything. It wouldn't help. Ray would only yell and protest that he was fine.
At the end of the meal, though, he tried once more. "Ray..."
"I'm going to bed, Benny," Ray said in an offhand tone. "I'm tired."
"It's not even 8 p.m. yet," the Mountie protested. Ray usually watched TV around 8 p.m.
"G-ddammit, Fraser, you're not my mother!"
"I'm sorry, Ray." Benny apologised quietly, knowing Ray would feel bad about yelling when he calmed down.
And hearing that did make him calm down. "Geez, Benny, I'm sorry. I guess this does have me a bit freaked. But I'll be fine, okay? I just need some time alone."
"Of course, Ray. Goodnight." Fraser went into his own room and polished his boots, then carried on reading the book which Francesca had bought for him: _The Star Wars Compendium_. According to Frannie, Fraser needed something different in his life. She hadn't believed him when he'd told her he'd seen the movies. But he'd only seen them once, and reading the books was actually quite enjoyable.
It was 10.30 when Fraser decided to call it a night. He sat up to put the book on the beside table, and saw Dief. Dief was sitting facing in the direction of Ray's room.
Fraser walked around so that Dief could see him speak. "Dief? Is Ray all right?"
The wolf didn't move, he just continued to stare at the wall.
Fraser panicked. He rushed out of his own room and into Ray's.
Ray was sitting on his bed with his legs drawn up under his chin, shaking.
"Ray?" Fraser sat down next to his friend, careful not to touch him for fear that Ray might hit him.
"Oh, G-d," Ray said, his voice cracking. "I killed him, Benny. I killed him."
"It was necessary, Ray," Benny pointed out.
"Oh, G-d." And this time Ray's voice did crack, and tears rolled down his cheeks. Fraser forgot all about his promise to himself that he wouldn't hug Ray, he forgot everything except the fact that Ray needed him now. He reached out and put his arms around Ray.
"It's all right, Ray, it's all right." The words seemed so empty and meaningless, because it *wasn't* all right. And Fraser knew it, but he just had to keep talking, to let Ray hear the sound of someone's voice.
And then Ray turned into the embrace and put his arms around Fraser, too. "Benny, thank G-d you're here." He held on for dear life.
"You know I won't leave you, Ray. Never." The admission startled Fraser, even though he'd said it. But it was true, and they both knew it.
Ray pulled back a little to look into those blue eyes, the eyes which
offered comfort and love. "Yeah, I know," he said, smiling a little.
With those words, the atmosphere changed. Ray could suddenly feel every inch of Fraser's arms, feel their warmth as they enfolded him. And his resolve that he'd never do this, never even admit it, melted. Nothing mattered except being here in Benny's arms.
Their faces were only inches apart, and they leaned forward at exactly the same time, their lips meeting briefly.
The touch was electric, and they both pulled back in surprise, two pairs of eyes widening considerably. They looked at each other, unable to move away, but not too sure if they should move forward again.
Ray wanted to say something, but he had *needed* that touch, the almost-kiss. He still did. He leaned forward again, slowly and with intent. Just before his mouth captured Benny's he saw a smile, and a twinkle appeared in those beautiful blue eyes.
The kiss was long, and hard, and very arousing, as they opened their mouths at exactly the same time, and allowed the other access. Ray tasted Benny from the inside, and gloried in feeling Benny taste him. This was comfort, but it was also very, very right.
Fraser shifted on the bed to get closer to Ray, and they ended up kneeling on the bed, their arms around each other as they kissed. And then they moved forward again, and their groins came together.
Ray was wearing only his pyjama bottoms, and Fraser had on his red longjohns, so there wasn't that much between the two of them, and each could feel the want of the other. It was enough to shock them both back to reality, and they let go of each other, sitting back on the bed, panting.
They stared into each other's eyes, and then spoke each other's names at once. "Benny..."
"Ray..."
They stopped, and this time Fraser waited for Ray to speak.
"Benny, I..." He paused again. Swallowed. "Is this what you want?" It was a rather timid question, but it needed an answer.
"I think so, Ray."
"Yeah. Me too." Ray leaned back against the headboard and regarded his friend. "I am attracted to you, Benny. Have been since..."
"That night in the bathroom, when you saw the scar," Fraser supplied.
"Yeah."
"I know, Ray. I've felt the same."
Ray rubbed his eyes. "So what do we do, Benny?"
"I don't know," Fraser admitted. "I do... want you. But... not so fast. I'm a little... disconcerted."
"Me too, Benny. Me too." They looked at each other, both calming down a little. "Let's sleep on it, okay? If we still feel this way tomorrow, maybe..." And Ray trailed off hopefully.
Fraser got off the bed. "Will you be all right now, Ray?"
"Yeah."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
"All right. Goodnight, Ray."
"'Night, Benny."
It was strange, but Ray really did feel better. He felt good enough that he was able to sleep soundly. And when he woke up, he knew just what he wanted, and what he should do.
Fraser awoke slowly, to the feeling that somebody was watching him. Despite this, he didn't feel threatened at all, so he let himself surface slowly, and opened his eyes. Ray was sitting just at the edge of his bed, smiling down at him. Fraser swallowed to get his voice working and softly asked, "Ray?"
"Hey, Benny. I was just watching you sleep."
Fraser's heart leapt at the words. You didn't watch someone sleep if you intended to break their heart... at least, he hoped not. He sat up in the bed, inching closer to Ray. "Why?"
"Because you're so beautiful, Benny, that's why. And I wanted to tell you..." His face broke into a beautiful smile. "That I haven't changed my mind. I want to try..."
"Try what, Ray?"
"Whatever we're both ready for, Benny."
When he heard this, Fraser leaned forward again and kissed Ray. It wasn't the timid first kiss of the night before, or the passionate second kiss, it was somewhere in between: a comforting kiss, one which held the promise of more to come.
They moved apart eventually, and just sat there, looking into each other's eyes. Ray reached up to touch Benny's cheek. "What do you want, Benny?"
He'd thought Benny might argue, might ask instead what he, Ray, wanted, but Benny didn't. "I want to make love to you, Ray," he replied, his eyes dark blue and serious. "Do you want this, too?"
Ray reached forward and unbuttoned the front of Benny's red pyjamas. "Oh, yeah, Benny." His hand slid beneath the material, and he caressed smooth, smooth skin, smiling when Benny's eyes closed. "You like that, Benny?" He stopped the caress, and Benny's eyes opened again.
"Yes, Ray. Please... touch me."
"Where, Benny?"
"Everywhere." Since Ray wasn't wearing a pyjama top, it was easy for Fraser to reciprocate the caress, and Ray knew that if they kept this up he wouldn't be able to touch Benny the way he wanted to. He wanted to smell, see, touch and taste each and every inch of Benny's body. And he wanted to
do it now. He took Benny's hands and held them away from him.
"Me first, Benny."
They had both forgotten about getting up, about work, about the outside world. All that mattered now was to discover each other, and Ray intended to do just that. Shrugging out of his pyjamas, he grinned at Benny and waited for him to remove the red longjohns.
Fraser's eyes widened at the sight of Ray's naked body so close to his, and he hastened to get the pj's off.
"Lie down, Benny," Ray said, and Fraser complied. Ray moved up on the bed and lay down next to him, touching Benny's hair, then his face, with just one finger, then running his hand down Benny's neck onto his chest, and down his torso, as far as he could go without moving. Then he kissed Benny: first his hair, then his face: forehead, eyes, cheeks, chin - skipping his mouth altogether. Then the kisses intensified as Ray kissed Benny's neck, and chest, and moved so that he could kiss further down.
Then, when he had moved down enough so that his hand could reach the other parts of Benny he ran it along his stomach, and down, onto his thighs, further down, until he touched Benny's feet.
Fraser jerked when Ray reached the soles of his feet. "Ray, that tickles."
Ray looked up, grinning. "You're telling me you're ticklish, Benny?"
"Well, yes, Ray."
Ray grinned even more, and grabbed Benny's foot, tickling without mercy. Fraser giggled and writhed, trying to get away, but Ray wouldn't let him. Finally Fraser couldn't take it anymore, and managed to sit up while still in the throes of a major breathless giggle fit. He grabbed Ray by the shoulders and rolled him underneath, effectively pinning him to the bed. "Ray, that was unforgivable!"
Ray just laughed back up at him, his eyes sparkling, totally unrepentant. "Yeah, but it was fun!"
They just lay there like that, staring into each other's eyes, as the laughter died away and was replaced by something a lot more urgent. Ray looked up into Benny's eyes, seeing the desire there. He wanted Benny - oh how he wanted him - but it only became real to him when he looked into the bottomless pools that were Benny's eyes, when he felt the hardness of Benny's desire against him. And Ray was shocked by what he wanted from Benny. He didn't just want gentle caresses, sweet lovemaking, he wanted Benny *inside* him. He didn't know why it should be now, why before anything else, but it was so.
Fraser noticed the sudden intense look that crossed Ray's features, and he thought something had gone wrong. "Ray? What's wrong?"
Ray was terrified that this want of his would push Benny away. He didn't know if Benny had ever contemplated this in his life; he knew he certainly never had. But being a cop, you found out things you maybe wouldn't know otherwise... and even if he'd never contemplated it, he knew what was involved... and he wanted it. "There's nothing wrong, Benny," he said. "I just... I want you."
Fraser opened his mouth to speak, but Ray cut him off.
"I want you to make love to me, Benny." He didn't wait for what Benny would say next. "I want to feel you inside me." A slight pause, as he saw Benny's eyes widen in comprehension. "Do you understand?"
Fraser moved away a little, and Ray saw that he had obviously never contemplated this. "You want me to s... s..." He couldn't say it, but Ray realised what it was he was trying to ask, and forestalled it.
"Don't say that word, Benny. Don't make this ugly. I want you to *make love* to me. Because I love you." It was the first time either of them would say it, but not the last.
Fraser moved off of him, and lay on his side, just looking at Ray. "I don't know if I can."
"Did people make you think this was wrong, Benny?" Ray had met too many people in his line of work to think that any form of sexual expression was wrong. Some cops just became hardened to others who were different; Ray had just become... indifferent. Let everyone do whatever they wanted.
Fraser whispered, "No, Ray. I..."
"Would you rather do something else?" Ray asked gently, the desire in his blood calming as they lay together.
"I want to do this for you," Benny said next. "But if... if I can't... you'll understand, won't you?"
Ray leaned forward and kissed him: just a tender, reassuring kiss. "Of course, Benny."
"I love you, Ray." Fraser smiled, and got up.
For a minute Ray panicked and thought that Benny had decided not to go through with it, but then Benny returned holding the lotion that Frannie had given him long ago, to combat the dryness of Chicago's climate. It was the only thing available, and it dawned on Ray that while Benny might never have thought about this, he wasn't entirely ignorant either. "Turn over," Benny said as he carefully sat on the bed.
Ray did as he was asked, and waited for Benny's next move. Somehow he'd
expected a chill, but when Benny finally parted him and began to smooth the lotion into him, he realised that Benny had warmed it first. It helped. Ray relaxed, letting himself concentrate on the sensations created by Benny's finger inside him. It was... not unpleasant at all. In fact, he realised that he wanted more than just Benny's finger inside him that way. He groaned loudly, with the strange pleasure of it, and felt Benny freeze.
"Ray? Are you all right?" he asked, sliding his finger out very carefully.
Ray turned around and sat up, kissing Benny with rekindled passion. "Oh, yeah, Benny. I'm great." Without looking away from those beautiful blue eyes, Ray fumbled for the lotion, opened the jar and scooped some onto his fingers. He reached towards Fraser, and Fraser, knowing what he was about to do, arched towards his fingers.
"G-d, Benny," Ray mumbled, as he felt the tremors through his friend's body as he smoothed the lotion onto him ever so carefully. He had never touched this part of Benny before, and he wanted to do more... but if he continued in this way, it would be over too soon. No, he wanted Benny to make love to him. After that... well, there would be more time for exploring, and maybe... maybe Benny would want to be made love to, as well. Ray took his hand away and lay face-down on the bed again. "Please, Benny, do it. Make love to me." He didn't look, but he felt sure that Benny was terrified. "Fraser!"
That seemed to bring Benny out of it, and Ray felt Benny's hand run down his back, over his rear end, and then part him carefully.
With his other hand, Fraser took hold of himself, and began to press his entry, but still he hesitated. "Ray...?"
"Do it!" Ray said, rather savagely, and Fraser listened, entering Ray all the way and lying across his back as much as he could, using his hands on either side for balance.
"Benny," Ray whispered, closing his eyes and absorbing the odd sensation. Oh, he could get used to this for sure.
"Are you all right?" Fraser asked next, terrified that he was hurting his best friend... no, his lover... now. He didn't want to move until he was sure.
"Yeah. Oh, yeah," Ray mumbled, and so Fraser moved, into and out of his lover, slowly at first, but with increasing urgency.
Ray forgot where he was, or what had happened to bring them to this; all he could concentrate on was the feeling of Benny, there *with* him.
Fraser had also forgotten, as he felt himself reach the edge of that abyss, in Ray, with Ray... Ray... "Ray, I love you!" he managed to get out just before he exploded inside of his friend, collapsing across his back.
They stayed there like that for a long time, and although it was a bit hard to breathe with Benny on top of him, Ray didn't want to move. He just wanted to stay here like this, safe with Benny.
Eventually, Fraser realised that he was, not to put too fine a point on it, squashing Ray. He moved away. "Ray, I'm sorry. Are you all right?"
Ray turned around, and, to Fraser's surprise, pulled him back on top, only this time looking into his eyes. "I love you, Benny," he said.
Benny smiled, then, rather shyly. "And I love you." He pause, as they considered the events that had led them to this. "Ray, are you sure this hasn't because of what happened yesterday?"
The hazel eyes grew dark. "No, Benny. I've wanted you for a long time. I just... I couldn't say anything because I didn't know if you felt the same."
"I do feel the same, Ray. I do." A short pause, then, "Will you let me love you, now? You didn't..." Benny blushed, not able to say the words.
Ray said them for him. "You mean I never came, Benny. Isn't that right?"
Fraser turned even redder. "Yes."
Ray leaned up to kiss him, letting all Benny's love and warmth flow into him. "Whatever you want, Benny." He leaned back and closed his eyes as he felt Fraser's lips move down his neck, and onto his chest, just giving feather-light kisses, kisses which left him wanting more. "More, Benny, please," he whispered, and Benny listened, his mouth closing over one nipple and sucking forcefully, as his hand travelled downwards to Ray's penis.
When Fraser grabbed him, Ray let out an incoherent cry of desire and relief, but then Benny didn't *do* anything, he just stopped. Stopped the wonderful suckling, stopped all touching. He just plain stopped.
"Benny?" Ray asked, confused, lifting his head up and looking into those clear blue eyes.
Fraser sounded embarrassed. "Ray, I want to..."
"What, Benny?"
"I want..." He couldn't seem to say it. "I'd like to... but I don't know if I can."
"What, Benny?" Ray asked again, getting annoyed.
"Let me show you." And Fraser slid down the bed and took Ray's penis into his mouth.
Ray arched upwards. "G-d! Benny!"
Fraser let go at this and looked at him in what seemed like panic. "Ray?"
"Don't stop, Benny, please, just don't stop!"
"Understood." And Fraser smiled his most vulnerable smile and resumed what he was doing. He was careful at first, very careful, and slow, but he felt the urgency in Ray's body, and without being asked, sped up his movements over his friend.
Ray had long ago closed his eyes... in fact, he was squeezing them shut with great force as he gloried in what Benny was doing to him. He wanted it to go on forever, but at the same time he wanted it to end. And then Benny stopped all movement and just sucked strongly... Ray arched right back into the pillow as his hips came off the bed, and his seed filled Benny's mouth.
"Benny!" was all he managed to get out as he sank back, completely exhausted. He wanted to look at Benny, to see whether Benny's penchant for eating weird things included this, but he didn't even have enough energy to lift his head.
Somewhere in a daze he felt Benny move up the bed and lie next to him, wrapping his arms around him. And then a concerned voice... "Ray?"
"Yeh?" Hardly a word, but he knew Benny would understand.
"Are you all right?"
Ray finally summoned up a little strength. "G-d, Benny, of course I am. Couldn't you tell?"
"Well, I thought so, Ray, but..." He trailed off.
"Kiss me, Benny."
Fraser kissed him, and Ray tasted himself in Benny's mouth and wondered if Benny had only tasted, or...? The thought was very erotic and arousing, and Ray decided that he wanted to be the one doing the tasting next time.
"My turn next, Benny," he whispered, managing to make his limbs work and wrap his arms around Benny in turn.
The whole experience had shocked Fraser it had been so profound, and so loving, and so... sexy. He knew he'd be willing to learn to do anything with Ray, that he wanted what Ray had wanted, and that the thought of Ray doing to him what he had just done made him hard all over again. "Yes, Ray, whatever you want," he said, meaning it.
Ray leaned over him a little. "Really?"
"Really."
"I love you, Benny."
"I know, Ray. I love you."
They would both have been *very* late for work that day if Ray hadn't called in sick and made Fraser do the same. They were together, they had their own place, and they loved each other. The outside world could wait for a while.
THE END