Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV, or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.
"... a Dish Best Served Cold"
By SL Haas
(Copyright November 1996, Revised May 1999)
July 1984
"H
urry up, T! I want to show you something!" Dr. Phil McKenzie hurried ahead of Constable Benton Fraser as they took the trail down to the river."Where are we going?"
"You'll see. It's another of my 'thinking' spots." She stopped and swung around in a circle, her arms held out from her body. "That's what I love about this place, there are so many different 'spots' to enjoy." She grabbed his hand and tugged on his arm. "Hurry up, you slug!" He laughed and allowed her to pull him to a faster pace.
They crossed the meadow and entered a stand of trees. The trail descended a steep break in slope before the azure waters of a small lake came into view. The trail brought them to the edge of the lake where they stopped and enjoyed the view. Phil raised her ever-present camera to her eye and began taking pictures. As she panned around she found Ben in her viewfinder. She quickly snapped several frames of him.
"Why did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Take my picture."
"Because I want some pictures of you."
"Why? You have me. You don't need pictures."
Heartache momentarily clouded her mind as she turned her back on him. "I won't have you after October, T. I want some pictures of you, so just get used to it."
"Phil, we need to talk about this."
"Talk about what?"
"About my going back to Canada."
"What's to talk about?" She turned and looked him square in the eye. "You have a job to do and so do I. We both knew this was only temporary. So let's just enjoy each other's company while we can. Let's not worry about tomorrow. It can take care of itself!"
"Phil, sooner or later, we will have to deal with this."
"I know, Ben, but not now...not today."
The look he gave her was a mixture of understanding and exasperation. "So where's this spot you wanted to show me?"
"This way." Phil led Ben around the perimeter of the lake to a position where a ridge of rock ran out into the water. She scampered up onto the ridge and motioned for Ben to follow. When he was standing beside her, she moved out further onto the ridge following its length out into the water where it jutted like a pointing finger. As they neared the end, Phil suddenly sprinted forward and leaped to an isolated rock just past where the ridge ended. Retracing his steps and sprinting forward, Ben landed next to her on the rock. It was larger than it appeared.
"This is a great place to come on a hot day! The water off the side of this rock is deep enough to dive into. It's a great place to swim. That is, it's great if you don't mind the cold water!" She laughed and moved to the farther side of the rock. Ben followed. Without turning she reached behind, grasped his hand, and pulled him up next to her. She wrapped his arm around her and pulled his other one around her slender form. She then leaned back against his chest and sighed.
Ben had followed Phil out onto this rock in the middle of the lake (okay--it wasn't in the middle!) and moved with her to the edge of the rock. He was surprised when she reached behind her and took his arm and pulled him to her then wrapped both of his arms around her. He thought back to that first visit to the Point when Phil had done the same thing thinking he was her brother, TJ. But today it was he, Benton Fraser, that Phil drew to herself. His throat tightened and his body responded to her nearness. The bulge in his pants became more insistent. The strength of his love for her made him breathless.
"Phil, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for sometime. I've become very...that is...I've developed strong...Phil, I..."
She turned quickly in his arms and placed a hand over his mouth. There was desperation in her eyes. "No, T, don't say it. Don't say anything."
"But, Phil, this is important..."
Phil was frightened. As long as what existed between them was left unsaid, she didn't have to acknowledge the heartache that already plagued her existence.
"No, Fraser!"
She pulled away from Ben but not before he saw the shutters closing in her eyes. She was shutting him off again. She only called him Fraser when she distanced herself from him. Why did she do this to him? Every time he tried to tell her of his love or what he was feeling she cut him off. It hurt. Didn't she care for him?
He watched the fleeting emotions play across her face. He thought back to the conversation he had had with TJ so long ago. Comprehension dawned as he realized she was denying her love. By denying him she was trying to protect herself from hurt. He could wait, but he would, eventually, get her to confront her feelings. Only then could they deal with the Canada issue. In the meantime, he wanted to see that look of fear gone from her eyes.
"Phil, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Forgive me, please." She had turned away from him. "Phil, please don't shut me out. It hurts when you do that. I promise I won't say what's in both of our hearts." She stiffened at that. "I promise I won't bring it up until you're ready to deal with it. But, Phil, we will deal with it sooner or later. I can't go on like this for much longer. Even if you can, I can't deny what I'm feeling. But, I won't pressure you, now." He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. He was distressed to see the tears streaming down her face.
Everything he said was true and she knew it. She could feel the fear and pain of losing him fighting for possession of her soul. She felt the tears cloud her vision and, not wanting Ben to see her like this, she turned her back on him. She fought to prevent that first tear from falling, but it welled out and crept down her cheek. Others followed. She would not cry in front of Ben. She would not. Ben wasn't helping talking about feelings they both had. He couldn't possibly know how she felt. Dammit! Why couldn't she stop crying. She barely felt his hands on her shoulders turning her to face him.
"Phil..." She was pulled to him. She buried her face in his shirt and allowed him to hold her. She barely heard the words he whispered in her ear or felt the hands on her back. Her world shrank to that eye-level button on his shirt. Her tears slowed then ceased as she absentmindedly plucked at the button. She began to hear the words that brushed her ear. Nothing coherent--just words, phrases. "Shush...I'm here...all right...my love..."
She felt the hands on her back, gentle circular motions that soothed. She relaxed against his broad chest and felt the security of his strong arms around her...the security of his steady heartbeat. Why could she not admit her feelings to him? Maybe he could help her deal with them. Heaven only knew she had had no success dealing with them by herself. The circular motions on her back brought tingles to her spine. She felt a shimmering warmth begin to stir through her.
Turning her face to his chest, she whispered, "I love you, Benton Fraser. I can't help myself, I love you."
As soft as it was, Ben heard the whisper with crystal clarity. He felt his heart swelling and a lump settled in his throat. She loved him and had finally admitted it. He picked her up and swung her around. The smile he gave her was radiant. "That's wonderful, Phil. I was beginning to think that I would never be able to convince you that you love me as much as I love you!"
Ben rained kisses on her face until she laughing. Only then did he seek her lips. He was surprised at the response he got. Phil kissed him like there was no tomorrow. He felt the heat of her body pressed against him and felt an urgency of his own. His tongue stroked her lips, closed as always. "Phil, open your mouth," he breathed against her lips. He felt her mouth tighten then relax under his probing tongue. Her lips parted and he felt the slick surfaces of her teeth, then those too parted and his tongue entered the warm softness of her mouth. Electricity arced through his body as his tongue encountered hers. He stroked her tongue and slowly coaxed it from her mouth. A moan escaped from deep in her throat. Looking into her eyes, he saw desire burning in their depths. He gently sucked on her tongue. Her body moved against his. His desire, no...his need for her consumed him. He pulled her hips to him and fitted her body against his rigid hardness.
Phil was dazed. She felt as if she would burst into flame. She was on fire--a fire that curled in her stomach and moved lower. Desire--pure and carnal--raged in her. She wanted Ben. The look in his eyes told her he felt the same. He drew her to him and she felt his body responding to his desire.
What was she doing? How had she lost control of her actions? How many times had she chided herself for her loss of control since meeting Ben? She was getting tired of her conscience. But the damage had been done. She pushed away from him. "I'm sorry, T. I can't do this...I...I...it's wrong...I need..." Confusion reigned in her expressive eyes.
"Phil, I want you. You want me. What more could you need?" He sought to draw her back in his arms.
"No, Ben. I'm not ready for this!" she whispered through clenched teeth and then shoved him away.
He felt her hands on his chest and the force of her push. He stepped back and met...air. Toppling off the rock, he fell into the freezing water. He shot to the surface. Treading water, he saw Phil peering down at him from the safety of the rock. "T, I'm sorry! I..." and then she laughed.
She had pushed him off the rock. At first he was incredulous, but his mind quickly began plotting revenge. Sweet Revenge! He let that message spread across his face and into his eyes as he swam to the rock. There must be a way up.
"I'm sorry, T." She continued to laugh. He looked like a wet cat. As he swam to the rock she got a good look at his face. The look there reminded her of her brothers after she had successfully pulled off a prank. She knew that look of old and what it boded for her--if she was caught! She sprang to her feet, leaped the distance separating her rock from the ridge, and barreled down its length.
Phil was not a strong runner. She could hold her own hiking and climbing, and, if pressed, could bike. But running, no! She knew she had to outthink Ben because she could not outrun him--even with the head start she had. Reaching the end of the ridge, she glanced back to the rock to see him climbing onto its top. He saw her and waved, then leaped to the ridge. Phil headed into the trees. She knew this area better than anyone did. If she could reach the rock bench that marked the drop down to the lake from the meadow, she knew of several places she could fit into and climb up that a man of Ben's gorgeous proportions could not. The closest such place was just ahead. She just had to reach it before Ben caught her.
She could hear him behind her. He moved through the trees like a Sunday stroll in a park. 'Blast him! Why can't he be just a bit clumsy like the rest of us?' She could hear his voice, rich with malicious glee, taunting her. Renewing her effort to allude him, her ears burned as she made out just what he threatened her with. There was no way she was going to let him catch her.
Through the trees she saw the rock bench. She was almost there; all she had to do was make it across the opening between the trees to that welcoming crevice in the rock face. She was out into the clearing, the rock face close. Half a dozen steps and she would be safe.
She never had a chance. Ben tackled her low bringing her down hard with him on top. The breath knocked out of her, she lay gasping for air.
Sensing her distress, Ben eased his body up and took his weight off of her. "Phil, are you all right? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you so hard. Are you all right?"
Phil didn't bother to answer. As soon as he had removed his weight, she gulped in several lungs full of air and prepared to make a final scramble for the safety of the crevice not three feet away. She readied herself for the last push.
Phil's body telegraphed every thought to Ben. He saw the crevice ahead of him and instinctively knew she had not given up her attempt to escape him. Forestalling that attempt, he flipped her over onto her back and settled his weight on top of her.
Phil worked her hands between their bodies and pushed against his chest. It was like trying to move that rock in the lake.
He grinned that devil's grin of his and complained, "I'm hurt, Phil. You act like I have some kind of contagious disease. I've never been sick a day in my life! Well...that's not exactly true. There was that time...but that's not the point!"
"Get off me, Ben!"
"Why? I find this quite comfortable."
"Just...get...off...me...NOW!"
"That's not good enough, Phil. You know you're going to have to pay for what you did. And besides, I like it just fine right here." He brought his lips to her throat and nibbled at the pulse there. He could feel her swallowing convulsively. "Phil, Phil, Phil..." he moaned and nibbled lower. He felt her heartbeat racing, struggling to keep pace with his own.
She was trapped--trapped beneath a 6 foot plus, sopping wet Mountie! How did she end up here? "I should have known better," she chided herself, "I could never escape TJ or Rob. What makes me think...made me think...I could...I could get..." Ben's nearness shattered her concentration. The nibbles on her throat moved lower and found the sensitive spot at the base of her throat--she couldn't think. Liquid fire flowed through her. She struggled, but he held her captive. He seemed to know exactly what she planned to do next. Phil moved her hands flat on his chest and tried to position her legs for a 'throw.'
Ben raised his head and kissed his way to her face. His glacier blue eyes gazed into hers. "What's going on in that devious little mind of yours, Phil?" He was enjoying himself. "I was going to wait, but I think I'll take my revenge right here--right now!" His eyes reflected his desire for her.
Phil saw the hunger in his eyes. It frightened her at the same time it called to her. She put up a futile struggle as his lips again sought her throat and moved to the top button of her shirt. He nibbled at it until it came undone. His mouth trailed kisses down her skin to the next button. She was frantic, she was burning with desire--each kiss added fuel to the fire within her. She writhed under his weight. She could feel his lean hardness pressing against her. She had to get her legs in position to throw him.
Ben reared up, "Oowww!" There was a startled, pained look in his eyes that was quickly replaced by a look of anticipation. "Gosh darn it, Phil. You didn't have to 'knee' me!" He carefully reached between their bodies and captured her right hand. He grinned and kissed her as he placed her hand above her head and held it there against the ground. Her other hand soon joined it.
She was well and truly trapped--her hands held firmly above her head, Ben's weight pressing down on her, and now his knee was forcing it's way between her thighs. He continued to grin at her then lowered his head to her buttons. She was frantic. Where was the gentle, considerate man she loved? Who was this stranger that was stripping all control from her? She had never been in a situation like this and it frightened her. Yet, this was Ben--her Ben-and she wanted him as much as he wanted her. It took every last ounce of resolve to say, "T, please stop. Ben, please, you're scaring me. Ben, please..."
The nibbling ceased and his face appeared next to hers. "Please, what? What do you want Phil?" The question burned in his eyes along with his desire for her.
How could Phil explain it to him when she couldn't explain it to herself? She wanted him as much as he wanted her. How could she tell him she couldn't give herself to him or anyone just because they had a lust for each other? She needed more than that. And...he was leaving come October. How could she continue to see him--wanting him like she did?
Phil didn't know what it was Ben saw in her eyes but he rolled off her. He looked into her eyes, saw the tears shimmering there, slowly sat up, and drew her into his embrace. "I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't mean to frighten you. I love you. I would never force myself on you." Memories of Blue Cabin slid into his mind. His body shuddered as he tried to contain his raging emotions.
Sensing the turmoil in Ben, Phil held him close as he brought himself under control. She struggled with her own burning desires.
At last his breathing slowed and he buried his face in her neck. "I'm sorry, Phil. You have no idea what you do to me!"
"I think I can guess. I'm not immune to your presence, T. I've never felt the way I feel when I'm with you. You do something to me I can't explain. It feels delicious, but it frightens me."
"Why does it frighten you? You know I wouldn't hurt you."
"I know, T. But what you're asking of me--as much as I want it, too--is something I can't give you. I promised myself a long time ago..." How could she make him understand a little girl's pain growing up with no mother and a father who hated her... loved only by her brothers. She shook her head. No...she would not retreat into her shell. She owed Ben an explanation. "I'm sorry, T. I love you and yes I want you, too. But, we both know that when October comes you will leave me. I'm sorry, Ben. Call me a prude, a moralizing bitch, the 'Ice Queen'..."
Ben placed a finger to her lips. "I understand where you're coming from, Phil. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I should be the one apologizing. I simply can't help myself. My body seems to have a mind of its own. Do you have any idea how many cold showers I've taken since meeting you?"
Phil laughed at the chagrin in Ben's voice.
"It's not funny, Phil," he growled.
"That cold swim didn't seem to do you much good either, T!" and then she had the gall to laugh again.
Ben carefully took her hand in his and pulled her to her feet. Phil leaned against his chest and continued to laugh. "T, you're sopping wet. Cold, sopping, wet. A cold shower indeed! Whoops! Ben, put me down, put me down, now!"
Ben settled Phil's weight across his shoulders and headed back to the lake. Phil had a close-up view of Ben's well-proportioned posterior as she bounced against his back. She tried to squirm loose, but he only held her tighter.
"Ben, pleeaase, put me down!"
"Oh, I have every intention of putting you down. Just not yet."
Phil squirmed around enough to see that they were headed back to the lake. "Where are you going, T? What are you doing?"
"You'll see." There was grim determination in his voice. Approaching the lake, he swung Phil from his shoulders into his arms. With a malicious grin on his face, he waded out into the cold water of the lake.
"Ben, what are you doing? Don't you dare drop me!"
"But, Phil, a moment ago you wanted me to put you down! Have you changed your mind?"
"Yes, T. Just don't drop me in the water!" Phil clasped her arms tightly around Ben's neck.
"I remember the video we watched last week. Do you remember it?"
"Video?!? What video?"
"That science fiction one you liked so much."
"Star Trek? The Wrath of Kahn? What has that got to do with whether or not you toss me in the lake?"
"The antagonist...you know, the leader of the terrorist group?"
"Kahn?"
"Yeah, that's the one. He said something that has stuck with me all week."
"What was that?"
"He said 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.'" Ben stared into Phil's eyes. "And now I'm getting my revenge for being pushed off that rock." With that said he ducked his head and kissed her soundly.
Phil smiled. She should have known better. Ben would never toss her into the lake. She relaxed her grip on his neck. Gazing into his glacier blue eyes, she ran a finger down his cheek. Ben returned the smile...and heaved Phil out of his arms and into the cold water of the tiny lake. A smile of pure satisfaction reflected a job well done.
"You, YOU, YOU...!!! You enjoyed that, didn't you?" Phil sputtered as she found her footing and rose to her feet.
Ben continued smiling and glanced around at the lake and the trees and the mountains in the background. "I must admit to a definite sense of gratification. May I say that the 'wet look' is particularly fetching on you?" He offered his hand to Phil and tugged her into his arms. "Now, I don't want to hear anymore complaints about my wet clothing, or else."
"Or else what?" She just had to ask.
"Or else I'll be forced to remove them. And then I'll be forced to remove yours since yours are wetter than mine are. And...well, there you have it!"
"Have what?" She just had to ask that, too.
"The makings of a scandalous affair. Can't you just imagine the shame, the ignominy? I can just see the headlines now: 'University Professor Corrupts Mountie.' How could you live with yourself after something like that?" A sorrowful expression played across his face as he slowly shook his head.
Phil tilted her head back to look him in the face, "To borrow one of your favorite phrases: 'Oh dear!' I can see your point, Mr. Oh-So-Innocent Mountie. We certainly can't have that kind of scandal around here. What would my brothers think?"
"They would probably laugh their heads off." He smoothed the wet hair away from her face. "What am I going to do with you, Phil?" he whispered in her ear.
"Kiss me," she whispered back. A request he was happy to comply with.
"I love you, Philippe McKenzie. I have tried to tell you that ever since Blue Basin. I love you, Phil, and I want you, but I can wait."
She drew back from him. "Wait for what?"
He only grinned at her and gently drew her to him once more. Only after she was snuggled under his chin and held securely in his arms did he say, "We still need to talk about Canada."
To be continued (?)
Copyright November 1996 by SL Haas
Revised May 1999
Comments are welcome at
durango@ionet.netFraser's Secret
(Book 1)