[A short round figure steps hesitantly from the shadows, her blonde
top-knot shorter than last time... and more tousled. She holds out a
worn sheaf of paper with a triumphant smile...] It only took... [she
checks a date at the top of the paper] almost a year, (blush) but here
it is. The promised next part in my music inspired series that began
with "Blame It On The Mistletoe" and "Shadows".
You don't have to read them first... but it would help (they can be found
on the Archive). And, as promised in "Shadows"... this one
is HOT! NC-17 folks... for m/m relations in loving detail. If
you got a problem with it... there's a little button called "Delete"
that you should use now. TYK.
The Ray here is the original one. I like the new guy, don't get
me wrong, but there is just something about a certain Italian in grey
Armani. ;-) Other warnings... ANGST and unrepentant Romanticism (or
shamltz depending on your view ) What can I say, I'm a sucker for
a happy ending. The characters don't belong to me... I'm just borrowing
them for an extended period of time (hey, they aren't complaining ).
I'm not making any money from this... it's all for fun. The characters
and the songs (more country western AGHHH! Why COUNTRY?!? This time
by Kathy Mattea) are used without permission and no harm was intended
in their use here. Note: offset text with * in front of it are song
lyrics. Text enclosed in // indicate character thoughts.
As always, comments are ALWAYS welcome, send them with "Kender"
in the subject line so they get to me. Thank you kindly for all the
kind words and encouragement. Now, enough of me... on to the REAL reason
you're reading through all this.... [the figure steps back into the lurking
shadows. The shadows shift to reveal a dark Chicago night outside a
rundown apartment building. On the fire escape on the third floor sits
a lone figure staring out into the night. A figure who, before the night
is over will discover that no matter how bleak the path looks...]
A Few Good Things Remain
by Kender
The night was warm but Detective Ray Vecchio sat on the fire escape
sipping his mug of hot tea just the same. If anyone had told him six
months ago that he would actually enjoy the bitter tea that Fraser insisted
on drinking, he'd have told them they were crazy. But then again, six
months ago he'd never thought of Fraser as anything more than his best
friend. He looked back through the open window at his sleeping lover
and couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his lips. How could so much
change in such a short time? Had it only been six months since he and
Fraser had gone from friends to lovers? It seemed like they had been
together forever and Ray had never been happier. //Then why are you sitting
out on the fire escape in the middle of the night swigging lukewarm tea
*alone* if you're so happy?// the voice in his head chided.
A self-depreciating smile chased across Ray's features, 'Why' indeed.
Maybe it was just the unatural quiet of Fraser's apartment. It's not
that there wasn't noise. Even now the sounds of the city engulfed him.
Cars, arguments, the familiar wail of sirens in the distance. There
was noise. But Ray was use to the "noise" of his family.
His brother-in-law Tony's deep snore, the sounds of his nieces and nephews
as they begged for one more story or a glass of water before going to
bed, Frannie listening to the radio as she fell asleep. Those were the
sounds of home. The apartment always sounded so still to Ray's ears.
Not that he would change a thing. He'd sleep in a sound proof room for
the rest of his life if Fraser was by his side. But sometimes the silence
got to be too much, and lately... Well lately, the fire escape had seen
a lot of him, usually well into the night. He wondered why he was finding
it so difficult to sleep, but no answers came. So, once again he sat,
watching the night slowly pass through the run down neighborhood.
Strains of guitar floated up from the apartment below. It seemed
he wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. It was oddly soothing to
know he wasn't alone in his insomnia, and he wondered what would keep
their downstairs neighbor awake so late. The music was soft but he could
make out bits of lyrics if he listened closely. Female voices drifted
up, one was a singer Ray had heard before but couldn't name, the other,
he assumed, was their neighbor. She had a nice voice, at least what
he could hear of it. She wasn't loud, but for some reason, the night
breezes carried her voice up to the landing and Ray found himself sharing
in her nocturnal duet. The music had a bittersweet but hopeful quality
about it. //Has to be Country,// Ray thought, //I wonder if Benny would
know the artist's name. Probably. He seems to know everything else.//
*Eighteen wheels and a dozen roses....
He remembered the first time he and Fraser had bought roses together.
The day after New Years they had gone to every flowershop they could
think of looking for what Fraser called "just the right roses."
They found them in a small shop that Francesca recomended, one rose a
distinctive shade of "Mountie red", the other a delicate white
rose tipped with the faintest touch of crimson. He still wished he could
have seen Elaine's face when she had come in the following morning and
found the two roses lying on her keyboard accompanied by a plain white
card that said simply, 'Thank you kindly'. She had tracked him down
at the end of his shift and hugged him until he couldn't breathe. His
protestations of innocence fell on deaf ears as she told him how happy
she was, for both of them.
Ray looked back at his sleeping partner and smiled. "She said
she knew they were from us even before she saw the note Benny. Did I
ever tell you that?" he whispered. "She said the flowers
gave it away. AND she told me why you picked *that* particular rose
you Canadian sneak. A 'Fire and Ice' rose... she said it suited me."
He laughed softly, "You *said* she'd understand." She had
also told him later, that seeing Fraser's words in *his* "nearly
illegible scrawl that *some* tried to call handwriting" had been
the most heartwarming thing she had received in years. He hadn't told
Benny *that* either, but he had a feeling the observant Canadian knew.
The three had become good friends after that Christmas holiday.
Ray made a mental note to invite the vivacious woman to diner again soon.
She done so much for them, and Ray *knew* he could never repay her.
Elaine had brought them together. She'd helped him see what he'd been
missing for so long. She had become one of their closest friends and
supporters, being there for them as best she could. He knew it hadn't
been easy, but she'd never turned them away. She'd kicked them both
in the butt a few times, but she'd never turned her back on them. Ray
wondered how he'd managed to get so lucky. //And when is it going to
blow up in your face?// a quiet voice in the back of his mind teased.
//You know it's too good to last.// Ray took another sip of the strong
brew in his hands and forced the voice back into the shadows of his mind.
The last six months hadn't been easy. He and Fraser were still
adjusting to each other's habits, each other's schedules, each other's
quirks. Even though they hadn't "officially" moved in together,
Ray spent most of his nights at the apartment now and a good portion
of his things decorated the once spartan apartment. It had been a big
step for Ray. "Did you ever realized how scared I was Benny?
I thought I'd have to choose between you and Ma, between you and my blood
family. I've never been so scared. You were so sure it would be alright.
You *told* me we'd get through it. I couldn't have faced Ma on my own,
and I think you knew it. You sat there, so quiet, so strong. You're
the only thing that kept me sane Benny. Trying to tell Ma... having
to look into that beautiful face and know I was disappointing her. I
was use to that with Pop, but not Ma. I would have broken right there
without you beside me." He remembered his horror at the look in
his mother's eyes. The heat of unshed tears that had blurred his vision
as he tried to rise and run for the door. Anything to escape the hurt
in those eyes. Then Fraser took hold of his hand. Without uttering
one word, his Canadian had made it very plain that he wouldn't allow
anyone to hurt Ray. Ray had never seen those blue eyes so intense.
And he had never felt so safe... or so loved.
It hadn't been easy, but the tension gradually faded, much to Ray's
relief. It probably hadn't hurt that the *man* he had fallen in love
with was Fraser, a man Rosa Vecchio already considered family. After
that first night Ray wasn't sure he'd ever be able to go 'home' again.
Francesca and Maria had come to see them later that week, but they heard
nothing from Rosa. Ray had thought himself disowned until Frannie brought
over the first basket of homecooked food "from Ma". Only then
did Ray truly *know*.
That day Fraser had seen Francesca to her car and returned to find
his lover staring at the basket of food, crying. Thinking that Francesca's
visit had reminded Ray of the tension back "home", he'd drawn
Ray's slender form tightly to him, waiting for the anguish he was sure
would follow. But it never came. Ray had curled into Fraser's arms
with a sigh and smiled through the dampness coursing down his cheeks.
"She's accepted it Benny. She's accepted *us*." Never had
that beautiful smile been so bright. Now Ma sent 'care packages' home
with them every chance she got until Fraser's small freezer was full
to overflowing. They had been accepted as part of the Vecchio family.
Frannie still complained from time to time about the "waste of it
all" but Ray was *fairly* sure she didn't mean it.
*A few more songs from the all night radio
*And he'll spend the rest of his life with the one that he loves.
The thought of spending the rest of his life with the handsome Canadian
both thrilled and frightened him. He knew he wasn't the easiest man
in the world to live with, but then, neither was Fraser.
"Why Ramondo? Why are you doing this?"
"Go away Pop."
"No! Why are living with this Canadian fruitloop? He's almost
gotten you killed more times than I care to count. He's a walking target,
Boy. Get out while you can."
"Maybe I don't *WANT* out Pop! Maybe I'm *finally* happy!
Is it wrong for me to be *HAPPY* Pop?"
The ghost of Carmine Vecchio regarded his son with a look of absolute
disgust in his grey eyes, "He'll never make you happy Boy. Face
it. You'll spend the rest of your life waiting for him to leave."
"Benny's not you Pop." The harsh laugh brought back
unpleasant memories but Ray refused to flinch, his grip tightening on
the mug. He refused to meet his father's gaze, refused to give his father
the reaction he was trying for.
"No. But how long do you think he'll be put off?" Ray's
head snapped up and Carmine smiled, "How long will he want to stay
with someone who won't give him what he wants? You and I both know you'll
*never* be able to give him that last 'step' Ramondo. Why not just accept
it? You were never meant for this kind of life. Let it go and find
some nice *girl* to settle down and raise a family with. Surely there's
*Somebody* who'd have you."
This time Ray did flinch at the tone in his father's voice, "Yeah.
There's somebody who'll have me Pop... and he's laying in there in that
bed. He accepts me. He brings out the best in me. He's my best friend,
my partner, and the best thing that ever happened to me. I *will NOT*
'let it go' Pop. I don't give a tinker's DAMN what you think of me or
my life! You didn't give a damn about me when you were alive so I'll
be *Damned* if I'll worry what you think now. Go away Pop. Go away
and let me live my life in peace."
"Don't say you weren't warned Boy. Sooner or later he'll get
tired of your excuses or your temper or one of a half dozen other things
and he'll leave. Just accept it Ramondo. Accept it and get out before
he can hurt you."
"Go away Pop, just go away." Ray couldn't stop the shiver
that coursed through him as his father's ghost disappeared. Old fears,
pushed away too long, crowded forward and Ray vainly tried to swallow
past the sudden tightness in his throat.
'he'll get tired... and he'll leave... he'll leave... he'll leave...'
Ray bowed his head and finally let the tears fall.
*****************
*I heard a siren late last night
*you must have felt me shiver
*shaken by a wave of fright
*that you calm with a whisper...
"Ray?"
Ray wiped angrily at his eyes, "Out here Benny." He cleared
his throat and tried to regain his composure as his friend and lover
stepped out on to the fire escape. Unable to face Fraser, he kept his
eyes firmly focused on the mug of now cold tea he held tightly in his
clenched hands. He felt a familiar warmth settle in behind him on the
metal stairs as long bare legs were draped carelessly on either side
of him. He could feel Fraser's warmth against his back as strong hands
began to slowly rub his stooped shoulders.
"Ray, is everything alright?"
"Yeah. Everything's fine."
Fraser didn't miss the nearly silent, depreciating laugh, nor could
he ignore the tension in the shoulders under his hands. Something was
most definitely not *fine*. He leaned in closer and pulled Ray into
a gentle embrace. He kissed Ray's ear and nuzzled the short shorn hair,
delighting in the texture of it against his cheek.
*When living leaves my pride bruised up
*I'm fragile as a feather
*When storms of life just won't let up
*you're like a change of weather
*when dust settles on my dreams
*you wash them clean
*like a warm spring rain
The words hit Ray at his most vulnerable. The soft guitar combined
with the tenderness of Fraser's touch was too much, and Ray felt the
tears burn their way down his cheeks yet again. He struggled to stop
the tremors before they started, but it was too late, Fraser had felt
the change. Large, masculine hands pulled him back against the warmth
of a solid chest and Fraser's strong arms encircled him protectively.
"Ray, sweetheart, please talk to me."
Fraser's only answer was a half muffled sob. Without a further
word, Fraser steered his lover off the fire escape and back into the
apartment. He pried the coffee mug from Ray's nerveless fingers, set
it on the kitchen counter, then drew the other man with him into the
bedroom. He sat on the bed and pulled an unresisting Ray into his arms.
He wasn't sure how much time passed before Ray finally spoke, but to
Fraser it felt like years. He wasn't use to this kind of silence from
his usually boisterous Italian.
"I'm sorry Benny."
He kissed a damp cheek and smiled into the bloodshot hazel-green
eyes, "For what Ray?"
"Everything."
Fraser stared at Ray in confusion, which only grew with his lover's
next words.
"Benny, why do you stay?"
"I don't understand Ray."
"Why do you stay... here?"
"Because my 'family' is here Ray. You... your family... some
of the people at the precinct..."
Ray moved from the bed and stood gazing sightlessly out the window,
"No. I mean, why do you stay... with me? You could have anyone
Benny, *anyone* you wanted." Feelings too long suppressed burst
forth is a rush, "You deserve someone who can make you happy. Someone
who can give you everything you want, need,... desire."
Finally Fraser understood. He padded silently to the window and
laid a hand on the slender, stooped shoulder, "I *have* someone
who makes me happy Ray. I have *You*."
Ray wouldn't be distracted. He turned to face Fraser and the Canadian
cringed at the anguish in his lover's beautiful eyes. "No Benny.
You need someone who can give you everything you deserve, not some cynical
Chicago cop with oversized ears and a nose that's too big for his face,
who still has trouble seeing the good in people..."
"Especially himself," Fraser countered quietly.
"Damn it Benny WHY!"
Fraser reached out and cupped the tear stained face with his palm,
his thumb absently wiping at the damp cheek. He searched the pained
face, trying to decide how best to begin. Finally he leaned forward
and lightly kissed the tightly compressed lips, "Why do I stay Ray?"
he began softly. "I stay because I came to Chicago alone and lost
and found a missing part of my soul. I found a best friend who worried
enough about my being alone that he brought me to *his* home and made
sure I felt welcome. I found a friend who stood by me and backed me
even when he didn't understand what I was doing or why, a man who tried
to protect me from the harsh realities of life and made sure I wasn't
taken advantage of. I found a man who loved me enough that when I did
the unthinkable and nearly cost him everything, he still stayed with
me day and night in the hospital as I brooded and tried to recover, never
once saying 'I told you so.' I stay because I found my heart. I found
a cynical Chicago cop who tries to pretend he doesn't care about others,
but who will do everything he can to help someone in need. I found you
Ray."
Ray's hazel-green eyes searched his lover's face, "I don't
understand."
Fraser smiled and kissed the trembling Italian, "I stay because
you're my best friend, my partner and my lover. I stay because *you*
make me happy and I don't want anyone else. I love that 'cynical Chicago
cop' Ray. I love you." Fraser drew Ray's unresisting form into
his arms and kissed the bridge of Ray's nose, "And I happen to like
your nose Ray. It's very patrician. It makes you look very noble."
He kissed the tip of the part in question, gaining a timid smile from
the Italian. They stood in silence, holding each other, drawing comfort
from the bond of love that radiated between them. Ray leaned his head
wearily against Fraser's broad shoulder and delighted in the feel of
Fraser's strong hands caressing his back soothingly. The neighbor's
music floated through the open window...
*like a warm spring rain
*on the roof above
*the way you call my name
*when we make love
*while the world outside my window goes insane
*you're here to remind me a few good things remain
Ray pressed his face into Fraser's shoulder, trying to stifle a
yawn as his body finally relaxed. He felt Fraser's arms tighten around
him.
"Come to bed Ray."
Fraser's voice was soft, gentle and Ray nodded, allowing Fraser to
lead him back to the bed. Fraser untied the sash on Ray's silk robe,
revealing the olive skin underneath. He ran his palms up the lightly
muscled chest his fingers catching the robe and easing the fabric from
his lover's body. Ray shivered as the slick fabric slid off his shoulders
and down his long arms, exposing him to Fraser's gaze. Fraser smiled
reassuringly at the Italian, kissing the sensuous lips as he took the
robe. He eased his tired lover down onto the bed before turning to hang
the delicate garment back in its place on the closet door.
Fraser wondered at the tension in his friend. He knew Ray had been
restless the last few weeks, but he hadn't realized the anguish his passionate
Italian was going through. Even after six months he still had trouble
reading Ray's moods. He was so use to Ray's volatile nature and his
openness about how he felt, that he forgot how deeply Ray could hide
his pain. It hurt to see Ray so upset, so unsure of himself. Francesca
and Maria had told him about Ray's childhood, how Ray had always felt
he had to prove himself to their father... and sometimes still did.
Fraser finally understood how deep the hurt went in that guarded heart.
He ran his hands over the silk, still warm from his lover's skin, and
tried to find the words to reassure the fragile man who waited silently
in their bed, the man who held his heart, that there was nothing he had
to prove.
Ray watched Fraser nervously, his father's words ringing through
the silence like a death knell... //"Sooner or later he'll get tired
of your excuses or your temper or one of a half dozen other things and
he'll leave."// Fraser was so quiet, standing there thinking.
He could always tell when Fraser was deep in thought, the set of the
broad shoulders, the deep even breaths and the hundred other little things
that all gave it away. After three years he'd learned to read the Canadian,
and the six months they'd been together had only made it easier. //"How
long do you think he'll be put off?"// He could feel the cold seeping
into him again and wrapped his thin arms around himself tightly, trying
to force the taunts out of his mind. Even dead his father could reduce
him to an uncertain jumble of conflicting emotions without ever laying
a hand on him. The realization only added to his self disgust. What
must Fraser think of him?
His subconscious mind was only too eager to provide an answer.
Tears of dread and anguish squeezed passed his eyelids, but he managed
to quell the sob that tried to escape his tightening throat. He wouldn't
do that to Fraser, he didn't want Fraser's pity. He turned away from
the closet and the vision before it, trying to steel himself for what
was to come... what *always* came from such a prolonged silence. What
had Ange called it once... the 'calm before the storm'? He didn't know
if his heart could stand this particular storm. //*"How long will
he want to stay with someone who won't give him what he wants? You and
I both know you'll *never* be able to give him that last 'step'.*//
Something within him snapped at his father's taunt and he suddenly knew
what he had to do. "You're wrong Pop," he whispered, his heart
warming as his course of action became clear, "I *can* give him
that. I can give him anything."
Ray eased himself from the bed, his back still turned away from
Fraser. With trembling hands he pushed his briefs to the floor and stepped
out of them. Taking a deep breath he turned to face his lover. Fraser
was still facing the closet, his hand absently stroking the robe he had
removed from Ray only a short time before. Ray hesitantly moved across
the warm room his feet silent on the cool wood floor. He stood behind
his lover, his body shaking, uncertain what to do next. "Benny?"
His voice was timid even to his own ears and Fraser didn't respond.
Ray swallowed his pride and tried again, "Benny?"
Fraser startled, the beloved voice pulling him from his revery.
He turned toward the voice smiling, "Yes Ray?" He was startled
to find his lover standing behind him, naked and trembling. His blue
eyes narrowed in concern, "Ray?"
Ray flinched at the suspicion in those blue eyes. He pulled in
a steadying breath but couldn't bring himself to look at those eyes again.
He focused his eyes on the broad chest and began to speak, "Fraser?"
"Yes Ray?"
"I want you to... to make love to me. Tonight," his hazel-green
eyes finally lifted, "NOW."
Fraser didn't miss the desperation in Ray's voice, or the barely
controlled panic in the too luminous eyes. He reached out and caressed
the thin face, noting the dampness on the warm cheeks. "Why Ray?"
Ray flinched as if struck and pulled back slightly, "Because
yo... because *I* want to."
Fraser searched the stricken face, recalling something Francesca
had once said about her brother, 'He's spent so long trying to be what
he thinks everyone else wants him to be... It's just kind nice to see
him doing something for *himself* now.' She'd been talking about Ray's
relationship with him, letting Fraser know that she approved. He hadn't
really understood what she had meant at the time, but now it was painfully
clear. Ray was willing to do the one thing he feared most... simply
because he thought it was what Fraser wanted. He chose his next words
carefully, "Ray. You don't have to do this."
"Yes I do. I... I *want* to do this Benny... for you. I *have*
to!"
The fervor behind the words stunned Fraser, "No Ray. You don't."
Fraser pulled the trembling form to him, softening the words with a touch.
Ray was ridged against him, the slender body shaking as fear and confusion
raged through him. "Ray," he whispered into the shell shaped
ear, "relax. It's alright."
"No. It's not." Fraser could hear the panicked tears
in his lover's voice and waited to see what would come next, knowing
his lover needed to get out whatever was causing this pain. "I'm
sorry Benny. I'm sorry."
Fraser hugged Ray close, kissing Ray's temple lightly, "You've
said that once tonight already Ray. What are you sorry for Love?"
Ray's arms wrapped around him tightly and his lips pressed frantic kisses
to Fraser's neck. Fraser felt his body responding to his lover's touch,
his manhood swelling, begging for Ray's familiar caress. He forced the
responses from his mind, willing control, knowing that this was more
important. *Ray* was more important. "Talk to me Ray," he
urged, easing Ray back so he could look in those beautiful eyes, "tell
me what's wrong."
The hazel-green eyes locked on Fraser's blue ones, "I don't
want you to leave Benny."
The blue eyes clouded in confusion, "I'm not leaving Ray."
"But you *will* be."
As the shaking hands reached for him once again, Fraser thought
he finally understood. He pulled Ray close, trapping the questing hands
between their bodies and simply holding his lover. Ray was tense against
him, the slender body alternately pushing away and leaning into Fraser's
solid warmth. Fraser was silent as Ray struggled with his inner demons,
offering his support in the gentle pressure of his embrace. Finally
Ray stilled against him with a resigned sob, his face buried once again
against Fraser chest. Only then did Fraser relax his grip, "Ray,"
he whispered, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
"People break promises all the time Benny."
"Have I ever broken a promise to you Ray?"
"No."
"Then why would I start now?"
"I...." Ray shook his head, his lightly stubbled cheek
rasping against Fraser's bare chest.
"Ray, Love, talk to me. What's going on?" Ray tried
to pull away but Fraser held him fast, "No Ray. You're not going
anywhere until you talk to me. Why do you think I'll leave?"
"Because you will." His father's words came to him again,
"You'll get tired of me refus... of my temper or any number of my
bad habits. You'll realize that I'm not what you thought and you'll
leave."
Fraser didn't miss Ray's stumble and suddenly his lover's behavior
became very clear. He kissed Ray's short dark hair, "I'm not going
to leave you Ray. Nothing you do... or *don't* do, will change how I
feel about you... or how long I'm willing to wait until you're ready."
Fraser felt Ray startle and smiled, "I love you Ray, do you understand?
If you're never ready, I'll be satisfied with what we have now because
we're together. *That's* what's important to me Love... *you're* what's
important to me."
"I... I want to do this for you, Benny."
"And you will... someday. But only when you're *ready*, not
because you're afraid I'll leave." Fraser lifted Ray's chin, forcing
the withdrawn detective to meet his eyes. "I love you Ray,"
he said quietly, kissing the tightly compressed lips, "Always."
Ray's arms tightened around Fraser's waist, "I love you Benny.
I just..."
"Just what Ray?"
"I want to give you what you want. I know you've wanted to...
well..." Ray's voice trailed off awkwardly and he felt the heat
rising in his face. He took a steadying breath and said with touch what
he couldn't say with words. He ran his hands down Fraser's back, his
long fingers catching the band of Fraser's boxer shorts and burrowing
under the soft fabric. He cupped the warmth of Fraser's buttocks, pulling
the Canadian's hips into contact with his own. He smiled at the deep
groan the contact elicited from his lover and rubbed his own growing
erection against Fraser's fabric encased one. Fraser's lips descended
on his, claiming him with a passionate kiss that left them both breathless.
"Ray..."
"I want to make love with you Benny."
"Understood Ray."
Ray smiled at the familiar response and kissed the Mountie's full
lips. "You're one in a million Benny, you know that?"
"Thank you kindly Ray. And so are you." Fraser surprised
his lover, lifting the slight man into his arms and carrying him to the
bed. He placed his precious burden carefully on the cool sheets then
lowered himself over his olive skinned lover. His mouth teased and caressed
the warm flesh, nipping the thin skin over the prominent collar bone,
the sensitive spots along the long, graceful neck, all the places he
had spent the last six months learning. He loved the feel of Ray's whipcord
body under his, the way Ray pressed against him, murmuring his name.
He trailed kisses down Ray's neck to his chest, pausing at one nut brown
nipple, taking it in to his mouth and sucking. The body under his arched
and he increased his attention to the pebbled flesh, bathing it with
his tongue until Ray whimpered. Long hands twined in Fraser's hair pulling
him away from his task and up to meet his lover's lips.
Ray kissed Fraser with passionate abandon, losing himself in his
lover's embrace. His hips pressed upward, contacting with Fraser's hips.
"Benny."
"Yes Ray?" Fraser sighed between kisses.
"You're still dressed Benny."
Fraser rolled off of his lover's body to stand beside the bed, "So
take care of it Ray." The blue eyes flashed with loving amusement
as hazel-green eyes studied him in momentary confusion. "Well?"
With a growl, Ray moved. He pulled the fabric down Fraser's long
legs with one swift tug then hauled the Canadian back into the bed.
"I want you Benny," he rasped, "I want *this*."
He plundered the offered mouth, his tongue exploring the moist heat until
Fraser moaned. His hands roamed the strong expanse of Fraser's solid
form, arousing the Canadian with sure, knowing caresses. He pulled their
bodies together, delighting in his lover's obvious arousal. Fraser pressed
against him, bringing their erections together in delicious friction.
Ray's hips twitched upward, increasing the contact and making both men
moan. He wanted more. He wanted to feel that body pressed against him,
buried inside him. The thought shook him, the intensity of the need
surprised him, but he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than
to be possessed by this gentle man. This gentle man who loved him.
He stilled Fraser with a touch and tried to collect his thoughts. Fraser
started to protest, but the look on Ray's face stopped him. He held
Ray lightly, waiting.
"Benny," he began quietly, "I want you. I want you
to make love to me."
"Ray, you don't have to do this."
Ray kissed Fraser softly, "You said when I was ready. Well,
I'm ready." He placed a silencing finger against Fraser's lips
and smiled shyly, "I know I don't have to... but I want to. I want
you."
"Are you sure Ray?"
"What part of 'yes' don't you understand Benny?" he countered
with a grin.
Fraser smiled back. It had been too long since he had seen that
grin on those beautiful lips. Hazel-green eyes watched him, uncertain
in the growing silence. Fraser drew Ray close, kissing away any lingering
doubt before easing Ray down to the mattress. Once again he kissed his
way down the slender form, caressing, teasing, loving, leaving Ray gasping
beneath him. He paused at Ray's narrow waist, nipping lightly at the
golden flesh before levering off his lover's body.
Ray's whimper of protest died as he realized what Fraser was doing.
He watched nervously as Fraser retrieved the bottle of lubricant from
the drawer of the bedside table. He shivered as the enormity of what
they were about to do hit him. His mind flashed images of the brutality
he had seen associated with this very act, the horror surrounding it
that he had seen in his work. Then Fraser turned... the love that shone
in those clear blue eyes drove all doubt from Ray's mind. This was what
he wanted and Fraser was the one he wanted it with.
Fraser caressed Ray's cheek, "It's alright if you want to back
out Ray. You know there are other ways to... be together."
Ray flushed, his body responding to the memories of their times "together".
But he knew what he
wanted, "Make love to me Benny."
"Gladly Ray." Fraser lowered himself to the bed once
more, kissing the hip he had so recently abandoned.
"Fraser."
"It's alright Ray. Relax." He ran his tongue over Ray's
inner thigh, making the detective squirm, "I know what I'm doing."
Before Ray could protest, Fraser engulfed his lover's engorged manhood
delighting in the strangled moan the move drew from his Italian. He
toyed with the heated flesh, his tongue teasing the crown, causing Ray
to arch against him. He captured the narrow hips, holding Ray still
as his mouth continued it's exploration. He ran his hand down Ray's
hip, easing his hand under the writhing body to cup the perfect globes
of Ray's buttocks. He insinuated a finger between the firm flesh, resting
its tip against the tight ring of muscle there. He felt Ray still.
"Relax," he whispered, raising his head from its task long
enough to reassure his lover. "Trust me Ray."
Trembling fingers twined in his dark hair, "I do Benny. I
just..."
Fraser kissed Ray's hip, "It's your choice Ray."
"Don't stop."
Fraser's mouth engulfed Ray again and the slender hips lifted, matching
the rhythm that Fraser's mouth established. Fraser's finger was removed
only to return slick with gel and press against the star shaped opening
once more, seeking entrance. Ray gasped and Fraser stilled his hand
until Ray relaxed. "Ray?"
"Don't stop Benny. Please don't stop."
Fraser smiled and began to thrust gently into his lover's body,
lubricating and stretching the tight opening, delighting in the soft
sounds of pleasure falling from his lover's lips. Fraser stroked and
caressed the responsive body, urging Ray closer to release. Another
finger joined the first, delving deep into the other man's body, finding
the bundle of nerves it sought.
Ray's hips jolted upward, his long fingers tightening in Fraser's
thick hair, "God.... BENNY!" Fraser could feel Ray's body
tighten around his fingers and knew Ray was close to orgasm. He increased
his attention to Ray's throbbing organ only to have his movements stilled
by Ray's slender hands, "No Benny. I want...," Ray's voice
was breathy, shaken and he struggled to calm it before continuing. "I
want you inside me. I want to feel you."
"Yes Ray." Fraser eased his fingers from Ray's body and
urged his lover onto his stomach. Ray moved willingly, raising himself
to his knees and offering himself to the man he loved. Fraser leaned
forward and gently kissed his Italian detective. Ray's tongue slid over
Fraser's lips, delving inside, claiming the Canadian's mouth with his
own. Fraser could feel his own body responding to Ray's need, his manhood
aching to feel Ray's body closing around him... he moaned. "Ray."
Ray kissed him again, his hand reaching up to caress the turgid
flesh between the powerful legs. Fraser's hips pressed forward, pushing
him against Ray's palm, "I want you Fraser. Now!"
Fraser leaned back, took the bottle of lubricant and coated his
erection liberally with the cool gel. Ray watched silently, his eyes
never leaving his lover's beautiful face. He startled as Fraser's hands
caressed his back and buttocks, he searched the handsome face and was
both surprised and reassured by the love and concern he saw in those
bright blue eyes. He relaxed into the touch, welcoming the familiar
warmth of Fraser's caress.
Fraser moved to kneel behind him, stroking the length of Ray's long
back reassuringly. He eased Ray's long legs apart and settled himself
between them, his hips brushing Ray's perfect backside. He parted the
olive flesh with trembling hands, running his finger down the delicate
crease and causing his lover to tremble. He pressed gently against Ray's
opening with his finger, easing more lubricant into the tight flesh.
Ray whimpered and pressed backward into the touch. Fraser smiled and
removed his finger, replacing it with something larger. He positioned
himself against Ray, stilling the Italian's hips with his hands as he
struggled for control. "Relax for me Ray," he urged. "Relax."
The body under his hands stilled and Ray drew a deep breath. "Good,"
he whispered and began to press forward.
Ray whimpered as Fraser eased into his body. He fought to stay
still, to relax as his lover urged him to. It was unlike anything he
had ever experienced. There was some pain, but it was more of an uncomfortable
fullness and Ray knew it wouldn't last. Slowly, Fraser pressed inward,
claiming Ray inch by precious inch. The pain gave way to a feeling of
delicious possession and Ray sighed out Fraser's name. Fraser's body
bent over his, covering him protectively. Strong arms encircled him
and Fraser's passion roughened voice sounded softly in his ears, "I
love you Ray. I love you."
Ray pressed his hips back, welcoming Fraser even deeper into him,
"I love you too, Benny. Always."
Fraser moaned and his tenuous control finally slipped. He began
to thrust into his lover's tight sheath, but even in his passion he was
gentle, giving Ray time to adjust to the newness of their joining, not
wanting to hurt Ray. Ray's breathing grew ragged, his movements jerky
and Fraser knew it wouldn't be long. He reached around the slender waist
and grasped Ray's erection, stroking it in a counterpoint to his own
thrusts. Ray's head lolled forward, his body responding to Fraser's
touch with abandon. He cried out Fraser's name as his body tightened,
the first tendrils of release sparking across his nerve endings. Fraser
increased the pressure and speed of his strokes, milking Ray's straining
erection, drawing the welcome release from his lover's shaking form.
Ray's head snapped back, Fraser's name a broken prayer on his parted
lips as he spilled his seed in hot spurts into Fraser's hand. His body
tightened around Fraser like a silken vice and the Canadian quickly joined
him in release.
Slowly Fraser's breathing calmed and he became aware of his surroundings
once more. He lay against Ray's back, his arms still wrapped tightly
around the slender form. He started to move off the quiet form but Ray's
hands caught his arms, holding him still, "Not yet Benny... please."
"Of course Ray," he whispered. He nestled closer, feeling
Ray's heartbeat against his hands as it slowly returned to normal. He
eased them onto their sides, still joined, and settled Ray back against
his chest. He nuzzled the delicate juncture of shoulder and neck, "Thank
you kindly Ray."
Ray laughed sleepily, "I should be telling you that love.
I can't believe I waited so long."
Fraser chuckled, "It was worth the wait Ray." He kissed
his lover's cheek and was rewarded with a half stifled yawn. He eased
his softening member from it's resting place and silenced Ray's protests
with a gentle kiss. He rose from the bed and headed for the kitchen.
He dampened a towel with warm water from the sink and quickly cleaned
himself, surprised by the aftershocks that surged through him. He looked
back towards the bedroom and smiled at the picture his lover made, sprawled
unselfconsciously across the bed. He rewarmed the towel in the water
from the faucet, shut off the water and returned to the bedroom. With
soft touches he cleaned his lover's body, smiling at the trust Ray's
relaxed posture portrayed. Finishing, he lay the towel aside and joined
Ray on the bed. He drew the covers up over them and settled Ray back
against him. Ray's long legs entwined with his, pulling their bodies
together and Fraser sighed, contentedly. He wrapped his arms around
Ray's slumbering form and soon joined his lover in peaceful rest.
********
A sharp clap of thunder woke Fraser with a start. He realized he
was once again alone in the large bed and started to rise to find Ray.
"He's all right Son. Give him a few minutes though."
"Dad?" Fraser turned to find his father's ghost standing
beside the bed clad in his dress uniform. "Dad," he whispered,
flustered by his father's unexpected appearance, "what are you doing
here?"
"Keeping an eye on you two. Your mother thought you might
need some reassurance." Fraser senior turned to face his son and
flushed, "She seems to think you two might be having some... problems."
His grey eyes darted toward the window and Fraser junior followed the
gaze. Ray stood at the window, his hands moving as if he was speaking
with someone. Fraser started to go to him but his father stopped him,
"He's a good man Son. It might not be the relationship I envisioned
for you, but I can see you love him very much."
"Yes sir. I do."
Fraser senior cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well... that's
the important thing. He loves you?"
"Yes sir, he does."
"Good. Treat each other well Boy." He turned away from
the bed, "He's going to need a lot of love Son, he reminds me of
your mother in that respect. Do a better job than I did in making sure
he knows how you feel."
"Yes sir. Thank you kindly for the advice."
"Thank your mother Son. She opened my eyes to a great many
things... I just wish I learned them sooner." He turned back towards
the bed once more, "I'm proud of you son, very proud."
Fraser studied his father for a moment then smiled, "Thank
you sir... Dad." Fraser senior returned the smile, then with a
tip of his hat he disappeared. Fraser stared for several moments at
the spot where his father had been, feeling more light-hearted than he
had in years. Ray's voice drifted through the apartment and Fraser strained
to hear his lover's voice...
Ray regarded his father with a look somewhere between disgust and
sorrow, "No Pop. I'm *not* sorry. I love him and that's all there
is to it."
Carmine Vecchio snorted and turned his back on his son, "You're
a fool Boy, you always were."
Ray bowed his head, "Maybe so Pop. But I'm my *own* fool.
I make my own choices and I'm not going to let you run my life anymore.
He's the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm happier than I've
been in years. Nothing you say will change how I feel Pop, nothing."
"Then it's on your head," the elder Vecchio spat, "I
hope you're happy."
"Yeah Pop, I am. I'm sorry you don't approve, but I'm not
going to let that stop me. I love Benny too much for that. Go away
Pop. Go away and let me live my life in peace." Ray turned away
from his father, letting the spray of the rain coming through the window
cool his flushed face, "Good bye Pop." He bowed his head,
the familiar feelings of loss and failure assaulting him once more.
Warm hands pulled him back from the window and wrapped a soft towel
around his damp shoulders. He pulled the towel tighter around him as
Fraser closed the window, blocking out the rain. He stood silently as
Fraser turned and began to dry him, the strong hands surprisingly gentle
as they wiped the rain and tears from Ray's face.
"Are you alright Ray?"
Ray regarded the handsome face, feeling his heart lighten at the
peace he found in Fraser's pale gaze. The words of the song filtered
back through his thoughts,
*While the world outside my window goes insane.
*You're here to remind me...
*A few good things remain.
"Yeah Benny. I'm fine... now," he pulled the Canadian
into his arms, needing to feel the reassuring press of Fraser's body
against his own.
Fraser wrapped his arms around Ray's slender form, "I'm glad
Ray." The sound of the rain against the window was oddly soothing
in the stillness of the apartment. Fraser stroked Ray's short, damp
hair, holding him close. He could feel the tension in Ray's body as
it molded to his and recalled his father's words, "Ray."
"Yeah Benny?" came the muffled reply.
"I love you."
"I love you too Benny."
There was a long pause and Fraser felt the tension slowly easing
from Ray's body. He stood, holding his lover tenderly. The words when
they came were spoken so softly that Fraser almost missed them.
"Thank you."
Fraser studied his lover in confusion, "For what Ray?"
"For loving me." Hazel-green eyes searched Fraser's face
self-consciously, "For... everything."
Fraser led Ray away from the window and back to the warmth of their
bed. The towel and two robes fell to the floor in rapid succession and
two forms lowered to the mattress. Fraser covered Ray's body with his
own, his hands skimming the lithe form and drawing quiet moans of pleasure
from the detective. "Understood Ray," he said, capturing one
sensitive nipple between his teeth and nipping lightly, "Understood."
*like a warm spring rain
*on the roof above
*the way you call my name
*when we make love
*while the world outside my window goes insane
*you're here to remind me a few good things remain
A
Few Good Things Remain
by Kathy Mattea
The End
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