Title: First Days Are Always the Hardest

Author: Debbie Hann, October 1999

Ratings: M for mushy, B for baby, and G for everything else

Pairings: Fraser/Thatcher

Teaser: Ben and Meg have to go back to work, but what to do about childcare?

Spoilers: a couple for COTW II, and a small one for Hunting Season

Disclaimer: Fraser and his friends are owned by Alliance; I just took them out and let them play for a bit. I'm not making any profit from this story, etc, etc, etc. Robbie, however, is mine.

Feedback: Yes, please!! Debhann@aol.com

Many thanks to Courser, MagsyB, and Sher for their corrections and suggestions, and for putting up with my angst over mushiness. And special thanks to Lucky13, for all the same things and for living through the comedy of errors of trying to get this to her!

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For Jo no smut, but I hope your foot feels better soon! ok, I'm done talking now.....

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The nanny stood staring out the window at nearly empty streets trying to keep rising excitement and nervousness under control. 'First days are always the hardest,' the new nanny thought with a small smile, and decided that running through the mental checklist would provide an excellent distraction. Changing table, diaper pail, toy box, blankets, crib, stroller, high chair, first aid kit. The baby's father had stopped by over the last several days and brought multiple changes of clothes for his son, as well as a stack of diapers, and had taken the opportunity to emphasize the philosophy that Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. The baby's mother had also toured the facilities. A hair-raising experience if there ever was one. Those eagle-sharp eyes never missed the smallest detail.

The diaper pad was square with the edges of the table. The crib sheets were tucked with military precision. A friendly line of stuffed animals stood at attention. Everything was spic-and-span. Shiny and polished. Dusted. "Great Scot! The duster." The exclamation spilled out in rush. "I nearly forgot to put it away. We can't have that, now can we?" The nanny bustled over to the counter and swept the feather duster into a cupboard. Beaming with pride, the nanny took a seat to wait for a few more minutes.

Meanwhile, across town....

Benton Fraser stifled a slight gasp as he walked into the cheerful room. A wave of pride and happiness swept over him as he gazed at the figures of his wife and his son, making his heart clench in his chest. 'Will I ever get used to seeing them together,' he thought? Robert Patrick Fraser, who had been named after both of his grandfathers, lay in his mother's arms nursing and being rocked in an oversized rocking chair. Her blouse was partially unbuttoned and folded back. A little hand was curled around a bigger finger and was being gently stroked. Only the slight clicking of the rocker against the floor and an occasional gulp from the baby creased the serenity.

"It's time to go."

Robbie's visible eye flicked towards the door where Ben stood and he did that curious little two-footed kick-wiggle babies do when he heard his father's voice, but he didn't stop nursing, or even slow down.

"I know," Meg Thatcher Fraser sighed. She flashed Ben a half smile before turning back to the baby. Raising her free hand, she stroked the round cheek, feeling his muscles working rhythmically under her hand as he nursed with his full concentration. "I just wish..."

"I know, Daisy, I wish we could continue on with just the three of us too, but we have used up our allotted family leave time.

Hearing Ben's private name for her gave her the little spurt of happiness that it always did, but at the moment she was wavering between conflicting parts of herself. The logical RCMP officer knew she had a commitment to return to work, and did miss the challenges of consular work, but another part of her had taken to motherhood with an enthusiasm that had surprised her at first, but that now gave her more joy than she had ever felt before. This little creature in her arms certainly had made life interesting. But then again, so had being married to his father.

"The diaper bag is over there," Meg said, pointing to the other side of the room. Ben's eyes widened a little at the bulging bag. "I put extra diapers, six changes of clothes, five bibs, a sweater, all of his favorite toys, and his special blanket in, along with colic tablets, extra powder, ointment, wipes, Cheerios, and all of our emergency numbers..."

"Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg," Ben said calmly, his voice never changing tone.

"Did you put the baby seat in the car and check that it is properly strapped in place? And where is his Johnny-Jump-Up?"

"Meg." She finally paused for breath. "We are clearly well prepared for the day. We will not be far from Robbie. We will all be fine."

"You're right, Ben," Meg took a deep breath and regained some of her famous composure. She smiled, "We will be close by."

Ben walked the few steps over to his family and stroked his wife's hair. "Thank you for our son. I have very much enjoyed these last few months." As they both looked down at their son, Ben thought back over the last year and a half. He had returned from hunting down his mother's killer and searching for the Hand of Franklin with Ray Kowalski having made a decision; he would not waste any more time hesitating over admitting his feelings for Meg Thatcher. He would not wait any longer.

Finding her at the Consulate was one of the happiest moments of Ben's life. When he and Ray had stopped in at a RCMP station on their way south, they had heard a rumor that the Inspector had taken a special undercover assignment; the panic gripping his insides had eased only when he had walked into the Consulate and seen her upbraiding Turnbull. Later that night, he had pulled her aside and began confessing his heart and his intentions. To say that she was resistant at first was an understatement, but his famous single-minded determination had broken through her misgivings at last, and she had admitted her own feelings. A few months later they were married. Eleven months after that, they became parents.

The RCMP's generous family leave policy had given them each seventeen weeks of leave, and they had taken full advantage of the time to begin bonding as a family. They had also used a block of their accrued vacation time to spend over a month up in Canada, including a couple weeks at his father's rebuilt cabin. Introducing his own son to the Canadian wilderness had given Ben a new appreciation for the raw beauty around him. Fraser thought about the day he had taken Robbie for a walk along the river. They had stopped to sit by the river and watched the water splash and roil over stones and pebbles. Robbie had become fascinated by a butterfly weaving its way between the flowers scattered in the grass and followed the butterfly with his eyes, reaching for it and chortling as it came closer and then flitted away. Dief had stretched out beside father and son, ready to face any possible threat to the little boy the wolf had adopted as his own. Looking out over the vista of glacier-covered mountains, crisp and sharp in the clean air, Fraser looked forward to all the lessons he would teach Robbie and all the lessons Robbie would teach him. It was one of Ben's favorite memories.

But his very favorite memory was of Meg and Robbie sitting on his lap on the porch of the cabin, just cuddling. 'We might not be up to the Vecchio-level of showing affection in public,' but, Fraser thought, 'I'm well on my way to making up for the deficit of touching that marked my earlier life.' A lack of cuddling was not going to be a problem in their children's life, Meg and Ben were determined. In fact...

"One more before we go, Meg?" Fraser asked, a bit shyly.

"A wonderful idea, Constable." Meg said as she stood up, the sated baby in her arms. Ben sat down in the oversized rocking chair; he had made it this size with this very activity in mind. He held out his arms and Meg sat back down on his lap. Robbie's parents both closed their eyes and just sat, holding each other and their baby, while the normally very active infant contented himself with kicking off the light blanket and an occasional arm wave, seemingly happy to let quiet reign for once.

A little while later......

Ben put the car in park and they stared out the car window at the Consulate.

"Here we are."

"Yes. Ben, are we sure this is a good idea?"

"As we have discussed, this plan will allow us to have Robbie in the building with us. You will be able to breastfeed him whenever the need arises. We will be able to play with him on our lunch breaks, continuing and strengthening the bonding process. Headquarters seems quite pleased with the plan, especially since it deals with several problems at once, including the fact in a few months Maggie and Ray's child will arrive and also need care."

"You are correct. Headquarters was quite taken with the way this plan will deal with, well," she paused "the personnel issues that have been a concern at this post. At least we don't have to worry about Robbie enacting any works of fiction at this point."

Both Mounties got out of the car and began unloading the paraphernalia that always accompanies a baby. As they made their way up the steps, they could see their son's nanny standing at the window, looking eager. Once they got inside, they proceeded to the room that had been designated as the nursery. Setting the bags and car seat down, they turned to their nanny.

"Good morning, Ma'am, Sir."

"Good morning." Constable Fraser stood close to his wife, lending his support and strength, and gaining the same from her, but he didn't touch her. He knew she would not appreciate that at the moment.

"We will, of course, be right down the hall. If there is even the slightest problem, we expect you to come and get us. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am. But I am sure everything will be fine, I do have considerable experience with children, and it is my honor to serve you both in this way." Earnest sincerity was the only way to describe the tone.

Ben chucked the baby under the chin and made the puffin face. "Behave, young man." Robbie gurgled back, making it seem that the son was as committed to doing his duty as the father.

Meg shifted her baby up to her shoulder, gave Robbie one last hug, and told herself not to cling. Then she stepped forward to hand the baby off to the nanny.

Robbie went readily into his nanny's arms, blowing spit bubbles and grinning; after all, he had known the caregiver all his life. "Hello, Robbie. I too am excited to start the day. We have a full schedule, including a walk, playtime, and a nap. And I thought we would give baby massage a try. They say it is good for everything from the immune system to flexibility. We could also vacuum the vestibule and visit the Queen's bedroom to talk about the historic ties between Canada and England...."

Ben and Meg backed out of the room, their expressions sad, proud, and watchful all at once. They had work to do, their little boy was happy, and Constable Renfield Turnbull's first day as Robbie's nanny was beginning.

Fin

Copyright Deborah Hann, Oct. 1999

Stay tuned to this Mountie channel for more stories in the Adventures of Turnbull the Nanny: Maggie and Ray's baby is coming.... what sort of mischief will the cousins get into? :^)