Standard Disclaimer: due South and it's characters belong to Alliance. I just use them for fun. Hopefully they will return to their world unharmed and ready for other people to play with them.

WARNINGS: Romance NC17 Consenting sex between minors.

PAIRING: Benton Fraser/Julie Frobisher

TEASER: Fraser learns what its all about.

Originally posted to RedSuitsYou@onelist.com - January 2000.

My take on Amanda's fic with this title on Red Suits You. I couldn't resist and she said I could use the title.

The First Times Are Always the Hardest

Fraser walked along the wooded path like he had done a hundred times before. He knew these trees. He knew the flora and the fauna. He knew every scent and mammal that crossed his path. Normally he found the walk to be a relaxing one, but today he was nervous as hell. He fingered the two small foil packets in his jacket pocket. They felt cool to the touch. He remembered his embarrassment when he had purchased them a few weeks back. But he was sixteen, he was a man. He shouldn't have been embarrassed...but he was.

When he had approached the counter to pay for his purchase, a grizzled old man eyed him up and down. "Ya sure yer old enough for em?" His face must have turned beet red because the old man began grinning. "Yes sir, I'm sixteen." "Ya don't look it boy. But I guess if yer old enough ta be buyin ta things, yer old enough ta use em." He took the money from him and handed the small package back like it was nothing more than a candy bar. The old man smiled knowingly and chuckled as he had hurried out of the store. "Hope ya have fun usin em!"

Luckily for him, he wouldn't be meeting his dad for another half hour. It would give him some time to calm down and hopefully his telltale blush of shame would be gone by then. He had looked in the bag repeatedly before tucking the package in his coat. He was doing the right thing. He was taking the proper precautions. But why did he feel so guilty for what he was going to do?

Now as he headed down the path towards his destination his heart rate increased. He had read every book in his grandparents library on the subject. He knew what to do or at least he hoped he did. He had an idea of what would happen, but the fact that he had never actually done it before... He stopped walking and bent over taking deep gulping breaths. *Great! This is all I need to do is pass out!* He stayed like that for a few minutes until his head cleared.

He stood and continued walking until he came to the front door of a cabin. Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he knocked on it. After a few second the door flew open. "Ben! Come in, it's good to see you." Buck Frobisher waved him into the small cabin as he walked back to a table and sat down. He began writing on some papers in front of him as he spoke. "Julie will be down in a few minutes. I don't mean to appear rude, but I have these reports to finish by tonight. Your dad did tell you we were leaving tomorrow?" "Yes sir, he did." "Good. Would you care for anything to drink?" He gestured towards the kitchen. "Um...no sir. Thank you anyway."

Buck continued writing. "Julie said you're going to the lake for a picnic. It's a good day for it. The weather's perfect. I would go with you..." Fraser panicked for a second. "...but as you can see, I'm all tied up." Fraser sighed in relief. "Maybe you could go with us the next time." "That would be nice." Fraser looked up as he heard light footsteps on the stairs. Julie Frobisher smiled nervously as she walked into the lower level of the cabin. "Hi Ben." "Um...hi Julie." She walked past him and grabbed a wicker picnic basket and a blanket. Fraser rushed over to help her, taking the basket from her hands. A slow blush appeared on her face as their fingers touched. They jumped at the sound of Buck's voice.

"You two have a fun time." They gave each other guilty looks and Fraser quickly glanced down at the floor to avoid her gaze. "Thanks Dad. Um...we'll be back before dark." They walked calmly out of the cabin and took the path heading towards the lake. Fraser tried to relax. He could see that Julie was as nervous as he was. Her hands repeatedly shifted as she carried the blanket. By the time they reached the lake and found the small cove of trees his palms were sweating. Each time he had glanced at her and the blanket, all he could think of was what that blanket was going to be used for.

He stared at her lithe figure as she flipped the blanket open and laid it on the ground. He then stared down at the blanket, his heart skipped a beat. "Ben...you can put the basket down." He jerked his head up and gave her a shy look. "Oh, yeah...sorry." Setting the basket of food down he gave her a questioning look. She looked back at him and then suddenly sat down on the blanket. He sat next to her and they looked nervously at each other.

"So...were you able to get one?" He took a shaky breath. "Yes." Reaching into his jacket pocket, Fraser took the two packets out and showed them to her, feeling his face grow warm. "Two?!" "No...I mean...well...I thought...just in case I messed one up." He could see her relax slightly. "Oh." She fingered the material of the blanket. "I guess we should...start." She slowly removed her jacket and he followed her example. The moment his jacket was off, she scooted over to sit up against him.

He gave her another shy look. "Should we begin by kissing?" She gave him a small smile. "Yes...I guess so." They hesitated as they leaned into one another, their lips brushing lightly together. As they continued kissing, Fraser relaxed. This was something he knew. He'd done this before. It was nice. Soft lips and skin touching. He jerked slightly as he felt her tongue touch his lips. *Don't panic! It's a kiss...a french kiss.* That's what all the books had called it, but no matter how much research he had done on the subject, he could never find out why it was called a 'french' kiss.

Her tongue slid tentatively into his mouth, running over his teeth, exploring the roof of his mouth. Moving his own tongue into her mouth he did the same. She tasted sweet, like mint. Bringing his hand up to her head he pulled her lightly to him as he continued the kiss. She reached out and hugged her body to him, pulling them down so that they lay side by side as they kissed. Rolling on top of her, he took her tongue into his mouth and lightly sucked at it. The taste of her made him lightheaded. Without consciously thinking about it, he gently ground his groin against hers.

She let out a soft moan, sending his heart racing. Her hands worked their way under his shirt to caress his back. Her touch on his skin sent shivers down his spine. He pressed hard against her, but quickly pulled back. *Don't go so fast. Remember what the books said.* Inching a hand under her shirt, he drew his hand across her breast. When she didn't protest, he pushed her bra up, cupping her breast, running his thumb gently across a hardened nipple. They broke off their kissing to stare at each other.

He had expected to see fear in her eyes. He knew that he was afraid as well, but what he saw in her eyes wasn't fear, it was something he couldn't place. As he looked at her face, he saw that she was panting in short breaths, her lips slightly parted, her eyes dark. As her tongue slowly wet her lower lip, he felt his groin tighten painfully. He pushed against her so that he rested between her legs. "Um...Ben...do you think we should...take some...clothes off?" Her voice was a light nervous whisper. She looked as unsure as he felt, but the constant pulsing in his lower regions stopped him from saying no.

Sitting back on his heels he pulled his shirt off and tossed it behind him. Standing over her, he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zipper down. He could almost feel the blood speeding through his veins as he watched her take off her shirt. He was about to pull his jeans off, but he stopped to watch her take hers off first. She had undone them and was pulling them down her hips. His mouth went dry as he spied red silk. She wore red silk panties. *Where in God's name did she get those?!*

Reaching down he deftly undid his boots, pulling them off and tossing them aside. His socks quickly followed. With his jeans still hanging open, he knelt down to take off her boots and socks. Her eyes followed the movements of his hands. He reached up and slowly took her hands away from the jeans and pulled them off of her, letting his fingers trail down her legs as he did it. Tossing them with the other clothes on the ground he stood and pulled his own jeans off. When he looked back at Julie, he saw that her eyes were slightly bugged out as her gaze had shifted downward.

Fraser looked down at himself and quickly brought his hands forward to cover himself. He had a huge erection straining against the material of his boxers. His face turned a bright red as he tucked his head down. "Sorry." Her small giggle made him look back at her. She held a hand out to him. Taking it, he felt himself being drawn back down to the blanket. As he sat beside her, he pressed his hands against himself, trying to contain the object of his embarrassment. "Ben. What does it feel like?" Looking over he saw her teasing smile. She was trying to hide her own embarrassment as well as relax him.

He smiled slightly. "Er...it's...well...tight." She snickered. "I can see that." Placing a hand on his shoulder, she drew him back down so that they lay next to each other. Tracing a finger down his chest, she smiled. "Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are Ben Fraser?" He blushed again. "Are you sure you've never done this before Julie?" She snuggled closer to him. "No I haven't. I knew you wouldn't lie to me, so I know you haven't either. That's why I wanted this. Just you and me...learning together. Like we always have since we were little."

She kissed him, this time pressing her body against his, reaching a hand out she ran it across his chest and down his stomach. He tensed a bit as he felt her hand slide under the waistband of his boxers. Her movements were cautious and hesitant. Not knowing if she would go any further than that Fraser relaxed a bit. He immediately tensed up and gasped slightly when she suddenly pushed her hand under the material of his boxers and gently ran her fingers up and down his hardened length. No one had ever touched him like this before. He resisted the urge to pull away from her when she wrapped her fingers around his erection and began slowly pulling at him. He couldn't stop the moan that erupted from deep within his throat.

Her whisper was hot against his ear. "Does this feel good Ben?" "Um hum." She continued pulling at his length, the smooth skin moving up and down beneath her fingers grasp. With each tug and pull, Fraser felt himself tighten even further. It had become almost too painful, but it was a pleasurable pain. Turning so that he faced her, he slid a hand into her silk panties. If she was going to be doing this to him, then it was all right for him to return the favor. He lightly touched her between the legs. She was moist and hot and the more he rubbed his fingers against her, the wetter she became. They kissed each other and continued their light ministrations, but it wasn't enough for him. He wanted more. Withdrawing his hand from her panties, Fraser rolled on top of Julie once more.

He moved from her mouth and nuzzled his face against her neck, breathing deeply the fresh soapy smell of her. Placing light kisses on her jugular he felt her racing heartbeat. Something about it made his own heart beat faster as well. Not knowing why he did it, Fraser began to bite her neck softly. Just enough pressure to not mark her, but enough to grasp the flesh and lick at it. She tasted like the soap that she smelled of, but she also had a lightly salty taste and some other mixture. He smiled to himself. She was a new mammal to be tracked and cataloged. She let out a light groan as he cupped a breast. Pulling back he looked into her eyes. "Julie...do you think we should..." "Yes."

He had thought that when the time came he would be too embarrassed to take his clothing off in front of her. He had worn bathing trunks in front of her, but that was entirely different from underwear. As he sat back and pulled off his boxers, his eyes never left her body. He felt no shame or embarrassment so great that it would stop him. It was as if he were someone else. His gaze must have been penetrating because Julie tucked her head down and shyly removed her bra. Her hands shook as she began to remove her panties. Reaching a hand out, he stopped her. She gave him a surprised look and quickly blushed as he leaned over her and hooked his thumbs in the waistband of the panties and began to slowly pull them down.

His breathing was heavy as he watched the red silk material slide down her milky white skin. There was something about the contrast of colors that made his heart race. Red. Red silk. White creamy flesh. When he had them all the way off of her, he bought the panties up to his face and caressed his cheek against them as he let his eyes wander over her nude form. She wasn't like any of the pictures he had seen in painting or books, but her beauty was obvious. Small breasts with rosy colored nipples, soft brown hair between her legs. She was a wonderful portrait of innocence.

"God Julie...you're so beautiful. I never thought...you would look like this." She smiled shakily at him and began blushing as he knelt over her. Reaching to the side, he picked up one of the foil packets. His hands shook as he tore it open and slowly rolled the condom on. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that he had done it correctly. He felt a blush rise to his face when he saw that Julie had been watching his every move. Her eyes were focus solely on his penis which stood out from his body. He resisted the urge to cover himself again. If they were going to do this, he would have to stop being so embarrassed. This was Julie. She wouldn't make fun of him or berate him. She had as much experience as he did, which was none.

Moving over top of her, he looked down into her eyes, trying to see if she wanted to stop. He didn't want to force her into this if she wasn't ready. *Hell, I'm not sure if I'm ready!* Julie...are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes. Are you?" "Yes." *I think.* He pushed her legs further apart with his knees and lowered his body down to hers. "Ben...could you go slow? I mean...I heard it really hurts the first time." Fraser nodded his head yes. "I know...I mean I read it...well..." She gave him a small smile and ran a hand down the side of his face. "I know you won't hurt me. You never have."

Keeping his eyes on her face, he used a hand to position himself and slowly pushed against her center. He held his breath as he felt the slippery opening and as the head of his penis moved into her, he fought the urge to shove himself fully in. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. All he wanted to do is push into her, to relieve the ache in his groin. Every fiber of his being was screaming for him to do it. Taking a deep breath, he concentrated. *Go slow. Don't hurt her.* He saw her face tense as he pushed himself further in.

"Julie...you're so...dear Lord..." He moved his hips forward, slipping further into her warmth. He couldn't hold back. He had to do it. Pushing harder, he felt himself slide fully in. He immediately regretted it as her face paled and she let out a small cry of pain. He must have looked and sounded panicked. "Julie?!" He pulled back, only to have her small hands grasp him by the ass and hold him in place. Her grip was tight, her face still pained. "Julie are you all right?" She took a small panting breath. "Yes...just go slow Ben...please..." Nodding his head yes, he pushed back and remained still. He could feel himself pulsing within her. Her tightness wrapped comfortingly around him. How could something that felt so wonderful to him, be so painful to her. It wasn't fair.

Once he saw that her face lost some of it's paleness, he pulled back and them moved slowly in again. Watching her face for any signs of pain, he was disappointed to see that she still was hurting. Her fingernails dug into his back and he stopped. "Julie, we can't do this..." "No! Don't stop Ben!" "But..." "Just do it!" Reaching a hand up she grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled him down to kiss him, while pushing her hips against his. He pushed the thoughts of her pain aside. She wanted to still do this no matter what and the ache in his groin was pleading for him to continue as well.

He began to slowly thrust against her, centering himself on the pleasure he was feeling. Each push into her body...the tightness of her...he didn't know why it felt so wonderful and he didn't care. It was one of those things about life that just was and he didn't question it. He quickened his thrusting, smoothly pulling out and sliding back in. He felt her hands on his back as she tightened her hold on him. Her face was pressed into his shoulder. He needed to look at her. He needed to see her face.

He gently pried her arms from around his neck and pushed her back onto the blanket. With his palms on either side of her head, he looked down at her lips, her face flushed with color now. He wanted to crush his body against hers, grind into her, but he had also read some where that it wasn't something to do. It wouldn't be right. He watched her body rock with each thrust, her breasts moving in time to his rhythm. Gripping the material above her head, he felt a tingling down his spine as his groin tightened beyond what he had ever felt before. He had masturbated and it had been pleasurable, but it was nothing compared to what he was experiencing at this moment.

Tucking his head down against her breast, he stiffened as he came. Waves of ungodly pleasure racked his body as he continued to pump into her. He jerked as his orgasm subsided, leaving him panting and shivering from its aftershocks. He hadn't been prepared for this intense pleasure. There was nothing that he could compare it to. Julie's chest heaved beneath him and he kissed the breast that was before him. "Oh my God Julie...I...it was..." As he looked up to see her face all his enjoyment of the moment faded. There was no look of pleasure in her eyes, only a blank stare tinged with a touch of disappointment.

He gave her a confused look. "Julie...didn't you...I mean...did you like any of it?" She was on the verge of tears as she shook her head no. His breath caught in his throat. *She didn't like any of it? And she didn't stop me?!* "I didn't...you know...feel...it hurt too much." He withdrew slowly from her, seeing her face twist slightly in pain. A wave of guilt hit him as he looked down at his erection. The condom was tinted with blood. He pulled it off and tossed it to the ground. He lay next to her and hugged her body to his, feeling her arms wrap around him. She had felt so good. It was almost a shock to leave her tight warmth. He wanted more of her. But she hadn't enjoyed it like he did. She didn't get to experience an orgasm or any type of pleasure. He bit his lip as he thought, a slow smile made its way across his face. Reading all of those books was a good idea after all.

"Julie." Her small sad voice answered him. "What?" He pulled from her embrace and smiled down at her. She gave him a confused look as he slid down her body. "Ben? What are you doing?" Pushing her legs apart he heard her voice cry out again. "Ben?!" She gasped in shock as he trailed his tongue over her moist center. He could taste the blood on her. From what he had read, he expected it, but the other tastes...nothing was in those books about it. It was musky, salty...several things all at once. It was like the tight feel of her when he was in her warmth. It was nothing like he had ever experienced or expected.

Pushing his mouth against her center, he gently began to suckle at the small nub. All the material that he had read on the subject said this was the most sensitive part of a woman's body. Apparently the books were right, because he heard Julie utter a low moan as she shifted against his caress. Her hands reached down, fingers worked their way into his hair, tugging and pulling at him. Her voice was a breathy whisper. "Ben...oh yes...please..." There was no sound of fear or pain evident in her words. It was more of a begging tone and it spurred him on. The idea that he could do this to her...make her feel like this by his touch...he could feel himself tightening again.

As he continued licking and sucking at her, he peeked up, watching her breasts rise and fall with each panting breath. Then suddenly she arched her back, pushing against his mouth, crying out his name. "Ben! Oh God yes!" He felt her contracting against his tongue as he continued lapping at her. "Stop! Ben...no...oh God stop!" She pushed at his shoulders as she sat up. Moving away from her, he smiled triumphantly. Grabbing her in a hug, he pulled her with him to lay back on the blanket. He looked at her face this time finding her rosy cheeked and grinning back at him.

"Julie...was it good?" He knew the answer by her reaction, but he wanted to hear her say it. Her grin turned to a bright smile as she hugged him. "Yes...thank you." He nuzzled his face in her hair and kissed her neck. "No...thank you." She chuckled lightly as they continued hugging each other. "Ben." "Hum?" "You're...I mean you have another..." He laughed as he pressed his renewed erection against her. "I know. I'm sorry...it'll go away." She pulled away from him and looked down at his penis, a chagrined look on her face. Biting her lip she tried to not laugh. "I would try and do it again, but I'm a bit...sore." "I'm sorry Julie. I didn't mean to hurt you so much."

She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly. "You didn't hurt me. Well...you did, but it wasn't intentional. I mean I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know how much." "Was it really that bad?" "No. I think it would have been worse though if it would have been with someone else." He stared at her for a few seconds and then hugged her tightly, wrapping a leg protectively around her. "You know Julie, they say the first times are always the hardest, but I'm glad you and I shared this together. You're my best friend. You do know that don't you?" "Yes Ben, I know."

They lay intertwined together, watching the cloud float across the bright blue sky. A light breeze wafted over them. Resting her head on his chest, she closed her eyes and sighed. *My best friend.* She felt a twinge of sadness run through her. She wished it were more than friendship. Maybe someday he would see her as more than a friend. Maybe in the future she could find a way to open up his closed off heart and work her way into it. For now she would settle for this. They shared so much of their lives together and now in a way he would always be a part of her. Smiling contentedly, she cuddled against him, pleased to feel his arms tighten around her, a light kiss placed on her hair.

She grinned and traced a finger over his chest. "Ben." "Yes?" "You're not going to tell your dad about this are you?" She choked back her laughter as she felt him stiffen in her hold. "Noooooo!" He pushed away from her with a panicked look on his face. "You aren't going to tell your mum or dad are you?" She paused for a second before answering him, enjoying the look of total fear that passed over his features. She couldn't help it. She began laughing, watching his face turn from scared to relieved. He flopped back on the blanket and let out a deep breath. "Don't do that Julie. You had me worried."

"Don't worry Ben Fraser, your virtue is safe with me. I could never tell mom or dad. Mom would probably start crying about how I've ruined myself and dad would take his pistol out and shoot you. He thinks the world of you Ben. If I ever told him about this he would never see you in the same light again." Fraser propped his head up on his arm. "Julie, do you think we were wrong for doing this? I mean, do you think we should have waited until we got married?" She smiled teasingly at him, but at the same time her heart contracted with hope.

"You want to marry me?" He immediately became fluster, his face turning pink. "No...I mean...Julie..." Her happiness dropped back to the dull acceptance of things as they were. "It's O.K. Ben. We're only sixteen, we're not ready for anything like getting married." She sighed. "I didn't want to wait. I hated not knowing what it was like. Sharing this with you was special. It's something that no one else will ever be able to take from us." Sitting up, she ran her fingers lightly over his lips, watching how his eyes looked her over.

She gave him a small smile. "Are you hungry Ben?" His contemplative look changed to a teasing smile. "I was." Her mouth dropped open and she swatted a hand at his shoulder. "Ben Fraser, you are not a gentleman!" Reaching down, she tickled him, enjoying the sound of his laughter. Things had been getting too serious and she wanted to avoid that. She felt his hands reach out and grab her, pushing her back down. He pinned her beneath him. Laughing, they regarded each other, but their faces both began turning red when they realized that they were still naked and the position that they were in was one that could lead to further...exploration.

To her surprise, Fraser brought his head down and began to lightly suckle at a breast. He felt her still beneath him, a hand gently ran over the back of his head, fingers playing in his hair. Her voice was slightly strained, but it held a teasing quality to it. "Does this mean you're hungry now Ben?" He reluctantly released the nipple that tasted so sweet to him. With a shy grin he moved away from her and stood up. Reaching down, he picked up his boxers and pulled them on. As he continued getting dressed, he watched Julie pull her clothes on as well. Each article of cloth put on her body made each beautiful piece of flesh disappear.

He sighed as he drew his shirt over his head. He wanted more from her than friendship, but she didn't feel 'that' way about him. He had thought that if he agreed to do this with her, that somehow her feelings for him would change. That she would see him as more than Ben Fraser, the boy that she had grown up with. He wanted her to see him as Ben Fraser the man who had feeling for her. He wanted her, but she didn't want him. He held a hand out to her. She grasped his proffered hand and he pulled her up to him, hugging her tightly. "Thank you again Julie." Her hug back was tight and they stood silently for a few minutes before making their way to the lake to wash up.

It was getting dark when he finally reached the small cabin that he and his grandparents called home. Opening the door he stepped into the room, seeing his dad and grandparents look him over. He tensed up. *Can they tell?!* "Ben, you're a bit late." His dad gave him a hard look, but it softened as he spoke to them. "I'm sorry Dad, Grandma...Grandpa. Julie and I were...having such a nice time at the lake. We lost track of what we were doing and then I wanted to see her safely home. Oh...Buck said he'd be by around six." "Six? That's a bit late." "He said he wanted to spend a little time in the morning chopping some wood." "Ah. Well, wash up and take a seat son, dinner's getting cold." "Yes sir." As he washed his hands, he felt guilty. What he had said wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. He didn't like hiding things from his family, but this was special. This was something only he and Julie would share.

Fraser was lucky. Once he sat down dinner proceeded as normal. They didn't know a thing. No one had any idea of his passage from boy to man, sexually speaking of course. He had considered himself a man for some time now. When he was finally alone in the loft that served as his bedroom, he pulled the used foil condom packet from his pocket. For some reason he couldn't bring himself to throw it out. The condom...he had thought about keeping it, but how in the hell would he save something like that? No this little foil momentum of his time with Julie wouldn't disintegrate.

Pressing the packet flat, he took an old journal of his and began to write in it. When he was done he placed the packet between the pages and closed the book tightly. Every feeling and emotion that he had experienced with Julie was written on those pages. And his hope for love from her was placed there too. He knew that like the packet, his love for her would have to be put aside. She didn't want that from him. But as long as she wanted his friendship, he would be there for her...always. Placing the book high on a shelf, he blew out the lantern and lay down on his cot, dreaming of his time with her...hoping for so much more in the future.