Disclaimer: I dont own them *sob* just borrowing them, and giving them a much needed release :P I'll put them back, unscathed, when I'm done playing with them (okay.. well I may want to keep RayK....)

Rated : NC-17-RayK For M/M homoerotic content, if this sort of material offends you, you may want to pass on this one. This story is not a 'Fixit' story, just thought I would drop that warning out as well.

This story takes place just after the events of CotW.

Head Over Feet
by Andre

You've already won me over,
In spite of me.
And don't be alarmed if I fall,
Head over feet.
And don't be surprised if I love you,
For all that you are.
I couldn't help it..
It's all your fault.

Alanis Morissette


It was cold, so very cold. Intermittently, the wind would whip past, the gusts raking icy fingers across the wiry American, but he didn't care, he was warm. Warm from within. Warm for the first time he could remember, in what seemed an indeterminable amount of years. Perhaps, truly warm for the first time in his life.

*Standin' on a precipice, ain't that what they call it? Better let Frase handle that, he is the one that knows all of them big words.* He thought to himself, blue eyes narrowing slightly, shifting, reflecting, twin seas of blue intensity who's color muted and melded with the vast, open cerulean of the Yukon skies around him. *What the -hell- am I doin' here?* A panicked voice rose from somewhere deep within the blond Detective. *I'm gonna die out here, I don't know what the hell I'm doin'!* Another calming voice from within rose through the cacophony of his scattered mind, soothed him, almost caressed his overloaded emotions. It was a voice, that oddly, echoed with the tone and inflection of a certain dark-haired Canadian Mountie. *You will be alright, Ray, nothing will happen to you here, you are safe.*

*Why the -hell- did I agree to somethin' -this- nuts?* The inner question had only one, inevitable answer. "Fraser." One word, breathed as a sigh, a longing, a need expressed in a low aching moan, rising to dance along the twisting arctic winds. Had it been a year? Really a year? *Funny how time flies..*

When Stanley Raymond Kowalski first agreed to take an undercover assignment at Chicago's 27th Precinct, all he had wanted was to escape the chimeras of his past. A new lease on life, a lease on someone else's life, namely one Detective Raymond Vecchio. What he hadn't bargained for was one Benton Fraser, RCMP. Partner, friend, and so much more, at least to Ray Kowalski. So much had changed in that tentative year, as if somehow, the Ray Kowalski of the past, too, had simply been another chimera, one of bitterness, loss, and insecurity. Now there was a new Ray Kowalski, one forged and tempered by a dark-haired angel with a soul purer than.. *Geez, get over yourself Ray* The Detective, well, former Detective, shook his head once, a violent motion who's sole intent was to shake the man back into the present.

These last few days had torn away the remainder of Ray's barriers, the last of his obstacles, and had forced away the final dredges of denial that had been stoically guarding his heart. Oh, he and Fraser had danced around the truth, for so long, too damn long it seemed to Ray now. For a year, he had grown more and more attached to the Mountie, their partnership taking on a thrumming intensity. Instinct and wits, a pairing that carried with it so much potential that any attempts at fathoming it's depths sent the spiky haired blonde's heart and reason heading for the high country. At those times he would force himself to think of Stella, of the intense, searing pain of their breakup, to remind himself of the looming specter of the 'real' Raymond Vecchio.

He'd never truly known just how deep Fraser's relationship with Vecchio had been, he hadn't wanted to go there, to actually -know-. It was easier to hide. Hide behind those sunglasses and his attitude, always keeping Fraser just one step away from him, in order to spare himself, what to him, had seemed an inevitable separation. He could never allow 'Stella' to happen to himself again, for he knew, as surely as he knew now that he loved Fraser, that bearing the weight of a pain like that again would encase his heart and soul in constricting bands of metallic ice. Cause him to retreat into a place he would never be able to crawl back out of.

*I shoulda known, shoulda trusted my instincts.* A good mental berating was something that the angular cop was quite talented at. He'd had a year's practice. Sometimes he wished that he had been capable of Fraser's unique brand of stoic self-control. So many times his words had rushed ahead of him, ahead of all rational thought, tumbling out in awkward moments of honesty, ones he would try and mask behind some nonchalant follow up, "I love you, Fraser.." *Damn what was I thinkin' that day.. hell I wasn't thinkin!* He'd tried to cover it, dismiss it, but he -knew-, that the Canadian would instinctually understand the depth and import of that one uttered comment, Frase always did, it was in his nature.

Oh, he had thought about his feelings for Fraser, his need, his closeness to the man, but it had been friendship. Well, friendship mixed with an odd, vibrant undercurrent of intensity, the never-ending promise of a spark of something more. It scared Kowalski, so much so that his instincts were telling him to bail, as apparently were Fraser's. Then it all came tumbling down, on the Henry Allen. He had conceptualized his feelings for Fraser before that, but they crystallized, transmuted, forked off course and began a slow burn into the realms of desire. "So, like, nothin's changed between us?" He had known that was a lie, the moment it had escaped his lips, and yet... and yet. Still Vecchio loomed in the background, a silent demon that haunted him, the one thing, one man, that he was certain would be the end of his heart, for Vecchio's return, he was certain, would topple all of the dominos of this new life he had found.

Undeniably and with a shocking ease, Fraser had cut through his defenses, changed him. Throughout his life, he had always felt small, insignificant. Even with Stella, he had doubted himself, doubted his abilities, was just a "Chicago flatfoot with experimental hair." But Fraser, in his own inimitable way had taken Ray, a stranger, *I called him a freak.* into his life, and remarkably, the more time he spent with the calm and confident Mountie, the more he began to feel he fit in. For the first time in his life he began to feel equal, with Fraser, Ray was ten feet tall, and walking on air. Fraser appreciated him, knew him, trusted him, in ways that no other in his life ever had, and it only made the inevitable separation that much harder to bear the thought of. When Fraser was gone, who would ever make him feel that equality again, that sense of worth that had started to burgeon and suffuse it's way through his long-battered self-confidence.

When Vecchio had returned, he had hated the man on sight, a flaming sea of jealousy coursed through his veins. He stood, in the background, as Fraser fell easily back into his comraderie with the 'real' Ray. But then, Fraser had surprised him. Four words, four innocent little words that carried behind them so much more. "If you'll have me." Choice made, fears banished, and Raymond Vecchio became just one more chimera of the past. He'd followed Fraser here, to the frozen North, to Fraser's home, and the course of his life changed forever.

All of the hidden feelings, buried so deeply within him were freed, Fraser was -his-, wanted to be with -him-. Pressed together in that crevasse, Ray had honestly thought he was going to die, and surprisingly, it was alright. Fraser's voice rang out in the confines of their icy prison, vibrating through him, through his soul. He had looked up at the sky then, well what small amount was visible above them, and let the soft waves of Fraser's beautiful voice flow over him, and for the first time, perhaps in all his life, he felt at peace, even in the very face of death itself. *We're gonna die* He remembered thinking to himself, as his eyes fastened on the sliver of magnificent blue above them. *But it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm -his-, and now, he is -mine-, even if it is just in these last few minutes, hours.* And that was okay.

"Ray? Ray, Ray, RAY!!" That magnificent, steady voice rocked him out of his reverie then, and he looked over at his partner. *So exquisitely beautiful* He mused, his eyes burning into the dark-haired vision beside him.

"Yeah, Frase?" *Smooth Kowalski, real smooth, aww what the hell.* "Whatcha need Frase?"

"Nothing, Ray, we are here." The Mountie replied in that matter of fact manner that Ray had come to know so well.

"Yeah, well I knew that, I got eyes y'know." He winced as the barb tripped from his tongue unwittingly. The defensive network that had wound it's way around his battered and bruised heart, once again rearing it's ugly head. *Cover Ray, cover* "I was just.. was just.. y'know, takin' in the scenery."

"Understood." Came the predictable reply, and yet he knew, instinctively, that Fraser -did- understand. The small half-smile that played across the other man's lips more then proved that. So Ray just ducked his head down, as if against the wind, to hide the small stain of color flushing to his cheeks.

Kowalski's eyes carefully regarded the cabin rising out of the snow before them with a measured glance. *No doubt it's spartan, but then again, that would suit Frase*. He stole another glance at his friend then, unable, and unwilling, if truth be told, to drag his eyes away for long moments. *Everythin's changed now, Ray. You know it, and Frase knows it.* Perhaps that small thought should have provided some infinitesimal measure of comfort, but instead it only served to fuel his rising exacerbation. He couldn't hide anymore, couldn't deny the inevitable course that their relationship had veered down.

"Come on, Ray." Fraser intoned softly, as he re-shouldered his pack, and set briskly off towards his cabin.

As Ray silently followed, it began to really dawn on him that -this- was Fraser's home, the one place that Ben could truly call his own, and he wasn't certain if that revelation scared, or excited him. *Both., yeah definitely both.* He had never actually seen this deeply into Ben's life, seen this place that had forged so pure a soul. It humbled him, the importance of it, the sense of giddiness at finally being allowed -completely- into Fraser's life. It gave him pause.

"It's probably not much by your standards, Ray, but we are, nonetheless here." Ben rambled, as he opened the door with trembling hands.

As he entered the cabin, Kowalski knew without a doubt, there was no turning back now, no pulling away, for either of them. In silence, Ben began to quickly start a fire, it's flames flickering slight patterns of illusionary shadows across the wooden walls and floor. *It's so -Fraser-* He thought to himself, enraptured for long moments, then a thought hit him like a lightning bolt, searing his senses, his heart. *I should be afraid of this shouldn't I? I mean I never been attracted to a man a before, or done nothin' like this, so why am I -not- afraid.?* And he knew, the answer, like all the other answers was simple, Fraser.

Fraser went about unpacking both of their packs, and Ray leaned himself against the closed doorframe, regarding Ben quietly out of the corner of his eyes, allowing his mind to finally give voice to all the unrequited and buried thoughts that had plagued his mind for so long. *He is so beautiful, not that I ever thought I'd think that about another man.* A small sigh rose up around him, one of unutterable sweetness. *But he is, his dark hair looks so damn -soft-.* A small itch settled in his fingers, a yearning to run his fingers through that silky cap of perfectly coifed hair. *The term 'bad hair day' is a concept that Ben has obviously never had to face.* The thought came unbidden and he ran his own hand through his own spiky, rebellious hair.

*His skin is so pale, so unmarred, like his soul.* Ray closed his eyes then, allowing the wealth of emotions flow through him, not even trying to stem it for once. *And those eyes, so blue.. alert, intense, capable of seeing into the soul of anyone around the man.* A slight tremble worked it's way slowly up his spine, along with a rush of blood that heated his cheeks. *And those lips.. so.. so.. kissable..*

Ben's gaze had fallen to rest on him now, and he was aware of it burning through his barriers. He looked away quickly, but not before Fraser had seen the spark of love and desire that was quickly flooding through the Chicagoan's senses. It was a silent, loving scrutiny that traced it's way along the angular contours of the Kowalski's face, then down the lithe form. Ray's trembling increased. *God this is -it-, I know it..*

He felt that gaze, moving slowly, drinking him in, and it excited him more then he ever imagined anything could. Even with his eyes closed, he felt the weight, and sheer eroticism of those burning blue pinpoints. He felt warmth then, next to him, his senses flooded with the warm masculine scent of Fraser next to him. *Oh God..* His eyes opened, and locked with Fraser's, and he opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words.

"Shh.. Words are for later,.. after.." Fraser blushed slightly as his voice slowly articulated the emotion they were both feeling.

Ray's hand rose, unbidden, the tips of his slender fingers tracing the line of Ben's cheek, unable to stop himself, even had he wanted to, which he most certainly -didn't-. Ben leaned forward, slowly, and covered Ray's strained gasp with his lips. *So warm, so damn warm!* Ray's hand traced along Fraser's jaw, to cup his chin, firmly, then leaned into the hesitant kiss, so trusting, breathing with a life of it's own, a life of unrequited emotion.

Small moans of pleasure mingled, rising like twin purrs from the throats of both men, as Ben wrapped one strong arm around Kowalski's waist, drawing him closer. Flicking his tongue encouragingly across Fraser's lips, Ray pressed his wiry form against the Mountie's strong, unyielding warmth. *Fire.. this is like.. fire.* Ben's lips parted slowly, and sucked Ray's tentatively questing tongue inside his own mouth, and both were seared by the conflagration unleashed by that one hesitant gesture.

A year of want and desperation melted away like snows under the hot, sultry sun of summer. There were no more Barriers. No more Stellas, or Victorias, or Vecchios, all that existed anymore were two beings, one being, -them-. And that was all that mattered.

Fraser was moving then, grasping Ray's wrists and holding them above the man's head, pressing him into the doorframe with his substantial bulk, and Kowalski melted into him giddily, a part of him relieved at Ben's willingness to lead him through this -very- uncharted territory. Every small nuance that made up Ray Kowalski submitted, unconditionally, gave in to this marvel of a man who was doing things to him he had never imagined.

The kisses were blinding, white-hot heat pouring over them, through them. Again and again Fraser claimed his lips, and he was more then helpless to resist. After what seemed an eternity, Fraser pulled away, his eyes boring into his partner. When Ray's eyes met his, he was rocked, his Mountie, his carefully guarded lover's eyes reflected the depths of his soul, of his passion, and it set off tempestuous storms of want and need within Kowalski.

Using his wiry strength, his muscles exploded in a sudden burst of energy, reversing their positions, he now pinning Ben into the wall, trying for all the world to kiss this luscious man insensible. He wasn't hesitant now, and slipped one arm around Fraser, his tongue all the while darting across Ben's, as if trying to swallow him whole, consume him. A low, husky groan escaped Fraser as Kowalski began to nip and suck his way along the contours of Fraser's strong jaw, biting, tasting, agitating the skin there. *This is the most intense thing I have ever experienced* The thought poured through him, and was quickly banished when he felt Ben's strong, supple fingers tug at his shirt, yanking it up and out of his jeans, slipping those warm slightly callused hands beneath it in a gentle exploration of the Detective's chest.

"God wanted you, wanted -this-" Ray breathed hotly in his ear, before biting at it, his own hands working Fraser free of his shirt. He pulled back, then pushed the shirt back off of Ben's shoulder's, then stood breathless, bright eyes drinking in the pale, smooth, muscled chest. *Oh yeah!* With a small growl, he leaned into Ben again, his mouth traveling down the man's throat, along his shoulder blade, licking, tasting, learning. He was aware of Fraser's hands, running sensuously across his chest, fingers stopping occasionally to trail across his nipples, Kowalski was shaking now.

Somehow, they wrestled their way to the narrow bed, never once breaking the contact of skin and mouths, and Ben fell back onto it. With a look of such trust, and inexpressible love, it made Ray's heart and throat constrict, Fraser held out a hand to him, watching him. It was all the invitation he needed, or wanted, and fell onto the bed, next to Ben, his hands firmly pushing Fraser's shirt all the way down off of his arms, before tossing it aside. Fraser's hands, guided by a sort of frantic yearning and curiosity made short work of Ray's shirt, drawing it up over the man's head before tossing it over the side of the bed, in a heap with his own.

Their hands seemed to have lives of their own, tracing, cupping, molding firm skin, as they both quietly, passionately, and reverently explored each other. Ray was enthralled, both by the heat and willingness of Fraser's caresses, but also by his own responses to them, his own need burning like a clarion within him, branding his soul with Fraser's light.

But it was only the beginning. Without an ounce of shyness, they stripped each other slowly of their remaining clothes, their eyes feasting on each other's beauty, consumed by the heady rush of arousal throbbing through both of them. Ray, encouraged by Ben's openness, willingness, began to kiss his way across Ben's chest, hovering over each nipple, nipping, sucking, exploring, reveling in the gasps, and moans rising from his lover's throat.

And then in a minute heartbeat, Fraser pushed Kowalski back down into the bed, his own lips returning the myriad of pleasurable favors that he himself had just enjoyed. Ray was melting, falling, flying, his entire being lifted into new heights of experience, of feeling. Fraser's mouth was like a searing brand, trailing it's way over his abdomen, and lower. He closed his eyes, then cried out with unrestrained passion as that warm wet mouth closed around him, and rational thought flitted away from him. All that mattered, that existed was Ben's heat, Ben's hands, Ben's mouth. His back arched, his own hands traveling down the well muscled shoulder and back of his beloved, one hand snaking at last into silkiness of Ben's hair, fingers clenching and unclenching in the soft mane of dark waves.

Numbed with passion, Ray could only feel. The exquisite texture of Fraser's tongue swirling around the head of his swollen sensitive cock, was almost enough to send him over the edge. *Not yet, no friggin way, yet* His hand tightened in Ben's hair, and dragged him gently up, tongue teasingly flicking out across Fraser's lips, and he was rewarded by a kiss. Another moan escaped him them, he could taste himself on those lips, wanted to taste more of this exotic creature of the northern snows. His eyes locked again with Ben's, and he pushed the Canadian back into the bed, his mouth traveling hotly down Fraser's torso.

Ben's back arched wildly when Ray's mouth closed around him. Soft possessive growls erupted from Ray's throat as he began to explore the thick, hard delicacy in his mouth. *This is so much better then I expected* His thoughts were muddled, unfocused, split between the engorged cock he was making love to with his mouth, and the hot, strong hands that continued to caress him, stroking his back, shoulders, pressing into his flesh, every time his tongue would work it's way around and over the head of Ben's cock. He could feel Fraser shudder, the man beneath him was as taught as a bowstring, and it thrilled him.

Kowalski pulled back, somehow forced himself to surrender the wonderful treat he had discovered. With confused eyes, Fraser regarded him with no small amount of curiosity, and need. All Ray could do was grin, the corners of his lips turning up in the most sensual smile Benton Fraser had ever witnessed in his life, and he shuddered.

"Ray?" He questioned softly, hesitancy flowing through the timbres of his rich voice, a question hiding there.

"Want you Ben.. all of you..please?" Ray's eyes drifted shut momentarily, but when they again opened, the were greeted by the most beautiful sight he had ever been gifted. Fraser's heart was pounding in his chest, Ray could feel it vibrate through their proximity. In the Mountie's eyes, every crazy dream and need Kowalski had ever felt stood bared before him, in those blue-blue eyes.

"A..are..are you certain Ray?" Fraser's voice cracked with apprehension, and want as the question bubbled out.

*Am I certain?* "Yeah Ben, I've never been so certain of anything in my life. I want this.. want you.. all of you." *Did I just say that? Who cares* Before Kowalski could stop to think again, he was met by that glorious weight, pushing him firmly back into the bed. Ben was like an animal unleashed, who had been pent up and denied freedom for far too long, but beneath that, there was the ever-present undercurrent of reverence and unconditional love.

Ray closed his eyes, willing himself to relax as he felt Ben's sure and steady fingers explore the sensitive opening, his back arching up beneath his partner, as two strong fingers gently inched their way inside of him. It was different, he had to admit, but the sensations were so -good-, seeping into his spine, turning his entire being into jelly. He moaned, and twisted beneath Fraser, bucking against him encouragingly, trying to drown himself in the myriad sensations that Ben's fingers were eliciting from him. He wanted more.

And it was granted. After a few long minutes, he opened his eyes, whimpering at the loss of Fraser's fingers inside of him, but then, when he opened his eyes, he had to fight for breath. Ben's cock glistened in the firelight, thick, demanding, impossibly aroused. Fumbling quickly with a tube of lubricant, Fraser didn't allow Ray time to think about such concepts as apprehension and fear, and within moments, Ray could feel the most incredible searing -heat- as Ben slowly eased his way into him, patiently, letting Ray adjust to the sensations slowly.

A positively obscene moan escaped Ray's lips then, as he felt Ben's weight settle against, felt Ben's sock buried inside of him stretching him nearly impossibly. He hadn't known such pleasure, such completion could ever consist. He opened his eyes, watching Fraser, committing to eternal memory the rapture traced across Ben's striking features as he thrust slowly inside of him, stoking the conflagration until it threatened to consume him whole.

His head fell back, and one hand traced along Ben's arm, sought the other man's hand. Instinctively, Ben laced his fingers through Ray's, and their joined hands fell on the bed beside them, Ray clutching wildly to Fraser with his other arm, never wanting to surrender this excruciating closeness. With each of Ben's long, slow thrusts, their fingers clenched and unclenched together, the joining of their hands mirroring the joining of their bodies, their souls. And he knew that then too, somewhere along the line here, their lovemaking had stopped being about bodies, and even about hearts, their souls were merging as surely as the rest of them were, and that knowledge was Ray's undoing. With a longing, keening wail, he surrendered the last of his control, his body shaking violently with the force of his climax, Ben shaking just as wildly over him, joining him, even in this.

There were no words, no thoughts for a long time. Ben rolled onto his side near his lover, and pulled him tightly into his arms, and Ray acquiesced, nuzzling his head into the curve of Ben's neck, his tongue darting out to taste the fine sheen of sweat covering his lover's body. It was salty, and somehow evoked images of the Henry Allen, of Fraser's mouth breathing life into him, even as Fraser's soul had done just now.

When they had both calmed from the intensity of their passion, Ben gently pressed small kisses across Ray's forehead, across the prominent sculpted cheekbones, then drew back, those Blue sea eyes drifting over Ray's body again. He leaned forward, then laid one hand over Kowalski's heart, feeling it's heat and rhythm steadily under the surface of his warm palm. Ray looked up, his eyes meeting Fraser's and he gasped, seeing himself reflected in the depths of that beautiful and pure soul, and fiery heart.

"I claim you, Stanley Raymond Kowalski. I love you. You are mine." His voice was so strong, confident, reverent in the darkened firelight of the small cabin, and Ray felt as though his heart would beat right through his chest, a replete sigh echoing through the silence of the room, mingling with the occasional popping and crackling of the fire.

"And I you, Ben, I have always been yours.." And he knew in that moment that it was true.

Later that night, wrapped around the naked, protective form of his lover, his mind once again traveled back into it's former reverie. *I got everythin' I have ever wanted, right now, right here, forever* As sleep claimed him, one last thought filtered through his mind. *I took Ray Vecchio's life, because I didn't want my own anymore, I wanted a new one, and thought he could give it to me* In the end though, It had nothing to do with Vecchio. In the end, it was Fraser, just as it had always been Fraser, that had offered, and given him that new life. And it was all he would ever want.

-fin-

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