Due South and all of its characters belong to Alliance Communications.

Story page: http://users4.50megs.com/callie

This is for you Ruthie - to cheer you up. Enjoy!

MISSING YOU

By Callie

It was late when Stanley Raymond Kowalski entered his apartment. Closing and locking the door, he didn't bother to turn on the light preferring the company of the darkness. The light from the street, however, insisted in bathing the tiny apartment in a yellowish glow. He sighed as he shrugged off his jacket and shoulder holster, dropping them untidily onto the couch.

He slumped into an armchair gazing distractedly at the blank television screen, his feet up on the coffee table. He shifted slightly leaning his head back against the chair staring up to the ceiling, watching the flickering lights from the street reflect onto the whiteness above him.

It had been a month since Fraser had left Chicago to take up a posting in Canada, seemingly having been forgiven by the RCMP for arresting Gerrard for his father's murder. Ray felt lonely and lost. He missed Fraser. He missed their conversations, the trips they had taken together and the cases they had worked on. Ray smiled to himself; he even missed having his life endangered in wildly bizarre ways. He lay awake most nights thinking about Fraser, and had finally admitted to himself that he loved his friend, probably more than he had ever loved Stella.

He shivered slightly; the thought terrified him afraid that Fraser would be repulsed by him if he admitted his feelings. He wanted desperately to tell Fraser how he felt about him, but was scared of being rejected; the hurt and pain of the past stealing away his courage.

Fraser called him each week, and Ray tried to keep the conversations short afraid that he would give himself and his feelings away. Ray hated himself because he could hear the hurt in Fraser's voice as he made excuse after excuse for saying goodbye quickly.

"Yer a coward," Ray chastised himself as he jumped to his feet to switch on the CD player. The soft strains of gentle music filled the tiny apartment. Ray couldn't help himself as he started to sway his hips in time to the music. He let the soft music wash over his slender body as he danced alone in the darkened apartment. Closing his eyes, Ray imagined that Fraser was in his arms sighing softly as he remembered Fraser's unique scent of leather, pine cones and fresh air. Smiling to himself, Ray continued to dance his imaginary partner around the living room.

Ray was startled out of his dream dance by an insistent ringing. Flipping off the CD player, he moved over to the counter to answer the telephone. Ray hesitated, his hand hovering in mid-air instinctively knowing that it was Fraser calling him. He stared at the ansaphone as Fraser politely left his message. Ray turned his back on the blinking red light trying to block out the feelings that hearing Fraser's voice stirred within him.

"Ya suck," he murmured as he moved into the kitchen area opening the refrigerator door. Finding nothing of interest, Ray slammed the door shut gazing back towards the living room. He closed his eyes trying once again to imagine that Fraser was with him, but the mood and his imaginary dance partner had disappeared leaving him feeling empty inside. Ray wrapped his arms around his slender body. "Coffee. I need coffee," he decided turning towards the cupboards.

Ray rummaged through the untidy cupboards in search of the coffee. "Gotchya," he muttered grabbing for the packet of coffee knocking another box off the shelf in the process. It hit the floor spraying the contents over the tiles. "Damn," Ray cursed turning to the sink to get a cloth to clean up the mess. He stared at the box as he kicked it with his foot - bark tea.

Tears pricked at his pale eyes as he slid down the cupboard to the floor sitting in the middle of the spilled bark tea. Scooping up some of the tea into his hand, he stared distractedly at his clenched fist. Ray surrendered to his tears letting them run unchecked down his face as he unclenched his fist allowing the tea fall through his fingers to the floor. Drawing his knees up, he wrapped his arms around his legs resting his head on his knees. "I miss ya," he sobbed miserably pressing his head into his knees. "Miss ya."

**************

Diefenbaker barked a question at the Mountie. "No Diefenbaker. Ray wasn't at home. I left him a message," Fraser answered as he joined the wolf outside the small store. The wolf barked again. Fraser glared at Diefenbaker before walking over to the sledge to ready the dogs for the journey back to his father's cabin. "No. Of course, I haven't said anything to upset him."

Diefenbaker barked again, the tone unbelieving. Ignoring his wolf, Fraser continued to busy himself with preparing the sledge making sure the supplies were fastened securely. Stepping onto the back of the sledge, Fraser whistled to the dogs and started in the direction of the cabin, Diefenbaker racing on ahead.

After fifteen minutes, Fraser slowed the sledge to a stop. He stared into the distance marvelling at the scene before him. The whiteness surrounded him making him feel safe and secure. It was his one true home, and Fraser knew he should feel happy, but all he felt was isolation and misery. He looked up to the sky; the blue sky of the afternoon had turned to a grey colour. "Looks like we might get some more snow," he said turning to Diefenbaker. The wolf yipped in agreement as Fraser urged his team of dogs forward.

Upon reaching the cabin, Fraser unhitched the dogs, fed them settling them in for the night. Diefenbaker followed him into the cabin where Fraser packed away the supplies. Turning on the light, Fraser moved across to the window to stare out at the snow. His thoughts turned to his partner, and a feeling of disappointment at not being able to talk to Ray welled up inside him. Fraser started to pace the cabin as he endeavoured to push down the other now familiar feelings that accompanied his thoughts of his lively energetic partner. Feelings of love and passion, feelings that he thought Victoria had destroyed.

He had run away back to Canada; away from his chance of happiness afraid to admit his feelings of love for Ray, even to himself. After a month of long lonely nights, Fraser had eventually acknowledged the deep feelings he had for his friend; but it was too late, and he was filled with feelings of despair, loneliness and regret at his cowardice.

Diefenbaker whined as Fraser passed the wolf for the tenth time in his restless and uncharacteristic pacing of the cabin. Fraser looked at the wolf. "Why can't I tell Ray how I feel?" he asked. Diefenbaker wisely remained quiet as Fraser stopped at the ornate mirror hanging on his living room wall. "Because you're a coward. Because you're afraid of loving anyone," Fraser answered himself angrily staring at his reflection in the mirror. "You ran away from him. So you've only got yourself to blame."

Fraser slumped down on the couch staring distractedly up at the ceiling. He smiled as Diefenbaker jumped up onto his legs. He ruffled the wolf's furry head closing his eyes, descending into a restless slumber. His dreams were haunted by visions of Ray grinning mischievously his blue eyes sparkling with humour, of Ray shouting waving his hands animatedly in the air, of Ray teasing him, and of Ray being his friend. Fraser opened his eyes, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. A single tear slipped down his cheek. "I miss you," Fraser whispered into the dim light.

***************

Ray stared out of the small hotel's window, his arms hugged around his body. He shivered slightly as he watched the snow fall covering the ground in a thick blanket of whiteness. On the spur of the moment, he had asked Lieutenant Welsh for two week's leave, hastily packed a bag and left Chicago bound for the Northwest Territories. His courage had nearly deserted him at one point, but driven on by an inner motivation he couldn't explain, Ray now stood in the lounge of the small hotel watching the snow fall. He was startled out of his reverie by Mrs. Beck, the wife of the hotel owner.

"Radio says it's set in for days," she said offering Ray a mug. Ray took the offered mug sniffing at it. "Don't worry dear. It's only hot chocolate," she laughed at his hesitancy. "Thought it would warm you up."

Ray grinned taking a sip of the hot liquid. "Thanks," he said turning back to stare out of the window. "When do ya think I can head out to Fraser's cabin?"

"You're kidding right?" Mrs. Beck said her expression filled with surprise at the question. "Not even the locals would go out in this kind of storm. Let alone a .....," she paused trying to find the right words.

"A city boy like me," Ray finished for her. He handed back the mug shrugging his shoulders. "Guess yer right."

She patted his arm. "The storm will break in a couple of days. Then I'll get my son to take you out to Ben's cabin," she offered kindly.

"But I aint good at waiting," Ray thought to himself, but he nodded at the woman smiling. "Thanks," he said turning back to gaze out of the window. "Which way?" he waved his hand at the window.

"Which way what?" Mrs. Beck asked puzzled at the question.

"To Ben's cabin," Ray persisted.

Mrs. Beck moved towards the window pointing into the distance. "See them trees." Ray squinted nodding. "It's about 15 miles on the other side of the trees. There are two Inukshuk that just happen to point towards the cabin," she answered. "I think Ben's father built them so he could always find his way home."

"Thanks," Ray murmured smiling.

"You're quite welcome dear," the older woman replied. "Would you like me to get you something to eat?"

Ray shook his head. "Nah. I think I'll go to my room. Get some sleep," he yawned. "It's been a long day."

"I can see that. You look exhausted," Mrs. Beck patted his arm again. "You go and get some rest. Call me if you need anything else," she offered.

"Thanks again," Ray said as he headed towards the stairs and his room. Closing the door behind him, he slumped wearily onto the narrow bed staring at the wall. He turned his head to stare out of the window remembering that he had teased Fraser about Inukshuks when one had been presented to the city of Chicago. He sat up. "Come on Kowalski. What did Frase tell ya about the rocks," he screwed up his eyes deep in thought. He jumped up grabbing for his pack. "Oh yeah. They lead lonely travellers along the right path. Way to go," he murmured stuffing some things into his bag.

Opening the closet, he pulled on a pale blue sweater that Fraser had given him for his birthday. Shrugging on his anorak, Ray grabbed his pack and made his way quietly down the stairs. Not wanting to answer any awkward questions, he slipped by Mrs. Beck while she was deep in conversation with the hotel's cook.

It had stopped snowing, but the cold air hit him as he stepped out of the warmth of the hotel. Ray shivered, but a fierce determination gripped him encouraging him forwards as he started to make his way towards the green of the trees in the distance.

**************

Ray trudged through the snow. "This aint as hard as they make out," he thought to himself confidently. On his next step, he stumbled forward into a deep snow bank winding himself. Rolling over onto his back, Ray stared up at the stormy sky. "OK. So may be I spoke too soon," he frowned at his clumsiness.

He lay in the snow for a while trying to catch his breath. "OK Kowalski," he thought to himself. "Pitter patter." He struggled to his feet looking towards the trees. "Move feet," he encouraged as he took a step forward.

After an hour of trudging through deep snow, Ray eventually reached the small forest. Tired, he slumped down leaning against a tree trying to shelter from the icy wind that threatened to take his breath away. Taking deep breaths, Ray rummaged in his pack to find his water bottle; bringing it to his lips, he realised the water had frozen. "Greatness," Ray cursed himself as he searched in his pack again finding his supply of M&Ms. He shivered as he ate his candy feeling chilled to the bone, his legs aching with the effort of walking in the snow. Wrapping his arms around his body, Ray rubbed his hands up and down his arms trying to warm himself. He looked back towards the small town wondering to himself whether he ought to turn back. Ray shook his head, his mind made up; struggling to his feet Ray slowly made his way towards the opposite edge of the small forest.

He squinted into the distance; all he could see was miles of snow stretching out before him. The silence seemed deafening to Ray and he shivered again as he stumbled forwards into the vast whiteness. The snow had started to fall heavily blinding Ray, but he pushed on determined to reach Fraser. He stopped, looking around him disorientated by the falling snow and the stark whiteness of the unfamiliar terrain. He cursed as he staggered forward again falling to his knees. Unconsciously, he grabbed for the stone above his head pulling himself upright. He sighed with relief; in his confusion, he had run into one of the Inukshuk. "Point me to Fraser," he panted. Following the line of the "arm" of the Inukshuk, he could just make out a second stone statue rising out of the snow.

He lurched towards the second Inukshuk. His legs felt like lead, and he couldn't feel his feet or hands they were so cold. An inner strength drove him onwards; he fell forwards into the snow regularly, but Ray hauled himself to his feet each time continuing his journey.

After four hours of trudging and falling in the snow, Ray finally saw a pale light reflected onto the snow - a light from a cabin window. Forcing his weary body forward, he made for the wooden steps leading up to the door.

***************

Diefenbaker whined. "I hear it Diefenbaker," Fraser said getting to his feet moving towards the door cautiously. Fraser swung the door open, his mouth dropping open in stunned surprise; Ray stood on the doorstep his hand raised as if to knock the door. "Ray," he stammered.

"Hiya Frase," Ray mumbled as he pitched forward. Fraser caught his friend before he hit the floor.

Kicking the door closed, Fraser lifted Ray into his arms carrying him towards the couch. Fraser efficiently began to remove Ray's drenched outer layers and boots which were encrusted with wet snow. "Oh Ray. What an earth did you think you were doing?" he muttered to himself as he ran his hands expertly over his friend's slender body checking for any injuries or signs of frostbite. Fraser was concerned to find that Ray's inner layer of clothes seemed to be soaked as well, and his pale skin was icy cold.

Ray began to mumble as he regained consciousness. "Cold," he muttered shivering. "Gotta tell Frase. Gotta go on. Miss.... miss him. Gotta tell him."

Fraser tried to make out what Ray was saying to him, but his friend was rolling his head from side to side murmuring to himself. "Ray," Fraser said hauling his friend to his feet.

"Frase?" Ray mumbled confused. Ray swayed slightly, and Fraser grabbed hold of his friend supporting him. "Gotta.... gotta tell ya," Ray insisted his eyes closing. "Gotta...."

"Tell me later when you're warmer," Fraser soothed as he picked his friend up carrying him towards the bedroom. Laying him down on the bed, Fraser stripped Ray naked discarding the soaked clothes onto the floor. Wrapping a heavy quilt around his friend, Fraser hurried over to his closet pulling out some thick socks and a pair of his red longjohns.

Ray was still mumbling to himself; he was shivering uncontrollably and he had curled himself into a ball under the quilt. Fraser uncovered Ray and placed his feet into the thick socks. He then spent five minutes trying to coax his half conscious partner into the longjohns. Ray squirmed away from him muttering trying to roll up tighter into a ball.

Fraser sighed defeated throwing the longjohns over his shoulder onto the floor. He quickly stripped down to his own underwear slipping under the covers with Ray pulling the slender man towards him wrapping his arms tightly around his friend trying not to be alarmed by how cold Ray felt. Ray unconsciously snuggled closer to the Mountie's warmth.

"The Inukthingy... guided me here," Ray murmured softly. "So... so I could tell ya."

"Sshhhh Ray," Fraser whispered stroking the tousled blonde hair. "Tell me later. Go to sleep." Fraser continued to stroke Ray's hair whispering comforting words as he felt Ray relax into sleep.

"What do you want to tell me Ray?" Fraser thought to himself as he closed his eyes waiting for sleep to claim him.

**************

Ray moved closer to the warm body holding him. "Mmmm. Nice," he thought to himself. He opened his eyes slowly glancing around the room momentarily confused by the unfamiliarity of the surroundings.

"Good morning Ray," a familiar voice said making Ray snap his head back. Ray found himself staring directly into the dark blue eyes of his partner.

"Hi," Ray stammered not knowing what else to say.

"Are you feeling warmer?" Fraser asked politely. Ray nodded blushing slightly as Fraser disappeared under the quilt. Ray felt his feet gently being handled by firm hands.

"Whaddya doing down there?" Ray asked putting his head under the quilt peering into the darkness.

"Checking your feet," came the muffled reply. "And there appears to be no sign of frostbite."

"Oh. Greatness. OK," Ray stretched lazily suddenly realising that he was naked. "Where.... where are my clothes?" he stuttered embarrassed turning bright red despite himself.

"I removed them because they were soaking wet," Fraser answered simply his dark tousled head popping up from under the covers throwing the thick socks onto the floor.

"Oh," Ray blushed again.

"And you seemed reluctant to help me get you into some of my spare longjohns," Fraser continued grinning slightly.

"Oh," Ray said again. "Probably thought.... ya know.... that I'd turn into a Mountie or something."

"I fear there would be no danger of that ever happening," Fraser teased feigning a serious expression, which immediately turned into a broad grin.

"Thanks," Ray grinned back. "I think."

The two men descended into a comfortable silence. Ray couldn't help himself as he snuggled closer to Fraser's warmth. He smiled to himself as Fraser tightened the embrace slightly, apparently unwilling to let go of him.

Fraser shifted slightly. "It was foolhardy of you to venture out in the storm," he scolded lightly. "You could have died out there."

Ray dipped his head down closing his eyes. "Sorry," he muttered. "I just..... just had to see ya. Had to tell.... tell ya something."

"So you said last night," Fraser whispered. "You also told me that the Inukshuk guided you here."

"I did?" Ray said surprised. Fraser nodded. "Well I kinda remember ya telling me once that the Inukthingys directed lonely .... lonely travellers along the right path."

"Indeed they do," Fraser agreed. "But was it worth risking your life for?"

Ray nodded. Opening his eyes, he lifted his hand stroking Fraser's face tenderly.

"I came to .... to tell ya that I .... ya know," he stuttered. Fraser held his breath, his heart hopeful. "Well. Ya know.... I sorta. No not sorta," Ray babbled stopping mid sentence. "I kinda... ya know.... missed ya when ya came back here. Then I realised that...," he fidgeted in the embrace, his hand stopped stroking Fraser's face. "I .... I can't.... You'll hate.... hate me."

"Ray," Fraser said calmly taking Ray's slender hand in his larger one. "Just tell me. You nearly froze to death coming here to deliver the message. I promise I won't hate you," he murmured. "I could never hate you."

Ray took a deep breath. "I love you," he blurted out trying to wriggle out of the embrace away from Fraser, away from the rejection he knew was coming.

Fraser released the breath he was holding smiling broadly. "I love you too Ray," he whispered tugging Ray back towards him. "And I missed you too." Fraser leaned his head forward lightly brushing his lips against Ray's mouth. "Very much."

Ray groaned as he leaned into the kiss. Their first kiss was tender filled with love. Breaking apart, they smiled shyly at each other. Ray flushed slightly. "I never... ya know made love .... love with a man before," he admitted quietly.

"Neither have I," Fraser confessed smiling slightly struggling out of his longjohns throwing them haphazardly over his shoulder to the floor. "But I know I want to make love with you." Fraser kicked the quilt to the bottom of the bed.

"Ya do?" Ray asked running his eyes up and down the Mountie's naked body with admiration shivering with anticipation. Fraser nodded taking Ray's hand, he moved it down towards his penis. "Mmmm. Ya do," Ray whispered as he grasped the hardness running his fingers up and down slowly making Fraser moan with desire. "Me too," he gasped as Fraser began to stroke his matching arousal gently.

"Good," Fraser murmured running his fingers across the sensitive head of Ray's cock making the slender man squeak with delight.

They leaned into each other claiming one another's lips in a passionate kiss, licking and sucking, tongues duelling for dominance. Their hands tenderly caressed the other's body, exploring the unfamiliar territory. Their moans of ecstasy and passion filled the tiny cabin as they claimed each other in love. Still locked together in a passionate kiss, Fraser pulled Ray on top on him gently rubbing their erections together. Ray sighed as a wave of pleasure overtook his slender body, and he gyrated his hips making Fraser squeal in rapture. As their passion rose, both men thrust against each other urgently causing a delicious friction which made both men whimper with need.

"Oh God Ray," Fraser growled as he came long and hard spurting his seed between their sweat sheened bodies. Watching Fraser come sent Ray over the edge; with a last thrust against his partner, he released his semen with a cry calling out Fraser's name over and over.

Their passion spent, they wrapped their arms around each other breathing heavily. Fraser recovered first and reached to the floor wiping them clean with his discarded longjohns. Fraser rolled them onto their sides so they faced each other. He kissed Ray tenderly pulling him back into a warm embrace.

"Mmmm. That's nice," Ray murmured sleepily cuddling closer.

"Are you warmer now?" Fraser asked kissing the top of his blonde head as he recovered them with the thick quilt.

"Oh yeah. Much better," Ray giggled kissing Fraser. He pushed himself up onto his elbow gazing down at Fraser. "Is it.... it OK if I.... I kinda stay. Ya know. Here with ..... with ya," he asked hopefully.

"Oh Ray," Fraser pulled the slender man down into a tight embrace. "I am not letting you go now. Not now you are here with me," he replied. "I want you to stay here with me. If it's what you want," he replied.

"Greatness," Ray beamed. "Yes I do. Wanna stay with ya," he murmured as he claimed Fraser's lips in a kiss. They kissed long and tenderly reaffirming their love for each other.

Fraser broke free. "I'm glad the Inukshuk guided you here," he murmured against Ray's pale skin. "You know Ray. The Inuit have a saying."

"Wow. Go figure," Ray teased shifting closer. "They sure seem to have a lot to say Frase."

"Ray," Fraser scolded.

"OK. OK," Ray conceded looking into his lover's blue eyes. "Shoot."

"I thought I already did," Fraser teased adopting his best innocent expression, but raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Benton Fraser," Ray spluttered incredulous. Fraser grinned mischievously and unrepentantly at his partner. Ray blinked still shocked at his partner's words. He shook his head. "So come on tell me what the Inuit say about the rocks. I know yer dying to."

"That's not all I am dying to do," Fraser kissed the tip of Ray's nose grinning at the stunned look on his face.

"Frase," Ray tried to threaten, but his mouth turned up into a lopsided foolish grin. He kissed Fraser lightly. "So come on. Tell me what the Inuit say. Then we can.... ya know... do some more of what..... what ya want to do."

"Understood," Fraser replied beaming broadly. "The Inuit say: May the Inukshuk be your guide for a safe journey through life's travels."

Ray cuddled into Fraser's embrace. "That's nice. We gotta get one," he murmured. "To guide us through our life together."

"I think that's an excellent idea Ray," Fraser agreed. "Probably one of your best."

"Thank you kindly," Ray mimicked rolling on top of Fraser again. "Now about ya dying to do stuff," he whispered pushing his awakening arousal into Fraser's hip. "No more sayings. Just doing. OK?"

"Understood," Fraser murmured claiming his lover's lips in a passionate kiss.

THE END

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