MY HEART WILL GO ON


Kym Hamilton

This is the sequel to 'Zenith', although it's not necessary to read 'Zenith' to understand what's going on. Its rated PG-13 for no sex but a little violence, and some naughty things are mentioned that children shouldn't be aware of.

This story is based on the idea that Fraser and Ray are partners in more ways than one. If the idea of a man being in a loving and sexual relationship with another man turns you off, then read no further.

Being Australian (G'day mates!!) the only idea I have of American police procedures is what I get from the movies and TV. So, I apologise if the procedure mentioned in this story is inaccurate - I hadn't the faintest idea whom to ask for the correct one.

Disclaimer: Fraser, Ray, Frannie, Ma Vecchio, Diefenbaker and the Riv are all the property of Alliance, Paul Haggis and, now, the BBC. No copyright infraction is intended and I'm not making any money out of this - neither are they! ::smirk::

'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' belongs to Elton John and was used without permission - but I'm sure he wouldn't mind! ::smile::

My apologies to Miss Celine Dion, whose song supplied the title to this story. After seeing 'Titanic', I couldn't help myself.

This story is dedicated to Debbie Kaminski, who helped me even though she perhaps never knew it.

It is also dedicated to a young gentleman named Adrian, who has no idea I write, will probably never see this story, has never seen me, has never heard my voice and only knows me through a friend of mine in Queensland. Still, I know from just two brief emails that I like him and that he is someone I'd be proud to call my friend.


MY HEART WILL GO ON
Kym Hamilton

Fraser sighed contentedly in his sleep. No, he wasn't asleep. It was that state between sleeping and waking where you were too warm and too relaxed to move but not awake enough to be coherent. It was almost like floating.

But there was something missing. Something was wrong. What?

The answer came to him and he sat bolt upright in a flash, the name spilling from his lips in a loud shout - "RAY!"

But there was no reply. The man he had made love with, the man he had fallen *in* love with, the man he had fallen asleep with......was gone.

"Oh, god, no. Oh, god, no." He rocked back and forth against the headboard and mumbled the phrase to himself like a mantra.

Suddenly, a voice cut through his trance and he leapt to his feet, startled. "Benny?"

"Ray...?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Benny?" came the voice again, louder this time.

Fraser cleared his throat and called out loudly "Ray?'

Ray walked into Fraser's bedroom; fully dressed in his favourite Armani suit, silk shirt and tie and said urgently "You'd better hurry up, Benny. You're not even dressed and the Dragon Lady will have your head on a pole if you're late for work."

"RAY!" It was a joyous shout. Fraser was on his feet in seconds and engulfing Ray in a huge bear hug.

"Benny!" Ray protested. "Geez! Get off me, will ya?" Ray was annoyed.

"I...I...I thought you'd left me for good, Ray." Fraser managed to stutter in his joy.

"What're you talkin' about, Benny?"

Fraser pulled back, a confused look on his face. "I woke up and you were gone, Ray. Don't you remember?"

A frown crossed Ray's face. "I remember havin' a cup of coffee with you and talkin' for a few hours and then I went home."

Noticing the look on Ben's face, he added "Why? Did something happen, Benny?"

Ray didn't remember! He didn't remember that they had made love. He didn't remember how perfect it was, how he cried out with ecstasy, how his Italian panther had *tasted* him.

"You really don't remember?" Fraser persisted, hoping against hope.

"Remember what, Benny?" Ray was obviously confused.

Fraser blinked and fought back the tears with practiced skill. Mounties weren't allowed to cry. *Men* weren't allowed to cry.

"You'd better get dressed, Benny. You're already late and if the Dragon Lady is in a bad mood, she'll have your guts for garters."

Nodding, Fraser replied "You're right, Ray. Would you excuse me please?"

"No problem," Ray replied easily, leaving the bedroom as he spoke.

*****

Fraser dressed hurriedly in his jodhpurs, red serge tunic and leather riding boots. He was very definitely late and it was a sure bet that Inspector Thatcher would give him guard duty.

Walking into the consulate after Ray dropped him off, he found his fears were confirmed. Inspector Thatcher pounced the minute he entered his office. "Constable, you are an hour late. I hope you have a good explanation."

"Yes, sir. Well, you see sir, I......" he trailed off.

"I thought not. I'm disappointed in you, Constable. You have proved yourself time and time again to be a dependable officer and I'm sorry to see you slip like this. But, my feelings aside, you *are* still an hour late and I cannot let that sort of tardiness go without punishment. You are on guard duty for the next two weeks."

Thatcher's voice had snow on it and, at her words, Fraser could swear a chill ran down his spine. He hurriedly left the building and took up his post outside - time to defend the consulate once again from tourists, old ladies with hearing disabilities and unruly children.

But, despite the spit-balls, the dripping ice-cream cones and the flirtatious looks from women and men alike, Fraser liked guard duty. It gave him a chance to think. He put his body on automatic and let his mind wander.

Entirely of their own accord, his thoughts turned to Ray. Perfect, handsome, sleek, supple Ray. His Italian panther. His love. His lover. His lover who didn't even remember that they *were* lovers. And how could Fraser tell him? What would he say? 'Oh, by the way, Ray - you and I are lovers. Would you like to have dinner at my place tonight?'

At the very least, Ray would think he was crazy, at the most he would simply beat the stuffing out of him. It wasn't the thought of being beaten up that bothered Fraser so much - he could deal with the physical pain. It was the thought of losing Ray's friendship that hurt the most.

He owed Ray so much. Without Ray, he wouldn't have lasted a minute in Chicago. Sometimes he felt as if he would suffocate in this city. So many people, so many sounds, so many sights and smells. It was a sensory overload and, after two years here, he still hadn't gotten used to it.

But Ray was his anchor. Ray kept him grounded and kept him from going crazy. Oh, he would never do anything crazy in public - at least not what *he* considered crazy - but in the privacy of his mind he knew he would have gone insane without Ray to cling to.

Ray......just thinking his name made Fraser want to smile. His lips twitched as he fought the impulse down. Smiling on guard duty wasn't allowed. But Ray wouldn't be his friend for much longer. When he remembered what had happened that night, there was no way in hell his Italian panther would ever talk to him again.

But then......Ray *had* initiated their lovemaking. Ray was the one who kissed him. Or was it Ray? Fraser had been the one to sing Elton John's "Can You Feel the Love Tonight." So maybe it was *his* idea, maybe *he* had initiated it.

Fraser felt like groaning. His whole world was turning upside down and inside out. His head was spinning and his thoughts were out of control.

Ray didn't *remember*!! Oh, that hurt! He felt it in his heart, in his head, in his bones. It hurt *so* much! And he couldn't say anything. He couldn't tell Ray what had happened, couldn't tell him that his straitlaced, upright, Mountie partner had fallen in love with him.

And what would happen if he did? The same thing that would happen if he told Ray about their being lovers, obviously. Ray would probably beat him senseless.

Then a little voice inside his mind asked 'How can you be in love with this man who would beat you that badly if you told him you loved him?'

'Because that's not all he is. That doesn't even begin to describe what he is. He's got a good heart, underneath that prickly exterior of his. He doesn't show it very often, but I know it's there. I've seen it. Why else would he have spent every waking moment for three weeks in my hospital room? Why else would he have flown across a country to tell me he'd solved my father's murder?'

'Okay, okay, you do have a point.' The little voice grudgingly admitted. 'But that still doesn't answer my question. Why are you in love with someone who would beat you if you ever told them?'

'Because I just am, okay? I can't explain it - it just *is*. It's fate, karma, kismet, destiny or whatever you like to call it. It's meant to be and I know that - I've always known that.'

'I don't know,' said the little voice in a doubtful tone. 'You could be heading for trouble, Benton. Serious trouble.'

'That's a risk I'll have to take, isn't it?'

The little voice was silent.

*****

At 5.00pm precisely, the green Riviera pulled up to the curb and Ray honked the horn. As the consulate clock struck its last note, Fraser moved swiftly, sliding into the passenger seat of the Riv with practiced fluidity.

Ray was worried about Benny. He'd acted so strange this morning and now he was almost deathly quiet. He didn't look too good, neither. His face was pale and Ray could see the bags under his eyes.

Ray didn't like to see Benny this way. He preferred his friend's face flushed with desire and those blue, blue eyes pleading for release......Hang on! Time out! He'd never seen Benny in the throes of passion so how could he know what his friend looked like in that situation. The answer? He couldn't. So he must be just using his imagination, right? Right.

But Ray *still* didn't like the way Benny was lookin'.

"Benny." Ray said quietly, looking at the Mountie.

Fraser stared out of the passenger side window.

Ray tried again, a little louder this time. "Benny?"

Still Fraser's gaze was concentrated out the window.

Finally, in a fit of frustration, Ray yelled "BENNY!"

Startled, Fraser turned and asked, "Yes, Ray?"

"What's the matter with you, Benny. I called your name twice and you didn't hear me. That's not like you."

"I'm sorry, Ray. I was thinking." 'About you,' he added silently.

"What's the matter, Benny?"

"What do you mean, Ray?"

"I mean, are you sick or something? You're as white as a sheet and you haven't said five words to me since we left the consulate."

"Actually, Ray, I've said 11 words to you."

Ray rolled his eyes - a gesture he'd been using more and more often since he'd met the crazy, but lovable, Mountie.

"It's an expression, Frasier. The point is you're acting like a zombie. What's the problem?"

'You're the problem! I've fallen in love with you and you don't know it! You don't *remember*!! What's the problem? Oh, if you only knew, Ray! If you only knew!!'

As Ray looked at Fraser for an answer, he could swear Benny wanted to say something, something very important - but instead he replied, quite calmly, "I'm just tired, Ray. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Ray frowned and said "It wasn't that late when I left, Benny. You should have gotten plenty of sleep."

*That* stirred things up a bit. Ray could see the Fraser was annoyed that he wouldn't leave it alone, but something was bothering his friend and Ray had to know what it was.

"I...I...I had bad dreams." Fraser managed to stutter, going beet red.

'He doesn't lie well,' Ray thought. Aloud, he asked "What was so bad about them, Benny?'

"I don't want to talk about it, Ray." Fraser's tone was curt.

"But Benny......"

"Ray. Just leave it." Fraser's tone was quiet. "Please," he added in a weary voice when Ray opened his mouth to protest.

Ray didn't say another word, and the rest of the short trip was made in silence. But Ray was still worried about his friend and he continued to worry long after he had dropped Benny off at his apartment, after he had greeted his mother at the door to his home, after he had had a shower, after he had eaten his dinner and even after he had gone to bed.

Now he was lying in his big bed, wrapped up in a huge duvet, his head nestled on a mountain of pillows, trying to figure out what was bothering his friend.

Truthfully, Benny had been acting weird since this morning, when Ray had gone to wake him up and found himself engulfed in a bear hug instead. That in itself was unusual - Benny wasn't a touching person. Ray doubted that his Mountie friend had ever been hugged in his entire life.

But a hug wasn't exactly an indication of mental illness...was it? Nah, Ray decided, shaking his head. Benny wasn't mad. He was just......different. Yeah, that's what he is, different. And that's a good thing. The world would be boring if everybody was the same.

Still, philosophizing wasn't going to get him anywhere. He had to figure out what was wrong with Benny.

'Alright,' said a little voice in his mind. 'You're a detective. Look at this logically. Everything was fine yesterday, so something must have happened today. Go back through everything that's happened with you and Benny and figure out what the problem is.'

'Okay.' Ray thought back. 'Well, I drove to Benny's apartment this morning and waited for him out the front of his building like normal. I was on time and, since he usually is too, I was surprised when he didn't show. I waited in the car about 15 minutes and by that time I was starting to get worried.'

'Why?' asked the little voice curiously.

'Because Benny's never late,' replied Ray silently. 'So,' he continued 'I decided to go and see what was takin' so long. I got out of the car, walked up the steps and knocked on Benny's door. He didn't answer.'

'What did you do?' the voice asked intently.

'I drew my gun and opened the door. Everything looked okay, but I wasn't taking any chances. I called out Benny's name. There was no answer. I tried again, and this time there was an answer. I put my gun away and walked into the bedroom...'

'Keep going,' the voice encouraged.

'That's it. He grabbed me in a giant bear hug and damn near squeezed the life out of me.'

'You're missing something,' the voice insisted.

'I am?'

'What did he *say*?'

'Oh. That. He said "I thought you left me for good, Ray." and I said, "What're you talkin' about" and then he said "I woke up and you were gone, Ray. Don't you remember?" - what about it?'

The little voice sighed. 'Sometimes I'm amazed you actually made it to detective, Vecchio. Think about it.'

And then the little voice was gone and Ray was alone with his thoughts.

He tossed and turned, wondering exactly what the voice had meant by that last bit. Think about it. Think about what? The things Benny had said? What about them? Unusual for him, yes, but hardly strange or revealing. Or were they?

"I thought you'd left me for good, Ray." Benny's words echoed in his head. Left him for good? We-ell, that *could* be something Benny would say if he and Ray had had a fight the night before.

"I woke up and you were gone, Ray. Don't you remember?" Well, maybe he'd slept the night at Benny's and the Mountie had worried when he woke up and found his friend gone.

But that *still* didn't tell him anything about what happened that night! And, as far as Ray could remember, *nothing* happened! Which made it even more frustrating. Something obviously *had* happened, but it either happened without Ray's knowledge *or* he'd lost his memory. He didn't know which prospect was worse.

Sighing heavily, he turned over and snuggled against his pillow, drifting off into sleep......

......Two arms reach out, grab a hold of him, pulling him in close. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around the waist of the person holding him. His erection flares between their bodies, fluid leaking from the tip. A hand reaches for him......

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

The harsh buzzing of the alarm interrupted Ray's dream and he sat bolt upright in bed, face flushed and sweat adding an unhealthy shine to his face.

Groaning, he sat up and covered his face with both hands, unsettled and uncertain in the face of a dream that seemed more real than life itself.

He stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. It was too early for Frannie to be up, so he had the shower to himself for another hour at least. Stripping off his pajamas, he stepped into the cubicle and turned on the shower full blast. Standing blissfully under the steaming hot spray, he sighed as the hot water washed over his body and cleansed away the remnants of the dream.

As he relaxed under the steaming water, he began to hum. What the hell?! Ray didn't even recognise the tune - but it played over and over in his mind. 'Daaaa da da da daaaa da da...' What in the hell was it?

The tune continued to play in his mind after he'd gotten out of the shower, all the while he was dressing, and all the way to Benny's apartment.

The minute he pulled up in front of the Mountie's dingy apartment building, the tune stopped and he breathed a sigh of relief. He tooted the horn and waited.

*****

Up in apartment 3J, Fraser heard the horn toot and knew he should get out of bed, knew he should get dressed, knew he should go to work. But he couldn't face it - couldn't face life without Ray.

He could have - could have if he hadn't......hadn't known what it was like to hold Ray in his arms, hadn't realised how much his best friend meant to him, hadn't fallen in love with him, hadn't consummated that love and hadn't known what it was like to fall asleep with Ray in his arms.

If they had just stayed best friends, if they hadn't crossed that final border, then Fraser could face life. He could have made do with Ray just being his best friend and seeing that well-loved face every day. But now......it was impossible. Impossible.

Then he heard footsteps on the stairs. The steady 'clunk, clunk, clunk' of Ray's expensive shoes coming down, one after the other, on the rusted metal stairs of the apartment building.

He listened as the footsteps changed when they hit the wooden floor and when they stopped in front of his door. He heard the knock. He heard Ray's voice call out "Benny? Hey, Benny? You in there?"

He listened as Ray cautiously opened the door - he heard the long creak as Ray slowly eased the door open. "Benny?" Ray's voice called him again.

He couldn't answer. He just didn't care anymore. His heart was about to break in half.

Then......

'Oh, grow up. Hearts don't break, whatever those ridiculous romantics say.'

The little voice was back with a vengeance.

'You bet I am. Now get up off this bed, put on your uniform and go to work. Moping around here all day won't change a thing.'

'I *can't*. Don't you understand? I *can't*. I can't face life without Ray. If it hadn't happened, if I hadn't learned what it meant to make to love with him and to fall asleep with him, then maybe things would be different. But now - it's all changed. I *can't* go on like this.'

'Nonsense,' stated the little voice matter-of-factly. 'You *can* go on, and you will. Ray will remember what happened and things will be alright. I know they will. You just have to hold on.'

'Hold on? Hold on?! I can barely summon the energy to get out of this bed, let alone face Ray, and you want me to hold on?! Are you insane, or what?'

'No, Benton. I'm not insane. I'm a part of you, and you're not insane, so how can I be? Trust me, Benton. Trust yourself. You *never* give up - now's not the time to start.'

'Oh, all right,' replied Fraser petulantly. 'I'll get up and go to work.'

'Good,' said the voice, sounding smugly satisfied.

"Benny?" came Ray's voice again, louder this time.

"I'm in here, Ray. I'll be right out."

"Okay," Ray called back. Fraser didn't miss the note of relief in his best friend's voice.

He dressed hurriedly and together, he and Ray raced down the stairs and jumped into the Riv. Ray gunned the engine and took off with a squealing of tires.

After a frantic drive through Chicago traffic, missing several stop signs and running at least three red lights, Ray brought his beloved Riv to a halt outside the Chicago consulate just as the consular clock struck nine.

Fraser practically leapt out of the Riv and was standing at attention in front of the Consulate just as the clock struck its last note.

Ray grinned and tooted the horn as he pulled away and headed for the 27th precinct.

*****

Driving frantically through Chicago traffic (where your basic 'Driver's Ed 101' becomes 'Driver's Self Defence Ed 101') Ray heard that tune again. Damn! It simply wouldn't go away.

It haunted him all day. He hummed it while he was catching up on the paperwork, while he was eating lunch and, to his shame, he even found himself humming it while arresting a perp on burglary charges. It was too much!!

'Are you *sure* you're a detective, Vecchio?' asked that little voice.

'What is it this time?' Ray shot back, his mood turning blacker by the minute.

'Maybe if you identify that tune, you might have a clue as to what is going on with Benny,' the voice suggested.

'Okay, okay. I'll see what I can do, alright?'

'Good.' The little voice sounded extremely smug.

Ray resisted the impulse to say something nasty and got into the Riv, hauling the perp in after him. The would-be burglar protested with "Hey, man!! Ease up a bit, will ya?"

Ray only shot the man a glare that would have melted steel. The perp wisely decided to shut-up and then got to hang on for his life as Ray careened through the streets of the Windy City at breakneck speeds.

After dropping the perp off at the station, Ray drove to the nearest music store and approached the clerk. Sitting behind the counter, the clerk was a pretty girl Ray judged to be in her early twenties. She had long blond hair, blue eyes and a killer smile. In her presence, Ray switched from his "tough cop with an attitude to match" persona, to his "charmer with a heart of gold" one.

Ray could be very sweet when he wished to be. His only trouble? He usually only 'wished to be' in the presence of a beautiful woman.

The girl behind the counter had a name tag that read "Julie"

"Can I help you?" she asked, smiling politely.

"Yeah. I've got this problem. I figure maybe you can help." Ray stated, flashing Julie his best grin.

"Certainly, sir," Julie replied cheerfully. "What seems to be the problem."

"Well," said Ray, leaning forward confidentially, "I've got this tune stuck in my mind. You know how, when you hear a song, and sometimes it sticks?"

Julie nodded encouragingly.

"Okay. See, the trouble is, I don't know what the tune is called or even who's singing and I was wondering if you could identify it."

Ray hummed the first few bars and Julie smiled brightly in recognition.

"That song is called 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight?' sir. It's by Elton John."

"No kidding?" Ray favoured Julie with a look of disbelief.

"We have it at as a single, sir, if you'd like to purchase a copy," she offered.

"Thanks. I'd like that."

Julie wrapped up the CD and rang up the price on the till. Ray paid for his purchase and went home, determined to listen to the CD as soon as possible.

The minute he walked through the door, however, he heard his mother's voice call "Raimondo? Is that you?"

"Yeah, its me Ma."

"Thank goodness, Raimondo! I've been trying to call you, caro. Your sister's in trouble."

Ray sighed. "What's happened to Frannie this time? She had another sleazebag boyfriend dump her?"

"Do not speak ill of your sister like that, Raimondo. She has...has..." Mrs Vecchio faltered.

"Has what, Ma?"

Mrs Vecchio burst into tears. "She's been arrested, caro!! My baby has been arrested!"

Ray gathered his mother's plump form into a comforting embrace and asked gently "What's she been arrested for, Ma?"

He barely heard her when she whispered, her face red with shame, "Prostitution."

Gently rocking his mother back and forth, Ray swore extensively in the privacy of his mind. He knew it couldn't be true - Frannie was a twit, but she wasn't a hooker. That much was certain. She must have been arrested by mistake.

Holding his mother by her shoulders, he gently drew himself back to look into her eyes. "What precinct are they holding her at, Ma?"

"The 15th," she replied, a bit calmer now.

"Okay, Ma. I'm gonna go down there and straighten this out. You get yourself cleaned up and then maybe you should whip up a batch of those cookies Frannie likes so much. She's gonna be bummed when she gets home and it might cheer her up. Whaddya think?"

"That's a good idea, caro. Off you go, then." She angled her face and Ray, taking the hint, kissed her on the cheek before grabbing his coat and heading out to the Riv.

He drove frantically, weaving in and out of traffic like a quarterback heading for the winning touchdown.

Arriving at the 15th Precinct, Ray stalked inside, boiling with a cold rage. He walked up to the front desk and stated bluntly "I'm here to pick up Francesca Vecchio."

The desk sergeant looked up from her paperwork and said flatly "Talk to Detective Michaelson. He's in the squad room." She pointed a finger vaguely and Ray stalked away. He figured the layout was probably basically the same as his precinct and he proved to be right.

Entering the squad room, he called out loudly "Anyone here called Michaelson?"

"I'm Detective Michaelson. How can I help you?"

The speaker was a tall man, over six foot. He was black, with brown eyes and no hair. Ray noticed a tattoo on his left arm, exposed where he'd rolled his shirt sleeves up. An oriental dragon.

"I would like Francesca Vecchio out of whatever cell you've got her in, please." The words were cordial, but Ray's tone was not.

"And who might you be?"

Detective Michaelson was almost as polite as Benny, Ray thought. Aloud, he replied "I'm her brother."

"May I see some identification, please?"

Oh, this guy would definitely win a politeness award - but Benny was still reigning champion.

Ray had been feeling testy all day. He was annoyed, upset, frustrated, furious, uptight, stressed out and was about to slug the next person who looked at him cross-eyed. Controlling his temper with effort, he pulled out his gold shield and waved it in Michaelson's face. "Vecchio. Detective. Twenty-seventh Precinct," he snapped.

There was dead silence. All the chatter in the squad room ceased instantaneously. Michaelson's eyes widened briefly, but he kept his composure and didn't break his ground. He murmured "If you'll follow me, please?"

Ray followed Michaelson out to the front desk where the big cop gave orders to the sergeant to have Francesca Vecchio released on bail. Ray filled out the usual forms, paid the money, and waited at the front desk while Francesca was released.

When she saw him, she practically flew across the room and jumped into his arms.

Clasping her tight, Ray said cheekily "Hey, kiddo. You ready to get out of here?"

"Definitely," Francesca stated emphatically. "This place smells worse than a sewer and they confiscated my make-up case."

"As terrible a punishment as there ever was, huh?" Ray teased his baby sister.

The two left the precinct house together and, getting into the Riv, Ray asked, "How the hell did you get busted for solicitation?"

Francesca sighed and replied. "I was talking to some friends of mine when this cop car pulls up and we all get busted. I guess they assumed that we were all prostitutes, just because one of us was."

"WHAT?!" You could have heard Ray's voice in Canada. "You're friends with a prostitute?!"

"Yeah. So what?"

"So what?! So what?! I...I...I...God, Frannie, how could be so stupid?! You just got arrested and you're asking 'so what?'?!!!"

"Okay, okay - you got a point," Frannie grudgingly admitted. "But I don't want to hear any lectures, okay? I learned my lesson and hearing a lecture from you is only gonna make things worse."

The rest of the trip was made in silence and, when they reached home, they were both embraced by their tough little Mama.


After all the hugging and kissing was over, Ray thought he'd finally have a chance to listen to his new CD. He snuck upstairs to his room, took the plastic wrapping off the CD and put it into his stereo.

Pushing play, he listened as the warm melody poured over him.

"There's calm surrender,
To the rush of day.
When the heat of the rolling wind,
Can be turned away.
An enchanted moment,
And it sees me through.
It's enough for this restless warrior,
Just to be with you.

And can you feel the love tonight?
It is where we are.
Its enough for this wide-eyed wanderer,
That we got this far.
And can you feel the love tonight?
How it's laid to rest?
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds,
Believe the very best."

The song continued, and Ray felt a jolt of recognition every time that one particular line played. "And can you feel the love tonight...."

Then something washed over him. A recollection. A memory. It was so dim, but he could see it - a picture in his head, as clear as a photograph taken on a sunny day. And he heard Benny's voice. He strained to catch the words, but they were faint. So faint. What were they?

"At the consulate, Ray. Inspector Thatcher sometimes....after....done something....bad...stops....killing him..."

No! There were words missing!! Ray concentrated and, by sheer dint of effort, caught the next words. "What do you think the song means?"

That was Benny's voice! Benny was the one who had sung that song to him!!

And suddenly, it all came flooding back - the moon, the eclipse, the bed, the song, the cuddle and...and the *taste*. The taste of Benny.

"Oh, shit!!" Ray swore aloud. He had actually done it! He'd slept with his best friend!!

'So, you've finally figured it out?' asked the little voice softly.

'Yeah. I have.' Ray slumped in his chair, his head lolling forward, totally exhausted.

'Now what are you going to do?'

'I don't know. I just don't know...'

With a great effort, Ray hauled himself out of the chair and blearily stumbled across the room to his bed. After stripping down to his underwear, he slid gratefully between the cool sheets and drifted off to sleep. His last thought was 'I'll figure out what to do tomorrow.'

*****

Despite the rather shaky beginning, Fraser's day hadn't been all that bad. Inspector Thatcher had leaned out of her window to check up on him about a half an hour after he'd started guard duty.

Of course, he didn't know that for sure. He was only surmising from hearing the creak of the window as it was opened and judging the direction the sound came from. But she, if it was indeed she, hadn't said anything and he'd heard the window close again.

There were no spit-balls or dripping ice-cream cones and very few come-ons. All in all, it was a pleasant day. Despite the fact that it was July, it wasn't too hot and there was a mild breeze all day.

Nonetheless, it was a relief when clock struck five and he could relax. He waited patiently for the familiar green car with its grinning Italian driver to pull up to the curb - he waited in vain.

After a solid half-hour of waiting, Fraser decided to walk home. Setting off, his pace brisk and his movement economical, he wondered what had happened to Ray. It was unlike Ray not to be there. He may sometimes be late, but Ray was always there when Fraser needed him. Always. Without exception.

Had Ray remembered? Had he remembered what had happened that night and decided not to speak to his friend again? Ever? Had he decided that he hated him? Or was Ray just late because of circumstances out of his control?

But....what if Ray had remembered? And what if he did hate him? And what if he was never going to speak to him again?

'Enough!' chastised that little voice. 'It is illogical to cry before you're hurt.'

Fraser sighed. That little voice just wouldn't let him the hell alone.

'You bet I won't! I told you everything would be alright - and it will. You have to trust me.'

'Very well.'

Reaching his apartment building, he wearily climbed the stairs to his apartment. The day had been long and exhausting and his feet were killing him.

Entering 3J, he stripped off his uniform and, pausing just long enough to hang it up neatly, climbed onto the bed. Not bothering to get under the covers, he just lay there, his body relaxed, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

Lulled by the sound, his eyes drifted shut and he felt the sights and sounds of the world around him gradually fade away until he was fast asleep...


The next morning, Fraser got out of bed as normal, ate a sparing breakfast, dressed, and was waiting at the sidewalk promptly at 8.50 for Ray to pick him up.

Once again, he waited in vain. The green Riviera didn't put in an appearance and Fraser's heart was heavy as he briskly walked the short distance to the Consulate. Reaching the Consulate, he took up his position and stood stiffly to attention, the Mountie statue that people ignored and children annoyed.

Today was different, though. Today wasn't a mild day, with a pleasant breeze. Today was a boiling hot day in the middle of a Chicago summer. Fraser could feel sweat dripping from every pore on his body, he could feel it running down his spine, tracing a slow path down his legs and following the curve of his cheek to fall to the pavement below.

His red serge didn't help matters. It was designed for the cold, frozen wastelands of the Territories - to keep the heat in. Which, on a scorching hot day in Chicago, was perhaps not the best item of clothing he could be wearing.

As the day progressed, his mouth dried out, his skin flushed, his mind became fuzzy and he began to sway slightly. Still Fraser remained on duty, dedicated to the last and not about to let anything stop him. He stood there until the end of the day.

As the consular clock struck five, the Riv pulled up to the curb and Ray's grinning face looked up at him. "Hey, Benny. Ready to go?"

Ben tried to answer, but his mouth was so dry he couldn't speak and, as the blackness overwhelmed him, the last thing he saw was Ray's startled face.

*****
Ray swore and was out of his car in a flash. He put his hand against the Mountie's forehead and checked his temperature. Benny was burning up, but it seemed to be only just a bad case of sunstroke and not any kind of virus. Being a native of the Windy City, Ray knew the best thing for sunstroke was to get the sufferer cooled down. He grabbed Ben around the arms and, half dragging, half carrying him, got him into the passenger seat.

Racing through the streets of Chicago, Ray briefly thought about taking Benny to Chicago Hope or Cook County, but chances were they'd only do what Ray was going to do - dump Benny into a bath of ice-water - and both hospitals were over-worked and under-funded as it was. Besides, he didn't know what kind of health insurance Benny had.

After making a quick stop at store to buy several bags of ice, Ray finally reached Fraser's dingy apartment building. He then laboriously hauled the Mountie up several flights of steps to his floor and into the communal bathroom. Starting the bath, he left the half-conscious Mountie on the floor besides the bath and ran down to the Riv to retrieve the ice.

Returning to the bathroom, he dumped the ice into the half-filled bath and turned off the tap. Then he turned his attention to the man on the floor.

Bending down, Ray hauled the Mountie to a sitting position against the side of the cast-iron tub. Muttering a quick curse under his breath, he proceeded to strip his friend naked.

He started with the leather riding boots. 'These contraptions are worse than a strait-jacket,' thought Ray as he struggled with the complicated laces. Finally, the boots were off - along with the regulation white socks that smelt awful.

Next came the red serge tunic. Compared to the boots, this was fairly easy. Ray took off the lanyard and then unclipped the leather strap that crossed over the Mountie's chest. Ray muttered dire curses under his breath as he unbuckled the wide leather belt and dumped the whole contraption on the floor next to the boots.

Finally, he was able to remove the tunic by the simple expedient of undoing the buttons and pulling it down over Fraser's shoulders.

'Okay,' Ray thought to himself. 'We're halfway there. Just the undershirt and the pants to go.' He steeled himself against the emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he took off Fraser's suspenders and tugged the undershirt over his head.

Lastly, Ray had to take off the Mountie's pants.. Taking a deep breath, he reached down, unfastened them, and yanked them down Fraser's legs. They stuck.

"Shit!" Ray swore aloud. Benny was still in a sitting position, so of course his pants wouldn't come off easily. Muttering to himself in Italian, he put one arm around Fraser's waist and lifted him slightly while using his other hand to yank the pants down over Fraser's hips.

He was then able to pull the pants down Benny's legs and remove them completely. Luckily for Ray, Fraser's underwear came off with his pants and Ray was spared the task of removing them himself.

'This is gonna be hell,' was Ray's next thought, as he gazed at his friend's naked body propped up against the side of tub.

How to get him in?

Ray suddenly grinned as he remembered the time he and the Mountie'd crash-landed in the wilderness and Benny had been blinded and then couldn't walk. Ray had had to pick him up and carry him over his back like a sack of old potatoes.

Well, he could use the same technique here. Bending down, he grabbed Benny's arms with one hand and threw the other arm around the unconscious man's waist. With his head under Benny's shoulder, he arched his back and gave a great heave.

For a minute, the sheer weight of his friend nearly brought him to his knees, but he steadied himself and carefully, gently, lowered Fraser into the tub of ice-cold water. The ice cubes brushed over Benny's pale skin and Ray could see the goose-bumps form as the water did its work.

Despite the amount of ice Ray had thrown into the tub, the water level wasn't much past Benny's midriff. Ray looked around for a sponge or a flannel to wipe Benny down with, but couldn't find anything. Pausing a moment, he had a revelation and pulled out his handkerchief.

Dipping the handkerchief in the water he began to wipe the cool water all over Benny's chest, shoulders and face. He tried not to notice the enticing way Benny's nipples were hardening each time he rubbed the cloth over them, nor the way Benny's skin felt so soft and smooth under his hands.

'All that would seem to largely academic now, wouldn't it?' asked the little voice.

'What do you mean?'

The voice snorted. 'You've had sex with the man! He's seen all there is of you and you've seen all there is of him - and touched most of it too - and now you're getting shy?! Puh-lease!!'

Ray gnashed his teeth together in surpressed anger. 'Get lost!' he told the little voice emphatically.

'I'm gone,' it replied cheerfully.

For over an hour, Ray patiently rubbed cold water over his friend and partner. He would dip the cloth into the water and then hold it gently against Fraser's forehead, squeezing lightly. Sometimes the water would run down the sides of Benny's face, sometimes down his nose, and sometimes down his cheeks.

'The Chaos Theory in practice,' Ray though irrelevantly. He'd taken his nieces and nephews to see "Jurassic Park" at the cinema.

'What the hell am thinking about movies for?!' Ray cursed himself and got back to the business at hand. He dipped the cloth into the water and lifted it up to Benny's chest, squeezing the water out and down Benny's left breast. He repeated the procedure for the right breast and then returned to Benny's forehead, squeezing out yet more water.

Finally, Fraser gave a small moan and his eyes opened. Blue eyes stared up into concerned hazel-green ones. "Ray?" asked a barely audible voice.

"Welcome back, Benny," Ray smiled at his best friend.

"W-w-what happened, Ray?"

A look of concern flashed across Ray's face. "You fainted," he said solemnly.

"I never faint," Fraser stated with quiet conviction. (How he did it with a straight face is beyond even my imagination - K.)

Ray just smiled at that. "Come on," he said enthusiastically. "Lets get you out of that tub and into your bed."

Reaching down, Ray put his right arm around Ben's waist and held Ben's left arm around his neck with his left hand and heaved. With Fraser's co-operation it was easier for Ray to get him up.

Ray hauled the Mountie to his feet and helped him out of the tub. Wrapping a towel around the Canadian's waist, they staggered down the corridor together like a pair of old drunks.

Reaching apartment 3J, Ray used his foot to open the door and they staggered on in. Once inside, Ray used his foot again - this time to close the door. As he helped Fraser to the bedroom, he heard the tune again - and this time it wasn't just notes, it was the words. Fraser's voice singing the words to him.

Unconsciously, Ray began to sing...

"There's a calm surrender,
To the rush of day.
When the heat of a rolling wind,
Can be turned away.
An enchanted moment,
And it sees me through.
It's enough for this restless warrior,
Just to be with you.

And can you feel the love tonight?
It is where we are.
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer,
That we got this far.
And can you feel the love tonight?
How it's laid to rest?
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds,
Believe the very best."

"Ray?" asked Fraser, confused. His friend had a very pleasant tenor voice.

Ray didn't answer, simply helped his friend lay down on the bed and then sat beside him, gazing down into those blue, blue eyes.

"Ray?" Fraser asked, panic beginning to show in those beautiful eyes..

Ray just stared into Ben's eyes, not saying anything for the longest time.

Fraser's hand reached up to cup Ray's cheek, when, finally, he smiled and said softly "I remember, Frasier. I remember."

Fraser's hand froze halfway up, and he looked deep into Ray's eyes, asking a silent question.

'You remember - but do you want it? Do you love me as I love you?'

Ray stared back and his eyes answered the question. 'I want it. I love you more than anyone else in the world.'

Suddenly, Ray's little voice spoke, and this time it wasn't in his head. "Now and forever," it said and Fraser started as he heard the words.

"Now and forever," agreed Fraser's little voice and this time it was Ray who started as he heard the words.

They stared at each other for a few minutes and then Ray asked, tentatively, "Do you get the feeling we had no choice in this?"

Fraser moved his arm and his hand cupped Ray's face, his fingers caressing the smooth cheek softly. "I don't think we did. Does it matter?'

Ray thought for a minute, and then grinned. "Nah," he said cheerfully.

"Good," replied Fraser. He slowly reached up and wrapped his arms around Ray's neck, bringing him down. Their lips met and the world around them ceased to exist.

For a time.

The End :)


(This is really the end. If you think you can write a sequel, then please, feel free. Just try to keep Benny and Ray in character. I've done my dash with this story line, and its time to move on. Watch out for my next story!)