Ray Vecchio was shaking.

He tried to hide the shaking from his partner. Benny didn't seem to notice
it. Or, if he did, he chose not to say anything about it. Instead, he
asked Ray one of those stupid math questions about trains leaving different
stations at certain times and blah blah blah.  Ray couldn't understand
it. Benny had been attacked, drugged, tied up in a junked car and come
*this close* to being crushed in the car crusher before Ray had figured
out Carver's little game, and he was asking math questions. "Who cares?"
Ray asked rhetorically.

"Fine answer, Ray," replied Fraser.

Ray insisted on taking Benny home. The Mountie insisted that he was all
right, but Ray wouldn't listen to him. He took Benny home and followed
him upstairs to his apartment. 

"You *sure* you're all right?" the detective asked for the thousandth
time since they'd left the junk yard.

"I told you that I'm fine," Benny answered patiently. "You don't need
to worry about me." 

Ray smiled slightly, which Fraser took as a good sign. "Can't help it,
Benny," he answered. "I worry. I think it's genetic." He half-expected
to get a lecture about genetics for saying that, but Benny didn't give
him one.

"Are *you* all right, Ray?" he asked instead.

Vecchio shrugged off the question. "I'm fine. I'm not the one who was
drugged and tied up in a junked Riviera ready to be crushed into a pancake."
He found, though, that he was still shaking. He tried to ignore it.

"I can't believe that Ange really thought I'd planted that stupid heel.
Ange - my wife! Guess that's why she's an "ex" wife now. Nobody believed
me. Sure, they thought I had a good reason to do it, but..." he let his
voice trail off.

"I believed you, Ray," Benny said quietly. 

Suddenly, Ray started to cry. He wasn't sure why he was crying, but he
couldn't stop. Fraser was at his side in an instant.  "Ray! What's wrong?
Why are you crying? Ray?" 

Ben didn't know what had come over his friend. A moment ago Ray had been
talking about the Carver case, and about Angela, his ex wife, then he'd
suddenly burst into tears. Was it because of Ange? Perhaps it was just
a release of all the stress the detective had gone through since Carver
had been granted parole. Fraser took Ray into his arms and held him,
trying to think of something to say. "It's all right, Ray. Whatever it
is, it's all right. Please don't cry, Ray." 

Ray wrapped his arms around Benny and held on for dear life. Between
sobs, he choked out, "God, Benny, I thought you were dead. I thought
Carver had killed you. I didn't think I would get there in time to save
you.  If you had died it would have been my fault." 

"Your fault? Ray, it was Carver's fault, no one else's. He's the one
who abducted me." 

"Because of me, Benny. He wouldn't have done anything to you if you weren't
my partner, my friend."

Fraser pulled back slightly from Ray's embrace so he could look the Italian
in the face. "Ray, that's just it. You *are* my friend. My best friend.
I'm not going to stop being your friend just because a madman has a grudge
against you and decides to use me as bait to get to you. Unless you want
to stop being my friend. "

Ray grabbed him and held him even more tightly than before. "Never, Benny.
If I lost you - if anything happened to you - I couldn't stand it. I
love you, Benny. I love you." And before Ben could take in what Ray had
just said, the American kissed him full on the lips. 

Startled, bewildered and just a little frightened, Benny pulled away
from his friend. "Ray, I ... I don't know what to say." He didn't even
have any Inuit stories that would be appropriate for this situation.

Ray groaned and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, Benny. I shouldn't
have said anything. I mean, I do love you, and I thought I loved you
like a brother, you know? But today, when I thought Carver was going
to kill you, I realized that I'm in love with you. I wasn't going to
tell you and I really wasn't intending to kiss you. I just had to be
close to you, make sure that you're really here. I'm so sorry, Benny.
I'll - I'll understand if you never want to see me again." He stood up
and started toward the door. 

Quickly, Fraser got up and went after him, stopping Ray before he reached
the door. "Don't go, Ray. Stay. Please. Let's talk about this." He still
felt uncertain, didn't really know what he was feeling, actually, but
he knew he didn't want Ray to leave. His initial shock at the kiss had
worn off and he was no longer frightened. 

Relieved, the detective came back and sat down. Benny sat next to him.
That was good, Ray thought. Benny wasn't afraid to be close to him. "Listen,
Benny, I don't want you to be afraid of me."

"I'm not," the Mountie answered.

"I'm not going to kiss you again. I won't make any passes at you or anything."

"Ray, you surprised me," Fraser explained. "I certainly never expected
you to kiss me. But actually, I, well, I liked it."

Ray's eyebrows went up. "Really?"

"Yes, really," answered his partner self-consciously. "I've never kissed
a man before. I haven't even kissed many women." He took a breath. "I
need some time, Ray. Time to think, to get used to the idea that you're
in love with me.  I do care very much for you.  I think that could become
love."

"Become love? Benny, I don't get what you mean."

The Canadian ran his thumb across one eyebrow. "You're my best friend,
Ray. I told you that before. And I mean it, you are. I've long believed
that a strong friendship would be the best foundation for a romantic
relationship.  I've seen many friendships that outlasted marriages. And
we're partners. In many ways, partnership is like a marriage.

"But Ray, I have to admit, I'm a bit frightened. Not of you," he added
before Ray could protest, "never of you. But of love. I loved Victoria,
and look where that got me. I know you won't hurt me the way she did.
I know that in my head. My heart needs some convincing, though. 

"I don't know if I can fall in love with you, Ray, but I think I can
grow to love you.  Can you be patient with me, Ray? Give me some time?
I don't want to stop seeing you or being your friend. I just need to
get used to the idea of our being - more than friends." 

Ray had been holding his breath all the time that Benny had been speaking.
Now he let it out and smiled. "Benny, are you asking me to court you?"
he asked. "Because I'll do it. I will do whatever it takes to win your
heart."

Fraser returned the smile. "I'm sure you will, Ray."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Several weeks went by. Ray and Benny continued to spend time together
the way they always had. Ray did his best to seem casual and not to put
any pressure on his friend. But he found that he was intensely jealous
of any woman that tried to flirt with the Mountie.  Any time that Francesca,
Elaine, or anyone else got too close to Fraser, Ray wanted to grab him,
kiss him and say, "My Mountie! Mine! You can't have him!"  However, he
was quite certain that it would not be a good idea to kiss Fraser in
the middle of the precinct bullpen. And Benny still hadn't shown any
sign that he would like Ray to kiss him again.  And he hadn't said that
he loved Ray. 

The detective got another scare when Fraser fell from the roof of a van
they'd been chasing, one that was being driven by some kidnappers who
had abducted a wealthy businessman. It turned out that his partner was
okay; unfortunately, he'd lost his memory.  He didn't know who Ray was.
He didn't even know who he himself was. He did seem curious about their
relationship, though. Ray wished he could say that they were a couple,
that they were more than just good friends, but he didn't. He told Benny
that they were partners, that they were friends, and that was all. He
even told him about Victoria, and about shooting him

He didn't tell him that he loved him.

Eventually, Benny did get his memory back and they were able to catch
the kidnappers. Everything was back to the way it always had been. Dropping
Benny off at home, Ray started to say goodbye, when Benny asked him to
come up. Curious, the Italian followed his partner upstairs.

"How's the head doing, Benny?" he asked as they entered the apartment.

"My head is fine, Ray. In fact, I think it's better than it was before."

"How so?" asked Ray in surprise.

"Losing my memory helped to clear my mind of a lot of extraneous .. things,
I guess you could call them, for lack of a better term."

"What kind of things?" Vecchio inquired.

Sitting down on the couch next to his friend, Benny answered, "The kind
of things that made me afraid to love you."

Ray swallowed hard. He wanted to throw his arms around Benny and kiss
him like there was no tomorrow, but he sat calmly and waited for further
explanation.

"When I had amnesia, I didn't know who I was, or who you were. But I
could tell that you were someone who loved me. Which is why I was surprised
when you said we were just friends. And when my memory came back one
of the first things I remembered was your telling me that you love me.
And I realized that without my memories of Victoria, or of my upbringing,
my father's contempt for showing emotion, I was able to let myself feel
my true feelings for the first time. I know you've been wanting to hear
this and I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. I love you, Ray." 

Ecstatic, Ray threw his arms around Benny. "My Mountie. Mine," he found
himself saying, not caring if it sounded silly. 

"Yes, Ray. Yours."

END