Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV, or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Since We Parted

By SL Haas

(Copyright January 1997 Revised June 1999)

August 1985

Yes, it felt good to get back to his post. He stretched and felt a twinge in his shoulder area. He massaged the bruise and closed his eyes briefly. He let his mind wander back to a pair of hands massaging a dislocated shoulder. The memory of a slide down that rock slope and over the cliff at Thunder Basin still sent a knot to his stomach. Thunder Basin, paradise on Earth, the place where he almost lost his life and did lose his heart. His thoughts turned eagerly to memories of the woman he had met during his tenure with Rocky Mountain Rescue--the woman he loved and, God willing, would marry.

He rose from his desk and headed toward the mailbox. There should be a letter from Phil. She was like clockwork. Without fail, he had received a letter every two weeks from her for the past year. ‘I can't believe it's been that long since I've seen Phil. How did the time get away from us?' The longing for her and the loneliness of being without her momentarily overwhelmed him.

"Hey, Fraser! You're back! How'd it go?"

Ben turned to acknowledge the greeting, "Hello, Fielding. I caught Fisher up on the Charley. He's probably already back at the penitentiary."

"That's a relief. That man's a nasty bastard!" Several other members of the post gathered around Constable Ted Fielding's desk.

"Good to see you back, Fraser."

"How's it going?"

"Wrestle any bears lately?"

Ben smiled at his compatriots. This was a good group of men to work with. Motioning with his hand toward the mailbox, he said, "If you'll excuse me, I need to check the mail."

"Expecting something important?" Constable Brad Johnson inquired with a patented look of innocence on his face. Ben's letters were an established fact. No one knew who they were from, the return address never carried a name and, even under the pressure four determined Mounties could bring, Ben never divulged their author nor their contents.

Ben just smiled. "I'll never tell," and he left the group to retrieve his mail.

"I wonder who she is?" Constable Mark Stevens joined the speculation.

"What makes you think it's a she?"

"Have you ever seen the look on his face when he get one or how he smells it but doesn't read it here...how he saves it till later when he's alone?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it. I have noticed that. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" Speculative glances followed Ben's progress.

Ben finished leafing through his mail. Sure enough there was the letter he was looking for. He ran it under his nose--lavender. He could always tell her letters by the fragrance of her shampoo. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Phil's hair he smelled and not just her letter. He opened his eyes and smiled in anticipation then placed it inside his tunic. He would read it later. Laughter from the group around Fielding's desk drew him back to the group.

"In what way?" A puzzled look crossed Ben's face.

"This group of participants includes a couple of women."

"Not just any women, mind you," Johnson added. "They certainly grow them pretty in the States!" General agreement came from the others. "If I had my choice though, you know which one I'd take."

"Probably the same one I'd take." Stevens hand motions made an hourglass shape.

"Just thinking of her makes my...my...my head ache." Hoots of laughter followed that declaration. Fielding continued in a wounded voice, "All I know is every Friday night I end up taking cold showers."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Stevens agreed. "And that's what's so strange! I've met women that are a lot prettier than Dr. McKenzie. There's just something about her."

Ben's head snapped up. "Dr. McKenzie?" he asked.

"Yeah, Dr. Phil McKenzie. There's just something about her that calls to me," Fielding added.

"You mean it calls to a certain part of you," Stevens joked.

"That, too. Too bad she won't take me up on my offer."

"She hasn't taken anybody's offer. Makes me want her all the more!"

Fielding grinned, "Well, you know what they say about forbidden fruit..."

Ben interrupted their fantasizing, "What offer do you mean?"

"She just won't agree to a little extracurricular activity."

"What?"

"Sex, Fraser, we're talking about sex."

"As far as we know. Thinking of trying you luck, Fraser?"

"No, I...I mean...that is..."

Laughter greeted his confusion. "Even with your good looks and the way women fall all over themselves around you, I bet even you would strike out with this one. It would sure be interesting to watch you make your move, though." Knowing looks were shared among the group. "Well, you game, Fraser?"

Ben was in a state of apprehension mixed with anticipation. How many female Dr. Phil McKenzie's could there be? Especially ones participating in a geology seminar. What if it was his Phil? What if it wasn't? If it was--his pulse quickened in response to his longing for Phil. If it wasn't--he could spend an evening in the company of these friends. Maybe Phil's letter would tell him if she were here or not.

"Let me read my letter and then I'll join you." He moved back to his desk and withdrew the letter from his tunic. He eagerly read each word, sharing the experiences she wrote to him. His eyes were caught by a paragraph toward the end:

This Dr. McKenzie had to be his Phil! She had to be! He rested his face in his hands. He was going to see her, be with her again. The year separating them receded as his thoughts dwelt on Phil.

Fielding plopped down on the edge of Ben's desk and reached for the letter. Ben's hand covered it before Fielding could touch it. "Good news?" Ben nodded. "Who is she, Fraser?"

Ben smiled that smile he saved for Phil. Fielding had never seen that look on Fraser's face. "Someone very special. Someone I haven't seen in almost a year."

"Sounds serious." Ben continued to smile and nodded. "You sure you want to go with us tonight?"

"I'm absolutely positive I want to go tonight!"

"Well then, let's go!" Ben noticed the others waiting for them. He rose, folded his letter, and replaced it in his tunic. Grabbing his Stetson, he followed the others out of the building.

* * *

As Ben's eyes adjusted to the dimmer light he swept the people gathered there looking for a particular face. Johnson nudged him and indicated a group gathered around an old piano. "The seminar--the woman with her back to us is Dr. McKenzie. Have you ever seen jeans and flannels fit a body the way those fit her?"

As a matter of fact, he had. He recognized the back turned to him, the long legs, and the way the jeans molded to her backside. He felt his breathing quicken. Just the distance across the room separated him from his Phil. He made his way toward the group at the piano.

Phil could feel someone watching her. It was a familiar feel and it heightened her awareness of the people around her. A prickly sensation ran up and down her spine and goosebumps spread across her arms.

"Uh oh, the Mounties are here!" Liz Barker, another participant in the seminar nudged her. "Are you ready for tonight's assault, Phil?" The others had noticed how the Mounties seemed drawn to Phil and how she had repeatedly refused their propositions. She treated them all equally and fairly--never favoring any one and always trying to direct their attentions elsewhere. The other female participants, after some initial envy, had recognized Phil's reluctance to become involved with any of the men. They now good-naturedly ribbed her about the continuing attentions of the Mounties.

Phil laughed. "I don't know what more I can do to discourage them. I guess I'll just have to quit coming here with you."

"Why don't you tell them you're engaged?"

"I have--it didn't help." She shook her head and the group laughed at the resignation in her voice.

Liz's eyes grew wide. "Uh oh, Phil. Looks like they've brought up the heavy artillery." She looked the approaching Mountie over from head to foot. "Hmmm! This one's gorgeous! After you set him on his ear, send him my way, okay?"

Phil shook her head again and laughed. "I'll try!"

Ben's steps quickened as he approached the group around the piano. He was sure it was Phil even though her hair was no longer short but hung in a thick braid to the middle of her back. His fingers itched to loosen that braid and run his hands through it. He moved up to within a foot of her back and paused a moment to gather his scattered thoughts.

That uneasy feeling of being watched was almost overpowering. She wished she had stayed back at camp instead of coming to town with the others. She noticed the other women staring over her shoulder with intense interest. 'This one must really be something!' she thought. 'I don't care, he still cannot compare with my Ben.' She felt the familiar pang of longing sweep over her. 'Oh, T, I wish you were here with me.'

"Excuse me, is this Miller's Crossing?"

Phil started at that voice; it sounded so much like Ben.

"Phil?"

No, it couldn't be, could it? Phil set her coke down slowly, her hands trembling. She took a deep breath and slowly turned to face the voice and the man to whom it belonged. She was shaking noticeably. As her eyes moved upward following the line of buttons on the front of his uniform her pulse rate increased until she felt it hammering in her brain. As her eyes finally reached the finely chiseled features of Ben's face, she felt a roaring in her ears and a metallic taste in her mouth. She managed a strangled "Ben?" before the darkness claimed her and she crumpled into Ben's arms.

"I need some water for her," Ben requested as he bent over Phil's still form. He sat down on the edge of the sofa and gently ran a finger across her cheek then across her lips. He tenderly brushed her hair out of her face. Removing her glasses, he placed them in the pocket of his tunic containing her letter. "Phil, wake up, love. Phil...Phil?" He gently placed a kiss on her forehead, then her eyelids, her nose, and finally her lips.

"I'll say this for you, Fraser, that's one technique I would have never thought to try. How did you get her to faint like that?" Fielding and the other Mounties crowded around the door.

Ben favored Fielding with a look that spoke volumes then turned back to Phil. He unbuttoned the collar of her shirt and saw the gleam of a gold chain. He pulled it out of her shirt and smiled when he saw his ring.

A wet cloth was pressed into his hand and he used it to wipe her face. Her color began to return and he saw the fluttering of her eyelids. "Phil, open your eyes and look at me." His voice was gentle yet insistent. Her breathing increased and he could tell she was conscious. "Phil, open your eyes."

"No." The slightest shake of her head accompanied the whisper.

"Why not? Why won't you look at me?"

"Because, if I open my eyes, I'll wake up and this dream will be gone and you'll be gone, too."

"Phil, I'm right here." He took her hands in his and brought them to his face. "Feel my face, Phil." She ran her fingers along his chin, up his cheeks to his eyes, back down his nose to his lips. He kissed her fingers. "Are you convinced?"

The features her fingers traced were strong and familiar. They haunted her dreams and intruded on her thoughts each day. But, that was just it--they were a part of her dreams already. This could simply be a more vivid dream than the others. "No," she told the bodiless voice of her lover.

Ben shook his head. Phil was as stubborn as ever. "What will convince you?"

What would convince her? She knew what she wanted. She wanted to lay her face against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. She always felt secure when she heard that steady pounding. She could be sure he was real if she could hear his heartbeat. In a whisper she said, "The one thing that always brought me peace."

Ben gave her a puzzled look then comprehension dawned and he smiled. He sat up, unbuttoned his tunic, and placed Phil's palm over his heart. Phil felt the strong beat of his heart through the fabric of his shirt and undershirt. It was racing. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Ben's beautiful face inches from hers. The love blazing in his eyes kindled a similar expression in hers. She slid her arms around him under his tunic and drew herself up to him. She kissed him passionately. Ben responded in kind.

A not too discreet cough and several throats being cleared alerted the couple to the fact they were not alone. They quickly drew apart and turned to look at the group gathered in the office and around the door. Mounties and geologists both regarded the couple. Ben quickly rose to his feet and began buttoning his tunic.

Phil slid her feet to the floor and also stood facing the group. A guilty look crossed her face as she looked sideways at Ben and saw the telltale blush creeping into his cheeks.

Ben straightened his tunic, cleared his throat, and opened his mouth--no words came out. He swallowed and tried again. "I was just...I mean, we were...that is..."

Phil shook her head and placed hand on his arm. "T, it's pretty obvious to everyone just what we were doing."

Ben smiled at her--the smile he reserved only for her. Even the densest of the observers felt the love in that glance.

Fielding stepped forward. "I take it you two know each other?" They nodded. "Good! I'd hate to think that Fraser had some kind of weird power over women."

Phil began to chuckle. The release of her pent up longings for this man found escape as she thought of the mystical power of Ben's eyes. She continued to laugh...there was no way she could stop. It was either that or cry. She chose to laugh.

Ben ran his hand over his forehead and said in his best imitation, wounded little boy voice, "I'm hurt, Phil." She looked up into his glacier blue eyes and laughed harder.

"I'm sorry, Ben, I can't help myself...oh....it hurts..." and she was laughing again.

Ben shook his head and looked at his fellow Mounties. "Her family has this congenital problem with laughter. I know of only one cure." He swept her into his arms and smothered her laughs with a passionate kiss. When he let her go, she was blushing as badly as Ben had earlier.

Liz joined Fielding. "Phil?" she gestured to Ben, "I take it he's the reason these 'gentlemen' could get nowhere with you?" Phil glanced at Ben and the grin he gave her caused her blush to deepen. Liz turned to the group of Mounties and said, "You guys never had a chance!"

Stevens and Johnson looked puzzled. Fielding began to chuckle. "Fraser...the letters?" Ben nodded. Fielding turned to the others. "Dr. McKenzie is Fraser's mystery letter writer."

"The writer of the letters?" Stevens asked.

"One and the same. We truly didn't have a chance!" He laughed and turned back to Ben. "You said you hadn't seen each other in almost a year?"

"Ten months, 8 days..." Ben looked at his watch, "...7 hours, and some odd minutes. But who's counting?"

"I am," Phil added, "and it's 6 hours not 7." She answered Ben's lifted eyebrows. "Different time zone."

Ben's eyes moved to the group gathered in the room. "For the record, Dr. McKenzie is 'off-limits.’ She...is...mine." There was a definite possessive tone to his voice. He lifted the ring on the chain around Phil's neck and smiled. "We've been engaged now for almost a year."

"You're engaged?" The question came from several different people.

"Yes...and we have a lot of catching up to do." With his hand in the middle of Phil's back, Ben directed them out of the office and to an empty table leaving the startled group behind.

"Have you eaten?" Ben asked.

"No, I usually grab something here."

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

Phil watched him maneuver through the tables to the bar. He moved with a grace few could emulate. She wasn't surprised when Fielding sat in the chair opposite her.

"Dr. McKenzie...Phil. On behalf of the rest of the RCMP, I wanted to apologize for any behavior that might have been offensive. Why didn't you tell us you were engaged to a Mountie...to Fraser? We really didn't know who you were."

"No need for apologies, Ted. And...I did tell you that I was engaged, but you didn't believe me. Would you have believed me if I said I was engaged to a Mountie? I wasn't even sure just where Ben was posted. His mailing address is nowhere similar to this town. I was totally unprepared for him tonight. In fact, I still find it hard to believe he's here." She looked over at Ben at the bar, the love shining in her eyes.

Fielding mentally kicked himself and wished he were in Ben's shoes.

She turned back to him. "Can you answer me a quick question?"

"I'll do my best."

"Why didn't Ben come with you the other times we gathered here?"

"That's easy to answer. Fraser's been gone for over three weeks tracking an escaped convict. He just got back today. In fact he probably would not have come tonight—he got your latest letter today and he usually saves them and reads them when he's alone. Tonight, though, he heard us discussing your group and must have realized that we were talking about you. He was very insistent on accompanying us." They both laughed. "Uh oh. Here he comes and it looks like I've overstayed my welcome."

Phil followed his gaze to see Ben returning carrying a laden tray. Fielding kissed her hand and left.

"What was that all about?" Ben asked as he transferred the contents of the tray to the table.

"Ted was just being 'Canadian.'"

"And just what does that mean?"

"He politely apologized for anything and everything I might have found offensive in their behavior toward me. That's all."

"And were they offensive?"

"Not particularly. Just stubborn." She noticed the strange expression on his face. "Benton Fraser, if I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous."

He shrugged. "I am. I'm jealous of the time they got to spend with you." He sat in the chair Fielding had just vacated.

"It wasn't every day, T."

"I know, but I begrudge them every minute they shared with you. Do you have any idea how much I have missed you?"

She took one of his hands and said, "About as much as I've missed you." She leaned across the table and gently kissed him. "PDA be damned!"

"PDA?"

"Public Displays of Affection. Maybe after we've been married for 50 years, I won't have this need to touch you, or kiss you, or otherwise indicate to the world around us that you're mine..."

"And I hope that you never outgrow that need, Phil. However, there are time when some discretion should be observed."

"I'll try to remember that," but there was a mischievous gleam in her eyes. Ben saw it and knew he was in trouble.

They ate the meal Ben had secure for them, then joined the group at the piano. "Have you played for them Phil?" Ben queried.

"No, you know I only play for myself." Ben shook his head and approached the current occupant of the piano stool. "Ben, please don't."

"Don't what?" The smile in his voice echoed in his eyes.

"Yeah, don't what?" was echoed from several members of the group.

Jack Samuels, the owner, swung around on the stool. "Constable Fraser, have you found someone who can play this thing? I'm tired of trying to make my fingers do things they were never meant to."

"As a matter of fact, I do have someone in mind." He leaned down to Phil and whispered something in her ear. Phil blushed again.

"Okay. I'll play, but only on one condition."

"And that condition?" Samuels asked.

"Someone has to find a guitar for Ben. I refuse to display my little ability alone." Ben scowled at her but accepted the guitar that seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Phil knocked out several current favorites then mellowed into some golden oldies as she played requests from the group. Ben accompanied her. There were several times when the group grew quiet and listened as Phil and Ben harmonized together. Finally the couple had to beg off.

"My hands are going to fall off if I play anymore!" Phil exclaimed. The group relented in their demands on Phil and Ben. The evening wound to a close as they shared the company of new friends and old.

"Phil, what are your plans for this weekend?" Ben asked as they walked out into the night.

"Well, T, if it's all the same to you. I think I'd better stay..."

"...at the camp with your seminar group. Understood."

"T, you understand nothing! As I was saying, I think I'd better stay with you!"

"With me?"

"Of course, silly. Although if you don't want me to, I'm sure I can find someone else who does."

"Don't you dare, Phil!" He picked her up and swung her around.

"Hey, Phil! Are you coming?" Liz called from the seminar jeeps. "We're ready to head back to camp."

"Well, what should I tell them, Ben?" She looked up into his deep blue eyes, gratified to see the desire building in them.

"You head on back to camp. I'll make sure Phil is back Monday morning, " Ben called to Liz. Liz snickered at them and waved.

"I have an apartment not far from here. Do you feel like walking?"

Phil laced her fingers in his, "Lead on MacDuff!" It felt so good just to hold his hand... to feel his tug on her as he pulled her along...to be drawn into his arms for a quick kiss. If someone had asked her to retrace her steps, she would have been at a loss. All her attention was for the man she walked with. She sighed and leaned against him.

"What is it, Phil?" His voice was silky soft on her hair.

"I was just thinking about what I'm going to do to you tonight." Ben stopped dead in the street.

"You what?"

Phil laughed. "Benton Fraser, we haven't seen each other in almost a year. We've spent the evening talking and singing and reacquainting ourselves. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to move on." Her hands slid under his tunic and stroked him in a most intimate manner.

He moaned as he felt himself harden in response to Phil's hands. "No shower seduction?"

"That would be nice, but not necessary." She slipped her arms around him and gave him the full brunt of her brown eyes. "We've been apart too long, T. I want you, now!"

"Now?"

She shook her head. Honestly, sometimes he could be so dense. "Well, when we get to your place."

"I think I can accommodate you." He took her hand and began running, pulling her along behind him. His apartment wasn't that far away but it seemed like an eternity before they reached its haven.

As the door closed behind them, they found themselves locked in each others arms, struggling to remove each others clothing but only succeeding in getting in each other's way. They drew apart.

"There's got to be an easier way to do this!" Ben grinned.

"There is!" Phil answered. They found their way to the bedroom and the bed. When the back of Ben's knees hit the edge of the bed, she pushed on his chest. Ben toppled onto the bed and Phil quickly climbed on top and sat on his chest. "Now, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way!" Memories of another time and another place came to them both.

Ben slid his hands up Phil's back and loosened the clip holding her braid in place. He worked her hair loose and ran his fingers through it. "What's the difference?" he asked in a husky voice.

Phil leaned forward and whispered against his parted lips. "The easy way entails me ripping your clothes off and indulging in immediate gratification of our mutual needs."

Ben's breathing increased a notch. "And the hard way?" he whispered back.

"I'll slowly disrobe you, planting kisses on any and all exposed surfaces, until you are totally under my spell. Then and only then will I allow you to touch me!"

"That would be pure torture!" he groaned as she began to unbutton his shirt.

"Exactly, that's why it's the hard way!" The smile she gave him was sultry and enticing.

"I don't think I can handle that!"

"Good, we'll do it the hard way," and she suited her actions to her words, kissing his chest as she continued to unbutton his shirt. True to his words, Ben couldn't handle it and was soon stripping the clothes from Phil. "Take it easy, T. These are the only clothes I have here!"

Her plea fell on deaf ears. Ben rolled with Phil, leaned down to nuzzle her neck, and kissed the pounding pulse point. "You can wear some of mine!"

"Yeah, sure! I'd look like an anorexic Santa." Ben just chuckled and continued to kiss the pulse beating wildly beneath him. Knowing what was inevitable, Phil surrendered to her desires and joined Ben in fulfilling their hunger for each other.

Much later, they lay in each other’s arms, legs entwined. Phil's head was on Ben's chest listening to his heartbeat.

Ben stroked her hair and brought a lock to his nose. "I love the smell of lavender--the way it clings to your letters."

Phil raised up and looked him in the face. "You smell my letters?"

Ben smiled as he nodded. "Phil, why did let you hair grow?"

"You don't like it long? It's not as easy to care for as short hair. If you don't like it I can cut..." Phil’s protests were silenced by Ben's mouth on hers.

"No, Phil, don't cut it. I love it. It's beautiful. Just tell me why you let it grow."

Phil turned her face into Ben's neck and kissed the pulse beating there. "Someone very dear to me once expressed a wish that my hair was longer."

"You did this for me? But, I don't remember ever asking you to do this." Ben gently smoothed the hair out of her face.

"I saw it in you eyes and the way your fingers always seemed to continue running through my hair even after you had run through what I had. I could tell that you were imagining that it was longer. I haven't cut it since that last night we spent together."

Ben ran his hand down her back and lightly slapped her left hip. "And what about this?"

Phil blushed a deep crimson. "You noticed!"

"It's kind of hard to miss. A tattoo? Of a hummingbird? Phil, you never cease to amaze me."

"I take it you like it?"

"Yes, I do." He ran his fingers through her hair once more before kissing the lips Phil raised to him. "I love you, Phil. No matter what the future brings to us, know that I will always love you."

"And I promise to love you forever, T."

To be continued (?)

Copyright January 1997 by SL Haas

Revised June 1999

1. On a Collision Course
2. Nocturnal Duet
3. Jumping to Conclusions
4. "In the Kiss of One Girl"
5. Real Conversations
6. Icnites, Montmorillonite, and Bentonite, Oh My!
7. An Acquired Taste
8. "…a Dish Best Served Cold"
9. Like Thunder When It Rains
10. Steppingstones
11. The First Consciousness
12. An Answered Dream
13. Since We Parted
14. The Fine Line That Separates
15. Moments of Regret
16. Benton's Secret