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SONO LUMINOUS - April, 2000
by Ashinae

I never thought that I would reach you
Though I've been searching, for oh so many years
This place I am seems unfamiliar
But there's a light, to break through all my fears

"Ya know, Fraser, I don't know how you do things up there in Canada, but here we can't just go up and knock on people's doors and expect to be let in. Things just don't happen that way. They'll board up the windows but probably not before shooting at us."

Constable Benton Fraser glanced at his partner, Ray Vecchio aka Ray Kowalski. "If you say so, Ray," he said.

"I do! You just can't expect people to be like that. Canada seems to be some backward place because people fear for their lives here!"

"That makes Canada 'backward'?" Fraser asked mildly.

"I'm not finished!"

"Oh, of course, Ray. Please continue." Fraser tried not to smile.

"Thank you," Ray snapped. "All I'm saying is that you are nuts. You know that, right?"

"So I suppose you did not see the big sign posted on the gate on the way in?"

"What sign?"

"The sign that said, in large, bold letters: Bed and Breakfast. Vacancy."

"Oh, yeah, right, that sign." Ray paused. "I was just... tellin' ya, Frase. Just tellin' ya the way things are."

"Of course." Fraser decided that now would not be a good time to mention that his partner should have been wearing his glasses, considering it was late at night and raining. His eyes were bad enough as they were, but conditions made visibility that much worse. Fraser was actually surprised that they had made it this far out of Chicago in one piece.

"You think I didn't notice it," Ray accused.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. I understand perfectly."

"Understand what, Ray?"

Ray seemed to flinch. "Just--I--Get out of the car."

"Ray, I would much prefer it if you stopped the car first."

"Yeah, I was gonna--God, Fraser, sometimes--" The GTO jerked to a halt. "Go inside and I'll park the car. Get the rooms, okay? Think you can handle that?"

Fraser nodded, and motioned to Dief. The Mountie grabbed their few bags and he and the wolf dashed from the car to the front door and inside the small building.

Outside, muttering to himself, Ray parked the car, then ran through the rain and inside. Fraser was already at the front desk talking to the small man who probably owned the bed and breakfast. They seemed to be arguing.

"What's the problem?" Ray asked, coming up next to Fraser.

"Apparently they only have two rooms left," Fraser told him. "One is the suite, and the other is just a regular room."

"Oh, well, you can take the suite, Fraser."

"That's very kind, Ray, but I can't accept."

"Why not?" Ray demanded. "You sleep in your office, Fraser. For once you could be a little more comfortable."

"All the more reason why I do not need it. I am completely adjusted to minimal... furnishings."

"Hey!" the little man protested. "Our rooms are furnished! Very nicely, too."

Fraser glanced at Ray. "He seems to want to pick a fight with me," he commented.

"You're too polite, Fraser, that's your problem. Anyway, you're gonna take the suite, and I'll take the small room."

"No, Ray, I simply cannot allow that. I insist you take the suite."

"Fraser."

"Ray."

"Fraser!"

"Ray! You're being unreasonable."

"I'm being unreasonable? I'm being generous! Take the suite."

"No. You take the suite."

"I'm not foolin' around here, Fraser. I'm gonna take the room."

"Then I will sleep in the hall."

"What is wrong with you?! You will not be sleeping in the hall!"

"Then what do you suggest?"

They stared at each other, then simultaneously turned to the man behind the desk.

"We'll both take the suite," they said at the same time.

"Ah..." The man blinked. "The dog, too, I suppose?"

still, time & time again
i'm looking for the love
the one that can inspire

The room was fairly large, and actually quite nice for a bed and breakfast. There was one large bed, a bathroom, a closet, a desk and a cupboard. Diefenbaker instantly ran over and claimed a large chair by the window. Ray flopped over onto the bed, letting out an "Ahh" of relief.

"Ray, you're..." Fraser put their bags down. "You're getting the bed wet."

"Aww, Fraser, come on, I've been driving all day!" Ray protested. "Besides, I don't see you complaining at Dief."

"Well, he's not on the bed," Fraser replied. "Ray, please, I have to insist you at least change."

"Yes, Mom!" Ray muttered, making a great show of struggling to his feet and staggering to the bathroom after grabbing his bag.

"Ray, that was a tad unnecessary, don't you think?"

Ray ignored him. A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom wearing only a pair of dark blue boxer-shorts. Fraser casually glanced at him, a quick up and down look, as Ray set his bag down at the desk chair.

"I left my wet clothes hanging over the shower rod, that okay with you?"

"Well, actually that would prove bothersome, Ray. I'm going to have a shower."

Ray shrugged. "All right, whatever, just throw my clothes on the floor."

Fraser gave Ray a disapproving look, to which Ray countered with a "don't-argue-with-me-Fraser" stare. Fraser shook his head, grabbed his bag and disappeared into the bathroom.

Ray flopped back down on the bed, resting his head on his hands. He closed his eyes. This was a much-deserved vacation.

Both Fraser and Ray had amassed quite a bit of vacation time. Lieutenant Welsh had insisted they both needed a break; Fraser requested a vacation, a miracle occurred when Inspector Thatcher said he could go, and three days later Fraser and Ray had packed up the GTO. Along with Dief and a few maps--Fraser's insistence--had hit the road. They weren't quite sure where they were going but they had a week to get there.

Too bad the weather was so horrible.

Ray finally heard the water start running, and, unbidden, thoughts of what the Mountie must look like all wet and naked sprang to mind.

"Aww, dammit," Ray muttered, sitting up. He was not going to start doing that now of all times. He got up from the bed and switched on the radio, turning to see Dief jump down from the chair he had claimed to take over Ray's vacated spot.

On the radio, one of those boy-bands began singing about the meaning of loneliness and Ray winced.

Was he being punished for something? What had he done in his life that had been so horribly wrong?

Ray reached back over to the radio; the boy band was going to drive him nuts. He tuned through the channels. Reception was bad because of the weather. The clearest channel that came through was playing Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply and Ray almost howled in frustration.

Life hates me, he thought.

The shower shut off and more mental pictures sprang to mind. Ray went over to the bed and threw himself on it next to Dief, who raised his head with a whine and a look that said "What's your problem?"

Ray buried his head under a pillow, moaning in a most unbecoming fashion.

From behind the bathroom door there was a crash and Ray emerged from under the pillow and was in the bathroom before he was even aware that he was moving.

Clad only in a while towel around his waist, Fraser was struggling to get the shower rod and curtain back up.

Yeah, better wipe up the drool there, Kowalski. "You okay?" Ray demanded.

"Oh, I'm fine," Fraser reassured him. "I was well out of the way when it fell."

"Good. You... uh, you need a hand?" Removing the towel? his mind finished for him. Ray had the feeling that ripping the towel off the Mountie and ravishing him on the bathroom floor probably wouldn't go over too well. Though he would certainly enjoy it.

"Ray? Ray? Ray?"

"What?"

"I said, I wouldn't mind your assistance. It doesn't seem to want to stay up."

"Oh, yeah, right." Stop staring at him. God, what's wrong with you? He's not like that. Hell, you're not supposed to be either! You can't be thinkin' dirty thoughts about the Mountie like that. Ya just can't.

A few moments later, after a considerable amount of cursing on Ray's behalf, he threw his hands up in the air. "It's not gonna stay, Frase."

"I think what's happening is that we're shortening it unintentionally as we fumble with it," Fraser pointed out. "Why don't you just hold that end there... No, Ray, just hold it there. Ray. Ray. Ray?"

Ray blinked. "What?"

"Let go of the shower rod."

"What? Oh."

"There." Fraser shook his head, then flashed Ray a small grin. "The simplicity of it is just mind-boggling."

Ray grinned back. "That's why we couldn't get it to work, Frase. We never do things the easy way."

"I've noticed that as well."

Ray squinted up at the shower curtain. "I don't trust the damn thing to stay." He put one bare foot down on the tub's ledge and reached up to pull lightly on the shower rod.

"Ray--"

"I don't like the idea of it coming down on my head while I'm in the shower in the morning."

"Ray--"

Even thinking back on it, Ray was never sure exactly what happened. It was a certainty that the tub's side was wet, but he didn't know how his foot slipped. He was almost completely sure that he hadn't been pulling hard enough on the shower rod for him to lose his balance. All he knew was that suddenly he was falling backwards and the shower curtain was falling down on him. And his shoulder hurt.

"Ray!" Fraser exclaimed in alarm.

"Goddammit!" Ray shouted. "My shoulder! Aw, hell, what did I do?"

Fraser instantly ushered Ray from the bathroom. He sat Ray down on the bed and knelt behind him, fingers testing Ray's injured shoulder.

"Ow, damn, Fraser!" Ray protested. "I'm in pain here! Shit! Fray-serr!"

"Oh, Ray, you've done nothing serious," Fraser told him, beginning to knead Ray's flesh.

Ray was instantly aware of both their states of near-nakedness.

How was Fraser's towel staying on? Ray wasn't about to complain--although things would certainly be that much more interesting if the towel did fall off. Oh, yes, a naked Mountie could be oh-so-productive right now.

If, of course, it wasn't for the near-blinding pain in his shoulder.

"Fraser!" Ray shouted. "What you're doing is not helping!"

"Oh, Ray, calm down," Fraser admonished. "Besides, with all the noise you're making, you're probably going to worry the neighbours." He continued what he was doing. "You haven't done any real damage," he told Ray. "Just wrenched it a little too hard, that's all. You'll be tender for a while."

Fraser continued to rub Ray's shoulder for another few moments. Ray closed his eyes and just enjoyed the physical contact. It wasn't really very often that he got Fraser to touch him. When Fraser stopped and began to pull away, Ray spoke, voice low, husky.

"Frase."

"Ray?"

"I didn't say you could stop. You... you got a nice touch. K-keep going." His voice dropped to a whisper to say, "Please."

Fraser said nothing, but shifted forward a bit more, both hands rising up to both of Ray's shoulders. Ray held in the moan that threatened to rise in his throat.

Fraser's fingers worked their magic on both of Ray's shoulders, his thumbs rubbing up and down the sides and back of his neck. Ray closed his eyes and his head fell forward as he found himself leaning back slightly into Fraser's touch. Oh, God, this was pure bliss. If this was all he could get from Fraser... well, he would die of sexual frustration, but dammit, at least he wouldn't die never knowing how sweet and gentle those big, callused hands could be. It wasn't as though he had never had any clue before, but for the most part, the most part, that strong body was a mystery.

Well, the towel left little to the imagination... And Fraser in jeans was enough to make every part of Ray's body stand at attention.

Ray let out an uninhibited moan of pleasure as Fraser's hands moved up and down his back.

He'd never felt this way about another man before. It was just--Fraser. Benton Fraser. Ben. Oh, yeah, Ben--it was Ben in his dreams who would be kissing the back of his neck now, pull him to that big, smooth chest, stroke a hand down his belly under the waistband of his boxers and--

"Ray." It was Fraser who spoke so close to his ear; his breath, his voice, just a soft caress.

If he couldn't have Fraser, he was gonna keel over dead. Simple as that.

"Frase?"

"Ray, I--" He heard Fraser swallow. "I should change."

Damn. "Uh, yeah, Frase. Ya know, whatever feels good." Good is you staying right where you are, don't you get it, you stupid Canadian?

"Thank you, Ray." Fraser slid from the bed and returned to the bathroom.

Ray noticed with mixed surprise, smugness and amusement that Fraser walked just a little awkwardly.

He jumped to his feet. Did Fraser have any idea ho much Ray wanted him? Did Fraser want him in return?

Ray wondered if Fraser had brought those ridiculous long johns.

The bathroom door opened.

He hadn't. Fraser stood there in a pair of white boxer shorts.

Oh, damn, he looks good enough to eat! Ray thought.

Now. He needed Fraser.

It took him just a few strides to cross the room to stand directly in front of the Mountie. "If I don't kiss you soon, I'll die," he whispered.

"I highly doubt that, Ray," Fraser whispered back but made no further protestations as Ray's mouth descended on his.

"Ray? Ray? Ray!"

"What?"

Fraser frowned at him. "Are you all right? You've been acting strangely..."

Ray shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good, Frase. Just fine."

Oh sure... he had enough courage to imagine kissing Fraser, while in reality he just stood and stared at his boxer-clad friend.

"Well, as long as you're sure..." He glanced over at the clock on the radio.

"You ready to turn in already?" Ray asked. It was only quarter after nine.

Fraser shook his head. "No... I'm fine."

Ray nodded, and the two of them stood staring at each other for a moment.

Say something, you idiot! Ray thought frantically to himself. And not something stupid, either! "Wanna dance?" Oh, yeah, really smart!

It was Fraser's turn to stare dumbly. "What?"

A slow, romantic song had started playing. More Savage Garden. Now or never, Kowalski. He all but glided over to Fraser.

"Let's dance."

"Ray..."

"What, no one's watching." Ray flashed a 'say-yes-cause-I'm-sexy' smile.

It worked.

"All... right..." Fraser said.

Well, it didn't work perfectly; Fraser had still hesitated. But a few seconds later Ray had his Mountie in his arms and they were dancing, or at least, swaying to the music.

"Stop leadin', Fraser," Ray said softly. He met Fraser's eyes, and almost went weak-kneed at just how blue they were. Luminous. Shining. Oh, God, he was beautiful.

"Ray, I'm used to leading."

"Yeah, well, so am I."

"If two members of the same sex dance together, doesn't the taller one lead?"

"We're the same height."

"Actually, Ray, I am taller." His lips quirked. "We just appear to be the same height because your hair--"

"Are you making fun of my hair?"

"Well... yes."

"That is so un-Mountie-like." Ray grinned, then let go of the hand he was holding to move it to Fraser's back, just below the nape of his neck. He pressed closer. Oh yeah...

"Ray," Fraser whispered.

"Shh, Ben," Ray breathed, closing his eyes. The name just rolled off his tongue perfectly. "Just enjoy it."

Fraser's own hands moved; one to the small of Ray's back, the other one just below his neck. But he said nothing.

"Am I makin' you uncomfortable?" Ray asked, speaking, softly, directly into the Mountie's ear. His hand on Fraser's waist rubbed gently.

Fraser swallowed. "Well, not in an entirely unpleasant way..."

Yes! "Frase... Ben..." They had stopped dancing. Fraser's breathing had deepened, Ray's heart was pounding madly.

"Yes, Ray?"

"I..."

"Ray." The way he said it, just like before, was soft and sweet. "Please..."

It was all the invitation he needed. Ray's lips brushed lightly across Fraser's. The touch was electric, incredible, even for a simple contact like that. Ray shivered slightly, pulling back to look in Fraser's eyes again.

"I was wondering when you were going to do that," Fraser whispered. "I've been waiting for so long." His hand came up to cup the back of Ray's head. "Too long."

They pressed closer to each other; shared the breath in their lungs, their mouths held a mere heartbeat from touching.

Then Fraser's lips descended on Ray's, the sensation hot and wet. Ray gasped for air against Fraser's mouth, his arms tightening around the bigger body as if fearing the Mountie may try to escape.

But Fraser wasn't going anywhere.

His hands roamed over Ray's back, shoulders, arms, feeling the sleek, slender body that was all but burning him. One hand pressed against Ray's back and the other held the back of his head as he deepened the kiss, tasting, devouring Ray's mouth. A low moan escaped Fraser's throat, a growl that sent a tingle down Ray's spine.

Yes... yes, Fraser wanted this as much as he did.

The demand of Fraser's mouth increased, making Ray's head spin, until Ray abruptly surged forward, throwing Fraser slightly off-balance. His mouth still fused to Fraser's, Ray shoved him backward until he pressed Fraser against a wall with his body.

He tore his lips away from Fraser's, making those blue eyes open and blink a few times in surprise. "Ray?" he gasped.

"Want you," Ray whispered, voice husky, lowering his head to suck on Fraser's neck. He gently pressed himself against Fraser, causing them both to gasp, Fraser's eyes falling closed.

"Oh, God," Fraser breathed. "I... Ray, yes, don't stop... what you're doing..." He took Ray's head between his hands and his mouth descended again, capturing Ray's lips in a wet, open-mouthed kiss that was simply electrifying.

It was Fraser who surged forward this time, pushing Ray back towards the bed. Ray pushed back against him, trying to turn Fraser around, as they both struggled for dominance. But the backs of Ray's legs hit the bed and he fell back on it, pinned by the weight of Fraser's body and the magic of that incredible mouth.

Ray ran his hands down Fraser's back, learning the hard curve of muscles under his amazingly smooth skin, then tangled his fingers in the soft, thick strands of Fraser's hair.

They tasted each other hungrily, deeply, passionately, licking at each other's lips, then diving in for deeper contact, tongue sliding across tongue. Fraser moaned again, the sound swallowed into Ray's mouth, then broke their kiss, both of them gasping for air.

Their senses focused solely on each other, neither noticed Dief watching them, a wolfy grin of amusement on his face as he sat back on the chair he had claimed earlier. Finally! It took those two so long to get anything right. He closed his eyes to give the humans some privacy.

Ray stared up into those luminous eyes again, darkened into a deep shade of blue in his desire. Fraser smiled softly.

"Ray..."

"Frase... Ben."

"I love you."

"I know. And I love you."

Time ceased to exist.

Lift me higher, high as heaven can be (sono luminous)
Love is here where it always will be, deep inside of us