Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to me; Cat Madden belongs to Carol Trendall and is used with permission. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV, or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for

profit.

The Soul of a Friend

by Cassandra Hope

Copyright December 1997

Phil quietly filled her coffee cup and returned the coffeepot to the edge of the fire. It would remain warm until the others awakened and stumbled to the fire, then its contents would be consumed with much gusto. She smiled, it was such a tiny chore, but the rewards were immense. She prided herself on creating a good cup of camp coffee although, her conscience was quick to remind her, it helped to bring a good blend along.

Rising to her feet, she stretched and glanced around the tiny camp. The small scattering of tents and tentless sleepers were still weighted down by the darkness of the predawn hour. The rustle and bump of the boats as they swayed with the ebb and flow of the current in the river carried to her over the stillness of the morning air. The twittering of an early morning bird's call punctuated the stillness like gunfire. A touch of early morning fog kissed the surface of the river but Phil could tell that it would dissipate with the sun's rising.

It was nice to see so many people getting a good night's rest. She hadn't had one in several days--not since Ben reentered her life. She sighed, once before she'd experienced

sleepless nights because of him. Why was she letting him get to her? Did she enjoy inflicting this kind of pain on herself? She couldn't keep his love all those years ago. What made her think things had changed? No, it was better for everyone if they didn't try to revive their old relationship. No matter what Cat said, or TJ, or Becka, or Caroline, or even Bob Fraser, without trust there could never be anything between them, and Ben had destroyed her trust years ago. She could never trust her heart with him ever again. Then why was she even thinking these thoughts?

Phil watched the tips of the cliff edges slowly turn to pink as the sun began its daily journey across the desert sky. Taking another glance around the sleeping camp, she wandered down to the river's edge, and watched the pink creep down the cliff face standing above the fog as the sun rose higher. She closed her eyes and hugged herself as dawn worked its wonder on her. So engrossed was she in the dawn that she didn't hear the man who came to stand behind her.

Ben came instantly awake as someone stirred the embers of the fire to life. The unmistakable aroma of coffee soon reached him. He rolled onto his side and watched Phil sip a cup of coffee then stand and walk down to the river, her figure blurring with the wisps of fog. Levering himself up, he quietly pulled on his shoes. The murmur of the river covered the sounds of his footsteps as he came up behind her.

Phil sipped the last of her coffee not quite sure why she was suddenly uneasy. It was as if someone was staring at her. She could feel his eyes on her. It was Ben, of course. She had always been aware of his presence and now was no different. A memory came to her and her hand moved of its own accord. Reaching behind her she captured the arm she knew was there. Drawing it around her, she pulled Ben up against her. She wasn't the least surprised when his other arm joined in encircling her form. Leaning back, she glanced over her shoulder into his face. "What's your excuse for getting up so early, Ben?"

Ben drew Phil against him and buried his face in her hair. It had been too long since she had pulled his arms around her. It was a memory he treasured and to once again experience it...he closed his eyes and swallowed several times. Why did he feel so light-headed? Why was he suddenly afraid that this was just a dream--a dream that would soon end leaving him alone and empty once more? 'Oh God, if this is a dream, please don't let it end,' he prayed. He tightened his hold when the feminine form in his arms turned to face him.

"Ben?" Phil questioned, concerned by the stark pain reflected on Ben's features. Dropping the plastic cup at her feet, she slid her hands around behind him and held him tight. Running a hand up his back, she threaded her fingers in his hair and drew his head down to her shoulder. "Ben? What's the matter?" She felt something flutter in the region of her heart, something that Martin had never touched. Why was she holding Ben so close? Why did she kiss his ear? Why did she whisper soft words of comfort in that same ear?

In a voice hoarse with suppressed emotion, Ben whispered, "Phil? Is this a dream? Are you really here with me?" Ben raised his face and stared down into Phil's. With a thumb he traced the curve of her cheek and the fullness of her lips.

Staring into the depths of his blue eyes, Phil felt her heart skip a beat. She froze as her senses leaped to life. "Ben, I'm firmly convinced that I'm here. It seems to me the question should be: are you here with me?"

Ben smiled as he felt the warmth of her breath on the tips of his fingers. He lowered his head and buried his face in her hair once more searching for the illusive scent of lavender. Half to himself he whispered, "Do you know how good it feels to hold you in my arms again? Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this?"

"Probably about as long as I have." Hard as it was Phil withdrew her arms from around Ben and slid out of his arms. He was so compelling, his magnetism so potent. She could not believe the strength of the longing that filled her to fling herself back in his arms. Bending down, she reclaimed her coffee cup then stepped back another foot, almost stumbling in her haste to retreat from the siren call of his arms. She held the cup in front of her like a shield between her scattered thoughts and the man that caused them.

"Ben, I'm sorry," she spoke in a broken whisper, "I told you at the beginning that I thought it would be better if we ignored each other. I didn't realize just how impossible that was going to be." She lowered her eyes staring at the ground separating their feet. Sighing she raised them back to gaze into Ben's glacier blue eyes. "Ben? What happened to us? Why are we so afraid of each other? We didn't used to be."

Ben shivered at the sudden foggy coolness on his skin. Where there had been the warmth of her breath and her satiny skin now there was only the damp chill of the dawn air. His body ached for her touch. He hugged his arms across his chest, trying to find a semblance of warmth knowing that the effort was futile. His warmth stood not more than a couple of feet away from him but separated by more than 12 years of guilt and regret. Frustrated with his continued longing for the unattainable, he curtly replied, "I think you said it all that first day at Lee's Ferry. We're not the same people we were back then. So many things have happened to both of us. We've both been hurt in the name of love and now we're afraid of getting burned again."

That was exactly what she thought. Afraid of getting burned again...that pretty much described her feelings. "Maybe we should try a little harder to ignore each other." She smiled tremulously knowing just how difficult that task would be.

Ben watched the crooked smile light her face. It felt good to bask in the warmth she generated. He thought of that man in Phil's life. How could he reach her with that man standing between them? He lifted a hand and bridged the distance that separated them, gently cupping her chin.

"Ben, that's not what I had in mind."

He was irresistibly beckoned by the sadness in her eyes. "I know, Phil. I just..." His wish was abruptly cut off by the hails from the early morning crew as it gathered around the coffeepot. He bit down hard on his lower lip.

"We'll discuss this later." Phil huskily whispered then hurried away from him suddenly anxious to escape his disturbing presence.

Ben stared with longing at her retreating back. Each time he saw her, the pull was stronger. If he had followed through with what he wanted...his broad shoulders heaved as he breathed shakily. At least Phil wasn't automatically retreating when he approached her. He comforted himself with the thought that she didn't act like someone in love with another man. Maybe Cat's assertion that he could change her mind was right. Maybe there was hope after all. Excited by the possibilities that posed, Ben followed her to the fire.

"No!" he heard Phil say as he joined the group.

"Have I missed something?" Ben asked as he accepted a cup of coffee from Josie.

Terry motioned with his cup. "We were just trying to convince Phil to pilot one of the dories today."

His left eyebrow rose a fraction. "I thought inexperienced pilots weren't allowed to negotiate the heavier rapids." His left thumb raked across the eyebrow.

Travis's mouth quirked with humor. "Inexperienced pilot? Whatever gave you that idea?" He then turned to Phil. "You haven't told him?"

"Told me what?" There were a lot of things that Phil hadn't told him. Which one was this?

"Yeah, what?" Ray asked as he joined the group around the fire. He accepted a cup of coffee from Carol.

Josie answered for the group. "Spuds is an accomplished river guide." She turned to her husband for confirmation.

Terry pursed his lips and nodded his head. "Yep, Spuds spent a summer with us as one of our pilots. She can handle any rapid in the Canyon."

"Except Lava Falls," Carol added. The long braid down the center of her back shook with merriment.

"Go ahead and remind me, Carol," Phil laughingly scolded her friend.

Ben stared wordlessly across at Phil, his heart pounding. She was an ever-changing mystery. Would she never cease to amaze him with her accomplishments? Not only did she know the geology of the canyon and all the little anecdotes that brought the history of the area to life but also she could apparently handle a dory with the best of them. "You can pilot one of these dories?" he asked in a small voice.

"Well, it's been several years since I actually handled one, Ben, and I don't plan on handling one this trip either." She glared at Travis.

Travis elbowed his brother and nodded smugly at him but it was to Phil he spoke. "I don't blame you, Spuds. It's like I said, 'you're just getting soft'. We understand, don't we?" There were murmurs of agreement from the group around the fire.

"Not you, too?" Phil directed her question at Ron and Brian.

"Can't help it, Spuds. It's such a shame to see someone go to pot..."

Phil cut Brian's response short. "Go to pot? Go to pot!?! Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you. Which dory can I have?" She lifted her chin, meeting their stares head on.

"Which one do you want?" Terry choked on his words.

Phil glanced around the fire and smiled. Those that knew her well trembled when they saw that smile. Travis bent his head and groaned. Carol grinned and patted him on the back.

"I think we're in trouble, Ray," Ben whispered to Ray.

"What makes you think that, Benny?" Ray whispered back.

"Which dory do you think Phil will chose?"

* * *

"Make that a third and fourth, Phil," Ray raised his voice.

"Why? What's going on, Ray? You've never volunteered to ride in another dory unless something was happening?" Jim Trexler queried.

"Phil's piloting the damn thing and I don't want to be anywhere near it when she drives it into a rock or turns it over just to spite Travis."

"Now, Ray, you know I wouldn't do that!" Her wide-eyed innocence was merely a smoke screen and Ray knew it.

"Not unless you thought you could get away with it and I don't want to be there when you do. So, is there anyone that'll change places with me?" Ray spread his hands in a silent plea to the rest of the group.

"I'll trade with you, Ray," Mara volunteered and sauntered over to stand next to Ben.

"Ray?" Ben pleaded with his friend.

"Sorry, Benny, but you're on your own today." Ray turned to Mara. "Thank you, Mara."

"You're not off the hook yet, Ray," Phil said in a silky voice.

"What do you mean?"

"That fourth spot has to be filled before you can trade."

"Damn! I knew this was just too easy. Is there anyone else that will trade with me?" Unfortunately, his luck had run out. One look at the mischief that sparkled in Phil's eyes and no one felt like volunteering to change places with him.

"I'm hurt, really I am. You all act like I don't know what I'm doing. I'll admit I may be a bit rusty." Phil grinned and wagged her eyebrows then continued, "I've heard it's just like riding a bike. You never forget how--at least, that's what I've heard." She batted her eyes demurely.

"You're not instilling much confidence in the group, Phil." There was a trace of laughter in Carol's voice.

"Okay--let me rephrase that. Today will be one of the shorter days on the river. We'll only cover 12 miles. There are only six rapids to negotiate and I've run all of them. Really I have." She spread her hands in an expansive gesture.

"Yeah, but how difficult are they?" Ray wanted to know.

Travis answered, "The rapids in this stretch of the river range from 3 to 8. We've run worse already."

"How many 8's?" Ray persisted.

"Ray, don't you trust me?"

He nodded dubiously. "Yeah, about as much as I trust the Mountie and I know he's trying kill me." Those close enough to hear chuckled heartily.

"Well, I promise not to intentionally kill you, Ray. I can't vouch for accidentally, though," she added as an afterthought.

He threw his hands up in disgust. "I knew it, I just knew it. I shoulda never come on this trip! Benny, why do I let you talk me into these things?"

"Because..."

"It's always those puppy dog eyes..."

"Because..."

"...and that innocent, 'who me?' look..."

"Because..."

"...and...and...what did I do to deserve this?"

"Because you're my friend, Ray."

The simple statement stopped Ray dead in his tracks. That was the simple, unvarnished truth. He was here because Ben was his best friend. Grudgingly, he answered his friend, "Okay, Benny, but you owe me big time and I mean to collect."

Ben leaned closer to Ray. "Could I impose something additional from you?"

"As long as it doesn't involve murder or mayhem." Ray closed his eyes and rested his face in his hands.

Ray's head came up and his eyes widened in disbelief. "River running? Benny, I don't believe one word of that. You just don't want to fend off dear Mara's advances, do you?"

Ben stiffened, momentarily abashed. "I'd rather not, Ray."

The hazel eyes narrowed and hardened. "Why don't you tell her to fuck off?"

"That wouldn't be polite, Ray."

Ray watched the blush color Ben's face as Mara slithered up to them and wrapped her arms around one of Ben's.

"I guess I'll have to find something to occupy your mind today, Benton," she positively oozed at him. Ben's pleading eyes sought Ray's.

Ray sighed deeply. Honestly, her blatant overtures toward Benny were starting to get on his nerves as well. Taking one of her arms, he unwrapped her from around Ben. "Sorry, Mara, but you'll have to keep me occupied. Benny and Travis plan on discussing river running." He led her away from Ben. Looking over his shoulder, he called back to his friend, "You owe me," but Ben had already made his escape. Ray caught sight of him headed in the direction of the rafts. Seeing who was already there, he smiled.

"What was that all about?" Phil asked as Ben joined her at Carol's raft.

"Ray just saved me from spending the day fending off Ms. Taylor's hands." He continued to glance over his shoulder not quite sure that he'd actually escaped her unwanted attentions.

Tilting her head to one side, she stole a slanted look at him. "Ben, you're just too damn good looking for you own good. I can understand Mara perfectly."

"You mean you'd like to touch me the way she wants to?" His voice was smooth, but insistent.

The smoldering flames she saw in his eyes startled her. "I didn't say that!"

'You didn't have to, Phil,' Ben thought. It was exactly what he wanted to do to her. His gaze dropped from her eyes to her shoulders to her breasts. His eyes became hooded as he pictured his hands roaming over Phil's satin skin followed by his lips and tongue. A wave of desire brought a flush to his cheeks and he turned away before Phil could read the desire in his eyes.

Phil felt the attraction sizzle between them. He was ruggedly handsome in the T-shirt hugging his broad shoulders and the khaki shorts that exposed his muscular legs. Her breath caught in her throat as her mind supplied her with another image altogether. She quickly thrust that image of a lesser-clad Ben to the back of her mind. She dropped her eyes before he could read her thoughts

"Here you go, Phil." Carol handed her a pair of well-worn gloves wondering what she'd stumbled into. She cast an inquiring gaze at her friend.

Turning away from Ben, she deliberately shut out any awareness of him. Accepting the gloves from Carol, she slipped them on and flexed her fingers. Her smile widened in approval. "Thanks, Carol. I'd hate to think of the blisters I'd have if you didn't have a spare pair."

"And I'd hate to have to treat them. I'll have the horse liniment ready for you this evening. You're going to be one huge walking ache," she teased, content to wait for another time to question Phil.

"I know and I'd back out of this but..." Phil dropped her eyes and fiddled with the gloves on her hands.

"But you have something to prove, don't you?" Carol grinned in merriment.

Travis dropped his hands and squinted up at her. Sighing heavily, he muttered, "Yeah, but I'm not."

"You were the one who started this. It's too late to back out now." Now that she had committed herself to piloting the dory, Phil eagerly looked forward to it. A little over two years had passed since her last trip through the Canyon and she had missed the opportunity to take one of the small boats in hand. There were several times as Ben piloted the dory that she had been tempted to offer some advice. She had held back not wanting to encourage a closer relationship. Now though...she turned speculative eyes on her companion. What did she want now?

* * *

Travis groaned. "We haven't hit Spectre or Bedrock yet, let alone Dubendorf. If you remember, Spuds, the last time you ran this set of rapids you dumped everybody in Dubendorf."

"Well, they were making snide comments about my abilities...and after the brilliance of my performance at Bedrock and Spectre." Phil shrugged dismissively and brought the oars around for another stroke.

Laughter floated up from his throat. "Yeah, I heard some of that performance at Bedrock." He turned to Ben. "Honestly, you should've heard the things she called that rock there in that eddy. I could've sworn it blushed each time she came around."

"Well, you just better hope we avoid that eddy this trip or I may have to use some more of those 'colorful metaphors'." Phil grinned at the two men in the stern. Sitting with her back to the bow she was forced to stare at Ben and Travis. The similarity between them was startling. Ben was darkly handsome, Travis ruggedly bronze. Both men had asked her to marry him. She had accepted Ben's proposal and refused Travis'. It was ironic; of the three of them, Travis was the only one that had married.

"Colorful metaphors?" Ben asked, unaware of Phil's casual scrutiny.

Phil drew her thoughts away from dangerous ground and grinned again at Travis. "Yeah, Carol taught me a bunch of them. She said the ability to use profanity properly was a skill lacking in many people. She thought I was particularly inept and proceeded to show me the proper way to swear."

"Carol swears?" Ben's brows flickered a bit.

"Not as much as she used to," Travis hastened to apologize for his wife.

"That's right, Travis. You've managed to tame that part of her..." Phil paused before adding, "...not much else though."

"True, Spuds. But just you wait," he leaned forward and patted her knee. "Someday someone will take you in hand and tame some of the wildness in you."

Phil's smile did not reach her eyes. They sought Ben's eyes and locked with his. "That'll be the day, Travis. That'll be the day."

Ben saw the smile but read the hurt in her eyes. What could he possibly say that would remove some of the pain he saw there? "I think, Travis, that whoever falls in love with Phil will love the wildness in her and not try to change her. I know I wouldn't."

Startled, Phil dropped her eyes from Ben's. She briefly recalled something Martin had said--something about smoothing her rough edges. At the time it had angered her. Now she knew why.

Travis watched the interaction between Phil and Ben. Something was going on here and he wondered what it could be. He gave Ben a considering look. Was it possible that they were falling in love with each other? He liked what he had seen of the Mountie. He would make a good match for Phil--if she could only get over that man in her past.

The boom of approaching rapids drew each from their contemplation. Ray stared ahead at 128 Mile Rapids then shifted around and called back to Phil, "Phil, we're getting back into that black shit that I didn't like. Why didn't you tell me there was more of it?"

Phil laughed as she called over her shoulder, "I did tell you, Ray. I told you yesterday before we left the metamorphics at Walthenberg Rapid that Powell's group kept on getting back into the 'granite' and each time they debated whether or not to leave the canyon or continue on."

"Well, does that mean we're in for some more bad rapids like we had in that last section?"

"Well, Ray, that all depends." Phil laughed as she bent to the oars.

"Depends on what?" Ray was afraid to ask but, recalling that morning above Unkar, he figured he needed to be prepared.

"It all depends on what you consider bad. There won't be anything like Crystal or Hance or Hermit, but this section does have its own unique rapids."

"Such as?"

"Oh...Spectre, Bedrock, Dubendorf, Upset..."

"Upset? Don't tell me let me guess, that one got its name because someone's boat got turned over, didn't it?" he growled out.

Phil chuckled. "I'll tell you that story after we get through 128, Ray." Although rated an 8 in high water, 128 wasn't considered a difficult rapid. The small group of dories and rafts negotiated 128 with little effort.

Safely through, Phil shipped the oars and turned to answer Ray's question. "Upset Rapids was named by the 1923 U.S. Geological Survey expedition that surveyed the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. It was the last stretch of the river to be surveyed in detail."

"Yeah, so what does that have to do with Upset?"

"The head boatman for the group was the legendary Emery Kolb. His boat capsized in an unnamed rapid. That event gave the Survey guys the name for the rapid--Upset Rapid. You don't need to worry, though, Ray." She grinned crookedly. "We won't hit Upset until tomorrow. Today we have to deal with Spectre, Bedrock, and Dubendorf."

"Why'd you have to remind me?" Ray moaned. Everyone laughed at Ray's evident displeasure.

"Don't sweat it, Spuds. It happens to the best of us. Too bad Bedrock is next. We'll check the damage when we pull ashore above it."

"Whadda ya mean 'too bad Bedrock is next'?" Ray rose from the seat and, placing his hands on the cockpit, leaned on them.

Phil grinned over her shoulder at Ray. "Bedrock's a big rock in the middle of the river that's hard to get around. There's this side stream that enters on the right bringing in more and more debris. You can't get around the debris and get around the rock. Many boats have overturned there." She turned back to the men in the stern. Smiling coyly and batting her eyelashes, she said, "I haven't lost anyone in Bedrock...yet."

Sensing an opportunity to change seats, Mara also stood in the bow. As Phil dipped an oar in the water the resultant motion causing the bow to swing slightly to the right. Mara collapsed back on the seat, her lips puckered with annoyance.

Ray dropped back down onto his seat, placing his face in his hands. "First Hance, then Crystal, now Bedrock and Upset. What more can go wrong?"

Mara wrapped her arms around him and gazed defiantly at the men in the stern. "What ever it is, Ray, we'll get through it together!"

Shipping the oars once more, the dory drifted down the river joining the others in the small flotilla taking advantage of the smooth water. "Well, Ray, we haven't seen Lava Falls yet." Phil loved teasing him. She knew Ray would have a snappy rejoinder for anything she threw at him. It was great to meet someone who could give and take as well as she could.

Phil approached the group. "Travis, do you want to take over for me?"

Travis grinned and pushed his cap to the back of his head. "No, Spuds, you're doing just fine. Things like this happen all the time. I'll just dock your pay for the damages." His grin widened. "Besides, I'm enjoying the day off and you know Ray needs something to complain about."

"Thanks, Travis," Phil cooed, sarcasm dripped from her voice.

A few of those colorful metaphors made it to the surface before she could stifle them. "Damn, that rock is still there. I thought somebody was going to dynamite it a couple of years ago." Glaring at Travis, she powelled away from the boulder.

"We could never get a permit, Spuds."

It was with some relief that the small group approached Tapeats Creek. Night would be spent here above Tapeats Rapid. The group beached their craft and went about setting up camp. Lunch was consumed then several groups split off to investigate the river at this location.

Phil approached Ray. "Ray, could I take you up on your invitation of yesterday?"

Ray cocked his head. "What invitation would that be, Phil? The hike or the marriage proposal?"

Phil laughed softly. "After I tried to 'kill' you today? I can't believe you'd still want to marry me!"

"I forgive you for scaring the shit outta me, Phil. Just promise me you won't do it again."

"I'll try not to, Ray...but no promises." She schooled her face to an expressionless mask but her dark eyes glittered with amusement.

Ray studied her face noting the patented innocent expression. He briefly rested his forehead in the palm of his hand, before saying, in no uncertain terms, "In that case, my invitation is for a hike not marriage!"

"That's what I thought it was, Ray." Phil grinned at him then motioned toward the creek and the canyon it flowed from. "I'd like to hike up to Thunder River and I thought you might like to accompany me." She glanced in the direction of the camp where Mara was once again playing up to Ben.

Ray followed her line of sight and watched the goings-on with some disgust. "Phil, I've never been one to discourage the advances of a lovely lady, but I've about had it with that 'lady'. Can't she take a hint? I can't believe that Ben thinks it would be impolite of him to tell her to fuck off."

"Fuck off?" Phil's mouth dropped open in astonishment. "I can't believe he said that."

"He didn't. I just think he should. There ought to be a law against lascivious acts perpetrated on poor overly polite Mounties." As far as he was concerned Mara could hit on any guy in the group as long as they were receptive. Ben wasn't.

In spite of herself, Phil chuckled. "I wouldn't worry about him, Ray. When he's had enough, he'll stop it. But I can see your point." She glanced back at the camp in time to see Mara trip and knock Ben to the ground. Luckily for the girl, she landed on top. Now she didn't seem especially interested in getting up.

Ray growled low in his throat. It was a primal sound and startled Phil. "Ray?" She asked as she placed a hand on his arm forestalling Ray's precipitous departure.

Ray's face as he turned it to Phil barely concealed the anger seething just below the surface. "Phil, Benny's not up to fending off that...that child's attentions. I just hope she hasn't injured his back again."

"His back?"

"Yeah, he injured it in an explosion a couple of months ago. This trip is part of his medical leave."

With a guilty start, Phil recalled that hospital stay as her eyes flew to Ben and Mara. Ben had managed to move from beneath the girl and now stood above her offering a helping hand up. An unconscious movement brought his hand to the small of his back. Phil's heart lurched. Had he re-injured his back? Biting her lip, she made a decision. "Ray, Dave and the students are going to be digging a trench this afternoon. Mara will be occupied with the research. You can bring Ben along on our hike if you want to."

Sure enough, Dave McMillian called his students together and Mara reluctantly left Ben's side. Even from a distance they could tell that Ben was relieved that Mara was gone. He cast his gaze around finally spying Ray and Phil together.

Ray intercepted his gaze. "If I want? Somehow I don't think he'd let me take off with you by myself. What have you done to him?"

"Me? I've done nothing, Ray."

"Well, he certainly doesn't like for me to be alone with you. Just look at him." Phil glanced over her shoulder to regard the Mountie in question. Sure enough, if you knew how to read Ben's expressions you could tell he wasn't a happy camper.

Phil resolutely turned away from him. "He doesn't own me, Ray. No matter what he says or does, he doesn't have any claim on me. And that's the way I want it. There's nothing between us anymore."

Ray studied Phil's features and drew his own conclusions. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than him. As much as both of them protested, Ray knew that something still blazed beneath their stoic exteriors. He hoped that they could work through their differences before this trip ended. Why did Benny have to fall in love with someone as stubborn as he was?

Maybe he was going about this the wrong way. Maybe the direct approach was the wrong approach. Ray nodded slightly. Getting these two back together needed a special touch--a special, devious touch--a special 'Vecchio' touch. Frannie was good but Ray was the 'Master'. Ben and Phil would never know what hit them.

* * *

The trio hiked up Tapeats Creek to where Thunder River joined Tapeats. Thunder River gushed from the canyon walls as a series of springs, the water falling to the canyon floor below the cliff, becoming one of the shortest rivers in the world.

"This is extraordinary, Phil," Ben whispered in awe.

"It makes the hike up here worth the effort. Can you believe that many people just go right on by and pass up the opportunity to see this?" She shook her head in amazement. Pointing to the outlet of the spring-fed river, she continued, "Several years ago, I climbed up there with Travis

and Terry and we made our way back into the cliff face. There's a huge cavern system back there."

"I didn't know that." Ben stared at the cliff face and the huge fount of water leaping from its shear face.

"It's not common knowledge and it's too dangerous for most people to do. There's a tiny ledge you have to creep along and the water rushes by so fast and the spray makes the ledge slick..." she paused momentarily remembering her panic, "I slipped and, if Travis hadn't caught me, I would have shot out that opening and...well, I wouldn't be here. That's one experience I don't want to repeat."

"Like falling off a cliff?" Ben tilted his head and grinned openly at her.

Panic forgotten, Phil eyes sparkled with humor as she nodded her head. "Exactly!"

Ray reached for Phil's camera. "Here, let me get a picture of you and Benny and I won't take no!" Phil grudgingly relinquished her camera and stood next to Ben with the waterfall as a backdrop. Ray motioned for them to stand closer together. Ben sighed and inched slightly closer to Phil. Another wave from Ray and Phil inched slightly closer to Ben.

Ray shook his head and dropped the camera from his face. "Okay, folks, either you stand closer together or we'll be here all night." Phil glanced up at Ben and shimmied a bit closer. Ray took another sighting through the viewfinder of the small camera. Close--but not quite what he had in mind. "Okay, Benny put your arm around Phil and smile. Act like you're having a good time."

Ben glanced sideways at Phil. He could see right through what Ray was trying to do. Out of the side of his mouth, he whispered, "I'm sorry, Phil, but if we don't do what he says he'll keep at it." He slowly slid his arms around Phil's slender form noticing the way she stiffened in his hold.

Phil struggled to calm her rapidly beating heart. Ben didn't help matters any by leaning down and whispering in her ear, "Relax, Phil. I won't bite."

The humor of the situation struck her forcibly and she chuckled. Relaxing in his arms, Phil glanced over her shoulder. "Yeah, but I might!" Ben joined her in laughing.

Ray smiled as he took the photo. At least they weren't starring daggers at each other. Lowering the camera he watched his two friends tease each other. If they could just work through their differences, Ray knew that Phil was the solution to Benny's problems. "Okay, okay. Don't you think it's time to head back?" Ray rubbed his stomach. "I'm getting a little hungry."

The trio started back to the camp on the Colorado. Ray watched Phil and Ben chatter as they followed the trail back down Tapeats Creek.

"Phil," Ben called and motioned for her to join him. His hands cupped a red and yellow flower.

"Columbine," Phil touched the flower. "My favorite."

"I know," Ben replied.

Ray watched the interaction between Ben and Phil as they stopped for a moment. Time for another tactic. He slid up between Ben and Phil effectively separating the couple. Ben followed along behind Ray and Phil, slowly simmering.

"Shit!" Ray dropped to the trail and pulled his shoe off. "Damn these rocks anyway!" Ray shook his shoe liberating a small pebble. "Sorry, Phil, I hope that wasn't one of your personal friends."

Phil bent and scooped up the offending pebble. "Nope, don't recognize it, Ray." She placed it in the pocket of her shorts. "I'll give it a good home anyway." Ray stared at her, mouth agape. Shaking his head, he pulled on his shoe and climbed to his feet.

Ben held back and waited his chance. As Ray climbed to his feet, he slid into position between Ray and Phil.

Phil found it amusing to watch the two men jockey for position beside her on the narrow trail. Arriving at a wider spot in the trail she turned to regard the duo. "Would you two settle down? I don't want to end up in the creek!"

Ben casually glanced at the creek below them, his hand waving slightly. He continued to stare down at the water below. "This looks like an excellent place for a swim, Phil."

"It is, Ben. I just don't want to get my clothes wet because one of you jostled me off the trail." Phil drew next to him on the edge of the trail curious as to what was holding his attention. Laughter drifted up to her as she spotted Terry and Josie enjoying one of the few quiet pools of water that existed for the whole length of Tapeats.

"Join us, Phil, Ben, Ray! The water's great!" Terry called up to the trio on the trail above him. He gulped in a deep breath of air and sunk out of sight. Moments later, Josie was pulled under. She resurfaced with a laughing Terry beside her.

Phil shook her head. "Can't you two behave yourselves? Honestly, you act like a couple of teenagers."

"As if you never did anything fun, Spuds. Lighten up or you'll turn into an old prune," Josie called back.

"As if anyone would care," Phil muttered to herself.

Ben stared at Ray over Phil's head. Ray stared back. They had both caught Phil's mumbled comment. Silent agreement passed between the two men. Ray's face split into

a wide grin; Ben's smile was much more subdued but it was present nonetheless. With one accord they both gave Phil a gentle push.

The hands in the middle of her back caught her by surprise. Phil tottered on the edge of the trail flailing her arms trying to maintain her balance. She twisted around and her hands connected with fabric--T-shirt fabric to be exact. A reflexive action clamped her hands around the fabric and as she toppled off the trail into the pool below she pulled both Ray and Ben with her.

Phil was the first to surface. She sputtered and shook the wet hair out of her eyes. Someone, and she knew exactly who, was going to pay for this. No...make that two someones.

Ray surfaced next, sputtering loudly. "That's not the way it's supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to pull me in, too."

Terry and Josie swam over to Phil and Ray. They were both laughing. "What happened, Spuds? It looked like you did a back flip off the trail and pulled them in with you."

Phil looked around. Ben hadn't surfaced yet. Where was he? "I was pushed, Terry. Plain and simple." She treaded water looking for Ben. "Have you seen Ben? I can't..." but her words were lost as she disappeared from view only to appear moments later sputtering and choking on the water she'd swallowed.

Ben surfaced behind her and patted her on the back. "I'm sorry, Phil." But the look he gave the group said otherwise.

"What's going on here?" All faces turned to see Carol and Travis on the trail above them.

"I'm about to decrease the compliment of this group by two," Phil called up to them.

"Oh really, Spuds? What have they done to you now?"

"They pushed me in here." Her voice sounded with righteous indignation.

"Oh, I see. A little retribution for what you dished out today." Travis called down to Ben and Ray, "I wish you'd waited for me and I would've helped." The group chuckled together.

"Not you, too, Travis?" Phil just knew there was a conspiracy afoot. "Carol? Are you going to let him get away with that?"

"There's not much I can do, Phil," she called down to her friend. Phil saw the grin and waited expectantly. Sure enough, Carol nudged her laughing husband over the edge. A flailing Travis splashed heavily into the waters of the pool. "Will that do?" she called down.

"That'll do just fine, Carol. Thanks." Phil swam to the shore and waded out. Carol joined her and they turned to watched Travis and Terry wrestling with each other.

"Arseholes!" Carol shrugged off-handedly. She and Phil waited while Josie joined them on the bank. They watched as Ben and Ray joined in the wrestling match.

"You can say that again!" Phil agreed. Carol and Josie nodded their heads in agreement.

"Shall we head back and get some dinner started?" Phil and Carol nodded to Josie. They left the men playing in the pool.

The three women had hiked many of the trails in the Canyon together and they fell into the familiar pattern. Phil took the lead with Carol and Josie bringing up the rear. She did not see the looks that passed between Carol and Josie. Finally, Josie elbowed Carol into taking the step that they both wanted.

"Phil, hold up a minute, will you?" Carol raised her voice to attract Phil's attention.

Phil stopped and waited as Carol and Josie caught up with her. Noticing the glances shared by her friends, Phil asked, "What is it? What's cooking in those fertile minds? Carol? Josie?" The two women shifted from foot to foot, neither quite wanting to broach the subject.

Finally, Carol drew in a deep breath and began, "Josie and I wanted to have a private talk with you."

Not quite sure what this private talk entailed, Phil encouraged Carol to speak up. "This appears to be pretty private here. What's the matter?"

Carol glanced at Josie. "We wanted to know what's going on between you and Ben."

"Me and Ben?" Phil had known that her friends would catch on sooner or later. She told Carol about Ben yesterday but that small tidbit wasn't enough.

"Phil...we're your friends. We're concerned about you."

"I know, Josie. It's just that it's hard for me to discuss Ben with anyone." She turned and started back down the trail then stopped and turned back to her friends. "I'll try to explain to you while we hike back to camp." Carol and Josie closed in on Phil.

Phil's thoughts filtered back to the day she first met Benton Fraser. In a voice that seemed to come from a long way off, Phil began, "I met Ben back in 1984 when I was finishing up my doctorate and working with Rocky Mountain Rescue. I was called out on a rescue and the only other team member available was a very green summer trainee from Canada."

"Ben?"

"Ben." Phil sighed. The memories were bittersweet. Maybe sharing them with her friends would help remove the last of the bitterness from them. She recounted that first rescue at Thunder Basin and how their love has blossomed over the summer. "I got a letter from him that ended our

engagement. I was devastated but I managed to get over him." Even Carol and Josie didn't know about Lindy and she wasn't about to tell them now. That was one memory that she shared with very few people.

"So every fucking man you've ever dated failed to measure up to Ben?" Carol asked. Phil nodded. "Even Travis and Terry?"

"Well, to be fair, Carol, Terry was already married and Travis was meant for someone else. I have always know that Ben was..." Her voice faltered, shocked at what she had almost said. She stopped on the trail and tilted her head back to stare at the sky above her. "Dammit, Carol. I

thought I was over him. Yet, whenever I look at him I remember all the things we had together. I hate these moments of regret. I know we can't go back to what we had and frankly I don't know if we can go forward. I just don't trust him anymore."

"What about this bastard you're seeing now? What are you going to tell him?"

"I don't honestly know, Carol. Why can't I fall in love with someone else? Why can't I love Martin enough to marry him?" She gulped hard, surprised by the sudden onslaught of tears. She would not cry. She'd already cried more over Ben than he deserved. She wouldn't waste any more tears on him.

"It's pretty obvious to me that there is still something between you and Ben. How are you going to work this out?" Josie added her concerns to Carol's.

Phil ran her hands over her cheeks checking for any wetness. "I don't know, Josie. I've promised Ben that after this trip is over and I don't have the responsibilities of the group to worry about, we'll sit down and talk things over. I honestly don't know what will come of it. I just know that I can't handle whatever it is I'm feeling for him while this trip is on. After it's over I'll work through them but not until then."

"Do you think you can?" Carol placed an arm around Phil.

Touched by the concern mirrored in Carol's blue eyes, Phil shrugged. "God, I don't know Carol. I wish I did, I just..." She swallowed fighting the tears that burned at the back of her eyes. It was a losing battle.

Carol wrapped her arms around Phil's shaking form. Josie joined her and the three women hugged each other. Phil drew strength from the love of her friends. Carol and Josie offered their love and understanding to their confused friend.

Tears blinding her and choking her voice, Phil whispered, "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"I do, Phil, and I think you do, too," Carol sympathized.

Phil drew herself up to her full 5 foot 8 inch height. Savagely, she wiped at her tears with the backs of her hands. "Maybe, but I can't deal with that now. Not now."

"No. But you will have to deal with it. Sooner or later, Phil, or it will drive you crazy."

Phil nodded at the truth to those words. Sooner or later, she would have to deal with her feelings for Ben. She would have to open that dark compartment in the back of her heart and examine what she found there. What would she find? She shied away from those thoughts. She wasn't ready to deal with what she might find there. No, right now she had to deal with Ben's continued presence on this trip and the little incidents like Thunder River that jolted her well controlled state-of-mind. Only after all of this was behind her could she open up to those feelings and once-and-for-all find out what she wanted from Ben.

* * *

Ray watched Ben and Phil avoid each other. The campfire session passed without so much as a glance between the two. What had happened since this afternoon? He had been with

Ben all day so whatever it was it had happened to Phil. When she stood and strolled in the direction of the river, he rose and followed her.

Ben watched Ray follow after Phil. He debated whether or not to follow him. No, he trusted Ray and he trusted Phil. He knew there was still something between Phil and himself. He just had to trust that whatever it was was stronger than whatever happened between Phil and Ray. He sent one final glance after Ray then turned and half-heartedly joined in the singing. Even Mara's continued presence didn't faze him tonight. His thoughts were with his two friends down on the river.

Ray found Phil seated on a rock at the water's edge. Her feet were awash in the flow of the river. "Mind if I join you?"

Phil glanced over her shoulder. Sighing she indicated that Ray should join her on her rock. She really wanted to be left alone but somehow that never seemed possible on one of these trips. Someone was always demanding a piece of her time.

Ray removed his shoes and settled onto the rock at Phil's side. His feet joined hers in the waters of the Colorado. "If I'm disturbing you, I'll leave." He had read the reticence in Phil's response.

Phil sat back and shook her head. Running a hand through her hair, she smiled at Ray. He smiled back. He knew few women who could look attractive with no makeup, hair mussed, and clothes that had seen the better light of day. Phil wore all of this with little effort. It was as if she

cared little for appearances. "How do you do it?" he asked in genuine puzzlement.

"Do what?" She stared at him, baffled.

"Look so beautiful." His gaze was as soft as a caress.

"What? What in the world are you talking about, Ray?"

With a glint of wonder in his eyes, he ran a finger across Phil's cheek. "You don't wear makeup unless you want to call that white goop on your nose makeup, your hair's a mess, and your clothes...Armani they ain't. All those little things that women do to make themselves attractive--you don't do them, yet you are one of the most attractive women I've ever met. How do you do it?"

"Ray, I think you're just starved for female companionship. I may be passable but I'm not beautiful. I never have been. I've known that all my life and I've learned to live with it. I..." Her further comments were stilled by Ray's gentle fingers resting against her lips.

"I won't have you running down one of my friends, Phil." He felt her smile through his fingers. "I say you're beautiful. You remind me of someone I once knew. She loved the outdoors like you do and she was beautiful. I saw her all made-up and plain faced and, you know, I'd take her plain face over the made-up one any day." His memories of Casey Sinclair fought their way to the surface. He missed her more than he cared to admit but she was gone from his life.

"It sounds to me like you really miss this woman. What happened?" Phil's ears perked up. Maybe now she would find out why Ray had never returned for Casey.

As the image focused in his memory, he could see clearly again. He bowed his head and spoke from the depths of his heart. "I was assigned to protect her and I failed. She was injured and when she recovered she moved as far from Chicago as she could get." Ray rested his face in his hands recalling the aftermath of that attack. "I miss her, Phil. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I miss her."

"Have you ever thought about hunting her up?" It was hard to keep the glee out of her voice. Yes, yes, yes! He still cared for Casey.

Ray shrugged and shook his head slowly. "No. She doesn't want to see me. I failed her."

That wasn't the story she'd heard from Casey. What was going through Ray's mind? She rested a hand on his shoulder. Now came the moment of truth. "Does this woman have a name?"

Ray glanced at Phil. Why did he feel like talking with her about Casey? Suddenly, he knew he needed to say the things that weighted his soul. "Her name is Casey...Casey Sinclair. She's a romance novelist--writes under the penname, Cassandra Hope. Have you heard of her?"

Had she heard of her? Phil could barely contain her elation. He had actually done it--actually admitted he loved Casey. Having come to know Ray over the course of the past week, Phil was happy that he was that man--the man Casey claimed would eventually find his way back to her. She leaned forward placing her hands on knees and stared at her bare feet awash in the water of the river. Tilting her head slightly, she said, "Ray, I know who you are."

Ray turned his head just enough so he could see Phil's face. "What do you mean by that?" Phil's crooked smile blossomed and Ray drew in a breath as he watched it transform her passable features into something that stirred his blood.

"I know who you are, Ray. I know all about you and Casey."

"How...how do you know that?"

"Casey's sister, Beth, is married to my brother. Casey is one of my closest friends. I've known her for years. Her son, Trevor, has stayed with me when he visited Chi...where I live." She'd almost slipped and let Ray know she lived in Chicago. Glancing at Ray she noted his mouth hanging open in disbelief. Chuckling slightly, she said, "How's that for strange coincidences?"

"Strange doesn't even begin to describe it. What do you think the odds are of us knowing someone like that?" Ray paused and turned his face away from Phil. Nervously, he studied his hands then quietly said, "Next time you see her, tell her I still think about her."

"I will, Ray. Next time I see her, I'll pass on your message." Phil made a mental note to have a long talk with Casey. Now that she'd gotten to know Ray she could understand how Casey could love him. Maybe some gentle urging in the right direction would help. Cat's visage invaded her mind as she remembered that Cat had tried to do the same for her. 'I'm sorry, Cat, I really treated you badly and all you were trying to do was help me find the love I lost.' That thought jolted her. The love she had lost? Ben? She was drawn out of her thoughts by Ray's gentle

chuckle.

"Thanks, Phil. So...you're heading out to Edge of the Earth some time soon?" He gazed across the river, his eyes misty and wistful.

"I probably won't head out there until Christmas. The family's gathering there this year. I did spend part of July out there. The Hope's have become like a second family to me. In fact, I once dated their son, Lloyd. I should have married him. We had many things in common." 'But the spark wasn't there,' she thought to herself.

"Lloyd Hope? Is this the same guy that Cat has taken up with? Why didn't you marry him?" So Benny had competition. That was good to know.

"We weren't right for each other. We've remained good friends and, I can honestly say that I'm glad he's finally met the right woman. Cat and he are so perfect for each other."

"Are they? I don't know this Lloyd fellow but I got to know Cat when she was in Chicago visiting Benny over the Christmas holidays. In fact, I was the one who recommended Edge of the Earth to her. She spent several days there before heading home." He cast a speculative glance at Phil. Maybe he could find out a bit more about her relationship with Ben. "I don't know what was going on between Ben and her. They seemed to argue all the time. All I could get out of Cat was that Benny had some strange ideas about something. I thought it might be about Victoria but Cat said it wasn't." He watched Phil as he continued his story, "She finally said it was about someone else--someone Benny refused to admit he loved. She was really fried." Ray smiled inwardly when Phil flinched. Cat had said that this woman was special. Was that woman Phil? If so, he could understand why Cat had tried to talk some sense into Benny.

Phil thought back to Cat's visit. It all made sense now. So...she hadn't gone home like she said. She had gone out to Edge of the Earth and met Lloyd. She smiled. Cat and Lloyd. Cat had finally met her soul mate and Lloyd had met his, too. Had Lloyd told Cat about their short relationship? All that no longer mattered. Cat and Lloyd were happy. Then why was she not happy for them? She was, but, at the same time, a long familiar ache settled into the region of her

heart and she wondered if she would ever meet her soul mate. She thought she had met him years ago, but Ben had left her. Why couldn't she meet someone who would help her forget that

blue-eyed Mountie?

Ray watched the flitting emotions pass across Phil's face. Maybe he could get something out of her. His hand came down over hers possessively. "Are you all right, Phil? You suddenly got quiet."

"I'm fine, Ray. Yeah, I know...fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. I'm all of those and more." Withdrawing her hand, she patted his knee. "I'm just a little envious of them. I guess that's what upset me when I learned of their relationship."

"Upset you?"

"Yeah, you know, moments of regret and all that."

Ray placed an arm around Phil's shoulders and drew her close to him. Phil laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I'm glad you and Ben came on this trip. I'm glad I've had the chance to get to know you."

Ray gently placed a kiss on her forehead. "I should be thanking you, Phil. I've discovered that Ben's friends are the best kind to have."

"Thank you, Ray. I don't make friends easily and I'd be proud to call you my friend." She chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Not funny--more ironic. I have made some very deep friendships on these Canyon trips, Ray. I'm glad that I found yours."

"Me too, Phil. But..."

"But what?" Phil raised her head from his shoulder and turned to face him.

"But what about Benny?"

"Ray...let's not talk about him right now. Please?" A hint of panic edged her voice.

Ray smiled then nodded his head. He leaned back propping himself up with his hands on the rock. He watched the final reds of the sunset turn to purple then darken to black in the walls of the canyon opposite them. He smiled at a fragment of poetry that crossed his mind. Benny wasn't the only one who could recite poetry.

"What is it, Ray?" Phil had noticed the spark in Ray's eyes in the dying sunlight.

"Oh, nothing...I just remembered a piece of a poem and I thought of just how appropriate it was."

"I'm a sucker for poetry, Ray. What is it?" Phil encouraged.

Ray sat up and smiled down at her. He took her into his arms and whispered into her ear:

Phil smiled back at him and sliding her hands up behind his head she pulled his face down for a kiss. "I told you I was a sucker for poetry, Ray. That was lovely. Thank you for sharing it with me." The next kiss was deeper and infinitely more satisfying. Each knew that the other was

longing for a different person to kiss. But, for this moment in time, they found solace in each other's arms.

* * *

To be continued (?)

***Excerpted from Major John Wesley Powell's 'First Through the Grand Canyon'

### Carrie Jacobs Bond--A Perfect Day

Copyright December 1997 Cassandra Hope

1. On a Collision Course--Redux
2. Second Chances
3. A Cop, a Mountie, and a Dory
4. Canyon Interlude by Carol Trendall
5. Rhyme of a Not-so-Ancient Mariner
6. Down the Valley of the Shadow
7. The Heart Remembers
8. You Call This Lucky?
9. Ghost of a Chance
10. The Soul of a Friend