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Inspired by packing for college. (Again)
Sarah McLachlan, "Sweet Surrender"
Doesn't mean much, doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me is a cold room
I've crossed the last line from where I can return
where every step I took in faith betrayed me
and led me from my home
sweet surrender is all that I have
take me in no questions asked
you strip away the ugliness that surrounds me
are you an angel? Am I already that gone?
I only hope that I won't disappoint you
I'm down here on my knees
sweet surrender, sweet surrender is all that I have
I don't understand how the touch of your hand...
I would be the one to fall and it's the little things,
I miss everything about you.
It doesn't mean much, it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me is a cold room
sweet surrender is all that I have
sweet surrender is all that I have to give.
You turn your back and everything seems to multiply. What you thought would fit in one last box will now require at least seven. And then, of course, you give yourself a hernia carrying them to the car, which is only aggravated by driving forever.
Finally there's only one item left to pack and I put it on the dashboard of the Riv. It's my favorite picture of him. We're standing outside the Consulate, he's on guard duty, unmoving, and I've got my arm around him. I tracked down the tourists who took it and finagled a copy of it from them. I like the smile on my face. I like the image we present-two guys together against the world.
I couldn't take that picture with me while I was undercover--too dangerous. And I haven't let it out of my sight since I got back. I have a copy in my wallet. That's the one I sometimes show people when I keep talking about my partner Benny. But see, that's normal. I don't talk about the one I just put on the passenger seat. His seat.I don't mention that on a long drive from Florida to Chicago I talk to him and I could even hear his responses.
Stella's still down there. She got a job with the county so she's happy.Kowalski went back to Chicago a month ago while Fraser stayed up North. I heard from Frannie that she and Kowalski are getting serious. I'm better now too, back to being me again. Just me. Plain old Ray Vecchio. And I'm okay with that for the first time in forever it feels like.
I know that I wasn't ready for Fraser to pop into my assignment although how I expected to be back in Chicago without him knowing about it is still up in the air. I needed some time to lose Armande. I understand things better now and I know what I want to do with myself.I can't be a cop anymore.Permanent disability.
I'm going up to Canada now. To Fraser land. In a way it'll be just like the first time I ended up at his father's cabin. I'll surprise him; although considering how well he knows me it won't shock him. That's why he stayed up there. He's waiting for me.
Dief will be excited to see the doughnuts and I'll give them to him if he promises to give me a few hours with Fraser.I doubt we'll do any talking though.I think I'll kiss him by the fire.I bet you he's a romantic. I know I am.It'll be good though. Everybody will be right where they belong.