Staying Home
Barb G
I wake up, but I'm alone in the bed. The sheets smell like him, and I shift over to his side just to be closer to it.
His side. The thought makes me grin. Six o'clock in the morning and I'm already grinning like an idiot. I want to roll around in it, like Dief does in fish-guts. The door opens and closes, and Fraser comes into the bedroom. "Good morning, Ray," Fraser says. He brings me my wallow coffee.
"Thanks for not smelling like fish," I say as I sit up. I take the coffee from him.
"You're welcome," Fraser says, voice only slightly confused.
I pull him down; smelling the sheets isn't doing it for me. He doesn't seem to mind me and my smelling thing, but when I try pulling off his shirt, he stops me. "You are going to be late."
"I have sick days."
"You don't feel warm to me," Fraser says.
"It's a twenty-four minute thing."
Fraser sighs, but he glances to the alarm clock and stares at the ceiling for a heartbeat. "We have time," he decides, and suddenly he's in bed with me.
I'm getting a lot of practice with his buttons, and I manage them all without losing control and tearing at them. The jeans take a little more effort, but he's lifting his hips and I slid them down. He tugs at my boxers, and it's not really fair cause they're a lot less work.
But we're naked now. I like naked. I like naked with Fraser; he lets me smell him anywhere I want. Fraser doesn't think it's weird, but then he eats things off the street so what does he know. I think it's weird, but it's not exactly something I can stop. He runs his hands down my chest and I just sort of fit over him. His cock's trapped between us, already hard, and I'm shivering I want this so much.
"Come here," Fraser says.
I'm puzzled for only a second, cause I can't get much closer, but then I realize he means go *there* and I'm scrambling to obey. His hands on my hips hold me back, and the first time his tongue touches me, I almost lose it. I want to tell him to hurry this up so I don't completely humiliate myself, but he feels me shudder and seems to know. And...oh, wow. Suddenly I'm okay with him putting anything in his mouth.
I last about five seconds, but I might've counted fast. He's holding me to him now because I can't and he lets me collapse against him. I gotta move cause suddenly even the sheets hurt against me, but he stops me from returning the favor. I look up to ask what gives and he's kissing me.
Toothpaste...and me. Okay, so I tasted myself once. It was a dare at summer camp. I didn't like it back then, but I guess I matured with age, cause off Fraser's teeth it doesn't taste too bad.
He's guiding my hand down, and I'm a schmuck for not doing in myself, but he can't do that to a guy and expect thinking to happen. He's really hot against my hand, and I'm so there for this. I know exactly what he wants, but I break away from the kiss cause I want to lick his throat. I love how he throws his head back and lets me. His entire body's tense under me, and the sweat is sweet on him. He's close, and I lick my fingers.
He likes it. The skin is soft back there, and I rub it gently. Fraser doesn't like it rough and it's kinda nice taking it easy. I rub the right spot, and Fraser's mush in my hands. And I like that a lot. His face goes all tight and grimacy, but it doesn't take long for him to relax completely. He looks good in my bed completely relaxed, and I glance to my clock. We've taken up most of my wallow time, but that's no problem. We still got another ten minutes or so before we really have to get out of bed.
His stuff is still on his belly. Fraser's eyes are closed but he's not deep breathing like he does when he's asleep. I'm about to get up and wipe it off for him, but then decide to try it. Just once. I mean, it's Fraser.
He doesn't open his eyes as I shift down on the bed. I need a bigger bed; there's not enough room for two guys and shifting. I'm over the edge of the bed, but that's okay, I'm right where I want to be. I know he can feel my breathing against his side, but he doesn't open his eyes. I know he doesn't want to freak me. He's trying to pass off as asleep, but his breathing is shallow.
I dart my tongue out. It's already cooling down, but still warm from body heat; Fraser gives off a lot of it, heat...not stuff. It's not bad. Salty for sure, a little bitter, but I'm used to the smell by now. There's no point in getting up now and wiping the rest off, so I lap some more. He's watching me now, and his breathing is shallow for a whole other reason, but it's now the "no-fooling, it's really time to get up" time and it'll have to wait. We kiss again, and now it's not too bad, kinda like getting used to beer.
There's food in the fridge. I open the door and wonder at all the colors in it, but there's not much time for cooking and Fraser doesn't stop for Twinkies on the way to work. I grab a bagel around shaving.
I shave more often now. It's a total guilt thing; Fraser doesn't look good when his whisker-burn matches his serge. He's spending the morning at the consulate and then picking up the car to go get Diefenbaker. I lock the door, and suddenly he's behind me and kissing my neck.
"What are you doing?" I ask, curious more than anything.
"Well, I can't very well kiss you in the car outside the consulate," Ray said.
He makes it sound so logical.
When we are at the consulate, he thanks me and gets out. I drive to work, and then spend the rest of my morning staring at the clock. Jess looks over to me, but she has a new partner and Welsh is okay with me and Fraser.
It's a boring day, but it's good to sit at my desk...I grin. My desk. My desk with my view and my spot Fraser stands at. Mine.
Fraser is there at noon. We go for lunch, quick burgers, and I give him my keys. "Pick me up around five?" I ask.
"Will do."
"Um, Fraser?"
"Yes?"
I grin at him. He looks confused for a second, and then grins back. "Me, too," he says.
I go back to work feeling like Superman, without the cape and the...uh...tights.
Five o'clock on the button and Fraser shows up. He's trying very hard not to grin, and I grab my jacket. I haven't done anything all day and I'm charged. Fraser notices and he's watching me, but this not talking thing is kinda cool. There's no point in talking about what we're going to do tonight: dinner, video and sex, not in that order. Fraser's never seen a Steve McQueen movie and that's going to change.
I never felt like this with Stella. I mean I loved her, but it never felt like this. This is a huge happy feeling from my shoulders to my...uh...well, all over. I mean, I'm stupidly in love, and it's not supposed to feel like this.
Fraser looks at me and I want to tell him how almost bursting I'm feeling, but it'll sound stupid and pathetic but he puts his hand over my knee and squeezes and it's like he knows. It's only another three blocks to my place so there's no real reason to pull over, but suddenly I'm bursting in other places.
He notices, of course, and he's smiling again. Don't let anyone tell you differently, there's a sadistic streak running through Fraser; he just hides it well. Diefenbaker bounds up, tail wagging, and he's fussing with the wolf and totally ignoring me.
"Fraser?" I ask.
"Yes, Ray?"
"Dief okay?"
"He appears to be fine, Ray."
"Uh-huh. That's good, Fraser, that's really great."
"Isn't it?"
He's not looking at me and he's trying not to laugh. "Don't make me go over there and kick you in the head," I say.
Fraser sends Diefenbaker away, and sits back on his heels. "Why don't you just come over here."
I love that he digs my body. I mean he's got abs and pecs and...other bumpy places that feel really good, and I'm just skinny. He unzips my jeans and I play with his hair while he does. It's like...cat-fur, sleek and in place all the time. I like messing it up, and he puts up with it. But my jeans are down now and he's pushing up my shirt so he can hold me and the warmth of his hands is good. He opens his mouth and takes me inside, and the hands hold me up cause my knees aren't working anymore.
I'm about to explode. I'm really really hot and I'm tingling from my belly to my knees and I'm so sensitive that his lips moving down me tickles. My jeans are down by my knees and Fraser's eyes are closed; he's getting into this, too.
He moves his hand down, over my butt, and then farther so that it's brushing against me. If I was hot before I'm blushing now, but I can't quite push him away and he's not trying to get in, but he's doing that finger thing and I don't mind it all of a sudden. He nudges me, from behind, and it does me.
He's doing himself, and he shouldn't be, but I'm not really up to moving yet. I try, but he pushes me back against the counter. "I'm fine," he manages, and then rubs his cheek against my inner thigh. And it tickles again, making me go all tingly inside again. I hold onto his head, smoothing down the hair I messed up earlier. He sobs, and I want to slip down to my knees but I can't so I keep holding him.
Fraser shudders and then goes still. We stay in the kitchen for a while until we can move around and it doesn't hurt, and he goes into the bedroom to change. I do up my jeans and wash my hands, and he comes up behind me and kisses my shoulder. I like the coming up behind me thing; it's warm and I like the feel of him. But he's only there to kiss me and then backs away again. I'm cold. He goes to the fridge, which he actually filled with food, and starts doing the cooking thing. I swing my leg over a kitchen chair and settle down to watch.
He's very serious. I love him. He's trying to ignore me, but he's not very good at it. He puts the rice on and seasons the pork-chops. He looks at me, shakes his head, and grabs the pepper.
Dinner's great, but it's nice to sit down on the couch with my head in his lap watching Bullitt. He plays with my hair, rubs behind my ear and touches my scar. Fraser nudges me and the couch isn't big enough for the both of us to lie down on but he doesn't seem to mind if we...uh...rub against each other.
The video's forgotten about. I'm kinda over him, and he kisses me again, and I shift down half an inch, but then Diefenbaker whines in the corner, and I freeze. "What's wrong?" Fraser asks.
I press my forehead against his chest. "Dief's watching."
"It's not like he's obtaining gratification from it." Fraser tries to kiss me again, but I duck out.
"Let's go to the bedroom and close the door."
Fraser's looking at me like I'm being ridiculous again, but he humors me.
#
I wake up again alone. Fraser's still in the apartment, I can hear him moving around. I get up and wander out of the bedroom. Coffee's on, and I pour myself a cup. He's reading the newspaper.
The classifieds. The real estate section. I go cold again. Fraser reaches over and touches my arm for a second and then goes back to the paper.
The coffee smells great, but I suddenly want to pour it over the newspaper. Fraser's reactions probably won't let him get hurt, but it's not really worth it. "What are you doing?"
"Looking for a place."
He says it so casually, you can hardly tell my heart's just been ripped out and is flopping around on the floor. I clear my throat. "Uh...why?" I ask.
"I can't very well continue to impose on you, Ray."
I try clearing my throat again. "Why not?"
Fraser's doing that "I'm smiling...no, I'm not. Yes, I am" thing. It's kinda cute. "The place isn't really big enough for the two of us."
"You spent two years sleeping in an office, and you're telling me my apartment's not big enough?"
He plays his last card. "What will people--" but he stops himself.
"Who cares?" I ask. I sit down on the edge of the table. He puts his hands over my thighs.
"Who cares indeed," he says, but then Dief trots into the room and whines again. Fraser's trying to ignore him, but he whines again and Fraser moves away and goes to the bedroom instead. Dief follows. "I let you sniff whoever you want in the park but I get into a committed relationship and you judge me," Fraser's saying. Dief just wags his tail. "Not everyone one I sleep with shoots you, you know," he continues, and then shuts the door.
Fraser's got his own problems; I make breakfast.