Author's webpage: http://www.angelfire.com/il/duesouth/

Author's disclaimer: Characters are not mine, obviously.
Please don't sue me, I have no worldly posessions that any sane person would want. If you are insane, you can have my dogs, my guitar, and my brother. But not my tapes!!!

Author's notes: This is my first fanfic! It may not be paragraphed properly, my WP sucks. Please forgive.

THREESOME
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It's late. A Friday night. I feel like slammin' my fist through the wall of my crummy little
apartment, cuz I'm thinkin' about life and thinkin' I don't have one. The truth is, I wouldn't
even be pretending to have a life if it hadn't been for me taking that call. 'Yeah,
hello, how would you like to be someone else for a change, Ray?' It couldn't have come at a
more opportune time for them. My marriage was down the drain, my family
was down the drain, hell, my career was practically down the drain. I was even thinkin' of
quittin'. Just throwin' my badge on the desk and walkin' out of there for good. And then I got
the call. The call that changed my life. It sounds stupid when you say it, but the day I became Ray Vecchio changed my life, just like the way the day I knew I was gonna become a
cop changed it, or the way it changed when my dad left. It wasn't really the job that changed
it. Bein' a cop is pretty much bein' a cop, even if you're tryin to fill in for someone like
Vecchio. But Fraser, meetin' Fraser, that changed it all. There he was. A real live Mountie,
complete with hat and wolf. And rigid moral code. Fraser. The first person I ever let into my
life, let get a hold on me, since Stella, and it had to be Fraser. It was a mistake, I knew that, of course. Bein' his friend, bein' more to him then just a partner. A mistake takin' the charade any further then it
had to go. But how do you resist someone like Fraser? How do you tell him you can't
be his friend because you don't wanna get hurt? He'd just say, 'I'd never hurt you, Ray.' That
way he has of saying my name, he can make me do anything if he just says 'Ray'. He
asks me to do these things, these crazy, dangerous things, and I can never say no. Not to him.
Cuz that stuff, it isn't half so crazy as what I feel when I'm around him. I don't know how to
deal with it, I don't even know if I believe it. Cuz how do you believe that you're
fallin' in love with your partner? Mr. Straight himself. I mean, I'm straight, but Fraser?
I can't even think of him with a WOMAN. God, I'm crazy, I'm gonna go crazier if I keep hanging
around with him, lookin' at him, thinkin' about him, never bein' able to touch him.
He's so perfect, you just wanna touch him and see if he's real. Kiss him and see if he feels
the way he looks. I wanna do it to him, I wanna do it all the time and I can't even look
at him for long or he might notice. And if he notices? I'm dead, of course. No more Fraser. So I hide it as best I can, pretend it's not there. But it is there. Just thinkin' about him like this gets me hot, and I have nowhere to go.
So I put my head in my hands, and I rub my hair, and I try not to think about him. It
doesn't work. It never works. So I get up. I gotta keep movin', I can't sit still, I can't let
it get me. I always keep movin', cuz when you're movin', you're not thinkin'. I get out of my
apartment and get in my car and I drive. Not goin' anywhere in particular, just cruisin' around
tryin' to think about drivin' my GTO instead of touchin' Fraser. But I guess it doesn't work,
cuz I end up parked in front of his apartment. I know this is bad. Here I am thinkin' about
him worse then usual, he's drivin' me crazy, and I CAN'T see him now cuz if I do I might
do something we'll both regret. But ya can't stop something like this. I get out of the
car, and even though I'm screamin' inside, I get in the elevator and ride up. I gotta
see him. I just wanna see him now. I knock on the door to his apartment. It's pretty
late, and I'm thinkin' he might be asleep, but I hear the knob turning and then the door
opens. 'Ray!' he exclaims. He sounds surprised. Maybe even pleased. I look at him, and my breath does this funny thing. I wanna hold him, make him hold me and tell me it's gonna be alright, cuz if he doesn't I know it's
never gonna be alright again. But I don't. Can't. Won't. 'Hey, Fraser,' I say as nonchalantly as I can. 'What brings you here, Ray?'he asks. He's wearin this red shirt I've never seen him in, it's Mountie red
and it looks soft like chamois. Jeans and boots. That thick, dark hair isn't mussed at all.
It never is. 'Nothin', really.' I say. He smiles suddenly, brilliant, and his sky blue
eyes light up as he realizes I came by just to see him. We're best friends, see. 'Well, I
was about to make myself a cup of tea. Would you like one, Ray?' he questions. 'Yeah,
Frase, I'd like that.' I tell him. He smiles again and steps aside, letting me into the
apartment. As I come in, Diefenbaker, Fraser's wolf, looks up from the cot and starts waggin'
his tail. His ears prick forward. 'Hey, Dief.' I say. Dief jumps off the cot and
trots over, pokin' my hand with his wet nose. I rub the warm white fur and watch Fraser walk
into the kitchen. As I pet Dief, I can hear him in there, walkin' around, makin' the tea. He's whistlin' softly,
some tune I don't know. Probably a Mountie song. I let myself remember the way he smiled. Imagine what it
would be like if he knew. If he wanted me too. Fraser... God, I'm wantin' something I can
never, ever have, and it's tearin' me to shreds. I shouldn't be here, I really shouldn't be here, cuz I'm runnin' out of control. My muscles tense to run. But then I think of that happy smile, and I can't do it to him. I can't run away, cuz he won't know why, and I sure as
hell can't tell him. So I stay and pet the wolf. Dief whines. He knows something's botherin' me,
but it's nothing he can fix so I just pet him and tell him it's OK. Fraser comes out of the kitchen and
sits down beside me on the cot. I look at him and try to smile, and I guess it works, cuz he
smiles back. He hands me a cup of tea. I hold it between my two hands, warming them and
staring into the steam. Fraser does the same thing. We sit for a while, lookin' at the tea.
I can fell his warmth beside me, smell the clean scent of him. I wanna touch him, want him
to touch me, but that's never gonna happen. God, this is driving me crazy. I'm gonna go crazy
or I'm gonna jump him, one or the other, and I can't live with either. If I go crazy, I'll
probably kill myself, and that would hurt Fraser. If I jump him... I don't know. I think about
that. Would he let me? I think so. If I kissed him, I know he wouldn't stop me. Maybe if it went
further then that he'd get scared, but he wouldn't wanna hurt me. He wouldn't fight back. He
probably wouldn't even ask me to stop, cuz he'd know that would hurt me too. Fraser's like that. I recoil from thought as if it'd bit me. Jesus, am I sick? I'm thinkin' about rapin' my partner. My best friend. Cuz that's what it would
be. Rape. I take a gulp of tea. It's too hot, but I bite back the whimper and take another. Pain
is good. It distracts me from his proximity. Fraser lays a gentle hand on my shoulder, and it burns me like a brand. _Fraser... If you knew what I was thinkin', you wouldn't wanna touch me._ I twitch, and I know
he feels it because he looks at me funny. 'Ray? Are you alright?' he asks softly. His forehead
is wrinkled with concern, it deepens those blue eyes and takes the smile away from his perfect lips.
'Yeah, I'm fine, Frase.' I lie. 'Just thinkin'.' I check him fast to see if he buys it. He
doesn't, I can see it in his eyes. He looks incredible when he's worried about me, it's as if I'm the most important thing in his life. I know I'm not, but lookin' at him, I almost think so. I do know he cares about me. I just wish he cared about me the way I want him to. This line of thought is goin' nowhere, fast. 'Hey, Frase, thanks for the tea. I gotta go.' I blurt. I get up quick and start for the door,
takin' one last look back. He looks hurt and lost, like he doesn't know why I'm leavin' and he
thinks it's his fault. I can't go like that. I stop. 'Frase...' I say. I come back slowly and
sit on the cot beside him. He looks at me, deep and searching. Then he decides to ask me about it. I can see it in those clear eyes. 'Ray, if something is bothering you, I can help.' he says firmly. He believes that. He thinks he can do anything. Whatever's botherin' me, he can fix it. I shake
my head. 'No, ya can't.' I tell him. 'Well, I certainly can't if you don't tell me what it is,' he points out. 'I can't tell you, Fraser.' I say tiredly. I really don't wanna argue with him about this. He isn't gonna let me off, though. 'Why not, Ray?' Patient, as always.
'Cuz... Just because I can't, Fraser. I really can't.' I look at him hard, and he looks back with that soft, concerned stare. 'Talking about it helps, Ray.' 'No it doesn't.' 'Yes, it does.' 'Fraser, just drop it.' I snap. He drops it. We sit in silence, our tea forgotten. Just starin' at each other, me angry, him worried. Then he speaks again, and the words confuse me. 'Ray, I have never told you about I and Detective Vecchio.' he says. 'Told me what?' I ask. He rubs his eyebrow with his thumb, his expression distant for a few minutes.
Then he looks back at me intently. The next words shock me. 'Told you that he and I were more then partners. More then friends.' I stare at him, disbelieving my ears. 'Are you tryin' to tell me that you and Vecchio...' I trail off. 'That I fell in love with Ray, and he with me? Yes.' he answers flatly. I am at a loss for words. 'Why're you tellin' me this?' I ask finally. He licks his lips, the only sign that he might possibly be nervous. His blue eyes are steady on mine. 'Because I think I know what is bothering you, Ray, and.. And it's, well, it's been bothering me as well.'
I don't understand what he's tryin' to say, and I hold up my hand. 'Whoa. Whoa, Fraser. What're you talkin' about?' He licks his lips again, and I can't help but flick a glance that way, hopin' he doesn't see it. He pretends not to. 'The thing that is bothering you. It bothers me too.' he says. I should understand him, but I don't.
'What thing, Fraser? What do you mean?' I ask. 'Well, Ray, I've been thinking, uh, about you. A lot. Lately, that is. Well, not really lately. For a while, to be precise.'
He's actually babbling. Fraser. I still don't get it. 'What're you sayin', Fraser, you've been thinkin' about me? Thinkin' about me how? You don't want a transfer again, do you? Cuz if that's it, I-' He shakes his head, stopping me. 'No, Ray, that's not it at all. What I mean is, I've been thinking about you... And myself. A lot. Lately.'
It's like bein' hit on the head with a two-by-four. All of a sudden. I get it. 'You and I doin' what?' I ask anyway, not believing this. 'I think you know what, Ray. You do know what, don't you, Ray?' he asks softly. He's leaning closer to me with every word. Starin' into my eyes. 'Umm.' I manage. He looks like he's gonna kiss me. He leans so close I can feel his warm breath on my lips.
'Ray?' he persists. He's definitely gonna kiss me. 'Wait... Fraser.' I say. He stops. Looks at me, waitin' to see what I want. 'What about Vecchio?' I have to ask. 'I thought you were in love with him.' It's a stupid thing to say, especially when he's about to do what I've been wanting for so long,
but I say it anyway. He pulls back just a little, not far enough away to let me know he's stopping, but far enough that I can't feel his breath anymore. He looks sad. 'I am in love with him, Ray.' he says. The words cut me, even though I expected them. Anger flares through me, white-hot. 'So, what? So this is just
a fling? a one-nighter? Just sex?'
I'm furious. My hands come up to push him away, to get out of here, but I don't touch him. He looks startled by my outburst. 'Ray-' he starts. I cut him off roughly. 'Don't... Don't even say it, Fraser. Don't bother.' I try to get up, but suddenly he's there. Inches away. 'Ray...' His voice is soft and breathless. 'You asked me once if I thought you were attractive. Do you want to know what I think?' I don't answer him. He doesn't wait, anyway. 'Well, Ray, I do think you are attractive. I think you are beautiful.' Ever so slowly, he draws closer. I am frozen, starin' into his eyes. I can't look away. He has this little smile, and it's doin' things deep in my belly. I feel his hand cup the back of my neck, pullin' me forward as he dips his head to mine.
I can't breathe. I open my mouth to
gasp for air, and he kisses me. Just the slightest brush at first, and then harder as he parts my mouth with his tongue and dips inside.
God... He tasts hot and sweet, very faintly of mint and honey from the tea. His tongue feels like wet silk as it slides around the recesses of my mouth. I'm drowning in the sensation. I feel my hands come up to grab his head and hold him there, tangling in his soft hair as I lean forward and kiss him back hard. I can't stop. He does. He pulls back and looks at me and he's still smiling. 'A one-nighter, Ray?' he asks me. I can't talk. I'm starin' at him like a goon, with absolutely no ability to make a single sentance come out of my mouth.
'Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray..' It's that thing I hate, that 'Ray' thing he does to me. 'Can't you see?' He's shakin' his head. 'Ray, I am in love with you too.' Finally, I can talk. 'You are?' He puts his hand on my knee, and I jump a foot. 'Yes, Ray.' he replies. He's serious. I don't believe it. 'You're in love with me'n him?' I ask, shocked. 'Yes, Ray.' he answers again. Whoa. 'At the same time?' I ask, just to be sure. He nods. 'Together?' My voice squeaks. 'Ray.' he reprimands. 'Sorry.' I answer. Then I can't help askin' again. 'You're in love with Ray Vecchio?' 'Yes, Ray.' 'And me?' 'Yes, Ray.' 'Together.' I am boggled. Fraser wants me AND Vecchio? At the same time? Whoa again. I stare at Fraser. He has this look on his face, like he had just before he kissed me. I think he wants to do it again. I know I want him to. But like a fool, I run my mouth off again. 'What about Vecchio? What's he think of this?' I ask. To my surprise, Fraser blushes. 'He.. He doesn't know yet, Ray.' I'm not surprised, after all, Fraser hasn't been in contact with Vecchio since I've known him. 'Oh.' I answer.
We are silent for a moment, me mulling this over, him waiting for permission to continue. I have one last question to ask, though. 'Fraser?' 'Yes, Ray?'
I swallow hard. 'What about when he comes back? You're not gonna leave me, are you?' I know I sound pathetic. He smiles gently. Leaning forward, he places his hands on either side of my face. Starin' me full on in the eyes. 'No, Ray. I am never going to leave you.' he promises. I feel myself let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. 'Ok, Fraser.' I say. 'Good, Ray. I'm glad we've come to an understanding on this matter.' He sounds a little breathless again, like he's in a hurry. 'Now, can I...' He licks his lips suggestively. 'Please.' I aim for cocky, but it comes out more like desperate.
As soon as the word leaves my lips, Fraser yanks my head to him and kisses me again. Deep and hungry. I moan as his skillfull tongue dives into my
mouth once more. Though there is no longer much room for cohesive sentance-forming in my mind, one thought does manage to surface: Somehow, this threesome thing is gonna work out. It has to, cuz I'm not givin' him up, not now. And somehow, I don't think Vecchio will either. It's just this feelin' I have about him... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^