Its a tame m/m piece
Hi! Its me again. Sharing another story called WOOD I LIE TO YOU? And yes I did mean to spell 'wood' this way. You'll see why by the end of the story.;-> Comments are always welcome and appreciated. Enjoy. Desi / Dsrvbf@aol.com
Through curtainless windows the early morning moonlight streamed in placing its fingers on the man sneaking around Benton Fraser's sparse apartment. The night time visitor was trying not to disturb the sleeping man on the bed as he rummaged through drawers and the closet. Despite his careful and mostly silent movements, he had been noticed, and was subtly being observed from across the room. Fraser pretended to sleep as the figure went about his business for a few minutes more. Ben lay in wait, like any good predator, knowing eventually his prey would come closer and that's when he would strike. Patience was something he was well known for, but this waiting was starting to make him uncharacteristically impatient.
The figure seemed to have finished his tasks and as expected began to quietly approach the bed. A shadow fell over a falsely sleeping Ben as he sensed, rather than saw, his lover lean over to place a light kiss upon his lips. The lips had just barely touched his own, when a startled squirming Ray was grabbed and pulled down into a captive embrace for a passionate kiss. All Ray managed to get out was an "Mmmmpf".
Ray was happily amused that his sleeping lover must have been planning this sneak attack while he dressed, making him enthusiastically want to return the sneaky kiss all the more. When they pulled away from each other at last, Ray chuckled and teased. "You're awfully frisky. I should wake ya up at this hour more often."
Ben's fingers hadn't been idle while Ray playfully slapped them away from his shirt buttons, only to feel them return again. "Can't you stay a little bit longer Ray? I'll make it worth your while." Ray shuddered at the seductive tone, the bedroom eyes sparkling in the moonlight and the very enticing invitation. "Oh I know you would. But I really have to get going Benny. Hey cut that out.", he chuckled as Ben's nose tickled his neck sniffing him lightly, followed by a mouth breathily whispering between nibbles at his ear. "You smell so good Ray. Why didn't you wake me? We could have showered together." Ray sighed pleasurably, head canting to the side to greedily receive more of his lover's attentions there, at the same time as he was teased with words, the touch of lips and skillful hands gliding along his body.
His decision to leave the apartment had been momentarily forgotten in the sensation drenched moments of blissful indulgence. "Oh Benny, I wish I could stay, but I really need to put in an appearance at home this morning. They're starting to bug me with questions about my lovelife again... Do I have a new girlfriend? Why haven't I brought her over to the house yet?" As he spoke he was still being inundated with caresses, uttered endearments and entreaties to stay. Ray got the impression from the lackadaisical "Mmmmhhhmmms", he received to his concern, that Ben really wasn't listening to him.
He couldn't believe his will power - which had started to wane - as he started to rise from the bed, all the while stealing a last few seconds more of quick kisses. When he managed to pull mostly away from his lover and stand, the only physical connection was his hand being held in a loving grasp. "You're sure? You're going to regret it. Will you take a raincheck? After your shift tonight?" Ray looked pained. "Sorry Benny, not tonight or this weekend. I promised my cousin Manny... Remember him? He's the one that lives in Joliet... I told him I'd finish helping him with his taxes... then we're going with some friends of his for a casino cruise. Not sure when I'll be rollin' back into town after that."
Ben looked crestfallen at the loss of his lover's company for the next few days. A disappointed but trying to sound somewhat understanding "Sure Ray." exited his mouth. He wanted to but couldn't stop himself from saying a part of what he was really feeling. "I must confess, I'm getting very envious of your cousin. He seems to be seeing more of you lately than I do." Ray kissed the back of the hand still clasped within his own. "Benny, I promise. I'll make more time for us soon. I told ya I owe him. And I always pay my debts... ya never know when you'll need a favor back. I didn't realize he conned me into doing his business' taxes too until it was too late. I'm sorry."
One final quick kiss and he was released to go home. As he placed his hand on the knob, his lover's next words followed him out the door. "Ray you 'owe me' now. I intend to collect on that promise... soon." Ray felt like a louse as he closed the door leaving his disappointed lover with his lies behind him. He wasn't really going to his cousin Manny's that night and he wasn't going on a casino cruise either. He was amazed that Benny still believed him and hadn't suspected his lies yet, but he could see the suspicions were hovering just off in the distance behind those beautiful blue eyes. Right now he was riding on Benny's trusting nature and he hated taking advantage of it. He feared that Ben would catch on to him soon and then what they had would be all over. He'd just have to keep pushing himself harder before that time came.
The lies were getting harder and harder each time he had to dream them up to excuse his absence in his lover's life from time to time. The times were becoming more frequent now. This last, he'd gone three days without seeing or really talking with Ben and knew he'd hurt him by avoiding him so much. Ben had a hard time voicing his emotions, but after almost five years of intimacy, Ray could read him so well now. The tone of his voice; what he said underneath what he literally said; the expressive eyes; and Ben's body language, these were all he needed to help him translate what his lover was truly feeling most of the time. It had frightened him a little when he realized that tonight's translation led to his having to especially reassure Ben, that he was very much in love with him and still found him desirable.
He sighed as he entered the Riv when he realized the scene from a few minutes ago probably regressed the progress he'd made earlier convincing Ben of this. He started to question whether or not to tell Ben the truth; get them both out of their misery once and for all. Still feeling aroused he started the car up and thought to himself Ben was right yet again... he did regret not making love to his very receptive and playful partner, as he headed instead for an empty bed at his other home, and if he was lucky perhaps 3 hours of sleep before work.
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Ben couldn't get back to sleep after Ray left. He lay with his arms crossed behind his head, running through different scenarios in his mind. Pondering the reason why his lover had been so aloof lately. His biggest fear was that after five years together Ray was tiring of him and didn't know how to end their relationship. That thought was immediately relegated once again to the very back of his mind with a *No. He loves me. I'm sure of it. Its something else... isn't it?* He prayed this reason was not the cause for Ray's behavior, because he loved him now more than ever and didn't want to imagine his life without him.
Ben ran through past encounters with Ray trying to place when it was that he first started noticing the gradual change in Ray's behavior towards him. The first strange incident that he could recall was when they had gone out to dinner about two months ago. They'd just started to eat their dinner, when Ray excused himself and hadn't returned for a little while. Ben had grown concerned for his friend, fearing he was ill, he decided to check on him in the men's room. But as soon as he started to get up, Ray was approaching the table again. He'd pretended badly that everything was fine and that Ben just worried too much. It had happened a few times since then as well. Then there were the times when he came up with these strange family situations, which he felt entangled in that needed his immediate attention. Or work emergencies that also had him cancelling out on dinner plans or time they'd set aside for each other.
Ben's face registered a shocked enlightenment. Another scenario had now presented itself based on his observations these past months coupled with his lover's appearance this night. When they had made love tonight he pictured now how his lover appeared. He had looked so tired, with dark circles around his eyes, and his thin face had been even thinner than normal. When Ben had kissed him along his chest and abdomen it just hit him now that he could actually start to see and feel his lover's ribs underneath his skin. Ben's stomach lurched at the possibility that he may have discovered what his lover was trying to hide from him. If it was what he thought, he feared for Ray. He felt incredibly saddened and berated himself for not realizing this earlier.
Ben recalled now his recent routine physical. As always he was found to be as fit and healthy as ever, which garnered the praise of his doctor. While he'd been waiting for his turn with the doctor, he'd entertained himself by reading all the health pamphlets that were in the room. One now came back to him with vivid and alarming clarity. It was on eating disorders, specifically anorexia and bulemia. He remembered reading the two sections - one for 'Mind', the other 'Body' - discussing some of the signs and symptoms of someone with this type of problem.
The 'Mind' portion discussed symptoms such as:
low self-esteem - feelings of inadequacy, poor self body image and perception
strive for perfection - need to punish oneself for feelings of imperfection
guilt - feelings of not meeting the expectations of others
deception - lying about eating or to avoid eating, vomitting
The 'Body' portion discussed some signs such as:
Always cold, frequent headaches, bruised knuckles, dry skin, hair loss, and bruising.
Many of these signs fit Ray or so he thought. He'd also noticed there was bruising on Ray's knuckles when he'd held his hand. There were other minor bruises elsewhere on his body now that he thought about it. Ray had complained of headaches quite a bit lately too. *Oh Ray. Please no. We need to talk about this.* he thought sadly, then promised himself that tomorrow he'd go to the library and research all he could on this subject, especially how to approach and discuss treatment with the one afflicted. He prayed Ray hadn't been doing this to himself as a result of trying to live up to some imagined standard he thought Ben wanted from him. Ben continued to spend a restless night worrying and fitfully dreaming of his lover.
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Ben convinced himself that he had indeed discovered why Ray was avoiding him. Having done quite a bit of research on the subject over the past weekend - he'd even gone to a clinic and consulted with one of the counselors there - he felt he was ready to approach Ray on the subject of his concern. He was slightly nervous about how Ray would react to this belief of his when confronted with it. Ben pushed his fears aside and thought to himself that it needed to be broached, it was for Ray's own good. He loved him too much to see him hurting himself like this.
Pushing open the door of the squadroom, he cast his eyes immediately over to Ray's desk and found it empty. He inadvertantly started to eavesdrop when he'd heard part of a conversation going on between Elaine and Elaine's female cop friend Dolores, from the vice squad down the hall. "...yeah you're right Elaine, hang around Ray long enough and the most handsome men just come to you. Vecchio sure knows how to pick 'em. Those friends of his just get hunkier and hunkier. Did you see that guy he was with today? The one he left with? Fabio step aside, this guy was drop dead gorgeous. He's stopped in before too." Elaine responded. "You mean the Antonio Banderas look alike? Yeah I saw him here last friday night. Think his name is Aldo or something exotic like that. Did you get a load of that Italian accent of his? Its sooo sexy. And those light brown eyes are melting."
Ben's curiosity was piqued at their recounting and describing his lover's mystery friend. Who was this guy they were talking about? He'd never heard Ray mention anyone named Aldo before or tell him he was spending time with him. Elaine noticed him looking their way and stopped her part of the conversation quickly, blushing slightly when she realized how her chattering must have sounded to her true dream man. "Hi Fraser. You looking for Ray? He left about 5 minutes ago with his Italian friend. You know him?"
Fraser outwardly showed no sign of thinking anything unusual about this, but inwardly it was really bothering him that he didn't know who this other man was, and if he had reason to worry. "No, I don't think I've met him. Ray has quite a large family. I have yet to meet most of them." Elaine interrupted. "Oh no. They're not related. When I talked to Aldo last week he said something about knowing 'Raymondo' since they were 'bambinos'. Ray's gone over to Italy a few times to visit family before and Aldo was a neighbor of Ray's grandparents. That is until Aldo moved to Chicago a couple months ago. Think he's a fashion designer or artist or something?"
Ben's expression must have slipped up at this last part, because Elaine seemed concerned when she noticed. "You ok? Was it something important you had to see Ray about? Dolores did you hear where they were going?" Dolores shrugged her shoulders. "I think I overheard them talking about a restaurant called DeLancie's or DeLuca's, which is near the Magnificent Mile. You know it?" Fraser recognized the place mentioned. "Yes I do. Thank-you kindly." It was somewhere Ray liked to frequent for take- out Italian food, claiming it was more like what Italian food should taste like as fast food than most of the other places. They'd stop there on occassion when they were in the mood for privacy and wanted to eat in.
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He couldn't believe he was feeling this way. Jealousy was not an emotion he thought he was capable of, but when he found himself in the neighborhood where DeLuca's was and saw the all too familiar green Riv parked outside, he felt a stab of jealousy twist his gut. Especially when he saw Ray exiting, laughing good naturedly, with an incredibly handsome man. *Must be Aldo.* he thought to himself. He watched as Ray unlocked the passenger's side door and opened it for his mystery friend. Ray didn't do that for him until the incident with St Fortunata's when he'd forced him to. When he saw the car pull away from the curb he had his cab driver follow. Ben felt terrible about spying on his lover, but this was too much for him to ignore, especially when he believed their relationship was endangered. He didn't want to know, but felt he had to prove to himself whether his lover was being unfaithful or not.
The cars meandered through parts of Chicago he hadn't ever visited before. When the car stopped in a parking lot, at an old warehouse turned into what looked like living quarters, he saw Ray and his *rival* get out and head towards the building. He was afraid to follow further, but found his body had automatically decided for him, when the next thing he knew he was out of the cab and across the street. A light came on in one of the lower windows, near to where he was standing. The window was slightly open at the top and he could hear muffled voices and sounds coming from inside.
He dared to peek through the murky glass and saw the man named Aldo did indeed look as handsome as the ladies had mentioned earlier. Had Ray replaced him for someone he thought was better looking? He tried to dismiss the thought. No that was too shallow, Ray wasn't like that... was he? Ben was confused now about the Ray he thought he knew and the Ray he felt he was discovering now. He winced when he heard the accented voice of the stranger asking something about eating first or go to the bed. Then Ray responded something about he would eat later, he wasn't hungry right then, he had other things on his mind. *Oh Ray. Why? What went wrong? I thought you loved me. Why are you doing this to me?*, he telepathically asked his errant lover as feelings of jealousy, anger, hurt, betrayal and sadness warred for priority within him.
He placed his back to the wall of the building head in his hands, unsure what to do next. After an indeterminate time of indulgent self-pity he decided his Ray wouldn't be unfaithful to him. He had to be seeing and hearing things wrong. Approaching this from another view point he looked over again towards the building and noticed now that another window had light streaming out of it. He walked over to it and peered in through its filthy glass and was shocked at what he saw. Ray was stripped to his undershirt and Aldo had one of Ray's hands held in his own. Ben wanted to scream or run or rant or cry, but instead all he felt at the moment was a paralyzing shock.
In this state he didn't pay attention to where he was stepping and accidentally kicked a metal can, making a clattering noise. When he realized what he'd done he tried to figure out if it was loud enough to have been heard by the occupants in the warehouse. Peering back into the room the two men were gone. A minute later he heard an "Ahem." As he turned around he saw an annoyed Ray with his arms crossed leaning against the building in controlled anger. "So you're snoopin' on me now Benny? How long has this been goin' on? Oh I forget, its not 'snooping' its 'tracking' right? Please tell me ya followed a caribou or something and it just so happened I was in the neighborhood too?"
Ben was surprised at Ray's irritation. If anyone had the right to be upset it was himself, not Ray. Ben normally was patient and extremely slow to anger, but this was too much. "Ray what was I to you? Just someone gullible enough to be used for your amusement? Was anything you told me the truth? You told me you loved me Ray. Guess naive me fell for that one too. We're through Ray. Good riddance!" He turned quickly on his heel not wanting Ray to see his sad eyes as he marched purposely away from his 'ex-lover'.
He could hear Ray's footsteps hurrying to catch up with him, making his own steps go even faster. "Benny hold up! Wait! What's going on in that mind of your's? Damn it! STOP!" He'd managed to catch up to Ben and grab his arm to try to pull him to a stop. "Please Ray leave me alone. Just let me go."
Ray demanded with both his voice and his hand on Ben's chin. "Look at me." Ben's hurt blue eyes had difficulty looking into green ones. When he cast his eyes down again Ray's hand was there to lift them up. "Benny I'll tell ya what ya are to me... you're the most important part of my life. Without you I have no life." Ben gave him a skeptical look. "Let me finish. When I tell ya I love ya... I mean it Benny. I don't love anyone or anything as much as I love you. You've gotta believe me. Talk to me Benny. Tell me what's wrong."
Ben was still angry, hurt and confused. "You know what's wrong. Don't you think its wrong to have a relationship going on simultaneously with me and that Italian model in there... Aldo whatever his name is? I'm not into menage-a- trois. I take lovers one at a time and for keeps Ray. I thought you knew that." Ray had been giving him a serious look throughout, but he could see the corners of Ray's mouth warring to smile instead. Ray's hands reached out to grab both of his. "Oh Benny. You're jealous?", the smile won out as he continued. "You think Aldo and me? You're jealous of him? Oh no. Never. The man's definitely an attractive talented artist, but he's too conceited, arrogant and vain for me. My tastes run more to blue eyed polite mounties. Besides I already have all the lovers I want and need and it is for keeps. I only want you Benny. No one else."
Ben was still a bit leery of what was going on here, but he was willing to hear Ray out, but not without some more convincing. "So who is this man Ray and what are you doing out here with him? Then there's the fact I saw him holding your hand and mentioning something about going to bed?" That got a surprised nervous laugh out of Ray, but then he realized what Ben had seen. "Benny, take a look at my hand." Ben did as he was commanded and gasped at the recent nasty bruising and cut on one of Ray's hands.
He immediately released it, realizing he must have caused Ray some pain when he gripped it so tightly in his own hand before. "I'm sorry Ray. I hope I didn't hurt you further." Ray just smiled and placed his hand over the one that had released it seconds ago. "Its ok. Do you want to hear a story? Sorry its not an Innuit one." Ben couldn't help but smile at the tease. "When I was 13 my nonno Vecchio came to live with us. He came over from Italy and stayed with us for 3 years. Well I used to take a shop class back then. I was pathetic. Nothing I made resembled anything that could possibly have any practical use whatsoever. Except maybe as a door stop or firewood." Ben was chuckling at the images this conjured up. "Sure laugh it up. Yeah and you probably made full cabinets and dining room tables in shop class right? I don't want to hear it. This is my story." Ben smiled getting himself under control. "Sorry Ray. Continue."
Ray gave him a smiling sideways glance as he told more of his story. "Well nonno he was a carpenter and a real artist at woodcarving. It was so embarassing when he saw something I attempted to make from wood. He vowed he'd make a woodcarver out of me or die trying as soon as he saw it. Well you can just imagine I hemmed and hawed. No way was I gonna do this. But somehow he managed to teach me. Ended up acing the class, which made my parents happy too." Ben looked at him as if expecting more when Ray seemed to have wound down the story. "So, what's all this got to do with what you're doing here now?" Ray sighed trying to remain patient. "Hold your horses. I'm getting to that. Follow me." He grabbed one of Ben's hands and yanked him excitedly into the warehouse. "This was supposed to be a surprise for you on our 5th anniversary next week. This year's 'wood' ya know. But I guess its spoiled now. This is what I've been doing in my spare and not so spare time."
With a flourish Ray removed dropcloths that had been placed over two large bulky items in the middle of the artist's workroom. As the item hidden beneath were revealed, it made Ben gasp in surprise and admiration for the skill that went into its creation. It was a large wooden bed. Tentatively at first, he placed his hand lightly on the spindled footboard, which had a simple elegance. As he approached the headboard, he was struck with how impressed he was with it. The headboard depicted a wilderness scene of pine trees and a mountain range and what looked like a small lake was going to be carved next. He lovingly placed his hand over the workmanship that went into this already. Although the bed was not completely finished, he could tell already it was well on its way to becoming breathtakingly beautiful.
Ray appreciated the awed reaction he was getting from his lover. "Aldo used to be an apprentice of my grandfather's when my nonno returned back to Italy. He's also a bit of an artist." Ray's hand swept the room where wood sculptures in differing states of completion were scattered about. "I described what I wanted on the headboard and he stenciled it out for me. I've been carving it out. He's also been good about giving me advice and refreshers. Its been a while since I've done this kind of thing. So ya like it?"
Ben was speechless, this act of love was incredibly moving and made him feel foolish for ever doubting how Ray felt about him. All he managed to do was dumbly nod his head that he indeed liked it. Liked it was an understatement. Loved it and the creator was more like it. He finally found his voice. "Ray its incredibly beautiful. You made this for me?" Ray smiled broadly and said teasingly. "Well, since you've got me being so truthful now, I have to admit there is an ulterior motive. I made it for us, but as a gift for you. I plan to use it too ya know. I was getting tired of sleeping on that thing 'you' call a bed." Ben had been approaching him rapidly as he spoke and placed his arms around his lover, then kissed him soundly and fully with as much love, affection and passion as he could put into that kiss.
When they parted Ben teased. "So do you think you could finish it in the next five minutes? I'd love to try it out. But I guess this isn't the time or place. Hey where'd that 'rival' of mine go anyway?" Ray laughed. "Did I mention that he's also a coward? When I told him I thought someone was outside watching us, then we heard you knock that can over, he was just a tanned blur going out the back door." Ben joined him in his laughter, then a look of enlightenment hit him. "Was your father a woodcarver too? I recall you told me once he knew 'quality in wood'." Ray shook his head. "Well, he learned too. But he never really took to it." Ben admiringly placed a free hand on the wooden headboard again. "Seems to me you know quality too." Ray smiled with pride. "Thanks Benny. And not just in wood." With that said Ray kissed his happy flattered lover once more.
THE END