Rated G. Pairing: RV/BF

Disclaimer: I don't own Due South, any of its characters, or Gloria Estefan's lyrics. Heck, I don't even own the plot, my Muse does. I just write what the voices in my head tell me to.

~~~The Words Get In The Way~~~

Ah, yes, the new me. I hear he's pretty good, and he seems like a nice guy. Good cop. But does he really take care of you? You're harder, more cynical than I remember you ever being before. When I saw you, the first thing I remember is hearing Ma's voice in my head saying 'Doesn't anybody look after that boy?'

Does he know those little signals you always give off when something's bothering you? Or does he let you push him away like everybody else does?

Yep, those signals. The ones you're giving off right now. The ones that say, 'Ray, I have something to tell you, and you're not going to like it, but you're going to go along with it anyway.'

Why don't you ever just get to the point? I mean, we both know how this is going to end. I talk it out of you, you say it, I do it. So can we just get it over with? I guess that's why I do talk it out of you, even when I know I'm going to regret it. I'm gonna regret it eventually anyway, might as well get it over with. Besides, it gives me the comforting illusion of having a choice.

Of course, I *don't* have a choice. Never did. I'd do anything you ask. Even when you don't ask. And you know that, but you still pretend to manipulate me into doing it. And I'm onto your little game, but I pretend to let myself be manipulated. I guess it's just easier for both of us to play along than to face the truth, which is that I love you.

I know you knew how I felt about you, and in your own bizarre way, I know you loved me back. It might even have gone somewhere eventually, but not right now. If I bring it up, even indirectly, it would just distract you from the case you're working on. Maybe someday, but I don't think either of us is in any condition for dealing with, um, 'us,' right now.

'It's good to see you, Benny.'

You're so serious, so focused. And sort of, I dunno, closed off. I used to be able to almost read your mind, Benny, but not now. There's something you're holding back from me.

I'm no good to you like this, stuck in a hospital bed having what the department shrinks call "a variation on multiple personality disorder induced by my time undercover." You need to be up north, catching the bad guy. But I know you'd stay here with me if I asked, or maybe out of a sense of duty. So I have to let you go. I don't want to, but I ought to, and doing what I ought to is the quickest way I can get back to being Rayyour Ray. God knows I've been doing enough of ignoring what I ought to do for the past year.

We'll have plenty of time to talk when you get back. I can let you go for a few days. After all, you let me go when I had to. Besides, what we have, it doesn't go away. This is the kind of thing that lasts forever. When you come back, I'll say it. For now though, I guess we just keep saying it in code.

"Do you Mounties still always get your man?"

"Go get 'em, Benny."

You know what I mean.

~~~End~~~