This is an m/m story, rated R for racy bits. This is my first attempt at slash fiction. Please, only throw soft fruits and vegetables or small furry animals,(no otters, please, we're Canadian). Everyone else seemed to be having fun writing so I thought I'd try too.
As with all these stories, all standard disclaimers blah, blah, blah.
By Michelle Cee-Bee
As soon as the words were out of his mouth Fraser wondered where he had gotten the idea and what he was going to do about it.
"Well, Ray, if it would make things easier you can always spend the night at my place", he had said in all innocence. He and Ray were going fishing on the weekend and were trying to work out all the details. They wanted to be out on the lake early in the morning meaning leaving Chicago in the middle of the night. It seemed easier for Ray to stay with him instead of having to get up and then drive to Fraser's less than welcoming neighbourhood, once described as too scary even for crack dealers.
"Sure, Benny. That's a good idea. We can order in some Chinese and then hit the sack. Should make things easier". 'Oh dear', thought Benton. 'What *have* I done.'
The week had passed so slowly. The weekend and the fishing trip just kept getting farther away, it seemed. Benton felt vaguely uncomfortable around Ray now that he knew how he felt about him.
"Yo, Benny. Earth to Fraser. Man , you are getting weird on me. Have you heard anything I've said in the last 5 minutes."
"Sorry, Ray. I'm a little distracted."
"What's up Benny? You imagining how to get the lovely Inspector Thatcher to ask you out? That woman is a little scary for me but , hey, whatever turns you on."
Fraser swallowed and cleared his throat before answering. "No, Ray. I don't think about Inspector Thatcher in anything but a purely professional manner. In fact, lately, I don't think she likes me at all. I have often gotten the feeling that she would prefer to transfer me to Russia than to acknowledge that I exist." He stopped and looked at Ray with an enigmatic expression before continuing. "I have a lot on my mind and I'm not sure what I want to do....about ...anything."
"Hey, you got a problem you know you can always talk to me, right? I mean I am your best friend, you can trust me. What's up?"
"Oh, Ray, it's, uh, nothing. Really. I just have a lot on my mind. Are you ready to go?"
They had been at Ray's desk in the precinct looking through some unsolved mugging and purse snatching case files looking for similarities to a new case that had hit the detective's desk that morning.
"Sure" Ray said. "Ready any time you are."
'Oh, I wish that were true', thought Fraser.
********************
Standing in the kitchen of his tiny apartment Benton was very aware of Ray bustling around gathering up utensils and plates for their dinner. Benton was also very aware of Ray's cologne, the way his natural masculine smell mixed with the spicy fragrance; it was intoxicating. Now that he understood the depth of his feelings, Fraser noticed everything about the man he loved. The strength and quickness of his hands, the warm openness of his smile, the perfect ease with which he inhabited his body. He could imagine, did imagine, Ray's hands caressing him, making love to him. Fraser imagined Ray's face smiling up at him with love and tenderness afterward. 'Oh, God', he thought, 'I'm going to go out of my mind.'
"Benny.....Benny...Are you gone *again*?!", Ray sounded exasperated. "I'm getting tired of talking to myself here. Do you have any spoons for this mu gu gai pan?
"Pardon me, Ray? What did you say? I was thinking about something else." Fraser snapped out of his reverie at the tone of Ray's voice and realized he had been staring at his friend for several minutes. Ray was going to think he was going crazy if he couldn't snap out of this soon. Maybe he was going crazy,...with frustration.
"What's wrong, Benny? You've been like this for a week. Every time I talk to you, you're miles away. You keep saying that nothing's wrong but you have this pained look on your face all the time. You won't talk to me anymore and sometimes you look at me like you've never seen me in your life. " Ray was genuinely concerned about his friend; none of this was like Benny at all. The Mountie was usually so calm and controlled. Ray didn't think he'd seen Fraser so distracted since Victoria had disrupted their lives and very nearly lost him his best friend. "What is it? Please, talk to me. I'm your best friend. I'm sure that nothing is so bad that you can't tell me. There hasn't been anything before now that we haven't been able to get through. So, just tell me Benny."
Fraser looked at Ray. The detective' s face was twisted with a look of concern and he felt his heart stop. 'I can't do this', he thought. What if he doesn't understand? What if I lose him?'
"Ray...". He started to speak and then stopped. He looked at Ray standing in the kitchen and didn't know how to say what he so desperately wanted to say. He took a step forward. Ray looked dismayed and moved a step closer to him. They were only 4 or 5 feet apart and Fraser wanted to close the gap and wrap the attractive, green eyed Italian in his arms. He wrapped his arms around himself instead and said, "Ray, I have something to tell you before I go out of my mind. I'll understand if you're shocked. I won't blame you if you don't want to see me after I tell you what I have to tell you." He took a shuddery breath and stopped.
Ray wanted to say it was alright that Benny could tell him anything but he couldn't find the words. 'Oh, God', he thought, 'what was this all about?' Maybe that bump he'd gotten on the head had had worse side effects than they thought. He looked at Fraser expectantly, and a little worried, waited for him to go on.
"Ray, I'm in love with you", Benton finally managed to choke out. "I think I always have been, since the moment we met, but I only realized recently', words spilled out of him as he gathered his courage. "After I fell off the van, he said, charging ahead, 'chasing the diamond thieves, you were there for me, helping me get my memory back and when I did, I realized that all the memories that were important to me had you in them. I love you, I know that seems strange and that you don't think of me that way, but you make me happy. Even if you only want to be my friend, I'll understand and if you hate me and never want to see me again I'll understand that, too. I don't know what else to say, Ray. I....do you....could we.....".
Ray stood there and looked at the wide eyed Mountie. Fraser had an expectant and pained look on his face as he waited for his answer. Ray took a step back into the kitchen and said, "Fraser, what do you mean, you love me. You can't love me, it's...it's not possible. I don't...I mean I never thought that ....I mean, oh God." He stumbled to a stop and just looked at Benton, horrified.
Fraser was mortified. Ray didn't love him. He not only didn't love him he was disgusted by the thought of Benton being in love with him, he had practically said as much. 'What have I done', Fraser thought. 'I've lost him. What will I do without him? He can't even look at me'.
Benton took his broken heart and went to sit by the window on a dilapidated kitchen chair. He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands and waited for the sound of the door slamming and his world falling down around him. 'I was a fool to think that telling him how I felt would make a difference, that he would hear me tell him I love him and immediately throw himself into my arms. But I hoped that I hadn't completely misread how we are with each other. I guess I am the naive idiot Ray always thinks I am'.
As Benton berated himself, Ray stood at the kitchen window and looked down at the alley for a long time. He finally looked over at Fraser on the other side of the room. He was confused. He cared about Benny. Hell, he even worried about him. Like when he accidentally shot him and haunted his hospital room for weeks. Ray began to realize that he had looked for excuses to spend time with the Canadian right from the beginning. And when Fraser lost his memory Ray had worried that he would lose his friend altogether, that Fraser might never regain his memory.
'Oh, my God', he thought, I've been falling in love with the damn Mountie all this time. I've never looked at men that way but Benny's special.' He knew that he waited for Fraser to show up at the precinct after work, that the sight of that red serge jacket made his day. Looking at him now, Ray knew that no matter how unusual it all might seem, he loved Benny and somehow he would find a way to make it all work. He had never touched a man the way he was about to touch his best friend, but he knew he had to start somewhere.
Ray walked across the room and knelt on the floor in front of Fraser's chair. He took his best friend's right arm in his left hand and put his right hand on Benny's left cheek , raising the heart-stopping blue eyes to his own. The pain he saw in them was almost unbearable. He had caused that pain and he would never forgive himself for the awkwardness that made him to hurt the only person he had ever truly loved.
"Fraser...Benny...Ben", he started. "I can't believe that you love me. I put on brave face and pretend that I'm tough but sometimes I feel like such a failure. I was about to be fired before you jump started my career and now I don't seem to be able to do anything without you. I love you, too. When I saw you lying in the road after you fell off the van, I almost died. If I'd lost you I don't know what I would have done. I'm not sure I would have ever found a name for my feelings for you but now that you've given it to me I know that I what I feel for you is love. I want to protect and hold you and make you happy. Where do we go from here?" He knew he was starting to babble and he took a deep breath and stopped, looking at Benton's face.
It took Benton a second to realize what Ray had said. HE LOVED HIM!! He loved him and wanted him too. Words were failing the usually verbose Mountie so he opened his arms and gathered his newly found love to his chest, resting his cheek on Ray's head.
Ray, for his part, moved his hands up Benton's arms wrapping them around his broad, strong back and held on as tightly as he could. When Benton raised his head and looked like he was about to start talking Ray took the initiative, in his typical Chicago style and looking deeply into Ben's hypnotic blue eyes kissed him firmly on the lips. They stayed that way for several minutes clinging to each other lips exploring, tasting, caressing each other. Each wondered how it could have taken so long to realize something that seemed so obvious.
Ray thought his heart would burst and Benton could hardly keep from laughing in pure joy. Finally they raised their heads and looked at each other, blue eyes on green. Ben said, "I thought I'd gone to far. When you looked so shocked I was sure I had disgusted you and that you were about bolt from my apartment."
Ray looked at the man he loved, got to his feet and said, "Let me show that I am very much not disgusted by you. You took me by surprise and I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry I hurt you, I couldn't believe that I would be lucky enough to have you love me. I was awkward and a little scared, I'm sorry". He pulled Ben to his feet and put both his hands on the other man's firm, warm chest. He stroked up and down Ben's chest feeling his heart thumping beneath his hands. He raised his hands to the Mountie's face and felt Ben put his hands on his hips and then begin moving them up his back to his shoulders. "You're trembling, Benny", Ray whispered.
"Yes, I am", Ben replied. "I don't want you to stop what you're doing, Ray, but you're making me want you so much. Are you sure? We can wait or not do this at all if you're uncomfortable".
"Oh, I'm very comfortable, Benny", Ray said as he pulled his lover tightly to him and kissed the side of his neck. "And I want to get a lot more comfortable with you in my arms. He took Ben's hand and led him to the bedroom. "I'm going to make up for causing you pain."
In the inviting darkness of the bedroom Ray gently pulled Ben's plaid shirt from his jeans. He smiled at the sharp intake of breath Benton took when he slid his hands underneath the cotton and smoothed them up Benton's extremely well muscled abdomen and chest.
"I'm glad you told me, Benny", Ray breathed. He began undoing Fraser's buttons. Fraser was cradling Ray's wool covered hips in his warm, strong hands, kneading the hip bones through the fabric.
"Ray, I can't believe we're here, doing this. I think I may never be this happy again."
"Wait until later, Benny and we can work on that", Ray laughed. He had opened all of buttons on Benton's shirt and was kissing the warm hollow of his throat. Ray slid his hands up his lover's chest and across his shoulders and pushed his shirt onto the floor. That was much better. Benton had begun to undo Ray's silk shirt in preparation for dropping it to the floor as well, even though he was enjoying the feel of the slippery fabric against his bare skin. Soon he had Ray half undressed as well. Benton pulled Ray against him and marvelled for the first time at the feel of Ray's hair covered chest against his own smoother one. Benton's heart was pounding and he was trembling so badly he thought he might fall over. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.
"Ray, come lie on the bed". Benton began to move backwards away from their discarded shirts, toward the bed he had slept in alone for so long. They moved awkwardly not wanting to break contact at all, even for a second. Benton bumped the bed with the backs of his legs and sat down. He swung his legs up and reached for Ray, pulling the other man down on top of him, kissing him as soon as he was close enough. Ray settled comfortably against him, fitting snugly against every part of Benton's erotically charged body. Each man drank in the sensations of being so intimately connected for the first time, kissing hungrily, caressing the other's face and arms. They each found the firmness of the other's body different from the experiences they had in the past, but that was okay. Nothing seemed odd or wrong about their loving each other like this. Their hips and legs were pressed together and Ray was amazed to find that Benton was getting hard beneath him and that he was responding the same way.
"Oh, Benny, I love the way you feel", Ray said against Benton's mouth.
"I've imagined this, but I never imagined that it would feel so good, so right", Benton answered.
Ray rolled onto his side, pulling Benton with him. He slid his fingers into the waist band of Benton's jeans. He kissed the Mountie gently and tenderly and slid his hands around to the snap and zipper of the jeans. Using his thumb he undid the snap and slid his hand down Benton's crotch cupping the firmness of his erection in his own trembling hand. Benton sucked air through his teeth and trembled deliciously against Ray. 'I can make him feel this way', thought Ray amazed that that could be so.
"Roll over. I want to take your jeans off."
"Ray, are you really sure that this is what you want?"
"Stop asking stupid questions and roll over already."
Ben shifted onto his back and pulled Ray to him as tightly as he could. Ray pulled away and moving to kneel on the bed grasped the front of Benton's jeans and pulled. Benton lifted his hips to help the process along and was soon rewarded by hearing the heavy fabric drop to the floor and feeling the air move over his legs as Ray got off the bed to remove his own pants.
Benton sat up and said, "No, Ray, let me do that". He spoke quietly, afraid to trust his voice above a whisper. Ray moved to stand in front of him and stroked his shoulders as Benton undid buttons and zipper and Ray's Italian slacks slid to floor with a murmur. He stood in front of Benton his desire obvious through the cotton of his underwear. Benton looked into his lover's face and smiled.
"I believe you now, Ray", he said, laughing a little. He leaned forward and kissed Ray's chest and stomach reaching behind him, sliding Ray's underwear to the floor and stroking his hands across Ray's firm high ass.
"Benton", Ray gasped. He thought he might faint and as he swayed slightly, Benton shifted on the bed and pulled him back down. They lay pressed together kissing and stroking every bit of warm flesh that they could reach. Ray slid his hand into the leg of Benton's boxer shorts and stroked a finger up the firm hair covered thigh.
"Benny, I love you", he whispered and moving his hand to his lover's waist pushed the thin cotton underwear down to expose Benton's firm ass and straining erection. He was only a little nervous, afraid that he might move awkwardly and hurt his lover. But working with care and all the love he could, he moved his hand across Benton's thigh and closed his hand around the shaft of his lover's extraordinarily beautiful penis. Working slowly and delicately, he moved his hand like he did on himself, using his knowledge of what felt good on his own body to bring pleasure to the man he loved.
Benton quivered under Ray's loving touch and for a moment was sure he would lose consciousness from pure pleasure. Ray kissed his mouth with increasing passion using the arm wrapped around Benton to pull him close leaving just enough room between them to allow him to keep up the erotic friction.
With a shudder that came from deep within his body, a moan escaped Benton and he came, pushing warm fluid out of his pleasure filled body onto Ray's hand and stomach. Ray smiled at his ability to give the man he loved so much pleasure.
"Oh, Ray, that was...amazing. I love you, I love the way you touch me." Tiny thrills of pleasure still pulsed in his thighs and penis and he turned onto his side pressing himself up to Ray.
"I love you, too, Benton." Somehow, Benny didn't seem appropriate when you were lying in a man's arms enjoying the feeling of his body against yours, your hand sticky with his semen.
Benton began to smooth his hand down Ray's body from his shoulder to his hip, stopping occasionally to draw his finger nails against Ray's skin. Ray thought that he might go out of his mind if his lover didn't stop.
"Benny", he groaned, "you're driving me nuts."
"That was the idea, Ray", the Mountie laughed. He changed rhythm then, stroking his hand up and down Ray's thigh, occasionally letting a finger tip stroke the heated head of Ray's penis. He was rewarded in his efforts by Ray groaning quite loudly and gripping his wrist.
"Please, Ben...please..."
Fraser smiled to himself and began kissing his way down his lover's body, pushing Ray firmly back against the mattress. He worked his way down to Ray's hips and supporting himself on one elbow leaned forward and ran the tip of his tongue against the swollen tip of his lover's penis. Ray's hips bucked off the bed and Fraser took pity on him, enclosing his lover's engorged sex in his warm, eager mouth. He had never felt so alive, even though this experience was like nothing he ever expected. He moved his head up and down the length of Ray's penis, sucking and occasionally still using the tip of his tongue to tease the sensitive tip. Ray gasped and started to shudder.
"Benny", he moaned, "oh God, Benny. Don't stop, please don't stop."
Fraser felt the tightening of the skin on Ray's trembling sex and he gave the tip one final suck. Ray's hips moved sporadically and he let go a rush of semen into Benton's mouth. Benton stayed where he was waiting for the final spasms of Ray's orgasm to pass before he moved back up the bed and wrapped his thoroughly dazed lover in his arms.
Ray took several shuddery breaths and said, "Wow!".
"I'm glad you approve, Ray".
"I can't believe...I mean...where did you....I mean...wow!"
"I didn't learn anywhere, Ray. I think you know you're the only man I have and will ever love. I just wanted to show you how much I love you. I just did what seemed right. I'm glad I did okay."
Ray didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. Benton saw the look on his face and said, "Don't worry, we'll figure out how the rest works later. Just having you sleepy and naked in my arms could keep me happy for ever. I've dreamed of this moment. I love you and we'll work everything out together."
Ray reached up and stroked his lover's cheek in answer. He leaned forward and kissed the smiling Mountie.
"Show me how to do that thing you did with your tongue", he said, wickedly, and broke into a smile of his own.
The end (for now)
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