Once upon a time, in a land that's a lot closer than you might think, unless you're European, and then everything seems like it's next door, but this place wasn't really next-door European style, just a tad bit closer than a galaxy-far-far-away style. Anyway, over There, not very long ago a-tall, at least in the geologic sense... well heck, even in dog years it wasn't more than a decade ago, really.

So over There, not Long Ago, there lived some people. (And they were all alive at the beginning, for once!) In point of fact, there were quite a few people, including a pool boy, but we're really only interested in some of them, and not the pool boy. Well, maybe the pool boy.

Ok, so the pool boy gets a big part. He got a little friendly with the casting director, if you know what I mean. (Lucky casting director.)

So in this land of many Italian-style villas complete with pool boys, there lived a fair maiden named Gabriella... no, strike that. There were no women present in this land, whatsoever. They all procreated through secret clone labs and visits to the MPreg archive. In any case, in this land, in this time, there lived a pool boy named Ray.

Ray was a beautiful pool boy who favored tight jeans and sleeveless shirts that showed off his beautiful tattoo and golden, sun-warmed skin as he cleaned the pools of his wealthy master, the Duke.

The Duke was a lonely man, as his Duchess had been killed in that freak plague that somehow wiped out all the women (okay, so maybe not *everybody* was alive) and changed all the men into raging homosexuals who procreated through secret clone labs and visits to the MPreg archive. Which wasn't really a bad thing, as raging homosexuals are quite the hot little bundles of steaming love pumps and masters of their hot, throbbing love-rods, no matter how they manage to reproduce.

The Duke was quite enamored of his pool boy, and had resolved to plunge his throbbing love pump into Ray's heated depths, but had as yet only managed to plunge his pool pump into the cool depths of the newly cleaned pools that Ray left in his wake.

For Ray was quite the pool-cleaner, and the fame of his skills (in both pool-cleaning and other pursuits) reached far and wide, until they reached the ears of Master Benton Gandolpho, Lord of Fraser, who had been looking for just such a pool-cleaner for his own vast and impressive love pump... er, pools.

So Master Benton resolved to travel next-door European style to the Duke's house, and popped onto his DogSled (known as a GTO in some strange foreign languages) and headed over to the Duke's house for lunch. Master Benton purposefully arrived early, just so he could watch Ray clean one of the Duke's pools.

Master Benton watched, entranced, as Ray slowly cleaned the pool with smooth, purposeful strokes. He was spellbound at the golden sheen to Ray's fair skin as it glittered in the sun. He drowned (or at least became somewhat short of breath) staring into the deep limpid pools that Ray had finished cleaning. He admired Ray's technique so much, he immediately resolved to have Ray practice his technique on the Fraser pools and perhaps the Fraser person, should the pool-boy so desire.

Master Benton was so entranced with Ray that he would have completely forgotten about his lunch date with the Duke. He was lucky on two counts - he'd never actually called to Duke to ask about lunch, so the Duke wasn't expecting him, and his Faithful Companion Diefenbaker reminded him.

Now, the Faithful Companion Diefenbaker had been with the Fraser family for long enough that he could practice selective deafness, however, he wasn't about to let Master Benton get away with it. Young virile masters like Master could only practice vigorous acts, and the Faithful Companion, being the wise and astute man that he was, immediately observed that Master Benton wanted to practice a certain vigorous act or two with the virile pool boy. Still, it was no excuse for selective deafness.

So the Faithful Companion Diefenbaker dragged Master Benton off to lunch with the Duke, and while Master Benton charmed the hapless Duke into fixating on the young and virile master instead of the young and virile pool boy, Diefenbaker snuck out the back.

He happened upon the pool boy, quite by intention, at the pool. Ray had finished his labors, and lay sprawled across the pool lounger, sipping a margarita.

"My son," the Faithful Companion Diefenbaker said, even though Ray wasn't his son, and Dief really wasn't all that fond of screaming little monsters that masqueraded as children in any case, "My son, are you happy cleaning the Duke's pools?"

"Old father," Ray replied, even though he wasn't related to Diefenbaker at all, "my, what big teeth you've got."

"Wrong fairy tale." Dief growled.

"Oh. Right. Sorry - where were we?"

"I had just convinced you to sneak away with Master Benton..."

"Who?"

"Tall, dark, handsome?"

"Oh, sure." Ray nodded, still not knowing who this Benton character was, and not terribly sure of the Master thing, but tall, dark and handsome was sure his thing.

"You're sneaking away with him, and you're gonna live happily ever after."

"HEA? I'm down with that."

"Right. You know some guy we can use to distract the Duke? I hate being chased all the way home by some jealous ex-lover. It's dramatic, but it's hell on my arthritis."

"I gotta cousin, name of Renfield..."

"Perfect."

And so Dief snuck Ray the pool boy into Master Benton's GTO, so that on the way home the two could meet, fall in love and have hot Force-driven monkey love. Twice, because it was a Thursday. (Wait - wrong universe. Take out the Force-driven part.) Dief, on the other hand, took the long way home, set Renfield up as the replacement pool-boy for the Duke (who never noticed, being smitten by the charms of his cook that very evening,) and still managed to beat the two home.

So the Faithful Companion Diefenbaker was there when Master Benton's GTO pulled up to the Fraser estates, its shocks somewhat worse for the wear. And he was there when Ray and Benton piled out of the DogSled and declared their love to the stars, the heavens, the sun, the moon and the rather tired shocks of the GTO. Benton declared Ray to be his true Master and resolved to sponsor their very own secret clone lab so the two could have happy little Bentons and Rays to enhance their happiness.

Diefenbaker practiced his selective deafness and hoped they would forget the clone-baby thing in the middle of their next session of dueling love pumps so that he could live happily ever after too. Because even Faithful Companions deserve to have a shot at HEA.

The End.

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