Rating/Warning: R. Language. Slashy thoughts. Surprise, surprise!
Pairing: Fraser/Vecchio, Fraser/Kowalski, sort of.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, no money, please don't sue.
Spoilers: a few.
Summary: Kowalski knows he's not wanted...
Notes: You know, I do a lot of POV stuff. And this is the first time I've attempted RayK's POV so I hope it... works! Thanks so much to Jo for all her positive support for this one. But then again, this *is* her favourite Ray... *G*
Unbeta'd. My mistakes, my weirdness, blame me.

Feedback is good for the soul!

UNINVITED - June, 2000
by Ashinae

I know when I'm not wanted.

I'm not *stupid.*

Nobody told me how gorgeous Fraser is.

Or--*Vecchio* never told me how gorgeous Fraser is.

He said, yeah, he's Canadian, he's a Mountie, he's got this wolf who likes doughnuts.

But he *never* said, Kowalski, he's fucking *gorgeous.*

So I waited, met with Vecchio and went over cases and learned about this guy who I'm pretending to be, and never *once* did he tell me what Fraser's *really* like. I'm not sure why he didn't mention that the guy has an oral fixation.

Course, thinking about Fraser's oral fixation always has me thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about because Fraser's...

Uh, Canadian.

Straighter than Straight?

See, that's the other thing. There are these *rumours* that go around, and I dunno if Fraser's even aware of them. But they're here and going around and Frannie's certainly ignoring them--of course, you would too if the rumours were about your brother and the guy you're... Can I say this nicely?

Nope.

Yeah, her brother and the guy she *stalks.*

So anyway. I know Fraser's not all that fond of me. Oh, I can tell, I'm not blind. Seems he doesn't come around here quite as often as he used to. He and Vecchio used to spend almost all their spare time together. Frase doesn't ever seem to want to see me if we're not working on a case. I invite him to movies and for pizza and Chinese food but he almost always gives me that polite smile and tells me no.

I wanna ask him if the rumours are true.

*So, Fraser, tell me. Is it just the boots Vecchio liked?*

It's not like I went out of my way to *ask* for this assignment. Just doing my duty. My part.

*Hey, Frase--do bald men really make better lovers?*

What the *fuck* is wrong with me?

I think Fraser laughs at me behind my back. I know it's not very Mountie-like, but I get this feeling he knows I can't stop thinking about him and he just sits back and laughs. Stupid *stupid* Fraser, that's not a nice thing to do.

I like to pretend sometimes that he knows and he's just waiting for me to make a move and when I do, he'll...

*Hey, uh, Frase, can I touch your Sam Browne?*

Cause, ya know... those are one hell of a pair of boots.

I just wanna jump him. Maybe tie him up in my closet and never let him out. "What? Fraser who? Oh, *that* Fraser. Nope, haven't seen him, sorry."

I think he hates me.

No, no... not *hates,* just... I dunno. Like he's all upset that I'm pretending to be Vecchio and I don't even look like him. He's all friendly on the outside, and yeah, that time when I was hiding out in the Consulate, he did call me his friend. But that's not what I mean. Oh, hell, I don't even know what I mean. I think sometimes he wants me to be Vecchio *so much* that he can't stand looking at me. Course, it might be harder on him if I really did look like Vecchio, or at least had dark hair or something.

*So, Frase. What do you say we have some hot monkey sex tonight after work?*

If I was a teenage girl, I'd be writing BF + RK all over the place. That's what it seems like sometimes. A stupid teenage girl crush because, fuck it, Fraser's *so* out of my league.

Although I *have* felt his lips on mine and oh Goddamn, it was great. I'd drown a thousand times if each time I could have him do that "buddy-breathing" thing again.

I haven't even been Vecchio for a whole year, and already I don't want to give it up. But I know as soon as Vecchio comes back, I'm gonna be yesterday's news. *Kowalski who?*

I hate Vecchio.

Hate him hate him hate him. Wish he'd fall off the face of the earth.

Ha! *VECCHIO who?* Take THAT!

It's not fair that I'm the one who can't sleep some nights. It's not fair that I have to keep thinking about him, about him and Vecchio, and how much I want Fraser and how I want to see him more, but I can't because he doesn't seem to want me to come near him when we're not working.

When I need him, he's there. He's there to catch me if I fall. But if I *need* him, he's not there. Never there. Not when I *want* him.

I wish I could hold him and touch him and, ya know, I like his hat.

This hurts about the same as everything with Stella, just in a totally different way. See, me and Stella drifted apart, were really different. Fraser and me, we're different, yeah, but we weren't *together* to begin with, and maybe we never will be and I don't want that, wanna know what it feels like--what *he* feels like--before Vecchio comes back and *fuck* Vecchio! I just want Fraser.

I know when I'm not wanted.

And Fraser doesn't want me.

But that won't stop that stupid hamster wheel in my head from going around and around and thinking of ways I could maybe get Fraser in my bed and me in his pants and how in God's name does he pull off those stupid pants in the first place?

I'm not even gonna talk about those longjohns.

How does he make even *those* God-awful things look good?

I get these pictures in my head of Fraser lying on my bed like one of those lingerie models, you know, on his side with one leg sorta bent, and with his arm down his side and his hand on his thigh, and the other hand supporting his head and lying there, smiling at me, and wearing the long underwear, and ya know, it should be funny. And it is. But it doesn't make me laugh the way it used to. The way it did the first time I thought about it. It had me pissing myself laughing for like half an hour. Now I'm just so desperate that I think even that sounds nice.

"Hey, Frase," I say to him one night after we have once again saved Chicago from the scum of the earth. "Wanna come up to my place? I'll order a pizza."

There's the slightest pause before he actually says, "That sounds nice, Ray."

I am *this close* to jumping him right there in the car. And I can't quite believe he said yes, but pretty soon he's up in my apartment, sitting on *my* couch and YES! Life is good.

Still doesn't mean he wants me, I gotta remind myself.

But if I have my way about it...