This comes right after Vigilance. I poked my fingers into this saga after pleading for permission to do so. It has captivated me, distracted me from work on my own two series of Due Slash and in general wreaked havoc on my personal life. I'd like to take this opportunity to pound Elaine over the head with a dead otter for doing this to me. It's all her fault. And now you too are being made to suffer as I take your hand and lead unsuspecting of the obsession looming over you, through a time in Ray and Ben's . . .

"No, Benny. Diapers." Ray juggled the phone receiver as he tried to cradle it between his left ear and shoulder while scanning the report Louise St. Laurent had just handed him. She tapped her watch meaningfully and Ray flicked her a quick glance across his desk. He held up his outspread hand, silently asking her for five more minutes. The Assistant District attorney threw her hands up in the air and walked away.

"Benny, I really gotta go. Can you pick up the stuff on your way home tonight?" He closed the folder and took hold of the receiver again. "Yes, you can. Just buckle him in his car seat and if he starts to cry pull over and tend to him. It's not a big deal, Benny. If you can chauffeur the Dragon Lady all over Chicago you can drive one tiny little baby around. Yes. I'm sorry. Meg," he said with a long-suffering tone. "Look, I gotta go. Just write a check for everything. My checkbook's in the Riv's glove compartment and you're signature's on the account. Bye, lover. Kiss my boy for me."

Ben hung up the receiver and moved around his desk to check on the sleeping baby. Nine-month-old Fraser didn't look at all discomfited to be sleeping in a small crate on the floor in his father's office. Diefenbaker lay curled along one side of the wooden box. The wolf lifted his head and peered up at the Mountie who bent to touch his son's soft cheek.

"He's beautiful, Dief. I can't believe we're lucky enough to have him in our lives. Ray says the fussiness could just be teething. We will have to ask somebody about it. He said he thought this was the age when his niece and nephews had the most problems. That doesn't sound very reassuring though, does it? I will have to find a better source of information than the child care book Maria brought us when Fraser first . . . "

Ben reflected back over the days immediately following the shooting of Victoria. Those horrible dark days ran together into a solid block of confusion with only one touchstone to reality, one image to calibrate his sanity by. Ray. Ray who loved him enough to stay with him through his self imposed madness. Ray who kept him alive, who loved him simply . . . enough. And here was the result of Ray's love. Ray had brought Fraser into their lives and made the three of them a family. Ben smiled and stared off into infinity as he thought of his lover.

Then as baby Fraser made a sniffling noise Ben's attention was pulled back to the office. Ben brushed a dark curl from his son's forehead. His round face felt a bit too warm.

He gently lifted the sleeping boy and cradled him in his arms. The first time he'd seen that face Ray had been the one to place him in his arms. Ray had cared for them both, bathing and feeding, getting his sister to help them with what they needed to care for such a tiny helpless infant. There had been the crib, soft linens and lotions and powder. And the book. Ben rose slowly and trod softly to his desk. He managed to extract the book from Fraser's diaper bag without making any noise that might disturb the baby.

After a few fruitless minutes of searching the text he replaced the book and laid the baby back in the padded crate.

"Constable, I assume you have a good explanation for why your son is once again sleeping on your office floor?"

Ben jerked upright as Inspector Margaret Thatcher entered his office. He banged his knee on the edge of his desk and managed to kick his trash can in the process. Fraser woke with a tiny wail of protest at the intrusion on his nap time.

"Permission to . . . ah," Ben nodded his head in the direction of the fussing baby.

"Permission granted, Constable. Please see if you can manage to tend to him without further injury to yourself. I'm sure I don't know why I came in here to object to your insisting on turning the consulate into your private day care facility. It certainly hasn't impacted your performance of your duties any." Meg wandered further into the tiny office and sat by the window as her officer gently picked up the fussing baby, rocking him and soothing him with a sure touch.

"I can assure you, Inspector, I have not allowed my outside activities to interfere with the execution of my duties here at the consulate. I am-"

Meg lifted a hand as if to ward off his impending explanation. "Please don't. You don't need to assure me of anything. I can see the dark circles under your eyes. I'm fully aware of just how hard you've been working to stay up on things, the extra hours you've put in, the shift juggling you've been doing with Ovitz. Don't think I don't appreciate your efforts or that I don't understand your motivation. I do. But I'm worried about you, Ben. Have you taken a good look at yourself lately? I mean have you noticed that those dark circles under your eyes never fade anymore? Not since Vecchio--" she stopped, clamping her lips into a thin line.

"Since Ray was hurt," Ben finished for her. Since he'd almost lost the other half of his heart, the other half of baby Fraser's world. Ben swallowed and held his son closer. "Things will get better, sir. Ray and I are just feeling our way through a few rough spots."

"Yes, Ben. I see that you are. You're damn lucky to have him, you know?"

"Yes sir," he replied looking down at his son appreciatively. Her words seemed to echo just what he'd been telling Dief moments earlier. He was damn lucky to have his son.

"I mean, Vecchio can be incredibly annoying at times and I certainly would never have thought that the two of you would . . ."

Ben looked up at her in surprise. "Ray?"

"I never would have thought the two of you would make such a good . . . um . . ."

"Couple?" he supplied with a smile.

"Yes," she agreed quickly, relief plain in her tone. "You're just lucky to have him, that's all I was trying to say."

"Yes sir," he said again, but this time he understood who she was referring to. A sudden urge to call Ray swept through him. It was as if he could feel that Ray needed him at that moment.

"Damn. I can't deal with this shit, Louise." Ray trailed along through the precinct's warren of halls after the auburn haired attorney, trying to explain his position to her. The information on the case that was going to trial was all up to date. There was nothing more he could do to help her. But she'd gotten Welsh to order him to put in an extra hour this evening reviewing the case with her. Ray struggled to keep up with her. The weakness on the left side of his body, a result from the beating he'd received three months ago still had him limping. The therapist reassured him it would completely disappear if he'd get enough rest. Ray hated acknowledging that it was worse when he was tired. Which seemed to be all the time.

In the dingy precinct hall Louise rounded on him, her eyes flashing her impatience. "Look Vecchio--"

Ray jerked to a stop too quickly in his effort to avoid colliding with her. He stumbled to his left and Louise, eyes wide in alarm reached out to prevent him from falling. Her right hand caught at his left and the contact was too great for him to keep a hold on the file folder. It fell from his weakened grasp, scattering papers all about them on the floor.

Ray looked down at the mess around them. He closed his eyes and clenched his hands. Blessedly Louise didn't begin berating him. He tried to steady the tremor running through his whole body before she started in on him. A feathery sensation of touch flitted along his left shoulder. Then arms came about him hugging him loosely. Ray opened his eyes and saw the shimmering redness of Louise's hair. She held him, patting him gently on the back. Ray swallowed.

"Sorry Ray. You all right?" she asked.

"Shu-" He cleared his throat and tried to answer her. "Sure. I'm fine. Everything's fine. Sorry 'bout the mess," he said as she stepped away. He tried one of his winning smiles on her.

Louise smiled instantly. "You've always been something of a mess, Vecchio."

The smile melted from his face and Ray turned away. "Go on," he said in a too-small voice. "I'll get these papers cleaned up and back to your office. Just-" with a quick shake of his head he knelt awkwardly and started scooting the papers together.

Louise joined him. Mutely he allowed her to intrude on his task. He didn't have the strength to tell her to leave him alone. He braced himself against the wall to rise and Louise was there, lending him a steadying hand whether he wanted it or not. She pulled him down the hall and into an empty observation booth. Ray slumped down into the metal chair and waited for her to begin the lecture he knew was coming.

"Like I said, Vecchio, I'm sorry. I'm not the heartless bitch everybody around here seems to think I am."

Ray brought his gaze up from the floor, an automatic protest forming on his lips but she didn't give him a chance to speak.

"I've been riding you a little too hard this past week. The truth is, Ray, this case is getting to me. Doesn't that ever happen to you?"

He looked at her to see if she really wanted an answer. She gazed expectantly at him. There was no way he would be able to get a sound past the lump in his throat. It was getting harder by the second to hold on to what little control he had left over his emotions. He swallowed and nodded. Yeah, things got to him. Lately every damn thing in the world got to him. It was like he had no reserve left. No reserve energy to draw on. No reserve of calm to pull out and hide behind when things got rocky. And every damn thing in his day seemed to turn out rocky lately.

"Yeah," she said to acknowledge his unspoken answer. "So we do still have something in common, don't we?"

He couldn't think of anything to say to her.

"Everything all right between you and . . . your friend?"

Shit! Ray silently cursed. Was she going to start in on Benny now? It had been awkward enough the first time he'd had to face her after knowing she'd heard about the two of them. Louise had been silent and angry then, and he had no words to reassure her that he hadn't been just playing with her when he'd pursued a relationship with her.

"I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, Ray. We don't exactly have the best of relationships. Never have, I suppose. But you need to find someone you can talk to about this."

"I'm fine, Louise. About our relationship," he began, struggling for the right words, " you're right. It never has been the best but I never meant to hurt you."

"I figured that out, Vecchio." Louise dragged a chair around and sat facing him. "The others around here may be blind to certain things about you . . . and the Mountie, but I realize there was nothing going on between the two of you when we were playing at dating."

"It wasn't play--"

"Sorry," she protested, holding up her hands. "I mean that neither you nor I were really ready for anything serious to develop between us. We're really not compatible." She smiled.

"I suppose not," Ray agreed. "I just wanted to say that I never meant to hurt you or make you look like . . ."

"A fool. I know. I got awfully sick of the snide whispers and comments flung at my back after the news of you and the Mountie came out."

Ray nodded. How in the world could the beautiful love he felt for Benny cause so many people so much unhappiness?

"Anyway, I'm a big girl. I survived it. I had friends who backed me up, who were there to listen to me when I needed to vent. You need to do the same thing, Ray. You need to vent."

Ray nodded. Louise continued to stare at him and for a horrified moment Ray thought she might be expecting him to tell her his problems. A protest formed on his lips but Louise rose and stepped to the door.

"I hope you take my advice, find an understanding soul and bend their ear," she said with a smile. Then she left, pulling the door closed behind her.

Ray levered himself out of the chair and lurched to the door. He locked the handle, heaving a sigh as he heard the mechanism click. With his shoulder against the door, Ray closed his eyes and sank to the floor. Maybe the feeling would fade, the tightness in his chest, the cold pain sweeping through his mind like a black tornado. He fought but lost the battle as tears slid from his eyes.

The wail of a police cruiser's siren cut through the urban growl and brought Constable Benton Fraser's pacing to an abrupt halt. He craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the approaching vehicle, certain that Ray had commandeered the fastest ride possible to the pediatrician's office. He met his lover halfway to the building and caught him in his arms.

"The baby?" Ray asked in desperation.

"He's going to be fine, Ray. The doctor is arranging for an ambulance to transport Fraser to the hospital."

Ray clutched tightly at Benny's arms and pulled back far enough to gaze searchingly into his eyes. "God, Benny. This-- how could it have--"

"He'll be fine, Ray," Ben reassured his lover.

"But how could he have gotten so sick and me not notice? I can't believe I could have ignored symptoms like those."

"It's not that unusual to mistake the symptoms of this type of viral infection for teething."

The arrival of an ambulance stopped Ray's self beratement and he and Benny quickly joined the paramedics who would transport their son to the children's hospital.

Ray huddled over the sleeping infant during the quiet ride. Ben held his lover's hand in a tight grip as they watched the paramedic monitor the infant's condition.

"He's stable," the young man said to them with a gentle smile.

Ray leaned back against Benny and held himself there as self doubt and fear washed through him. "Benny it should have never gotten to this point. If I'd listened to you on the phone, realized that you were justly worried about his fussiness . . ."

"Ray, I hope you don't mind but I called Francesca and Maria. I thought it would help reassure you if you had family around you. I hope I haven't done anything that will disturb you."

Once again Ray tightened his hold on Benny's hand. "You always know just what to do, don't you?" he asked with a strained smile. His lover leaned closer and kissed his cheek. Ray closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Benny's shoulder.

The paramedic eyed them with alarm but neither man spared him a glance or an explanation.

In the bustle of the pediatric emergency ward Fraser was put through the rigors of being checked into the hospital. The IV line that the paramedic had inserted was secured against his leg and he was weighed, checked for blood pressure, temperature, and typed.

Ray cringed as the baby cried at the pain and discomfort of the experience. He turned to search for contact and found himself in the comforting circle of his lover's arms.

Moments later a young woman pulled aside the cubicle's curtains and held out a clip board of hospital admission forms. Ray shifted to Benny's side so the Mountie could take the offered clip board and pen from the short brunette clerk.

"Insurance card?" the clerk asked him.

Ben stared at her for a moment. He pulled out his wallet and fumbled to extract his own medical supplement card. Employees of the embassy were provided with health coverage as part of their posting, private coverage that was not necessary in Canada where health care was provided for all citizens.

"This covers your son too?" the clerk asked.

"Actually I'm not sure it does," Ben replied truthfully. "I don't think the consulate has ever made arrangements to add Fraser to my--"

"Then we'll need some form of payment today," she said.

"Is that necessary? I don't have--"

Ray pulled out his wallet and handed it to his lover. "Give her a credit card," he said tersely.

"But Ray, surely we can make some form of arrangement to pay the bill from our salaries over a period of--"

"Just give her the damn card and get rid of her," he exclaimed. He clenched his fist as Fraser made a wail of protest at another inflicted pain by the nurses working on him. "Not that one," he said as Benny held a red card out to the clerk. "It's maxed out. Give her the gray one." Ray turned back to Fraser's side as Benny dealt with the young woman from accounting.

Ray limped and leaned heavily on Benny as they followed the entourage who wheeled their son to his room. By the time Fraser was settled in a steel railed infant's bed Ray was almost totally supported by Benny.

The highly polished metal bars of the infant's bed reminded Ray entirely too much of an animal's cage. The very sight of it was repugnant. And the thought of their son in it turned Ray's stomach. He stood in Benny's embrace in the darkened room, watching Fraser sleep.

"Hey," Francesca's soft call brought Ray out of his dark reverie. She slipped into the room and approached the men as if she were walking on broken glass.

Ray slipped one hand from around Benny and reached out to her. "It's all right, Frannie," he offered what reassurance he could. "Come on in."

She took his hand and stepped up to the crib. "How is he?"

"Resting well," Ben answered. "The doctors are most encouraging about a complete and speedy recovery."

"Encephalitis," Francesca said with a shake of her head. "I remember when little Tony had a fever, Ma could tell by a glance whether he had one degree of fever or two, and whether his rash was caused by his medicine, or if he was-"

"Well little Fraser doesn't exactly have the benefit of a grandmother's experience around, does he?" Ray snapped as he pulled away from them and paced in a limping gate around the room. "I'm doing the best I can, Frannie. I've had a lot more experience than Benny has with babies but-"

Ben crossed the room and took hold of Ray's shoulders. "There's no reason for either of us to feel guilty about Fraser becoming ill, Ray. Infants contract a multitude of illnesses as they--" He stopped his methodical and logical dissertation and with a hand under his lover's chin lifted his face and met his gaze. Ray's green eyes were dark with pain. Silently Ben wrapped his arms around Ray and massaged the back of his neck.

Ray relaxed against his lover's solid presence. Finally his hands came up and he embraced his lover loosely. He basked in the solid comfort as Ben stroked him, calming him and giving him strength. When his breathing had settled to a slow rhythm Ben led him over to the padded recliner chair by the crib. Ray allowed his lover to seat him and tuck a blanket around him. Ray laid back and his eyes drifted closed.

Satisfied that Ray was resting Ben led Francesca from the dimly lit room into the hospital hall. "Thank you for coming, Francesca. It means a lot to Ray to have you here."

"It's okay, Benton. You don't have to thank me. Ray is my brother. How could I not come? And Maria will be here in a little bit. She's waiting for Tony to get home to watch the kids."

"I understand," Ben said. "Francesca, what does maxed out mean?"

"What? Maxed out? In reference to what? What was maxed out?"

"It was in reference to a credit card I believe."

"Oh. It just means you've charged up to the limit set on the card. Why? Have you got a credit card that you've maxed out?"

"No, I don't own a credit card."

"Well it couldn't have been Ray's card that was maxed out. That guy has so much credit it's ridiculous. He's always been so picky about paying bills on time, keeping his credit record clean that companies are dying to get him to take one of their cards. You should see him when he does the household bills, every thing spread all over the table, each utility bill meticulously checked and double checked. And they way he keeps records, I swear he should'a been an accountant."

"The household accounts? He is still doing them? How?"

Francesca stopped and looked up at the Mountie. "I don't know. I suppose he's having all his mail forwarded to your place. I mean your apartment, his and your apartment," she fumbled to correct herself.

Ben turned to look at the door to Fraser's room. His lover and his son were both asleep in there, both ill and in need of a chance to heal, to recover their strength. Fraser had tried his best to communicate his distress with his crying and fussiness, the only way a baby had of letting one know they were in need. But Ray had said nothing about his distress. He'd never mentioned the credit card problem, the fact that he was not only paying for part of their family's living expenses but those of his mother, Francesca and Maria's family as well.

How was Ray managing it? Well, he wasn't managing it, was he? Or the credit card would not have been used to its limit.

"There's Maria," Francesca said.

"Ah." Ben nodded. "I expect she'll want to go in and see Ray?"

"Of course," Frannie said a little surprised. She tugged at the Mountie and got him moving back down the hall. "And she'll want an update on the baby."

They met Maria outside the closed door. "Good afternoon, Maria." Ben nodded formally to her.

"How is he? Can I go in and see him? The nurse at the desk didn't know anything. What did the doctor say?"

"Uh." Ben tried to sort through her questions and decide which should be answered first. "Fraser is resting well." He was amazed at how alike the sisters sounded.

"The doctor expects him to get better real quick," Frannie answered her sister. "And they don't expect him to have any lasting problems from it."

"Good," Maria sighed the word. "Hey, where's that brother of mine? He should be here tending to the baby, or at least lending you support, Benton."

"I assure you that Ray is here, Maria. He's inside with Fraser."

"Yeah. Maria, Ray looks kinda . . ." Frannie paused and glanced up at the Mountie.

"What? He looks what?" Maria asked.

"Um, tired," she finished.

Ben opened the door as quietly as he could and the two women followed him into the darkened room. He laid his hand on his sleeping son's back just to reassure himself that the baby was doing well. His breaths were even and deep. The monitors beeped and blinked as they should. Then Ben stepped aside to allow Ray's sisters to see Fraser.

As the two women murmured to each other he moved over to the recliner where Ray was asleep. In the dim light he could see sparkles of wetness on his lover's cheeks. After he and Francesca had left the room Ray had cried. Ben pulled a Kleenex from the bedside table and gently wiped at Ray's face. He bent to kiss the dried cheeks but stopped as he heard the scrape of a sole on the floor at his side. He glanced up and saw Maria staring at her brother.

"You're right, Frannie. He doesn't look any better at all."

*

No more hospitals," Ray declared in a quiet but firm voice as Ben settled their son in his crib by their bed. Dief padded in a circle at the end of the crib and settled down on watch.

Ben tucked the freshly laundered blanket around the baby's chin and sat down on the bed beside his lover. Ray leaned heavily against him and Ben took the opportunity to start undressing the detective. Ray relaxed against him and let Ben's fingers find their own way to his buttons.

"I mean it, Benny. I hereby put a moratorium on hospitals for this family. We're forbidden to see the inside of one for at least . . ." he swung his left arm wide, "oh, a year. Now that's not asking too much, is it?"

Ben chuckled as he pulled the Armani jacket from Ray's right arm. "Not at all. At least not for a "normal" family, Ray. But you need to remember we're not exactly a "normal" nuclear family, are we?"

"Not exactly. And I think you could count us as over the risk limit just because we got two of us working in law enforcement. Never mind the rest of our little "unusualness"."

Ray joined in as Ben laughed at the absurd word. The Mountie removed the rest of his lover's clothing and Ray lay back, sprawled wide in the bed.

"Could you hang my suit up? I have to wear it again tomorrow. If you hang it some of the wrinkles will fall out."

"Didn't you pick up your dry cleaning today?"

"I forgot to drop it off last week. It's all still in the closet. I'll get to it tomorrow."

Ben shucked his own clothes, being much less careful with how they ended up heaped on the bedside table. He crawled up next to Ray and draped the covers over their nude forms. With one arm resting over Ray's chest Ben was soon fast asleep.

As soon as the apartment was totally quiet Ray's eyes flew open. He listened for what ever noise had awakened him but he heard nothing. Oh, he heard plenty actually. The constant murmur of a city, traffic noises, neighbors fighting, the distant wail of a siren. He could feel the pulse of Benny's heart, hear Dief's cooling breaths.

He gently shifted his lover's arm and rose from the bed. The foggy glow of city lights washed the apartment in a pale silver as Ray pulled on a robe and made his way cautiously around the bed to Fraser's crib. Dief raised his head and Ray mouthed a greeting to the deaf wolf. Satisfied, Dief lay his head back down on his paws. Ray gazed down at the cherubic features of Fraser; pale, soft skin, dark curly hair. He so very much looked like Ben. Ray reached out and traced a finger along one round cheek.

"How am I gonna teach you to throw a baseball?" he whispered. "And how the hell am I gonna do it here in this neighborhood? Even if I do get to where I can hold a ball for more than five seconds without dropping the damn thing . . . And I wanna teach you to ride a bike. I wanna be able to sit on the front step and watch you show off after we take the training wheels off--"

Ray swallowed and wiped at the tear on his cheek. He drew a deep breath and straightened up. Carefully, slowly and quietly he made his way back to his side of the bed and crawled in beside his lover. In his sleep Ben moved instinctively to Ray's side and molded himself to the slender man. Ray sighed and relaxed in Ben's loose embrace. He tried to will himself to sleep but it didn't come easily.

A gentle patter of kisses, like raindrops, landed across Ray's brow. He smiled but kept his eyes closed. Fraser had been home from the hospital for two weeks and this was how Ben had woken him each morning of those two weeks.

"Cut it out, Brenda," Ray whined and made a feeble batting motion as he rolled away.

"Brenda?" Ben demanded in a shocked tone. In one swift motion he stripped the covers from Ray. "Brenda? Did you call me--" he was interrupted as Ray seemed to erupt from the bed, grabbing the Canadian around the hips and trying to tickle every piece of flesh he could reach.

"Ah! Ray!" Ben protested. "Stop! Stop or I'll retaliate." He pushed ineffectually at the detective who never slowed for a moment.

Ray laughed and redoubled his weak efforts, throwing in kisses and sharp nips between tickles.

"Lover!" Ben scolded him. He pushed Ray onto his back, trying to be mindful of Ray's weakness. Ray hated acknowledging that he was still having problems but Ben was always aware of what a struggle it was for Ray to climb the stairs to their third floor apartment at the end of a long shift. It was four months since that attack in the park. Ray had made wonderful progress but he had a long way to go in his therapy before he would be up to full strength in the left side of his body.

"Ah Benny." Ray hooked his left hand around the back of the Mountie's neck and urged him down for a kiss.

Ben lowered himself over Ray, covering him and settling on him as if their two bodies had been made for the sole purpose of fitting together this way. He felt Ray's lean muscular frame beneath his broader one, his lover's litheness a perfect compliment to Ben's own sturdy strength. He smiled at the pleased expression that slid across Ray's face. Ray's lips parted, his eyes drifted half closed and Ben followed the unspoken invitation to a kiss. Their lips met and Ray groaned surprisingly harsh, plainly needful. Ben worked his thighs between Ray's legs and spread the detective's limbs wide.

Ray pulled his mouth free and gasped then groped upward for Ben's mouth again. Ben met him with an eager tongue, exploring Ray's mouth, searching for his lover's tongue, stroking across sharp teeth to the hot moistness inside. Between their kisses Ray murmured Ben's name.

As his lover rocked his hips forward Ray arched up from the bed, pushing himself against Ben. "Please. Benny. Please."

Instead of speaking Ben shifted so that his erection was rubbing along Ray's thigh. Ray moaned in appreciation and began rocking against Ben. His own cock was not hard but he worked it against Ben's thigh as they pumped together.

"Benny, I want you." Ray breathed the words in his lover's ear. He shifted, trying to pull his legs up and further apart.

Ben buried his face in the crook of Ray's neck, breathing heavy as the musk scent of Ray filled him. After a few more thrusts he eased up, allowing Ray to achieve the position he wanted, his legs drawn up, and Ben's cockhead resting against his hole. Ben reached a hand down between them and fumbled for Ray, found him completely soft and hesitated.

"Please," Ray moaned the word against Ben's chest as he pulled himself up. He slid his hands down Ben's back to his firm buttocks and pulled his lover forward. The precum that moistened the tip of Ben's cock was enough wetness to ease his entry as Ben slipped inside his lover's ass.

Ray gasped and arched back as the delicious sensation filled him. "Benny, my sweet Benny," he murmured, his eyes screwed shut, his mind lost in the wonder of the moment.

With his lips set in a tight line Ben eased himself deep inside Ray. He watched Ray's face for any sign of distress but all he saw was hot desire. Lately it had been rare that they had made love this way, exceedingly rare, he realized. He worked his hand up and down Ray's penis, pulling and kneading from base to head. Suddenly Ray reached down and pulled Ben's hand away.

Ben stopped the almost lazy movement of his hips that he'd been making purely by instinct. "Ray--"

"Fuck me, Benny," Ray interrupted almost coldly.

Shocked at the harshness of the words Ben tried to lock gazes with Ray but his lover kept his eyes shut tightly. He could see the strain Ray was exerting to keep a tight hold on him, to keep their bodies locked together as they had rarely been since the attack in the park. Ben pushed his hips forward, easing completely into Ray. It felt good to be joined like this, to be so intimately mated with the one he loved. Ben rocked his hips back, withdrawing, feeling the ring of Ray's ass muscle slide along his shaft. Ray moaned and Ben thrust forward a little faster. Ray responded beautifully. Ben rocked back and reveled in the response Ray gave to his movements. Then he was thrusting, pumping deep in and out of Ray, trying to keep his upper body steady so he could watch Ray's face as he made love to him.

Ray's mouth was open and he breathed harshly as Ben moved in and out of him. Each plunge in pushed his breath out and he gasped in little lungfulls of air between each thrust.

Ben worked hard, his thigh muscles driving him back and forth, his arms and shoulders working like steel springs with each movement. He felt his balls, his ass, churning with the flush of sexual arousal and he longed to cum inside Ray. He concentrated, trying to drive away the tension and exhaustion that had been riding him, driving him for so long now. He filled his mind with thoughts of Ray, Ray smiling, Ray kissing him, Ray in the throws of orgasm. Beautiful, loving Ray. Ben felt beads of sweat forming on his brow as he worked his cock inside his lover.

Ray was gasping now, his hands locked around Benny's biceps. As his lover rocked on and on, Ray's hands slid down to Benny's forearms, and his elbows rested on the bed. His legs ached so he locked his heels together behind Benny's back. He opened one eye just a crack and saw Benny's face screwed up in concentration. Benny's eyes were clenched as tight as Ray's had been. He saw the sweat on the man's brow. As he watched it formed rivulets and rolled down the sides of his face. A drop splashed on Ray's chest.

His ass felt dry now but Ray clamped his lips together and held on to Benny's arms. Benny kept pumping in him and when he saw Benny's eyes flicker open Ray closed his. To his left Ray heard a rustling noise. 'Please, God, let it just be Dief shifting around,' Ray silently pleaded.

"The baby," Ben said as he slowed his movements.

"No!" Ray cried as he opened his eyes and hooked his fingers around the backs of Benny's thighs. He pulled Benny back to him. "Don't stop."

Ben began pumping again, but his face was turned to the crib. "He's waking up, Ray."

"Benny," Ray protested as he pulled his lover's face back around to him. "Just a minute more."

With renewed effort Benny pumped into him and Ray closed his eyes again. Benny's thrusts grew more forceful and Ray felt himself being scooted along the bed. He bit his lip to keep from crying out. Finally he had to put a hand over his head to keep himself from bumping against the wall. Ben's harsh breathing filled the room and Ray was grateful that Benny didn't make any further protest as Fraser continued to stir. Soon, Benny had to come soon, Ray hoped.

He felt his lover's efforts grow erratic and his hope rose as he recognized the disjointed pattern. Ben thrust hard once, small gasps of almost-pain escaping him as orgasm overcame him. The Canadian thrust in deep quick jerks as hot semen flooded from him in thick spurts. Ray clung to him, almost beyond the point of exhaustion now but trying hard to feel everything that his lover emptied into him. He concentrated on it, imagining the white liquid as it left Benny and entered him.

Finally Benny collapsed onto him, covering him with his sweat sheened body. Ray lowered his shaking legs, feeling his muscles jump and quiver. He raised an unsteady hand to wipe at the sweat running into Benny's eyes. The Mountie shifted off of him and reached down for Ray's cock. Once again Ray pushed his hand away.

"But--" Ben protested. "Ray, don't you want to cum?"

"The baby," Ray said, nodding toward the crib.

Ben raised up on one elbow and looked at the crib. Fraser lay curled on his side, his face peaceful in slumber. "He's gone back to sleep, Ray." Ben reached for Ray and was pushed away again.

Ray rolled away from his lover, unable to speak past the lump in his throat.

"You never got hard. Ray, talk to me." Ben stroked a hand lightly down Ray's back.

"I'm tired, that's all." Ray fought to keep his voice steady but Ben moved over him, looking down at him. The detective felt a feather light touch on his eyelashes. Ben wiped away the moisture of his tears. Then Ray felt himself gathered up into Ben's arms, cradled and rocked as Benny held him and loved him.

"I took too long."

"No," Ray protested as he scrubbed a hand across his eyes.

"I did," Ben insisted. "I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not like I'm getting too much of it," he said then laughed nervously. "I mean we haven't exactly been--"

The ringing of Ray's cell phone interrupted him. Automatically Ben reached over Ray to retrieve the phone from it's charging unit. He flipped it open and handed it to Ray.

Ray struggled to sit upright. "Vecchio."

The side of the conversation that Ben could hear brought him a sense of almost overwhelming disappointment.

"It's all right, Mrs. Wilson. I'll call someone else to sit with the baby today. Yes," Ray said into the phone. "Just take care of your cold. Hope you feel better soon. Bye."

Ben took the phone from Ray's lax hand and put it back in the charger. There would be no other call. There was no one else who would take care of Fraser here in the apartment. The list of people willing to come into this neighborhood, who were responsible and trustworthy enough to care for their child was quite a short one. "The daycare center over on Colfax--"

"No way, Benny. I'm not taking him there again. That place is full of germs and he just got out of the hospital." Ray swung his legs over the side of the bed and tugged his robe from the bedpost.

"Fraser is not just out of the hospital, Ray. He's been out for twelve days and--"

"I said no!" Ray tied the robe closed and moved into the kitchen. He filled a glass with the tepid water from the tap and drank it down in gulps. Suddenly Ben was behind him, pressed up against his back.

"I'll take him with me to the consulate. The delegation from Japan isn't due until noon. And you take the car. I need the walk today." Ben desperately needed the walk. He'd planned to leave the apartment before dawn and go east to the waterfront. He missed the solitude and quiet of the evening and early morning excursions he used to be able to take. And besides, Diefenbaker was getting lazy and Ben was determined to get him out and about today.

"I'll be through at the court house well before noon." Ray leaned back into Ben's embrace.

"I'm proud of you, Ray. That case you closed was pretty impressive."

Ray smiled and turned in Ben's arms. "Impressive, eh? Now what makes you say that, Benny? I don't think I've ever heard you say anything quite like that before."

"I heard what Ms. St. Laurent said about you to Lieutenant Welsh. This will mean a promotion when the press conference details your actions. I wish I could be there in person to see you up on the dais with the commissioner and the district attorney and Ms. St. Laurent." Ben's eyes flicked across the room to the closet. "Don't you have a better suit to wear than that--"

"I got a clean shirt," Ray interrupted and kissed Ben's nose playfully. "I'll look fine. And you're gonna see me on T V, right?" He pulled away and began preparing a pot of coffee.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, sweetheart."

Ray's eyebrows rose. "Sweetheart?" He grinned broadly.

"Yes," Ben replied as he hugged Ray to him again. "My sweetheart. My lover." He stole a quick kiss but found it returned in double strength.

Ray pulled Ben to him and the Mountie gathered the detective close. Suddenly they both pulled away and turned to the crib.

Sleepy round blue eyes regarded the two men. Fraser sat in the middle of the crib, his stuffed bear clutched in one hand, his blue blanket in the other.

"Just like his dad," Ben said as he stroked the back of Ray's hand that was twisted in the lapel of Ben's robe.

"What?" Ray asked.

"Hanging on to what he loves," Ben said as he looked pointedly at Ray's hand.

"Oh, me? You mean me?" Ray blushed and smiled.

"Yes. And don't you ever let go."

"Why, Benton Fraser." Ray said in a falsetto voice as he batted his eyelashes. "I don't believe I've ever heard you talk this way before.

"Then it's certainly time you did, Ray. I've noticed how Fraser responds to the nonsense speeches you give him when you are attending to his needs. Apparently that form of verbal stroking is an important part of human development. I've noticed how he responds to you. And I want to be sure he responds to me in the same positive way."

"Nonsense speeches?" Ray asked indignantly. "I sure hope you're not referring to the advice I've been giving him--"

"Ah. Is that what you call it? Advice? Such as telling him the proper way to order pizza? And you give him this same advice every time you give him a bath. And then there's the bit of advice he gets every time you put lotion on him."

"You mean that sage and vital information on the proper way to hail a cab? Hey the kid's gotta learn some time."

"I see." Ben followed Ray to the crib. As the cop lifted the infant and cuddled him Ben kissed the baby's tousled curls. "Then I think I should start educating him in the proper care and maintenance of dog sled harnesses." He lifted Fraser from Ray's arms and laid the baby on the changing table and began removing his one piece pajama suit. "Now son, as you will soon learn a team's harness is only as strong as it's thinnest strip of leather--"

"You really are a nut, Benton Fraser. You know that?" Ray gave his love a quick hug before beginning his own morning preparations.

"God damn--" Ray clenched his lips to silence his outburst. He laid the phone receiver down on his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose between his left thumb and forefinger. The pressure behind his eyes grew despite his efforts to calm down.

"Detective? Are you still there?"

Ray heard Ovitz' tinny voice from the receiver and brought it back up to his ear. "Yeah. I'm here. I'm supposed to be leaving for the court house in ten minutes. How early will the Japanese delegate be arriving?"

As he listened to the answer Ray felt like swearing again but it wouldn't do any good. Ben hadn't mentioned this morning that Thatcher was being reviewed this week. If Ovitz hadn't let that slip Ray would have assumed Ben could handle the delegation's change in schedule without much of a repercussion. But if the Dragon Lady got a bad review, if something happened that caused Ben to lose the cushion of security her good will provided, then their family could be in for some rough times. Margaret Thatcher had been more than understanding and accommodating during their problems lately. Hell, Ray realized, without Meg's help they might not even be a family.

"Ovitz, I'm on my way to the consulate. Just be sure someone will let me in. I don't want to get held at the front door because of some extra security or anything."

He handled the Riv pretty smoothly during the drive to the consulate. Ray didn't hesitate a second about parking in front of the fire hydrant. He left the spinning red light on his dash and entered the consulate. Bypassing the stairs with relief Ray rode the elevator to the second floor and entered his lover's small office. Dief trotted over to greet him.

"Hey Dief. You in here on guard duty?" Ray asked, sparing a second to scratch the wolf behind the ear. Fraser looked up from the quilt that was spread in the patch of sunlight afforded by Ben's office window. The baby broke into a wide gaptoothed smile and gurgled with delight.

"Ah." Ray smiled and dropped down on his hands and knees. "And how's my boy, eh? How's my little Mountie? Hard at work helping Daddy and Dief guard Canadian soil?"

The murmur of a T V intruded on his happy mood and Ray glanced up at Ben's desk. The news conference which he was supposed to be attending was just coming on. The office door behind him burst open and Ben came rushing in.

Ben was halfway across the small space to the baby before he could stop himself. Surprise registered on his face when he saw Ray there. "Ray! You're supposed to be--"

"Constable," Inspector Thatcher called harshly from the open door. "You're supposed to be downstairs right now. The--"

"Go, Benny," Ray said as he made a shooing motion toward the door.

"But Ray--"

"Constable!"

This time Ray recognized a note of panic in the Dragon Lady's voice. Ray turned back to his son and began gathering his things up and stuffing them in his diaper bag. He glanced back at the door and met Ben's eyes for a second as the Mountie went reluctantly from the office.

Ray struggled to his feet and bent over to lift Fraser. Meg was suddenly there helping him, not letting go until she was sure Ray was balanced and had a firm hold on the baby. Fraser wrapped his little arms tightly around Ray's neck and leaned his head on his dad's shoulder. Ray wasn't sure if he sensed the weakness in him and did all that he could to make things easier or if Fraser simply cuddled more when he was carrying him than when Ben was carrying him. Regardless of the reason Ray was grateful.

"Thank you, Vecchio," Meg said softly, caressing the back of Fraser's head.

Ray saw the softening of Meg's features as she stroked his son's hair. It brought back memories of Meg helping him locate Fraser, and the arrangements they made together to bring the baby to Ben. He and Ben owed this woman a debt they could never repay with mere words or deeds. "Inspector," Ray whispered. "Thank you for all that you've done for my family."

A look of surprise flickered across the inspector's face. She stared wide-eyed at him. "I do believe I here sincerity in your voice, Vecchio." She stroked Fraser's hair again and laid a hand on Ray's shoulder.

"From the bottom of my heart, Meg." Ray nodded to the inspector and he and the wolf made their way to the Riv.

The day had been entirely too long, Benton Fraser thought as he climbed the stairs of 221 West Racine. He'd tried to find the time to call Ray during the day but never managed it. Negotiations hadn't gone well but none of that would reflect on Inspector Thatcher or her staff. Her review was going exceedingly well, Ben felt and he was heartened to see an actual smile on her face when he left the consulate.

An echo of that smile touched his face as he entered apartment 3 J. Ray and their son were lying on the floor on a quilt. Ray lay on his back, apparently fast asleep. Fraser crawled about, stacking blocks on the cop's stomach while Dief looked on from the middle of the unmade bed.

"Hello Fraser," Ben said in a hushed tone as he squatted down by the two humans. His son gave him a wet grin.

"Da," Fraser said and held his arms up to Ben.

Ben's breath caught in his throat. "Da? Did you say Da?" He dropped to his knees and peered at his son. "Da?"

"Da," Fraser said and gurgled, drool running down his chin.

"Wha?" Ray stirred, knocking blocks from his stomach. He tried to rise up on his left elbow but slipped back flat.

"Ray, he said Da!" Ben exclaimed. "Did you hear that?"

"Umm." Ray scrubbed at his eyes and peered up at Ben. "Um, yeah. He's said it a couple of times today." Ray rolled onto his left side and managed to sit up. He peered at Ben who seemed to be studying Fraser as if he were some new kind of life form. Ray chuckled. "You make quite a picture, you know."

"Well," Ben said as he rocked back onto his heels and regarded Ray, "I suppose I do. But it's quite a shock when he" and he stopped to point a long finger at the baby, then leaned forward and kissed his son's forehead, "finally decides to try to say the one word I've ever tried to teach him. After all you would think that if he could say Dief at six months and Auntie at seven then he should have been able to form the simple sound of Da well before nine months of age."

"Ah but Benny, you don't seem to realize we lack the charm of Auntie Frannie and Auntie Maria and we ain't got nice fur like Dief does. Well I take that back. One of us does have a pretty impressive pelt but it ain't white."

"Ray! Honestly. That's awfully picky of you."

"Oh now don't get in such a snit."

"I'm not," Ben argued as he rose and moved to the kitchen.

"Oh yes you are," Ray called from his spot on the floor. He began to help Fraser restack his blocks.

"I am not," Ben insisted as he began making supper. "Are you and Fraser in the mood for some stew?"

"Would it matter if I said, no?"

"Well actually, I suppose not. But I suppose take-out is out of the budget right now."

"It is until we get the consulate to finish the paperwork on Fraser's medical bills. Did I tell you they'll cover everything except the medication he received while in the hospital? And the office calls weren't covered either. But with the supplemental health insurance that I'm getting for him he'll be completely covered for anything in the future, which, by the way," Ray said, turning to his son, "you are not allowed to need. No more hospitals, remember?"

Fraser solemnly regarded his father then broke into a wet grin. "Da."

"That's right, kiddo. Every time I give you an order you better be sure you follow it. We won't have no problems, will we, pal?" Ray leaned over and kissed Fraser's wet cheek. "Baby drool. Never thought I'd be able to stand baby drool." He shot a look at the bed. "But don't let that give you any ideas, Dief. Doggie drool is way beyond my tolerance limit."

"I did mention that Francesca would be over this evening, didn't I?" Ben asked just as a knock sounded on the apartment door.

"Frannie? Hell Benny, the place is a mess!" Ray scrambled to his feet and shooed Dief of the bed. He ignored the repeated knock on the door as he hastily made the bed. He straightened the cushions on the couch, gathering an armful of newspaper as he moved from there to the kitchen.

"Come in, Francesca," Ben called as he stirred vegetables into a pot.

Ray growled at his lover's back and tugged his wrinkled shirt straight.

Francesca ignored her brother and Ben as she entered and made a straight line for the baby. "Ohh!" she squealed. "How's my big boy? How's my sweet baby? Ohh! You've grown so much! Come to Auntie Frannie you sweet baby! Ray, how lucky he is that he doesn't look a thing like you," she said as she scooped up the giggling baby.

Fraser drooled on her blouse and Frannie delivered kisses all over his round cheeks.

"Hey, watch the lipstick," Ray protested.

"Oh, he doesn't mind. Do you little Fraser? You don't mind Auntie Frannie's lipstick? Huh? Can you say . . . Auntie?" she prompted energetically.

Fraser laughed and gave her a wet kiss.

As the three adults sat around the dinner table relaxing after a meal of stew and cornbread Ben studied Ray's profile. He looked exhausted. The dark circles under his eyes made his skin look pale and Ben compared Ray's coloring to his sister's. Francesca was darker. Yes, Ray really did look as if he had lost color.

"How's work going?" Ray asked.

"Pretty good now. I'm on full time and between the work at the salon and sales from my network marketing stuff I'm making ends meet and saving some too."

"That's wonderful to hear, Francesca. I realize how hard it is to try to maintain a home when you can't afford the basics." Ben said as he began clearing the dishes.

Ray turned to Ben and regarded him with a quizical look.

"I'm sure a large house such as you live in must be quite expensive to maintain," the Mountie continued.

"Well, yeah. I never thought about it." Frannie leaned back and glanced from her brother to Ben. "I mean with all of us there the utility bills must be pretty high. I'd hate to be paying those . . . . by myself."

"I'm sure," Ben said. He fetched the tea kettle and cups and brought them to the table. Avoiding Ray's eyes he began pouring. "But with Tony working at the mechanic's shop and Maria's part time job I'm sure that you can manage quite well."

"Yes," Francesca said quietly. "We could." She took the offered cup of tea and reflexively returned Ben's pleasant smile.

"Benny," Ray began but was interrupted.

"I do hope you'll pardon me, Francesca, Ray, but I forgot that I promised Mr. Mustafi that I'd help him retrieve a box from the basement storage." He slid his chair back from the table. "I'll only be a moment or two. Dief," he called as he opened the apartment door. The wolf was through the opening in a flash.

Ray stared at his cup, unwilling to look up at his sister. He was keenly aware of the rumpled state of his clothing, the floor that needed polishing, the windows that needed scrubbing, and also aware of Frannie's nervousness. He looked across the room where Fraser lay fast asleep in his crib. Soon Fraser would outgrow that crib. He'd need a real bed. He'd need more clothing, good shoes, a bigger car seat.

And today Ray'd missed that damn press conference. His chances for that promotion had slipped away with the missed opportunity at gaining some visibility. It was easy to be overlooked when no one saw you. Politics. Ray hated the politics of the police force.

"Frannie, I've been having all the utility bills sent to my post box. And the house insurance, the taxes too."

"I didn't realize, Ray. I guess it just never occurred to me. And you've been paying the grocer too. The one Ma orders from. He's never sent a bill to the house."

"Yeah." Ray swallowed. "It wasn't much of a problem, what with Benny's and my salary. But it's kind of expensive, a baby."

"And you've been off work. That must have set you back some."

"Yeah," he said, finally managing to meet her eyes. "There were a few unexpected things."

"Even if there hadn't been unexpected things, Ray, we still should be paying our part. You have the bills sent to the house. We can pay them. And if not," she held up a hand to stop his forming protest, "we'll let you know. Sound fair?"

Ray thought about it for a moment then shook his head. "The utility bills, maybe. I'll keep paying the grocer."

"That leaves you with the taxes, insurance and the grocer? I don't think it'll be a problem for Tony to start paying the grocer. After all, he eats more than all the rest of us put together. And if he can't pay it?" she shrugged and grinned. "He doesn't eat!"

A smile broke slowly across Ray's face. Then he chuckled. Soon Frannie joined in and they were laughing as if she'd told an outrageously funny joke.

"Oh," Ray said between laughs, "Oh, I can't imagine anything that would motivate Tony more than food!"

"Yeah," Frannie agreed. "And wine. Don't forget wine. Maria's always ragging on him about how he has to have good wine with dinner. As if he'd know the difference if he didn't read the label." She started laughing again and that got Ray laughing again too.

A babbling nine month old baby is not exactly conducive to leisurely driving, Ray thought as he navigated through the five o'clock rush hour traffic. Diefenbaker paced impatiently from side to side across the back seat of the Riviera and Ray tried to spare a hand from driving to dig around in the middle of the front seat for Fraser's plastic keys.

"Keys! Keys!" Fraser insisted as he struggled with the shoulder straps on his new car seat. Once again he'd grown tired of banging them against the passenger window and had flung them down.

"Now listen here, young man, I'm trying to find your keys. If you'd stop throwing them down you wouldn't have to be without them." Ray was growing tired of the logical approach and was grateful when the traffic lightened up enough that he could afford to glance down at the seat. He spied the colorful oversized plastic keys and handed them across to his son.

"Da keys. Keys."

Ray's left eyebrow rose as he eyed the baby. "Yes Da's keys and Fraser's keys. And I'll keep mine," he explained, pointing at the keys dangling from the Riv's ignition, "and you'll keep yours. Right?"

"Right. Keys, keys, keys, keys." Fraser banged the plastic keys against his car seat.

'Fraser, say 'right, Daddy'."

"Right, Daddy, right, Daddy, right, Daddy."

Ray grinned proudly and tickled Fraser under the chin. He slowed as he turned onto Racine street. His usual parking spot was open and Dief was whining with impatience to be out of the car. Ray parked and unbuckled his son. He was reaching over Fraser to open the car door to let the wolf slip out when a body crashed against the passenger window.

Dief lunged at the window barking and growling fiercely. Fraser began to wail in terror as Ray froze half leaning over his son.

A dark figure slammed against the glass again and then was pulled away. A tall black man in a grease stained work shirt and jeans fell to the ground by the Riv as a burly white man kicked him in the leg. The black man rose and began punching the white man. They stumbled back against the Riv and Dief sprang over the back seat and wedged himself in the tiny space between the door and Fraser's now empty car seat. The baby was wrapped tightly in Ray's arms.

Neighbors gathered outside on the street at a distance to watch the vicious fight as it was waged in front of the apartment building at 221.

Constable Benton Fraser felt a spring in his stride as he rounded the corner onto West Racine street. He'd enjoyed the walk home and fully expected to arrive before Ray and Fraser. The shouts up ahead caught his attention and he broke into a run, threading his way through the gathering crowd to see two men battling fiercely between the Riv and his apartment building.

One man had a bloody knife drawn and was slashing wildly at the other. Ben stepped behind the armed assailant and felled him with a kick to the back of his knees. He danced back from the man's reach and kicked the knife from his grasp. He glanced up and saw Ray's blank face staring at the man on the ground. Fraser was struggling in Ray's embrace. Ben could hear Dief's snarls and vicious barks through the closed windows of the Riv. The wolf was frantic to get out. Ben followed the direction of Dief's glares and saw the other combatant still on his feet.

The man closed in for a half hearted attack but the Mountie stopped his forward momentum with a stiff armed block to the chest. The man crumpled, clutching his slashed side. Ben rolled the first man onto his stomach and securely bound him with his lanyard. Then he turned his attention to the man who was bleeding.

"Ray, have you called this in?" he shouted in the direction of the Riv as he applied pressure to the wound. Ray didn't move.

"Mr. Mustafi," Ben called to his neighbor. "Would you please summon an ambulance for this man and then notify Chicago police of the altercation?"

"Not necessary, Constable. Mrs. Gamez called the police when the fight started."

Ben cocked his head and listened to the sirens in the distance. They were indeed getting closer. "I see. Thank you kindly, Mrs. Gamez," he called up to the lady's window. She waved to him and closed her window.

A patrol car was first on the scene and Ben gratefully relinquished his position over the injured man to the officers. The ambulance arrived and Ben approached the Riv. Dief was still growling and he could now hear that Fraser was crying as he struggled in Ray's unyielding arms. Ben pulled on the passenger door handle and discovered it was locked.

"Ray?" He squatted down to peer in the window. Ray was staring at the paramedics as they worked on the knifed man. Ben moved so that he blocked Ray's sight of the scene but now Ray seemed to be staring straight through him. Fraser was pushing against Ray's iron grip while big tears rolled down his flushed round cheeks.

"Dief, be quiet," Ben said, fully aware that Diefenbaker would understand him through the closed glass. The wolf stopped his snarling and jumped into the back seat. "Ray. Ray, open the door," Ben said as he tapped on the glass. Ray didn't move.

Ben rose from his crouch by the Riv and hurried past the paramedics and the police officers. He was back in a few seconds with his spare keys to the Riviera. The knifed man was loaded into the ambulance and Ben approached the Riv as the emergency vehicles left the scene. The street was amazingly quiet now. He unlocked the passenger door and opened it. Dief whined at him but didn't move to leave the vehicle. Fraser had quieted and lay with his head on Ray's shoulder, an occasional hiccup from crying so hard escaping him.

"Ray? It's over now. It's okay. You can get out now."

Slowly Ray turned his head and regarded Ben as if he were a stranger. Ben reached for him, laying a hand on Ray's arm. "Lets go inside now."

Ray drew a deep, shuddering breath and softened his hold on the baby, He stroked Fraser's hair, smoothing the sweat-dampened black curls back from the boy's forehead. Fraser hiccuped and let out a final whimper. Ray laid his cheek on Fraser's head, never acknowledging Ben.

"Ray?" Ben studied his lover. Finally he stood and closed the passenger door. Ben walked around to the driver's side and unlocked that door. He leaned in the Riv and nudging and shifting got Ray to slide to his right. Because of the car seat that was buckled into the passenger side he couldn't move Ray all the way over. The detective sat in middle and Ben slid in beside him. After locking the door Ben took Fraser from Ray and buckled the now cooperative nine-month-old in his car seat.

Ben started the Riv and drove his family away from the neighborhood they'd experienced so much in.

Dark, cool and quiet surrounded him. Ray rolled onto his back and regarded the hotel room ceiling. To his left he heard Benny's even, deep breaths as the exhausted man slept. Up on the fifth floor they had no traffic noise from the Chicago streets to disturb them. The door to their room was double locked and Ray saw the glint of the chain fastened across it. Dief lay against the bottom of the door, his white ruff stirring with the breeze of the air current under the door. Ray's gaze drifted over to see Fraser curled up under a blanket in the crib the hotel bell-hop had wheeled in an hour after Benny had checked them in here.

Pressure squeezed his chest. Ray turned his head and calculated the distance from the bed to the bathroom door. He should be able to make that without stumbling, without making any noise that would rouse Benny. Once inside he could lock the door, turn on the exhaust fan or the shower. Either one would mask his noises. He struggled to rise silently. He had to get moving soon.

It was coming.

His chest heaved as Ray fought to remain silent. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and a small sob escaped his lips. He pressed his left hand over his mouth and used his right to push up from the bed. Faster, he had to move faster. Another sob squeezed his throat and Ray gasped, trying to swallow it. Behind him the bed sheet rustled and Ray lurched toward the bathroom. He caught his shoulder on the door frame and collapsed through it onto the cold tile floor.

Tears blinded him and his weakened left side betrayed him as he struggled to turn and close the door. Warm hands, gentle and firm enveloped his body and Benny lifted him, carrying him back to the bed. Breath fled from his body as the soft mattress gave under his and Benny's weight. Ray struggled to turn from his lover, to escape his sight as the great terror washed over him.

The dark pain filled his mind like a roaring windstorm and Ray was lost, buffeted by its whims, its disjointed shadowy visions of fists, clubs, and boots striking him. Ray cried out as sensations of each blow rolled over him. He struggled as tears of horror, helplessness and fear flowed from his eyes. He covered his face, curling into a tight ball, riding it out as best he could. The cycle would drag every sensation of horror from the depths of his mind, force him to relive the pain over again, stripping him of whatever reserve he'd managed to build over the last few days since the last time it had burned like wildfire through his body.

It brought all of the pain back, but none of the memories.

Every limb shook as mind numbing terror rocked through him and the cycle came closer to the point where he would lose consciousness. It didn't matter that he didn't remember receiving the injuries. He had scars, broken bones that told the story. The memories might never come but he would have the marks, what Benny told him and what the doctor's report said to help him make the connection to the beating he'd received.

A low rumble shook his eardrums and Ray clutched his hands over his head. The rumble came again and vaguely he recognized it as his own name. Calling him? Someone was calling him? Was it time to come home? No. He wouldn't come. They'd just have to go away. He was going to stay here, safe away from everything, everybody.

"Ray! Listen to me. We're safe here. We're all right. Listen to me, Ray."

The windstorm lulled and Ray felt as if he were falling. He reached out, grabbing for a safety hold and clung to it. Again that voice called to him but Ray felt himself slipping away from it, unable to make a connection.

"Ray. I've got you. You're all right. Everything is all right."

"Benny? God, Benny! They're all around us. We'll never make it out of the park. Fraser . . ."

"Fraser is fine, Ray. Fraser is here with us. He's safe."

Ray panted, trying to catch his breath but he felt too light headed. He knew he had to slow his breathing down or he'd never leave the dark place.

"Fraser-- Benny you gotta get him to safety."

"I did, Ray. I took Fraser and got him out of the park. You stayed behind to give us a chance to get away."

Ray worked his fingers into the material under his hands. He opened his eyes but everything was dark. He couldn't make out where he was.

"Fraser is just fine, Ray. You fought the thugs and gave me time to get him to safety. The baby is fine, Ray. It's over."

"Fraser is fine," Ray said weakly. "Fraser is fine." He loosened his hold on what he decided must be bed sheets and felt for Benny. "It's over."

"Ray, do you remember the attack? Do you remember what happened in the park?"

"Ungh," Ray grunted as he sat up and wiped tears from his face. Shadowy shapes coalesced around him and he began to make sense of their form. "Oh, the hotel. We're at the hotel."

"Yes." Ben said then kissed Ray's damp cheek. "You were having a nightmare." Ray chuckled and Ben felt chilled at the sound.

"I suppose you could call it that."

"What do you mean by that, Ray?" Ben flipped on the bedside lamp and flinched as Ray jerked away from him and the light. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

"That's just bright, is all." Ray wiped his sleeve over his face. "Wasn't expecting it."

"You were remembering the attack."

Ray glanced up sharply at the man. "Was I?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes." Ben ran an arm around Ray's shoulder, drawing him back to his side. "You were talking about it, when you were crying."

Ray ducked his head and tried to shrug off his lover's touch. "Could we not talk about this? I'm tired and I wanna get back to sleep."

"Certainly, Ray. We'll get back to sleep right after we talk about it."

Ray gaped at him. "Did you not hear me? I don't wanna--"

"Yes. I heard. You were remembering the attack."

"Benny I don't remember a damned thing about the attack."

"Where did it happen, Ray?"

"In the park." Ray eyed him with annoyance. "That much I know from the police report.

Ben seemed to consider this for a moment. "The time of day, I suppose you know that from the report too."

"Yes." Ray scooted back and leaned against the headboard and regarded Ben defensively.

"The first blow you took. Do you remember that?"

"Benny! I don't-- Oh!" Ray stopped, his hand covering his mouth as he stared in surprise at Ben. "I don't remember but I do. I mean, I don't remember the attack, the actual blows. But Benny, I do remember being attacked. I think what I mean is, I remember being hit. Over and over. Oh." He leaned forward, his arms wrapped protectively over his ribs.

If his lover pressed him for further information Ray was unaware of it. He slid down onto his side, curled away from the lamp and stayed as still as possible, ignoring everything around him. The windstorm of terror was over for now, having burned through him, leaving him exhausted and weak. A familiar warmth settled along his back, curled against him, molded around him, quiet, still and peaceful. Finally his thoughts slowed enough and Ray slept.

Room service in this hotel was economically speaking, not the best move for them at this point but Ben had ordered breakfast for them anyway. After the bell hop left the food Ray let Fraser down onto the carpeted floor and joined Ben at the table.

Ben poured cream into Ray's coffee and stirred it. "Eggs and bacon. I also ordered you a waffle. If we don't eat quickly we'll miss lunchtime," he said with a smile.

Ray took the offered coffee and glanced at the plate Ben uncovered. He turned and watched Fraser exploring the inside of his diaper bag. The baby began pulling out plastic rings, fresh diapers and diapering supplies.

"I was beaten. Pretty bad. I don't remember any faces, or even where in the park it happened, but I remember that I was beaten." Ray looked up into Ben's blue eyes. "It was pretty vicious, wasn't it Benny?"

Ben closed his eyes and swallowed as tears sparkled in his eyes. He nodded. "Yes, it was vicious, Ray. I almost lost you."

"Oh. It feels weird, being able to connect the injuries to something. Before, it was like I just woke up, and there were all these bruises, broken bones and stuff, you know? It's more real now. I guess." Ray sat the coffee down and turned his plate around to survey the eggs.

"I guess," Ben agreed as he reached out and laid his left hand on Ray's arm. "The memories, even though you don't have them, they've been haunting you?"

"I don't know. I just thought it was some kind of waking nightmare. It comes over me sometimes. Makes me cry. I hate crying, Benny." He kept his face lowered.

"You've hidden this from me?" Ben asked softly.

"I suppose I have. I don't think I really meant to. It's just that you have so much to deal with. You don't need me having some . . . I dunno, like a day-mare I guess, messing up your life."

"Ray. Please, in the future, never keep things like this from me. We have to learn to tell each other what is happening, what we need."

Ray looked up at his lover. Benny's blue eyes were dark, almost haunting in the intensity of their color. He reached out and traced a finger along the unshaven jaw. Benny closed his eyes and leaned into Ray's casual caress. After a moment Ray leaned back and turned his plate around again. He picked up a piece of toast and munched at it.

Ben ate his own breakfast, then the waffle he'd ordered for Ray. Ray finally pulled Fraser up into his lap and fed some of the eggs to him. Fraser threw two handfuls of them at Dief.

"Fraser, that is not the way to feed a wolf," Ben objected.

Ray watched silently as Fraser and Ben had a one-sided discussion on the proper feeding of lupines.

Darkness fell again over Chicago and Ray watched from the hotel room window as the city lights came on. Day, night, it didn't really matter. He listened to the soft noises of Ben rustling around, settling Fraser down to sleep.

Studying the street below him Ray suddenly realized he didn't even know what hotel they were in. Benny had led him in, seemingly straight to the elevator and into this room. Concentrating, he managed to recall stopping at the reception desk. Benny had filled out a guest card. Yes, Ray remembered that. And had shown his badge, explaining that Dief was with the two officers in an "official capacity". Ray almost smiled at the memory. He was surprised that on a weekend the hotel had a room available without a reservation.

"Come," Ben said as he tugged Ray away from the window.

The Mountie undressed him as he moved him to the bed. Ray stretched out and sighed. "Lucky you found a room. But this place must be expensive."

"It doesn't matter, Ray. We won't be here long.

Ray nodded. He let his gaze drift from Benny's even features to the blank ceiling.

"We're moving."

"Off the bed?" Ray asked.

"You've told me how much you need to move. I've ignored you. So why should you tell me about these day-mares? I would just ignore you more." Ben leaned over and kissed Ray lightly on his parted lips. "Tomorrow we start searching for a new apartment. We can stay here in the hotel until we find a new place. It shouldn't take long."

Ray drew in a deep breath and shuddered. Benny's arms came down, enfolding and lifting him into an embrace warm with love. He laid his head on Benny's chest and sighed as a few tears escaped his eyes.

"We can add this to our list of family policy," Ben said, a smile on his lips. "No hospitals, and we tell each other what we need. And when we do?"

Ray waited, finally growing impatient. He pushed away and looked into Ben's smiling eyes. "When we do . . . what?"

"We listen," Ben finished and kissed Ray.

"Well, you'll just have to get used to using the elevator," Ben chided Diefenbaker as the wolf followed the Mountie into the high rise building. Ben juggled his hold on the pasteboard boxes that held the last of their possessions from the West Racine apartment. "I can't seem to reach the elevator call button. I don't suppose you'd mind . . . " Ben glanced down at the wolf. "No, I guess you'd rather not . . . Then I suppose that leaves the stairs?"

Diefenbaker promptly dropped onto his haunches beside the elevator door and stared up at the Mountie. "Ah. Well if that's how it's to be," Ben said in a rather stressed tone as he sat the boxes down and pushed the button, "then you'll have to rely on Ray or myself to escort you out of the building every time you need to . . . " he paused and quirked an eyebrow up, "you know."

The elevator door opened and Ben stepped back, nodding his head to the two elderly women who exited the lift car. "Good day, ladies."

"Ah, Constable Benton Fraser, isn't it?" the first one off the car offered her hand to him. "You're our new neighbor on the tenth floor. My sister Camilla and I just met your little Fraser. What a charmer he is."

"And this must be Diefenbaker," Camilla said as she stroked the wolf's head. "Ben, your nice Ray said the wolf likes donuts, I don't have a donut, Diefenbaker." Camilla continued, seeming to jump from speaking to the Mountie to the wolf without drawing a breath. She extracting a small package from her voluminous straw purse, "but I do have a cookie. Here you go!" she exclaimed as she offered the wolf the treat.

"Ah, sweets aren't exactly--"

"Sunday lunch at our apartment, Ben. Now don't you and Ray get so busy settling in that you forget to come over. We'll eat out on the balcony."

"Sunday lunch? I won't forget, ma'am."

"And Diefenbaker, we'll have a nice bowl of chicken for you. Wolves need lots of meat, don't they, Carinna?"

"Certainly, Camilla. Now we're off for our morning constitutional through Grant park. Ray said that Diefenbaker might like to accompany us?" She looked up at the tall Mountie.

"Ah--"

Dief rose and strolled regally to the glass doors of the apartment building. Ben could see the well groomed park across the street. He shrugged, smiled at the ladies as they moved off after the waiting wolf, then retrieved his boxes and slipped in the elevator as the doors were closing. The button for the tenth floor was just at elbow height and he managed it easily.

As the doors opened on the tenth floor Ray stood in the hall, his arms crossed, his legs planted wide and a big grin on his face.

"My big strong moving man. Here with your final delivery, mister? I suppose you'll be expecting to get a little payment?"

"Ray, I just met two of our neighbors. Dief went to the park with them." Ben joined Ray in the hall.

"Listen Mr. Moving Man, you're gonna have ta be real quiet when you bring those boxes in," Ray explained as he held open the apartment door, "cause my kid's asleep in his room.

"Oh," Ben said as he looked at the closed door to the smaller of the spacious apartment's two bedrooms. He smiled at Ray, then set the boxes in the unfurnished living room. The only furniture in the apartment was Fraser's crib and changing table, a dining table and chairs and the queen size mattress set in the master bedroom that sat on the floor by Ben's foot locker and camping supplies.

They'd decided to bring only the newer things with them, giving the other odd bits of furniture to their old neighbors in the West Racine apartment building. Whatever they decided on buying for their new home would be purchased a piece at a time. That suited Ray just fine and in fact a couch and chair would be delivered tomorrow afternoon. Elaine had promised to be at the apartment to accept the delivery.

"I checked us out of the hotel. The suitcases are down in the Rivierra."

"Then we're really at home," Ray said softly as Ben took him in a warm embrace.

"Yes. And Mr. Vecchio, I'd like my payment now, if you don't mind," Ben said with a smile as he slid his hands down around Ray's firm, small ass.

"Pretty fresh for a delivery guy, aren't you?" Ray asked, pressing his groin against Ben's. "You wanna come into the bedroom and see what kind of payment I got for you?"

With a groan of desire Ben closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Ray tugged him along then pushed him down on the bed. "Maybe we should forget about buying a new frame. This is gonna squeak a lot less on the floor."

"Oh I was rather looking forward to bed shopping, Ray. I have been considering different techniques to try on the beds to see if they squeak. For instance--"

Ray dropped roughly down on his lover, knocking most of his air out. "Shut up and start screwing, Delivery Man. We got about an hour before the kid wakes up from his morning nap."

"That's another thing I wanted to ask, Ray. Why is Fraser taking a morning nap? He outgrew that a long time ago."

"Excitement of moving, I guess. But why look such a gift horse in the mouth, Benny? We got a little extra time to ourselves and you wanna question it?"

"Sorry, Ray." Ben smiled broadly and rolled Ray underneath him. He kissed that long, elegant neck, making Ray as breathless as he felt himself. He glanced at the closed door, realizing that on the other side of it was an apartment door that was locked, and inside here was their son, safe and sleeping in another room. When Fraser woke up they'd have the luxury of winding their activities to a satisfying conclusion before they tended to the baby.

"And I can go to the bathroom completely naked," Ben said.

"What?" Ray pulled away and gaped at Ben. "You gonna start talking about the bathroom--"

Ben grabbed Ray and covered his mouth with his own. He tugged Ray's shirt open, running his fingers through chest hair, across hard nipples, down a flat stomach. Second's later Ray was completely undressed and Ben had his own pants down around his knees. He knelt between Ray's legs, poised to enter him but he paused long enough to lean over and nuzzle Ray's belly, feeling the hairs tickle his nose.

Ray wrapped his arms around Benny's head, holding him, feeling the Canadian's mouth on him as Benny tasted him. Always tasting everything . . . "Ah, Benny. Love you."

"Love you too, Ray. Love you." Ben slid up until him mouth was at Ray's neck, his hard cock nestled against Ray's erection. "What can I do to please you right now?"

"What do I want?" Ray asked thoughtfully. "Mmm. Just a little gentle loving, I think. A little sweet gentle loving."

Ben did his best to fulfill that wish. He moved in a languid pumping rhythm, their cocks sliding, bumping together until Ray reached down and encircled them to increase the contact. Ben worked a little faster, always keeping his mouth gentle on Ray's neck, face and chest as he felt himself nearing orgasm.

Ray lay almost passive beneath him but Ben could feel the heat of Ray's excitement, could feel him hard and hot, ready for more. The detective's movements grew more frantic, more needy. Then Ray arched up off the bed his mouth wide as he gasped with each thrust.

"Ben-- Benny, oh god. Benny. Oh, lover."

Ben thrust his hips in a fast rhythm against Ray and listened to Ray's breathing speed up to match his own. Ah, in harmony, in synchronization, Ben pushed into Ray's hand, spilling his seed on Ray who moaned in appreciation. He kept moving, hoping, hoping Ray would come too.

"That's all right, Benny. It's all right," Ray said as he pushed at Ben, urging him to stop moving.

Ben sagged on his lover, defeated.

"It'll come back. Just give it time, lover. I've just been a little tense lately. I just need some more time."

"Oh, Ray. You shouldn't be the one reassuring me. I should be reassuring you, taking care of you, making sure you are resting, eating properly."

Ray chuckled. "You are. I'm resting. I've done nothing for the past week except sleep and eat in that hotel room."

"And hunt for an apartment, shop for furniture, unpack every single box I've brought over here. And don't forget caring for Fraser."

"He's my joy, Benny. You know that. Nothing relaxes or calms me more than caring for our boy." Ray smiled as the man nuzzled against his neck. "It's easier here, Benny."

"What is?" Ben slid off of Ray and stretched out beside him on the mattress. He used his shirt to wipe Ray's groin, causing his lover to chuckle.

"You gonna explain that stain to the cleaners?"

"Our new apartment building has laundry facilities in the basement, Ray. I plan on washing this along with a few other things tonight-- Oh, you're mocking me."

Ray laughed long and hard. He rolled onto his side as Ben began kissing the tears from his eyes. "Cut it out. Cut it out. You're gonna make me start laughing again."

"Good." Ben kissed his lover's tightly closed eyes until Ray surrendered and offered his mouth to be kissed. He pressed his lips to Ray, feeling the response, the easing of the man next to him. "Love you, Ray. Now tell me what you meant by it being easier here."

"Everything. My day. Laundry, taking care of Fraser. Getting to work is a snap from here. And the consulate is within walking distance. We can meet at home for lunch sometimes."

"Oh, I hadn't thought of a lunch time rendezvous." Ben sat up and smiled at Ray.

"Oh, Benny!" Ray chuckled again. "I meant eating. We could eat together here."

"Oh," Ben said, sounding extremely disappointed.

"You're so touchy."

"I am not." Ben turned away.

"Yes you are," Ray insisted, and playfully punched Benny in the ribs.

"Ray! Don't start. We need to get ready for those interviews of the prospective Nannys the agency is sending by."

"That's not 'till tomorrow," Ray informed him, adding a tickle to his next punch.

Ben whirled on him, pressing the cop flat to the mattress and biting at his stomach.

"What is this fascination you have with my stomach? Stop!" Ray protested.

Ben moved his lips lower through dark curly hair, searching and finding Ray's penis. He sucked the entire thing in his mouth and began to tongue it. Ray gasped and arched up. Ben pushed him flat and felt Ray grow in his mouth. He puled his lips to the end of Ray's soft shaft, sucking and tonguing as he went. He teethed Ray's head and the detective groaned loudly as he hardened. Ben was instantly thankful that they didn't need to control the level of their lovemaking noises. He'd never heard Ray be so vocal before. He was amazed at what he'd missed. The loud groaning sounds Ray was making brought a flush to Ben's groin.

As Ray tugged at his hair Ben worked his lips back down Ray's erect and hot shaft. He managed to get a hand between Ray's thighs and began massaging his balls and the sensitive skin back toward his asshole. He touched a fingertip to the opening.

"Benny!" Ray shrieked. Then the detective sat up, his legs spreading wide as he pushed Ben's head down on his groin. He began to thrust up into his lover's mouth, frantic with passion. "Oh, Benny!" he yelled. His body jerked as he came in a great gush, filling Ben's mouth, emptying himself down Ben's throat in waves of white passion.

Ray lay close to the soft edge of sleep, spread eagle and naked on the mattress. He could hear the distant soft rumble of Benny's voice and Fraser's high squeals of delight. He raised his head enough to see that the bedroom door was closed. Then he was grateful for his privacy as he recognized the voices of Camilla and Carinna, back from their walk with Dief. He rolled onto his side and noticed that Benny had laid his clothes along the edge of the mattress. The Mountie's clothing was no where in sight. That must mean he'd had time to get completely dressed before the elderly sisters arrived.

Ray smiled and rolled back flat. He stayed where he was, enjoying the sunlight spilling in from the open balcony door, the soft mattress beneath him, and the security of his new home. He felt good. This place felt good. And lord Benny had felt good earlier. Completely at peace now, Ray smiled and closed his eyes.

The End

And Elaine and I plot on and on. I want to hear from you. What did you think of this story? How did it impact you? What was the thing that struck you as the most sad? The most loving? Write me at mitch_h@hotmail.com

Muchos gracias to Elaine Walker and Del who provided me with invaluable feedback, and proofreading on this story. Any errors remaining are solely mine and I take great pride in claiming them.

Disclaimer: due South, the characters and all that "stuff" belong to Alliance. This story was written purely as a fan tribute and not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended.