A Matter of Acceptance "Boromir, I need to speak with you. Walk with me," I asked and began walking
so we'd be out of hearing range. I turned around and saw him debate briefly with
himself about whether he should follow me or not. My heart began to beat wildly
in my chest at his insecurity. What if I had been wrong? What if he didn't want
me? Then, after what seemed like hours, he walked to me. Barely able to contain
my relief, we walked along the shore in silence.
"What did you wish to discuss?" Boromir asked as we rounded a corner, so we
could be sure that we would not be seen or heard by the others.
"The future," I admitted and damned my nervousness. Either he felt the same
or he didn't. This was not a battle I could win or lose; things were the way
they were.
"Gondor's future?" he asked, a hint of something in his voice I couldn't
quite figure out.
"No. Yours and mine," I said as I turned from my observation of the lake to
face him. His surprise was evident but I couldn't tell if it was a good thing or
not.
"What do you mean?" he asked and I could detect a hint of suspicion in his
words. The moment of truth, all may rise or fall on a single word.
"I think you know but I will tell you. Since we met, since we departed
Rivendell..." I wasn't sure how to say it and my eyes fell to the ground. How to
find words for the depth of a feeling I couldn't even put words on in my mind?
"Yes?" Boromir pressed and I'm sure I heard mild amusement in his voice. I
lifted my head to look into his eyes and saw the same flame of amusement dance
there. I couldn't keep from smiling.
"You are not going to make this easy for me, are you?" I asked, laughter in
my voice.
"No, I wasn't planning on it," he replied, a gleam in his eye.
"Then I will say it as it is. Boromir, Lord of Gondor... I love you."
There, it was said, it was out. I half expected him to laugh at me but the
look of joy quickly followed by pain I saw in his eyes, was something I wasn't
prepared for.
"No. You cannot love me," he denied and turned his back at me, facing the
lake.
"Why not? I cannot control what I feel," I laid my hands on his shoulders but
he shielded away from me and I withdrew my hands. What was he doing? I had seen
the joy in his eyes, it was there.
"Then I must control it for both of us," he whispered pained, still not
facing me.
"Why?" I asked puzzled.
"What of Arwen? Is she not your betrothed? Do you not love her?" he asked
softly.
Was this why he shielded away from me? To protect Arwen's honor?
"I do love her," I saw how he stiffened by my words and I smiled. He did
care. "I'll always love her but not like you think. She's a friend, a sister, a
confidant and yes, once she was more but not anymore. Not anymore," again I
tried to reach for him but he stepped to the side and my arms fell away empty.
"She won't understand."
Did he love Arwen? The thought suddenly seemed very real... or was he
stalling, finding excuses?
"She will. She's an Elf. When our journey is over I'll speak with her, I'll
explain. I'll give her back her necklace, her immortality and her vow," I
explained. I'll always carry her with me in my heart but though men live so much
shorter a time than Elves, even they can love more than one person in their
life. Finally he turned around and I saw tears in his eyes. Happy tears, I
hoped.
"You would do this... for me?" he asked softly. I smiled warmly.
"I'll do anything for you," I vowed. My words seemed to scare him for he
turned away from me again. No matter what I said it seemed to be the wrong
thing.
"Don't say that," he whispered.
"Why not? It is the truth, after all," I asked puzzled. "Why do you fear me?"
"I don't fear you. I fear no one," he denied.
"Then face me and explain to me why you turn away for I'm all at sea," I
asked, knowing he never could say no to a challenge and as I knew he would, he
turned around and faced me. "What is wrong?" I repeated, more gently this time.
His eyes fell to the ground and a becoming blush colored his cheeks. I've never
seen him blush before. Whatever he was to say must be quite embarrassing.
"I love you," he whispered softly and I smiled happily though my smile soon
froze.
"Why so sad about that? I said that I love you too and I mean what I say," I
asked puzzled. Why would his feelings for me bring him such embarrassment? His
eyes were still lowered, not meeting mine. This was so unlike him. Then he
lifted his head and looked at me and I saw such raw emotion in his face it
almost made me cry.
"Have you lived so long among Elves that you have forgotten the customs...
and taboos of our people?" he asked pained. Our people he had said... wait a
minute... taboos?
"What do you mean?"
"This. Us," with his hand he indicated him and me. I frowned. What was so
wrong with... Suddenly I understood.
"You mean because we're both men. Our love will not be understood in Gondor,"
I finally realized. I had been away for too long for me to forget this. It was
unheard of, uncommon and forbidden. Among Elves it was common over the centuries
to take a partner of the same sex, they did not have the taboos of men and
didn't understand them.
"Yes," Boromir nodded, making a movement with his hands to say there was
nothing to do.
"I shall revoke the law when I'm King," I said simply though I knew it'll be
harder than that. I may be able to force our relationship to be legal but I
couldn't force people to understand and accept it. I looked at Boromir. Maybe he
was right; maybe we shouldn't even try this. Maybe we should walk away while we
still could for I knew when first I've held him in my arms, I wouldn't ever let
him leave. As King, as Isildur's heir, my 'mistake' would be overlooked but
Boromir would be a man out of place, no one knowing what to call him, where to
put him... he'll have it hardest. And all this was assuming we won this battle
we had still to fight.
"It's that easy?" Boromir asked, laughter in his voice. That smile of his...
it was going to be my doom.
"It can be. Boromir, I stand by my word. I love you and if we want to we can
make this work. Answer me now and tell me clearly, for I ask for life; will you
trust me with your body, soul, and heart, as I'll let you guard mine?" I asked
softly and held my breath for his answer could break or heal my heart.
He looked at me, his conflicting emotions; love, honor, duty, and need all
mixed into one made his eyes look like a storm were underway. The seconds seemed
to go by so slowly that I was beginning to fear someone had turned off time to
make me suffer until, finally, he moved. I reached out a hand for him and I
smiled as he took it in his. He kneeled before me as a knight before his King,
his eyes looking up and straight through me as he lifted my hand and kissed it.
"I love you, my King. I'll be with you for as long as you wish," he promised
and I knew what hard battle his heart had had to fight against upbringing and
religion until these words could come. I kneeled down and took both his hands in
mine.
"I wish forever," I whispered softly and kissed his brow. "You're all I ever
wanted."
"As you are to me. I see your light now, your reason. The Ring has no power
over me for I see it brings nothing but false hope. You, my King, bring true
hope to me... and to Gondor," Boromir said and I saw love in his eyes but more
importantly; I saw peace. Peace of mind and peace of soul. I smiled and let him
draw me into a kiss. The quest was forgotten for a while as Boromir let himself
fall back into the sand, taking me with him. Never have I felt such joy and
happiness as I felt when he put his arms around me and let me hold him close. No
barriers, no secrets... no pride. Just the two of us. Just love... just freedom.
The End
by Nadja Lee
he boats are being
prepared; the others are still saying their farewells to Lothlórien and its
inhabitants, leaving Boromir and me alone on the shore. The journey we are to
travel will be a hard one; I have only this chance to say what is in my heart.
My eyes catch Boromir's and for once I don't see the sadness or the despair that
have been in his eyes since we left Rivendell. I see a fire in his eyes, the
reflection of my own.
