A Matter of the Heart It was so much easier before. Before tonight. I didn't know anything about
him and I preferred it like that. My desire was easier fought back when I could
tell myself the only beautiful thing about him were his body. Then tonight I saw
his soul. Vulnerable, tears in his eyes, he told me all about his fears and
doubts and I realized that not only could I understand but I could relate to
him.
The question is; what shall I do now? Since we started out from Rivendell I
have feared he might try and take the Ring. Before tonight the thought gave me
the strength to fight my desire with hate and despise for a man who was too weak
to resist the Ring. But tonight I've heard his reasons, I've seen his soul and
against my will I find his reasons understandable and his soul... his soul
tempts me, teases me, and threatens to draw me into his embrace.
When I saw him earlier, looking so lost, sad, and broken I wanted nothing
more than to take him in my arms and hold him tight but I know I must not. I
cannot. I have a decision to make tonight. Is he my enemy, my friend... or can
he be my lover? My head warns me that he will be an enemy, my honor bids me to
accept him as a friend, and my heart... my heart wants him by my side forever.
What shall I do? A soldier would kill the enemy, a good King would never
judge only on 'maybes', and a lover... would never harm his beloved. I'm so
confused. If only something could be easy for once. Suddenly I wish I wasn't
Isildur's heir and he the son of the Steward of Gondor. I wish we were nothing
but common men for then the love I feel for him and that I see returned in his
eyes... that love could actually be.
I look over and see Boromir lying a little away from me, asleep as are all
the others. He looks so peaceful in sleep; his fair hair falls over his face and
for once his face doesn't speak of burdens heavier than the stones that lie
around me. He looks so young in sleep, so valuable.
I can't keep a smile from spreading over my lips. How could I ever dream of
harming this man? The answer is simple; I can't. What I admit now to myself goes
against all I have learned and all I was taught to believe in but it's true none
the less... I'd rather see all of Middle Earth fall into Shadows than see him
harmed in any way. If that makes me a bad King and an even worse soldier, then
so be it for I can't go against my heart.
I stand up and with the experience my years with the Elves have given me I
walk silently to his side and kneel down. Ever so softly I let a hand rest on
his head. His hair feels softer than grass in spring. I bend down and kiss his
forehead as lightly as butterfly wings. A small smile spreads over his lips as
if he has sensed me, but he doesn't open his eyes.
"Rest easy, Boromir, Lord of Gondor. I shall watch over you and I swear for
as long as I live, no harm shall ever come to you," I whisper softly and with my
life or death I'll keep this vow, as I'll honor my vow to Frodo.
Having found some sense of peace with my decision and my admission of the
feelings I've bore inside since we left Rivendell, I walk a few paces away from
him and fetch my blanket to lie close by his side.
Later that night I awake by a strong light that quickly fades. Where it came
from is impossible to say. I turn to look if Boromir is safe and see that
sometime during the night his right hand has moved to hold mine. I look at our
hands and with a smile on my lips and in my heart I close my hand over his and
hold on tight, vowing never to let go again.
Continued in A Matter of
Acceptance
by Nadja Lee
e hates me. No, it's
not true. I don't think he ever hated me, not even when we first met in
Rivendell. He seemed angry, confused maybe... but I saw no hate in his eyes. His
eyes were alight but it wasn't from the fire of hate, it was from the fire of
desire. I should know for my eyes reflected the same desire back. He tried to
hide his desire in his distance and arrogance as I did in my silence and
leadership. Yet, like two pieces of a whole we were still drawn together.
