"Hey, have you ever tried, really reaching out for the otherside?
I may be climbing on rainbows, but baby here goes...
Dreams are there for those who sleep, life is for us to keep.
And if you're wondering what this song is leading to...
I'd want to make it with you."
--Bread, "Make It With You"
PART ONE
1979, Bay City
Starsky was dying.
His best friend and partner was dying. As Ken Hutchinson ran through the hospital corridors to get to his friend's hospital room, he kept repeating over and over again in his mind, "Starsky can't be dying, Starsky can't be dying!" No matter what Captain Dobey had said on the phone, Hutch refused to believe that his partner of seven years was dying. Starsky was too young to die. This couldn't be happening. Hutch had to see for himself, only then would he accept the inevitable.
Starsky had been shot only a couple of days ago and the doctors had warned Hutch that he had a very slim chance of surviving the gunshot wounds. Still, Starsky had clung onto life by a thread, which gave Hutch hope that he would pull through. Starsky was a fighter, he would make it. Feeling totally useless sitting around the hospital, Hutch instead had instead gone after the men who had shot his partner. Bringing them to justice and eliminating them as a future threat had become Hutch's main goal since the shooting. But with one phone call from Dobey, Gunther was forgotten and all Hutch could think was he couldn't lose Starsky. If Starsky died, then Gunther had won. As Hutch burst through the hospital doors, he saw the scene he feared most...doctors working furiously on Starsky to try and revive his flatlining heart.
"No, fight it, Starsk, fight it!" yelled Hutch as he tried to get to Starsky's bedside. Please, don't leave me, his heart screamed.
One of the doctors working on Starsky spotted Hutch trying to push his way through the doctors and nurses. "Detective Hutchinson, get out of the way. We can't do our jobs if you're in the way!"
But, Hutch stood his ground, his eyes never leaving Starsky's face. Come on, babe...you can beat this. Come on! Don't leave me alone, Starsk. Mentally willing Starsky to live. Suddenly, a faint sound came from the heart monitors...
Four months later...
"Hey, how did your physical therapy go?" asked Hutch as Starsky entered his apartment in Venice Place. Shutting the door behind him and throwing his gym bag to the floor, Starsky walked over to where Hutch was sitting on the make-shift sofa and smiled at his partner, not answering the question. "Well, you gonna stand there all day smilin' or you gonna tell me?" Hutch prompted.
"Fine. Gina says I am almost fully recovered. Only a couple of more weeks and I should be back to 100% normal," relief evident in his voice.
"Since when you ever been normal?" retorted Hutch.
"Pot. Kettle." Starsky shot back. Sitting down next to Hutch on the sofa, Starsky lay back and put his feet up on Hutch's coffee-table, knowing his partner hated that, just to annoy the other man.
"Did Gina say when you'd be able to come back to work? I mean, I'm kind of getting sick of doing all the paperwork by myself, buddy" lamented Hutch, kicking Starsky's feet off the coffee-table.
"She says I might be able to come back by the end of the month to light duty. Then, there is just the Police Review Board to worry about. They have to clear me to regular duty." The physical therapist had worked him hard for the past few months, pushing him to his limits on most days. But Starsky had never faltered, wanting so much to get back to the force and be Hutch's partner again.
"Good, I'm getting tired of desk duty and Dobey won't let me on the street until you come back."
Starsky smiled in response. "Ah, stop your moaning, Hutch. Before you know it we'll be back chasing dope dealers, rapists, and the other scum of the earth."
"Yeah, that we will, pal," Hutch replied, silently thanking whatever God had allowed Starsky to live so they could be partners again. If Starsky had died, Hutch wasn't so sure he could have stayed in the department. There would have been too many memories to deal with and without Starsky there to back him up, his heart wouldn't have been in the job anymore. But, there was no use in dwelling over that. Starsky wasn't going anywhere, he was getting better everyday and before long they'd be chasing the bad guys down just like old times. Yeah, just like old times, he thought. Except deep down Hutch knew things would never be the same again. Starsky's near-death experience had changed them both. It has caused Hutch to rethink his life; what he wanted, who he loved. It had changed him in such a profound manner that he wasn't even sure if he could explain it to himself just yet.
Trying to shake off the gloomy thoughts, Hutch stood up from the sofa. "Feeling hungry? 'Cause I fixed a pot roast for dinner."
"You read my mind, buddy. Let's eat."
Hutch grinned at Starsky's reply. Well, at least the shooting hadn't caused him to lose his appetite. Some things never changed. Hutch helped his partner up from the sofa and together they walked into the kitchen.
* * * * * * *
Later that night...
Hutch looked at his sleeping partner lying next to him in bed. After dinner, Starsky had been exhausted from the physical therapy and the good food, so he had decided to crash at Hutch's. This was nothing new for him as in the four months since Starsky's shooting, they had basically been inseparable. Many a night he had crashed at Starsky's place and vice versa, especially right after Starsky had left the hospital. Hutch didn't mind the intrusion or Starsky hogging the covers. Just thinking how close he had come to losing him made Hutch grateful for every minute they spent together now.
Starsky stirred in his sleep, inching closer to the warm body next to him. His lean arm moved across Hutch's chest until they were practically entwined around one another.
Hutch smiled at Starsky's move; obviously his partner thought he was in bed with some beautiful woman. Gina maybe? Hutch knew that Starsky had taken the woman out for dinner these past four months she had been his physical therapist. Starsky's lines and moves with women were legendary around the precinct and Hutch had seen them all during the seven years they had been partners.
Starsky started murmuring in his sleep, still lost in his dream, "Yes, feels so good." Obviously that was some dream, thought Hutch as Starsky continued to toss and turn in his sleep while whispering to his dream lover, "Love you. Don't stop."
"Love...oh, just like that. Yeah, just like that...Hutch."
That brought Hutch out of his thoughtful state. Starsky was moaning his name? His partner was having an erotic dream about him? No, he must have heard wrong. That wasn't possible...Starsky was his buddy, his best friend...Starsky wasn't attracted to men. No, he would have been the first to know. Starsky loved women too much.
Suddenly Starsky shot up in the bed awake. "Where? What?" Still half asleep, he looked around the room before seeming to realize he was at Hutch's house, sleeping in Hutch's bed.
Hutch stared at Starsky, a revealing expression on his face. He was sure it looked confusing to Starsky, it was mixture of surprise, fear and longing.
"Hey, sorry, Hutch. Did I wake you up? It must be that pot roast coming back to haunt me. Didn't mean to disturb you, pal."
"I wasn't asleep," Hutch admitted. "That must have been some dream, the way you were moaning."
Starsky looked like he was trying to cover his embarrassment with a grin, "Yeah, that Gina got's some moves even I've never seen before."
"Gina?" Hutch asked. "Well, if she's too much of a woman for you, Starsk, you can always give her my number."
"No, she'd wear you out in a week, old man. You couldn't keep up," Starsky countered.
"We'd see about that. Now quit your moaning and let me get some sleep or I'm gonna toss your ass out of here!" Hutch rolled over in the bed so his back was to Starsky.
* * * * * * *
Hutch was on fire.
Every bone in his body ached and he wanted, no, needed a fix. But soon that hunger was replaced by another. A beautiful mouth was giving him the most intense pleasure of his life. That mouth going down on him was saving him, replacing the craving, the need for the heroin. As long as that inventive mouth kept pleasuring him, Hutch could resist the pull of the smack. The need for heroin was forgotten and only the pleasure mattered now. On and on and on it went. Night after night...the dream was always the same, that mouth and two beautiful, blue eyes filled with love...
Hutch was the first to wake up. As usual, during the middle of the night Starsky had hogged all the covers and was sprawled out in the middle of Hutch's big bed, snoring peacefully. Hutch just smiled at the sight. For now, he'd let Starsky sleep. Pulling his body off the comfortable bed, Hutch got up and walked the short distance from the bedroom to his bathroom. His erection tented his white briefs as he entered the bathroom to relieve himself. Nearly every morning for the past couple of months, he had woken up with a raging hard-on from the same dream. He couldn't get the vision out of his head and it was becoming frustrating in more ways than one, he wryly thought to himself.
Flushing the toilet, he went over to the shower and turned on the water. A nice cold shower would do the trick. Yeah, a cold shower and a date with a beautiful woman. Since Starsky's shooting, Hutch's social life had been non-existent. He had been too busy helping in Starsky's recovery. Probably why his body was reacting this way. Damn it, he needed to get laid! Stepping into the shower, he grabbed the soap and started to lather up his body. Still thinking about his recurring dream, as he washed his body, he wondered why it was the same night after night. His mind, still drowsy from his restless sleep, refused to give him the answer. The cold spray was slowly waking him up and cooling down his highly charged body. As he finished washing himself, he heard Starsky stirring in the other room. His partner was definitely not a morning person and made enough noise to wake the dead. Smiling to himself, Hutch could image what would happen next. Starsky would stumble out of bed, cursing all the way. And then, after bumping into some of Hutch's furniture, would limp into the bathroom to answer the call of nature. As if on cue, Hutch heard the bathroom door open and his partner stomped into the small room. Still muttering a string of curses under his breath, Starsky lifted the toilet lid and sighed as he emptied his full bladder.
Sticking his head out from behind the shower curtain, Hutch looked out at Starsky and grinned. "Good morning, Starsk. How are we feeling this fine morning?"
Starsky mumbled something unintelligible and continued on with his morning ritual. "What was that, pal?" Hutch replied, knowing he was tormenting the other man with his happy chatter.
"I said, shut up. Good morning, my fucking ass. Can't a guy pee in peace around here?" And with that comment, Starsky finished his business and adjusted himself into his briefs, and stalked out of the bathroom. Hutch just sighed in amusement. Until Starsky had his first cup of coffee, he would be about as pleasant as a bear with a thorn in his paw. With his thoughts now focused on his partner, Hutch realized that Starsky and he had been virtually inseparable since the shooting. Between Hutch crashing at Starsky's house and Starsky staying at his place, they rarely had five minutes apart in the past four months. What they both needed was a night out. Maybe they'd both get lucky and then those damn dreams would stop haunting him. He'd mention it to Starsky this morning, well after he had his coffee, and then they'd look up some names in Hutch's little black book. Turning off the water, Hutch grabbed the towel from the edge of the tub and started drying himself off. Yes, that was exactly what they both needed, a night out on the town with two beautiful, willing women.
Later, dressed for work, Hutch walked into the kitchen and saw that Starsky had already brewed the coffee. He was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of the hot brew.
"In a better mood, now that you have your fix?" Hutch commented to his partner as he walked closer to the kitchen table. Starsky just grimaced at the comment and continued to slowly sip from the mug, not answering.
"Seen the morning paper, Starsk?" Starsky shook his head in response. So, Hutch turned and walked out of the kitchen to the front door and unlocked and opened it. Bending down, he picked up the paper lying on his doorstep. Taking the paper, Hutch returned to the kitchen and threw the it on the table. "Feelin' human yet, buddy?"
Starsky grumbled some unintelligible comment and continued sipping the coffee as if it was his lifeline. Hutch smiled in return and opened the morning paper to read the sports section. About five minutes later, deep into the article about the Clippers and their chances of a winning season this year, Hutch heard Starsky get up from the kitchen table and pour himself another cup of coffee.
"So, what we doin' this morning, partner?"
"Feeling talkative now are we, Starsk? Well, I don't know what you're doing, you lazy bum, but I have to go to work. Dobey wants the Rogers' case on his desk this morning, all typed and ready to go to the D.A."
" Need any help with that paperwork?"
"Nah, you know Dobey have my ass if he sees you at the precinct. Just relax around here, take a shower, chill out. Better enjoy your life of leisure now, because as soon as Gina gives the okay, you'll be back out on the streets and wishing you could have had more time off," Hutch joked. Looking at the clock on the kitchen wall, Hutch jumped up from the table, "Shit, I'm going be late! See you after your therapy, tonight?"
"Nope, got a hot date with a certain physical therapist. Maybe another night?"
"Okay," yelled Hutch as he raced for the door, grabbing his leather coat on the way out. The door slammed and Starsky was alone in the apartment.
* * * * * * *
Later that night...
As a warm mouth covered Hutch's tumultuous erection, the blond struggled to wake from his dazed state and touch the person who was giving him the most intense pleasure of his life. It had never been this good before, never so profound. Hutch had never been a selfish lover, so he tried to pull himself out of the deep fog he was in and return the favor for his lover, but he quickly lost that thought when that lovely mouth sucked harder. He just kept his eyes closed and went with the sensation. Next time, he thought. Getting up enough strength, Hutch raised his limp arms from the bed and threaded them through his lover's hair. Gently with his hands, Hutch moved the head to the rhythm he liked the best. The warm mouth responded to the silent request. Shocking shivers of pure energy blasted through Hutch's brain and he raised his hips, bucking with hot pleasure. This movement caused even more of Hutch's length to slip inside his lover's mouth. Hands grabbed Hutch's hips and held them as the mouth stroked and teased Hutch into a fever pitch.
Tingles of pure sensation traveled down Hutch's body and he thought he would pass out from the pleasure. Hutch shivered in delight, as the mouth continued to pull and lick the base of his penis. And then that mouth took all of him into its warm enclosure and Hutch cried out, the sensation so great that he couldn't hold back any longer. He came frantically, arching up more into that mouth, as wave after wave of release overtook him...
Gasping for breath, Hutch sat up in his bed and look around for his lover. The bed covers were thrown about, but as he squinted his eyes to adjust to the dim light inside his bedroom, he knew he was alone. It was only then that he realized he'd been dreaming again. Damn, another dream. Pushing his hand beneath the covers and his briefs, Hutch touched his half-erect penis and found it wet to his touch. God, he hadn't come in his underwear since he was a kid. Lying back down, Hutch's breathing slowed as his body was brought back under control from the powerful climax.
Suddenly a loud crash brought him out of his reverie. Someone was in his apartment. Pulling open his nightstand drawer, Hutch reached for his gun and crept quietly towards the sound in the living room. A shadowy figure was moving around the couch. Hutch pointed the gun towards the figure and his finger slowly curled around the trigger as he yelled, "Freeze!"
"Ah...shit...donna shoot, it's me," a familiar voice slurred back.
"Starsky? STARSKY? Are you fucking crazy? I almost blew your head off."
But before Hutch could say any more, Starsky moved towards him, promptly tripping over his own two feet and fell face forward on Hutch's floor. "Oops!"
Hutch quickly moved over to where Starsky had fallen and knelt down beside his partner. "You okay?"
"Never better, bu-ddy," said the still prone Starsky.
"Yeah, right. That's why you're lying face down on my carpet...and you smell like a brewery. Must have been some date." Hutch put his gun on the coffee-table and attempted to pull his partner into an upright position. "Come on, you got to help me here."
"I'm just gonna sleep here," came the slurred reply. "Be o-kay."
"You're not sleeping on my floor, you idiot. Now, get up and help me get you into bed."
That idea seemed to wake Starsky out of his drunken stupor. "Bed? 'Kay." He rolled to his side and stood up, albeit shakily, with Hutch's help. Leaning heavily against Hutch's side, Starsky slowly made it to the bed, quickly collapsing on top of it.
Hutch quickly started to remove his partner's clothing, shoes first and then his socks. "You're going to have to help me here, buddy...roll over...we have to get your jeans and shirt off."
Starsky complied and rolled over, moaning, "Ah, God, the room's spinning...make it stop spinning, Hutch."
"It's not my fault the room's spinning, you big lug. Come on, you'll feel better out of these clothes." Hutch moved his hands over to Starsky's shirt and started unbuttoning it. "Pull your arms out of the sleeves...that's it."
With Starsky's shirt out of the way, Hutch moved to the jeans. This was going to be fun, getting him out of these, thought Hutch sarcastically. His hands quickly unbuttoned the snap above the fly and then pulled the zipper down. Peeling the jeans down his partner's legs was a task in itself and Hutch breathed a sigh of relief when the skin-tight denims finally were down far enough so that he could remove them.
Tossing the offending garment across the room, Hutch leaned up toward Starsky's still prone body and said, "Come on...get under the covers."
"Will...when the room stops moving."
"That isn't going to happen for awhile," Hutch snickered. "Get under the covers...now!"
Starsky half-heartedly moved his legs under the sheet and pulled it up to cover his body. "Happy?"
"I will be when I'm back sleeping, you moron." Hutch moved to his side of the bed and crawled in next to his intoxicated partner. "Night, Stark. Don't forget where the bathroom is - if you gotta puke."
"Yeah...yeah."
Hutch sighed in response and closed his eyes hoping that he could return to the dream that Starsky had so rudely interrupted with his late night appearance. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get those images out of his head.
Maybe he didn't want to.
* * * * * * *
Hutch came home to an empty apartment. Putting his key back above the ledge of his door, Hutch shut the door behind him and had started to remove his holster and gun when the phone rang, halting his progress.
"Hutchinson."
A tentative female voice replied, "Is Dave there?"
"No, I'm sorry, Dave's not here. May I ask whose calling?"
"Um...Gina."
"Hi Gina," Hutch's voice softened. "Did you try his house?"
"Yes, first place I tried. He's not answering...so I thought he might be with you."
"No, he told me he had a date with you after his therapy today. He's probably just running late. If I hear from him, I'll tell him you called, okay?"
"Thanks, Goodnight."
"'Night," and with that Hutch hung up the phone.
Hutch sat down on the couch and pondered where his partner could be. It wasn't like Starsky to miss out on a date with a beautiful woman. No sense in worrying. Starsky's just running late. Still the thought that something had happened to Starsky stayed in his mind. After Gunther's attack...no telling what could happen. He picked up the phone again and dialed his partner's number. The phone rang and rang at Starsky's house, but no one picked up. Yeah, he was probably just late. Probably at Gina's right now. Putting the receiver back in its cradle, Hutch stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen. He'd fix dinner first and then worry about his errant partner. He'd show up sooner or later.
After cleaning up his meal of salad and a veggie burger, Hutch once again went to the phone and dialed Starsky's number. Still no answer. Maybe he was at The Pits. He could try there and see if Huggy had seen Starsky.
"The Pits, Annie speaking."
"Annie, hi, it's Hutch. Is Huggy around?"
"No, Hutch, he's out. Whatcha need?"
"Nothing important. Hey, have you seen Starsky around there tonight?"
"No, haven't seen him in here since last night when he...well, when he..." the ever tactful Annie stammered.
Hutch interrupted laughingly, "You mean, when he tied one on?"
"Yeah. Sorry. If I see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him. Is it important?"
"Nah, no big deal. Thanks, Annie. Bye," Hutch replied before hanging up the phone.
Feeling slightly stupid for calling around about his partner, Hutch decided to forget about Starsky and just go to bed and read. That might take his mind off of Starsky's whereabouts. In all likelihood, he's probably trying to talk Gina into bed right about now and wouldn't appreciate being interrupted, Hutch thought. He's fine. Starsky would say he was acting worse than his mother back in New York. With that thought, Hutch left the living room and went into his bedroom to get ready for bed.
Later that night, as Hutch stirred in his sleep, the dreams came again.
* * * * * * *
Hutch woke to a pounding noise. He rolled over in bed and tried to ignore it, but it just got louder and louder. It wouldn't go away. Damn whoever was pounding on his front door. This is Saturday! My day off. "Go away! Nobody's home!" Hutch yelled.
They didn't listen. The pounding continued. Muttering nasty comments about the offending person's mother and ethnic background, Hutch got out of his warm bed, pulled on his orange robe, and stalked to the front door. Yanking it open, he yelled, "What?"
The petite brunette standing on his doorstep jumped back at Hutch's growl. Then, looking him up and down and obviously finding him lacking in some way, she moved closer and thrust some things into Hutch's arms. With a distasteful look at Hutch, she turned and walked away.
Hutch looked quickly at the bundle in his arms. Clothes, men's clothes. What? Who is this woman? He had never seen her before in his life.
Dropping the clothes to the floor, Hutch went after the brunette. He caught up to her right before she started down the steps. Grabbing her arm he asked, "Miss? Can I help you?"
She turned back to face Hutch. Deep brown eyes met blue. Looking pointedly at Hutch's hand on her arm, the woman replied, "Do you mind?"
Great, I don't even know her and she's mad at me. My luck with women doesn't change! Hutch sighed and removed his hand.
"Look, I'm sorry. We started out on the wrong foot. My name's Ken. Can I help you with something?" Hutch inquired with a little-boy pleading quality to his voice.
The lady wasn't buying it. "Look, Ken," she said the name like an epithet, "I was just dropping off some of Dave's clothes that he left at my place. Just see that he gets them, okay?"
Seeing his usual Hutchinson charm wasn't going to work with this lady, Hutch tried a more practical approach. He came straight to the point, "Hey, I'm sorry...Gina, is it?" The brunette nodded. This wasn't the person he had spoken to briefly on the phone, was it?
He continued, "Dave isn't here. If you guys have had some kind of fight...maybe you should just cool off and talk about it with him later."
Gina practically snorted with disgust, "Gimme a break. Make up? With that liar? Tell him to never call me again. And I'll reschedule his remaining physical therapy with another therapist."
Starsky must have screwed up big time to make her this mad.
Hutch smiled at Gina and hoped it would help defuse the situation. It didn't. "Are you sure you don't want Starsky to call you...maybe you can work this out? I know he really likes you..." Hutch didn't have a chance to finish the sentence as Gina blew up at that comment.
"Likes me? What is this, some weird game you two play? Hey, this may be the 70's, but I don't swing that way. My mother certainly didn't raise me like that." And the look she gave Hutch could have frozen the Polar Ice caps.
That blew it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. The lady was pissed and Hutch was tired of trying to be nice, so in a voice that he usually reserved for busting the most hardened criminals, he replied, "Look, Dave's not here. I don't know what you're talking about, but maybe you should be telling him this instead of me."
Gina retorted, "No need to act stupid...Ken. We're both adults here. I know what's going on between you and Dave. No need to hide it."
God, not this crap again. First, the guys at the station, now her? Couldn't two guys be close friends without anybody thinking they were queer?
"Gina, I'm sorry, if you're mad at Star...Dave, but I assure you there is nothing going on between us. Absolutely nothing." Then, as he planned to go into his usual "were partners" and "best friends" speech that he reserved for just these occasions, Gina went ballistic.
Getting up close enough to Hutch, so that he could smell her perfume, Gina let loose. "Right, nothing's going on. Tell that to some other fool. The night before last he needs to get drunk to be with me, leaves right after to come here! So, if he likes me so much, why'd he yell your name instead of mine when we were in bed?"
Hutch just stared at the woman. No, Starsky couldn't have. It had to be a mistake. But, there was no denying that Gina was mad as a hell about this, so there had to be some truth in it. Hutch was perplexed.
Gina's tirade didn't stop there. "Look, I'm as hip as the next girl. But, if Dave and you got something going on, I just don't want any part of it. I'm not into threesomes or gay men. So, give Dave back his stuff and tell him to leave me alone. I don't want to be some guy's cover." And with that, Gina started down the steps and out of Venice Place. Hutch let her go. What else was there to say? Starsky was going to have a reasonable explanation for this. Hutch laughed to himself. Starsky hot for his form? The lady must have heard wrong. Walking back to his front door, Hutch bent down and picked up Starsky's clothes before going into the apartment and closing the door.
PART TWO
"Is there someone you know
You're loving them so, but taking them all for granted.
Then they lose them one day, someone takes them away
and they don't hear the words you long to say."
"And I would give anything I own.
Give up my life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own just have you back again.
Just to touch you once again."
--Bread, "Everything I Own."
Women! Hutch sometimes wondered if they were worth the trouble. After Gina left, Hutch decided not to let it ruin his weekend off and climbed back into bed for some much needed sleep. Between trying to keep up with his and Starsky's paperwork, caseloads, court appearances, and helping Starsky with his recovery, Hutch was worn out when he got home at night. He need a vacation, a week's sleep and hopefully, no more of Starsky's women banging on his door.
Slipping back into bed, that was Hutch's last thought before drifting off to a much needed oblivion.
* * * * * * *
Hot, he was hot. Pain, pain was everywhere. Jeanie? Where are you, Jeanie? Help me!
No more, no more. Then, lips brushed across his, soothingly. Words were spoken, but he couldn't hear them. The pain was too much. Please, make it stop! PLEASE...
Then it did. It stopped. All Hutch felt was pleasure. Pure pleasure. Yes, that feels good. Keep doing that, baby. The mouth working its magic on his cock felt incredible, like no sensation before. Tingles of hot sensations worked their way up his body, blocking out the need for the drug replacing it with a different mind-numbing feeling.
Lovingly, he grabbed the hair of his lover, so he could pull that talented mouth up for a kiss. Hutch looked into another pair of blue eyes, filled with love, except these blue eyes didn't belong to Jeanie...they belonged to Starsky.
Hutch shot up out of his bed, startled by the realness of his latest dream. Finally, the phantom in his dreams had a face. Not the face he had been expecting, but a face he knew and loved anyway. This wasn't just some dream-induced suggestion left over by Gina's visit. It had been too real. Too vivid.
What the hell was going on?
* * * * * * *
A few hours later, after Hutch had a very late breakfast, read the morning's paper, and watered his plants, he decided to call Starsky and find out exactly where his errant partner had been. Certainly not with Gina, if her visit was any indication.
Picking up the phone, Hutch started to dial Starsky's number when someone knocked on the door, yelling, "Hey, hey...open up, Blondie!"
Before Hutch could walk over and open the door, Starsky pushed it open and sauntered inside the apartment.
"You know, Hutch, you really should find another place to keep your key. I think every bad guy in town knows where it's at." Fingering the key in his left hand, Starsky threw it at his partner. "Catch."
Hutch caught the small object and smiled at Starsky's antics. He's such a clown sometimes. "Hey, I was just trying to call you. Where you been? I've been looking for you since last night." Hutch returned the phone to its cradle.
"Who are you, my mother? Nah, last time I looked she was back in New York. I was out...with a beautiful lady. Not that it's any of your business, buddy boy. But, you wouldn't know about that, huh, Hutch? I haven't seen you out with someone of the opposite sex...in what? Months? Years?" Starsky smiled, obviously pleased with his attempt at humor at Hutch's expense. He kicked the door closed with his foot and moved over to the couch, closer to Hutch.
"Cute, partner. I was looking for you...no, actually, a very, unhappy brunette was looking for you. Did you stand up Gina last night for someone else? 'Cause she called here looking for you. Can't keep them straight, huh?"
"Gina called here? What she say?" Starsky sat down on the couch with a big flop and looked up at Hutch's face, grinning slightly like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Not much, just wanted to know if you were here. I said no. That's it, didn't blow your cover if you were out with another lady. Said you were probably running late. But, um, after the visit I got from her this morning, Starsk...I say standing her up is the least of your problems with her!" Hutch walked away from Starsky and into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. "Want a root beer?"
No response came from behind him and Hutch jumped when Starsky tapped him on the shoulder. "Geez, just scare the life out of me, why don't ya?"
Hutch grinned at his partner expecting a witty comeback, but his partner didn't reply. And something inside told him that the playful mood Starsky had been in earlier was gone now. Starsky had a look on his face...it was strangely serious considering the lighthearted nature of their banter just a few minutes earlier.
"Gina was here?"
"Yeah, she dropped by a couple of your things...literally. Guess you're in the doghouse with her."
"What did she say to you?" Starsky fired back, ignoring Hutch's attempt at humor.
Something was definitely wrong here. Starsky was way too serious. He's made dates with two different women in one night and never was phased by it. What was up? Maybe Gina meant more to him then I thought. Poor guy.
"Hey, buddy, I'm sure you can make it up to her. Just sweet talk her," Hutch placed a comforting hand on Starsky's shoulder. "Use that famous Starsky charm. She'll be begging you to come back, right?" No reply came from his partner, so Hutch continued. "Hey man, I didn't know you liked her that much."
Starsky snorted, "Yeah, I thought I did. Look, she didn't upset ya did she? I mean she was pretty pissed off at me... and I don't want her taking it out on you."
"Hey, what do ya take me for? Think I can't handle a woman on the warpath? No, it was no big deal. She dropped off some of your shit, made a few insane comments and said and I quote, "Tell Dave never to call me again." After everything we've been through, I think I can handle one mad woman." Hutch laughed at the memory of Gina's visit. "Yeah, I definitely think you are going to have to do some serious groveling there to get back in that lady's good graces, buddy. She's no push-over. Whatever you did really ticked her off!"
Starsky smiled at Hutch's words. "Hey, is my stuff still wearable or should I trash it?"
"I think it's fine, but you might want to wash it first. She wasn't particular where she threw it."
"Yeah, Gina's got some temper. Italian, you know." As if that explained everything, Starsky seemed to be saying.
"Hey, can we take this into the living room? I think I'm done cooling off the kitchen," he said, closing the forgotten refrigerator door. Both men walked into the small living room and sat down on the well-worn couch.
"Yeah, well when you make up, be sure and set her straight about us, okay!"
"Us?" That came out in a near squeak as Starsky's blue eyes widened with something akin to fear.
"Yeah, us. Seems Gina thinks we're more than partners, buddy," Hutch said with a slight smile.
"Why would she think that, Hutch?" Starsky posed very quietly.
Hutch looked at his best friend and saw something that worried him, a subdued David Starsky. Something wasn't right. Starsky was too quiet. Was he embarrassed by Gina's suspicions? Jeez, it wasn't like they hadn't heard this a thousand times before...and they had always brushed it off and laughed about it.
"Hey, babe, don't worry about it. It's not like other women we've dated haven't thought that before. She's obviously a little jealous of our relationship...and jumped to her own conclusions. I mean what she said was ridiculous..."
Starsky interrupted, "Let's drop it. I'll talk to her later. Ok?"
Hutch looked into his partner's face, but Starsky glanced away. Something wasn't right. Starsky seemed nervous, like he wanted to avoid the subject altogether. Like maybe because he knew exactly what Gina had told him...
Suddenly, Hutch realized the reason why Starsky didn't want to talk about it anymore. Suddenly, all pieces of the puzzle fell into place and everything became clear. And I'm supposed to be a detective, for God's sake...No, but, it couldn't be true. Starsky calling out his name in bed? No, this had to be an episode of The Twilight Zone. His partner? Starsky? The guy who couldn't accept that Johnny Blaine had been gay? Calling out his name?
It was unthinkable...it was...the truth.
"My God, it is true." Hutch waited for Starsky's reply, for him to look at him and deny it. But, Starsky just kept glancing away, his face getting pale.
"You're not even going to try and deny it?" Hutch asked his silent partner.
Finally, Starsky lifted his head and looked directly at Hutch. "Deny what?"
"Deny what Gina told me...that you...you..." Hutch stammered out the rest, "that you screamed my name out while you two were in bed." There, he said it.
"She said that!?"
"Yes." Hutch proceeded to grab Starsky's arm, "It's true, isn't it?"
Starsky shrugged off Hutch's hand. "Let's just drop it, okay?" There was a pleading tone to his voice. But Hutch pressed forward, something driving him, something deep in his subconscious was pushing him...pushing to get to the truth.
"You expect me to drop this? What's going on here, Starsk? Are we in some parallel universe and suddenly the man who I thought was my best friend has disappeared? 'Cause last time I looked...the thought of two men being together...well, let's just say it didn't appeal to you. John Blaine ring any bells? But, something changed your mind and now suddenly you're hot for my form? I'm not buying this. I want to know what's going on here."
"No, you don't, Hutch. Believe me, you don't. Let's just forget about this. Forget it ever happened and never speak about it again. Please." Blue eyes held another pair of blue eyes for a moment, until Hutch snapped.
"Forget about it? What are you crazy? How do you think I could forget about this? When did this happen? Is it something new?" Starsky shook his head. Hutch sighed in absolute bewilderment, his whole world suddenly turned upside down. "How long?"
"I dunno. About the time Forest's goons kidnapped you. When I thought you were dead, when I was helping you kick the smack at Huggy's. I dunno, maybe before that, at the Academy."
"My God, that's over four years, maybe more." Hutch leaned forward and put his face in his hands. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing. Suddenly, his former totally straight-gays-ain't-normal partner was telling him he wanted him. Him. I mean not that I hadn't ever thought about Starsky in that way, I'm only human after all, but Starsky...no. How could I have been so blind for all these years?
"Since Forest, uh? Were you ever planning on letting me in on this secret?"
Black curls moved back and forth, signaling a negative response.
"Great. Anything you'd like to tell me? Like maybe you've got a boyfriend somewhere? You hang out at the Green Parrot?" Hutch knew his words would hurt, but he couldn't help himself, hating the fact Starsky had been keeping a secret from him, wanting to punish the other man for his omission.
Starsky was pulled out of his funk for that; his head snapping up, obviously hurt at Hutch's comments, flinging back a reply, "No, I don't hang out at the Parrot. I've never had a boyfriend, unless you count some teenage experimentation with a childhood friend back in New York. The only man I've ever been with is you. I love you."
Hutch's mouth dropped open, "Me? What do you mean by that?"
Starsky moved away from Hutch on the couch. "What I meant was... the only man I've ever wanted to be with is you."
But from Starsky's body language, he knew his friend was lying. After so many years together, working together, playing together, backing each other up on the street; Hutch knew when his partner was lying. Well, almost. But, this time he was certain.
Oh my God, the dreams. The dreams. It made sense now. As if a floodgate had opened up, the visions came crashing back. Being at Huggy's. Starsky helping him kick the smack. Thinking he had been making love to Jeanie. No, it had been Starsky all along.
Those lips kissing him, loving him. It had been Starsky's lips, it had been Starsky who had given him that incredible blow-job. It had been Starsky who had made him come. It was Starsky who haunted his dreams.
"Oh my God...it was you."
* * * * * * *
Hutch stared at his friend, feelings some many emotions raging through his body: betrayal, pain, fear, curiosity, but mostly disbelief.
Anger finally won out, "What nothing to say, Starsk? You going to try and ignore this again? Or are you going to try and explain? Shit, how can you explain? You took advantage of me...my God...all this time..." He didn't finish.
Suddenly, Hutch jumped up from the couch, "Is this what you want?" Hutch grabbed his crotch, thrusting it forward towards Starsky . "Wanted it so bad that you'd take it while I was out of it? When I was so strung out on the heroin...that...that... I couldn't decide for myself? Some love you have for me, Starsk!"
"It wasn't like that. Please, you've got to listen to me." Starsky grabbed for Hutch's arm and the blond pulled away.
Blue eyes met blue and Starsky pleaded with his partner. "I loved you, still love you, and you needed something...the hunger, the pain, you were in so much pain, Hutch. I just wanted to make it go away for you, to help you through it. To help you kick it. To make you forget what Ben Forest and his buddies had done to you. Then, you grabbed me and kissed me and I lost it. I thought you wanted me too. Shit, I only wanted to comfort you, to make the pain go away. I would never, ever hurt you. God, you're my best friend in the whole world." Starsky's voice cracked with that statement, tears welled up in the indigo depths. Hutch saw the pain in Starsky's face, the regret.
Starsky continued, "I should have known that you wouldn't have wanted me that way. That you thought it was Jeanie you were kissing...that the heroin had you so messed up, you didn't know what you were doing or who you were with. But I've loved you for so long -- I hoped -- I dreamed that maybe you wanted me too."
Starsky turned away from his partner and his body shaking. He pulled himself together and continued, "Look, I'll understand if after today you never want to see me again, if you ask Dobey for another partner. But know this, I love you and if I could go back and change that night I wouldn't because it was the most wonderful night of my life. For a minute, I thought you felt the same way about me and it was heaven."
Turning, he faced Hutch squarely and looked into those blue eyes. "I thought you were dead when Forest kidnapped you. When I found you...you were so strung out on the smack. God, Hutch, do you know what it was like for me to see you that way? I'd rather die then have you go through that horror again. I just wanted to love you."
Hutch sighed at Starsky's words, knowing the pain he must have gone through after his kidnapping. He had felt the same when he thought Starsky might die from Gunther's assassins. Deep down in his soul, he knew that Starsky wouldn't have made love to him unless he thought Hutch wanted it too. His heart knew that, but it would just take his mind a little bit longer to grasp the concept.
His anger cooling a bit, Hutch decided to speak, to express his feelings to his hurting partner. So, carefully, he choose his next words, knowing it would forever affect their relationship in the future -- if they had a future together.
"I know what you did for me, Starsk. How you helped me kick the heroin. I love you for that, babe. I'm not mad at you for what happened that night -- maybe subconsciously I did want you that night. Maybe I did kiss you and think it was Jeanie, I don't know. Maybe I knew it was you all along and just blocked it out. I don't know, I'm confused, I don't remember much of that night."
"Hutch..." Starsky started to speak, but Hutch interrupted.
"No, let me finish. This is important. Whatever happened that night, even if I did kiss you...you should have stopped it there. I should have been coherent enough to make that decision about our relationship...to move it to the next level when I was lucid. Not strung out on smack. You took that away from me and you've been lying to me all these years about what happened. About how you felt about me. That's what I'm really mad about. You took that decision away from me -- from us -- for me to decide if I wanted you like that. You decided. Not me. You. We've always been straight with one another and for one of the most important decisions in our lives, you left me out. And I don't know if I can forgive you for that."
Starsky slowly swallowed and asked quietly, "Are we going to be able to work through this? Or do you want to call it quits right now?"
Hutch considered the question and replied, "I can't give you an answer this minute. I need some time to think about what's happened. We need some time apart, so I can think. I'm going to ask Dobey for a couple of days off and go away, maybe see if his cabin is available. When I get back, we'll talk, okay?"
A black curly head nodded in agreement. Seeing that Starsky was deep in thought, Hutch touched Starsky's arm, needing the contact and to get the smaller man's attention. The night had been emotionally exhausting for the both of them, but he needed his space now. He couldn't handle an emotional Starsky right now, not when his own feelings were in such a turmoil. "Starsk, I need to be alone now, okay? I need to think. I'll call you when I get back, okay?"
Starsky nodded and moved his own hand over to cover's Hutch's. Gripping his partner's fingers he said, "Yeah, I understand. But remember this when you're thinking. I love you. I've always loved you and that's not going away. No more lies, no more pretending. I promise. No matter what you decide, Hutch, remember I love you and I'll respect whatever decision you make about us."
Starsky let go of the blond's hand and moved towards the door. Suddenly, he turned back and without thinking grabbed Hutch and pulled into his arms and hugged him hard.
"But, neither one of us is strung out right now. So, remember this when you're up there..." and with that pulled the taller man's head down to his own and kissed Hutch.
Starsky's mouth moved fiercely over Hutch's as if trying to impart all his feelings into this one kiss. All the love he felt for the man in his arms. He took the taller man's mouth in a desperate, greedy kiss, touching his tongue to those full lips. Moving over them as if to imprint them in his memory forever. Hutch could feel the desperation in the embrace.
A small moan came from Hutch's throat. He knew he should be pushing Starsky away, that this is exactly what they didn't need right now. This would only confuse things. But, his treacherous body wasn't listening. It wanted Starsky to continue kissing him, but, it was just too much for his mind to take.
Hutch pushed Starsky away. Breathing heavily, a slight erection in his pants, Hutch look at the slightly dazed man in his arms and said, "Go, just go...please."
Still holding Hutch's glaze, Starsky slowly backed up and stepped closer to the door. Finally he broke eye contact and turned and left.
Hutch watched his best friend, partner and lover of one glorious night leave and felt his heart ache. He didn't know if their friendship would survive this duplicity.
PART THREE
"You sheltered me from harm, keep me warm, keep me warm.
You gave my life to me. Set me free. Set me free.
The finest years I ever knew, where all the years I had with you...
You taught me how to love. What it's of. What it's of.
You never said too much but still you showed the way and
I knew from watching you.
Nobody else could ever know, the part of me that can't let go.
--Bread, "Everything I Own"
Hutch surveyed the Dobey cabin. After two days of fishing, the woods and his own thoughts, he longed for the relative chaos of Bay City. The cabin had changed little since the last time Hutch had been in it. After the run in Starsky and he had with the Satanists on their last vacation.
Starsky.
Haven't been able to get him out of my head since I came up here. Everything reminds me of him. This cabin. I was going to teach you to fish and you were going to learn to love the great outdoors...it would have been fun except those crazy Satanists messed it up. What's new, we never can seem to get a break. Criminals seem to follow us everywhere.
Starsky. What am I going to do about us? Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing at all. Starsky. Gina. Ben Forest. Everything seems muddled together. And the dreams...they hadn't stopped, only this time Hutch knew exactly who was making love to him. The answers to his problems weren't coming easily. Deciding he needed some fresh air to clear his head, Hutch put on his coat and walked out the door towards the relative calm of the lake.
* * * * * * *
Three days later, Hutch was no closer to figuring out the mess his life had become. Starsky's in love with me. In love. God. How do I deal with that?
Hutch had always considered himself a pretty liberal guy, modern. He had been very blasé about John Blaine and his lifestyle, more so than Starsky when they had found out the cop had been in the closet. But, I guess when it comes down to it, the reality of loving another guy up close and personal, I'm more Midwestern than I thought. Can I love Starsky like that? Can I make love to Starsky like that? Or do we just try and put this behind us and forget the last week had ever happened?
Hutch still didn't have those answers. Maybe he never would.
* * * * * * * *
Hutch stirred restlessly in his sleep. He was dreaming about being back in the hospital after Starsky had been shot. Sleeping at Starsky's side, not sure if his partner would live or die. Images of the years they had spent together flickered through his head. Starsky's poisoning, Gillian's death, the pain of Terry's death, being trapped under his car waiting to die, yet Starsky finding him in time. The plague that could have killed them both, Vanessa's murder and Kira's betrayal. Being on the beach and throwing away their badges and the horrible month that followed when they had tried to find other jobs. And lastly being at Huggy's and Starsky holding him through his withdrawal from the heroin that Forest's cronies had gotten him addicted to. But, through it all, through all the death and horror, pain and joy; they had been there for each other. Me and thee. It was their motto, their creed, their commitment to each other. He didn't think he could go on if Starsky died. Didn't want to.
In his dream, the heart monitors beeped. Starsky hung on by a thread. But, suddenly the beeping stopped. Bells went off. Doctors and nurses rushed in. They pushed Hutch out of the way and began to work on Starsky. Seconds, minutes or hours later, Hutch didn't know but the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Detective Hutchinson, but he's gone."
Hutch refused to believe them. He moved to the bed and pulled Starsky into his arms. His partner and friend was cold, not moving. "Come on, babe. Come back to me."
There was no reply. He began to shake the dark haired man, "Come on, Stark, wake up!"
Still nothing. "Starsky, please...you can't leave me. Don't leave me. Come on, fight it."
The doctors tried to pull Hutch away from his dead friend, but Hutch wouldn't let go.
Starsky was dead, Starsky was dead. No, it can't be true. You can't die, I never told you I loved you...
"No!" Hutch yelled, sitting up in bed. Still in shock from his unsetting dream, but sweating profusely, Hutch pushed the hair that had fallen in his face out of the way. He breathed in and out slowly, trying to get his clamoring heart rate under control. The dream had been so real. Nothing like the phantom lover dreams I'd been suffering from before. No, it felt like I was in the hospital room with Starsky watching him die and not being able to anything about it. I can't go through this again, I can't watch Starsky nearly die.
Too many times, way too close calls. I can't lose him again...
Suddenly, as if someone had switched on a light inside of his head, Hutch's decision about their partnership came into crystal clarity.
* * * * * * *
Continuing to bang on the door, Hutch could hear movement inside, then suddenly the door opened. And from the moment Hutch saw Starsky in the entryway, he knew the decision he had come to at the cabin was the right one. Everything seemed so clear to him now. Why did it take me so long to realize?
"You coming in?" the brunet man asked tentatively, as if afraid that speaking would somehow frighten his partner away.
Hutch didn't answer, his voice suddenly lost to him. He just walked into Starsky's living room and waited for his friend to shut the door and come closer to him.
"Hey, Hutch, you okay? You don't look so good...want a beer or something?"
Suddenly all the emotions he had been suppressing on his long drive back to Bay City from the Dobey cabin came flooding back and he couldn't stand it any longer. Usually a man of words and less action, Hutch knew it was now or never. He had to act now or lose his nerve.
Without warning, Hutch grabbed his partner and pulled his into his arms. Placing Starsky's face between his two hands, he looked at the face he had loved for so long as a friend. It was the same face he had known for years. The same blue eyes, the same nose, lips. But it was also the same face that he had denied his feelings for, the face that he had pushed away almost a week ago, never admitting the simple truth, even to himself.
I love him.
It like such a miracle to be able to admit it. Surprise and confusion was reflected in the indigo blue eyes and Hutch was lost.He needed...he needed...no, he wanted this man so much. He couldn't wait any longer. This was their second chance after Starsky nearly died and Hutch wasn't about to let it slip by him.
Slowly, as if in a dream, Hutch lowered his head and captured Starsky's mouth. Nothing he had ever experienced before could compare with the feelings that were coursing through his body from just kissing his partner. Desire. Lust. But, mostly an all-encompassing feeling of love. This was where he was suppose to be; in Starsky's arms, loving him. All the pieces of the puzzle that had eluded Hutch in all his previous relationships suddenly fell into place. He was finally home. No woman, no other human being could ever make him feel this way. He had found his other half. His soul mate. His subconscious mind, in his dreams, had been trying to tell him that for months, but Hutch hadn't been listening. Now he was. It had his undivided attention now.
Moving his lips over his partners and continuing the motion, Hutch then moved his hands from Starsky's face up and into his curly hair. Grabbing hold of a handful of silky hair, Hutch was able to angle his friend's face to a better angle and deepened the kiss.
Maybe the physical attraction had been there from the beginning, burning just beneath the surface of their close friendship, but the moment their mouths fused together, it was like the Fourth of July. Sensations coursed through Hutch's body, every part of him felt alive, his body was singing with desire for this man.
Hutch's mouth moved against Starsky's savagely, leaving no room for anything but a response and Starsky clung to Hutch, moaned low in his throat. Only his arms wrapped around Hutch's neck held him upright. Hutch felt as if he were falling. Falling into a great unknown void that he had always wanted, but now that it was here, he was a little frightened by it.
His hands fell from Starsky's hair and moved slowly down his partner's body, until they came to rest on the smaller man's hips. Then they moved around the cover that beautiful ass and pull their straining arousals into closer contact. Never breaking the kiss, Hutch began a rocking motion with his own hips to show Starsky just how much he wanted him.
And as Hutch's mouth possessed Starsky's, his tongue mimicking the motions of his hips, the hardness of his thighs pressed against his partner's; Hutch could feel Starsky's arousal against him, it was straining against the sweatpants the other man had worn to bed earlier.
Hutch broke contact and kissed down to the sensitive hollow at the base of Starsky's throat, his hot breath creating goose bumps on the exposed flesh. A curly head then raised slightly and stared up into Hutch's eyes. Time seemed suspended for a moment and neither of the men spoke.
Finally, Hutch broke the silence and spoke, the first thing he had said since he had arrived at Starsky's apartment, "God, I want you! I realized up at the cabin, I'd rather die than be without you. You're my life, Starsk, I love you."
The two of them continued to look at each other, neither of them speaking after Hutch's declaration, neither of them moving, just looking at each other. Suddenly, it seemed no more words were necessary and Starsky smiled in response to his partners' words and turned and walked away from his partner. Moving towards the bedroom, Starsky stopped on the edge of where the bookcase divided the living room and bedroom to look back over his shoulder and issue a silent invitation with his eyes.
It was now or never. Time to prove if he really did love Starsky that much. To make love to the person he held most dear in his life. It was an easy decision. He walked over to where Starsky stood and pulled the smaller man back into his embrace and said softly, "Let's go to bed, babe."
Walking further into the bedroom, their arms wrapped around each other, they turned and started kissing again. Helplessly, Hutch reached down to meet Starsky's mouth, and with the tip of his tongue provocatively traced the already reddened curve of his partner's lips, tipping his head back to open invite those lush lips to take charge.
Starsky responded with a throaty growl and complied. Mouths and tongues dueled, each man starving for each other's touch. Need too long denied coming out. Hutch pushed Starsky back and they both fell onto the bed, mouths still entwined. All Hutch could do was feel. The wild, sweet excitement of kissing Starsky was as seductive as any drug, the shivering sensitivity of his body crushing the other man into the mattress was a heady pleasure. His whole body tingled where they touched. Suddenly, it wasn't enough. Hutch needed to feel Starsky's skin. His naked skin against his own.
Breaking the lip-lock, Hutch pulled away from his soon-to-be lover and with quick, savage movements removed Starsky's sweatpants, throwing them across the room. Hutch looked down at the naked body exposed before him and was floored by the sight.
"God, you're so beautiful," he said softly, almost reverently. "Now it's my turn," and Hutch pulled his shirt over his head, shucked his shoes off, followed quickly by his jeans and briefs. Then Hutch was coming down on top of his partner again, their bodies meeting for the first time, skin against bare skin.
Heaven, it was heaven.
* * * * * * *
Hutch slid his warm hands under Starsky's bottom, pulling their two bodies into closer contact. His aching erection met Starsky's and he sighed with pleasure. Swiftly, moving back to that inviting mouth, Hutch devoured Starsky's lips, out of control now in his desire for the man in his arms.
Caught up in the passion between them, Hutch could only respond to Starsky's equally bold caresses. His brain felt like it had taken a holiday and all he could do was feel. Looking up, he could see the reflection of his dark-skinned lover in the mirror above the bed. Starsky's raven hair, his broad shoulders, and his tight ass moved above him in the glass. The image of Starsky kissing him, rocking against him was turning him on even more. Grasping his partner's hair, he pulled the other man's face away from his and said, "My turn, lover."
Quickly, he rolled Starsky over so their positions were reversed and Starsky was trapped beneath him. Hutch smiled down into those beautiful, indigo eyes.
Starsky's hand moved down Hutch's chest slowly to the straining erection pressed between their bodies, Starsky stroked his cock with sure, long touches. He was so hard, that he was afraid that Starsky might cause him to explode with the slightest contact. Starsky gripped his phallus tighter and Hutch felt a fierce pleasure at the feel of the thumb rolling over the crown of his dick. Starsky kept hold of his cock and slowly slid his hand up and down the shaft, only stopping to trace his thumb around the crown. It seemed like Starsky was putting all his love into pleasing Hutch, Starsky giving the hand job his all. While his hand worked its magic on Hutch's cock, Starsky freed his mouth from Hutch's and slowly trailed kisses over his face, his jawline, his long neck; finally moving his mouth down to reach the other man's hairless chest. Starsky began licking his right nipple, alternately sucking and biting, until Hutch moaned incoherently at the other man's ministrations.
Starsky's chest rubbed against Hutch's, skin against skin, as they strained against each other. Hutch could feel Starsky stroke his throbbing erection and he moaned deeply in delight and moved his hips in a frantic rhythm against the hand touching him so expertly, and said, "Harder, please, harder." He felt Starsky freeze as his hand stopped stroking him.
Pulling apart briefly, Starsky moved his lips closer to Hutch's ear and whispered, "Say my name, Hutch. Say my name."
Hutch opened his eyes to see Starsky's passion-filled eyes staring down at him, pleading for something. "What, babe?"
"I need you to say my name, Hutch. I need to know that you know who you're making love to this time."
Hutch suddenly understood, remembering that night long ago and nodded, knowing Starsky needed reassurance that Hutch wanted him this time -- him and only him. There would be no ghosts in their bed from this moment on.
"Oh, I know exactly who I'm in bed with: a dark-headed demon. So, is this what you do to all your woman? Talk them to death? Or can you find something more interesting to do with that mouth?" Hutch retorted back.
Starsky opened his mouth to say something, but thought the better of it and clamped his mouth shut. Hutch suppressed a laugh when he saw this.
The instinctive knowledge that had saved their lives on the streets time and again passed between them in a single look. Without saying a word, Hutch's light response may have seemed insensitive to other men, but not to Starsky. They didn't need to rehash old wounds, talk about the past, about the night long ago that had changed their lives. All that was ancient history, the women, the misunderstandings. What they had was the here and now. They loved each other and wanted to be together.
Hutch saw a determined and playful look overcome his partner and he felt Starsky's hands slide under his ass, grabbing both cheeks.
"How's this?"
Then, Starsky moved his mouth from his partner's chest to Hutch's now throbbing, engorged penis; licking, lightly biting it. He took the whole length into his mouth, swallowing Hutch whole. It pushed Hutch over the edge, suddenly, his cock swelled even larger in Starsky's mouth and he felt his body go rigid as he climaxed with a loud scream, yelling, "Starsky."
Licking his lips, Starsky removed his mouth from Hutch's now limp organ then he collapsed against Hutch's chest. Pulling Hutch into a tighter embrace, Starsky asked, "You were saying something about putting my mouth to better use?"
Hutch, spent from Starsky's incredible blow-job could only smile at his partner's comment. He was just too tired to move, let alone talk.
"Hey, you're not going to sleep on me, are you, Blondie?"
Hutch could only nod.
"Just like a man. Gets off and rolls over and goes to sleep. Well, I've got other plans for you."
"Gimme a minute, Starsk. It's been so long for me. I need a little time to recover."
"Can't do that. You see I've got plans for that wonderful body of yours."
Hutch lay boneless in the bed as Starsky moved up and straddled his body, his knees on either side of his hips. He watched as Starsky lightly stroked his chest, loving the gentle touch even as he knew Starsky's own hard-on was straining for release; but Hutch was too sated at the moment to accommodate Starsky right now.
Looking up into the eyes of the man he adored, Hutch saw love and lust combined in his partner's face, then a grin overtook Starsky's face, one that he had come to love over the years, a grin that said he was in serious trouble. His infectious smirk set the tone as Starsky said, "Be prepared for a long night, Blintz. Remember, I got years of loving to make up for."
All Hutch could do was groan and shiver in anticipation.
* * * * * * *
The night started with Starsky turned over on his stomach, his body up on all fours, spread wide for the taking. Hutch knelt behind the wide-spread legs and slid one slick finger into his lover, and then a second, finally a third. Hutch moaned and squirmed in delight with each new insertion. Moving those fingers around, stretching Starsky out was beautiful to watch. He was so responsive, so hot, Hutch loved every moment of it.
Hutch had never make love to another man and wasn't sure of the technique, but he had made love to a couple of women this way, so he figured he knew what to do. All he could think was, got to make this good for Starsky, make it the best he's ever had. For trusting me, for allowing me to do this. Scissoring his fingers, he felt Starsky move back in response, impaling himself on his fingers.
"Want you in me. Now," as he pushed back against the fingers inside his anus.
Hutch reached across the bed and grasped the tube of KY jelly on the nightstand that he had used minutes before on his hands to prepare Starsky and lubed his engorged penis. Slowly, he stroked the greasy solution in and moved forward to press his erection against Starsky's ass. Never taking his fingers out of Starsky, Hutch pressed the head of his cock against the little hole and felt the body under him tremble with desire. He removed his fingers, confident that he had prepared his lover and pushed forward, feeling the small opening give. He slid in, feeling the muscles in Starsky's ass tighten about him.
"Is it okay? Tell me if I hurt you and I'll stop," Hutch groaned and buried his face into his partner's shoulder, gently biting down on the exposed skin there.
"It's not bad, just some pressure...move, babe, please move," and Starsky echoed this statement by moving his hips back to pull Hutch further into his hot channel.
"I love you," Hutch moaned as he slid move firmly into the welcoming warmth, his shallow thrusts picking up speed and intensity. Putting both hands on Starsky's hips, he grabbed them and began to thrust deeper. Leaning over Starsky's neck, he continued to kiss him there, while whispering, "I love you" over and over again as he picked up speed with his thrusts. Starsky just moaned in pleasure.
Hutch felt the tension in the other man's body and struggled to keep control of his emotions. He just wanted to fuck Starsky until he was raw, but knew that couldn't happen until both of them had some more practice with this type of lovemaking. I have to make this good for Starsky, he kept repeating over and over again in his head. So, he angled himself so his thrusts would push against Starsky's prostate and would get both of them off quickly.
Taking his left hand off of Starsky's hips, Hutch began stroking his lover's cock in time with his thrusting motions. Starsky's body tightened and jerked, arching upward as Hutch stroked his hard-on. The KY made the motion easy and Hutch continued to stroke until Starsky screamed out and spurted his release across the sheets. Hutch cried out himself as the muscles in his lover's anus clenched around his cock.
His lover's climax almost immediately triggered his own release. Falling across Starsky's back, Hutch panted, worn out from the sensation of loving Starsky, being inside of his partner. Nothing has ever been this good. He's my love, my life. How did I ever live without this?
Starsky worn out from being on his knees for so long, dropped completely onto his stomach, taking Hutch with him into a more prone position. Both men lay together, panting, for long minutes afterward. Shifting under him, Starsky moved away, causing Hutch to pull out slightly. Hutch lightly kissed Starsky's cheek and pulled his now-soft penis all the way out of his lover's former virginal hole.
"Okay?"
"Never been so okay in my life. You, Hutch?"
"Just thinking about how much I love you and how much I loved making love to you, babe," a soft voice whispered into Starsky's ear. "Come here, I want to hold you," and moved off his partner's body, turning over onto his back and pulling Starsky into his arms.
Feeling Starsky snuggle close, Hutch's heart was full and content for maybe the first time in his life. Full of love for this black-haired bundle of energy at his side. Suddenly, Starsky spoke and broke off Hutch's train of thought.
"When you showed up at my front door this morning, I certainly never expected this to happen. That trip to the mountains must have been some retreat, Hutchinson, " Starsky said, his voice filled with humor and love.
Hutch replied, "Believe me, when I first went up there last week, Starsk, I didn't expect us to end up like this either...but I kept having these dreams. You were always in them. Loving me, protecting me, but I woke up tonight after a nightmare, where I dreamt you had died after Gunther shot you and everything seemed just so clear. I mean, I've loved you all these years as a friend, but the thought of losing you -- it tore me up inside. I knew I couldn't go through life without you, without loving you. Of being in love with you. So, I jumped out of bed, pack my shit and raced back here to you...to tell you that I love you and wanted to be with you the same way you wanted to be with me."
"Yeah, you had me kind of worried there, Blondie. I thought you were going to come back and tell Dobey you wanted another partner and I'd be left all alone."
"No, never. God, you should know by now I could never leave you Starsk, after all we've been through together. Hey, it may have taken me four years to admit to myself that I loved you, but I think I kind of made up for it tonight, don't you think?" Hutch said and smiled invitingly into the furried chest.
"More than made up for it and you're going to continue to make up for it there, if I have anything to do with it!" Changing thought in mid-sentence, a typical Starsky reaction, he continued, "God, you must have been driving all night to get back here. You got to be tired. Go to sleep, babe. I'll be here when you wake up."
"You better be...'cause I never want us to be apart again, buddy."
"You don't have to worry about that, Hutch. Because after tonight, you'd have to kill me to get me to leave you. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd ever be able to love you, believe me, I'm not going anywhere."
Hutch drifted off to sleep, snug is his lover's arms, protected in their love, to dream of a lifetime of loving Starsky.
EPILOGUE
"If a man could be two places at once,
I might be with you, tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving, spinning, slowly down to die
I spend the end with you and when the world was through...
Then one by one, the stars would all go out then you and I would
simply fly away."
--Bread, "If"
One Year Later...
Hutch sat in the lounge chair, looking up at the night sky. For the usually smoggy Bay City, the skyline was clear and the stars twinkled overhead. Sipping from his beer, he laid back in the chair more and relaxed after a long day at work. His life was good. He had a job he loved, well, somedays; when it seemed like putting the bad guys away was a real possibility.
Plus, he had just gotten the news that his promotion to Lieutenant was in the works, so that meant his days on the street were numbered. That meant more money, more responsibility and hopefully less stress and danger. These days all he wanted was to live a long and happy life with the man he loved. Starsky. Just thinking about the beautiful brunette put a smile on his face. They'd been lovers for a year now and the joy that this relationship brought into his life was indescribable. He never had to worry about his feelings not be reciprocated again as Starsky showed him day in and day out just how much he was loved and wanted. Starsky had slowed down since the shooting and was looking into transferring into a desk job if Hutch's promotion to Lieutenant came through. He had been offered a teaching position at the Police Academy, but had turned it down until he was sure that Hutch would be promoted and they both could move out of Homicide. They would no longer be partners on the street, but partners in every other aspect of their lives.
Hearing the other man in their kitchen cleaning up the remains of a late dinner, Hutch sighed in contentment. Life was good.
Three months ago, after moving out of both their apartments, they had bought this small house in the Hollywood Hills. It meant a little longer commute to work at the Parker Center, but it was well worth it. Secluded back in the hills, it gave them the privacy they craved. Plus, the deck on the back of the house had an incredible view of Bay City. Much better than his old apartment at Venice Place, no greenhouse for his plants, but they were thinking of adding that on later, if Hutch got that raise with his promotion.
Life was just about perfect.
A few eyebrows at work had questioned their motives for moving in together, but nobody had the nerve to come outright and ask them the questions they all were thinking. Starsky and Hutch gay? But, then at this point in his life, after nearly losing Starsky, Hutch didn't really care what people thought. He was happy and in love. Screw the rest of the world. They had told Huggy a couple months after they had gotten together and Dobey the night of their housewarming party. Neither man had seemed very surprised or shocked. Dobey kept quiet at work and tried to protect them from the prying eyes of Internal Affairs. But then, after the years both of them had spent chasing women around, nobody was really sure what to make of their relationship. Most people in the department had given up trying, which suited both of them fine.
"Hey, babe...you done in there? It's a beautiful night out here and I don't want to waste this view all out here by my lonesome," Hutch yelled into the open patio door hoping Starsky would hear him.
A couple of seconds later, Starsky appeared at the patio door, "Yeah, I'm coming." And started to walk over to the other lounge chair on the spacious deck.
"Get over here. I want to hold you and look up at the stars."
Starsky smiled and moved over to where his lover was reclining. "Nag, nag, nag, Blondie...you're worse than a wife."
"You love it, so shut up and get that cute little ass over here and keep me warm."
With that command, Starsky lay down in the lounger with his lover and the two men cuddled closer together for warmth. Any indecisions either one of them had about their relationship taking that next step seemed like a weird dream now. They weren't afraid to show their love for one another, touching and kissing around their own home were now second nature. Life was too short and love too precious to push away, they had learned that the hard way.
Sighing, Hutch clasped his lover even closer, looked up at the stars, then closed his eyes, content and secure in Starsky's love, because today, tomorrow and forever he would have Starsky in his life.
The End